Toxic Femininity

In this eye-opening episode, Erika-Michelle confronts the rise of toxic femininity and how it has distorted God’s design for men, women, and the home. As culture screams that men are disposable and women must do it all, we’re seeing the fallout: passive men, overwhelmed women, and homes stripped of peace and purpose.

We’ll unpack how the enemy has strategically attacked the role of the wife and mother, convincing women that their calling is beneath them and convincing men they’re no longer needed. But God’s Word paints a different picture: one of honor, balance, and divine order.

With biblical truth and raw honesty, she dives into:

• How society has diminished the role of men, and how it's affecting our families
• The spiritual attack on womanhood, motherhood, and homemaking
• God’s beautiful design for marriage and the powerful role of the “helper”
• Why being a stay-at-home mom isn’t lesser, it’s kingdom work

Scripture-rich and truth-filled, this episode is a call to reclaim God’s vision for the home, and to walk boldly in the roles He lovingly designed. Whether you’re a wife, a mom, or just seeking to understand God’s heart for family, this episode will challenge and encourage you to live counter-culturally and biblically.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Toxic Femininity
• 2:18 The Role of Communication in Relationships
• 5:17 Understanding Traditional Marriages
• 7:23 Cultural Perceptions of Masculinity and Femininity
• 8:40 The Impact of Societal Expectations on Women
• 10:48 Biblical Perspectives on Gender Roles
• 14:17 The Importance of Family Structure
• 16:42 Reclaiming the Role of Women
• 19:34 Empowering Men and Women in Their Roles

Transcript

Hey friends, welcome back to the show. Today, we're diving into a real one. Something that's been stirring in my spirit for a while now. We're talking about toxic femininity. The diminishing of the man's role in the home and how that's wrecking not just our families, but our society. You know, this idea came about when I saw a post in a mom's group.

Y'all know the moms groups on social media can be savage, right? And this mom was frustrated because she had a newborn baby and she was a stay at home mom and she could not understand why her husband who in a very awful way, let me go ahead and throw this out here right now. What the husband communicated is not.

entirely the issue, but how he communicated it was absolutely atrocious. Okay, and I want to go on record saying that because even in the moms group, they were trying to roast me in the comments for what I said. So I'm going to say it again, how the husband handled this was absolutely atrocious. I mean, it was it was hideous. Okay, you guys, but

What he said was not necessarily the issue in its entirety So the mom posted in the mom's group how frustrated she was. She was tending to the baby. She was tired. She was having to clean up. She was having to feed her baby.

She was having to watch her baby while the husband was working. And when she expressed to her husband that he needed to help around the house, she was saying that the house was always dirty and trying to cook and clean and do all these things she was struggling to do. And she was telling her husband he needed to work and help around the house. The husband

Now again, before I say this, cause y'all are gonna start trying to side eye me, I already know it. How he approached this was atrocious, okay? I am not at all in agreement with how he approached this nor his take on how he approached this. So don't get anything twisted, okay you guys? So keep that in mind. He said, you are a stay at home mom and this is your...

your job, essentially. This is your job to take care of the home, to cook, clean. I will step in when you need help and I see that you're too busy to do some things

Then he added that if she wanted to work outside of the home and pay half of the bills, then he would take half of the workload at home.

And she was very frustrated and felt like this meant he didn't love her because here she is doing all these things. He's working, taking care of the bills. She's taking care of the home and she doesn't understand.

that that's not what she wanted. She doesn't want to be a stay at home mom. She had aspirations. She's in school to become, I think it was a nurse or something along those lines. And she was frustrated because she didn't have a desire to be a stay at home mom. And he's pretty much telling her she's a stay at home mom. Now, again, I do not agree with his approach or methodology to the situation or to his wife who he is supposed to love and recognize when she's saying,

I need help, I'm drowning, please step in and be a father figure, you know, help in this role. I completely understand it. My husband has had to help me many a times, many, many, many, many, many, many of times. My husband cooks, he cleans, he takes care of the children, he works outside of the home, has a business, everything. So I completely understand that even though my role in the home is mom and nurturer and wife and to take care of the things as a stay at home mom.

