Indie Artist Music Hustle

Spotting Subtle Signs Of Toxic Relationships Before They Spiral

• Host and Creator: Blonde Intelligence (Ms. Roni) • Season 4 • Episode 73

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Welcome to this week's Blonde Intelligence, I am your host Ms. Roni and I always seek to give you exquisite cranial repertoire. Red flags rarely arrive as flashing sirens—they tiptoe in as jokes that sting, plans that shift without warning, and friends you “should” see less. We dive into the anatomy of toxic dynamics and map how gaslighting, secrecy, and intermittent affection reshape your sense of self until the relationship sets the terms of your reality. Pulling examples from reality TV and everyday life, we unpack why hot-cold reinforcement is so addictive, how attachment styles fuel the chase, and what it takes to reclaim clarity when your peace keeps getting taxed.

I walk through practical tools that move beyond vague advice. You’ll hear how to set boundaries that name behaviors—like “do not check my phone without asking”—and how to use I statements to state needs without escalating blame. We talk through what healthy privacy looks like compared to secrecy that controls money, time, or information, and how to respond when transparency is refused. There’s space for tough truths too: if someone brags about “hitting below the belt,” that’s not passion, that’s a pattern that calls for skills, support, or separation.

You’ll get actionable steps for rebuilding a support network, documenting patterns to counter self-doubt, and working with therapy to break cycles of criticism and withdrawal. When control escalates, we outline safety planning, from storing vital documents to contacting local services. Most of all, we center a simple standard: if your peace is the price of admission, the relationship is too expensive. Listen to learn the signs, gather the words, and choose a path that protects your dignity and future.

If this resonated, follow the show, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a quick review—your voice helps others find the clarity they deserve.

@rroneice @BlondeIntelligence #BlondeIntelligence #BoundariesNotBarter #GaslightToGlowUp #PeaceOverPrice

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SPEAKER_01:

Learn about the indie artist from the indie artist.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm Shannon Key. I'm an artist. My name is Lauren, as you already said. I am a singer-songwriter. So I'm all femmes. I originally come from the Caribbean, St. Vincent, the Grenadines.

SPEAKER_02:

My name is Brian Dusev. I'm an East Coast Canadian rocker.

SPEAKER_01:

And then I found myself in Las Vegas, where I'm at currently, for dancing for Circle Du Soleil with my own solos. I also learned from music industry professionals.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm a music producer. I've been producing professionally for about 14 years. I have uh worked with a couple people in the industry. Uh Gregmy nominated, Trev Rich, Misha from 702.

SPEAKER_02:

After I got my deal with Universal Music, after the Alicia Keys and Gunner Record, and many other that I've done, and then Alicia Keys was the number one adult RB song of the year.

SPEAKER_01:

I asked the question.

SPEAKER_02:

That's a great question.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, it's a good question.

SPEAKER_02:

Ooh, uh, that is a good question. Wow. I love all these questions. These are great. Like most of the questions that I get are like, you know, tell me about Justin Bieber.

SPEAKER_01:

