It’s the first week of January and April and Tracie are thinking about resolutions. We delve into willpower, habits, and mindset, and discuss the role of American individualism in the culture of New Year’s Resolutions. Ultimately, we look for a better way to change our habits–and stop beating ourselves up with flawed systems.
Check out our discussion/reflection questions for this episode: https://joyousjustice.com/blog/jews-talk-racial-justice-ep-70
Find April and Tracie's full bios and submit topic suggestions for the show at www.JewsTalkRacialJustice.com
Learn more about Joyous Justice where April is the founding and fabulous (!) director, and Tracie is a senior partner.: https://joyousjustice.com/
Support the work our Jewish Black & Native woman-led vision for collective liberation here: https://joyousjustice.com/support-our-work
Read more of Tracie’s thoughts at her blog: https://www.bmoreincremental.com/
Learn more about Racial Justice Launch Pad and join the waitlist: https://joyousjustice.com/racial-justice-launch-pad
Read more about James Clear and his book Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits
Learn more about Cheshbon Hanefesh (Soul Accounting) here: https://www.judaismyourway.org/2021/08/20/soul-accounting/
Read more about the Heath Brothers and their book Switch: How to Change Things when Change is Hard: https://heathbrothers.com/books/switch/
Learn more about a growth mindset vs. fixed mindset here: https://positivepsychology.com/growth-mindset-vs-fixed-mindset/
Read more about Thich Nat Hanh: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Nh%E1%BA%A5t_H%E1%BA%A1nh
Find out more about Mussar: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Musar_movement#:~:text=The%20Musar%20movement%20
Learn more about Sonia Choquette here: https://soniachoquette.net/
Read more about the book Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, & Endorphin Levels by Loretta Graziano Breuning: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781440590504
It’s the first week of January and April and Tracie are thinking about resolutions. We delve into willpower, habits, and mindset, and discuss the role of American individualism in the culture of New Year’s Resolutions. Ultimately, we look for a better way to change our habits–and stop beating ourselves up with flawed systems.
Check out our discussion/reflection questions for this episode: https://joyousjustice.com/blog/jews-talk-racial-justice-ep-70
Find April and Tracie's full bios and submit topic suggestions for the show at www.JewsTalkRacialJustice.com
Learn more about Joyous Justice where April is the founding and fabulous (!) director, and Tracie is a senior partner.: https://joyousjustice.com/
Support the work our Jewish Black & Native woman-led vision for collective liberation here: https://joyousjustice.com/support-our-work
Read more of Tracie’s thoughts at her blog: https://www.bmoreincremental.com/
Learn more about Racial Justice Launch Pad and join the waitlist: https://joyousjustice.com/racial-justice-launch-pad
Read more about James Clear and his book Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits
Learn more about Cheshbon Hanefesh (Soul Accounting) here: https://www.judaismyourway.org/2021/08/20/soul-accounting/
Read more about the Heath Brothers and their book Switch: How to Change Things when Change is Hard: https://heathbrothers.com/books/switch/
Learn more about a growth mindset vs. fixed mindset here: https://positivepsychology.com/growth-mindset-vs-fixed-mindset/
Read more about Thich Nat Hanh: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%ADch_Nh%E1%BA%A5t_H%E1%BA%A1nh
Find out more about Mussar: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Musar_movement#:~:text=The%20Musar%20movement%20
Learn more about Sonia Choquette here: https://soniachoquette.net/
Read more about the book Habits of a Happy Brain: Retrain Your Brain to Boost Your Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, & Endorphin Levels by Loretta Graziano Breuning: https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781440590504
- [Tracie] It's the first week of 2022, and we're thinking about resolutions.- [April] This is Jews Talk Racial Justice with April and Tracie.- [Tracie] A weekly show hosted by April Baskin, and Tracie Guy-Decker.- [April] In a complex world, change takes courage.- [Tracie] Wholehearted relationships can keep us accountable.- Hi Tracie.- Hey April.- Happy 2022.- Yeah. Woo hoo!- Woo hoo. You had a great idea of something that we could talk about, that I think this time around, it's great for you to introduce because I just think you have some juicy thoughts around it. And we've been having some interesting conversations that led to us sending out an email around this theme. But I think there's also more that we could unpack here and share our different perspectives, and I think learn in a quintessentially Joyous Justice space with this. So, we just experienced the new year, and it is in traditional American culture, resolutions time.- Yeah.- And I'm curious, Tracie, about your thoughts about that.