I recognize as well that we do still need help. Okay? you still are a dad. And I know sometimes it feels unfair because it feels like dad can turn off dad. Moms are 24, seven, three, six, five. We're mom year round, round the clock. It never turns off. It never stops.

And sometimes in our world, we can feel like dads get to turn that off. They get to physically leave and go to a job and talk to adults. And when they're at work, they're just worried about work. I used to tell my husband this all the time when he worked offshore. when you leave here, you get to not have to worry about being dad. You get to go and work and you can shut off being dad. And when you're home, you can shut off work.

Well, for us moms, we can't do that. Our work is our role. Mom is our work. so we're this 24 seven. And so I do recognize this, but what I commented, and again, not at all in agreement with the husband and his approach to any of this. I said, it sounds like what your husband is wanting is a traditional marriage. And there's nothing wrong with that. And that is a true statement.

it's something wrong for her because that's not what she wants. But that should have been discussed prior to getting married and having a baby. and I put this in the comments of this post as well. This is a note for you young people. Have these tough conversations because when the real gets going, this is when it matters. Not the ooey gooey, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It's can I spend the rest of my life with you?

These are conversations that need to take place prior to, because if your mission in life was not to be a stay at home mom, have the conversation with your future significant other what's gonna happen when we start having children? And if your significant other is saying they want a traditional marriage where the wife is taking care of the home and the caretaker and the homemaker and nurturing the children and.

the husband is out and paying the bills and sustaining the lifestyle that you guys lead. Those are all conversations you need to have before you get married. And definitely before you start having children and bringing children into a marriage. Well, back to the post, okay? So people were going on and on. So many people were like, you need to divorce, divorce, divorce,

And I'm like, wait a minute. There's a lot of information we don't have here.

How young is this couple? Maybe they are a young couple and they're learning how to be husband and wife. Y'all, there is a learning curve for this, okay? None of this comes with a training manual. I'll get to that in a minute. It does, but not in the sense that we all all think. The Bible is our training manual, but again, we'll get to that in a moment. we're so quick to throw out this D word.

We are so quick to throw out divorce and now you're going to bastardize another child, have another child growing up in a broken home.

And the logic in that y'all is absolutely wild because guess what? If she gets divorced, she's going to be doing everything by herself anyway. So to even offer up divorce as an option is outlandish at this point. She is struggling because she's saying she needs help. So we say, get rid of them. So you can go do it all by yourself on your own anyway. Make it make sense.

So everybody was like, you need to divorce him, divorce him, divorce him. He sounds awful, this, that. And then of course they started roasting me for my comment. Fortunately, for me, I have very thick skin and didn't take any of it personal. Some of it was even comical because some of the comments were just hilarious. They were like, you sound like a pick me that would teach your daughter to stay in an abusive relationship. And I'm like,

That's a massive leap. But okay, if that makes you feel better, whatever.

So in the comments of the post, I literally put, I don't agree with how your husband handled this at all. It was absolutely awful. Sounds like he's got a lot of maturing to do and how to effectively communicate with you, and y'all need to get on the same page But it sounds like he wants a traditional marriage and there's nothing wrong with wanting a traditional marriage. Y'all, is nothing wrong with a traditional marriage. And by traditional, I do mean,

husband works, wife is the homemaker, takes care of the children, is the nurturer. That does not mean you are the slave to the home. Okay? So again, don't get any words twisted here. Doesn't mean you are a slave to your home.

or you were a slave to your spouse or you were a slave to your children. But there's literally nothing wrong with a traditional marriage. And in today's society, we have tainted that role.

We have tainted that view of marriage. We have tainted.

that.

order in our home.

Let's be real y'all. The world has been shouting for years now that men aren't needed, that they're dispensable, that we as women can do it all. Raise the babies, pay the bills, run the businesses, lead the homes and never miss a beat. But let me ask you something. How's that really going?

