Take the Elevator
This podcast is purely about elevating people through individual life stories and experiences in the Elevator. In the Elevator, what's key is maybe changing your perspective; having self-actualization; embracing your purpose; and acting on it as we grow from one another. There is a whole different point of view when you look up to elevate.
Take the Elevator
318th Floor: Navigating Self-Doubt and Aligning with Authenticity
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Struggling with life's curveballs can feel isolating, but what if you discovered that you're part of a wider community facing similar challenges? As we emerge from our hiatus, we're here to share a candid conversation about realignment in life's unpredictable journey. Gen the Builder and Kory invite you into an intimate discussion that spans personal health battles, the intricacies of aging from a woman's perspective, and the universal feeling that as 2024 unfolds, it's time for a shift. Our stories, filled with moments of vulnerability and introspection, underscore the importance of addressing stressors head-on — guiding you through the maze of rediscovering purpose and direction.
Embarking on a path of self-discovery isn't without its hurdles, yet it's a quest that can lead to profound breakthroughs. In this episode, we unravel the intricacies of hitting creative blocks, wrestling with self-doubt, and finding the courage to confront insecurities. It's a deep dive into aligning with our true selves, questioning our values, and balancing the many roles we play in life. We extend a hand of support and encouragement to our listeners, emphasizing the power of community, the necessity of kindness, and the transformative nature of embracing our 'aha' moments. Join us for an episode that's not just about growth but about warmth, understanding, and the resilience of the human spirit.
Look up, and let's elevate.
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Navigating Life's Twists and Turns
Speaker 1Hey , it's Jen the Builder , and .
Speaker 2Corey .
Speaker 1And we're back after a long hiatus of just being MIA , yeah .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1But funny not funny . It took us two weeks to find your way back .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And honestly , corey , if it wasn't for you saying , okay , we got to get back on track on this , what are we doing ? How is this looking ? I probably would have extended it to more like four weeks , like a month sabbatical , for whatever reason .
Speaker 2Yeah , you know , sometimes in life , and yeah , it feels good . I heard the song and it just felt like hello old friend , you know .
Speaker 1Aw sure did .
Speaker 2And you know the thing is is that sometimes in life you have to take a pause and realign . We are just just to get your bearings back . There's so much going on and so much happening not only in the world and everyone's lives and especially in our , you know , married life and our individual lives . We just have a lot of phenomenal things happening and some things it's not so phenomenal , but you know , we got to deal with life and so we needed that little break , like you said , and get ourselves back on our feet and up and running . So I hope everyone is doing very well and pushing forward in progress .
Speaker 1For sure . I've been seeing a lot of posts and then talking to different friends and family where they're already feeling like 2024 is a different type of vibe .
Speaker 2Oh yeah .
Speaker 1I swear to you , it seemed like the two weeks that I was in a funk . A lot of people were feeling that way , and it was just last week that they started to feel like a boost a pick me up and I can't say what that was about , but it was intense .
Speaker 2I don't know what that's about either , but I also recognize something else that's been really prevalent and pushing A lot of people have been sick unusually so true , and not just like the flu or a cold or even COVID . It's been like they've been very ill and really struggling with stuff . So our prayers are going out to a lot of these people and a lot of you that are listening , but even more so , we just want to make sure that we're touching in and or touching base and checking the temperature of the water , to making sure that what we're experiencing is not something different from what you're experiencing in vice versa .
Speaker 1Yeah , there's so much on my mind around it . First of all , the word alignment comes to mind . I felt totally misaligned , and when there's misalignment for me , there's almost an internal battle of what I'm agreeing on , about where I'm at , where I'm going . Like I can't even find agreement in my own self .
Speaker 2Wow Okay .
Speaker 1So when we hear the word alignment well for you , corey . What does it mean to you ?
Speaker 2So , yeah , that's weird . And so I'm about to I'm about to really go deep on this because this is going to be very telling for where I am . I'm so aligned with everything I'm doing and I'm pushing so hard . And it's not that I'm not concerned about what's going on with Jen . I just know that there's so many other aspects and avenues that she's working on . I don't want to bother her or or even question like are you sure this is what you're doing ? Are you sure Is this what you want to do ? I'm just not that kind of spouse or friend to her . If she says she's got it , then she's got it , you know , and she's going to figure it out .
