Kink, Intimacy, and Cannabis Lounge
Welcome to the Kink, Intimacy, and Cannabis Lounge where you can kick your feet up, relax, and enjoy the high. The Ganja Goddesses, otherwise known as Miss Mackenzee and Parker Leigh are not only national sex and BDSM educators but are also involved with many facets of sexuality and the adult industry. They are avid cannabis consumers who aim to dismantle the negative stereotypes associated with it. Their lives and relationship are deeply rooted in kink, so you’ll hear all about BDSM and alternative lifestyles, talks about intimacy and connection, the many benefits of Mary Jane, and more interesting topics in the Lounge. With a diverse mix of guests having thoughtful yet entertaining conversations, your hosts give you a place where you can learn while having fun. An authentic and hilarious experience you won’t want to miss! Follow on Twitter: @KiCLounge. Follow on Instagram: @KiCLoungePodcast
Kink, Intimacy, and Cannabis Lounge
Kink Education, Neurospiciness, Blood Play, and More
Trigger warnings: Trauma and self harm
What happens when past trauma transforms into empowered pleasure? In this deeply moving conversation with Talis, founder of Beyond Taboo, we explore the complex journey from self-harm to healing through consensual BDSM practices.
Talis brings a unique perspective as both a dominant who wears a collar and a clinical sexology student with a psychology background. They share their evolution in kink, from problematic beginnings at 18 to becoming an educator passionate about consent and community safety. "We put ourselves in very vulnerable positions, doing things that normal people can get into legal trouble for," Talis explains, highlighting why accountability matters so deeply in kink spaces.
The conversation takes a powerful turn when we discuss blood play as trauma recovery. Talis eloquently describes how practices once associated with self-harm can be reclaimed through consensual play: "Blood doesn't have to mean harm anymore. It can mean connection, control, devotion, beauty, and erotic power." We explore the neurochemistry behind these experiences and how they provide healing for neurodivergent individuals specifically.
For those new to kink, Talis offers practical advice about attending munches, researching consent models, and finding supportive community members. We also discuss creating more inclusive play spaces with sensory considerations and crisis support protocols, recognizing that accessibility means different things to different bodies and minds.
Talis’s bio:
They are a “neuro-spicy” disabled veteran with a B.S. in Psychology and over a decade in the kink community, with an emphasis on healing trauma through responsible practice of BDSM, Talis brings a unique perspective, commitment to continuous learning, and passion to their work. Currently offering consulting and mentorship services, Talis is a Sex Coach/Clinical Sexologist in Training under Dr. Patti Britton’s method. They are a research volunteer for TASHRA under Dr. Richard Sprott, a pioneer of the scientific world in destigmatizing kink and educating about its benefits.
Key Topics:
- How Talis identifies within the BDSM community
- Pressures of being a kink educator
- Why neurospicy folks are drawn to this lifestyle
- Play frenzy and tips for managing it
- What makes a great kinky party
- How to make dungeons more inclusive and accessible
- Funniest story from an event
- Sharing of blood play fantasies and hopes for future scenes
- Advice we wish we had when we started engaging with sharps
- Transforming trauma into positive experiences
Calls to action:
● Be sure to leave a review
● Visit our website: https://kicloungepodcast.wixsite.com/kicloungepodcast
● Free Discord community: https://discord.gg/https://discord.gg/unefDQQKyj
● Follow us on Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/kiclounge
● Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kicloungepodcast
● Miss Mackenzee Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/MissMackenzee
● Miss Mackenzee Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/missmackenzeeagain
● Parker Leigh Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/MissParkerLeigh
● Parker Leigh Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/parkerxleigh
Hi, I'm Miss McKenzie and I'm Parker Lee, and we are the Ganja Goddesses. Get ready to laugh, learn and jumpstart your libido in the Kink Intimacy and Cannabis Lounge. We are salacious, eccentric, blunt and totally unfiltered.
Speaker 2:You have been warned For more information visit our website or connect with us on social media. Our links will be in the show notes. Due to the nature of this program, it is not suitable for children under 18.
Speaker 1:Welcome, welcome back all of our lovely, lovely, lovely listeners. I know it's been a little while, but we're back with a very exciting episode. We have an amazing guest, talis. Do you want to give us a little bit about?
Speaker 3:your information and get people excited to hear from you. Yes, I'm going to say education and people are going to run screaming. So I am Virginia-based. I have been in Hampton Roads kink community since about 2019. I have been in the kink lifestyle in general for about 15 years, since I was 18. I also own a company called Beyond Taboo and in the company I am currently serving as a sex and intimacy and BDSM consultant guide mentor. Even though I kind of just like using that word, the more I use it, the less I like it, I realized that at my age and my experience level, it just it doesn't. I don't like how it sounds, it doesn't fit, that's OK.
Speaker 3:It doesn't quite fit. You know those are really big shoes to fill. But I have a bachelor's in psychology. It's a bs um. I came from actually an engineering background, a navy engineering background. Specifically, I was a nuclear reactor operator and this is a midlife drastic career shift for me into something that makes me happy and hopefully yes. So I'm working on a certification to become a clinical sexologist and a sex coach, um, and after that I'm hoping to work on my phd. So it'll be a clinical sexology phd with a focus on bdsm and potentially another subspecialty I'm considering disability, because I'm a disabled veteran, so I am non-binary they them.
Speaker 3:I'm currently listed as a kink-aware professional in a process of applying and hopefully getting approved to be a coalition partner for the NCSF. That way I can be a good resource to my community. Consent is a very hot topic in our community and consent violations, and I would like to be somebody that can kind of clarify the process and provide the right resources. Let's see what else. So I also offer what I call concierge services through Beyond Taboo. I enjoy helping people put together their dynamics. So, whether it's you know writing contracts, helping mediate, negotiate, anything from just a scene to full-on dynamic and, you know, helping people write out protocols, uh, ceremonies, anything, so anything people might need a hand with because, let's face it, that process can be overwhelming. You get on Etsy, you find bajillion printables for the same thing and, um, uh, let's see what else. So, um, I'm brand new to being a kink community educator. Um, I would say I started in about January, february, um, and welcome to the group.
Speaker 3:Thank you, yes, no, I've noticed. You know, I thought I found my tribe in kink and then I realized that I found, like my group of people, my subgroup of people in the educator community. The second, I met, devin actually. So Devin and I met in kind of a funny way and he gave me kind of the reality of what being an educator is actually like and then it clicked and I know this is something I'm supposed to do. So right now, again, I'm focused on getting my education and, uh, scaling up my business to where I can do this and I can have time to, you know, help out my community and educate and, um, yeah, I love that yeah.