(April laughs)- Yeah, yeah, resolutions. I guess what I've been thinking about, and this is a journey for me, we've talked on the podcast before about different habit setting, and different thinkers. I'm thinking about James Clear in particular, who wrote "Atomic Habits" who I've been following for a long time from before he was a book author, when he was just sending out this newsletter every week. And...(April laughs) But I'm just thinking about like-- So cool, I love that.- Yeah, he's really smart. Anyway, I'm thinking about the way that we Americans think about changing ourselves, and the way that we have, I think it's part of the kind of rugged individualism that is so highly prized in American culture. There's this idea that you can just will yourself different, the whole like pull yourself up by your bootstraps kind of thing, like fully within yourself. And so there's this, I experienced, less so now, but certainly earlier in my life, and even still today a little bit, at any moment where we're expected to kind of think about the year, and do what in Jewish tradition we would call Cheshbon HaNefesh, an accounting of the soul. So, like at my birthday, at the secular new year, at Rosh HaShanah, like anytime when we're sort of thinking about who we are and who we wanna be as a group, I have this feeling like, Oh, I need to exercise more, and I should be meditating every day. And like last year, like, I'm gonna do face yoga.(Tracie laughs) Which is like exercises of your facial expressions to make you look younger without cosmetic surgery. And then there's this idea that there's this expectation that has been put on us, that we sort of say, like, I'm gonna do this thing, and then lo and behold you do that thing. So, for me, there's often like, I'm just realizing this now as I'm telling you, April, like, I have this sense if I buy the right thing, that I'll be able to fulfill the goal, right?- Ooh, so good.- Like if I buy the right running shoe-- You've been conditioned for that, right, uh huh?- If I, like, for the face yoga, I downloaded the app, and I did precisely-- The app. Not a app, the app.- The face yoga app.- Whatever the app would be right. (laughs)- Yeah. And I did precisely three face yoga workouts in January, precisely three. Because I didn't do the things that James Clear teaches. I didn't do the things, April, that you and I talk about all the time, that our productivity coach who we've talked about taught us. Like, I just bought that, literally and figuratively, bought that idea that if I had the right tool in my, you know, access to the right tool, therefore I would use it.- Which goes along with most often the marketing that goes with these different things. That's partially, what they often are selling.- It's how they sell gym, I mean, like that's how a lot of us buy gym memberships- Right.- Or exercise equipment or-- Equipment for home, or yeah.- Or those supplements that are supposed to make you thinner or whatever it is, right? And I think that the fundamental mistake is that the idea that like willpower alone, plus the tool, or the app, or the whatever, but that there's some, that the willpower alone is enough to adopt a new habit. And I think a lot of thinkers have taught us that that's just not true. That willpower is a part of it, but it's not the only thing, and that we are... It's not a sign of weakness to like do things to help our willpower, right? I'm thinking about the Heath Brothers, Chip and Dan Heath, who've written a number of books that I have really loved. But in particular, I'm pretty sure it was in "Switch," their book called "Switch," where they talk about taking on new habits. And they talk about willpower as the rider of an elephant, and the elephant is like desires and defaults. And so for a little while, like the rider can in fact guide the elephant, and tell the elephant what it wants it to do, but at a certain point, if the elephant doesn't wanna do what the rider wants to do, like, there's not a whole lot that the rider can do. Chip and Dan Heath used that metaphor in their book, Switch. And I, that's really important for me to remember. There are things we can do to encourage the elephant, or make it easier for it to make the choices that we want it to make, and like raw force of will alone only takes us so far.- I have lots of thoughts about this.- I was sure that you would.- What's interesting about this Yeah you know, so something we were talking about before we started recording, and that I've been reflecting on, is that I've never resonated so much, I've never really understood people's strong critique of new year's resolutions. I didn't get it. And I, you know, I realized because I have a very different orientation than a number of people to them. And so one, I think it's just worth saying that I love, and this was confusing for an ex-partner of mine a few years ago, when I was disappointed when he didn't do anything for Valentine's Day. And he was like, I thought you said it wasn't very important. And I was like, it's not, but it's an opportunity (laughs) to be intentional.- For the record, Valentine's Day is my birthday, so I will not be disappointed if you do something for my birthday.