Power of Metacognition

Power of Metacognition

What if the biggest breakthrough in your life came from simply learning to watch yourself?

In this episode of Yup! I Got You, Tombo Baldwin dives into the powerful concept of metacognition—the ability to step outside your own thoughts and behaviors and observe yourself with honesty and curiosity.

Broadcasting from San Carlos, Mexico, after a morning of tile work and ocean-side lunch on the Sea of Cortez, Tombo shares real-life examples of how this practice shows up in everyday moments—from something as simple as questioning a craving for mac and cheese to confronting deeper emotional triggers, ego defenses, and long-held patterns.

Tombo explores how many of us spend years defending our own “fortress of being right,” only to discover that true freedom begins when we start examining ourselves instead of blaming the world around us.

Through personal stories about marriage, family, healing past wounds, and letting go of control, Tombo explains how metacognition becomes a bridge—helping us move from wounded reactions toward peace, authenticity, and healthier relationships.

You’ll hear how self-examination can peel back the layers of our experiences, helping us release old patterns, develop new ones, and ultimately live what Tombo calls “your best reality now.”

This episode is an honest, sometimes humorous, and deeply personal look at the process of becoming more aware, more authentic, and more free.

Because the truth is:
 Change isn’t easy—but the freedom on the other side is worth it.

And as always…

Yup… Tombo’s got you.