Speaker 3:Long story, long that's okay, that's okay, welcome.
Speaker 1:Welcome, we're so glad to have you here. I know I have a bunch of questions for you, you do a bunch of things. I know I found you through the Dom Sub Summit and we connected through that. What is your role in the kink lifestyle? How do you?
Speaker 3:identify. Oh so okay, this is one of my favorite questions, because not a lot of people ask me, but a lot of people assume yeah, so my very first year in the kink community was spent on the submissive side. It started off with. It did not start off the way it should have. I'll put it this way I know we didn't do any content warning so I'm not going to go into details, but that's okay, this is our podcast.
Speaker 1:We like to say is very, very free and casual, and that's why a lot of times, like you know, we don't edit. We want it to just be like natural. So, whatever you feel comfortable saying, we can always have trigger warnings in the show notes. Oh, okay, perfect.
Speaker 3:That's good to know. Okay, so, yeah. So my first, very first scene as an 18-year-old baby, I started out with a bottle of wine and no negotiation and a heavy flogging and a massage and all kinds of things that I did not agree to but I felt pressured to do because the person was somebody well-known in the kink community and, you know, I wanted to learn. I was so just fascinated by this world and I have to say I learned a lot, but also learned what not to do and I had some interesting doors. Yeah, I had some interesting doors open for me, interesting opportunities, but that is where I learned the not so good side of kink, because I transitioned into doing pro work, which between 18 and 21,. You know, you don't know enough to do that kind of thing, but you know, I know I did it. Yeah, so, so you can really, you know, and and it was funny, because this is where I learned how to talk shit for humiliation and degradation scenes, because it was coming from an actual place of hurt and anger.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that makes sense, yeah, so it made it really easy. Luckily I had people come to me that really wanted that kind of stuff, so our goals kind of aligned. But I got to see that side and so after that I've always identified as dominant. I had a lot of trauma that kind of prevented me from ever wanting to switch for anyone, of prevented me from ever wanting to switch for anyone. And right now I am not a switch, but I'm still a dominant that wears a collar.
Speaker 3:I switch for one person that is my husband, and the way we usually explain it right this is where I get into the psychology is my brain. But here is, you know, so submissives get to go through the process of something like trauma play, for example, to deal with, you know, mental health concerns and stuff. Dominants a lot of the time, while they get their own satisfaction out of the process, they're still in a caretaker role. They're still in that responsible role. And I think that if you're a dominant that still has certain unhealed traumas, it is good and it could be very beneficial for you to have somebody that you feel comfortable switching for. So you also get your turn and you know, just like people in high power, stressful jobs, come to a pro dom and want you know, to be humiliated and degraded and told what to do.
Speaker 1:To balance out their life.
Speaker 3:Absolutely yeah, and I love that and it's a fun challenge. And I have this theory that I really want to explore further, because I've noticed between me and a couple of other dominants that kind of do the same thing. We all ended up in a caretaker dynamic, but we don't identify as littles, we don't do age play, but our dominants are daddy and they're very, very much daddy with a little bit of structure. But that seems to have helped me heal my inner child and you know that, combined with an actual healthy marriage and healthy relationship. So with this community here, interestingly enough, when I go out in public because my husband relaxes the protocol so much he treats me as an equal in public Most people automatically assume I'm a dominant Plus. You know I have this RBF, the RBF for layoffs will automatically assume I'm a dominant Plus. You know I have this RBF, the RBF really helps, you know. And then, yeah, sometimes you know they see the color, they see us playing, and then the questions come. So that's kind of that's kind of my explanation.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right. Well, I'm so sorry that happened to you. We both know those kind of things and what that's like, and that's also why we do what we do, because I don't ever want anyone to go through any of the things that we went through in sort of the beginning of our journeys and no negotiations and a lot of unhealthy choices and like really not even being informed about risks or literally anything.
Speaker 3:Oh no, there's no conversation about consent, which is funny because right now, the first classes that I'm teaching right now are consent, and so I've had consent like beat into me. We did a consent roundtable that I moderated last night, so consent is the hot topic and absolutely yeah, there was no discussion, and without without really calling out the person, because I'm not going to be that person but, um, I didn't realize until years later how well known they were, until I heard them on a very well-known podcast episode and I wrote them an email. I could I, just I could not keep quiet. I wrote them an email and I could. I, just I could not keep quiet. I wrote them an email and I was like, hey, I love you guys. You guys are amazing. This is, this is what this person did and this is what they do. And I never heard back.
Speaker 1:Oh no, that makes me so upset, it was very hard when people enable our um our leaders and leaders to be in that position.
Speaker 2:They abuse it and it's sad when organizations or podcasts or anybody doesn't like take what you say seriously.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a positional privilege which you know, in our community.
Speaker 3:So our arcane community here is going through a lot of growing pains and we're doing so much better than we were a few years ago.
Speaker 3:But one of the things that we've definitely had to grow through and that we're kind of recovering from now and finding different systems and strategies to kind of get past is the fact we had leaders that were not necessarily held accountable all the time, people that nobody knew they were doing things that they shouldn't be doing, and you know the model citizens. So one of the things to really think about a lot is, you know, is focusing on the community, policing themselves and holding each other accountable and just taking care of each other. And that's one of my goals too, is to make sure that you know people are safe and we don't have predators that come into this community because it's so easy to take advantage of people in vulnerable positions. Absolutely, and, you know, even though we operate on consent, you know we do everything to mitigate risk. At the same time we do put ourselves in very vulnerable positions, doing things that you know normal people can get into legal trouble for.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:It sucks because I feel like, specifically with organizations and things like that, they are so money driven that they'd rather have the money than say you can't come to an event or you know, or we're not going to have this person as an educator or something like that. I feel like when that happens, it's just it's all about money.
Speaker 1:And it sucks because we can't have, you know, police in our business and so we have to sell police, like you said, and unfortunately, some people, especially people that are, you know, organizers of events, it's like they don't care. They don't care, and it's really sad. I think we should hold educators and leaders to a whole nother like another standard than acting just like a regular kinkster, because we have, you know, there's a lot of power that we hold in telling people, you know, like we get people that are brand new, completely newbies, all this stuff that like really need to be protected, and it's sad.
Speaker 3:They're not, unfortunately, absolutely, and I actually so me being the neurodivergent nerd that I am and I develop all the new special interests. Neurodivergent nerd that I am, and I develop all the new special interests. So I actually adopted the KECC code of conduct for kink educators that I got from the creating captivating classes book that was written by Lee Harrington Midori. It was like a whole group of wonderful people that.