(April laughs) Sorry. Little parenthetical.- Very important. This is the most important, well, no, let's make it bold heading. I like that. This is, your joy is a high priority.- But your ex-partner didn't do anything. So, he didn't do anything for my birthday either.- One year, yeah, so he was confused. He was like, I thought you said it didn't matter. And I was like, Well, it is a commercial holiday, but I also like any opportunity to express love and intention. So, it doesn't have to be that you buy anything, but if you just wrote a note to me or sent me a text with a picture, like something, like, I just, I appreciate different, and not all of them, probably, like, but just from my vantage point, you know? So like, if somebody, like if my mom who can be really precise about it like "What about all like...?" Well, not all those times. She's like, Well, "Diwali is coming up." And I was like, "Well, that's not really my..." Like, not every opportunity that I possibly can. Anyway, but like within reason, you know? So, some of the traditional touchpoints, if it feels resonant in some way and like the overall idea of acknowledging people you love in your life, whether they're friends or a loved one, like, that seems cool. I can do with, you know, without all the capitalism, but I still like, why not? Like, why would, I don't know, you know? So, and for me, for me, like, I have no issue if someone is like,"That holiday really doesn't resonate with me, and I think it's BS, and it was just created." Like, I'm not unnerved by that at all. Like, I'm like,"That's also a personal inner perspective." (laughs) I just, I think for me in part, I don't opt to give it that much power. And I'm like, Ah, it's there, And, Oh yeah, it's nice to tell people I love them, cool. But here's the thing that I think is perhaps the crux of some of it, or part of it, there's a lots of different things to unpack here, but I think what makes, what's different about me, that's not necessarily different about other folks, and I think part of it is also the way that I orient myself to it, and the thoughts underneath it, which is that I, not always around my efficacy, but in terms of my worthiness, my dad instilled within me a profound sense of unconditional worthiness. So, that's never on the table with these different things. It's just like, Ooh, what's a way? So, it's never about, and I think, like, as you were saying, everything you shared, Tracie, like, a thought I had is I think for lots of folks, what gets hard, and also why it's disappointing when it doesn't happen, is because people make it mean something that I don't, it's already been fed for me in other ways. So, it's not about that.- I think that's it.- So even if I don't continue, I don't even think it's that big of a deal. It's like-- That's exactly what it is.- Okay, I'll just try again in a few months.- That's exactly it. I think that we've been taught that what I was describing, not only have we been taught that as the rider of that elephant, we ought to be able to make it go where we wanna go, when we inevitably fail, because it's an elephant, and we're just a little human being on top of it,- It's what's at stake.- We feel as though we failed. We feel that we have failed, and we feel that we are a failure, and that we are somehow unworthy of whatever, love, success, happiness, whatever. And so rather than being like--- Right I don't feel that.- No or because I think fundamentally you're like, oh, okay, that didn't work. What if I find other elephants that are going the direction I want my elephant to go and I'll go that way.- Or what if I like--- Yeah, yeah.- Like it didn't work in something that really matters.- What if I reward my elephant with.- Disappointed But I'm not like, oh, I am that this now reflects upon an existing fear or belief I have that I'm not good at, like, I know that's the case. I just have some things they need to change.- Yeah.- Like, does it feel like it affects trying to, you know what I mean? I'm trying to find a different way of saying it. Like it, like, there's a solid foundation. Like the foundation is set and I might wanna change the house, but if I stopped changing the house, they're still like still on solid ground. Like, it doesn't look as nice as it could, but like, it's so solid. It's okay. I like living here. I like living here.- It, to me it just feels like the difference between like a growth mindset and--- I wrote that down.- I think that.- It's so cool everything- We're on the same page.- Somewhere on the same road versus fixed mindset.- That's exactly what it says to me--- Bhang right from my notes.- Because to me, like the difference is that--- Yes, totally.- when I'm in that fixed mindset, I'm like, oh, I didn't do the face yoga even though I had the tool, like I'm broken and you're like, oh, I didn't do the face. Well, you didn't do face yoga but if I had a growth mindset, if I were more like--- I've done things like that, I would be like, oh, I didn't do the face yoga with just the tool. What do I need to change in order to make that happen? Instead of being like, I'm fundamentally broken, it's something working so I have to like adjust.