Transcript

0:25

Welcome back all you Yuppers, how's it going today? You are amazing and I hope you're having that best reality now because you're making a difference, you're working on yourself, life is truly amazing and you're amazing. Hey, welcome to the Yupp podcast today. I am still here in San Carlos, Mexico living my best reality now. We had, today is Tuesday and did some tile work this morning. Boy, the microphone sounds funny. I hope it's sounding better. I still apologize for the sound quality but made some tile this morning, did some repairs, did some really hard tile cuts in this morning and that was super fun. I tell you, you're like, Tom, you're working, how can it be your best reality? It was my best reality. Now, I love what I do and I thoroughly enjoy it and I find pleasure in accessing my talents to solve problems and to create beautiful things. That is, it was amazing. It was an amazing morning and I was able to spend my body's energy which felt good. When you tap your resources for good and positive, it's truly amazing and then we went to one of my favorite restaurants here. You've heard me talk about it, La Palapa. It's a Greek restaurant. I think it's La Palapa Greece because La Palapa is just a structure and the name is Greek structure because it's a Greek restaurant and it has, well, basically the whole thing's out there, seating area, but part of it's covered with a traditional structure which is, I believe it's palm fronds that are, here, if I have the echo button on, well, if it's uber weird, we'll just have to deal with it. As far as the sound system goes, I believe it's palm fronds that are tied on with, it looks like an all-organic structure. It's super cool. Right there on the ocean, the Sea of Cortez, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. But let's get into the podcast today. I want to talk to you about some of this really critical, important, as we move into this living our best life now and other terminologies manifest. We want to manifest things. We want to see things come into our world that are good for us and benefit us and help us leverage, but we also want them to come into our lives to help others. We want to be community-focused and so we want to live this best life now of meaning and purpose and flavor and contrast and definition and vividness and we want to be alive. We want to see and feel every moment. We want to just capture, savor the very essence of what is going on around us, not want to speed by it, but just soak it in and let it permeate our being and just find the beauty and the wonder in the moment and that is my desire and I believe it's your desire. And so today I want to talk about a term that is super helpful as we're moving into this and really helps us live fully in our best reality now and it is the practice of metacognition. And you're like, meta what Tom? Or some of you are like, oh, I totally know what that is. And if you do, wow, you're probably, and if you're practicing it, you're probably already well into a lot of restoration and a lot of already living that best reality now, but the process and the practice of metacognition is that of being able to be an outside observer of yourself. Let's say, for instance, today I got home from lunch and I was very satisfied. We had, I had a gyro, which I always have when I go there. I had some Ussal on Dorokas, which they call ice here, with a little tonic water, which is really, really wonderful and quite refreshing. And I come home and I, boy, there's leftover mac and cheese. By the way, in this season, I'm really loving mac and cheese. And so I'm thinking, oh, I should heat up. And then I asked myself, I became an observer of myself. I'm like, Tom, why do you want that mac and cheese? I'm like, hmm, that's a good question. And this whole process of looking at yourself, because as we move into this living our best reality now, and we begin manifesting those things in life that are desirable for us, and quite often, actually often that we need, we have to start examining ourselves, because there are issues that come up when you are manifesting peace and someone says, Tom, I just hate it when you do this. You're like, well, I hate it that you're alive and you're a person. You're actually talking to me that way because you're just such a jerk. I can't believe you would even say that you hate something I do. What is wrong, Tom? Why are you so defensive? What is triggering this? What about this person? Okay, let's just, let's just look at this. They didn't say it the best way, right? There's a tactful way to say stuff, but I'm all about being tactful and saying things the best way possible. But sometimes, and oftentimes, and not that we want to make a legally binding statement, but oftentimes that's the way people do it. It's not in a way that can receive, well, what's the real issue here? Because I'm after peace because peace is the gateway to everything. And someone made a statement to me, I hate it when you do this. And for some reason, that triggered something in me. There's something in there that was like, and the response was, yeah, I exaggerated a bit, but sometimes this is a very real response, was very defensive. And it went from defensive into attacking and criticizing. Well, that quickly left a place of peace. So in metacognition, it is a practice just continually when you see something that doesn't line up with your outside world, it becomes suspect and you use that as a clue and you treat it, right? Because we're going to leverage gratitude. We leverage gratitude in everything. So metacognition is an amazing, amazing tool because if we can get to that place and it's, once you get there, it feels like it's easy, but I feel like it took a long time for me to actually get there, to actually look at myself. I really believe metacognition is a gem that's hidden under, buried beneath the vault. Metacognition is the treasure, the gem that's buried beneath the delusion of