377th Floor: Giving and Receiving Advice in Relationships

Have you ever given someone advice only to have it backfire spectacularly? Or received well-meaning guidance that felt more like criticism than help? In this first installment of our three-part "ABCs of Relationships" series, we tackle the complex art of advice—when to give it, how to receive it, and why the source matters more than you might think.

Drawing on our 22+ years together, we share candid stories about advice that went wrong and advice that illuminated blind spots during critical moments. We examine why specific guidance resonates while other input feels off-base, and offer practical frameworks for giving and receiving wisdom across different relationship types.

Whether you're navigating workplace relationships, friendships, romantic partnerships, or family dynamics, you'll walk away with actionable strategies: ask permission before offering advice, share from experience rather than directing, listen fully before responding, and always use discernment about what serves you. This episode isn't just about advice—it's about creating stronger, more authentic connections through thoughtful communication.

Look up, and let's elevate! 

Transcript

Welcome to Take the Elevator

unknown 0:02

Every day. Elevate. Every day. Elevate. Every day.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

Hey, it's Jen the Builder. And the Corey. And welcome everyone to Take the Elevator.

SPEAKER_01 0:23

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

SPEAKER_03 0:25

We've added or we're trying out the new way of Take the Elevator, where we're still gonna be on podcast platforms like Apple Podcasts, Spotify, things like that. But I believe we're trying to get ourselves on YouTube.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

We're trying to put ourselves on YouTube and we're trying to get a video format so that um we're multifaceted.

SPEAKER_03 0:48

That's right. It's exciting. It's always good when you're trying something new.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Right.

SPEAKER_03 0:53

So, like right now, I could say, you know, hello. Yeah, hey. All right. Corey, before we get into our episode, which is by the way, one of a three-part series on the ABCs of relationships, A being advice. But before we get into that, you have anything you want to share?

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Oh man, Jen, so by this time that people will hear this podcast, um, we would have been at ReaderCon. And uh is that Corona or Riverside? Corona. And Corona, and we would have had a great time. I'm just going to put that out there. And um looking forward to all the reader book events that we're we have lined up. So please, please, please stay tuned to our social media so that you know you can know when these things are happening.

SPEAKER_03 1:45

So I have something to say about that. Something very vulnerable.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Uh-oh. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

So as authors, we got a welcome packet. Guys, this is our first time at a library at an event like this.

SPEAKER_02 1:56

Right.

SPEAKER_03 1:57

So we're kind of excited, you know, it's we're big kids in that way. And Corey's showing me the format of where everyone's seated. And I will always, I think there's always something special about your first experience.

SPEAKER_02 2:12

Right.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Um, and it's just exciting to know, like five years from now, we'll remember this. Because guess what? The seating, like they've got right when you get in, it's got the featured the sorry about that, featured authors, right? So right when you see them, when you walk in, they're there, and then there's like oh, it looks like a long corridor of maybe tier two authors, right? And then there's this space in the back. Way, way, way in the back. By the bathroom, yes, and the administration office, which of course is closed because it's the weekend, right? But you go all the way back there, and there you will see the fuzzy furry forest.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

But guess what? I don't care. Yeah, I'm so happy to be there. Absolutely. And let me tell you tier three. Tier three. Let me tell you why I'm so happy to be there. I'm so happy to be there because it's our first one, and we get to grow. We get to pay our dues and feel the momentum pick up. So that's a wonderful situation for me to be in because I I like that.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Hey, I agree. I agree. Anything else?

SPEAKER_01 3:22

No, that's about it right now. I mean, how how you been, Jen? Yeah, exciting week.

SPEAKER_03 3:29

Yeah, exciting week at work. We had um what we call a mission week.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:34

And every day, Monday through Friday, there was something that was. There was a mission. Yeah, there was something we were building on.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

Right.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

And it's, you know, I've only been on a team for two months and I felt very involved. Uh great contributor with the team to the event. Had a great time. You know, you experience the nerves and the adrenaline, and then you're like, okay, today's done. I get a calm, but then you build up again. Right, right. Right. So I'm just so grateful that Saturday was a day of rest for real. It was just so good to connect to you too.