- How do I really, what also, like, do I really want this? Right and for me, some things like, like, I really I've, I think I've spoken with you, but Tracie and I've considered, but then I also thought well, I'm not gonna be wearing a winter coat. Like I have, like if we take it to something else like I have a lingering desire that I have yet to achieve of looking fly when I'm doing air travel. Oh, that's funny pun, unintentional pun. Like, I like those women who like, look comfortable, not the ones who don't, but who look comfortable and their hair is just like tossed a certain way and they're wearing some like oversized sweater with leggings that, you know like boots they can tell are comf.... And so they think it looks so, but they some of their clothes don't look comfortable so maybe that's also part of it and that's just not a line I'm willing to cross is being uncomfortable while I travel. But they look, which is also part of conditioning and sexism, but like, they look like they're comfortable and just have their little bag. And I'm like, I have all this crap that I feel like I need to bring like an extra change of clothes in case I have a seizure and pee my pants, (laughs) like these different things, like I've had two seizures on an airplane. Like I ended up backups for that. And then I what if I wanna do a card reading? And so I have like my coping card and then, you know and like, they just have like a little leather bag over their shoulder. And I'm like that would be really cool to do. Like, I would love to look because in my mind, I like my mind to be that clean and polished, you know, and my plans and my strategies. And so it would be cool if that could be reflected on the outside and also I think in part, because my mom and my mom's family, there are a number of people who are, have been in deeply engaged in fashion and high fashion. And I as a kid like wanted to dress like a scrub at times. So there was literally a period in fifth grade where I just wanted to wear garbage clothes that didn't match. And I think it was some kind of critique of society or different standards. It wasn't based on a lot of anger, but it was just like, I really, I want to abstain from this. And my mom was like,(laughs) I think not. Right? So but anyway, all of this to say, like, I have these different goals and I continue to try to work and sometimes I set certain goals I have, I do what you said and I iterate and I think what can I do? But also I fundamentally ask myself before I do that, like, this didn't happen. Is this worth it? Right? And with and for me, like fly...I need to come up with a different word,'cause it's cheesy, but like, you know, hip air travel is something that I continue to kind of want, but not enough to figure it out and, or not enough to cross certain barriers, barriers of discomfort. Like I want to wear sneakers, I'm lifting heavy crap, just like when I'm working out and like benching or whatever, doing dead lifts. Like I want arch support(laughs) anyway, you know? So sometimes I just assess like, ah, this isn't really worth it. And some things they just entirely released or some things like that, but then I see inspiration and I'm like, that'd be really cool if I like looked that polished, but then I keep landing with no.- You know what? I think this is related to the growth versus fixed mindset. But I think there's also like, I'm just thinking about the self-talk that people use in the different cases I think the self-talk that, in my example, the evidence of the fixed mindset and the sort of the self-talk that is born of the oughts and the shoulds and the you know, you ought to be able to control the elephant.- Yeah.- It's really, really negative and deprecating self-deprecating, you know, like, and that's what you know like I failed, I fell off the wagon on my diet because I'm just not good at dieting. I'm lazy, I'm--- You have a long statement. Yeah ew those are watering such seeds of pain an suffering- You know, I'm whatever I'm unhealthy. And I think that that also is part and parcel with kind of what the consequences of the rugged individualism that says that willpower alone is enough. And therefore, if willpower alone is not enough, then there's something wrong with you. And then that gets internalized in this negative self-talk, which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy I'm actually done. So yes.