1 00:00:03,024 --> 00:00:06,028 Speaker 2: This is the Rebel HR podcast, the podcast about all 2 00:00:06,149 --> 00:00:08,131 things innovation in the people's space. 3 00:00:08,131 --> 00:00:09,614 I'm Kyle Rode. 4 00:00:09,614 --> 00:00:10,595 Let's start the show. 5 00:00:10,595 --> 00:00:16,600 Welcome back, rebel HR community. 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:17,882 This is going to be a fun one. 7 00:00:17,882 --> 00:00:19,882 Today with us we have Chad Foster. 8 00:00:19,882 --> 00:00:23,564 Chad is an international keynote speaker, bestselling 9 00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:24,844 author and entrepreneur. 10 00:00:24,844 --> 00:00:29,687 His book is Blind Ambition and we are going to be talking all 11 00:00:29,727 --> 00:00:30,367 about it today. 12 00:00:30,367 --> 00:00:32,249 Welcome to the podcast, chad. 13 00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:33,448 Speaker 1: Thanks for having me. 14 00:00:33,448 --> 00:00:35,450 I appreciate the opportunity to have a conversation. 15 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,551 Speaker 2: Well, I'm super excited to have you as well. 16 00:00:38,551 --> 00:00:44,354 You know, I get a lot of pitches for guests, and when I 17 00:00:44,395 --> 00:00:49,417 got your information and heard that you were interested to talk 18 00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:59,304 to us, I jumped at the chance, and so I'd love to dig into you 19 00:00:59,323 --> 00:01:01,490 and your story and what you're all about. 20 00:01:01,509 --> 00:01:04,576 Speaker 1: But the first question I have here is what 21 00:01:04,637 --> 00:01:05,719 motivated you to write a book. 22 00:01:05,719 --> 00:01:09,003 What motivated you to write a book? 23 00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:10,368 Well, you know, I'd always had the idea that writing a book 24 00:01:10,409 --> 00:01:10,992 would something I need to do. 25 00:01:10,992 --> 00:01:11,896 I think a lot of people have that idea. 26 00:01:11,896 --> 00:01:13,100 I should probably write a book. 27 00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:17,013 But then, you know, I had a moment when I was at business 28 00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:21,444 school that I realized there was so much opportunity that I had 29 00:01:21,524 --> 00:01:24,308 to help other people with the lessons that I've learned. 30 00:01:24,308 --> 00:01:28,814 And it happened when I was elected as my graduating speaker 31 00:01:28,814 --> 00:01:31,983 of my class when I was at business school and I saw how 32 00:01:32,024 --> 00:01:34,730 much I could help people just by sharing a little bit of my 33 00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:35,132 journey. 34 00:01:35,132 --> 00:01:37,789 And that was just 12 minutes of my journey. 35 00:01:37,789 --> 00:01:41,810 I had a bit of a unique story, you know, having gone blind 36 00:01:41,890 --> 00:01:44,355 earlier in my life and coming out of that better off than 37 00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:44,680 before. 38 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:48,427 And when I gave my little graduation talk when I was at 39 00:01:48,468 --> 00:01:52,102 Harvard Business School, it it blew people away and that that 40 00:01:52,121 --> 00:01:52,804 blew me away. 41 00:01:53,204 --> 00:01:58,378 Honestly, it made me reevaluate what I'd been doing in terms of 42 00:01:58,438 --> 00:01:59,180 telling my story. 43 00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:02,409 I'd never really done that before and I saw how much I 44 00:02:02,448 --> 00:02:05,721 could help other people done that before. 45 00:02:05,721 --> 00:02:07,186 And I saw how much I could help other people if I were to just 46 00:02:07,206 --> 00:02:08,531 take a little bit of time and share some of my story and the 47 00:02:08,550 --> 00:02:11,441 lessons that I've learned and the mindset shifts that I had to 48 00:02:11,441 --> 00:02:15,568 make as a byproduct of going blind at 21 years old. 49 00:02:15,568 --> 00:02:19,383 And that's why I started writing the book and also, a 50 00:02:20,024 --> 00:02:23,230 little bit selfishly too, I wanted something for my kids to 51 00:02:23,290 --> 00:02:26,087 have, just in case who knows, for them to get a little bit of 52 00:02:26,128 --> 00:02:29,443 a blueprint of hey, how did dad go through all this and come out 53 00:02:29,443 --> 00:02:31,449 in one piece and even better off than before. 54 00:02:31,449 --> 00:02:34,830 But if I help a few people along the way, you know, even 55 00:02:34,870 --> 00:02:35,390 better off. 56 00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:39,531 So that was the motivator a few years ago when Blind Ambition 57 00:02:39,591 --> 00:02:39,991 came out. 58 00:02:39,991 --> 00:02:43,929 I'm excited to get it out there and really thrilled by the fact 59 00:02:43,929 --> 00:02:45,673 that it's been so well received by everyone. 60 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:47,281 Speaker 2: Absolutely. 61 00:02:47,281 --> 00:02:51,830 And I, you know, I think it's, it's, it's really a powerful, 62 00:02:52,010 --> 00:02:53,033 powerful story. 63 00:02:53,033 --> 00:02:56,606 You know your story, and you know, I mean you know. 64 00:02:56,606 --> 00:03:01,764 One word comes to mind is you know, badass, like you know 65 00:03:02,025 --> 00:03:04,151 you've, you've overcome a lot. 66 00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,889 You know you've done what people said couldn't be done. 67 00:03:06,889 --> 00:03:11,347 And you know, you know, all through it, you know you've, 68 00:03:11,507 --> 00:03:14,293 you've, you've done some really cool stuff too. 69 00:03:14,293 --> 00:03:18,045 So you know, I I'm fascinated to. 70 00:03:18,045 --> 00:03:22,612 My first question is you know you're, you're clearly an 71 00:03:22,712 --> 00:03:23,655 ambitious guy. 72 00:03:23,655 --> 00:03:25,586 Where does that fire come from? 73 00:03:29,945 --> 00:03:31,058 Speaker 1: You know it's a good question. 