SPEAKER_01 4:10

Yeah, I got a chance to watch the waves come and go and and how the ups were really high, and the lows weren't that low, but it was it was enough low for you to just kind of bottom out, need some rest, need to get some good sleep, need a good meal, and uh get yourself back together. But the highs were way up there, and I felt like wow, she's floating in cloud 10 to get nine.

SPEAKER_03 4:35

Yep, and I learned so much about me, yeah, so much working with uh my new team. Yeah. So that's been a gift, and I'm so grateful for my leader.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

Good stuff, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:44

Just good all the way around. Yeah. So I'm really excited about today. Um, and I want to jump in, but I just think it'd be kind of rude if I didn't ask you how your week was, besides supporting me like nobody's business.

SPEAKER_01 4:58

My week was was decent. It wasn't anything exciting as far as work, but I knew the Reader Con event is coming up. I know that you know we're ramping up for a new book. I know we're ramping up for the book that's currently out. We're right we're just ramping, and it's it feels good to have all the pistons firing at the same time. Uh, with with writing, we're writing right now. We're also again supporting Kelly Kenga, and we're watching the new book be formulated. We got the renders of and the sketches, so we're it's a lot of fun.

SPEAKER_03 5:36

So good. And that the new book's coming out November.

SPEAKER_01 5:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:39

Right? So two more months. Uh yeah, just an amazing book. And that'll be book number five. So remember, this is a series of 12. I've been saying 13.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Well, it is 13. It's 13.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

It's a baker's dozen.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Okay. Anyhow.

SPEAKER_01 5:55

And I think I kind of left the cat out of the bag, but if I didn't, then I'm just gonna keep quiet on what that 13th one is.

SPEAKER_03 6:00

Yeah, yeah. All right. So I think this is such a well-timed episode because I sought out a lot of your advice during the week. And so I just thought, how beautiful that this is about advice. So we're gonna talk about how advice shapes, how it strengthens, and sometimes advice can complicate a relationship. So giving and receiving, right? That's some of the things that we're gonna highlight too. Um, so Gory, do you have a story that you'd like to share with us about advice that you've held on to?

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Yes. Um one bit of really good, important advice, and I and I just held on to this for till this day, is communicate, communicate, communicate. And I mean communicate to the point to where you're over-communicating. And that's in any relationship between a uh a worker or an employee and a boss, um, husband and wife, children, a parent, friends. Um, if you're over-communicating, you don't have to worry about things being misconstrued, you don't have to worry about um not being understood or that person understanding, you know, vice versa. So communicate. That's the key to any successful relationship.

SPEAKER_03 7:28

That is great advice. So I'm gonna piggyback on that because some advice that I wish I didn't quite listen to was around communication too.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:39

So it sounds like it's great advice to begin with, right? And the advice was communicate the way with others, the way wait, sorry, communicate with others the way you want to be communicated with.

SPEAKER_01 7:52

The thing is, yeah, that's not good.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

No, so I'm a socializer, I want to hear from you on all things. It doesn't work for everybody. So thankfully, in our journey of growth and learning and stuff, I was introduced to the platinum rule of communication. And it's simply this communicate with others the way they want to be communicated with. So this takes for you to get to learn them, yeah, to understand their communication styles and what speaks to them. And that has been a game changer.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Yes, and and one last thing that I really want to point out, especially to you new relationship people, and this more goes for uh romantic relationships. There is absolutely, positively no silent treatment. That is a relationship killer.

SPEAKER_03 8:44

Yes, it is. Yeah, yes, it is. Now it doesn't mean you can't say I need some time to think about it, you know. Give me, give me a little bit of time and probably be specific with that time.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

Right. But you know what I'm talking about. What's wrong?

SPEAKER_03 9:01

Nothing.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

Did I do something?

SPEAKER_03 9:04

No.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

Are you mad at me?

SPEAKER_03 9:08

Why why do you think that? Right? It's that that kind of all right. So let's go ahead and break it down. Advice, because there's a few things that linger in the space of advice.

SPEAKER_02 9:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:23

There's advice, there's opinions, there's support. What are we talking about when we say advice?

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Advice is that bit of information that you're passing on that could be used, and it's probably from some form of past experience, um, and a successful experience.