Speaker 3:I know you're familiar with because you presented with a bunch of them at Domstamp Living, know you're familiar with because you presented with a bunch of them at Domstamp Living and yeah, so I adopted that code. I have it posted on my website. I am, as a new educator, doing my best to get familiar with it and uphold it. I'm by no means perfect, but something you said though I thought was interesting is you did say yes, like there is a much higher standard that we have to be held to, and something that I talked about with another educator is how we are held to such a high standard and put on such a pedestal but then, when it comes down to it, we're not treated as well as. I guess that kind of position would you you think would come with. You know it's. Um, I guess one of the challenges I was told being an educator is you know people are like, yeah, you're like sleeping in a crappy hotel room you're paying for like your own, your own bus ticket to get there. You're paying, you know, for everything for the class, but it's all for a good cause. But then you go up and all these people are looking at you and they're putting you up here and I have noticed that difference because, you know, I've always been the kind of person that kind of gets along with everybody. I never really had any drama in the community and stepping into educator shoes there's definitely I don't want to say like a target on my back it sounds very dramatic but definitely some different attitudes and people that were previously very nice. I definitely got to see some different colors and not everybody understanding, you know, like, let's say, new educator, not everybody being very patient with.
Speaker 3:Hey, we might've had, you know, first time class technical difficulties. Neurodivergence took over. Oh no, oh, my first class was a disaster. It was absolutely just a show disaster. But we recovered. We recorded. I recorded the class. I made sure that a webinar version was available, took all the criticism. I had a few people that were just amazing at reaching out to me, email over, you know, phone Zoom and giving me very, very straightforward critiques, and I love that shit. You know, like I, between military experience and the way I was raised, like there's nothing you can really say to me, that's going to hurt my feelings worse than I can hurt my own feelings. You'd rather much straight given straight.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because that means, that somebody cares yeah for sure you know and but then again you know a person can't just come to you with a problem and like not give you a solution, because then they're just criticizing and bitching. But everybody has come to me with great solutions. So my second educational was much more comfortable. I'm still waiting on my critique. The person whose group I ran it for is the second woman in my life that I've ever met. That actually scares me a little bit. So I'm very, very curious to hear what she'll have to say. But I know whatever she'll have to say will be good and I'll learn from it.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:I love that no.
Speaker 1:Any questions you want to ask no, no, okay, not right now. Okay, I'm the shy one. Well, what advice would you give a neurodivergent person who's new to kink and feeling overwhelmed or unsure of where to start? Things like that, because there's such a huge overlap with neurodivergence and kink community. It's so big that I'm wondering if you have any advice yourself yourself.
Speaker 3:Well, yes, I would say and this is kind of based on my recent experience of introducing somebody neurodivergent, very, very brand new to kink into the community and having to figure out a plan for them is go to a munch. If you're lucky enough to have a big group, munch with all the community leaders and groups there, like we do now, awesome. If not, you know, try out different groups. If you have like a start now type group or a newbie support group, definitely go there. Do your research, like research is so important and there's so much information out there, but understanding the basic concepts of consent, vetting, risk profiles and a little bit of psychology, like understanding what your goals are, you know. Are you getting into this because you just think it's hot and whatever? Are you getting into this because you may be seeking a distraction from dealing with your issues and using it as therapy, which you should not? Or are you getting into it because you have certain needs and you are instinctively pulled towards this lifestyle, because this lifestyle can be therapeutic and healing for you?
Speaker 1:We always say that kink is and can be incredibly therapeutic, but don't use it as soul therapy.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, absolutely. You know it's my first question when I've had submissives is literally like are you, you know? Do you have any? Are you diagnosed with anything? Are you seeing a therapist? And if the question is, your answer is no, I'm like we're not doing anything.
Speaker 1:Then yeah, for sure. I want to give a little definition for our listeners, in case they don't know what a munch is. So you want to give it?
Speaker 1:No you go. Oh okay, so a munch is a get-together of typically kinky people, but in a very vanilla atmosphere like bars, restaurants. My first munch was at a VFW you, but sometimes they have education there, sometimes not, but it's the whole purpose to go to a space and meet other people in less pressure environments that aren't like going to a play party, where people feel a lot of pressure to play and now you're seeing naked people and people playing and possibly doing sexy things, and so we don't. It's a way for people to go, even experienced kinksters to go, and not feel the pressure to have to play or things like that. It's a way to get to know people for people and not based off their labels or what they can do for you. Kink wise Just wanted to give a little of that in case people are like what's a munch? Yeah, that's how that goes. I love that advice that you gave, though.
Speaker 3:Oh, thank you. No, just to say it's a good way to get your feet wet and also a good way to get vetted for groups.
Speaker 1:For sure. Yeah, absolutely. And get to know people like the leaders and things like that, especially people who like want to meet people. I always tell people like oh, say, you're looking for, maybe, a submissive partner or you're looking for a play partner. You can always contact the organizer and tell them who you are, you're new, maybe they can introduce you to people, sort of be like a little bit of a matchmaker. Absolutely.
Speaker 3:That's what I was going to say is. One of the next things is you know, try to get to know people and it may be hard in the beginning, you know, when people don't always show their colors and there's no drama like kink drama, but try to find a person that could mentor you or people you know. Try to find as many people as you can to learn from. Ask people questions. You know, if you go to a play party, ask people if you can watch something. You know you will be surprised by what they let you do sometimes. The person I was mentoring, one of his homework assignments was to go around an event that I was hosting and he had like a sheet of different tasks that he had to do and one of them was observe some kind of an interaction taking place. That is not straight play and one of our friends, the couple they were gracious enough to let him observe aftercare.
Speaker 3:Oh okay, I love that Right, so very intimate, very. You know private, but it's very, very important. Yeah, absolutely. But, like you said, getting into the kink community, it's a smorgasbord of things and I think that you know I'm big on books, I love books, so it's buy books. You know everybody knows like some of the classics on the kink community side and you know I have some that I would recommend to people. But just take it slow, it's not a race Frenzy is the thing, yep it sure is, but just take it slow, it's not a race.
Speaker 3:Frenzy is the thing? Yep, it sure is, regardless of your role.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, regardless of how long happen. Because when people are in a play frenzy, they make the wrong decisions because your self-preservation kind of goes out the window, because you just want to play and experience the things and elevate your brain chemicals and all of that stuff. So unfortunately, people make wrong decisions when that happens or play with the wrong people or whatever that looks like.
