Let's chat about how we eschew the Valentine's norm for something more daily and true. As we settle back into our podcasting chairs, we bring you an episode bristling with reflections from our quirky, love-infused world—think of it as your aural chocolate box, minus the calories.
Curl up as we share the secret to keeping sparks alive in a long-term relationship, turning to companionship and trust when the butterflies settle. Discover our unique way of navigating the rough with the smooth, including those inevitable spousal squabbles. And because it's February, we weave the threads of love and history into a salute to Black History Month, sharing personal stories and the communal spirit that uplifts and unites. So, let's raise a glass to affection in all forms and join us in a heartfelt journey where laughter and life lessons abound.
Look up, and let' elevate!
Let's chat about how we eschew the Valentine's norm for something more daily and true. As we settle back into our podcasting chairs, we bring you an episode bristling with reflections from our quirky, love-infused world—think of it as your aural chocolate box, minus the calories.
Curl up as we share the secret to keeping sparks alive in a long-term relationship, turning to companionship and trust when the butterflies settle. Discover our unique way of navigating the rough with the smooth, including those inevitable spousal squabbles. And because it's February, we weave the threads of love and history into a salute to Black History Month, sharing personal stories and the communal spirit that uplifts and unites. So, let's raise a glass to affection in all forms and join us in a heartfelt journey where laughter and life lessons abound.
Look up, and let' elevate!
Hey, it's Jen the Builder and Corey, and welcome to take the elevator. Everybody in Facebook World and everyone who's listening to us on Spotify, apple, whichever platform you're listening to us on, we appreciate you. And Corey man, we totally missed last week's episode.
Speaker 1:Yeah it was such a busy week busy week and I don't know if you have ever felt this way and I was sharing this with you, corey. We went on an amazing one week getaway and were able to plug in to people and musicians and artists and just good people at NAMM and it was so hard to come back like that. Transition was quite a challenge and I still felt it even last week.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it took a little bit of time to adjust. Going back to work, coming back to reality, because that was totally out of reality, out of the norm. So, yeah it was. It was a phenomenal time that we had.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, but we're back and we're going to find our rhythm and our flow right here. So we really just wanted to kick back and talk about February 14 and how everyone celebrated and what's going on. I've got some questions here in a book that we're going to read out loud. We've got some friends on Facebook that hopefully have time to chat with us so they can give us some of their input. But yeah, why don't we start with the friends that we've got on the table?
Speaker 2:Indeed, so I'm happy to announce that you know, if you don't know, I am a book author, and I had a wonderful opportunity of working with some really talented people, some people that have been assisting me in my journey with writing books, illustrating books and getting the merch together to go along with the books, and one of the pieces of merch that we now have acquired are the mini ruffles, and so you can see right here these are the animals that are going to be on sale for the public. However, I'm doing a giveaway on my Facebook page, which is ruffles at Corey L dot body on Facebook, and if you're participating in that, you can be entered into winning one of these phenomenal plushies. That's what they're called. I call them ruffle ruffle rough stuff too, because I have a bigger ruffles doll as well and that's the name of the book, and that's why it's such a big deal.
Speaker 2:It's my first book and I'm writing a series of three books the first time around, and then I'll be doing some more. I don't want to spend a lot of time on that, so if you got questions about that, please put them in the chat. I'll be glad to answer any questions how I started getting published. How I started writing my journey on this, but I don't want to take a lot of time on that, so yeah.
Speaker 1:So let's just get right to it. People ask you know, is Corey going to send you flowers? Where are you guys going? Tonight we're talking about February 14th, and so I hate to be a dud, but we don't really celebrate Valentine's in that way. We've been big celebrators of love expressed every day.
Speaker 2:Every day, all day, all year long.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I shared on an episode. One of the sweetest, most thoughtful things you've ever done for me was at our house in Ontario and Corey literally, literally built the garden in the backyard and said these are flowers for you every day. I was able to go back there every day and enjoy the garden. I mean, you had fruit trees all lined up. I even forgot all the flowers, but it was just such a beautiful space that I always say this it's one of the things I really missed about that home.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Because right now we live on a golf course and we can literally die. It sucks, yeah, if we went in the backyard. So for those who have heard this, I'm sorry for the repeat story, but I do repeat a good story. We are on hole one and so what we've heard we're not golfers, but what we've heard is that golfers on golf one hole one sorry, yes, hole one they're still rusty, they're just waking up or they're overzealous, so balls are like literally pinging everywhere and we've had a couple of windows busted because that's an understatement.
Speaker 2:We have at least one window busted every year and I'm surprised that our dogs haven't been injured.
Speaker 1:Oh, so sometimes they come in funny we might wanna.
