Almost Brothers Podcast
Whats up whats up whats up.. welcome to your new favorite podcast. Join your hosts Michael, Richard, and Tyler as we discuss God, church, life, and the journey through this crazy world. Get away from the stresses of life with this podcast. We will be hitting on various topics from sports, to life with Christ.
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Almost Brothers Podcast
Healing Through the Power of Forgiveness
Have you ever wondered why forgiving someone, especially when they haven't asked for it, feels like an insurmountable challenge? Join us on this emotional journey as we unpack the true essence of forgiveness, shedding light on why it's crucial for our personal growth and healing. Through heartfelt personal stories and profound discussions, we reveal how forgiveness isn't about excusing someone's behavior but rather about liberating yourself from the heavy chains of resentment. Learn the importance of setting boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health, and how this act of self-preservation can lead to inner peace and stronger relationships.
In another deeply moving segment, we tackle the often-overlooked subject of self-forgiveness. Reflecting on the guilt and sorrow of losing a best friend to suicide, we open up about the painful journey toward forgiving ourselves and finding peace. Drawing comfort from the scriptures, particularly a poignant moment from Romans, we emphasize the necessity of self-compassion and grace. By sharing these intimate stories and reflections, we highlight the importance of progress over perfection, and how embracing our humanity can lead to a more compassionate and fulfilling life. Tune in to discover that forgiving yourself is not just an act of kindness but a crucial step for your personal growth and well-being.
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go ahead, then rich go ahead what sing it. Forgiveness is more than saying sorry I forgive you for that bad singing.
Speaker 1:What's up, what's up, what's up everyone.
Speaker 2:I forgive you for that bad intro.
Speaker 1:Yeah that's four. What's up, what's up, what's up? Everybody, welcome back to a brand new episode of the Almost Brothers podcast. Thank you for joining us yet again today. Love you so much. We are excited for this episode. Tyler, how you doing rock and roll?
Speaker 4:every episode now is gonna be I'm doing good, I'm good rich, how you doing I'm fantastic I love y'all.
Speaker 1:Man. This, this has been a fun day and I'm excited for the rest of today and tomorrow. Love your faces. Super excited On today's episode we are talking about. You heard it from Richard first, forgiveness.
Speaker 2:You heard it badly here first. It's a tough one For-give-ness.
Speaker 1:Zeke, love you. I don't have time for you. This is tough man. This is this is gonna be a tough one. You know talking about forgiveness and and how every person on the planet, regardless of your background, regardless of how much money you got, regardless of your religious affiliation this is something we all need to do better at. So why is this just so hard?
Speaker 2:why is it so hard? Because it generally comes with self-reflection and yeah and a change of attitude on our behalf yeah in order to to get to that point, to where we can forgive somebody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for me it's. It's. For me it's so hard, because it's our job, to forgive that other person, regardless of if they're asking for forgiveness, right, so it it. It teeters on that line of me forgiving them as saying it's okay, right and it's tough man it's like, but they don't, but they're not sorry, yeah right, I know they're not sorry. They they've done it a thousand times. You know one, yeah, and it's like. So that's where it's hard for me is like just swallowing that hurt and that pain and the things that you're going through.
Speaker 4:I feel like that's why it's a hard thing is because it almost feels like you're having to say it's okay, whatever it is they did or said. When that's not the case by forgiving, you're not by any means condoning what happened or anything. When that's not the case, yeah, you know, by forgiving you're not by any means condoning what happened or anything like that. But that's sort of what we start to attribute forgiveness to is saying it's okay it's right, you know it, it's not whatever.
Speaker 4:Whatever it is, but that's not, that's not what it is, and and we hold on to, like you said, hold on to that pain and you start. You start growing bitter with it. Yeah, and then you start growing in that bitterness and that makes it even harder.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause that, that unforgiveness, it it doesn't affect that person, it affects you, it starts eating at you and it seeps into all of your relationships and and it's just not good for you one of because exactly that thing happened.