Speaker 3:Yes, no, absolutely. And you know, and unfortunately, I think sometimes it is unavoidable, sometimes you end up learning the hard way. But you know, every effort should be made on our parts, as you know, good stewards of our community, I think, if we see somebody that's new to you know, bring them in to make them feel comfortable, to give them some resources, and you know, not necessarily be that person that's sitting there like, oh, look at this person, they're horrible but definitely point them towards, like hey, we have this individual, they make amazing toys, they're somebody you can go to and they can teach you how to put together a basic toy bag and find quality toys for it.
Speaker 3:We have an individual like that here, tony with Little Fox Toy Box, literally just-.
Speaker 1:I love them. I love Little Fox Toy, literally just I love them. I love little fox toy box.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love them. Can we do another?
Speaker 3:podcast episode where we just do like a toy show with their stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, but there was a. Wasn't there something else you got from them?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:I thought we got like cuffs or something from them. No, that was foxy feisty.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, okay yeah.
Speaker 1:No, that was Foxy Feisty Red. Oh, okay, okay, but I do know them though.
Speaker 3:I got a stuffed animal from them. Oh, yes, oh, from the stuffing Did you get the strap on?
Speaker 1:for the stuffing. I didn't. They didn't have any more when I went to the vet that's my favorite part, but I was like obsessed. I needed this bat. I had to get this cool bat. It had rainbow wings and I needed to have it well they're.
Speaker 3:They're going to be delighted to hear this. And, uh, you know, since you know, um, previously before the podcast, you and I kind of touched on blood play, so they make my favorite blood play toys. Ah, okay, uh, they managed to have two memes on the internet about their toys. So if you've seen them, so the brick paddle, the, the bricks that you step on in the middle of the night and they hurt really bad on the carpet, I, I have to say it specific way. So those paddles, uh, they were the original inventors of those and the memes that went around, but those were great. And then, um, they came up as just a joke with a. Um, they came up as just a joke with a rubber chicken flogger.
Speaker 1:I love that and that ended up on the internet, did it make?
Speaker 3:noise. You know I didn't get a chance to see it in person. I really wanted it, though, because we have somebody in our group that is just terrified of rubber chicken, and I needed it because I'm a sadist in reasons, and you know I'm a sadist that likes to use humor.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, me too. Me too, I can't have a scene that doesn't include humor. I always ask in my negotiations, like one of my questions is like can I use humor in our time together? And like when is appropriate to use that? Like, is it only when during intense moments? Is it only when I know that you're struggling, you know stuff like that and you know I won't play with someone who can't have humor because that's just very naturally me, yep.
Speaker 3:No, absolutely same. Every time my husband and I have a scene, I mean we've done serious scenes, but we've had a few that just devolved into an absolute shit show. And you know, and you hear this like hysterical laughter, yeah, an absolute shit show. And you know, and you hear this like hysterical laughter, yeah, when people are like, oh yeah, we know, we know who's doing this.
Speaker 1:My my scenes typically have the bottom crying but laughing through the tears, like they're laughing and crying at the same time. I'm like, yes, that's, that's my goal.
Speaker 3:Great. Get them so confused they don't know what they're feeling exactly it's the best exactly, I guess, like I just before we step into a little bit a blood play.
Speaker 1:Exactly, it's the best. I love that confusion. No-transcript. That's a great question.
Speaker 3:That seems to be the question that everybody is wanting to ask right now, which I love because, you know, in the search of making everything accessible to people. So I could go through a long list that I learned from Devin Stone, because, devin, that's one of Devin's favorite topics and we've talked about it a lot recently. One of the things that I thought of that, you know, was kind of relatable to me right, was a lot of the time I see aftercare spaces also used as hey, you're having a mental health crisis and you need to get away from people's spaces.
Speaker 3:So like a quiet zone, yeah, like a quiet, safe space, which I mean it's great. But unless you are, you know, lucky enough to deal with the space, where you have just a lot of different aftercare rooms, you know, like aftercare is non-negotiable, you need to have space for that. But I think that it would be a good practice to provide people with a dedicated room that is, you know, has, let's say, like a weighted blanket or maybe even something like a vacuum bed, you know, for people that need that sensory kind of you know, huggy feel to calm down if they're in a crisis.
Speaker 3:You know, your classic like stuffies but adjustable lighting, adjustable music you know snacks, chocolate, water, and I know this is a big ask because not everybody's comfortable discussing their neurodivergence. But then again, like the things that we do, we really need to be open about something that you know might affect the way we act or react. Right, because part of consent is being informed. And so one of the things that you know I want to suggest is, you know, having almost like a little, not like a resume, but just a little cheat sheet basically stating that, hey, if I'm in a mental health crisis, this is what it looks like, if the person I'm with is nowhere to be found, this is what you need to do.
Speaker 3:I do, or have health insurance. I do not have a mental health care professional that needs to be contacted. I may have these side effects from this medication. So just kind of a rundown of everything and, you know, maybe kind of keep that, a copy of that in the room. Like, have the person keep it on them, have the DMs and the party hoes get familiar with that and just like we have, you know, medically trained personnel on scene at a party, have somebody that is a mental health professional yes, well, not necessarily even a mental health professional, but you can get certifications and basically like mental health crisis first aid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I love that. One of the things that we started doing I know Parker has is a sensory box, and so maybe having something like that in that kind of space that has like fidgets, has like soft things or texture things or you know all you know maybe like the foam earplugs that people can put in different things like that that could help with situations that may arise at events.
Speaker 3:For those reasons, You're reading my mind and I'm laughing because you can't really see. But behind me is, you know, my client couch and I have a little nightstand next to it and I have a box just full of sensory toys for my clients yeah oh, but a lot of times people don't think about that.
Speaker 1:They're like, oh well, that person should have them or bring them with them or whatever.
Speaker 3:But sometimes I love pulling them out and I love, no, and I love pulling them out and I love seeing like the look on somebody's face where I'm like here's a stack of blankets, um, this bed, you can like lay down on it. If you need to Fuzzy blanket, I have a pillow that says like scream here. I'm very non-traditional, right. You know I have like a mouse pad with. You know flaming garbage can and just you know, I embrace the chaos.
Speaker 2:Gremlin, you know part of mental health, I guess.
Speaker 3:But yeah, I love seeing that look on somebody's face where you know, yeah, you pull it out and they're like, oh my God, I really needed this, and they feel very taken care of and that just kind of automatically relaxes them and you know it's, yeah, it's helpful.
Speaker 1:So what do you think makes a great play party in your eyes?
Speaker 3:A great play party in my eyes. So, going back to my notes over here, I had great notes and you know I'm actually going to deviate from them completely because I way overthought it. I do think that there it's kind of a two part thing right. So we've got the serious aspect of it, which is the rules. You know we have to have a good, like thorough house brief. People have to respect the rules. You need to have clear expectations set of the hosts and the guests.
