Ep 72: If Enoughness is a Carrot It Can Be an Obstacle

A few weeks into 2022, April and Tracie share with us what they’ve learned about how to set intentions and their best practices for succeeding. Referencing the conversation they had in Episode 70, they chat about achieving goals versus implementing systems. They unpack some of the patterns around setting intentions and assumptions of our own enoughness. Tracie  shares her personal 10 commandments for the upcoming year. 

Check out our discussion/reflection questions for this episode:  https://joyousjustice.com/blog/jews-talk-racial-justice-ep-72

Find April and Tracie's full bios and submit topic suggestions for the show at www.JewsTalkRacialJustice.com

Learn more about Joyous Justice where April is the founding and fabulous (!) director, and Tracie is a senior partner: https://joyousjustice.com/

Support the work our Jewish Black & Native woman-led vision for collective liberation here: https://joyousjustice.com/support-our-work

Read more of Tracie’s thoughts at her blog: https://www.bmoreincremental.com/

Learn more about Racial Justice Launch Pad and join the waitlist: https://joyous-justice.mykajabi.com/rjlp-waitlist-1

Learn more about James Clear: https://jamesclear.com/

Learn more about Demir and Carey Bentley’s process of setting personal commandments here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSTKbvcaNGU

And learn how Gretchen Rubin talks about personal commandments here.