Speaker 2:Check them out.
Speaker 1:Yes, Aw, we have little Chiwinis and their names are Penelope and Tallulah and they're just the cutest things. And sometimes they do hang out in the backyard because they like their son and like to be able to run around. So, anyhow, that is our story, but we'd love to know what you all did for Valentine's. What was the standout moment? Was there anything special that happened or different? So if you could put that in chat, we'll make sure to read that out loud as we're recording for the podcast.
Speaker 1:So I got this really cool book. We do home goods a little bit and sometimes in home goods they've got these rare books that I just like. Oh, I'm gonna get this one. So this one's called One Question a Day for you and Me and it's meant to be a three-year journal of daily reflections for couples, and we're not gonna get through the whole book because you can see I have some things flagged here. But, corey, the first question I'm gonna ask you and again, everyone who's here on Facebook Live, just go ahead and use the chat to answer this, and I love this first question is if you could give one household chore to your partner and, for those who don't have a partner, if you could just give one household chore away, what would it be?
Speaker 2:I would have to say the laundry Laundry is probably the most daunting task and chore to do. Of any other chore, even washing dishes, I can handle washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen Number one because we always have to be in there as human beings. You gotta cook, you gotta go to the refrigerator, but laundry is that one thing that if it gets past two loads it's just man, stressful and annoying and you're just trying to figure out why did I let it get this high and why did I allow so many clothes to build up. So yeah, that's the one I would give away. What about you?
Speaker 1:So I'd give it back. If you gave that to me, I'd give it back because I share the same sentiments. Yeah, so laundry, but if I had to do another one, I'm not a big fan of cleaning bathrooms. That's just me. Before COVID we had a wonderful maid service that did that for us. During COVID, of course, there was no reason for that and we never picked it back up again. So you and I just kinda go back and forth with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, juggling the task of pre-COVID.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Or post-COVID.
Speaker 1:So laundry, bathrooms, everything else I'm good with.
Speaker 2:I don't mind those household chores, I don't mind dusting, I don't mind cooking or just general cleaning, but that damn laundry woo.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and the thing is is we live in an older home, and so the new homes right, they have the laundry room upstairs, which is brilliant. Ours is not quite in the garage, our home isn't that old, but it's in a laundry room, that's right at the garage.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so when you get home you walk through the laundry room and then you're in the rest of the house, so you literally have to bring all your stuff down, load it up, bring it up again, whereas these newer homes it's just like right there. I'm wondering what setup you have for laundry, but anyhow oh I saw was it in Fontana or in a nearby city. If you all have this, let us know. But you can drop off your laundry. See, I'd be too embarrassed to do that, like anywhere, and maybe we'd remove, you know, personal stuff, but they do your laundry.
Speaker 2:Oh really, no, yeah, pick it up. No, it's too personal, isn't it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, fine, so we'll just keep doing laundry.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:All right, here's the next question what was the last thing that you got for free?
Speaker 2:I'm always getting stuff for free. And yeah, you are. And it's not because I'm asking for it, it's just the business that I'm in sometimes allows me to get free stuff. Sometimes I get free equipment, sometimes I get free this or free that, just all the pins, you know. And I don't take it for granted because it's not every time, but it's enough time to go wait a minute. This is kind of cool, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I don't know if gifts are in this category. I mean, gifts are free. I have a great team where we're constantly giving each other gifts, Right? So, hello, it was just Valentine's Day, so we're kind of all over each other. But our career advisor, she gave me a beautiful scarf. That was sweet and, oh God, we had so much sugar that day. It was like baked goods, I mean like throughout the whole day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was on strike. I refused to buy into getting sugar or eating sugar, so I did pretty well that day. I stayed strong.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So I'm sure you all have had wonderful gifts. I have not been on social media much, so I haven't served to see what our friends have received as a gift, so I know some people went on trips. Oh, by the way, happy anniversary to one of our dearest friends, gloria and Josh. They are celebrating 29 years 29.
Speaker 2:When I grow up, I want to be just like them, Right 29 years. We're at a cool 20, but we got a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, for sure. Ok so, corey, next question is what movie could you watch over and over again? Or let's say what movie do you make me watch over and over again?
Speaker 2:Well, I go through seasons and it all depends on what season it is. I have made you watch Lord of the Rings multiple times, twister multiple times, world War Z multiple times. It just all depends on what season it is. And I do this, guys, because I I like to watch things that I know and that I don't have to really look at and understand and pay attention to. I do that so that I can focus on what I'm writing, what I'm reading, what I'm doing, and then I don't have to worry about, like you know, I missed a part. I know what's happening. It's just background noise and it's just helping me sleep, helping me think, helping me get through the day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for me it's. It's my regular chick flicks. Do you know what they are? Um?