And if you take a step back and really think about the conversations you're having in your mom circles, your friend circles, the mom's groups on social media, the let's go have a girls night how's the conversation going? Is everybody happy and thriving and feeling amazing and great? Or if we're honest with ourselves, do we see a lot of overwhelmed burnt out?

bitter women trying to be everything and quietly resenting it all.

because that's what I'm seeing across social media. Like I said, in the moms groups, in certain conversations. So let's back up for a second and let's look at what's happening here. Bottom line is, is we've been lied to. I'm just gonna go ahead and throw that out. One thing, if you have followed me for any length of time, you know I'm gonna always keep it real despite what anybody has to say about it. You are more than welcome to not agree, more than welcome.

We're not all here to agree with one another all the time anyway. So that's totally okay. You're more than welcome to not agree, but I'm going to keep it pretty real here. We have literally been lied to. We were told that embracing femininity meant rejecting masculinity. That girl power meant boy, bye. That being strong meant being hard and emotionless, independent to the point of isolation. And somewhere along the way, being a wife and a mom became

less than like staying home and raising children was wasting your potential. But biblically that could not be further from the truth. This is what the world does. Y'all the world is out there worlding and we're back here trying to make sense of it all. And we're comparing ourselves and we're losing sight of the biblical approach to our lives. God had an order for all of this.

Now, whether you want to follow that order or not is up to you. That's how you choose to live your life and nobody can argue that with you. But let's not again get it twisted for one second and believe that femininity is about women's empowerment. Femininity used to be about women's rights, okay? Because we used to not have rights. We were not able to vote. We were not able to work. We were not able to,

there was a lot of things that we weren't able to do. So originally the feminist movement was about women's rights. And just like most things that are worldly, it creates a foothold for the enemy. And that is what has happened. And that is what we are seeing. This created a foothold for the enemy and it disrupted what the feminist movement was. And now it has shifted to this worldly view.

of womanhood, which is a complete and utter fabrication. Let's go to the word. Genesis 2.18, and this is the ESV version. Genesis 2.18 says, then the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. This is one of the only times in the Bible where God says this is not good. He said, it's not good for man to be alone. I will make

him a helper fit for him. This isn't saying woman is lesser. This is God himself saying man was incomplete without her and the word helper used here in Hebrew and forgive me if I don't pronounce this right. I have not studied Hebrew. I've not taken a course or training on dialect or pronunciation. So again, forgive me if I pronounce this wrong. You know, don't roast me.

in Hebrew, it's Ezzer, the same word used to describe God as our helper. It's powerful. It's intentional. What does Ezzer mean? What does it really mean? Ezzer doesn't mean assistant, doesn't mean sidekick or someone lesser. In fact, it's a strong word that speaks of strength, support, and life-saving help.

It's used 21 times in the Old Testament and 16 of those times it's used to refer to God himself as the helper of his people. You see this in Psalm 33:20, you see it in Psalm 70:5, you see it in Deuteronomy 33:29,

The remaining times it's used in the context of military aid or divine rescue. So what does that mean for women? When God calls Eve Adam's helper, he isn't assigning her a lesser role. He is calling her a powerful, essential partner in God's design for the world. It's giving complimentary, not competition.

It's giving strength alongside, not behind. It's also giving a distinct role that supports, nurtures, and builds in a way that reflects God's own helping nature. Bottom line, the term helper in Genesis 2, it's not demeaning, it's divine, ladies. Moms, women, wives, it is divine. God gave woman a role that reflects his own character to come alongside, to strengthen, and to support the mission and purpose he placed on the man and their union. Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 through 25.

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Submission is not about inferiority, it's about divine order. And husbands, they're called to love with a sacrificial, protective, servant-hearted love that mirrors Jesus himself.

Y'all, Jesus died for the church and husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church. So what happened? Culture told men they weren't needed. And over time, just like with anything, when you hear something over and over and over and over again, what happens? You start to believe it. A lot of men believed it. They backed off, sat down, checked out, and we blamed them for not quote unquote stepping up.