Speaker 2My alignment just is it comes because I know , I know where I'm trying to get to . You know , sometimes we don't know the destination we're trying to get to and sometimes we do , and I know the destination that I'm trying to get to and I know how long I got to get there . So I really push hard for what I know , the things that I don't know , and it's a lot , you know . I just don't guess at it . I'm studying , I'm researching , asking questions , acquiring friends and people that I can pull from . But my alignment is usually on point when I know the destination that I'm trying to reach .
Speaker 1Yeah , and your goals for me is all I'm gonna say on that one , and I've had pockets of being totally aligned and just in tune with what was going on in my life , and so I really I think I'm gonna elaborate a little bit , please do , and hopefully it speaks to anyone who's listening . I went through a really rough time because of some major changes that kind of came my way without any warning and so what happened with that ? Is it just kind of shook me like where's my place in all of this ? And if this person or these people don't see my place in it , then what really is my purpose here and I know that sounds so general and so big on just one event ?
Speaker 2I think I can help and I think I know I can help , and I'm glad you said that , because so that's not the beginning of it and I just realized , you know , and it's so strange when you're this close to someone but you don't see it until they say something about it . So you would just come back from a medical situation and that was already a high stress that kind of toppled out and you felt better about it . But as soon as that normalized , another stressor came upon you and shot you through the roof . And I remember that moment when you said Corey , I don't know what this looks like , and can you segue from the medical into the stressor so that people can have a little bit better understanding of where your baseline was before the medical thing into the medical thing , back into the other stressor ?
Speaker 1I will try my darndest on that one . So the medical thing I'm glad you brought that up , because first I'm going to say that , as an aging woman , a lot of aging women don't talk about the reality of the changes , and so you talk about change . There's that , and not one menopausal woman's experience is the same for another . It's so all over the place , right ? So some women are like , oh , I go through this and oh , there's this , but that wasn't the case for me . So , either way , it was a year or so of just intense changes in my life which impacted your life too , being menopausal , and then we're finally able to get it corrected through surgical intervention .
Speaker 2Yeah , and let me just say this real quick , because if there's any men listening , men know they don't typically like to talk about this conversation , so I was forced to because I was living it real time and I had to figure this out along with my wife .
Speaker 1So surgical intervention was a success . It was delayed , but it was a success . So you're on this upswing of man , I'm feeling good , everything's amazing , it's as it should be , and then you have in your mind how it's going to work out . But then you realize , wow , there's a lot more here and it's actually deeper than what I thought and what we thought . So we had to talk our way through that . We had to just be vulnerable and candid about where we were at and there was risk for confusion , risk for hurting one another , and so we just had to adapt . And so once we became flexible in that and I felt like , ok , we're experiencing healthy and things that are good for us , then the thing happens in my career where they're healthy thoughts , healthy conversations now are happening .
Speaker 1Yeah , and so you get over that one thing and you feel like I can breathe . That's exactly how it felt , and the moment that I was exhaling , my breath got taken away , because then there was a big change . There was no follow-up on what's next .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1And so what did I experience at that point ? I was feeling anxious , unfulfilled , I felt unsuccessful . I felt like what am I gonna do next ? And so , for anyone who knows us , we all know that core year projects and your gifts are making room for themselves and it's like literally core . You text me and say , okay , I'm done with this thing , and you're not gonna believe what just happened . And then it's another amazing win and I have to come outside of myself to say what I'm going through . I'm still figuring out . Right now there is this huge win in our lives and I'm gonna celebrate it .
Speaker 1And then I'd feel guilty because I was like , am I just going through the motions Because I'm thinking about this and am I feeling a little jealous , or am I feeling envious ? And you know what are these feelings ? Yeah , and they really shake you . And so there's self-doubt , because then you're like this isn't the person I am and why am I having these thoughts ? So all that to say , I think that's why I just really had to pull back from everything , because I had to re-examine , I had to meditate in my own way about what is my life really about without these things that I have deemed and defined as security and they're not really security , right ?