74 00:03:31,058 --> 00:03:37,853 I think part of it's from you know, just deep down inside of 75 00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:41,207 me, part of it's probably from my dad. 76 00:03:41,207 --> 00:03:43,747 You know he was an ambitious guy. 77 00:03:43,747 --> 00:03:51,905 Probably from my dad you know he was an ambitious guy and I 78 00:03:51,925 --> 00:03:53,930 think maybe more so than I'd like to admit is from the 79 00:03:53,949 --> 00:03:54,151 doubters. 80 00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:54,451 I've had. 81 00:03:54,512 --> 00:03:55,794 So many people doubt me. 82 00:03:55,794 --> 00:03:59,143 You know, when I was going blind and what could be done and 83 00:03:59,143 --> 00:04:03,614 I was, this kid grew up in a small country town and not 84 00:04:03,694 --> 00:04:05,519 country town, but it was pretty rural. 85 00:04:05,519 --> 00:04:10,752 Right, it was suburbia, but it was suburbia Knoxville. 86 00:04:10,752 --> 00:04:15,348 And so you know, not a lot of expectations were being put on 87 00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:20,665 me because I was going through this situation, going blind, and 88 00:04:20,665 --> 00:04:23,303 some people don't like that, you know they needed the people 89 00:04:23,343 --> 00:04:25,564 to believe in them and certainly it would have been great if 90 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:26,829 everybody would have believed in me. 91 00:04:26,829 --> 00:04:28,105 But I used it as fuel. 92 00:04:29,961 --> 00:04:31,807 People ask me do you have a chip on your shoulder? 93 00:04:31,807 --> 00:04:32,884 Yeah, actually I do. 94 00:04:32,884 --> 00:04:37,841 I do, and it's not because I want to prove you wrong, as much 95 00:04:37,841 --> 00:04:40,663 as I want to prove me right, and that has been. 96 00:04:40,663 --> 00:04:44,783 My burning desire is to make sure that I get the absolute 97 00:04:44,863 --> 00:04:49,593 most out of this one shot at life that, as far as I know, is 98 00:04:49,612 --> 00:04:50,394 the only one we get. 99 00:04:50,394 --> 00:04:52,562 So how do I make the most of it ? 100 00:04:52,562 --> 00:04:56,646 And that involves really trying to push my limits and try and 101 00:04:57,307 --> 00:05:01,033 figure out not only what's possible, what do I think is 102 00:05:01,132 --> 00:05:03,435 possible and what really is possible. 103 00:05:03,435 --> 00:05:06,338 How can we redefine what's possible? 104 00:05:06,338 --> 00:05:09,728 Just because somebody else said something is impossible doesn't 105 00:05:09,728 --> 00:05:10,430 mean it's true. 106 00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:11,994 So that's what you know. 107 00:05:11,994 --> 00:05:14,245 That's what a lot of my life has been is just trying to 108 00:05:14,286 --> 00:05:16,411 figure out how I can redefine what's possible. 109 00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:19,807 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love that and I think you know it's. 110 00:05:19,807 --> 00:05:23,583 You know, yeah, it might be, it might be a little bit of fuel, 111 00:05:23,642 --> 00:05:25,526 but you know, what it sounds like to me is it's almost like 112 00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:29,937 you took, you took the doubts or you know the, you know, maybe 113 00:05:29,976 --> 00:05:32,807 the, the questions that people were asking, and you use, you 114 00:05:32,887 --> 00:05:36,882 reframed it into something, that , that that motivated you to go, 115 00:05:36,882 --> 00:05:41,848 you know, do some excellent things Um it, and I, you know, I 116 00:05:41,848 --> 00:05:45,254 think that so much of this is around mindset right and and you 117 00:05:45,254 --> 00:05:48,918 know, I think that so much of this is around mindset right. 118 00:05:48,918 --> 00:06:03,461 Oh yeah, and you know, I guess, for those of us that are, you 119 00:06:03,358 --> 00:06:04,100 know, listening to this and are maybe a little bit, you know, 120 00:06:03,999 --> 00:06:05,583 beat down or looking for you know, some hope or some, you 121 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:06,365 know, resilience, what advice would you give us as we're 122 00:06:06,264 --> 00:06:08,266 trying to figure out, you know, how do we get into that right 123 00:06:08,305 --> 00:06:08,747 mindset? 124 00:06:08,747 --> 00:06:13,483 How do we, how do we let this be fuel versus fire that burns 125 00:06:13,545 --> 00:06:13,824 us up? 126 00:06:15,348 --> 00:06:17,793 Speaker 1: It's a great question , and the good news, the good 127 00:06:17,853 --> 00:06:20,343 news is it's entirely within your control. 128 00:06:20,343 --> 00:06:25,492 It's simply how you attach yourself to circumstances that 129 00:06:25,533 --> 00:06:28,446 are beyond your control, and so anytime you're dealing with a 130 00:06:28,485 --> 00:06:32,319 situation, you've got things that are inside your sphere of 131 00:06:32,379 --> 00:06:34,706 influence, things you can control and things that you 132 00:06:34,745 --> 00:06:35,588 cannot control. 133 00:06:35,588 --> 00:06:39,024 And for me, the thing that I could not control was the simple 134 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:42,952 fact that I was going blind in my late teens to early 20s. 135 00:06:42,952 --> 00:06:47,461 Nothing I could say or do would change the fact that I was 136 00:06:47,521 --> 00:06:50,670 going from living a life where I was driving a car and playing 137 00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:55,329 sports and doing all the things that most young men do, to 138 00:06:55,370 --> 00:06:59,781 suddenly being faced with the stark reality that I was going 139 00:06:59,843 --> 00:07:04,134 totally and completely blind and I would never see again. 140 00:07:04,134 --> 00:07:07,545 And you know that was a pretty challenging time, and so I 141 00:07:07,584 --> 00:07:11,778 figured out over the course of time that I had to learn how to 142 00:07:11,819 --> 00:07:14,625 tell myself better stories about my circumstances. 