Speaker 3:Accessibility, like you said, is a big thing. At the same time, the fun stuff you know you want to be able to have, you know, like a variety of toys, implements, different, you know, I guess, different like rooms that people can try out. But one of the biggest things is just no drama. You know, whoever the host is has to be very good at handling drama and it can be difficult, because I think that just comes with time and respect in the community as well. But you know they have to be willing to occasionally maybe make somebody mad because you know they're not letting them propagate different behaviors. And let me see, what did I have? So, yeah, in an atmosphere like safety and consent culture, so like very clear enforced consent policies that everybody is upholding actively, having some kind of a like consent orientation. That way everybody is on the same page. Do we really have the same definition of personal responsibility?
Speaker 3:for example, do we have the same definition of? You know like I use a personal example of play partner. When my husband and I were getting to know each other, he told me about having a play partner and in my brain it was somebody that you've seen with, and I found out later there was a sexual component to it and I felt some sort of way because to me play partner was just play partner and to him play partner had a sexual component. So you make sure you speak the same language and for the house, I think that is hosting it's kind of their responsibility to say, okay, in this house, these are kind of the rules that we want everybody to follow in order to eliminate any confusion. You know we have house safe words. One thing I love seeing is, if you have any, I like to call them like free-range submissives or free-range S-types, and they are feeling shy or uncomfortable or anything if they get like house collars. So, having that consideration, you know, like I said, accessibility.
Speaker 1:I always call them like protection collars, because I've done that with a lot of people over the years. It's like I'm not interested in them in a dynamic, but I know if they wear this protection collar they're less likely to be touched or approached or any of those things. So it really is a good protection method for a lot of S-types that they feel overwhelmed or they know they're going to be kind of almost harassed, maybe at a party to play or to be interested or any of those things. That kind of automatically makes it, especially if you're like, oh, that collar is from that person, right? It's like, oh, okay, I won't, I'm not gonna approach that person for play or whatever. Yeah, absolutely. Has that been beneficial for you over the years.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think just any kind of collar is going to signify to somebody that there's like they're taken in some way, or even if, like the submissive, puts the collar on themselves, it's just a way of protecting against unwanted advances. Of course, there are going to be people that see that and don't care and will approach anyway and push boundaries, because unfortunately that's just the nature of things, I think. So I definitely think wearing collars is a cool idea to help maybe mitigate some of the risk of having unwanted come-ons.
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure, Absolutely. And I think the way I've always seen it is, you know, let's say like if you're dominant and you're hosting and you have the free range, you know, as types you're kind of responsible for them a little bit more than you're normally responsible for all the guests. I mean, of course, it's they have to consent to that as well. But, yeah, it's your role to make sure nothing happens to them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, a way of keeping everybody safe at the party, absolutely, or event whatever.
Speaker 3:Yep. So safety and consent. You know seeing a variety of people being very open to people from all age groups, all experiences, all walks of life. You know not just seeing the same like click over and over again. The same type of people. Yes, the same type of people. You know emotional support, again, having that culture where people can open up and negotiations and talk about neurodivergence. You know they can feel comfortable. They, you know, can run around naked if they want to and not feel, you know, judged or whatever. For sure, yeah, you know have the kind of people that don't seem to like outdo each other, because I know I've seen that before. So people that play intentionally, you know we all want to go to parties.
Speaker 1:It's almost like a sport when you see people play like that Right right, and that's where mistakes happen too.
Speaker 3:And you know, when you go to a party, you want to play and have fun yourself. Yes, but it's fun to be able to see a variety of play styles, and it's so nice when you get to watch a scene that just just perfectly executed, you know, like it's very intentional it's. You feel that connection. You know it's not just robotic. Okay, you're going to stand in a frame. I'm going to beat your ass with a flogger.
Speaker 1:You know I love seeing that parker and I always look and we're like, oh, their energy is so beautiful together, like I just love that. I love seeing that. But when you see someone who may be just not necessarily, we've seen this a lot at events- they're looking around everywhere else except for their bottom. It's like they're worried about who's looking at them and it's like how is that good energy and good connection and safe? How are you doing that when you're worried more about who's looking at you?
Speaker 3:Right than checking in.
Speaker 1:I've seen that too and it's like, ooh, it's very hard not to feel, not judgy, but like some type of way, when I see that.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean because I think again, it's not even judging, it comes down to safety. You know, if you're playing with somebody and you're not looking, you're not watching, you're not reading those nonverbal cues, you're not attention, then you know you probably need to reconsider how you do things, ben. What have you have your focus here? You know, and you have to respect a person that is willing to go through that amount of you know pain and suffering for you potentially, and you know you don't want to disrespect them like that either.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So what has been.
Speaker 1:I'll ask a lighter question what has been one of the funniest moments that you've seen? Go down at a play party, or playing, if you want to talk about like times you've played, whether with your husband or whatever?
Speaker 3:So this one was really hard, just because there was one that it was a scene that my husband and I did. But then recently we had a play party where we decided to chance and we did like a group bratting scene and it was just, it was absolutely, it was absolute chaos. Thankfully, everybody was more on the timid side, like we were very worried. We we made it so safe, you know, so many precautions and people were a little timid. But we started playing different games where, um, you know, I had, uh, like those little smart-ass notepads hidden in the back office where it was like, you know, passive, aggressive note, you know, and submissives could like sneak back there and fill one out and tape it on a dom's back and they had to guess whose handwriting it was and they could like get out of a punishment. We had a buzzer that would make a I'm trying to remember what it said. It was something like very disrespectful, it was like a yawn or something. It was something like very disrespectful. It was like a yawn or something. It was a very like annoyed sound. So we'd have people hit that buzzer and try to steal it. But so that was fun. But I think one of my favorite scenes was with my husband and I. It was the first time we co-topped a friend and it was kind of unexpected. Was the first time we co-topped a friend and, um, it was kind of unexpected.
Speaker 3:I wasn't really kind of feeling it that night, but the energy was just. It got there and so she was on. She was on bench and um, he was uh standing in front of her. I had her uh fill her mouth with a bunch of water and had him get like nose to nose with her and she's very ticklish, and tickle torture is one of my favorite things. It's like, yes, it's low effort and just high reward.
Speaker 3:And I had these claws on that I wore just for fun that night I wasn't even thinking about using them. So, um, it was a tickle torture scene and, um, we're just trying to get her not to spit in his face because she was a little intimidated by him and she got loose at one point. So you hear the scream throughout the house of sub on the run and I got to run and grab her and like wrestle her back in the room and people had no idea what the hell was going on, because usually that type of play like it's a pretty calm house, so it was just chaos. It's a pretty calm house, um, so it's just chaos gremlin energy everywhere it was.
