The Bridge Between Panic and Peace

The Air That I Breathe Podcast
https://www.jodihowe.com

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Transcript

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It's doable, isn't it? It's doable, and it's not always easy. And they think it is part of life. And all I kept thinking about were the fruits of the Spirit. And then it was just time to do it. Just do it. Get it done. We all are going to die. I understand it's 100 percent of us. Bust the myths. Oh my goodness, yes. Can we talk a little more about that? Hello, friends, welcome back to heartbeat of a woman. This is a multi generational conversation between a mentor and a mentee. I'm Jody Howe and this is my friend Patti Davis. We are co hosts and it's just great to be back. This is episode three. Three! It's just three little things. Three little things. Time is flying. Time is flying. What, what a blessing it's been. One day we'll do episode three hundred and thirty three. Ooh! Oh, market! Okay, market, market. So I'm just, I'm grateful to be here. We are getting fall vibes because our producer Addison put up some little fall decor for us. I love fall. He knows my, my heart is, we want to talk about heartbeat of a woman, my heartbeat is autumn, my heartbeat is Christmas, my heartbeat is the seasons. I just wish it got a little colder here in North Carolina. I'm wearing this, this jean jacket, but Addison put the temperature down to 62. So we're going to be okay. No more sweating. I'm telling you. I was just like, Oh Lord, it is still warm outside. But you know, my little mentee is going through that interesting season of love work. We really wish we could be shifting. See, this is what happens when you say you have to be raw on a podcast. Yes, but it is true. It is a reality, and hey, it is what it is. I enjure you. But God is good through it, and yeah, here's the good news. It does not give me anxiety, so that's a good thing. I'm not suffering through anxiety. But we'll do a whole episode on that talk. So what do you want to talk about today, sweetie? Well, you know what? We were going to really kind of grasp, you know, what is the, there's my sweet little book over there. Isn't it beautiful? I'd like everybody to know who's looking at my book that I designed the cover myself. You know, I'm not an artist. I'm not a graphic designer. Please don't DM me and say, would you please do my book? No, I will not. It was so stressful. But when I was putting the book together, one of the biggest concerns I had was the front design because it's the first impression. Oh, yeah, it is the first impression. It's the second. And I had no money to be able to print, you know, create a book and call like a graphic designer and be like, Here, here's a thousand dollars. What can you do? So I did it myself on Canva. I don't know if I should say that. Oh, it's too late. But it's beautiful. It is so beautiful, but I wanted it to be just relaxing and and just sort of not not like across genders. And so I had guys that I love. What I'm seeing right now on your cover is usually when we think of anxiety, we think of shackled. Yeah. Paralyzed. Yeah. Toxic. Right. But I love that she has kind of birds floating away. Doves. So we're, yeah. We're being furred. Yeah. You're being released. You're being released. And I also said, so I also brought out air that I breathe because it was, yes, I got the name of it from Michael W. Smith who has the song, This is the Air That I Breathe. Okay. It is beautiful. But it really became the new air that I breathe of Jesus. Okay. And when I started to get that into my brain that I needed to start breathing an air of Biblical promise. So you started to inhale that. I inhaled that and exhaled his promises. I exhaled his teeth like that. I like that. And that is where, I mean, my testimony in the book, I mean, I don't need to go through the whole, oh no nitty gritty of that. Get the book and read it, because I truly believe it is what I needed when I was going through the first few months of trying to get through the perfect anxiety perfect. That had came on at a time in my life where there was no real reason. Because anxiety stinks. It's always an ambush. I hear that word. It's an ambush. We're ambushed. We're ambushed. And it's real and it hurts and it's debilitating. And I wanted everyone to know that as I was going through this process, as you said in a prior episode about how the Lord said during your cancer, you were having your pity party. He said, this is your testimony. This became my testimony. I found Jesus. Jesus was there. He was knocking on my door, but I decided to open the door. And embrace who he was through this struggle, because peace is not the absence of problems, it's the presence of God. And that became. And I love your