self, the belief of self in a way that is everything is okay. I'm fine. The world around me is wrong. And I was this way for a long time. I'm just like, what is wrong with everybody around me? What is their problem? And in that state, I was in an incredible state of self delusion because I believe that all the problems around me were wrong and that the way that I was raised, the way that I had structured my life and how I was now living it was the right way. And everything that came into contact with that was wrong. And I cannot believe how much energy in my life that I used up, raging against my own self delusion, that I was right. Everybody around me was wrong. And I even, I was even getting clues. I was even getting, I feel like lifesavers thrown to me by the kingdom of heaven. I believe Yeshua Hamashiach, the master, the, I believe, and yeah, the kingdom of heaven, but you can call it the quantum realm, I believe is the kingdom of heaven. And like I said, it doesn't matter what name you call it, but I believe I was getting thrown a lifesaver where I'd be like, why am I fighting so hard? I know that I'm wrong, but something inside of me is like, you have to win. You have to be right at all costs. Doesn't matter how many humans you crush. They shall be assimilated into Tom's way. They must be assimilated. Tom cannot be wrong. What a fortress. And for so long, so much energy went into defending that fortress. And we'll get into the next episode. I'm going to talk a lot in the next episode about ego and really helping the ego rest and helping the ego get to a healthy place. Cause we do need ego in that. It helps us identify itself that we know who we are, but it, it, it gets into this place of self deception. And we, we believe that everything that we've experienced and everything we believe is the right way. And it's impossible for us to be wrong. Even though we're wrong. It's like, I can't be wrong. Therefore, even though I am wrong, I am not wrong. And there's no chance in that place of metacognition. And I believe I'm going to take back what I said, because it's not true. There is a chance and there's always a chance because you can get to that place where you can start to look. And the way that you do it is listen to these words and, and you say, Tom, that sounds vaguely familiar. I think those are the issues I'm dealing with. And if that's you right now, Hey, let's, let's just take a moment. There is no condemnation here. Let's just take a moment and say, I'd like to look at that farther. Say that to yourself. Like you're talking to yourself because you are, can we look at that further? Do I have permission to look at that further? Can we open up that conversation? Remember words are legally binding. You are doing something powerful here with your words as you ask, because I know how your body's going to respond. It's going to say yes, because it wants healing and wholeness. It's not going to say no. Now, maybe your ego is going to do a, like a ventriloquist twit trick and say, no, but you're going to say, no, we do. We're, we're going to open this conversation. It doesn't have to be this big all happen right now. It's actually better if it happens in pieces that you're like, I want to open up this conversation. And so as things come up, you begin to enter that place of metacognition. You're just like, why was I so angry about that? Was that response normal? And you may need the input of some close people around you if you have that in, in, in your life. And they may know you, the, the previous you, the one before you've started to change and adapt this and really want to look at things. And they may be fearful to answer honestly, because in the past when they have answered such questions, honestly, because we ask questions for self-affirmation, am I doing okay? Like I'm doing okay. Right. And you're like, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Cause you don't, you don't want to rock the boat. So they may be a little leery. So they just say, Hey, honestly, I really, I really want to know, did I overreact? It's okay. I'm not going to lash out to you. Can, can you just be honest? And, you know, I I'm new at this hearing this. So can you, can you try to be extra gentle with your words? It's okay to ask that, to be extra gentle because chances are you're going to ask somebody close to you that, you know, you have an intimate or very close relationship with and you trust them. And it's okay to say, you know, this, this is new. And I, you know, this is the first time I've looked at this and, and, and this is really raw and this is really scary because this has been my world. And as I look at this, I I'm going to possibly change some things and, and, and, and change is new in this regard. And so it's good to use words and ask for help in situations like that. As, as you begin to look, you know, all of a sudden you may see a certain situation and, you know, like a dad and daughter may be hugging and all of a sudden you freak out because in your past maybe was some abuse of something from your father or vice versa, your mother, or, you know, there's a whole host of situations. We have a lifetime of built experience that we have put in to ourself and have created this operating system. And so when we see scenarios that our brain is like similar or same or close and it's default mechanism is freak out or lash out or withdraw. And those are not the responses of a whole complete person. Those are places of wounding. And as we begin this practice of metacognition, we can begin to get those places. And the really cool thing about going to that place of wound is, and looking at it from a third person, we can kind of analyze it. And if it does have to do with abuse or some kind of trauma, we can look at that and say, that was really hard. I'm really sorry. And we can say to that part of us, thank you for protecting me thus far. But I'm actually, I'm able to look at it and I realized that's not who I am