But amidst all of the, don't need you rhetoric, where did we give a new generation of men room to step up? This shift didn't empower women, it burdened us. Now we've got women who are emotionally exhausted, spiritually depleted, trying to carry roles they were not meant to carry alone. And instead of recognizing the design of God, we blame the roles themselves.

We see being a wife and a mother as a prison instead of a divine position. Let me tell you now what's really going on. See, because the Bible also lets us know, remember how earlier I said we do have a manual, it's called the Bible, y'all. And that manual, that Bible is a manual for life. It's a manual for parenting. It's a manual for this world. It's a manual for self. It's a manual for spirit. It is a manual. More people need to start using it as such.

We need to keep referring to the Bible when we face these situations because what's going on worldly is not literally what we're dealing with here. The Bible tells us we are not fighting flesh and blood. We are fighting powers and principalities. Y'all, this is a spiritual attack. It is a spiritual attack against the woman. It's a spiritual attack against the man. It's a spiritual attack against families and marriages. It is 100 % a spiritual attack.

The enemy has always hated family because family reflects the image of God. And if he can confuse the roles, tear down the fathers, belittle the mothers and twist the truth of marriage, he's got a foothold. Proverbs 14 verse one says, the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears hers down. Sisters, we can't let culture make us the destroyers of our own homes.

We're called to be builders, not builders of our own kingdom, but of God's kingdom, starting right in our own living rooms.

This is the divine order. This is the divine position. Y'all, we were placed here. We were upheld to this standard for a reason. We are the nurturers and the builders inside of our home so that they can go out and set out on their way for the purpose that God put inside of them. That is powerful. That's not demeaning. That's not Lester Van. That is probably the most important role because these men that we need, that our society needs, that our homes need, that our families need, guess what?

That nurturing mom is who set him out on his way to be the man that he is supposed to be. So how do we fix this? How do we reclaim what the enemy has lied to us about? What we've allowed the world to lie to us about? We first of all, stop bashing our men. That's first and foremost. It needs to stop. Right here, right now, full stop. it's not cute.

It's not empowerment. We need to speak life into the men God has placed in our lives. Whether that's your husband, your brother, your son, your pastor, a mentor, we honor their role and give space for them to lead. Now for some of you, that might be difficult. I can go ahead and admit it's difficult for me. I was raised by a single mother who was all about the independent woman. Do everything yourself because that way you know you can make it without a man. That's what I was taught.

And kudos to her for that because I was able to do all sorts of stuff on my own. I bought my own first house in my early twenties. I bought my own first car. There was a lot that I was able to do with that type of ideology. So for some of us, it's difficult to break some programming and give room for men to lead. We also have to do the same thing with our sons as they get to a certain place in life. You have to give room for them to lead. And I actually just kind of

had this revelation the other day after talking to a woman of God, we have to, as moms, also recognize when we need to take a step back and trust what we've put into our children. And that is including trust what you have put into your sons and give them room to lead. A lot of times we fight that as they're coming into teenage years and those hormones and that testosterone kicks in. It is natural for them to want to start bucking the system. It is very difficult to deal with.

Very, very, very difficult to parent because we're still, no, you need to do as I say because I say so, right? That's not the natural order. They are coming into their manhood and they need room to lead in the safety of their home before they're out there in the world. So start giving them opportunities to lead. We have got to start giving space for our men to lead. Number two, we reclaim the beauty of being a wife and a mom. not with guilt or shame, but with joy.

It's a high calling to shape hearts, guard homes, nurture children, and create peace in a world full of chaos. It is a high order. It is a high calling. It is divine positioning. We have got to reclaim the beauty of that. It is special to be a wife. It is special.

to be a mother. I understand not everybody wants those two roles, but the ones who do, it is absolutely special. It is precious. We should cherish it and honor it and love it and not let the enemy trick us into hating our role as a wife and a mom. And y'all, I am speaking from experience here. There have been times where I have been frustrated and second guessed all my life's decisions.