tenacious spirit. She just opened the door and said, like, God, are you here? Yeah. I'm in this room of anxiety. Are you here? And that's not being disrespectful. She didn't throw her fist up in his face. She just said, I'm here. Are you real? And are you here? And do you see this? And oh my goodness, it was beautiful. Yes. And it has been, and it was, it's taken me years, took me six years to write this book. I really want to encourage the women out there that it takes time. Time is of the essence, but it's God's timing, not my timing. And it's been a growth. And it's, there was a maturity in that timing. Oh, sweet. Yes. Yes. There's one thing to bolt out information about anxiety while you're raw, and you're weak, and you're wounded, and you're joyless. Yeah. But that's not what we're hearing. In fact, this is not so much a book as it is a testimony. It is a testimony. You know, it's like everything she feels, you, I've not felt this, but those of you, she's got your vocabulary. And then she's just gonna say, come walk this way. You know, if you're tired of sitting in it and want to move forward, this is awesome. And I like to, this isn't clinical, this is real. Thank you. There's flesh and bones on this. Yeah. And so she makes it very doable. We want you to get help if it gets heavy, heavy. But we want you to have hope before you really get into the landslide. Is that okay? It's beautiful to say that because I, I say that in the beginning of the book. I'm not a doctor and I don't claim to be one in a book or on a podcast because I do have a podcast that I released a few years ago that is pretty much relevant to the content of this book. Good. But it really and truly, I wanted you to hear the raw authenticity of what I was experiencing and what I had to learn. Tried and true tips. I was doing a lot of things wrong. That came down to food, Lack of exercise. Not understanding the power. Power. Oh, I talk about sleep three or four times in this book. Good. Can you tell what is important to me in my life? Sleep is very important to me. It's my finger. Past time, sleep. I do love my sleep and I talk about how to bed. I, well, I talk about how to get your, all your room already. Aromatherapy. Here you go. Keep pajamas, keep the, you know, temperature down. I, I mean, these things are just little bitty things can make a huge difference. Absolutely. You know, and for a woman of faith, it can be so crippling because we've been indoctrinated incorrectly about anxiety. You have been beat up. You're going to love her, but we've been beat up with do not be anxious, but it's an emotion God gave us. So we just have to learn how to navigate it. Okay. Yeah. Well, the beginning part of this story was that I thought if I ever embrace that I have anxiety, that's going to show that I'm lacking in faith and that I'm, there's something seriously wrong with me. Like, I've got a mental illness, oh my gosh, how am I going to ever experience life now? And I'll tell you, this is why testimonies and conversations are so critical in this world. Because sitting with a bunch of women at a time where I was embracing that I have anxiety, but I wasn't really exposing it, they were talking about their own mental struggles. One was on this medicine, one was dealing with this, one was seeing this therapist. That reality really validated my situation. It made me feel like, oh, you're telling me I'm not alone in this? I'm real. I'm human. I'm a mom. I have young children. How am I going to, how am I going to have a mental illness and be a mom of young children? There you go. They're going to have to, you know, put me into a, an insane asylum or something. Right? I mean, those are the thoughts of the enemy that were going through my brain and that were not real. They were not real. They weren't of God, but you know, it just really, I, this book that I wrote and I put out there was for people in a way that I didn't, I couldn't find this book. I was looking for my book. Oh, okay. The Lord said, write it. Put it down. Write it down. And here's the coolest part about it, because you know I love music and I'm a worship leader. Yeah. Oh, I put worship songs in there. So when you're going through the book and you're just like, okay, I, I'm still feeling a little anxious. You said this to me a few, few days ago when we were recording our first episode when I was having a meltdown. Yes. I'm, I'm owning it friends. I have meltdowns. I'm a, I'm a human. And you said, put on some praise music, because I have to drive about 45 minutes to our production studio. Put on some praise. You can't worship the enemy. You can't worship anger. You can't worship fear. You can't when you're listening to praise music. They do not coincide. So all of a sudden I was in this praise and just worship of like, Lord, you