ABCs of Relationships: Advice

SPEAKER_03 9:46

Yeah, I really like that. I think that's important. It's like you've experienced this already. I would say, in addition to that, it's guidance counsel, right? Guided course with the intent to help.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 10:00

Um, so when you have an opinion, how does that differ than advice?

SPEAKER_01 10:06

Um, it's just what I'm thinking about. I don't know if it's gonna work. It's never really worked for me. And I've I haven't really tried this, but you know, I I'd love to see you try it to see if it works for you.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

Okay, then there's that. There's that. There's that. Okay, that's a whole nother element, but I guess, yeah. And then when I think of support, I think support is more just being present. You're showing up with encouragement. I I'm gonna say empathy, but I think empathy is important in advice too, because you have to show up with empathy because there's no intent to harm, right? Right. But in that space of support, it's encouragement, empathy, care, and it doesn't mean I'm necessarily offering solutions.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

I'm just there.

SPEAKER_01 10:53

Yeah. I like what you said that as far as support, you know, you're able to receive a text, you're able to send a text, and this is not always on the problem or the issue that you're dealing with. Sometimes it's just just, you know, reach out. Hey, how's it going? Yeah. Everything going good? You know?

SPEAKER_03 11:12

Absolutely. So we know when you're in a relationship, whether it be romantic, a friendship, a work relationship, there's always a form of giving and receiving wisdom or giving and receiving advice. So we're gonna start with the dynamics of giving advice. Because I don't know if y'all have ever had a moment where you gave advice and it just went south.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:39

What makes it giving advice go that direction?

SPEAKER_01 11:43

It's difficult to say exactly when it goes south, but it's quick, it's best to try to recover quickly opposed to marinating or staying in that downward spiral of bad advice. Um I'll say it like this I've been given bad advice before, and I I shared that with uh I shared that with um the last episode about you know my sister. Oh no, no, we didn't actually air that one.

SPEAKER_03 12:17

Yeah, yeah, that's on the shelf.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so for you you guys that sorry, I get I just got all tripped up, but um, I shared a story where my sister gave me some horrible advice and it just spiraled out of control and I didn't recover very quickly. So my mom had to come to the rescue.

SPEAKER_03 12:37

Yeah, yeah. So I'm gonna talk about pitfank god for moms, right? Yeah. So I'm gonna talk about pitfalls of giving advice. I the what I think it is. I think more than anything, make sure when you give advice it's being asked for. Yes. Because when you give unsolicited advice, it feels like criticism. Because you're just coming out of left field and being like, I'm gonna give you advice, and here it is, right? I also think, and I've learned this as a leader that too much advice can create a very dependent team. Right. Right. So you really want to, or even resentment, right? So balance that out. And lastly, I've mentioned it already, advice without empathy can lead to harm. So trying to understand where that person is, how they're experiencing it, and taking that into consideration.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Can I give an example? My mom used to give me advice about basketball, and my mom never played a day of basketball in her life.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

I love it.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

I just love and as funny as that sounds, that's as funny as it was because I'm listening and I'm like, she has no clue what she's talking about.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

She's oh, you know, before you make a touchdown.

SPEAKER_01 14:02

Exactly. So um, sometimes you have to be a little more graceful in the way you excuse this advice. Yes, because there it's coming from a good place, but it just it's not gonna land properly.

SPEAKER_03 14:15

And so we're gonna talk about that in the art of receiving it, right? Yeah, um, just giving advice, I think that's a good point, Corey. Make sure you've got experience or some kind of knowledge when it comes to that, right?

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Right.

SPEAKER_03 14:28

And if you don't, um simply don't make it up and maybe point them another direction or just say, you know, I love you and I just don't have anything for you. And maybe I I listen, I love to listen. You know, I'm sorry that you're going through this tough time and I'm here for you.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Or how about son, you know, your dad was the basketball, your dad was an athlete.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

You might want to talk about redirect, right? Right? So positive roles of advice, man, because when advice is good, it's good. Yeah. And I and I had quite a few moments of advice you gave me. What it really did for me is it helped me see blind spots because things were going so fast, right? And it's heightened and it's a good heightened, but there's pressure, there's timing of everything. Yeah. A little bit, I want to say, of performance, meaning when you're facilitating, you know, it you're time managing and all these things. So coming to you with things, you were able to see things at a different level that really helped me with my blind spot. So I'm gonna say that was number one in receiving. I also think that your perspective, which was different than mine, helped me make some tough decisions.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Yeah. And well, it helps when you're on the outside looking in, opposed to being on the inside looking out. So when when someone's asking for your advice, you're not directly connected to the situation that's currently going on. So it does, you're not basing this advice on how it's gonna affect you, you're basing it off of how it's affecting that person you're giving the advice.