Speaker 1So when you lose that security , what happens ? It's all sorts of insecurity , and then it gets crazy , because then you start looking at stats . You try to justify okay , we're gonna stay on , take the elevator , it's something we love , it's something we're passionate about . You look at the stats . You're like , wow , there's a little bit of a dwindle here , and so those little things that used to not bother you become the thing that just intensifies and echoes in all your thoughts . You know what I mean .
Speaker 2Oh yeah .
Speaker 1So those were things that I was
Finding Direction Through Self-Discovery
Speaker 1going through . It was pretty deep and I felt like no direction , I felt lost , I felt I don't know which way to go , and so then I had to really be mindful and do some soul searching , and that was the two weeks and , corey , when that happened last weekend , right , I was able to just create like I had hit a major block . Nothing was happening for me , and I don't know how this happened , but I sat in front of the computer and I let out one thought and all of a sudden nine pages worth of outline in a very organized fashion appeared on my computer . No , it didn't appear .
Speaker 2It was hard to work put in and it began to flow naturally , because I think you allowed yourself to be removed from all that stress In the medical situation to the career situation . Now you're open to whatever it is that's on your mind in the first place , and these are things that we had talked about . We just hadn't finalized what direction you were gonna go in , and so- it was really scary .
Speaker 1I didn't use that word . I was very scared , I know . And then so this self-doubt comes into you because you're like , you're this coach , you're a motivational speaker , you're in growth and development , for Pete's sake Like . People call you for advice and I'm like , why ? Why do they Like , who am I ? Why , you know , am I in the wrong field ? And you just question everything Am I being a good wife ? What kind of mom have I been ? And it was so intense . I just felt just self-doubt and insecurity all throughout . So I knew that , okay , something's misaligned here . How do I get back on track ? How do I bring this all together while still respecting that ? This is the experience I'm having and I don't wanna have it again . So what do I need to learn from this ?
Speaker 2So what's strange to me is like those moments for me are the , as they say you know it's a term that's used , but those are the come to Jesus moments , in my opinion , because now you're really measuring yourself and seeing what you're worth , seeing what you're capable of , seeing what you can get out of yourself , you know .
Speaker 1And what my values are at the end of the day , like what really matters here .
Speaker 2What really matters here . And you ask those questions , I'm assuming right .
Speaker 1Yeah , and if I take this risk , you know what's the worst that can happen . If I don't do this , what's the worst that can happen ? And then you go into . I only live one time .
Speaker 2Ah , rapture , you just hit the nail in the head . So and I gotta ask this question because I'm sure everyone else heard this too so there's something battling inside of you , Something trying to come out , but you were trying to keep it in for whatever reason .
Speaker 1Yeah , I think keeping it in makes you feel like you're in control , or you do this excuse or this reasoning that it's just for right now . This'll go away . You know , get through it . It's a new day . Tomorrow You're gonna wake up feeling refreshed and fine . And I just didn't have those feelings in the morning . They were still in my head . I was still in my head and I didn't know how to get out of it . So the way I got out of it was I got in my head , I welcomed myself to my thoughts .
Speaker 1And that became the definition of mindfulness for me , because that's another word that we use a lot too .
Speaker 2So can we say you allowed yourself to go where you didn't want yourself to go , exactly .
Speaker 1Yeah , I had to meet me where I needed to be met , like there was no way around that . You couldn't run away from that , you just had to head it face on . You know what I mean . So that's when I welcomed the insecurities and the lack of confidence and like just really placing myself in the right spot , like is there truth in that ? And have I just somehow connected all these things and made it this one big chaotic story ? And if so , why ? And who am I in all of this ? You know , that was the main question . Great , through it all is who the heck am I Without that ? What does that leave me and where do I wanna go ? Right ?
Speaker 1So here's some things that I've just learned is , I've identified relationships that were misaligned . I've identified choices health-wise choices in the time I spend that are misaligned . You know , you just , and you just go through it and you think , oh , my goodness , I'm spending time here instead of spending time on the things that actually move me , that actually are me . You know so , yeah , and so it's good to be back , but , like I said , I think two more weeks . But I think I'm saying two more weeks because you know , for me I can kind of want to stay in something , but I do feel a release .