Speaker 1:It was a lot of fun. That's fun.
Speaker 2:I love that I'm sitting here and I'm like, oh god, please don't do that, because I will spit the water out in 0.2 seconds I love that.
Speaker 1:I love tickle torture so much um. Who knew that it was a kink? But it is you know it's.
Speaker 3:It's a thing. I'm finding things out every day for sure.
Speaker 1:I've been in um. Next year will be 25 years and I literally find something new every time. I play like oh, is that a new kink? I think think it is. What's your newest? What has been the newest Thoughts?
Speaker 2:That's a very good question. I don't know.
Speaker 1:Huh, huh. What has been the newest? I don't know.
Speaker 2:We think you're like what have I done? Yeah, what have I?
Speaker 1:done.
Speaker 2:There's been so much um oh shit, you said something to me the other day that you were like oh, this is a thing, and now I can't remember what that thing was, damn it it was really you and and horror daddy did you're going to remember it after the podcast.
Speaker 1:I nibbled I, I bit his face. I like bit his cheek, like like not super duper hard, but I'm a hard biter anyway, and like bit his cheek and like this like facial expression that he made, I was like, oh, I'm kind of into biting the cheeks, I love it.
Speaker 3:I love it he made, I was like oh, I'm kind of into biting the cheese. I love it.
Speaker 1:I love it. I know you hate it. I know you hate it, but I have done it to you.
Speaker 2:There's to the little baby cheese, just a little baby.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's go into some blood play stuff. What drew you to blood play and how did you, I guess, learn to play with it safely?
Speaker 3:uh well, first I learned how to um play with it in a not safe way. Sometimes that happens, yeah, for sure, absolutely um. So I would say it came from um, probably a very similar place, a lot of people um. It was a combination of um self-harm and um. I also was, you know, that kid that was always obsessed with like old school vampire novels and rice you know, blood looks like interesting Right Same.
Speaker 1:That is my reason for getting into blood play.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, I have a pin that my friend got me. It says all vampires are gay, by the way, it's fantastic Also true, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yes, and it was that. It was a combination of, you know, my spiritual beliefs as far as like energy work, because, you know, to me blood is very intimate and you know it should be handled with care. But the big thing was self-harm. You know, and this is a very loaded topic and I'm very careful with how I phrase things sometimes in this and'm still practicing, but, um, best way I can explain it is um, I never self-harmed, um out of suicidal ideation or, you know, suicidal attempt. It was a way for me to get my neurodivergent brain to. Basically, it was a way for me to hack it and to make it make the chemicals that I needed when I was in an emotionally stressful, overwhelming situation. Right, so we're talking about, you know, endorphins coming out first. Right, so you get like the opiates and and there's opening of the skin.
Speaker 1:It's even more brain chemicals than a typical. Exactly, exactly.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you get the visual. So it's, you know it's, it's a survival mechanism that you get, you know. So it's, you know it's, it's a survival mechanism that you get, you know, because your body gets distracted by the pain and it's like, okay, you need to stay alive. You don't cry, you just, you know, kind of sit down, you get that momentary high and then you get dopamine right. So your reward and like relief chemical, which, for an ADHD brain, we love our dopamine. We're dopamine fiends.
Speaker 3:I am definitely dopamine deficient, so yes, and the way I like to phrase it, it's like dopamine is almost like a kind of twisted good job sticker. So when your body notices like oh, pain relieves emotional suffering and something kind of clicks right, and then you get like adrenaline, cortisol coming out, serotonin, and you start to feel calm and grounded because your body's so focused on physical survival, rather than whatever you're feeling emotionally the other things don't become as important exactly it's that um.
Speaker 3:At the same time it's also a way to say you're somebody that dissociates which know with my trauma, I also tend to dissociate. That can make you feel more grounded. It can be a way of taking a like corporeal emotion you know that you can't really touch, feel it just exists there and making it into something physical and then, through the process of cleaning it up self, you know, care, watching it heal. It's almost like watching that emotional pain heal and taking care of that emotional wound through taking care of a physical wound on your body.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I love the way you worded that. I love the way you worded that.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:I think that there is some stigma surrounding everybody who's into kink is like hurting mentally and destroyed mentally and over have. You know see PTSD and they're self-harming and all these things. But I think it's just there are all different types of people that have gone through all different types of experiences, different types of people that have gone through all different types of experiences, and there's things that kink brings out in such a healthy way to explore healing in a different way that other kinds of things just don't even touch anywhere close to. So I think it's really beautiful that you found kink in the way that you did and that other people who have self-harmed find it and hopefully they're doing it in healthy ways, not just to seek self-harm behavior. You know seeking yeah, it's like self-harm by proxy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's self-harm by proxy, basically, yeah, for sure definitely um sorry, were you gonna say no, you're good, I was gonna say I'm actually.
Speaker 3:It's so funny because, you know, I told you I sat down and like I wrote a couple of like I guess guides, just because I wanted to get my words out on paper and kind of see how I understand this concept. So I'm sitting here for sure I'm paying attention to you guys, but I'm sitting here and I'm like looking through one where, um I wrote from a self-injury to blood play um a healing, empowered evolution and talking about shift into consensual blood play and embracing it in the healing context like key things that support a healthy evolution, for example.
Speaker 3:Um, and then there was another piece that I wrote that's called reclaiming blood. It's a trauma-informed guide to consensual blood play for former self-injurers and it's like five pages. There's nothing crazy. I love that.
Speaker 1:I think it's incredibly important yeah for sure.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and the way I ended it I know I had a friend read it and one of the best things ever. She was like bitch, you made me cry. I was like you know what, I'm glad and you know the closing words and I said you're not broken for wanting blood, you're not weak for having a history. You're powerful for choosing to reclaim it safely, consensually and with love. Blood doesn't have to mean harm anymore. It can mean connection, control, devotion, beauty and erotic power, and you deserve to experience it in ways that serve your healing.
Speaker 1:I love that. I would love links to those if you're comfortable with me sharing in the show notes so people can see that and everything, because I love that. I think that that's so important and not something that's talked about very regularly and should be talked about in great detail, and that it's. You know, I think kink in general brings out a lot of emotions from people that they're not expecting.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And so I think that that may really help some people.
Speaker 3:It pushes people out of their comfort zone and, you know, makes like. To me. It's like if you can't talk about it, you shouldn't be doing it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and we do a lot of things. Yes, you know trigger warnings are there for a reason and everything. But I'm a huge fan of what I call like uncomfortable talks and you need to have those. And, like you said, it's funny that there's still stigma, even within the kink community, with, you know, blood players, for example. Part of it is because you know, of course you're talking about like safety, you know bloodworm pathogens, things like that.