Understanding Different Types of Advice

SPEAKER_03 16:11

Yeah, yeah. Um, I think for me, a good rule of thumb for me in giving advice is I ask myself, is this ego driven or is this out of care? Because sometimes being so opinionated, and I am very passionate about different things, and I've checked myself because sometimes I'm giving advice based on what I think. Right, right, or I'm pushing the agenda here. That's not advice, that's whole, it's very ego, and I'm like, pull back, pull back, you know. Anything else that you want to add to giving advice before we jump into I have this one thing like when someone's giving you good advice, or let's say it like this, you're giving good advice, right?

SPEAKER_01 17:00

And you see someone almost pick up a piece of paper because it's like, oh my god, this is good stuff. Don't turn it up, keep it right there because that's what they're looking for. If you go too far, you're gonna lose them.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

I like that. Yeah, I like that a lot. Awesome. All right, so we're calling this the art of receiving advice because it is an art. It is, it is so let's just talk about this first and foremost. Why is it sometimes hard to receive advice?

SPEAKER_01 17:35

Oh boy, that it's not tough at all for me, but it's tough to have to say it. Um, a lot of times, people are offering advice on things they have no clue what they're talking about, they have no experience on what they're talking about. Let's say Jen and I have been in a relationship for over 22 years, and someone that has little to no experience in a relationship trying to give me advice is really hard to take that in. And I'm almost ready to shut it down when I hear it building up. I'm like, uh, it's cringy. You're just like, don't, don't, no, no, I'm not I don't want to hear that. I'm good. I'm good.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

So what do you think that is? Is it because everybody wants to more years in, so you feel like I've got more experience than you?

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Well, no, no, I think what it is is that, you know, as friends, um, we look at our friends and their relationships. We typically, if if you've had a successful relationship, you typically know what's making your relationship successful. And if you've seen someone having horrible success in their relationships, you typically know what the problem is, but you can't just blurt it out. But you don't want to take advice from them because you know they're giving you their personal experience, and typically it's gonna lead to somewhere not so good.

SPEAKER_03 19:04

Hmm. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

And I think I used the word typical too many times, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:13

So in addition, I think too that it might be hard to receive advice because you're more independent. Like I was talking to a good friend of mine and I was emotional.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

And um she thought because I've been years with certain experience, and she sees me as someone who does this so well, or someone she looks up to, someone who's a mentor, like she's not able or shouldn't be giving me advice. So when she did give me advice, she kind of pulled it back. And I was like, no, I want that. That was good, I need that, and so that I'm very aware of like people give advice, and even though I may have more years in, it doesn't mean your fresh eyes don't have something to give me that's very wise.

SPEAKER_01 20:11

Oh, absolutely, right? No, no, I agree a hundred percent. But let me give a very specific uh situation that I personally was in where I was talking to someone that thought, you know, I'm gonna give Corey some advice, even though he hasn't asked. You know, sometimes you just gotta put your foot down because you're the man. And I'm like, yeah. Let's let's move on, because that's that's not gonna work. That's never worked in the history of the world. So we're not going there.

SPEAKER_03 20:39

Oh, and then I think too, another factor is what makes it hard receiving some advice from some people is either you don't really trust that person or you haven't had enough time, or you're you haven't been in that relationship long enough to know, do I should I trust this? Right. Right. Um so one of the ways that we we agreed to this that it sourced credibility at the end of the day. Who's telling me this? Yes and do they do this? Do they live by this?

SPEAKER_01 21:14

Do they live by it? That's the key right there.

SPEAKER_03 21:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

And if you don't live by your own rule of put your foot down, you're the man, you run the house, please don't give that to someone else.