brought me to a place of peace. I'm going to be able to. Do what I can to share this message of hope in a hopeless world. And it's just really good because the peace that surpasses understanding is real. It is cool. And it is so powerful. And I want everybody to know that it exists. There you go. It exists when you're going through divorce. It exists when you're going through cancer. It exists when you're going through. Uh, tumultuous financial issues. It exists when you're not wondering, you're wondering what your purpose is in life. The peace that surpasses understanding exists. It is in God's word. It is a promise that is real. There you go. And it's so cool. And we're just going to make it doable. That's all we want to do. We just want to make it doable. How do you do it? How do you do it? Well, I said this to you. You said, well, what are some things that I can share with the audience about how you're dealing with anxiety and what you could be potentially doing to make it worse? Well, if you're drinking five energy drinks. And you're wondering why you're having a panic attack. I talk about the, the actual intentionality of what you're putting in your body. Don't drink that. You know, maybe you can't drink coffee for a little bit. I had to give up coffee all, and that is not, I love my coffee. I don't have to drink it all day. I drink it in the morning, but it is a fuel that gets me going. I need a little bit of coffee and a whole lot of Jesus. But here's the thing. For a few months while I was realizing that anxiety was, It's a struggle and I was working through it. God was helping me through that. I had to stop drinking coffee and anything caffeinated. You know, I couldn't go to bed eating heavy drinks or drinking heavy drinks or alcohol. I had to give up alcohol for a short period of time. I love my wine once in a while, but for a while I had to give it up because it makes you feel really good and it helps. But then the crash is terrible. Okay, being the all you kind of clash between the physical and the mental it became just as Everything and I had to sort of own it and deal with it and learn and grow from it And that's what I put in the book. Okay, and I love the way you wrote the book It's 22 day and night and night because night is its own animal. It is its own animal So there's one thing waking up every day and being like, all right Well, I have to deal with this Being a mom, a stay at home mom, or I have a career that I'm dealing with, or I've got so many things that I'm, that are, that is, you know, impacting my day, and I'm anxious. How am I going to do this? Well, I'm trying to help you through tried and true tips and how to handle that. But then you have to go to bed at night. The sun goes down. The sun goes down, and the fear creeps in, and it is way worse. And so, during this beginning part of my journey of healing through anxiety, I would have panic attacks at night and they were scary, and if you've never had one, I am so sorry. I feel your pain. I have had them. I know what they feel like. If you haven't had them, you don't know what they feel like. So Patty, you know, you and I have talked about some of the things that we want to help the listeners understand. I'm not going to talk about certain things that I haven't experienced because I don't know them. That's what's the beauty of us is that we have so many testimonies between us that we'll be able to talk for years. But you, I've never walked through cancer. You have. So you can speak into that. And you've done that for me, for my mom, and, and for so many people. You have discipled so many people through that. Well, I know what it feels like to have a panic attack. It's an awful, awful feeling. It feels like it's paralyzing, it's debilitating. And if you're a Christian woman, a woman who has faith and churches don't allow that, that's like, oh, you lack faith. So now they really, uh, yeah, it's a double whammy and it's so wrong. You, I mean, I can't begin to tell you when I walked through this time where I was very, very sick. I couldn't eat, sleep. I couldn't function, couldn't eat. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't function. And, um, I got through this through the grace of God and through my intentionality of learning who he was and doing the things that I needed to do to make some really good, significant and healthy changes. Months later, as I was kind of on the outside of this, sort of, you know, empowered now. So many people came into my life that had just began the journey that I just walked through, not just women, men too. And I was blown away because here's the thing, you can go through episodes of anxiety where you just become debilitate, debilitated for no reason. And it may not be a milestone issue, it may not be a death, it may not be a divorce, it may not be anything. All of a sudden your body just breaks down. And I'll never forget talking to a psychiatrist. Really lovely psychiatrist. Psychiatrists don't do talk therapy really anymore. They're really just some of the, like, here's the drugs you need to be on. But I had one that would give me an extra 10 to 15 minutes. And he said this to me, because there's really no rhyme or reason as to why this is happening. He goes, it's chemical, it's societal, and it's happening. And he actually sat down and he talked about the drugs and the medications with me, but he was real with me. He said, don't be hard on yourself. There's no real reason why this is happening, except your body and your chemistry and just things are happening. So let's deal with it. And it was just empowering because I used to think there was something really wrong with me. And then if you're a woman of faith, which means, you know, you love the Lord and, and you enjoy the scripture, we get beat up, beat up by ignorant Christians. There, this, this was about 15 years ago, and I am grateful that the stigma is lower. Well, the stigma is lower, but it was, it was pretty high there, and I remember going into some churches. We're kind of taught there must be some hidden sin. Yeah. It was like, thank you. That kind of information, really. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God doesn't expect us just to pray things away. Why would he? How many scriptures in the Bible? We're just talking about this in the green room. We're talking about this. You said there are 31, 000 scriptures in the Bible. Yeah. So if we're just assumed we can just pray something away without recognizing there is a love story in a book, there is something that is very critical that we need to understand and study, but we also need to walk with Jesus. Oh my goodness. At the feet of the cross with him to say, God, I don't know how I'm going to deal with this, but you're going to show me. There you go. You're going to show me. And he did. He showed me. And now I, I do. Life isn't perfect. No, of course it's not. It's doable. It's doable. That's what I want you to know. I know how to deal with anxiety now. There you go. And I'd like to really bring up a little point about my fear of flying. Okay, yeah. Because this is a bit, right? You know, this was a few years ago and I was doing some. I was tracing you through that. Well, remember that one time I called you and I said, I have to get up in that plane, and, and I was scared to death, Patty. I mean, it's a True and utter fear. And I'll never forget. I went on to the, to this Facebook site. It's a fear of flying Facebook site. Oh my gosh. Worst site to ever go on. I joined it. 5, 000 people. They're like, please check my, my, uh, flight and tell me when I'm going to land. I'm like, what are we doing here? People? And it's run by a pilot. Shame on you pilots because you're not helping people. No, no, no. It wasn't helping. It was scaring the Crap out of me. Okay, but I remember calling you and I'm like, can you pray for me? And you really really helped me through it was a process of me traveling for ministry and and learning that it's not The flying that was really scaring me. It was the perspective of dying that was really scaring me. It was the whole process. It was from making the flight to going to the terminal to walking through the terminal. I mean, everything under the sun, buckling yourself, buckling myself in that seat. It became this just whole thing of mind over matter. But I have to share this incredible story because it was so incredibly powerful. This was a course of four years of me learning to know that I am not to fear this form of travel. I'm just not to, it's not of God. Okay. Cause he's not the God of fear. He's not the God of chaos. He's the Prince of Peace. So it basically, it went down to a couple of years ago, I was flying and I went to a woman's retreat and I was fine. I got there, we had our time together. And then as the time came to that, I knew I had to fly again. I just went into that place of panic and I was like, how am I going to do this? And these are the crazy things that would go through my mind. I want y'all to know the crazy, because I know you've all endured this as well. Maybe I could just drive home. I was in Florida. So it was like 10 hours. I can just drive, right? Why do I fly home? I'm in North Carolina. It's like, it'll be easy. Or maybe I'll just stay a couple of days and it'll pass. I mean, all these crazy thoughts go into your other, paralyzing thoughts. Well, I, you know, I was going to the airport with a few of these women and we just, you know, did our things and said our goodbyes and I got on the plane and I was scared and I did what I needed, needed to do to medicate, but it still wasn't