Find out more about the Lumen device here:  https://lumen.me/

Learn more about Stacey Boehman here:  https://staceyboehman.com/

Transcript

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- [Tracie] A few weeks into the secular new year, we think back about our conversation on resolutions and unpack what helps with change and what just doesn't.- [April] This is Jews Talk Racial Justice with April and Tracie.- [Tracie] A weekly show hosted by April Baskin and Tracie Guy Decker.- [April] In a complex world, change takes courage.- [Tracie] Wholehearted relationships can keep us accountable.- Hi, Tracie Guy Decker.- Hey there, April Baskin.- So we spoke about some of our analysis and thinking around New Year's resolutions and our critique of how that's often constructed. But I think both of us, we both have a different orientation to resolutions season. I don't mind it, I actually like it, but through our conversation, we learned that part of that, as we unpack that, is because I've done a lot of work. I both had some foundational stuff and I've done work to shift the experience of it and to kind of cancel out the negative parts and keep what's good and what works for me. And even though I think you still may be, which a lot of my beloveds are, in a place of contradiction to that culture and dynamic. I know that we both do share a value and an appreciation of kavanot, of setting intentions and engaging in work. I mean, that's what we live into and do on a daily, weekly, monthly, and annual basis together through our work together. And so I thought it might be nice to follow up, and now with the heavy critiques in mind and some beginnings of what it looks like to move forward in ways that are sustainable and loving and acknowledge us as whole people in the context of communities, through growth mindset and different things, that we could share some of our thoughts, personally, as well as strategically, around different things we are aiming for and some intentions we have for the coming year, and a couple... I don't think we need to list them all, but a couple or two, a few practices that we're doing that positively contradict otherwise unsustainable traditions or dynamics that are often lifted up as ideal in our society, but are very much not and are quite unsustainable.- Yeah. I've been influenced by a lot of different thinkers, not least of which being you, April, and thinking about- Oh, thanks, Tracie. and thinking about setting kavanot and what doesn't work for me and what might work better. So I mentioned James Clear in our last episode. From James Clear I learned the idea of thinking about the kind of person I want to be. So rather than focusing on like a specific goal of running 20 miles a week or whatever, like a numeric goal like that, Clear suggests that we actually become the kind of person or work on becoming the kind of person who doesn't miss a workout. That I want to be the kind of person who doesn't miss a workout. I want to be the kind of person who makes healthy choices. I want to be the kind of person who lives fully in my body. I'm off the cuff right now. So I learned that shift from James Clear. And in that vein, I also, from you, have been thinking about, and not just you, but also some of the things that we've done together, thinking about doing the inner work to heal and just be more fully... Here I come back to the idea of shalem and shalom, shalem being wholeness, shalom, being peace. And that constellation of wholeness and peace is what I'm trying to be more fully. And so I recently developed, this is based on Gretchen Rubin's commandments, personal commandments that she wrote, but I learned about them through Demir and Car Bentley. I learned about Gretchen through Demir and Carey. But I actually have been really focusing on what are the actual core things? And if I can return to those intentions, then the rest of my life will be more shalem and shalom.- Yes.- And so those are, that's the kind of work that I've been, that I've been focusing on in these last couple months of resolution season.- Would you be willing to share a couple of what those intentions are? You don't have to share all of them,- Yeah, sure. but would you be willing to share? I think people would be interested, and I find it inspiring to hear.- So I don't mind sharing all of them. I have 10, and this is a work in progress. I don't think this is...unlike the original 10 from Sinai. These are not carved in stone. So from Gretchen Rubin, her first is, be Gretchen. And so, like following her model, my first is Be Tracie, which I take to mean stop trying to be somebody else. Two is, Do Hard Things. Three is, Move. Four is, Feel Your Feelings, which I am not always good at. Five is, Don't Quit, Rest. Six is, Make Room for God. Seven is, Return with Compassion, which is actually about these kavanot themselves, and the compassion is really important here. So it's not just about a teshuva, it's about teshuva b'rachamim, return with compassion for myself. Number seven, is Pursue Justice. Sorry, that's eight. Nine is, Practice Equity. And 10 is Forgive Yourself. So those are my 10,- Yay. which I am carrying into 2022 and 5782.- Wonderful, thank you, Tracie. And I can't remember-- Thanks for letting me share them, April.- Yeah, they're so beautiful. When you were talking earlier about James Clear, I can't remember 'cause I was reading a couple books. I read Atomic Habits almost two years ago, and I can't remember if it was this book or a different book, but I think it was his book when you talked about the who you want to be versus specific things, and I think it was... he said this and probably other people did too, but... about the aim for systems instead of goals.- I think yes, I think so. I think that's James Clear.