143 00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:17,882 So you don't get to choose all of the facts of the situation 144 00:07:17,983 --> 00:07:19,045 you find yourself in. 145 00:07:19,045 --> 00:07:20,230 None of us do. 146 00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:23,500 None of us get to choose all the cards that were dealt in 147 00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:28,463 life, but you alone get to choose how you play your cards, 148 00:07:28,524 --> 00:07:29,565 and so I had to figure out. 149 00:07:29,565 --> 00:07:33,141 Number one okay, I've got to exercise the power of choice. 150 00:07:33,141 --> 00:07:38,071 Number two I've got to learn to tell myself the right stories, 151 00:07:38,151 --> 00:07:39,560 because I will become my stories . 152 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,564 You will become your stories. 153 00:07:40,564 --> 00:07:42,509 We all become our stories, so you have to make sure you choose 154 00:07:42,509 --> 00:07:43,011 those stories wisely. 155 00:07:43,011 --> 00:07:46,141 We all become our stories, so you have to make sure you choose 156 00:07:46,141 --> 00:07:47,142 those stories wisely. 157 00:07:47,142 --> 00:07:51,012 Now you can sit around and tell yourself stories that keep you 158 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:54,807 trapped in a victim mindset, or you can choose stories that 159 00:07:54,867 --> 00:07:58,583 empower you to bounce back with a visionary mindset, and the 160 00:07:58,622 --> 00:08:01,911 beauty of it is the facts don't have to change. 161 00:08:01,911 --> 00:08:05,124 It's the way that you attach yourself to those circumstances, 162 00:08:05,124 --> 00:08:08,690 the stories that you tell yourself that will determine 163 00:08:08,750 --> 00:08:11,516 whether or not you're approaching it with the mindset 164 00:08:11,536 --> 00:08:15,963 of a victim or the mindset of a visionary, and so recognizing 165 00:08:16,004 --> 00:08:18,951 that you do have the choice, exercising that choice telling 166 00:08:18,990 --> 00:08:20,233 yourself the right stories. 167 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,766 Third thing that's really important is visualizing 168 00:08:23,867 --> 00:08:28,045 greatness, and sometimes we have to visualize greatness even in 169 00:08:28,105 --> 00:08:29,588 unfavorable circumstances. 170 00:08:29,588 --> 00:08:33,784 I had to figure out how to make blind look good, and I know 171 00:08:33,804 --> 00:08:36,279 that's like a little tongue in cheek and it's by design a 172 00:08:36,299 --> 00:08:37,182 little tongue in cheek. 173 00:08:37,182 --> 00:08:41,037 But if you can never reimagine greatness, even in your 174 00:08:41,138 --> 00:08:43,943 unfavorable circumstances, how can you ever move towards 175 00:08:44,004 --> 00:08:47,091 acceptance of those circumstances, let alone 176 00:08:47,211 --> 00:08:48,974 thriving in those circumstances? 177 00:08:48,974 --> 00:08:51,969 And so we have to visualize greatness and things that we 178 00:08:52,028 --> 00:08:52,791 can't control. 179 00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:55,405 How are we attaching ourselves to those things? 180 00:08:55,405 --> 00:08:57,110 What are the stories we're telling ourselves? 181 00:08:57,110 --> 00:09:00,149 How do we make them work for us instead of against us? 182 00:09:00,259 --> 00:09:04,807 And you know, the other thing that's really important is 183 00:09:04,908 --> 00:09:08,674 realizing that at some point mindset has to meet action. 184 00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:11,707 So you can have the right mindset, but at some point 185 00:09:11,727 --> 00:09:12,910 you've got to face your fears. 186 00:09:12,910 --> 00:09:17,149 You've got to do the hard work and you've got to lean into the 187 00:09:17,230 --> 00:09:18,432 uncomfortableness of it. 188 00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:20,649 I call it getting comfortable with discomfort. 189 00:09:20,649 --> 00:09:24,154 It's really where growth and innovation take place, because 190 00:09:24,215 --> 00:09:28,025 if you're never getting outside of your comfort zone, then 191 00:09:28,046 --> 00:09:28,767 you'll never grow. 192 00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:32,361 It's you know, comfort zones to me are another word for 193 00:09:32,402 --> 00:09:36,691 complacency, and so no growth, no innovation ever comes out of 194 00:09:37,212 --> 00:09:38,260 people's comfort zones. 195 00:09:38,260 --> 00:09:40,282 And so how do you do things? 196 00:09:40,282 --> 00:09:45,486 What do you do regularly to keep yourself out of your 197 00:09:45,527 --> 00:09:49,509 comfort zone, so that you can continue to try new things, to 198 00:09:49,570 --> 00:09:53,313 experiment, to find creative ways of doing things, to have 199 00:09:53,354 --> 00:09:57,236 that innovation mindset, so that you can continue to grow over 200 00:09:57,277 --> 00:09:57,557 time? 201 00:10:00,159 --> 00:10:01,684 Speaker 2: Absolutely, and you know, I think it's. 202 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:12,024 It makes sense that the comfort zone doesn't drive innovation, 203 00:10:13,152 --> 00:10:15,960 but so often we're driven to that as humans. 204 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:23,056 Right Like inertia is really powerful, right Like you just, 205 00:10:23,076 --> 00:10:25,341 oh well, I really should learn how to go do that. 206 00:10:25,341 --> 00:10:28,039 But I'll start tomorrow because you know, yeah, today's hard, 207 00:10:28,301 --> 00:10:30,107 today's hard, today was a hard day. 208 00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:30,669 I'm not going to do it. 209 00:10:30,669 --> 00:10:35,215 So you know, it's really. 