Speaker 3:But on a mental health level, you know, I mean I've my husband and I've scared a dungeon monitor before because we were doing a blood play scene and you know he leaned over and like rubbed his face in my blood and he looks up and he has blood in his beard and like a blood clot, you know, and he looks crazy. And then the DM was not expecting that, you know. But that's just how we play and it's, you know, it's fun for us, it's an energy exchange, you know it's loving, it's healthy, but yeah, but you do end up in a lot of situations where you have to explain yourself to people, like you said earlier. You know the way. You know the vanilla world looks at us and, looking at research, right, there's so much research that shows that people in the kink communities are actually healthier and more well-adjusted.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I say that all the time in my classes. People have this idea that we are, I don't know like you know, like, as the DSM has, like you know, used to have us, as, like you know, and all these things, oh, go know us and really it's just another way to love our partners, to connect, to have intimacy in alternative forms.
Speaker 3:Yes, and it's intentional.
Speaker 1:You know how many people do you know that sit down and talk about their boundaries.
Speaker 3:That sit down and you know say okay, even their sex, like I think about people, vanilla they don't talk about their sex. No, and that's something I'm learning in sex coaching too, is people have a hard time talking about sex and you know I've been privileged enough to so I volunteer with Tajra and under Dr Richard Sprott and he's like tip of the spear, tip of the spear, leading researcher that basically is responsible for kink getting destigmatized, kink getting taken out of the DSM, along with many others. I don't want you know, other people deserve credit for that too but he published his clinical guidelines for working with kinky patients and you know his research has had such a huge part in showing just how beneficial kink can be when it's done consensually. When it is, you know, like, done intentionally, we can put ourselves in situations that would normally re-traumatize us. But in a context of this container of consent and boundaries and reframing those experiences to where we have power over them, yeah, that is so powerful.
Speaker 3:It really is. Yeah, I mean the guidance of a therapist. I have to say that again. But you know it's yeah, I think it's huge and I'm really hoping, like I'm I'm a big, big advocate for kink being destigmatized. You know, I scream it from the rooftops. I don't care, I don't care about like being outed, whatever. You know I don't go by scene name, I just I love talking to anybody that will listen about it. Know I don't go by scene name.
Speaker 1:I just, I love talking to anybody that will listen about it. Yeah, absolutely, when we, when we talk about because we always say like um, because we always talk about kap, like professionals, um, the, the directory, and we always say like you know, still vet people, because just because they're on there doesn't mean I'm on the directory actually, right, I just got my name on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but also like it's so important to see someone who is kink knowledgeable, kink aware, kink, you know, all of those things. I think it's so important for kinksters to see a mental health provider specifically so that they're not pathologized for just being kinky, so that they're not pathologized for just being kinky, like, oh, you're having these problems because you're doing these activities, or even like you're having these problems because you have multiple partners, as you know, someone who might be ethically non-monogamous, like those kind of things. There's a lot of judgment that I've seen in mental health providers over the years and I've just found myself and how important it is to have a mental health provider that is kink knowledgeable and doesn't, you know, pathologize or try and change your opinion of why you're into a thing or something Absolutely.
Speaker 3:Well, you know, and that was actually one of my driving forces for kind of doing what I started doing was not just my own experience with finding providers that were, you know, kink friendly, kink knowledgeable, but hearing so many of my friends and people in my community ask about resources and saying like I really need to get help. But I need to talk about kink because it's a big part of my life and I don't know who to go to. You know, and I wanted to A become that kind of resource for somebody. B have access to other resources because, you know, I'm not a therapist but I have a network of people you know, and I've been fortunate enough to where, you know, my psychiatrist and my therapist are both very kink aware, very kink friendly, and was not on purpose.
Speaker 3:I didn't find them because of that, it just as we got more comfortable with each other, I found that out. Yeah, it just happened, and it's been so great, you know, and I want other people to know what that's like because you know, like you said, it's, it's no longer the DSM, you know it's and, like, stephanie Gorlick has actually written a couple of really good books about, um, therapeutic kink and BDSM. So if you left to read. Stephanie Gorlick has a good perspective on being a mental health care provider and you know, working with uh, somebody that's into kink.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, I love that, let me see. So is there? Let's talk a little bit. Going back to a little bit more blood play stuff, is there?
Speaker 3:anything that you're itching to do when it comes to blood play that you haven't done yet. So I had to think about this question long and hard and I had to ask a couple of people. I had to do sanity checks, right, but for the purpose of just saying fuck it all, since that's the spirit here, right, I would love to do an Elizabeth Bathory scene Wait, say that again Like a Bathory scene.
Speaker 3:So have a number of consensual donors that would donate like a pint of blood, just like you would go to Red Cross right and just fill up a bathtub and get my rubber duckies Maybe not the rubber duckies, but yeah.
Speaker 1:And just do like a bathtub, you know, and like just splash around and bathing in the blood of your friends oh yeah, so hot, so hot.
Speaker 3:I'll volunteer a pint I mean I will take it, thank you, but yeah, no, I did. I thought about that one and I was like fuck. I was like you know, whatever, like somebody, somebody's gonna judge, no matter what. So I can tell you mine's similar to that.
Speaker 1:Yes, oh yeah, so I won't make you feel so out there. Yes, mine's very similar to that, actually I. Just the difference is I want to. I want to have wild, crazy, like blood sex in a coffin. Yeah, yeah, like bad. You have no idea. My other partner is a carpenter and I've been trying to get him to make me a life-size coffin, but it has to be bigger because I have to be able to fit two people in it. Right, you know I?
Speaker 3:love that idea. I'm just thinking of that scene and I interview the vampire about it's your coffee, dear. You know he flips the lid.
Speaker 1:I want it so bad, but I want like a whole bunch of blood in there and I just want to be like just rolling around in it or like some primal play with that.
Speaker 3:Oh yes, yes, we did a blood play scene and it was a friend's house in the middle of the woods, like dark at night and I get very I'm trying to think excited. My energy kind of jumps up after a blood play scene usually and I just tackled him when we started wrestling in the grass with me like naked and bloody and it was the coolest thing ever. It was so much fun.
Speaker 1:I love that. Yeah, it definitely brings out primal feels, for sure. Yeah, it's just blood in general for me anyway.
Speaker 3:Yeah, or like Blade style. You know the scene in the club with like the blood shower, yeah, yes, yes, I love that.
Speaker 1:What's one piece of advice you wish you had early in your blood?