Speaker 1I just like , right now I feel like my thoughts are kind of scattered . There's so much I wanna say and get out and I'm still trying to find the format for it , if you will . Like . You know , just if someone would ask me well , jen , how did you challenge your negative thoughts ? I'm a teacher , so I naturally wanna be able to teach to the experience , and I think that's why I'm like no , not yet , because they haven't put it all together . And that's okay . See , those are the things I'm learning to let go of . Like Jen , stick to the principle of the things and trust that the methods will come . This is how your whole life has been Let go of the things that you think you need to have to make it work , because , at the end of the day , you need to make it work without those things , because those aren't promised , those aren't forever , those aren't like . You say all the time in an equate that things are for a season . Yeah , you know , and when the season's over , you can't make it .
Speaker 2You can't extend your seasons . You know it would be different if you could say , okay , I need a couple more days of this season . But you know , when people leave your life , they leave . When they enter into your life , they enter . You can't , you know , postpone that , like , oh , I don't want you to come into my life just yet . But I wanna test the waters a little bit , jen , because I think you have come full circle . I believe that you have learned a great deal about yourself . I think you know who you are . I think you know who you are and when I say think , I know you know who you are , and that's what I'm ultimately saying I've watched you for a better part of 20 years , so there's a lot of questions that I just don't have to ask of you or myself . When it comes to you Knowing that , I think that not only will we be able to persevere , but I think things are gonna elevate and evolve along the way .
Speaker 1I do too , and here's the transition for me and I believe this podcast and anything that we do moving forward , I wanna get to the point of just real talk . I wanna be able to say what needs to be said and not overthink it . You know that kind of way and just know that , confidently . This is who I am and I've never been about what the majority says , and if the majority is right , then I will be about it . And so I guess what I'm saying is that to elevate at this level and at this point in our lives is just to be without all the pressures from everywhere or the things that we put on ourselves for the way that we think , oh , it can only happen if it happens this way , and just being open to that it's gonna happen , and sometimes you don't know how , and so just be present , be in it , and I'll tell you intentions became a very real thing for me . I was like today I'm showing up for work , that's it because I didn't have much more .
Speaker 1You know what I mean . Like honestly .
Speaker 2And I'm gonna say this a lot of people just do that anyway , and so some people may not have a clue of what you mean . Sometimes we just show up and hopefully we figure it out once we can get there . We know the job , we know the tasks we're supposed to perform , but sometimes it's like I'm just gonna show up there and whatever happens happens , and when you get to that point you know something's off , something's not right , something's not free flowing , and that's kind of where you were . So I just wanted to clarify that . So people were like well , what else could she do ? Well , she could not show up for work . She could be there physically , but mentally no one's home .
Speaker 1And most of my days have been . I'm gonna show up for this person and I'm gonna make sure that I am present and actively listening and just honed in on them and then I'm gonna spend quality time with them so they know how important they are to me . So there's always these ands and those ands can be suffocating at times and really right now , here's where I'm at and here's what I can do .
Speaker 2I need my own oxygen right now .
Speaker 1That's right . That's right , and so just being real about the goals that I'm setting for that moment and knowing that there's bigger stuff . So and recognizing what my gifts are and not downplaying them .
Speaker 2Absolutely , and so this is why I felt like it was necessary for us to have this conversation . I felt like it was imperative that Jen spoke , not only her mind and heart , but we explained to the best of our ability , which we did kind of good in some parts , and other parts was a ramble , but we were able to get it out , and so you have some clue of what's been going on and happening with us . And , yeah , we're here for it and I hope you're here for it , and that's what this is about . That's what this has always been about . She said we want to keep it 100 . We've always kept it 100 . It's just sometimes . Keeping it in 100 means I need to be quiet , I need to sit in the back seat and ride opposed to try to drive or navigate this bus on my own .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , and even as you were talking , corey , you know , just for anyone who's listening and I apologize for the ramble and I appreciate the space that you've given me . If you're still tuned in , that's pretty awesome . I just think when I recall the experience , it's just identifying the negative thoughts that are coming instead of running from them . I think we've established that right , and I started writing it down because there were so many thoughts that were hitting me , so it was important for me to write it down and I would question the thought , like you know , is this based on factor ? I'm assuming here , how is this helping me , how is it hurting me ? And then just kind of that reality check .