210 00:10:35,215 --> 00:10:35,615 You know. 211 00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:39,159 First of all, I just want to say you know a really inspirational 212 00:10:39,159 --> 00:10:42,384 story to hear how you've reframed something that I think 213 00:10:42,565 --> 00:10:46,769 anybody would say was potentially traumatic, right, 214 00:10:46,789 --> 00:10:48,139 losing your eyesight as a young man, looking at traumatic right, 215 00:10:48,139 --> 00:10:50,051 losing your, losing your eyesight as a young man looking 216 00:10:50,091 --> 00:10:56,042 at adulthood, right, um, but you turned it into into, uh, dare I 217 00:10:56,042 --> 00:10:59,453 say, almost almost a gift, yeah , right, and now you're using 218 00:10:59,494 --> 00:11:02,461 that to to help other other people overcome that. 219 00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:06,797 So, yeah, that that's a mental model that I think many people 220 00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:10,563 wish that they had, but just, quite frankly, don't. 221 00:11:10,563 --> 00:11:15,052 So for those of us, and myself included, that maybe struggle 222 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:19,836 with this kind of this day-to-day inertia and this 223 00:11:20,556 --> 00:11:24,058 tendency to fall into a comfort zone, what advice would you have 224 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:29,042 for us to kind of step outside of that, and how do we start to 225 00:11:29,121 --> 00:11:32,844 build that kind of that muscle memory or that mental model, so 226 00:11:32,884 --> 00:11:37,548 that our comfort zone actually becomes finding this area of 227 00:11:37,587 --> 00:11:37,888 growth? 228 00:11:39,370 --> 00:11:39,692 Speaker 1: For me. 229 00:11:39,692 --> 00:11:40,475 I do something. 230 00:11:40,475 --> 00:11:46,600 I'm a little, maybe a little bit unusual at this point. 231 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:52,990 I guess my life has been such an experiment of living outside 232 00:11:53,030 --> 00:11:53,933 of my comfort zone. 233 00:11:53,933 --> 00:11:57,623 Everything in my life has been uncomfortable for a long time. 234 00:11:57,623 --> 00:12:02,600 You know, going blind, not so comfortable, bumping into stuff, 235 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:07,500 hitting myself on you know, an object, a pipe, whatever. 236 00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:11,173 You know I was at the hospital so much they questioned both me 237 00:12:11,214 --> 00:12:13,740 and my parents in separate rooms because they thought they were 238 00:12:13,779 --> 00:12:14,381 abusing me. 239 00:12:14,381 --> 00:12:17,956 We pretty much had our own parking spot there when I was a 240 00:12:18,017 --> 00:12:18,337 kid. 241 00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:22,433 And then going totally blind, getting a dog and walking into 242 00:12:22,514 --> 00:12:25,020 university classrooms not very comfortable. 243 00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:28,980 And so you do all these things and go into job interviews and 244 00:12:29,029 --> 00:12:32,244 boardrooms and travel all over the world Just me and a seeing 245 00:12:32,364 --> 00:12:33,769 eye dog's pretty uncomfortable. 246 00:12:33,769 --> 00:12:39,240 And so now I've just continued to edge out of my comfort zone. 247 00:12:39,260 --> 00:12:41,772 At 38 years old I thought it'd be a good idea to learn how to 248 00:12:41,812 --> 00:12:42,573 downhill ski. 249 00:12:42,573 --> 00:12:47,355 So now you know, we regularly go and ski black and sometimes 250 00:12:47,417 --> 00:12:48,309 double black diamonds. 251 00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,914 And I train. 252 00:12:49,914 --> 00:12:52,221 I started training Brazilian jiu-jitsu three years ago. 253 00:12:52,221 --> 00:12:58,376 I've got my purple belt about six months ago and that, to me, 254 00:12:58,456 --> 00:13:00,261 is how I feed my discomfort. 255 00:13:00,261 --> 00:13:03,951 That I think I need is because few things are more 256 00:13:04,111 --> 00:13:06,799 uncomfortable than having a 250 pound black belt. 257 00:13:06,799 --> 00:13:07,662 Try and choke you out. 258 00:13:09,691 --> 00:13:11,275 Speaker 2: Can't say I've done that personally. 259 00:13:11,275 --> 00:13:12,519 I missed out on that one. 260 00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:16,198 Speaker 1: It's a pretty good way to get comfortable with 261 00:13:16,239 --> 00:13:19,118 discomfort, because let me tell you, the first time you compete 262 00:13:19,177 --> 00:13:22,255 in a tournament and you know that people are trying to take 263 00:13:22,297 --> 00:13:25,794 your arm home with them, everything else you look at in 264 00:13:25,894 --> 00:13:28,892 life that you're fearful of kind of pales in comparison. 265 00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:33,221 And so, yeah, I would say my advice would be to start 266 00:13:33,321 --> 00:13:35,451 relatively small, with the discomfort. 267 00:13:35,451 --> 00:13:38,057 Now, while I do think we all need bold visions of greatness 268 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:42,375 that inspire us to take action, you do want this big, scary, 269 00:13:42,696 --> 00:13:46,583 daring vision of greatness for yourself, your career, your team 270 00:13:46,583 --> 00:13:47,432 , your organization. 271 00:13:47,432 --> 00:13:50,724 But at the same time, your first step outside of that 272 00:13:50,803 --> 00:13:52,370 should not be big, bold and scary. 273 00:13:52,370 --> 00:13:59,063 It should be incremental, uncomfortable, but also doable. 274 00:13:59,470 --> 00:14:02,336 You know, and what happens over time is that you start to 275 00:14:02,397 --> 00:14:05,990 realize that you're capable of more than you thought, and you 276 00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:09,177 do that by demonstrating to yourself these small successes 277 00:14:09,297 --> 00:14:09,817 over time. 278 00:14:09,817 --> 00:14:12,724 And you know, these small successes breed confidence and 279 00:14:12,809 --> 00:14:16,539 confidence creates more action and it's the action that creates 280 00:14:16,539 --> 00:14:17,322 the outcomes. 281 00:14:17,322 --> 00:14:21,158 But you start stacking those together over time and those 282 00:14:21,258 --> 00:14:25,293 tiny little wins just start piling up and before you know it 283 00:14:25,293 --> 00:14:25,835 you've moved. 284 00:14:25,835 --> 00:14:29,532 You know, look at where I was 25 years ago with the poor me, 285 00:14:29,572 --> 00:14:30,455 victim mentality. 286 00:14:30,455 --> 00:14:33,145 Wasn't sure how I was going to even get out of college. 