Speaker 2:You know, I don't know if I've talked about it on here or not, but I was molested as a child by my cousin and and it was exactly that situation. I had to forgive him for myself, but it was. It felt like letting him off the hook.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like like he didn't, he didn't do anything to earn that forgiveness. And again, it's not about him, it's. It's it was eating me up. So you know, having to let go of all that pain, it had to happen for me, yeah, for my relationship with god, you know just to to be able to move past that when I've heard.
Speaker 1:I've heard this saying that having unforgiveness towards somebody is like swallowing poison and expecting them to die right, it's just eating you up. You know it's, they're living their best life like it's, but it's eating you up. So being able to kind of let that go and and say you know what it's not right, it's not okay, but I've got to forgive you for me right, but at the same time, you do not have to put yourself in that same situation over and over again when I think a lot of people that do the hurting that's, that's the way they see.
Speaker 1:That's the way they see the situation is well what? Why? Why aren't you texting me or calling me and you haven't forgiven me? It's like, no, I have, I just I can't. I can no longer put myself in that space anymore. I forgive you. I'm just not going to allow you to do that again. Right, you could do both. You could have self-preservation. Like this is for me. I need to remove myself from you. I hope the best for you, but I forgive you, but I can't be, around you.
Speaker 2:Well, I have forgiven my cousin, but I'm not going to have my kids around him.
Speaker 1:Right, right, it's just like no, that's not how God wants us to live. You know, you don't just keep allowing yourself to get trampled over. Right, Like you know, and that's what a lot of people look at Christians in that light Like, well, you should, just aren't you supposed to forgive? And it's like, yeah, but that doesn't mean just let people run over you.
Speaker 2:And that comes from biblical ignorance, just not knowing what the word says about it.
Speaker 1:Right and I know, tyler, I know you've talked about this lately just kind of how that bitterness begins to build up and you just start thinking about it and it's just like, oh, why am I so angry?
Speaker 4:Yeah, and it sucks because you you start feeling bitter about that and you and it really, like I said, it kind of filters into different aspects of your life and you start feeling just bitter all around. Yeah, um and it's. And then the part that sucks about it is especially after you're acknowledging that bitterness and you're getting tired of the bitterness. You start wrestling with that because on one hand, you're hurt, you don't want to forgive. On the other hand, I'm tired and I want to get this over with.
Speaker 4:Right but, and it's so, it's a, it's a. It's a mental, emotional, like battle with yourself Cause, at least, at least for me right now, it's because, on one hand, I want to forgive, on the second hand, I'm still bitter about everything that happened, whatever. Yeah, um, actually I've been working with uh paul pierce on songwriting stuff and one of the things he was telling me is, when he writes, he, he, he writes about the things that he's experiencing going through, and I kind of uh, kind of took that a little bit and I actually started writing a song on uh for forgiveness, and one of the lines I'm actually pretty proud of is forgiving is to set us free, but forgetting is not that easy for me.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 4:That's good and that and that that that's really that's where I'm at is I want to. I want to forgive and and get passes and and feel and just release all that business for me. But it's hard because I remembered.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it. And if you're not careful you'll carry that into another relationship and put that on someone else that has nothing to do with it. Yeah, exactly, you know. You see that a lot in dating relationships where so-and-so was hurt in the past and now they don't trust anybody new and the person new has to fight through all that. You know, all that distrust and all that hurt and all that pain and it makes it tough on them and it's unfair yeah, the misconception is is that that's okay?
Speaker 2:yeah you know, my old boyfriend cheated on me, so now I expect that you're going to that's not okay. Now I have trust issues that's like no, we just met, we just started dating like what do you mean?
Speaker 1:yeah and it and it. We make that okay in our own head, right? Like, oh, it's okay, I'm this is we think that's what it means to to self preserve? Is that okay? I just won't trust the next person, right?
Speaker 1:And that's not what that is. You know it's, it's unfair, know, and a lot of good things. And you know I don't want to go to that job because it reminds me of an old job I had that they treated me poorly. Well, that doesn't mean the new job is going to do that. So you know, and and it goes with everything, goes with relationships and dating and friendships and yeah, all of those things, man and. And so my next question is we know it's hard to forgive others. How come it's so hard to forgive ourself? Because, because, we're.