Indie Artist Music Hustle is for the indie artists, their fans, industry professionals, and the music lover. Subscribe on YouTube, Facebook, or the podcast on Apple, Spotify, Pandora, or Blonde Intelligence Facebook page. Don't forget to add me to your playlist. Bye. Really funny, especially hoping someone across the pond. Let's go. Welcome to this week's Blonde Intelligence. I'm your host, Miss Ronnie, and I always seek to give you exquisite cranial repertoire. This week I'm gonna talk a little bit about uh a subject that a couple of commentators that I like to listen to on YouTube talked about. And they were totally different but reverted back to the same subject, which was toxic relationships. So one of the commentators is a tarot reader by the name of Blue Nola Tarot. She was talking about Prishon and Blueface, and the other is a commentator by the name of Voodoo Doll TV, for which I've mentioned her before, and she talks about scenarios within reality TV and gives her comical take on it. But she was talking about Voodoo Doll TV was talking about um that she calls some of the women on Love and Hip Hop Miami La Dummy. And I know that the basis of love and hip hop is to showcase talent and the other side of being in love with someone in, I would say, the music industry, whether it's being the artist or whether it's being the mama, or because no word, a baby mama is just a lot. And Blue Nolatero was talking about the toxicity in Blueface and Krishan's relationship, and that she felt, and this was a reading that she done a while ago, that she referred back to in a current reading, that when he got out of jail that they would be together, and that um it would be short-lived, for which we see that it is now. But I was just wondering, do people even look at the subtle signs of a toxic relationship? And all the time it's not for TV in everyday life, partners do things to their partners, and sometimes it makes you wonder is that person in a relationship by themselves? Subtle signs of a toxic relationship often start small and can be easy to dismiss, but over time they steadily undermine a person's autonomy, self-esteem, and emotional safety. Psychologically, these signs include chronic criticism and gaslighting, emotional manipulation, boundary erosion, isolation from friends and family, and inconsistent affection. For example, let's look just use uh Krishna and and and Blueface. There's a lot of criticism on both sides, especially on Mad Day and a lot of gaslighting. And people don't think that emotional manipulation is a big thing. But if it tears on your peace of mind or disturbs your peace, then it's part of a toxic relationship. For example, a partner who repeatedly jokes about your choices in a way that makes you doubt yourself, then denies it when you bring it up, is engaging in gaslighting. Such as, I have, and I'm not being funny, but I have noticed this from black men. They'll mess with a woman and they'll be like, leave me alone, leave me alone. And they keep on, and when the woman gets mad, then it's like, I was just trying to get a rise out of you. I have always been one to say that if your rise is at my expense, then you might not need to do that because I'm good for walking off and leaving. Another common pattern is gradual isolation. A partner suggests that you spend less time with a friend because they know them better, which slowly cuts you off from support networks and increases dependencies. And I even think about um Mary J. Bly song, No More Crying. Mary J. Blige's song, no more crying. And she talked about how that man didn't want her around friends and family. And even with men, if they don't want you around their family. That's an issue too. So I just it's it's like classic things, but I think as as the Bible says the world gets more wickeder and wiser, people find more ways to just be evil to their partners for no reason. Especially when I see it on you know, on reality TV. But think about all the stories that people have that are not on reality TV. So the next one is secrecy. Secrecy can be a sign of toxicity depending on the context. Now, people have to have healthy boundaries and privacy, which is normal. But secrecy that serves control, deception, or emotional distancing is problematic. For instance, hiding financial transactions, lying about time spent with others, or deliberately withholding important information about major decisions or secrecy behaviors that indicate a lack of trust and respect. Psychologically, secrecy used to manipulate or conceal harmful behavior increases anxiety and uncertainty in the other partner, contributing to possible lowered self-worth. Psychological mechanisms, psychological mechanisms that sustain toxicity include cognitive distortion, which is constant negative feedback, which can become internalized, changing your own self-concept. Attachment dynamics, anxious or avoidant attachment styles can interact to produce cycles of blame and withdrawals. And I see that a lot in men. They'll get hurt when they're 16, 17 years old, and then try to carry, say they carry that out throughout their lives. And anytime that a serious relationship comes up or somebody being real with them, they want to run off and want to go play. So that right there is an avoidant attachment styles. Reinforcement schedules, intermittent positive attention, warmth, sometimes cold, sometimes hot, make it hard to leave because people hope for good moments to return. So when people say you have to uh outweigh the good, see if the good outweighs the bad. Sometimes people look for the good and want to ignore the bad. And I'm not one of those people. I feel like it is what it is. If you keep doing shit that I don't like and shit to hurt me, then I'm not finna stay around for you to keep doing it. That's just the bottom line. Learned helplessness, repeated failed