today. Or maybe it is who you are today. That's not who I want to be today. I know that that was a hard experience and it was very hurtful to me and I wouldn't choose it again, but I'm choosing to leave that behind. I can't forget it. I'm not going to forget it. I'm going to learn, but I'm choosing to leave it behind and not define my future interactions. Metacognition is that bridge over the chasm of all those things that hold our experiences, our woundedness, our dysfunction, those things that we've learned and we didn't know better. We learned them and we have adopted them and they are normal to us. They are not normal and that's the place that we need to go to. They are not normal. They are, they inhibit the path of peace. And so metacognition is the bridge to that peace. As we enter the practice of metacognition and asking ourselves and questioning ourselves, even like I question myself about eating, what is in me that is unsatisfied, that must strive for more and more? And I've been dealing with this and a lot of layers, a lot of issues have layers. And in the movie Shrek, they really did show it beautifully in the reference to ogres. And I think of ogre as like dysfunction because you know, they're, they're kind of ugly. They're kind of awkward, are like onions. They have layers and our issues have layers and we'll peel one off and we'll get farther and we probably won't react as severely or the urges or the pulls won't be as severe. And it's so important when we do that and when we realize it, because I have to realize it, because some of my layers are really deep and they need more healing. And they also need something else that most of us don't acknowledge. They need new experiences. So part of healing is having new experiences. And part of the healing is just going back, looking at it, choosing to move on from it and not let it define our current behavior. As we let that wound define our current behavior, we carry it and we honor it and we exalt it in our reactions. So if you had abuse or dysfunction or, you know, your parents disciplined you too aggressively, you know, parents make mistakes. They do. And they need to be forgiven for your health, right? I need to forgive mine for my health so we can have peace. The metacognition really helps us go there and look at those things. And when we overreact, we're not carrying those wounds forward because we're stopping that overreaction. In the past, when we overreact or we freak out when maybe a kid is being disciplined, and they're being disciplined in a healthy way, but we see it through our own lens and our own filter because our brain wants to make associations. And so sometimes things seem as they actually are not. And you're like, Tom, that's really confusing. And that's why this process of metacognition is so important because we need to parse things because our experiences taint our vision, it taints our ears, it even taints our sense of smell, it taints our perception of situations because our brains so desire to make an association, even bad associations, maybe even especially bad associations, because our wounds really are those extra sensitive spots, like a wound is, a physical wound is an extra sensitive spot. And we guard them. And when they get touched, they cause a lot of pain. So when our brain makes an association with something, whether with words that are stated, a criticism, your parents didn't bolster you up. And so when a criticism comes in, you have such low self-esteem that you really are, your perception of yourself is really inflated like a balloon. And so that means it's really fragile and it can be popped like very easily. And so when you associate something said as a criticism, even though it possibly was not, your brain goes to associate that. So then you touch the wound, so you get the reaction. And like a wounded animal, even when somebody like hits us where we have a huge bruise, we jerk away. And sometimes we latch back. And as I'm talking about this, I know that you're having flashbacks to yourself, hopefully, and not just flashbacks to other people, because if you're just seeing it happen in other people, it may be time to look in the mirror because your perception is that you're always right. And that has got to be the scariest place ever. I remember when I realized that I was on the right path in my healing and my journey and being authentic and being an authentic person, living a genuine life and seeking truth. I struggle, but I remember feeling so good when I realized I make a lot of mistakes and I really, I don't know nearly as much as I think I did. And I began to take advice from people and not rationalize it away why my advice was better or their advice about my life sucked like shit. I remember being, oh, I feel so good not to have to defend myself. It feels good to realize that I'm wrong about things. It feels good to know that I don't know everything like I thought I did. When I was a teenager, I remember making such an arrogant statement to my dad. And my dad just smiled as he often did and just kind of shook his head a little bit and knew that I, in my path, I would learn. And dad was right, I did, but I said something to the effect, dad, why are people so stupid? Life is so easy. It's just, why do they make it so hard? The height of, well, I don't even think it was a height. I think I built even higher to that. My little dog here is having some dreams and she's barking in her dreams. It's really cute. Sorry, I had to take a break and wake her up a little bit. I think she was chasing dogs in her dreams or sending little warning signals. It was super, super cute. But back to this place of our brains just, yeah, wanting to make those associations. And we realize we're on the path of healing when somebody is just like, hey, have you thought about this? And my response used to be, because I did know it all. And I said that statement as a teenager. And yeah, it got even worse before. It got better. And