Speaker 2:for what's the one when she forgets? And fifty first dates, fifty first dates. Amira has two faces. Um the proposal, yeah, all the. All the chick flicks, the Drew Barrymore's, the Julia Roberts, all those good, all the.
Speaker 1:Nicholas Sparks movies. Yeah, that's me All right, so that was a little bit fun to warm us up. Um, I've had a question, corey, and I'd love for your input, because we're big fans of second chances. Life has kind of been that way with us, and so what would you say about being in a marriage that's a second chance kind of one. Was there any fear or hesitation going into it?
Speaker 2:No, I'm a sucker for love. Number one, number two I am a firm believer that love is possible. I also think that if two people want to make it work, it'll work. It'll work. If they don't want to make it work, then it won't work, and it's just that simple. And there's a lot of people that really don't want love to work or marriage to work. They wanted to work the way they wanted to work, but that's not what marriage is about. That's not what it's ever been about. It's always been about how you can please someone else and find your happiness in doing that. And if both parties are striving to do that at the same time, then you got a winner.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree. What do you say to a couple of that where at least one of them feel like this doesn't feel good anymore? I don't have butterflies in my stomach.
Speaker 2:Well, get used to it, because that's life, man, You're not going to have butterflies all the time. It's not going to feel good all the time. You might not even be in love all the time. That's just the truth. Sometimes the love factor needs to be searched out. What did I fall in love about or over? And then, once you drill down into the friendship, once you drill down into the companionship someone that I trust talking to, I've shared everything that I have with this individual that's where it begins to develop, past the love and past the butterflies. And then you remember, like man, I don't want to live without this person. It's a beautiful thing when you say I can't live without you, but it's even more meaningful when you say I don't want to live without you.
Speaker 1:Right, right, here's a practical tip from a girl who's a total romantic. Okay, so don't judge me. Today I was holding Corey's hand in the car, and sometimes it does you well to go back to that feeling. So this is the feeling I'm talking about. When we so Corey and I had dated, we kind of put it to stop. Or Corey did yeah, corey did I left her, and then, you know, we got back together. I came back to her A few months later he came back, and so when we're in the car, you know he's driving and I'm in the passenger seat and I just kept kind of glancing and I was like I wonder if he's going to hold my hand.
Speaker 1:Do you remember those feelings where you're like I wonder if this person's going to kiss me now, or I wonder if we're going to go on a second date, or is he going to call me, like tonight, when he said he was going to call me, or is he going to call me tomorrow? And how long is too long before I call him and say, hey, here I am. You know, remember me, right, so that's where I go. The fact that I just get to now hold your hand makes me so grateful, because I just remember, are we keeping in the friend zone or are we going to actually give this another try? And when you held my hand at some point that was like the we're giving this another try. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah absolutely.
Speaker 2:I remember getting to our destination and realizing that, all right, this is really happening. We're really going to spend some time together because we hadn't in what? Six months probably at that point, and when we got there it was just like man, that car trip was so enjoyable. Maybe we can just drive around for a little while longer, but the feelings were definitely mutual.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So here's my two worded advice is get giddy. I find that to be very important for me. I don't, you know, the holding hands, the touches, the dates, even if it's sharing a meal, but it's somewhere or even in the house. Yeah, for me, I get giddy over those things, and when you do the cute things, I hold on to those moments because it brings me joy, like keeps it fresh, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and not only that. It allows for us to not be too serious, not take ourselves too serious. You know, a lot of people spend time thinking about oh well, I'm a manager at work, or I'm a director at work, or I'm a boss in life, you know, and that's great, but at the end of the day, that just doesn't matter. In the marriage, no one's concerned that you were a boss. When they're putting you in the ground, nobody is concerned that you held down this wonderful, amazing job with this awesome title. And so what are you ultimately trying to leave behind to your mate, your children and the rest of your family? So that's what I dig deep for I know you like the fact that I do certain things, but that doesn't really move the needle if you're not happy with me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so true, and I think a big shift for us too is for me, when we talk. So people might be like, okay, that's when everything's good, what about when he's getting on your last nerve? Or you just keep bumping heads right and I'm like, yeah, it's thick, because that really happens. I just have to keep in the forefront of my mind that there are things that we say and do that can't be taken back. Or if we try to take it back, like always remain respectful and don't cause harm to each other, and that's, through time, helped with how we have conversation when we're heated and it can get heated.