helpful. And as I was landing in Raleigh, North Carolina, the Lord said to me, you need to interview a pilot. And I thought, what, what do you mean? He's like, no, you need to interview. Okay. So I did. I put a calling out on Facebook. I need a pilot. It doesn't have to be a faith based pilot. I don't care if it's male or female. I prefer to be a commercial pilot because I don't necessarily want someone who's like, you know, yeah, exactly. I need, you know, someone who deals with it. So someone said my, my, my, Cousin's a pilot and I had a great conversation with a pilot and it was really great because I needed to get down to the nitty gritty of flying. What, all right, tell me about this. What is turbulence? What is these noises that I'm hearing? All of these things. And we had such a great conversation, but the truth of the matter is it helped, but it wasn't the, the actual lightbulb moment. It really wasn't. Okay. So, a couple flights later, it wasn't until May of last year, that was 2023, as I was walking through the shadow of death, the shadow of death with my divorce. I was flying from my ministry because I was a part of a couple other ministry projects and all that. So, I was flying to Florida again. And I was, this time I said to myself, okay, I am so much closer to the Lord. I think I can do this without medicating. And I did. And it was all good. You ate cold turkey. I went cold turkey. I was close. I was close. I was close. So I flew to Orlando, uh, Florida. And honestly, five days of this conference, it was great and I wasn't feeling anxious and so the day came where I had to fly home and just so you know, on the, on the plane rides, I would have these moments where I would be like, okay, Lord, here's the turbulence. Can you stop the turbulence? Can you stop it? Angels, please surround this, this plane and please stop this white knuckle flying, white knuckle flying, still, still, As of last year, so I was, you know, growing with the Lord and growing in this grief and just I, I'm on the plane and there's the turbulence again and I'm like, All right, Lord, can you stop this turbulence? You know what the Lord said to me? I love when we hear from the Lord. Ladies, we do hear from the Lord. You just got to have your ears open. He said, I'm not going to stop turbulence because this is how planes fly because you interviewed a pilot a couple of years ago. He told you everything about it. Planes are the safest form of travel because if you think about all of the ways people are dying in this very moment, on this earth, at this time, we're recording this, planes are the least things. I mean, if you look at car accidents, trains, uh, bicycle rides, just, just walking and breathing, he says, I'm not going to stop the turbulence, but what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you a piece and I'm going to give you the ability to endure it. He goes, and, and it was just, so he stopped the turbulence, he stopped the turbulence inside of me. He goes, I'm going to help you endure it. And it was so powerful. And I've flown since then, I'll be flying this week. And I tell you it, I'm good. It's good. I'm good. I'm good. He goes, I'm going to help you endure it. He goes, I'm going to give you what you need through it. Because turbulence is a part of flying. I knew that the pilot, the truthful, and that had to really boost your level of trust. It was really just my perspective was like, I'm not looking at you, Lord, I'm looking at the circumstances. And I needed to look to him and because, you know, listen, I mean, I've been on planes where the turbulence is, is almost to the point of being unbearable, unbearable, but it is a reality. I, I know that I need to get up there to go visit people, to celebrate, to do ministry, and it's all good. And so what did I do? I went out and bought new luggage. I mean, it's so cute, my cute little luggage, and I'm ready to go anywhere. So, you know, you know, bring it on. And so it's all good. But it was, that's a great example. It just, I want you to know that it can happen, but it was just, it's not overnight. No, it's not overnight, and this took me a while. That was a neat instant, though. You needed that right there. That, because it was a, it was a, just a debilitating and paralyzing fear. Well, I, I enjoy in your book because you say that prayer is the bridge between panic and peace. And that was it. And praying to God. And then what I really like is that you, you're going to help us in this book. This is awesome. It says, anxiety has skyrocketed over the last decade, although the, the, the stigma has lowered. It has. The struggle is still real. And Jodi, I love you're going to share that peace is not the absence of problem. It's the presence of God. So, when you started flying with him, you made a different