287 00:14:33,145 --> 00:14:38,178 And now here I am, 25 years removed from that, living a life 288 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,091 I could have never imagined, like you said, with this 289 00:14:40,191 --> 00:14:43,325 beautiful gift of blindness that came disguised in some really 290 00:14:43,426 --> 00:14:44,309 ugly wrapping paper. 291 00:14:44,309 --> 00:14:46,741 And that potential is there for all of us. 292 00:14:46,741 --> 00:14:50,654 It's there for you, if you're able to have the right mindset. 293 00:14:50,654 --> 00:14:52,941 Show up, do the work and continue to lean into the 294 00:14:52,961 --> 00:14:58,342 discomfort yeah, yeah, I, I just I just love that that 295 00:14:58,383 --> 00:14:58,884 perspective. 296 00:14:58,965 --> 00:15:01,351 Speaker 2: I gotta ask were you just like sitting on the couch 297 00:15:01,412 --> 00:15:04,179 one day and you're like I really want to go learn brazilian jiu 298 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:04,660 jitsu? 299 00:15:04,660 --> 00:15:08,320 Like what was the decision tree for you to go do that? 300 00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:09,231 I'm just curious. 301 00:15:09,994 --> 00:15:13,884 Speaker 1: Well, honestly, it started off in a pretty good 302 00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:14,346 place. 303 00:15:14,346 --> 00:15:17,716 It was, you know, I wanted to spend time with my kids because 304 00:15:17,755 --> 00:15:19,941 I can't teach them how to shoot a jump shot anymore. 305 00:15:19,941 --> 00:15:22,880 I used to play a little bit of basketball back in the day, but 306 00:15:22,921 --> 00:15:25,451 my jump shot is not nearly as good as it used to be, being 307 00:15:25,511 --> 00:15:26,214 totally blind. 308 00:15:26,214 --> 00:15:30,075 I wanted something to do with the kids, and I can't teach them 309 00:15:30,075 --> 00:15:32,740 how to shoot a jump shot anymore, but I can teach them 310 00:15:33,142 --> 00:15:34,312 how to defend themselves. 311 00:15:34,312 --> 00:15:38,541 And so we all enrolled in Brazilian jiu-jitsu and we 312 00:15:38,581 --> 00:15:41,053 started taking that and I just wanted something to share with 313 00:15:41,094 --> 00:15:42,017 them, some activity. 314 00:15:42,017 --> 00:15:44,932 And so now we'll go down to the basement, we'll have a 315 00:15:44,971 --> 00:15:48,581 self-defense day and we'll do some technique and we can share 316 00:15:48,620 --> 00:15:48,902 in that. 317 00:15:48,902 --> 00:15:53,238 And, honestly, nothing makes me happier or prouder than when 318 00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:57,206 our two kids pile on me in the kitchen floor like both of them 319 00:15:57,246 --> 00:15:58,830 trying to choke me out from different angles. 320 00:15:58,970 --> 00:15:59,331 It's a. 321 00:15:59,331 --> 00:16:00,153 It's a. 322 00:16:00,153 --> 00:16:03,078 It's a pretty cool thing, but I I got into it because of them 323 00:16:03,139 --> 00:16:05,812 and to spend some time with them , and I ended up getting hooked 324 00:16:05,913 --> 00:16:08,179 on it, so it's pretty addictive. 325 00:16:08,179 --> 00:16:10,076 Actually, it's a lot of fun. 326 00:16:10,076 --> 00:16:13,754 It's like playing chess with your body, you know dealing with 327 00:16:13,754 --> 00:16:17,370 other competitors, and it's hard to really put into words 328 00:16:17,470 --> 00:16:20,698 the camaraderie that you build with people when you train, 329 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:24,365 going up to the line of injury, so close every day, and the 330 00:16:24,407 --> 00:16:27,559 respect and you know the love that you have for the people who 331 00:16:27,559 --> 00:16:28,812 are pushing you to be better. 332 00:16:28,812 --> 00:16:31,599 Because you know, iron sharpens iron and it's. 333 00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:34,712 It's hard, it's not for the faint of heart, it's hard, but 334 00:16:34,732 --> 00:16:37,500 you learn that you're capable of more than you thought and it 335 00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:39,732 teaches you, teaches you a lot. 336 00:16:39,812 --> 00:16:42,960 Actually, it's a great metaphor for life, because a lot of 337 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,202 people get scared. 338 00:16:44,202 --> 00:16:44,791 And what do they do? 339 00:16:44,791 --> 00:16:46,273 They want to run away from the fear. 340 00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:47,815 Well, jujitsu teaches you. 341 00:16:47,815 --> 00:16:50,099 You actually need to move towards the fear. 342 00:16:50,099 --> 00:16:54,831 You need to lay down in the fear, settle into the terror. 343 00:16:54,831 --> 00:16:59,403 Just, you know, get really comfortable and relaxed when 344 00:16:59,442 --> 00:17:03,653 you're scared, which is a really hard thing to do at first, but 345 00:17:03,914 --> 00:17:07,342 it teaches you over time how to do that, and so that's a good 346 00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:07,823 thing. 347 00:17:07,823 --> 00:17:10,192 Whether or not you're fighting somebody, you know. 348 00:17:10,192 --> 00:17:13,781 Something at work or something in your personal life may feel 349 00:17:13,829 --> 00:17:17,018 like it's got you in a tight spot, but if you learn how to 350 00:17:17,057 --> 00:17:21,015 control your mindset, control your breathing, stay calm, look 351 00:17:21,035 --> 00:17:22,798 for the way out of the bad situation. 352 00:17:22,798 --> 00:17:26,192 You know, then you'll find that it helps you not just on the 353 00:17:26,231 --> 00:17:27,634 mat but everywhere in life. 354 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:31,621 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I think it's fascinating and I think 355 00:17:31,641 --> 00:17:35,573 this is kind of an element of many martial arts is so much of 356 00:17:35,613 --> 00:17:37,880 this is also about mental strength, right? 357 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,906 Like you said, it's like chess. 358 00:17:39,906 --> 00:17:43,817 It's not about being big and strong and punching somebody in 359 00:17:43,836 --> 00:17:45,721 the face harder than somebody else, right? 360 00:17:45,721 --> 00:17:48,297 You know, it's actually the opposite of that of that right. 