- And to me it's a similar, it's a variation of what you said, and that was very help- I loved that, right? Because his point was also too that systems help you achieve the goals, and also goals inherently are finite. Even if we do hit our goals, normally when we get to that place, there's more we want. So if we hit a certain physical goal, right? So I like thinking about systems for my body that evolve as my body is evolving and changing, both in terms of the aging process, but more significantly too, as I get healthier and healthier, and as different things are shifting in terms of my capacity, my strength, my proportions. It's been really helpful for me over the last year plus to think of it as a system, and rather than having- I do have some sub milestones and goals, but also knowing that when I hit those, that I'm going to want to be focusing on strength building more and then from there, I'm going to want to do agility, and then from there, I might want to more intentionally reincorporate belly dancing, but it's an ever evolving process. And so this is just a different way of saying what Tracie said, which is to shift into thinking about it as an ongoing journey. And I have a specific goal, but once you hit that goal, both in terms of wanting to prevent backsliding, and also once we hit those goals, the nature of human existence is that when we experience something, we're now at that level, that's now our new normal, and there's likely a different desire or longing in any number of ways that's going to arise. And so anticipating that and knowing that it's just going to be a continual process of evolution, I really love this idea, because oftentimes, traditionally, people don't think much past the goal, which is at times perhaps why people backslide or they kind of struggle because they haven't envisioned in their mind. And so it's been really fun for me and it's shifted the way- It's interesting, I don't know if it's also just that I'm in an active process through different programs, and also because of the Jewish high holidays, of having set some kavanot. And even then, that it's the nature of kavanot, I think, actually as I'm talking, I'm noticing that, we'll see over time, but I think it's shifting for me. I have broader intentions and big, big, huge dreams, but I think I've integrated enough of what I've learned over the last couple of years, that it's more about me just maintaining the systems and the incremental steps I take daily that add up to big things, and that I focus, the other thing for me is that I've shifted the nature of my focus. So I still think about certain specific concrete goals, but I place much more of a premium on, as Will Smith says it, laying each brick perfectly. I focus less on the building and just look at the map or the plan or the blueprint that I have for that specific section, and make sure I am doing that well, right? So I have a monthly habit tracker, and so each day I have different checklists for morning and night, and I make sure to go through and do those things and to take five minutes in Asana because I've learned when I take five minutes in Asana that leads to a few hours of me doing focused work, that is the work that my team and I have determined are the most leveraged actions that I can take. But I've learned rather than trying to tackle those things, all I need to do is set a trigger to look at the list, and to go through it, and clear it, and then also see, oh, this thing isn't cleared. Oh, that will take 10 minutes, let me do that now. And living into much more of what is the rhythm of my day. Some other intentions I have, so I haven't gotten to the point of the 10 commandments yet that Tracie has, although I would like to do that for the coming year, because again, I love intentionality. And so that's fun, and it would be fun for me to think about these different core principles.'Cause I think the 10 plus commandments are already swirling in my world and in my lived existence right now, but it would be great to name them concretely or to notice this other list that I'm using that basically incorporates different parts of those or different facets of my different habits, but actually name them to make it even more concrete for me, which is helpful for me and how my brain works, because I often am more amorphous in my mind and going from multiple places, so having an anchor place where I can see these things concisely articulated would be helpful. Some other things I would say... I had an idea, but then I forgot it. What was it? So the systems versus goals piece is really huge and it's really central. And other example that I would give of this, just to share, is I recently purchased, while I was in the states, a Lumen, which is this little device that was made by two Israeli sisters, which is just kind of fun for me to notice, I didn't know that when I first learned about it, that measures the enzymes in your breath and can tell you on a scale from one to five, whether you're burning mostly fat, a little bit, like less fat, but so mostly fat, carbs and fat, or predominantly carbs, or entirely carbs. And that aligns with different parts of my health journey and eating habits that I find really helpful for me in alignment with the recommendation of different doctors and physicians like David Perlmutter and the like. And maybe if I were in the states, I wouldn't... get it, although maybe I probably would, because there are other tests that one can do that take more time, or if you saw a nutritionist or things. But in the absence of that in Senegal, this is a great tool for me to have daily, especially at times when I don't know what I'm eating to have a sense of where my body is just track progress. And as I'm using it, I noticed that different people in the online community get really fixated about specific scores. But from what I've learned, as I've been doing this, I have focused- Like I notice in the morning where it is and at different points, but if especially something upsets me, so I more savor when I like it, and when I don't, I just think it's actually less about the specific score and more about the habits, because the other thing about this tool that before I purchased it, as I was debating whether or not I would, that different people spoke about, is that for the first month or so, it's collecting data in order for it to give you really helpful information about how specifically your metabolism is working. And so I've been focused about it in a way that's like the laying of bricks, of just like, actually, it's less about the score, although that I care about that, but it's much more about me doing this a few times a day every day and building up the body of knowledge and momentum and the habit of me doing this. Because once I build in that habit, it's easier for me to then, once that's more solid to think, oh, these are the recommendations for food it has for me based upon the goals that I've set, and I can do that. But I've just chunked it down to just what I need to do and just feeling good about taking a measurement each day.