SPEAKER_03 21:25

Right, right. Cause I I have I don't have a poker face. So when someone gives me advice and I'm like, What?

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Like, what are you telling me? Are you crazy?

SPEAKER_03 21:39

Yeah, I was just with you yesterday, and that's not what you do.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Right.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

Either way, um, I also this question helps me is this advice gonna help me grow? Is it gonna move me forward? Right, right. Um I think that's a great question. And always, always, always I think this does this align with my values and who I am?

SPEAKER_01 22:01

Right.

SPEAKER_03 22:02

Period. Those are good indicators to let you know this might be advice that you could possibly take. Now, the last thing in this in this one section is how do you respond even when you don't take the advice? So someone gives it to you and you're not gonna take it for the sake of the relationship, because you know, at Take the Elevator, we're about relationships, we're about people. So, how do you preserve that relationship and not react in such a way that's gonna hurt them?

SPEAKER_01 22:33

Well, typically, here's my word again. Um, if I am very close to that person, I want to be as transparent and as honest as possible. So if I'm close to them, I'm gonna say I'm good if I'm not gonna take it. I'm gonna say this is not something that I really want advice on. If it's someone I don't know that well, then I'm probably just gonna say thanks. Oh, oh yeah, that's cool. Thank you very much. I appreciate that, and move on and try to end the conversation as quick as possible.

SPEAKER_03 23:08

Okay, right on. Um, the way I might give, not might, because I'm giving it.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Right.

The Art of Receiving Advice

SPEAKER_03 23:15

The way I would translate that is definitely acknowledge, you know, the fact that they're giving you advice and that you're grateful for the time that they've spent giving that to you. Um and I don't necessarily just like shut it down right away. Like I'll give you a little bit of time to see if it makes sense, and then I use my discernment to decide is if this is for me or not. But either way, we definitely advocate for being kind when when receiving advice that you're not gonna take.

SPEAKER_02 23:53

Right.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

Okay. So I love this topic. Love, love, love the topics of generations. We are Gen Xers, proudly. And then um I did I just ask for Gen Xers. Now I've taken an assessment. Corey, you know I love assessments. In fact, I'm gonna I'm gonna just straighten it up.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

You're gonna tell the card story.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

So, wait, what? Card story.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

The little spinning.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

I don't remember that one.

SPEAKER_01 24:26

Oh, we'll we'll tackle that in another time.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

I want to know about that, but I was in my um my office and I'm like doing stuff and I'm printing and printing, and I'm like, ooh, and I and I make sounds out loud, even by myself.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 24:43

And Corey comes in, he's like, what are you doing? I saw another, he's like, are you taking another one of those assessments? Yes, I am. This one was really cool. I'll tell you more about it later. But um, all that to say that when I took the assessment for the generations, and I don't know, I'm so proud of this, maybe because I'm in denial of my age, but I actually show up more as a millennial, and then I have some Gen Z attributes. Why why would I get excited about that? Well, let me tell you, because I can I plan on continuing. Corey and I are gonna work with people, I hope, until this life is over.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:26

And so we have to be in tune with our generation, older generations, and the generations that are younger than us. That's important to us. I want us to be relevant, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

And so it's funny to me because I I don't typically oh it's just going crazy with this word today, but I don't I don't usually go through the whole synonym. Yeah, I just had to replace it. I don't usually go through the whole assessment process. Um, but learning that you do that has been such a treat for me to see how it works and how you apply it. And and don't get me wrong, I'm doing the same thing. I'm I'm figuring out how you're applying it and applying it to myself as well. But it's just fun to joke with you to say, what what access uh assessment are you doing today?

SPEAKER_03 26:21

I I just I love them. Okay, so let's talk about older generation giving advice.

SPEAKER_01 26:27

Cool.

SPEAKER_03 26:28

It can be seen as wisdom, right, and tradition. It could be. Yeah. How do you think Gen Zers see advice from us?

SPEAKER_01 26:42

Um so let me let me let me say this. If they're asking for it, they really want it.

SPEAKER_03 26:53

Yeah, they're pretty honest and forward about what they want.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

If they're not asking for it, leave it alone.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

See? So that ground rule with advice, give it if it's asked for, right?