361 00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:51,487 It's around using somebody else's like aggression and lack 362 00:17:51,527 --> 00:17:55,355 of mental strength against them to to win right, which I know 363 00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:59,324 that I think you know beat bjj is like, like just to me it's 364 00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:00,291 fascinating and I love. 365 00:18:00,291 --> 00:18:03,460 I love the tenets of it because I think I think so much of it 366 00:18:03,580 --> 00:18:03,820 does. 367 00:18:03,820 --> 00:18:05,854 It's like it's principles for life. 368 00:18:05,993 --> 00:18:09,913 It's not just about like beating people right, and so you know, 369 00:18:09,992 --> 00:18:12,459 to me it's, it's fascinating that you somebody who's you know 370 00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:17,115 , kind of working on the, the journey of mental mastery, you 371 00:18:17,135 --> 00:18:20,122 know it chose chose this as one of the sports that that you 372 00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:20,730 wanted to do. 373 00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:24,199 So I'm not overly surprised, other than I've got to believe 374 00:18:24,219 --> 00:18:27,173 it's a little bit challenging to not see that's that is a. 375 00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:31,603 That is probably a little bit interesting to do, this martial 376 00:18:31,663 --> 00:18:31,762 art. 377 00:18:32,849 --> 00:18:33,590 Speaker 1: Well, there are. 378 00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:38,039 I will say I am the only person at the academy where I train. 379 00:18:38,039 --> 00:18:38,721 Who's blind? 380 00:18:39,462 --> 00:18:39,884 Speaker 2: Yeah. 381 00:18:39,903 --> 00:18:40,952 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'll. 382 00:18:40,952 --> 00:18:42,441 I'll tell people you know cause I'm. 383 00:18:42,441 --> 00:18:45,593 I roll with people from all different skills and I'll kind 384 00:18:45,613 --> 00:18:46,074 of joke. 385 00:18:46,074 --> 00:18:48,979 You know I'll get like you know somebody who's newish or 386 00:18:48,999 --> 00:18:49,299 whatever. 387 00:18:49,299 --> 00:18:51,983 I'm like, don't worry, I'm just a poor, helpless, blind guy. 388 00:18:53,953 --> 00:18:54,375 Speaker 2: Let's go. 389 00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:57,303 And then you proceed to show them what's up. 390 00:18:58,792 --> 00:19:00,096 Speaker 1: Yeah, that can't happen. 391 00:19:00,096 --> 00:19:00,817 That can't happen. 392 00:19:00,817 --> 00:19:02,200 It's one of those things. 393 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,041 It's all hands on. 394 00:19:03,102 --> 00:19:06,615 If I were in a martial art that involved a bunch of striking, 395 00:19:07,115 --> 00:19:09,659 obviously it wouldn't work out well for me, being a kickboxer, 396 00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:10,901 as an example. 397 00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:21,057 But grappling is entirely hands-on and so in some ways 398 00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,357 it's perfect to be able to do that. 399 00:19:22,357 --> 00:19:25,882 You know all the things I said about fear and comfort zones, 400 00:19:25,942 --> 00:19:29,724 but also you know, if you're the kind of person who maybe you're 401 00:19:29,724 --> 00:19:32,913 talented or you do well at school, or you know you've got 402 00:19:32,953 --> 00:19:36,207 some athletic gift and you show up on the whatever football 403 00:19:36,247 --> 00:19:38,775 field or soccer field or whatever and you can dominate, 404 00:19:39,155 --> 00:19:40,318 hey, that's great for you there. 405 00:19:40,318 --> 00:19:42,913 But let me tell you, you show up on the mat and train jujitsu. 406 00:19:42,913 --> 00:19:46,538 I don't really care how athletic you are or how flexible 407 00:19:46,538 --> 00:19:49,903 you are, you're going to get a big helping of some humble pie, 408 00:19:50,144 --> 00:19:53,980 a lot of it, and so it teaches you humility. 409 00:19:53,980 --> 00:19:57,661 It teaches you that greatness doesn't happen overnight. 410 00:19:57,661 --> 00:20:01,282 It teaches you that greatness is accomplished with hard work, 411 00:20:01,403 --> 00:20:05,230 consistent dedication, respect for the people around you, and 412 00:20:05,290 --> 00:20:07,555 it's as much about getting the people around you better as it 413 00:20:07,615 --> 00:20:11,080 is about getting yourself better , which is kind of remarkable, 414 00:20:11,201 --> 00:20:15,054 and you know this having my kids realize that, hey, you know, 415 00:20:15,213 --> 00:20:19,482 it's not about having the instant YouTube viral video or 416 00:20:19,923 --> 00:20:21,531 being a 22 year old CEO. 417 00:20:21,531 --> 00:20:24,454 No, it's about showing up, doing the hard work, being 418 00:20:24,494 --> 00:20:27,618 consistent, showing up at the beginner's mind. 419 00:20:27,838 --> 00:20:32,085 Yeah, we all want to win, but winning isn't always more 420 00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:33,266 important than learning. 421 00:20:33,390 --> 00:20:36,417 Learning is the most important thing, because if you continue 422 00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:39,835 to learn, you will win, and so that's where putting down the 423 00:20:39,976 --> 00:20:41,019 ego comes into play. 424 00:20:41,019 --> 00:20:44,339 A lot of people's ego gets in the way because they want to win 425 00:20:44,339 --> 00:20:46,425 , so they use their best techniques all the time and they 426 00:20:46,425 --> 00:20:47,780 never experiment with new techniques, and so they limit to 427 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:47,809 win. 428 00:20:47,809 --> 00:20:48,733 So they use their best techniques all the time and they 429 00:20:48,733 --> 00:20:49,902 never experiment with new techniques, and so they limit 430 00:20:49,922 --> 00:20:54,319 their game, and so they'll stagnate, like that we all will. 431 00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,878 We'll all stagnate if we don't maintain the beginner's mind, 432 00:20:57,109 --> 00:21:01,082 and so jiu-jitsu teaches you to maintain that beginner's mind, 433 00:21:01,371 --> 00:21:04,673 to put the ego down, to do the hard work, respect the people 434 00:21:04,692 --> 00:21:07,644 around you, get everybody else around you better as you 435 00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:08,450 continue to get better. 