- No, no, no, no, no. Everything you were saying was making sense that I was just did a tangent for a while. Here's the connection that I was able to make from what you said though, because when you were just talking about this piece about negative self-talk Tracie, it reminded me that I used to have that in college, but so part of it, there were a couple of different things where I experienced these different things and I totally was acculturated the way lots of other people are, but I think I somewhat more quickly, or because I had some of these other things going on in my orbit, I was able to like, it was toxic for me, Like I couldn't in college, I needed to find tools and books and resources to help me through it and removing the should and starting to focus on what do I want. So when, instead of thinking of my list in the morning, if I shifted to want certain things I don't want, or certain things, even though I don't like them, I do want to do that right? So then that shifted me into a more positive, empowered frame. And I felt like I could get through the day better. Right, like I felt like, so it's helpful for me to remember and I think in the context of our conversations, that it's not necessarily this mystical April's father bestowed upon a unconditional love, which has been floating positive experience of us. No, it was more like I had some of those core things and then in college, I was going through different crises and challenges as my identity was becoming different from that of my parents, as I was dating and starting to have relationships, my parents did, or didn't approve of, mostly didn't and having to go through the crisis of not having certain forms of parental support and missing it because I had so much. And so looking for different books and resources and programs that would help me with these things. And most of the people who were reading those books are doing those programs were like middle-aged women. So I was fairly atypical in doing it. I've been doing courses for a long time Tracie, I did like a functional your life course in college and there was like change your life in 60 days. And I was not their typical client, but I found a lot of these things to be very helpful around both some pragmatic time management pieces, but also more specifically just how we think and the words we use. And then around that time, I was also learning a lot about Buddhism and I really, I was hopping around in different traditional Buddhist traditions. And I really loved the writings of Thich Naht Hahn and his work really resonated with me because both he had really wonderful power analysis and oppression analysis and incorporated what was happening in the world in very concrete ways. And also as someone who was a survivor of incredibly severe trauma, you know, he was a kid or a young person during the Vietnam war in Vietnam. And, you know, as someone whose father was wrongfully incarcerated and who not to the same extent of being a survivor of war, I wanna be really clear here, but who had experienced terror and pain and trauma in different ways. His teaching spoke to me, and I learned a lot from him and one of the key things I learned that I've now referenced, and it's just a part of my language, but often I cite him and other times I don't, but he talked about how in our store, this concept in Buddhist, some of that I suspect is also probably in Judaism. Certainly I know in terms of Musar, there's similar sorts of thinking the values-based texts and like in practice practice, that is Jewish. And, but he talked about how in our store consciousness, there all the seats of different emotions and thoughts are there and we can choose which ones we want to water. And so some of the seeds are active, we can just stop watering those seeds and water, other seeds. So all of this to say between those different things and learning to stop shoulding. And instead focusing on, I want, like, I couldn't like, whereas other people have some ways to deal with that for me, in some ways my being was really sensitive and so very early on it to figure out like, I was like, this is not working. This is causing me to feel a lot of anxiety and I'm not able to get done the things I want to get done. So I need to figure out a different way through this. I need to look for people who have already dealt with this and learn how they do it. So that's good to notice, you know, so the concept of resolutions is relatively benign and there is a whole cultural dynamic around the way people are conditioned to perceive it, but it's something that also can be ours for the making. Pick this is an example or a microcosm of my view overall that applies to joyous justice, right? Of like holding both the power analysis that is very real. And also considering like through healing and different mindfulness practices and other things we can get to a place where we can still have more choice in the context of those dynamics and be better positioned to change them, but it is not for the faint of heart. And there's a lot that people are contending with.- I'm still thinking about the Heath brothers' elephant, you know, like I'm thinking about the fact that, you know, this bootstraps ideas. I mean, you named it as toxic for you and friends, is toxic for all of us.- It wasn't sustainable. Like I couldn't, it wasn't sustainable for all of us.- Its toxic for all of us.- The pressure was too, it was too much.- So it became a crisis for you earlier in your life than it does for some people. But that doesn't mean it's any less toxic for those of us who waited until middle age to have a crisis about it. Yeah, so that was one of the things I was thinking, but and I don't know, I'm just really stuck on this elephant thing. Like, and how can I--- Say more about it.