it got better when Adrian and I were in close proximity to each other by being married and living daily life together. And when you are what I term as, and there are many terms for it, a control freak, a narcissist. I was both and all plus 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 percent. And that just doesn't go for good genuine relationships. And what I'm so grateful for and leverage gratitude here is that the commitment between Adrian and I to work things out overshadowed the dysfunction that we both brought into the marriage. And I was able to change under those conditions and begin to do that metacognition, that looking in the mirror, looking as a third person and looking at myself and saying, Tom, boy. And it was really hard for me. I have some podcasts about this and realizing I was wrong and my ways were not healthy. And the biting sarcasm that just peppered my life and the people around me and the intenseness of needing to be right and being a fairly intelligent person and witty and quick response person with a very sharp, sarcastic tongue was a really unpleasant thing to be around for the long term. If you're around me in the short term, you thought I was funny, witty. In the long term, it was painful. And coming into the grips where I was really hurting those closest to me, that first being Adrian. And then as the kids entered the scene, which was like a catalyst for me, it was like gasoline. It's like, man, I got to start to get this changed down. And when I first started it, I don't think it necessarily matters how you start. And if you have some issues with control and you do have an inflated ego because you have a pretty wounded past and you have to garner self-esteem from those around you, not genuinely, but using explosives to mine it out. Yeah, Tom, you're great. Yeah. Stop with the sharp tongue. You're amazing. Yeah. And yeah, you're so right. Yeah. Can we just stop this argument? Yeah. Really hurt a lot of people. And I'm just so grateful that, yeah, as the kids entered and just knowing that I needed to change that, that my heart's desire deep down in there was to bless those around me and lead them well, help me to make that change. So when I first started, which I think most, if you do have those control issues, like I said, you're going to start by thinking that you're so wonderful because you're dealing with these control issues. So it's feeding that narcissism, but it is a place to start. And it's a good place to start because you will get there. You will get there and you'll get to that place where like I am now and I haven't arrived. I still have my struggles. I still have my issues. I talked about it today when I was wanting to eat that mac and cheese. And that's not the only issue is today. You know, I didn't sleep last night and very well. And I, you know, told myself, even though I feel great, yeah, because I'm living the best moment now. So I'm, I'm practicing the best moment now and still shedding the skin of the worst or the less than great moment now by convincing myself, even though I felt great, that I was, I needed a nap because I didn't sleep last night, even though I felt great. And my body is like sucking in the kingdom refreshing. And I'm telling myself, well, even though you really feel that kingdom refreshing, you said, why should I need that? I just accessed this, the divine realm and got divine energy for the day. Why do I need to take a nap? Well, what did Tom do? He took a nap. He was like, oh, it's okay. Because I got up and I realized it's like, no, I feel really good. So I laid down for 40-ish minutes, something like that. It's okay. I got up. I changed my behavior. Just because we may succumb for a while, the faster you respond, the better it is. And so as I was laying in my bed, I'm like, dude, what are you doing? Looking at myself because realizing the truth of the statement is I had convinced myself that I was tired, but I wasn't tired. So I asked myself, why are you doing this? And myself said, well, we're waffling. And I was said to self, stop waffling. Get up, do something. Guess what we're doing? We're doing this podcast on metacognition. Metacognition is amazing. And if you can get in the practice, even the small things, because the small things often lead to bigger things, and all the things lead to peeling the layers off till you get to the core, which is the genuine authentic. And then you, the genuine authentic, as we remove those layers through metacognition, through call it other things, self-examination, but really looking at yourself through the lens of an observer is really powerful. We get to that place where we deal with our issues, then we peel the layers off, and life becomes more vivid. Relationships become more sweet. People will be attracted to be around you and to interact with you. You're not perfect. You're still going to make some mistakes, less and less. Tom, be careful with the words. You can even see I struggle with the subtleties of the words because I believe you will get there. And it is a process. Some of us will get there faster than others, but it's a great process. And it's an amazing process because life really does. Relationships become more vivid. The world around us becomes more vivid. Our experiences become more sensory, and savory, and sweet, and even bitter. Bitter makes sweet, sweet. I remember, and I did podcasts. If you want to go back, I don't remember the podcast I did about my dad's passing. It's a pretty intense podcast. I am crying like a baby, and it was an amazing podcast for me. I just let it hang out there, and that's part of it. I'm okay that you guys know me, and you know my foibles, and you hear me cry. I'm not trying to put on any personas. It's because of this metacognition, the self-examination, looking at myself, and realizing that my heart's desire is to be authentic. Not that I'm going to shout it from the rooftops, but you know I'm down here in Mexico, and I'm having