Speaker 1So reality was a big part of this journey to like looking at evidence , as crazy as that sounds , I just felt like what is my reality right now and why am I going down this rabbit hole ? And and I can't seem to control this and then it goes into , you know , just restructuring my thoughts and going back to the basics . So when I felt like I'm not good enough , I'm not doing enough right , and I just would recall that and say , jen , you know you're not perfect , but , my gosh , you capable . And so what ? What do you need to improve here ? Right , and then things like positive affirmations that I've kind of denied in my whole life because I've been doing that so much , but just repeating positive statements really helped me getting word in , you know I , yeah .
Speaker 1So , anyhow , seeking support , I'm seeking support . That's what I'm going to end with is seeking support . I talked to my coach about things and it always came down and thankfully I have a coach who cares about the who I am , who I am , not . What is it that Jen wants to do ? But who is Jen ? And I was coming from a few places of fear .
Speaker 2Yeah , and it's OK to know who Jen is not and what Jen is not capable of doing , and so those things we can't change and can't do , it's all right . You know , there are other people in this world , on this planet , that can do some of those things , so it's OK to let them .
Speaker 1Yes , and here it is . Here it is the grand finale . Drum roll , yes , yes , jen has learned how to be gentle with herself .
Speaker 1Gentleness is not a word I use a lot to describe me , but it's a word that was needed . It was a place that I needed to stand in and lean towards because , just like you're supposed to be resilient , you're supposed there's a lot of supposed to be statements that I realized I'm like , oh , and I'm like , well , yeah , and I can , I can be this too . I need to be self-compassion , I need to show myself some kindness and gentleness here . Yeah , yeah .
Speaker 2Some of those butt weapons we give ourselves are so much worse than anybody could ever administer , so oh yeah , we have to be gentle on ourselves .
Speaker 1That kind of what . Bass on Self is pretty big , but it's going to be back and I'm with you , corey . When that song played , it did feel like home . Yeah , you know , I was like OK , and that's sometimes what we have to do is , yeah , you have to push yourself into these things to get normalcy back in your life . I didn't want to be tucked away forever . I'm like OK , even though you're physically up , mentally , spiritually , emotionally , get up , make your moves .
Speaker 2We're so here for it , all of it , and I just want to keep saying that , because a Lot of times people aren't , and when they're not , you know you find yourself talking to yourself or talking to the wall . But you don't have to do that because here at tick the elevator , we're open to Not feeling as resilient as we should be at points and times in our lives
Self-Doubt Support and Encouragement
Speaker 2. Jen , thank you so much for sharing , thank you so much for opening up , thank you so much for giving a piece of you that you probably wouldn't have normally Given unless I said I'm putting her on the spot and I'm just getting it out of her .
Speaker 1So thank you , you're , you're welcome . Thank you for this . Sometimes the packaging Isn't tied up nicely , and that's the thing you we are a gift to each other , hmm , and it doesn't have to be wrapped so well . Like you know the concern about presentation , I Need to let that go . I need to exhale fully and just let that go . Mm-hmm , yeah , it's interesting being on a podcast when you have these aha moments like what was the most useful thing For you , and you just kind of stay quiet because you're like , okay , yeah , this was good . I .
Speaker 2Needed this .
Speaker 1I needed this good .
Speaker 1So , for our friends who are going through self doubt , find a way to take these first steps through it . Hopefully , some of the tips that we just kind of put together help you . You're not alone and you know , if you should find yourself alone and feel like you need support , corey and I are here . Hopefully you are following us on social media so you can DM us . Take the elevator underscore podcast is probably the best way and then we're all about it , like I , we really want to emphasize that you're not alone in this and it sucks when you feel alone and in reality you're not . You're not . Yeah , anyways , hope you have a wonderful Day , or , you know , you're probably well into the week . Hopefully you're having a great week . Be gentle and be kind to yourself and to one another . You know what's to take the elevator . We say look up and let's elevate .