436 00:21:08,450 --> 00:21:11,815 I just love the fact that we're able to do this for the kids so 437 00:21:11,815 --> 00:21:15,319 they can learn some of these values and this blueprint for 438 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,344 life, so that they don't have to figure it out, kind of how we 439 00:21:18,364 --> 00:21:19,566 did a little bit later on in life. 440 00:21:19,566 --> 00:21:21,500 They get to learn it at an early, early age. 441 00:21:22,605 --> 00:21:23,230 Speaker 2: Yeah, I got to learn it. 442 00:21:23,230 --> 00:21:24,003 I learned it a little later. 443 00:21:24,003 --> 00:21:28,970 You did, yeah, I learned it a little later. 444 00:21:28,970 --> 00:21:33,355 But yeah, you know, I, I was, I , I, I, I was. 445 00:21:33,355 --> 00:21:34,905 I wasn't as good of a student as as, hopefully, my kids are, 446 00:21:34,925 --> 00:21:35,470 on some of those things. 447 00:21:36,191 --> 00:21:38,556 You know, you touched on something here and I, and I 448 00:21:38,596 --> 00:21:39,178 think it's it's. 449 00:21:39,178 --> 00:21:42,674 You know, it's kind of circled around in this, in this 450 00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:47,539 conversation here, and you, you mentioned ego and you mentioned, 451 00:21:47,539 --> 00:21:51,971 you know, about the stories that you tell yourself and 452 00:21:52,030 --> 00:21:56,539 really kind of you know, using using those stories to drive 453 00:21:56,579 --> 00:21:58,303 yourself to to success. 454 00:21:58,303 --> 00:22:02,939 You know, I'm curious because it's a little bit of a, it's a 455 00:22:03,019 --> 00:22:06,813 little bit of a I don't know two-sided story here where we 456 00:22:06,833 --> 00:22:08,936 talk about, like you gotta have self, you know, positive 457 00:22:08,977 --> 00:22:12,123 self-image, and you gotta, you gotta, use positive mental 458 00:22:12,163 --> 00:22:13,932 imagery and, you know, tell these great stories. 459 00:22:13,932 --> 00:22:16,820 But you also need to make sure that you're not not getting too 460 00:22:16,990 --> 00:22:21,138 egoic and not, you know, not like believing all of the hype. 461 00:22:21,138 --> 00:22:24,393 What advice would you have for us as we, you know, as we kind 462 00:22:24,413 --> 00:22:29,810 of grapple with the dichotomy of this positive self-image but 463 00:22:30,111 --> 00:22:33,034 not becoming a point of kind of toxicity, if you will? 464 00:22:36,617 --> 00:22:40,663 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's an interesting question. 465 00:22:40,663 --> 00:22:45,153 I think, first of all, you absolutely have to believe in 466 00:22:45,173 --> 00:22:51,145 yourself and, to the extent, if you have to choose between maybe 467 00:22:51,145 --> 00:22:54,490 I become a little overconfident versus not confident enough, 468 00:22:54,632 --> 00:22:58,962 I'm always going to lean towards overconfident Because I feel 469 00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:01,650 like all of us can do more than we think we can. 470 00:23:01,650 --> 00:23:06,162 Even the most optimistic among us is really underselling 471 00:23:06,221 --> 00:23:08,146 ourselves in terms of what we're able to do. 472 00:23:08,146 --> 00:23:10,491 I'm about as optimistic as you can get. 473 00:23:10,491 --> 00:23:13,528 I mean, I'm a blind guy who says you know, blind's a good 474 00:23:13,567 --> 00:23:14,410 thing, like how many? 475 00:23:14,410 --> 00:23:15,840 How many folks are out there doing that? 476 00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:16,521 Not a whole lot. 477 00:23:16,521 --> 00:23:18,765 So my cup is half full. 478 00:23:18,765 --> 00:23:22,932 But, that being said, there's no way 25 years ago I would have 479 00:23:22,932 --> 00:23:25,194 ever imagined I'd be doing what I'm doing today. 480 00:23:25,194 --> 00:23:31,432 My point is we all underestimate what we can do. 481 00:23:31,432 --> 00:23:36,228 All of us do, you do, everybody listening to this, you 482 00:23:36,268 --> 00:23:38,854 listening right now, you're underestimating what you can do, 483 00:23:38,854 --> 00:23:40,663 and it's not a knock on you. 484 00:23:40,663 --> 00:23:42,248 We all do that. 485 00:23:42,248 --> 00:23:46,123 All of us do can do, and it's not a knock on you. 486 00:23:46,123 --> 00:23:46,805 We all do that All of us do. 487 00:23:46,825 --> 00:23:48,770 Now, in terms of it moving to toxicity, like I don't, I don't 488 00:23:48,810 --> 00:23:51,920 believe in in having rose colored glasses about everything 489 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:52,381 you know. 490 00:23:52,381 --> 00:23:55,849 We have to face the reality of the situation. 491 00:23:55,849 --> 00:24:00,011 Like I couldn't sit around and tell myself that, oh I'll, you 492 00:24:00,031 --> 00:24:01,920 know, one day I'll get my eyesight back and everything 493 00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,987 will be fine and I'll live happily ever after. 494 00:24:03,987 --> 00:24:07,557 And all of a sudden, I'm putting my future precariously 495 00:24:07,617 --> 00:24:10,887 in the hands that are really my future, in the hands of things 496 00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:12,779 that are outside my control, like whether or not there's a 497 00:24:12,819 --> 00:24:13,240 cure. 498 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:20,392 And so how do I instead choose to tell myself a story that 499 00:24:20,511 --> 00:24:24,546 involves me taking an unfavorable set of circumstances 500 00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:25,509 and moving forward with it. 501 00:24:25,509 --> 00:24:29,868 And so the example that I use is I could have sat around and I 502 00:24:29,868 --> 00:24:32,582 could have chosen to tell myself that I went blind because 503 00:24:32,582 --> 00:24:35,911 I've got terrible luck and that could technically be a true 504 00:24:35,971 --> 00:24:39,550 story but instead I chose to tell myself that I went blind 505 00:24:39,590 --> 00:24:42,681 because I'm one of the few people on the planet who has the 506 00:24:42,681 --> 00:24:46,728 strength and the toughness to overcome it and use it to help 507 00:24:46,768 --> 00:24:47,288 other people. 