- Well, like what would it look like for me to, when the willpower gets exhausted to be like, oh, okay. So how can I like incentivize my elephant offer it you know, I don't know what elephant's like. Peanuts? Is that just from the cartoons (laughs) but, you know, or if I can find other people whose elephants are already doing what I want my elephants to do, how can we like hang out together and--- And also think about the environment I'm like, where are you sending your elephant? That like, perhaps you can find easier terrain, right?- Exactly.- And, or pack less, so your elephant is carrying like all the different.- And give her breaks more often so that she can you know, recharge.- Because here the Elephant here is willpower, right?- Oh, the rider is willpower. The elephant is like all of your desires and impulses and everything else. The rider is the willpower, you know, "go over here." And the elephant is the rest of your being, your emotions and your needs and your desires and your existing habits.- Also here, I wanna add a quick thing then here just a little plug here, you know, like I decided a few years back based upon things I've learned from spiritual teacher, Sonya Shoket to live a heart centered life. And so what I would also say that I think also leads to me having a different orientation to this is that when I let my sincere desire and passion, not like jealousy or craving, but when it like generative, like, it feels good in my body when I let that lead, and then I just use my mind and my willpower to help support it.'cause I think part of also what is not sustainable in our society is that the famous...Sonya attributes, this quote to Albert Einstein, and it's not this is like paraphrasing it, you know, that the mind was always meant to be in service of our hearts. But instead in contemporary times, we've enslaved our heart in service to our mind. And so when you're sharing that.- That's exactly it.- The metaphor and the mind is the writer.- Yeah and--- Exactly, exactly.- And part of what's helps me be hugely successful in my career again, as I was experiencing, not as much in intense dissonance as I was in college, I'd worked through some of that, but when I started letting my heart and intuition lead more, and then just using my mind in the ways that my mind can be helpful to make sure certain things get done rather than curtailing it, then I had lots, I had more energy and I continue to still, because I again, I've also been conditioned to have my mind control things. And as you know, I've been working on that to release that death grip or that like intense oppressive grip that my mind has had on how my spirituality wants to come forth and be a part of my leadership. And my mind has been controlling that around fear of loss or professional critique, you know, of losing things that I've worked very hard and spent and both very hard. And also in part, because of the passion, because I decided to follow my passion and was willing to just put in a lot more time, because it was something that I genuinely cared about. If the mind is trying to control the elephant, that to say that there's a more... over time, not immediately, but there's a more symbiotic, fluid cooperative relationship that we can have that can look like different things for different people--- Related to the elephant and rider. One of the things that the Heath brothers and others who've studied this kind of thing have noticed is that actually willpower is a limited resource. Like you, you can exhaust your willpower and then it needs to kind of recharge before you can use it again.- It seems like the elephant and the rider is really important. And you know, my take on that, I think, which is so true, and that has come through all the sources you said. And also other ones that I've read in different books about neurology, which is just that I think most people in this rugged individualism narrative are not acknowledging that our habit energy is mammoth like an elephant. It is enormous and it is changeable, but it takes time and specific skills in order to start to move the elephant in a different direction. And there's all kinds of wonderful books. I recently read this book called "Happy Brain," I forget the name of the author. We can cite them. And she kept going into all these different analogous references to elements of the animal kingdom and essentially being like, we are basically animals and no other animal just changes overnight. Like you'd need to go through a process and in order to get there. And so what I hear you saying, as you keep coming back to this is, well, this is what I'm adding. I'm adding that it totally is possible to change, but we should not underestimate that we are working to lovingly move an elephant, but it's far like, so like when you talked about the image, I think I'm getting it now. I didn't at first, but I think I'm like, it's clicking around just the visual as you articulated right. Of you can be the strongest person in the world, you're not stronger than an elephant.- Right.