Speaker 4:We are our own worst enemy and critic, and all that, yeah, we cause. We know ourselves, usually know ourselves better than anyone else does, and it's, it's, it's it that requires self-reflection, humility and all these things that are just for us, as just natural, selfish human beings, to do that yeah, my thing is regardless of what the word says, I still feel like I shouldn't be forgiven yeah like I don't feel, like I never feel like I do enough or or say the right things, or do the right things in order to earn that forgiveness that God gives freely.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I still feel like we have a role to play in that forgiveness. You know, we we need to try and earn that forgiveness, even if we can't. We need to try and earn that forgiveness. Even if we can't, we need to try and do our best to earn it. But I struggle with that. I struggle with just feeling, just feeling like it's feeling you're worthy of it yeah, and I and it's just it's, I don't know it's, it's just hard for me to vocalize that, I guess.
Speaker 4:I mean, that's just a natural thing. You see yourself as not worthy of something as great as eternal life. Right, and it's there. Was it Romans 8.28 or 3.28, something Shaped like an eight where Paul was talking. I can't remember if it was an eight or half an eight. That's a three.
Speaker 2:On today's math lesson with all my brothers.
Speaker 4:Oh my God, Paul was talking right. It was Paul that wrote Romans. Continue.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 1:Look, I'm no Bible scholar.
Speaker 4:Leave me alone. If you get to it, I can tell to it. I don't know what it was. It was, uh, the verse where he's talking about, like, even though I was, I'm the, the worst of the worst, the cheapest of sinners yeah okay, christ died for well, we're still saying it's christ died for us. Yeah, okay, okay is that, was that it romans day 28 I had to look at.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think it might have been and it's so funny and that for me, that kind of gives me encouragement, because if that's, you know, that's someone saying, I feel the exact same way right but we need to acknowledge that, that even even though we feel this way, yeah, okay, I was like no, I think that's all things work for the good.
Speaker 1:that's romans 828, I'll have to find the other one you gotta find the address. Yeah.
Speaker 4:But it's. I get to a place where I start feeling that and I'm like well, I need to believe that what the Bible says is true. So I need to align what I think about myself to that.
Speaker 1:And that's really easy to say it's easiest yeah absolutely it's easy to to live out daily, yeah well, I've really been struggling with this the the past couple weeks, um, you know, with Jordan, um, so my best friend from school took his own life, um, not too long ago, and it was a real struggle with me. Like when I got there, it was it was just really tough to kind of see his parents and his grandparents and I didn't even realize that he was struggling like this, that he was really going through some stuff that he just couldn't get over. And it got to the point to where I told Jamie, like when I went up to his casket, man, I'm just like I'm sorry that I didn't know this, like that this was something I didn't know, that that he was going through, and I had to like leave the room and go to another room and I was struggling with forgiving myself for Not being there in that, like in those moments with him, and like knowing, like man, man, this is one of my best friends in the world and I didn't know he was struggling like this, like I, I feel like I failed as a friend, you know, and it's like I talked to his mom and I'm like I'm so sorry that, like I had no idea that he was struggling like this and I and of we can't put that on ourself but I really struggled for like the past since then, like why did I not reach out? Why did I not know this? Why did I not? Why could I not been the one that called him at the right time or that said, hey, hey, man, are you doing okay? Instead of just hey, bud, man, I love you. I hope everything's going good?
Speaker 1:So it's been a struggle for me to kind of forgive myself over the fact that I didn't know that he was struggling like that. You know. So I've said it before a million times like I'm kind of my own worst enemy, but it just really like struck me like man I've got to do a better job at at being a friend that's not just a friend in the good times, but also a friend that that wants to be there for his buddies to struggle in, and then like being being better at forgiving myself for my shortcomings, cause I get real, I get real tough on myself. You know, many times when, when I've struggled in the past or when I struggle being a good dad or a good?