flight. That was it. You were flying without him. And using my wise mind. I was utilizing the wise mind that God gives. The logic kicked in. The logic kicked in. This is how planes fly. You talk to a pilot, Jodi. I gave you a professional. He told you everything you need to know. Do planes crash? Yes, they do. Unfortunately, they do. But so many other bad things happen on Earth. And we talked about that in a couple episodes ago. It is a reality. Death is a reality of life. But I am not living if I don't live in prayer and in communion with God. And when that fear creeps in, and it will, And I know it's going to probably creep in on my flight this week. I know who I turn to. I'm going to turn to the Lord. And He's going to give me a perfect example of just pushing back and getting, letting God have the last word. You were letting you have the last word. You were letting your emotions scream at you. Yeah. But you found another truth that you could seatbelt yourself in with. And it got easier didn't it? It did. I love your book. It's a devotional book everybody and she's going to teach you how to apply tried and true tips toward healing from anxiety. So this is a little tool kit. It's not super clinical which is what I like. I know. It's very life applicable over a cup of coffee in the morning. And then you help us build a deeper relationship with God. But I really like that this is going to cultivate a life of endurance. We have to. We think it's easy peasy, but that's a lie. That's not even biblical. No, it's not. I try to endure. It's called heaven, and we're not there yet. I want everyone to endure the strengthening of their mind. It's in scripture. It talks about that. Do not conform to the ways of the world. But, um, By transforming your mind into price like thinking, but it's also like, I guess the way I could explain it best is going to the gym or let's say you're going to run a marathon. You want to run a 5k in two months. Well, guess what? You're not going to, if you haven't been exercising or building up that endurance, you're not going to walk out of the house tomorrow and be able to, to walk or run a marathon. You're going to have to build it up by starting slow and growing and building up your physical endurance. The same goes with your mind. And this became a physical. and mental endurance to know that it's not what happens to me. It's how God is handling it. And he is saying, I'm going to, I'm going to temper the turbulence in your mind. And I'm going to give you the endurance to get up on those airplanes, those big, scary airplanes and enjoy the ride. And so now I, I, I pack with my book and I'm like, if there's someone who's. In that place of fear that I've used to be, and I want to hand in my book and be like, here you go, you're going to be okay. It sounds good. The realism of it, the realism, because you know, we have been crippled. I have definitely been crippled by this, this word of faith where you snap it and anyone that wants to push a word of faith, speak against it. To me, you're a chicken. You're not wanting to go through all the emotions that it takes. Yeah. To really build faith. Yeah. Faith isn't a tablet. Faith is just exercising. You know. You have to put in the work. It's okay. You have to put in the work. But God gets the last answer and I love that you say that because that's my favorite phrase and I'm going to say this right now. This is the last answer that we're going to give our friends because I think we lost some light. That's okay. We're being raw and organic. Oh, we're being good. We're having so much fun and I can't wait for our next episode. Absolutely. And we're just going to keep bringing on the generational wisdom. Absolutely, and we're going to make it doable, I promise you. We're going to make it doable. Yeah. Um, I just celebrated, what birthday did I just celebrate? 68? Okay, we're talking about age. I can't believe it, 68? Yeah, yeah. So I just want to give you shortcuts, honey. Okay. Yeah. I was under bondage just false teaching and, and false doctrine. And I just want to give you shortcuts. So I'm going to share my notes with you. Okay. And then Jodi's going to make it very applicable. How does that sound? It sounds wonderful. Please keep walking with us. Heartbeat of a woman. We're going to look at motherhood, being a wife, being a divorcee, being a cancer patient. Okay. I was homeless at one time. I mean, we're going to talk about it all. Empty nesting and yeah, I can't wait. Brain injury that I live with. So if you have any questions that you would like for us to, uh, answer, please put them in the comments below. We're going to be on all social media platforms. So let us know if you have any questions and we will do our best to answer them. Thank you. So we'll catch you next time, friends.