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0:08  
Hello, and welcome to the autism in real life podcast. In each episode, you'll get practical strategies by taking a journey into the joys and challenges of life with autism. I'm your host, Ilia Walsh, and I'm an educator and a parent of two young adults, one of which is diagnosed on the autism spectrum. Join me as I share my experience and the experiences of others. So that we may see the unique gifts and talents of individuals on the autism spectrum, fully recognized.

0:44  
This week, I'm thinking a lot about creating your own path. And I think I get a lot of questions over my lifetime, about, you know, so what is it exactly that you do?

1:01  
And, or, you know, what are you doing now? And I've met for a really long time, and honestly, I would get a little bit annoyed at the question. Because the truth is, I think what most people are asking when they asked that question is, what are you doing for a career? What are you doing for work? And my life, for most of it has really just intertwined all different things that I do. So it's been some career stuff, it's been some family stuff, it's been, you know, a whole bunch of different things. And it's pretty much always been this eclectic mix. And, um, there are times that when people ask that question, right, you, you're pleasant, it's obviously a common conversation starter when you're at family functions or event. And I would really not know what to say sometimes, because what I'm really thinking in my head is sometimes that

2:04  
Yeah, and it's really struggle right now. Because I am, you know, I'm a mom, I'm trying to get the best resources for my kid, I'm working with teachers and with therapists and with,

2:20  
you know, getting ready for IEP meetings and trying to get the best resources for my kid, I also have a daughter, too, who, um, you know, I'm trying to make sure she gets what she needs. And oh, yeah, I'm a wife and a daughter, and I have friends, and trying to live my life and run a household. And oh, yeah, I do some work on the side, too. So, you know, I think one of the things I had heard someone say is, we should never be defined by what our title is, right, by like what our work is. And I think that's double edged. I think it's important, I think many people are figuring that out right now that work is a super important part of who they are. And I think that's particularly true for people who are doing work that they're very passionate about. They've created their own ideal scenario of work. Now, gimped, don't get me wrong, no matter what you do, no matter how much you love it, there will always be parts of it that you don't like, right are challenging. But I think if you're someone who really loves what they do, and are really passionate about it,

3:26  
it is defining who you are, what I do, does define partly who I am, but it's only a piece of that. And I think, you know,

3:35  
I really think that we have to think differently about what our career path is, I think, even you know, our young people are entering into or in high school kind of entering into post High School, whether that's a work in a situation, or whether that's a college situation, that transition can be super challenging, because I think sometimes

4:02  
there's this sense of, I need to figure out what I'm going to be and what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. And the truth is, is huge. That's probably just going to be what you are for a specific period of time. And that's only going to be what you do for a very specific period of time. I often joke that I don't know that many people that are doing what they actually went to school for. There's there's a small segment of people that I know that are doing, what their degree is in or what they've been trained in when they first got out of high school. So it's it's to me it's a super interesting thing because what I've done is because of family needs and because of my own personal needs, I've sort of created and I've always been creating, what my work scenario is like and always really interested in the work life balance.

5:00  
It's been called, and trying to make sure that what I'm doing fits into my needs. And in some ways, Yes, I know.

5:11  
It's been a struggle to do that. And it's been a lot of work and planning to do that.

5:18  
But, you know, I also have supportive family, and supportive friends. And so that has been something that has helped keep me moving forward and creating my path. But I also think that has we're looking at, you know, whether you're someone who's, you know, finishing up high school and thinking about what am I going to do going forward, or a parent or an educator working with someone in that place? We need to really think about defining what does my future look like? Like, what do I want my life to look like? And it is,

5:53  
I know, when we're doing transition planning for my son, and for a couple of my other students, there, there are questionnaires that ask these, like, pretty simple questions. Well, they're not simple in answer, but they're simple, you would think in question, and really just thinking about, what do I want my life to look like in the future? Right? Like, how do I want to live? To I want to live in an urban setting? Do I want to live in a rural setting? Or somewhere in between? What do I want my living, you know, space to look like? Do I want a house? Do we want to live in apartment and I want to share with other people? And then what does my work environment look like? Right? Like my someone that I'm really good at getting up early and doing work that's early? Or do I need to do something that's sort of later in the day, because mornings are tough for me, or I like to save that time for what I like to do. And, you know, maybe I have a routine. So really investigating that stuff, I think we can really get