dental work because I have bad teeth, and I'm missing teeth in my mouth right now, and I'm still hanging out with my friends, and there's a chance that they're going to pull my two front teeth, and I'll be without them for a week or two, and I'm in a community of people down here interacting with them on an hourly basis, a daily, hourly, seven day a week basis, and am I going to say that it will be the easiest thing that I will do if that comes about? No, but I'm going to do it, and I'm going to be authentic, and I'm going to experience that, and it may be bitter, and it may be awkward, but then it makes the situations that flow, and the situations that are just wonderfully smooth and beautiful more that way. We need that contrast, and so part of the metacognition is allowing those issues that cause us to keep control, to like figure out a way, and I'm sure if I paid tens of thousands of dollars, I could control this situation, and so that it all happened, and I excluded myself from social activities, and the whole thing, so nobody sees me that way or possibly gets a picture of me, and I don't deal with any embarrassment or anything like that, but I've had some healing, so I don't have to control that, and I'm okay that the people around me, and that I'm choosing to be in community with, and even out and about, it's like they may think things. I'm going to tell myself the positive story that they realize that this is a tough season for me, and they're just like they realize how brave I am, and what an awkward situation this is, and I'm going out and about in public, and that helps me see that I'm really becoming the person that I want to be. I want to be, if I ran into you, I'd want to be a person you'd want to hang out with, because if you're listening, you're searching for the genuine, and you have your issues that are weighing you down. You're feeling them, and they don't feel right when you overreact, and you have to justify it, and that doesn't feel right, and there's a desire that's like, I don't want this, and you don't have to have it. You really don't. There is another way, and I gotta say, because today, I don't know why, it's probably why I'm doing this podcast, was more of a struggle than other days. I was more unsettled in my spirit. I'm still living an amazing reality now. I had amazing lunch with amazing people, and was able to have some really good, fun laughs, and just really enjoy the conversation, but my spirit is a little unsettled, and it's getting more settled, but yeah, today was a harder day, and not every day is an easy day as you go along in this, because change is awesome. Change is awesome, but the thing about change is it's unfamiliar, and there's part of us in our brains that look for the familiar, and so we have to live in change long enough that it becomes familiar. It becomes the habit of our life, and so in this best reality now, you're probably going to need a good 30 to 60 day, pretty consistent practice, because you have, if you're like me, you have 50 plus years of experiencing much of your life something different, and so I'm just going to say, as you start this process, be easy on yourself. Don't be a critic. Be your best friend. You need to be your best friend and your biggest fan. You need to be your biggest fan. Often, when I do something that I really don't want to, I forgive myself. I was like, Tom, this was just one challenge that you didn't quite get, but you've been killing it lately. You have been doing so good, and those around you, they'll see your efforts, and it's not that you need that, but it's an extra confirmation that's really good, and take it in as you're doing the hard work, and people are noticing. It doesn't matter if they notice, but they're noticing, and so there's some good stuff there that you can receive in without becoming, bolstering a false sense of ego. It's really good stuff, so as I'm going to wrap up here a bit, the place of self-examination, metacognition, a big fancy word for a really wonderful thing that really is that bridge over the chasm of our experiences and our woundedness and our dysfunction to begin to get to that place where we can operate in peace and the best reality now. It is a great tool that has been availed to us. I want to say that ability for our brains to do that is part of, and I'm going to get into this more, the divine hardware that's within us. It is a tool that is within you. It's been within you. It is there among other tools that just haven't been accessed, so when you get it out, sometimes it needs to be oiled. It needs to be used a little bit so it can function, but it was there for you. I believe that it was given to you by your creator, and in the ancient scriptures it says being transformed from glory to glory, from one wonderful experience to another. This doesn't, I'm not going to say it's going to be easy, because it's not going to be easy, and it'll be challenging, but as you get to that place of living your best reality now, experiencing peace, let's use the word freedom, because you don't longer have to control things. It is amazing. It is, it is freedom. You are free. Free to be peaceful. Free to be content. Free to vividly, wonderfully experience the moment-by-moment world reality around you, brought to you by the kingdom of heaven. I believe there's someone that really loves you and cares about you, and yeah, historically that message of religion and stuff has been twisted by empires and cultures that fit their message, but when you really dig down and you go beyond that, there's someone that really cares for you. So I just want to end it with two things. Someone really cares about you, and you can discard that if it really is distasteful. It's, maybe it's not your time, and that's okay. And two, you got this. You can do this, and have a blast doing it. Hey, you guys are amazing. Keep up the good work, and as always, we'll end a little redneckish here. Hey, I got you. I do. I got you.