It is hard out here in these streets for a mom. I get it. I'm not saying that everything needs to be perfect, but when we allow the enemy a foothold into the special role of ours, things start getting twisted and we start listening to the whispers of the enemy of how awful it is and how amazing we should be out in the world. And y'all, our number one legacy work is our children. That should be our number one ministry.

is our children. It is kingdom work. And just like any other kingdom work, it is not easy. It is not without its faults and flaws and trials and errors and learning by our own mistakes. It is not without any of that, but it is special. It is divine. It is beautiful and wonderful and amazing. There are some women out there who want it so badly and are unable to attain it. We need to

honor it and cherish it and reclaim the beauty of it and stop listening to the lies of the devil. Next, we reset our hearts to God's design. Titus chapter two, verse four through five reminds us to train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind. Not because we can't work outside of the home.

but because the home is holy. The home is where revival starts. And you know how you know this, even from a worldly perspective, because anything, something happens with children, what do people in the world always say? that's the parents thought. It starts at home. It starts at home. That's what you always hear when these young kids out here doing wildish things.

And while I don't agree with the statement in the way that it's used in that context, because you can sometimes raise a child in a loving home, two parent home, had everything handed to them and they go out there and do some really stupid things. Okay. But from a biblical standpoint, it is true. Revival starts in the home. Okay. We must remember our jobs are to get our children to heaven, not Harvard. Getting into Harvard is great.

wonderful accomplishment. But that's not our mission in life. Our mission in life is not to make sure our children achieve the highest in the world. Because again, the Bible says, what is it to gain the world and to lose your soul? And we have to remember that as parents too. Now what I'm about to say is not biblical. This is not in the Bible. This is me speaking. What is it to gain the world, but to lose our children's soul? What is it for us to be out there trying to do all this work out there?

and build up out there and get to where we wanna be and all these things and everything else. And meanwhile, our children are falling by the wayside because there's no one in the home getting the foundation of Christ and the word in their hearts.

think what's worse for me thinking about losing my own soul is that I didn't do my role in my home to ensure my children's soul was protected and guarded and saved. That is a worse thought than even my own soul.

Next, we partner with our husbands, not compete with them. God gave Adam and Eve different roles, but equal worth. Let's stop acting like one role is more important than the other. They were meant to compliment, not compete, remember? Listen, this isn't about shaming strong women. I've been there before. I've owned businesses. I've had success.

I have, you know, gone to school, got a degree, all the things. So this is not about shaming strong women. This is not about shaming women who have desires outside of the home. This is not about shaming women who don't want to be wives and mothers. This is not for you. If you have no interest in being a wife and a mom, this is not for you. This is for the woman who that is what she wants to do. And the world has started tainting the role of a mom and a woman. So again,

This isn't about shaming women who want to pave the way and pioneers and amazing, highly educated and ingenuitive women. This is not about that at all, okay? It's about calling out toxic femininity that is the catalyst for the resentment women across the globe feel towards their role as wife and mother and nurturer of their homes. It's about recognizing that real strength

submits to God's order. Not your husband's, not your wife's, not your children, not to man, but to God's order. It's about seeing the enemy's strategy and standing firm against the enemy's schemes and saying, not in my house, not with my marriage, not with my sons and daughters. We're in a battle, but we don't fight with bitterness and blame. We fight with truth, with prayer.

with honor, with humility, and with the word. Let's be women who walk boldly in our calling and let men walk boldly in theirs. Remember, you are chosen, called, and set apart. And now go live that truth boldly and with joy. With joy, moms. With joy, wives. Because it is an honor.

It is a privilege. It is divine positioning for us to be in this role and we should treat it as such. Husbands, honor your wives and cherish them. Take back your role as man in your home and in this society and in this world because it is God's intended order for us.

And we see it all throughout the Bible. Stop letting the enemy trick us and lie to us and cause us to resent the very preciousness. Y'all remember in Genesis, when God said, be fruitful and multiply, y'all, he was not talking about planting no trees. Okay? Do you get what I'm saying? He was talking about building strong families. That's what he was talking about. and let's not allow the enemy to taint that any longer. I love you guys. Thanks for tuning in and I'll see you on the flip side.