Speaker 1:husband or being a good friend man. So this is kind of a subject that has been real tough for me in the past few weeks and it's been hard to sleep and kind of just something that's been like weighing, kind of weighing on my heart just like man. You know, I wish I was kind of just better, just all around better. And I think that's something that a lot of people struggle with is just forgiving yourself for falling short and not being as good or as far as as you wanted to be and that you hoped on being. And you know, I think that's something that people just really, you know, really struggle with is just, man, just forgive yourself. Like you're gonna fall, you're gonna fail, you're gonna fall short. Just, you know, try to try to pick up and do better tomorrow. You know, try to pick up and and you know, keep, try to pick up and keep moving forward tomorrow. If that's you out there and either you're struggling by yourself or you're struggling forgiving yourself, give yourself room to mess up and to fall short.
Speaker 2:I think you hit the nail on the head with that. It's just doing better. You know it's progress over perfection. We just have to do better every day.
Speaker 4:And it's hard in situations like that because we're only human, we only know so much and we can only do so much and putting a lot of weight on yourself like that, you got to remind yourself to give yourself some grace, because, again, you're just one person. Yeah, there's many people out there that can be doing the same thing that you're thinking you could have done, and it's tough in those situations because, again, we are our own worst enemy, and I'm sure everyone is harder on themselves than anyone else is, and I think that's just a natural thing. But at the same time, it's important to just like God. Just like Christ, we all fall short of the glory of God. We're still forgiven, though, and I think that's part of being Christ-like still forgiven them. I think that's that's part of being christ-like. We've got to show people other people love, but we also need to show that to ourselves.
Speaker 4:Yeah, at the same time we need forgive others, just as christ forgiven us, we need to forgive ourselves too. Yeah, and I'll be I'll be quick. Quick to forgive others and slow to forgive myself, right, you know it's like, and it's hard because and that's a lot of you know you hold yourself accountable to the point you know of, you know just kind of being overbearing with it really, you just have to manage expectations.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you said, we're just human, we we're. We're not going to be perfect. We're going to do all we can do, we're going to struggle, we're going to do our best and that's that's it, I mean and there's and there's and that's a.
Speaker 4:It's a tough and and and dangerous kind of rabbit hole. You can take yourself down with the what if I did this? What if I did that?
Speaker 4:we will never know we, you know and then maybe maybe, maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't, we don't know. That's one thing, uh, that I struggle with my one of my best friends died back in 2013. Um, we, we were super, super close in junior high and early in high school and he moved away and and he got, you know, he was running around with the wrong crowd and doing something dangerous that and got himself killed. And I'm thinking you know what, if, what, if I had reached out to him more, got him around me to where he wasn't doing so many stupid and dangerous things?
Speaker 4:you know, yeah, and because I? Because I remember the last time I spoke to him I said, hey, come around more. Why didn't I try to open the door for myself and say I'll come around more, right? You know, yeah, and that's, and that's something I I chose in the moment not to hang over my head because I know it wasn't on me. Yes, I could have.
Speaker 4:Maybe, maybe, we don't know maybe I could have made a difference yeah but this and it's the harsh reality of life is there's things that we just can't take back. We can't redo things. There's no do-overs, and there's many times we wish we could have done more, should have, could have, would have. But again, at the same time, we've got to extend some grace to ourselves.
Speaker 2:Man. That is the problem with suicide is the people you leave behind, just wondering why, just wondering what could have been different, not knowing what he was going through. And please, to our listeners, if you're struggling, if you need somebody to talk to, please, please reach out to somebody. There are resources. Please find a family member, a friend, a pastor. Comment on here with your phone number on our page. We'll reach out to you. Please do not go through this alone.
Speaker 1:Yeah, do you want to sing the song again?
Speaker 3:No I don't know.
Speaker 2:Okay, I love y'all love you, man.
Speaker 1:Go ahead, tyler, you want to sing it?
Speaker 3:no, I really don't, don't hey, listeners, we just want to thank you for your continued support for the almost brothers podcast. Do us a favor and go to your favorite platform and rate us and like us and share with everyone that you know. Thank you so much, love you.