- When you're on top of it, the elephant is the energy force that's moving And we can be in control of those habit about habit, energy, but it takes nuance and skill. And it is not brute force. Brute force is never gonna work with an animal and it's never going to work with our habit energy.- And it's not quick. It's not quick. I think that that's, I mean, I feel like that that's part of what --- It doesn't have to be a long time, but it's incremental.- But there's this sense I get that I feel like I am failing or doing it wrong or somehow a bad elephant writer, I guess if like, yeah. After the first command has given course is not changed forever, right? Like if I'm like, if we're heading.- Or a more dramatic or as sharply as you want it to.- Or at all, I mean, like if I'm heading north Northwest and I'm like, "Hey, elephant let's go due north." And we do for a little while, but then we end up drifting back to North Northwest. I'm like, "Crap, I did it wrong." That's not actually true. I didn't do anything wrong.- Right, that's a fixed mindset.- I need to do it again.- Exactly right, yes.- As opposed to a growth mindset of, I did this so let's redo that. And now also think about how we say, let's also think about what we can do to help keep this elephant on the path, as opposed to it's over.- I think and I think that's why I keep coming back to it because there's some comfort in it. There's some comfort in recognizing that it's a blessed elephant that I'm trying to direct and not just my own two feet, because but even with my, like there's the sense that it's my own two feet. And if I would just, if I just had enough, whatever drive, worthiness, smarts, heart, whatever the thing is that I'm feeling not enough ness. If I were enough, then it would be done. And that I get caught in that kind of shame spiral regularly. That's my go-to there's some not enough ness. And the fact that the elephant I.e. my own two feet are not moving the way I want them to is just further proof of my, not enough ness, whatever the enough is.- Yeah, and I experienced like an elevated, but I would classify maybe an elevated version of this, where in general I don't often do this, but I was thinking of this when we were doing our productivity training around my ADHD and not being able to maintain certain habits. Right? And it wasn't until our teacher said,"April, I'm not saying you don't have ADHD, but that's actually by anyone's standards, that's way too complex of a morning ritual. No one, the most neuro-typical person cannot maintain that." And that was actually so helpful for me to be like, oh, and as well as other habits of like, oh, and the more, and I'd heard this before, but I didn't fully believe it because of our conditioning. Like to me it's it started, it's now started to become a science actually, now that I feel like I read enough books and I really get how habit formation works. It's totally like, what's the phrase like choreography or certain steps that you need to take, right. And to chunk things down and to start off with that and just start to build the neural pathways really simply, you know, like I think, I can't remember if we talked about this or not on the podcast repeats, I think just in Racial Justice Launch Pad, but I'm geeking out about this now, now that I get it more and things have gotten even easier when I start with mini habits of like two or three minutes each.- Right.- Of language learning, of writing and seeing in a few months how that dramatically increases on its own when my brain is ready. But yeah but it's much more about that and about the how to.- because you can't teach an elephant...- Rather than, yeah, but it wasn't, but it's been more about actually being easier on myself and easier on myself in the practice, which was harder for me to do, because it felt so little and so insignificant. But once I learned how brains work it's been like, oh, this is totally doable. The way I was thinking of this, the way I've been conditioned to think of this is that I will be, it will be not cowardly. You know, it'll be lackluster if I just do a tiny thing to start. Whereas now that I've read enough books, which these authors reference, but I needed to actually read the neurology to read, no, actually that's how your brain, that's how the elephant operates. It doesn't wanna hold anything. It just needs little peanuts to start to move it in the right direction. If you give it too much food, it's gonna get tired and then go back to the old path like, oh, I see it's more about management, learning certain management skills, all of that to say, I think we're in different places, but it's the same principle that I'm learning in a different emanation of it. But it's a similar thing of that I've been in the process of learning in the last year of honing and refining.- [April] Thanks for tuning in our show's theme music was composed by Elliot Hammer. You can find this track and other beats on Instagram @ElliotHammer.- If this episode resonated with you, please share it and subscribe. To join the conversation, visit jewstalkracialjustice.com, where you can send us a question or suggestion, access our show notes and learn more about our team. Take care until next time and stay humble and keep going.