Speaker 2:In a lot of circumstances it can get heated, but the thing that's most important for me is just to always remember to think, think and breathe. When you're happy, when you're sad, when you're angry, when you're engaged in a heated discussion, just remember to think and breathe, because some of those things we think, we know that's off limits, so don't go there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, question Corey, when okay, this sounds totally off this conversation, but when people are in a boxing match and they count down to say knock out, they go from 10, 9. Okay, that's what I wanted to confirm, Because here's where my mind goes is they say take 10 seconds to just breathe, get your thoughts together, really sort them out and being in control of the behavior and the words that you're sharing, the way you're acting. I think it's so important because my friend told me she counts 10, 9, 8, 7, I'm like, dude, that's like knock out, like that, you know, count up, because the mind works funny like that, like anything it can associate anything with that kind of takes precedence. Does that make sense? So if you're used to seeing things where you count down and that means knock out, it's associated with that, so it still is.
Speaker 1:That may sound. It helps me. Yeah, um other tips, man, I'm sure when I've talked to Gloria, you know who's celebrating her 29th anniversary. I love what she says. Josh makes her feel safe. That will always be a human need that we have that safety and belonging and they give each other that space.
Speaker 2:Safety, security and everybody's security comes different. So you know, some people's security is in money. That's not play and it's not pretend like that's not a real thing. Sometimes security is in finances. Sometimes security is in where you live, what area that you live in.
Speaker 2:Sometimes security is and I hate this part, but that a man is tough enough to be able to make that stand for his wife, and sometimes it's a woman being able to cook well enough or provide the home essentials well enough, and sometimes it's a sexual thing. So you know, it just all depends on what cloth you're cut from and how that benefits you in your mind and your mindset.
Speaker 1:That's a really good point too, the way Corey just described that right, like security, means different things to different people. So when we, as partners, use a word that comes up like you have me stressed out or I'm stressed out when you do this, well, what does stress look like for you? Or what do you mean by stress? Because my level of stress could be different than yours, my type of worrying can be different than yours, can be different than Corey's. So it's really important to get to that place of understanding where you're not assuming that the word for you means the word for me, because I think we spend a lot of time solving the problem when it's not really the problem.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I have to side note real quick and, if you're listening to this, if you have any suggestions or any way to comment on this, I don't understand how some couples are able to argue in public that would make me feel very unsafe Only because it's a lot going on in your mind, it's a lot going on in your emotions, it's a lot going on in your body, like your blood pressure is raising. You're, you know, not thinking clearly when the moment's happening, so you're trying to tell yourself to think and breathe, but that just really boggles my mind. Again, if someone knows the answer to that, I would really appreciate that one.
Speaker 1:That's a good one. That's a really good one. So right now we are on Facebook live and, corey, I really think I have fubbed this one up because there's no one here, and that's okay. I mean, it could be because of three day weekend. I don't think so. I think I did this wrong. So I'm going to just apologize to our Facebook friends that I said oh, we're going to go live and if you can't see this stream, we will figure this out.
Speaker 1:Well, I've seen that 1.2 other people other than me came on, so but I think I just received a couple of messages on Facebook messenger saying they couldn't get on. Anyhow, we hope that the advice we've given you, the questions that we asked in the beginning, are some good fun, food for thought with your partner, with your friends, with your family, and, yeah, we hope that you just have a month continued with love. Speaking of the month, it's also Black History Month. Black History Month and, corey, you are a co-chair for the ERG at the company we work at.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you want me to speak on that. So this was a position that I really wanted to get involved with and involved in for some years, so I'm able to help support the Black History Committee and give a lot of different suggestions and ideas on how to make that flourish a little bit more. So very happy about that. Before we go because I know we're probably about to wrap it up again, if you're participating on my ruffles page, this is the gift that you're looking to win. These two are slightly different. This is going to be a one of one I'm probably not going to give this one away which is the brown foot ruffles. And then there's the yellow foot ruffles only because the yellow foot represents the yellow shoes that ruffles wears inside the book. And so if you're participating oh, this is, this is phenomenal and you'll win one of these plushies, and they're one of a kind you won't find these anywhere else. This is made specifically and especially for the ruffles book, so I'm just really excited about that.
Speaker 1:Indeed, indeed, indeed. Please share with us in the chat, if you're seeing this on a replay, some things about you that you want us to share, anything that you're promoting we're all about it. Want to give a special shout out to Vanessa, who made ruffles and really built it from the ground up. Appreciate her creativity and just her work ethics and her deep, her attention to details. It's amazing. So, anyhow, it's been great hanging out and we're going to get back on a cadence, we're going to find our rhythm and we will be back here weekly. We're only doing the episodes for take the elevator once a week, so please tune in on Wednesdays and you know what's to take the elevator. We say look up and let's elevate Everyday, elevate Every day, elevate every day, elevate every day, elevate every day, elevate every day, everyday. I love it Everyday.