Speaker 3:play journey you know, one of the questions that comes up sometimes is you know how, how would you approach negotiation differently, right, With somebody that you've known for a while, or with somebody new? Pick up play, you know, scene partner, I would never do pick up play with somebody with blood play at this point, Maybe maybe needles, maybe staples, but nothing more than that. Just because, again, I think, to me it's the spiritual aspect. It's very intimate. I don't mind somebody else's blood at all, I'm not squeamish or anything, but it's that connection and to me it is something that is not to be, I guess, treated casually and it's very sacred. And not to mention, I just I wouldn't feel comfortable with somebody that was pickup play. You know it's.
Speaker 1:I agree with that. Yeah, they're just there's. There's this bond that happens when you do blood play with someone. There's this like different level of bonding that happens.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:And if you don't have that connection with that person you don't want to. I should say you don't want to have that connection with someone and you do this especially as a blood top. I know like the clinginess and the neediness from the bottom afterwards because of that incredible bond that you build during blood play can sometimes be overwhelming if you're not wanting it, and so I've learned to really be super choosy of who I do that with. I'm also really big with energy play and stuff like that. So if I'm doing any energy play and or blood, I'm very choosy about who I do that with.
Speaker 3:No, absolutely. You know we're talking about again I'm kind of looking at you know some notes here that I wrote up beforehand. You know we're talking about the key considerations and dynamics and I wrote something about emotional layering. You know blood play, tying into like love, devotion, control, power exchange. That intensifies the meaning and the potential for emotional vulnerability and, like you said, the ongoing care and healing is. You know you're responsible for wound care and it just again, it ties you to a person Long term. Very personal ways yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure I agree with that. Yeah, I think on that same line, because when we see blood right, there's this like, even if we're so into it, there's this like almost fear that happens. That is like life or death fear Right. And so it kind of happens, the same as when you do breath play with somebody.
Speaker 3:That's why I don't do my favorite things, me too.
Speaker 1:Me too, but that's why I don't do breath play with a pickup person or someone I'm not close with, but it's the same thing. It builds those same fear feelings of this. This person literally has their life in your hands, right Literally, and I think it's the same with blood, and so it brings this like higher levels of surrender that are just like so nuanced that, if you're playing with people that you don't know, connect you to this person for life.
Speaker 3:I feel like, anyway, sometimes and you don't know what you're connecting to either, because you know people can present themselves so many different ways.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:You know, like on that surface level, through negotiation and everything you don't know what kind of things that might open up in a person, how they might react.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, or how that may affect them long-term mentally, like their mental health right that now, as a top, you're responsible for.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I was going to say it's funny you mentioned breath play, you know. Going like way back to one of the questions about teaching newbies For fuck's sake, teach them how to choke properly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I finally decided you, you know, I've heard it so many times, people have asked me so many times to do like asphyxiation classes, and I was like I cannot teach that virtually. I cannot do that virtually like like safety, wise, feeling like safe. But we put together you know a class and go into great depth. I show a lot of demos, I show close-ups, I show different things, because the problem is, what I've realized is that if we're not talking about it, it doesn't matter. People are still going to do it. People are doing it, oh no, absolutely Absolutely, and so I need to have conversations about it. It has to be a direct thing.
Speaker 1:That's why, you know, we do classes on cannabis and kink. It's because my thought is, people are going to be doing it regardless of if we teach it or not. It's just they need these are people who really need this information, this consent information, this safety information. You know how to do things as safe as possible, because, as kinksters, we like to do things that aren't inherently sane and aren't inherently safe Absolutely, and so we have to be able to have conversations about it. So we decided, you know, okay, we're going to start teaching them, even though a lot of times, I don't feel like people know the information before doing these things.
Speaker 3:You're absolutely right. You know and it's like the classes that I'm teaching consent right now. One of the things we kind of dive into is not just consent models but exists on a spectrum. But we never start out with 100% capacity because so many internal and external factors can affect our capacity to consent from something like you know, I'm hungry. I'm hangry.
Speaker 1:Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm sitting here thinking about food. You know I might be kind of distracted to you know, to being you know, yeah, like you, you know you talked up a little bit. You're feeling kind of good.
Speaker 1:Yep, I don't know menstrual cycle where you are in your menstrual cycle. Oh, that's pain tolerance.
Speaker 3:I've become such a bitch For most people, yeah, yeah, but yes, no, absolutely. And you know, the biggest thing is everything we're going to do is going to carry some amount of risk and danger, so we can never eliminate it. Our goal should not be to eliminate it. It's not reasonable, it's not possible, it's too. I'm going to use a term a lot of military people hate and I love it, but it's ORM, it's operational risk management. Yeah, you recognize the risks.
Speaker 1:You try and find ways to mitigate them.
Speaker 3:You try to mitigate them. Yeah, it's like for me, you know, it's like if I could take like rack and prick and like smash them together and then you know, and then throw in like a little bit of dash, of like crash, that would be, you know. It's like personal risk awareness, you know. Mitigating risk, personal responsibility, shit happens. Yeah, yeah for sure.
Speaker 1:I had so many more questions but we've had this like wonderful talk and I know we're at time. I want to ask you what we always ask our guests. We always have this one question that we ask our guests what is your favorite way of connecting with a partner?
Speaker 3:My favorite, okay, so we talked about blood play already, but my favorite okay, so we talked about blood play already, but, um, my favorite way, uh, with connecting with a partner.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's a really tough one, um it doesn't have to be sexually or right um, it would either be talking about music or books together, because that can tell me a lot about a person. Oh, I love that. Or just I don't necessarily say bratting, but like that mental back and forth kind of sparring Banter. Yeah, just a little bit of banter, you know, and like letting each other's like bratty sides come out, and yeah, I think. So those three things I love that, those are good ones, right For sure.
Speaker 1:Well, thank you so much for your time and thank you for all of your wonderful insights and everything. I'm so glad that we finally made this happen.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, I was so excited Again, I don't know for whatever reason you noticed my post on the website and I fangirled.
Speaker 1:I did I felt connected to you.
Speaker 3:I hope that's okay, that is again. I fangirled hard. I've been lucky since I started this journey. It's like all of you guys have been coming into my life somehow, every educator, every person that I'm like, wow, I'd love to talk to them. And all of a sudden, oh, Connected Manifesting.
Speaker 1:Manifesting, it really is.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, no, absolutely Like. Please feel free to reach out anytime. I will send some stuff your way, yeah, please. So get it organized and yeah.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much. Thank you, thank you. Bye everyone. Thanks for joining us. Tune in next time for more Adventures in the Lounge and remember always keep an open mind. You never know what's around the corner.