attempts to change a partner's behavior can lead someone to accept mistreatment. So if you say it to, hey, I don't like when you do this right here, and you're gonna keep doing it after I done gave your ass another chance, then you asking to, as Ray say, hit the rope, Jack, and don't come back no more. Now, practical well, practical solutions and interventions. Now, when I used to be a parent educator, because I used to work with uh parents who are in risk of losing their children for child abuse and neglect. And we had something that we taught called I statements and you blaming statements. So if you're taking accountability for something, you don't start off with you, you, you. You start off with I. I feel like I don't like this. So establish clear boundaries, name specific behaviors that are unacceptable. Do not check my phone without asking. And state the consequences common. Use assertive communication, I statements to describe feelings and needs. I feel anxious when plans change without notice. I need us to agree on changes in advance. Seek external support, maintain friendships and family contacts, reconnecting with social support networks, reducing isolation and provide perspective. Couple therapy or individual therapy, a trained clinician can help identify maladaptive behaviors such as cycles of pursuit and withdrawal, and teach tools such as emotion regulation, cognitive restructuring, and a healthier conflict resolution. I dated a guy, we talked about when we would have disagreements. And I say I try to make it a conscious effort not to hit below the belt, because sometimes you can say things that you can't come back from. And he said, Well, I hit below the belt. And I was like, Do you think that's the right thing to do? And he was like, At the time, I don't care. Okay. In that situation, he needs to look for a healthier conflict resolution. And if you feel like that you gotta hit below the belt with people that you love, it's a problem. Safety planning. If secrecy or control and behavior escalates to stalking, financial control, or physical threats, develop a safety plan and contact local support services or authorities. I know a girl that every time she tells her boyfriend that she's gonna leave because she's been thinking about it for years, he'll say stuff to her like, I guess you want to get your ass beat first. I don't understand why people think that you're just gonna allow that to happen. So, examples to illustrate application. Case A. Leah's partner frequently belittles her choices about university, but frames comments as helpful advice. Leah starts doubting her academic goals, interventive. Leah documents instances, discusses feelings with a counselor, and sets a boundary that such commentary is not acceptable. If it continues, she reduces shared decision making and seeks couple therapy. Now, I've seen this before. I used to work with somebody that had a friend that would always say, You need to listen to me. I'm just trying to give you some helpful advice on what you don't need to trust. I'm just trying to lead you in the right direction. And I told him, I said, he just wanna keep you where he is. He don't want you to grow without him. But I'm a very straightforward person, so coming from me, you know, it wasn't fully accepted in the way that I was trying to give helpful information. But hopefully now that person C, because I'm gonna leave that at that. Case B, secrecy with financial control. Sam's partner makes large purchases without telling Sam and has joint account statements. This secrecy undermines Sam's financial autonomy. Intervention. Sam insists on transparent access to accounts, seeks financial counseling, and places short-term limits on joint spending while considering separation if secrecy persists. And I don't know if people understand the thing about secrecy. Secrecy is lying. You're withholding information. If you were in the court of law, that would be a crime. So I don't see why people feel like it's alright to do it in a relationship, especially if direct questions are being asked to you. I don't like secrecy. For me, secrecy is deceptive and it's grounds for termination. That's just me. Some people can go back and forgive some things. I know sometimes people be want to believe the good, as I said earlier, and well, maybe it was this, and and maybe he didn't tell me because of this. No. You know exactly what you was doing. It's not a damn thing that you can say about it, especially when you know that you're doing stuff that the other person won't like. You can't like that person and want to be in a relationship with them if you're gonna do shit that you know they're not gonna like. And men do it a lot, especially when they think that they throwing a little change or they paying a card note or they taking care of this. And that's the reason why I have always been the type of woman that like to make my own money and not have to ask nobody for shit. Because I am not gonna kiss your ass to get along with your face. And that's all that I have for you today. And remember, you can catch Blonde Intelligence on our podcasting platform, streaming live on social media sometimes, and you can catch your merch and anything about blonde intelligence on the website at www.blonde-intelligence.com. And I will see you all next week. Bye.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey girl, let me tell you about this podcast. Girl, everybody has a podcast these days. But this one interviews new and interesting indie artists. It's called Indie Artist Music Hustle with Blonde Intelligence. Really? Where can I find it? It's on all podcasting platforms, streams live on social media and on rpentradio.com. What'd you say it was called again? It's called Indie Artist Music Hustle with Blonde Intelligence. Girl, I'm gonna have to check her out. Give it a check, girl.