6:56  
you know, bogged down with finding what that title is right? Like I want to be I'm gonna use these but it's, I want to be a teacher, I want to be a doctor, I want to be a lawyer, I want to be an engineer on it, because they become very are a nurse, right? So those are, those are very specific career.

7:16  
Very specific careers, and they have a very specific track to get through. And if that's something that is, is what you want to do, then great, but they're very defined. But that's only a small

7:27  
segment of the population that wants to do those types of jobs. Everything else is sort of ambiguous, right? So I really would encourage people to think about, what is it that you want your life to look like and of course, this will change, right? As you get older, as life circumstances change, as World circumstances change, as we've seen, things will present themselves, or you will have a way of thinking about something that maybe changes what you want to do. And so we always have to kind of be thinking about that, right? And there will always be course corrections. And there will always be adjustments that we have to make along the way so that we can accommodate whatever our new situation is, or what we see down the road might be a new situation. And you know, I think about your people in general, I think we have, you know, we have this young as we leave high school and go into post High School, you know, we think about I need to get a job and I need to make money and I need to find a place to live and right this becomes this.

8:35  
This very frenetic, sometimes kind of energy around, what am I going to be? And what am I going to do, and I get it, I totally get it. But we also have to remember that that phase, right will come again, at some other point in time, you know, either a job will change or, you know, your company will close or the job doesn't suit you. So you need to find something else or something you thought you were going to really enjoy is not something that you really enjoy. World circumstances may change, and maybe, you know, your job doesn't exist anymore, right? So these things happen. And so we always kind of need to be thinking about what could be a potential new place to go. And that's why interests are super important. And hobbies are super important. And then really thinking about what other people do that you find interesting. I know for me, as I was becoming a teacher, I was going into my

9:37  
my student teaching situation. And when I arrived, my, my, I guess, field teacher and my, you know, was was really great because she invited me to attend a training for teachers around literacy. So is literacy Collaborative for those of you who know that and so I went to that training

10:00  
There was someone teaching that. And I was looking at what he was doing. And I was like, that's what I want to do. I want to teach teachers. And mind you, I hadn't even been in the classroom other than a student teacher and then working in my young autism program hadn't been in a classroom before. But I had this strong desire, listening to him work with other teachers and saying, you know, what, I can make a bigger impact, if I work with multiple teachers, and then they go back to their classrooms, right. And so that was

10:36  
15 years ago. And so with 15 years ago, with that thinking, here I am now I've been doing that for six, seven years working with educators. And I absolutely love it, that's what you know, it does feel like the right fit for me. And then from there working with students, you know, and I have been in the classroom, I've been a paraprofessional, I've been a classroom teacher, I've been the special ed teacher, I've been a substitute teacher. And so you know, in all of those phases, having worked with multiple ages, and in multiple roles, I have a perspective from all of those different places. And so I feel it sort of suits what I do now. So that I can pull all that information and all that knowledge, and share that. And then also, as a parent, I'm able to share that. So this eclectic ness, I'm not sure if that's a word. But the eclectic quality to the kind of work that I do and how my day to day life lit is, I think, is a reflection of all of that. And I think it's okay to create a path that works for you. And it's not easy, right? Because there's this sort of pushing against the grain of what people's expectations are, and what you know, society wants from us. So we need to think about that there will be that challenge, and that it's okay to make our own path. And, you know, I think most people who know me and my family, you know, that we are not, we are not very routine oriented people. And we are very eclectic, and we do try to do a lot of things and learn a lot and are constantly growing and developing and applying or, you know, eliminating, so, I think that's sort of like the way we operate. And so we're very detail oriented, we like to learn a lot about different things. And we're also open to trying different things and seeing how they were. So I think, you know, taking in sort of this inquisitive approach to what do I want to do? And how do I want to live my life, again, is like, an ongoing process, but also really important about to sort of live your best life, whatever that is for you. And, you know, I think it's okay to, if, if it's a simple I mean, I know, there's a book called essentialism, right. So it's, it's really thinking about what the basics are, or the most important things that you need, and kind of just working with that. And other people really want to have, you know, a lot of diversity in their life as far as what you know, where they live, and the the, the toys that they have, and the tools that they use. So I think it's, it's all okay, if, if it's coming from a place of where you really want to be. And also, I think the other piece to this is also being grateful for everything that you do have your support structure, your family, your home, food on the table, right? So we need to really look at all the things that we do already have, and be grateful for those things and hold on to them. And, you know, from that place, you can then say, you know what, look, I'm, I'm really good. Actually, I have these things in place. I'm really grateful for what I do have, and then I can, you know, to I add to I subtract to remove, and and I think it's okay to be a little bit of everything. So yeah, I'm a consultant, I'm a yoga teacher.