- The thing that is coming up for me, this is a related a little bit to kind of some of the things we talked about last time, and this is related to my 10th commandment, personal commandment, which is forgive yourself, which is that those folks who are getting fixated, I'm projecting right now, but I'm projecting onto them that they're-- I think you're probably right.- They've... that person has decided that they will be good enough when they get that score consistently at that thing, right? That's when they'll be good enough. And the problem is, I'm realizing, and I'm trying to return with compassion, that no, you won't,'cause there'll be some other thing that you decide is the thing that you'll be good enough, and the way to be good enough is to recognize that you're already good enough.- Yeah.- And I think that's fundamentally the difference of what you're describing right now, April, of the system rather than the goal,'cause the goal says... So the goal says that, reach this thing, and that will be enough and you will be enough. I got really hung up on-- And the nice thing about their system works to contradict it too, I would add, which is that they recommend having metabolic flexibility. But it seems like at times, people in the community are still, because of messaging and stuff, they're still fixated, even though the Lumen staff talk about having the ability- Yeah. to switch back and forth. People get really panicked- It's a hard- and slow down.- 'Cause it's a difficult thing to turn off. I got, when I... For years now, at different moments it's become acute, but so listeners know I went to graduate school. I went to the University of Chicago Divinity School. I completed an MA, and then I started pHD work. And I left. I withdrew. I am not ABD, I never sat comps. So, but I did complete my coursework. And I have major hangups around the fact that I did not complete that PhD, even though the reason, when I left, and maybe I've told this story even too, I was miserable. I hated being a PhD student. It was not happy. And I was stuck in this, I was just stuck where I felt absolutely miserable, but I felt like I couldn't quit'cause I didn't want to be a quitter, because I didn't want to be a failure. And then one day I woke up and I was like, it doesn't matter if I don't do this degree. It doesn't matter. Nothing will change. Nothing bad will happen- Nope. if I don't finish this degree. That was in 2006, 2007 maybe, that I made that realization. And still to this day, there are moments where I'm like, oh, I can't do that, I don't have a PhD. That it's still rearing its head at me.(April chuckles) And so I just... I'm noticing that difference, thank you, I'm noticing that difference between the goal that says, that is held like a carrot in front of the donkey, you'll be good enough when you get here. But the carrot is on, it's on that fishing pole,(Tracie chuckles) like all the donkeys harness, and no matter how far you walk is always gonna be a few steps ahead. And versus the system that it just assumes you're already good enough, and now you're gonna figure out how, where the carrots are buried.- And find things along the way.- I'm torturing this metaphor, but...- No, I love it. I was thinking about it. Yeah, like, okay, that's there, that's still there and there. And I know that eventually I'm gonna get to a carrot patch, but there's always gonna be something else that's going to be there. But I'm going to stop and enjoy some snacks and know that each day I'm taking a set number of steps toward wherever I am going.'Cause I think there is a value in the carrot, but when people get so fixated on it and don't realize the inherent nature of the carrot, that the carrot is always changing and it's never going to be there, which is a part of the different metaphysical teachers I've learned from. That's a big thing of what they talk about, is how do you become more unconditional and enjoy the journey and enjoy the progress you're doing, and get into a place of energetic alignment where you feel good. And it's great to get that thing, but actually you get it faster because you're just able to walk because you're not in resistance to the not having it. And then suddenly you're noticing, oh, there's grass, and this is delicious, and it's not quite the carrot, but I'm on my way to the carrot, and I feel good about being on my way, and that's good, right? Profound stuff.- It's not about, it's also not about the donkey thing, like I'll deserve the carrot when I get to this. that's another piece of,- No.- I think that's a piece of the dysfunction that I am sensing in myself, which is that somehow I'll deserve the success I would deserve the success- That's so many of us. if I had finished that PhD. The deservingness of the donkey and the carrot is another piece of the whole puzzle. And I've tortured this metaphor far enough, but hopefully you're still with us.