SPEAKER_01 27:07

And when you see the light go off, because we've all been talking to someone, and that light goes off, like I'm not listening to you, I'm not paying attention, just pull but way back. And if and if they should come to you and say, Hey, you know, you were telling me something, and then you just kind of you know pull back, like, oh, okay, my bad. I I didn't know you were, you know, still paying attention or listening to me. I didn't know you were that interested, and go back into it. But typically, yeah, I don't I don't give it unless it's asked for.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

Good point. I've asked for advice from the younger generations because I'm really curious.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

Were you scared?

Generational Differences in Advice

SPEAKER_03 27:45

Um, no. Okay. It just gives me so much learning. It's almost like an assessment, it's just it's great grounds to learn.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

So when asking them, they definitely share freely. Yeah. That's never a thing. Um, I think there's a struggle when they feel it's ignored. Because it's almost like I just spent time with you and told you what that should be.

SPEAKER_01 28:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

And you didn't listen.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

I've experienced that with the books. And and I I asked a question and I didn't take proper notes, so I had to go back and yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

So I got a little bit of a uh a spanking.

SPEAKER_03 28:25

Sure. And I think if we do that amongst our generation or the older, we understand I didn't take notes or I forgot. That happens a lot, guys, you know, in our generation. When the younger generation seeks or gives advice, I feel like they're definitely more open to their peers. And they're very plugged in, of course, to social media. They get a lot of their advice from podcasts. Um, and uh yeah, I think the digital world, TikTok, my goodness, people live by TikTok.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

It's not always good advice, it's not always great advice, but they're getting it out there. And so let's hope they're they're finding something that's kind of mutual or you know, give some kind of baseline of good, you know. I don't know, it's hard because I'm why I watch people make horrible mistakes from doing this digital thing. And I mean, let's talk about what's happening in the uh realm of retaliation and and keyboard warriors, people yeah, people are like, yeah, I will do this to you, or I'll, you know, I feel this way about you or that way about you. And then people are figuring out how to get in contact with these people, and yeah, it just it turns out very, very bad.

SPEAKER_03 29:47

Yeah, really sad. Okay, there's a statement that I don't really agree with, but they're saying the younger generations may that's a big important word here, may undervalue the lived experience of their elders. I don't feel that. I think if if the younger generation shows interest, that means they're really interested. Because I think they're just very straight up. Like, yes, I'm asking because I actually think there's something there, or I'm just not asking you because I don't think there's anything there.

SPEAKER_01 30:19

So this is opinion. This is not uh a fact. Uh it's my opinion that we have um experienced a threat and a fear from our parents that they would hurt us or harm us if we didn't do what we they said to do. It's a true story. And I feel like this generation that, you know, what are they, Gen X?

SPEAKER_03 30:45

Well, we've got I think millennials, millennials and Gen Z's.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

Yeah, they have no fear of stuff. And then once they experience something and that true fear sets in, that's when they realize, like, oh my goodness, I probably should have listened to someone.

SPEAKER_03 31:01

Right, right. Absolutely. And then I think too, Corey, and we go deep into this, and we're gonna touch on this and maybe expand in a later episode.

SPEAKER_01 31:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 31:11

But I always think, how do we stay relevant? Like, what main events have changed so much that we're no longer in touch with what younger generations may go through? So I said, okay, let's talk about COVID and that big, huge moment of crisis, uncertainty. It was scary. We were locked down when we were younger. What did we experience that would have been equivalent to COVID?

SPEAKER_01 31:41

Uh, probably the AIDS uh epidemic that that happened.

SPEAKER_03 31:47

That was scary.

SPEAKER_01 31:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:49

They didn't know how it was transmitted for a long time. For a long time.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:55

And our generation, we it was about connection. We were always together physically. We weren't just keeping in touch via chat. That was not a thing for us texting. No. It was we were literally hanging out. And then, and then there, of course, there's stories of like the boogeyman when it came to AIDS, right? So I think that's where what I take away is we may not go through the same exact things because technology has changed and the world is moving so rapidly. But when you look at the themes of fear or themes of confusion and chaos, right? Or things that are released that aren't making sense. I think every generation has gone through that. Every generation has gone through an economic crisis.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Um to some degree. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Can I can I jump in there real quick, Jen? So I I think in this generation, a lot of times uh parents and adults are relying on the digital to take care of the information given out. And it's relied upon. Whereas um we listen to our parents, but I grew up personally looking into things myself, digging for myself, researching myself.