14:25  
I'm an artist, I'm a mother, I'm a wife, I'm a daughter, I'm all of those things. And then some right, there'll be more that comes into that, as I get older, and as I learn new things, and as I am exposed to new situations. So I really just wanted to offer you all this concept of thinking about what is it that I really want and what is it that I want my life to look like and even if they're small, incremental changes, that can be really, really important. So you know, again, think about those questions that I mentioned.

15:00  
Do you know? How do I want my life to look like? What do I want my living space to look like? What do I want my future state to look like? So that way, we know if there are things we need to make adjustments for now so that we can be in that place in the future? What hobbies do you have? Or do you want to learn and nurture? So that way, maybe that can become a new source of you know, like a side hustle kind of thing? Or is it something that can bring you joy and fulfillment and round out your experience? You're on this planet? And so what are you passionate about? Do you want to volunteer somewhere so that you can share your gifts with others, those are all different pieces that can come into play. And of course, the other piece is connecting with family and friends, and colleagues and other members of your tribe, so to speak. And being able to make space for that as well. So that way, you can have that community structure where we are. Humans are community oriented and social creatures, we need to be able to be with other people, and particularly people who we feel are similar, you know, to us or have similar interests. And so that way, we can sort of nurture those types of things. So for example, I'm a yoga teacher, but I find super fulfillment when I'm with my yoga people, for lack of a better way of saying that. And just it shifts the mindset, right, we're in this different space, we create a different space when we're practicing together, or we're meditating together, or we're just talking about books or other classes we've experienced as a collective.

16:45  
And that might not be the same experience, if I was working with, let's say, my teacher colleagues, and I start sharing that information, some may resonate, some may not so. So you're going to have like these different pockets of people

17:00  
that will help to kind of nurture that social piece and that feeling of connectedness and also find a lot of that stuff online as well. So think about that. And hopefully, you can, you know, start saying, hey, am I am I looking? Am I living my life the way I would really like to be? And is there something I can do to make an adjustment and as we're encouraging young people, as they're moving into, you know, post high school and beyond always using like those questions to say, hey, well, what kind of living situation would you like? And what kind of life do you see yourself? Having? What do you want your day to day to look like? And I think those are super important questions. And you may not get there right out of the gate. And you know, we know this, right? Like, we know that things change. And sometimes you have to do what you got to do. But if you have that eye on the goal, that maybe you can kind of say, Hey, I can work towards this. If I make this adjustment I can get here if I talk to this person, maybe I can get here.

18:05  
So again, that's really what I was thinking about this week, and that it's okay to create your own path and make sure that you're living life the way that you would like right so what works for me right now in my life.

18:24  
Thanks for listening to autism in real life. This is Ilia Walsh. And if you like the show, please hit subscribe so you can get notified each time a new episode is released. Also, if you join our email list at the spectrum strategy comm you can get a code to attend one of my online courses for free. See you next time.

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