- Oh I love it, I think it's great, I'm here for it, I'm with you, Tracie. So I'm here for it. So I think some other things I would say in terms of intentions that I have,'cause I didn't list a 10 commandments yet, is that I'm really excited to scale Joyous Justice. I recently listened to a podcast with Stacy Damon, who, as Tracie knows, who I love, who's a master coach, and I've learned a lot from her, and she's really given me a lot of insight to help build both my coaching practice and also just the business overall, and how to think about things in inspiring and strong work ethic ways, all of it. So she was talking the other day about, it was really helpful for me, that people often, the business owners can conflate growth and scale. And so I would say is that certainly in a number of ways, we scaled parts of of our business, but in the second half of the year, Tracie, I think we've been largely focusing on growth and building up a body of materials and resources and systems that are positioning us to be able to scale. And so I'm excited to start to live into a number of the things that our team has built and established for folks when we are ready to welcome them, and they are excited and ready to be in deeper learning relationship with us. And there's just so much joy and excitement in this work with you, Tracie. And I've had this in parts of my work before, but it's just such a gift to me to be able to co-create with the divine and to co-create with divinely awesome fellow humans around developing a vision together and then taking the inspired action, and a lot,(April laughs) a lot of inspired action and then putting it out into world and inviting people into what we've co-created and then continuing to co-create around what we can partner with and support them in achieving and surmounting and accomplishing. And so one of my kavanot for this year is to continue to live into that and to have the courage, which we are in the midst of right now, for me specifically, of having the courage to give this my full attention. To say it has been a couple of years, we have built a wonderful body of work that is just at its beginning, and it's time for me to close out some individual contracts and step into fully giving this my all and believing in its potential and its growth and its journey, similarly to what we just talked about. So both being very excited if some goals are quickly achieved and also knowing that they will be achieved, because I am that and we are that determined, and we are doing all the right things. And so at this point, it's only a matter of time before different things click and we're able to step more deeply into powerful racial justice work and powerful social change and powerful empowerment, collective empowerment work with members of our community. And hopefully as the months and years pass with people who are not yet in our community, who will be, or in our circle, I mean. So it's just... that's very exciting. And the nice thing is I don't need to have a specific kavanah around that because that's a kava- or at least in terms of now that we are entering 2022. Although also I do want to do some annual pragmatic planning with our team this month, as we've talked about in our team meetings.- Yeah, I think that's different- Just to set some overall targets for the quarters to make sure that we're on track and on pace to help guide our work.- That's different.- Can you say how? Because I think you're right, but I can't quite put it into words myself.- So for 2022, my wish for racial justice in the Jewish community and beyond,- How nice. is that we have growth and scale for the justice, and enoughness for the people who are pursuing it. Not enoughness to make us stop, but enoughness to actually make us confident to keep going. And how we reach those things, each person is gonna have different specific steps to take on that path. That's the planning, the pragmatic planning that you and I need to do with our team. But that growth and scale and personal enoughness, that's the sort of the bigger kavanah for all of us. That's what I'm thinking about anyway.- And what I would add is... not exclusively, but since we put so much time into it, especially through Racial Justice Launchpad and other similar efforts, my kavanah is that... for the broader Jewish community, is that more and more of our community can start to see that yes, racial injustice is incredibly challenging and painful, but there are qualified leaders and legitimate, doable, proven strategies and techniques that can help teams and individuals develop a rhythm around this work. And a sense of enoughness, as Tracie said, and a sense of growth mindset and being in a rhythm, because I noticed many people that's like stop and start, and they're really unclear. And so my prayer or kavanah for our community is that in the coming year, we're able to make strides in any number of ways, through different facets of our movement, that help people get more clear about their value, about their specific roles, and positionalities that they can play in this work. And that we start to move in the direction, if not embody different systematic action, and shift out of goals or fears about specific... Identity, politics, challenges, or... or faux pas, and shift into such a profound commitment to racial justice that people have a desire to start to learn strategies and skills that help them navigate those mistakes instead of avoid them and take more risks that lead to greater positive movement in the direction of racial justice and move out of stagnation and into a rhythmic process of saying like, oh, well this is huge, but through different things like Racial Justice Launchpad, we see, actually we can spread this out over 12 years, not two. And then we can get really good and start really laying powerful bricks and take clear decisive steps that steadily move us in a direction that is positive, and that we can stop and set aside this corner cutting and get the resources and support we need to do the work that ultimately needs to be done and move us in a positive direction. And, which is so hard at times for our community, feel good about the work and ourselves. Even as we still hold some dissatisfaction, which is, the right amount of dissatisfaction is motivating and good to know, like, ah, this could be better, but also, wow, we didn't have this program before, and look at the outcomes it's producing. And we want better outcomes from where we started, and this is fantastic. And that we can continue to move from strength to strength. Thanks for tuning in. Our show's theme music was composed by Elliot Hammer. You can find this track and other beats on Instagram @ElliotHammer. If this episode resonated with you, please share it and subscribe. To join the conversation, visit JewsTalkRacialJustice.com, where you can send us a question or suggestion, access our show notes, and learn more about our team. Take care until next time, and stay humble and keep going.