SPEAKER_02 33:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

And I've been asked questions that I thought was, you know, like, who does that? Who researches all that? Who looks into all that? Who reads the back of labels? Who knows what's good for you? And I'm like, well, that's our job as human beings to know what's good for us and what's not. It there's no prerequisite that everybody's gonna do the best thing for you, right? So you have to read, you have to look at the labels and read the definitions, and especially if you don't know.

SPEAKER_03 33:44

Totally, yeah. Good point. Good point. So we're gonna come to the close of this episode and we're gonna just kind of give these real quick advice across relationship types. Okay, romantic relationships, and it's so important I we agreed to this to balance giving advice versus just simply listening. Uh, Corey, there have been times where I've told you, like, I just need you to listen right now. I don't, you know, this isn't about what I need to do next.

SPEAKER_01 34:19

Yeah, and in my mind, I'm saying, Corey, shut up. Don't say anything. Just sit here and stare intently like you're listening, and make sure you understand what she's saying. But don't ask too many questions because it's gonna throw the conversation off.

Practical Takeaways for Relationships

SPEAKER_03 34:36

Yeah. And you're all you're always great, at least in this relationship. Corey, you really define what you need. Like before he comes to me, I need you to pay attention and listen, please. I need you to talk back to me, like give me dialogue, right? Or I just I just need you to listen. Yeah, right. That's great. And then for friendships, this one's coming for me, Corey. You can add on if you have anything. It's for me, it's being supportive without trying to fix everything. Um, as the oldest child, I've just grown up to be a fixer, and that's not my place in life to fix things for people, right? Because they're fully capable. My friends are strong, they're wise, they know these things, and so just to be supportive.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

Yeah, I I realized a long time ago, people don't need fixing, they need to know directions. Yeah, and so if you draw a map or give clear directions on how to get somewhere, they're tip usually they're okay. They find their way.

SPEAKER_03 35:45

All right. Um, family relationships. I know there's different types of family relationships, but for the sake of time, let's just go with parent parental.

SPEAKER_01 35:54

Parental.

SPEAKER_03 35:55

Parent-child relationships. I think for us, the big one, because our kids are 31, 29, and our youngest is about to be 27 in October.

SPEAKER_02 36:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:06

Um it's parental advice that is appropriate for when they're younger and learning to shift for when they're older and and they're adult children who have autonomy.

SPEAKER_01 36:21

Yeah. I've watched lots of mistakes as adult, and I've simply asked, why didn't you ask me? Why didn't you bring it up to me? We could have talked about that. And but I leave it completely up to them to figure out whether that's something they want to do or they want to keep going down the same road.

SPEAKER_03 36:40

Yeah. Uh, workplace relationships. What would be your overall wisdom in there?

SPEAKER_01 36:46

Do your job.

SPEAKER_03 36:48

I love it. Do your job. Did you catch that? Just do your job. Okay, so here, real quick, just some practical, typical for because Corey's been loving that word, takeaways for giving advice. We agree, ask permission first. Yeah, right, share from your experience, not as a directive. That's not what this is, and offer curiosity instead of commands. I think those are our top three for giving them for receiving, listen before fully responding, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

Oh, yeah, that's always good.

SPEAKER_03 37:27

Yeah. Thank the giver, even if you choose to do something differently, just thank them. And then using discernment, huge. Like, again, we broke that down. Does this make sense for me? Is it lined up with my values? Is this gonna help me? So using that, keep what serves you and release what doesn't. Period.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Indeed.

SPEAKER_03 37:51

Well, Corey, thank you for bringing this episode forward. I love it. Next week we'll be going over the B. We're not gonna share what that is, um, because we're even still playing just to choose one B for ABC's relationship. And then, of course, we have the C. But we hope that this has lifted you up and elevated you because you know us at Take the Elevator. We say, look up and let's elevate.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

Yeah.

unknown 38:22

Every day, elevate every day.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Every day, elevate, every day.