508 00:24:47,288 --> 00:24:53,063 See, one story paints me as a victim, but the second story 509 00:24:53,383 --> 00:24:58,432 takes the exact same basket of facts and reframes it in a way 510 00:24:58,952 --> 00:25:01,083 that turns it into my competitive advantage. 511 00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:05,512 This happened to me because I'm stronger than most. 512 00:25:05,512 --> 00:25:06,981 That's my story. 513 00:25:07,943 --> 00:25:10,670 So now I've taken this oh, you're going blind at 21. 514 00:25:10,670 --> 00:25:14,183 And instead of being, oh, poor you, you went blind at 21. 515 00:25:14,183 --> 00:25:17,231 It's like, oh, good news, you happen to be one of the few 516 00:25:17,299 --> 00:25:19,146 people who can dominate this thing. 517 00:25:19,146 --> 00:25:20,131 You can overcome it. 518 00:25:20,131 --> 00:25:23,484 And that becomes a very powerful thing when it starts to 519 00:25:23,484 --> 00:25:27,086 seep down into your bloodstream and into your bone marrow and 520 00:25:27,106 --> 00:25:31,364 you start really believing hey, wait a minute, I think I can 521 00:25:31,404 --> 00:25:31,967 handle this. 522 00:25:31,967 --> 00:25:34,817 And then you start to believe that you can handle it. 523 00:25:34,817 --> 00:25:38,384 And then you start getting results that demonstrate that 524 00:25:38,404 --> 00:25:39,205 you're handling. 525 00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:43,092 And then, all of a sudden, before you know, you've reframed 526 00:25:43,092 --> 00:25:47,606 your future by simply reattaching yourself to the 527 00:25:47,666 --> 00:25:50,555 current reality in a different way. 528 00:25:50,555 --> 00:25:53,723 It's an incredibly powerful concept and it's there for all 529 00:25:53,763 --> 00:25:53,923 of us. 530 00:25:53,923 --> 00:25:57,441 It's there for you, no matter what circumstances you're facing 531 00:25:57,441 --> 00:25:57,441 . 532 00:25:57,441 --> 00:26:00,950 Just simply reframing them, telling yourself a better story. 533 00:26:00,950 --> 00:26:04,020 How do you take that thing that you don't want in your life and 534 00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:06,426 flip it into a dominating advantage? 535 00:26:06,426 --> 00:26:07,469 It's possible. 536 00:26:08,151 --> 00:26:11,424 Speaker 2: I absolutely love that, yeah, and I think it's 537 00:26:11,946 --> 00:26:13,632 such an important distinction, right. 538 00:26:13,632 --> 00:26:18,734 And it's not about being overconfident, right, it's about 539 00:26:18,734 --> 00:26:20,624 being confident, and I love that. 540 00:26:20,624 --> 00:26:23,382 You know, like, if you look at all the research, it's like the 541 00:26:23,461 --> 00:26:27,512 most successful people are the optimistic risk takers, right, 542 00:26:27,553 --> 00:26:30,788 like the ones, the ones that are generally going to assume that 543 00:26:30,827 --> 00:26:33,499 good things will happen and believe that good things will 544 00:26:33,519 --> 00:26:37,747 happen and and take risks, and that's, you know, that's that 545 00:26:38,648 --> 00:26:42,141 drives success, right, like I'm assuming you you're an 546 00:26:42,221 --> 00:26:43,426 optimistic guy, right? 547 00:26:48,339 --> 00:26:49,643 Speaker 1: I'm an optimistic guy and I am a bit of a risk taker 548 00:26:49,663 --> 00:26:51,105 and I realize I'm not flawless, I'm not perfect, I'm going to 549 00:26:51,125 --> 00:26:54,253 screw some things up, but I know that on balance I'm going to 550 00:26:54,314 --> 00:26:58,627 figure things out, because I've demonstrated that over time. 551 00:26:58,627 --> 00:27:00,711 I don't have all the answers. 552 00:27:00,711 --> 00:27:04,605 I like to think I know what questions to ask and eventually 553 00:27:04,665 --> 00:27:05,708 I'll find the answers. 554 00:27:05,708 --> 00:27:08,053 But I don't pretend to have all the answers. 555 00:27:08,053 --> 00:27:11,865 But I do have the confidence that you know what, I'll learn 556 00:27:11,886 --> 00:27:14,791 how to ask the right questions and I'll find the right answers 557 00:27:14,872 --> 00:27:16,054 working with the right people. 558 00:27:16,054 --> 00:27:17,842 Eventually I'll figure it out. 559 00:27:17,842 --> 00:27:19,946 I may not know right off the bat and maybe it won't be as 560 00:27:20,007 --> 00:27:23,133 quick as I'd like, but I'll figure it out one way or the 561 00:27:23,173 --> 00:27:25,967 other off the bat and maybe it won't be as quick as I'd like, 562 00:27:26,047 --> 00:27:27,250 but I'll figure it out one way or the other. 563 00:27:27,269 --> 00:27:27,991 Speaker 2: Right, right, yeah, I I tend to. 564 00:27:27,991 --> 00:27:30,538 Those are the people that I I try to surround myself with. 565 00:27:30,538 --> 00:27:33,327 Right, because I want to try to like, like, get that by osmosis 566 00:27:33,327 --> 00:27:37,240 right, like it's, like it's, it's infectious right when 567 00:27:37,260 --> 00:27:42,210 you're around people that that that believe in the direction 568 00:27:42,230 --> 00:27:42,790 you're going. 569 00:27:42,790 --> 00:27:45,942 You know it's, it's so much better than than you know, the, 570 00:27:46,042 --> 00:27:48,410 the trying to hang out with a bunch of naysayers. 571 00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:49,422 Speaker 1: And I can't do it. 572 00:27:49,422 --> 00:27:49,742 Man. 573 00:27:49,742 --> 00:27:51,169 Yeah, it's, I'm with you. 574 00:27:51,169 --> 00:27:54,468 You are the average of the five people we associate with, and 575 00:27:54,508 --> 00:27:58,023 so you got to ask yourself are you hanging around people who 576 00:27:58,084 --> 00:28:00,667 are bringing your average up, or are they bringing your average 577 00:28:00,708 --> 00:28:01,009 down? 578 00:28:01,809 --> 00:28:02,991 Speaker 2: Totally, totally agree. 579 00:28:02,991 --> 00:28:04,255 Yeah, and I yeah. 580 00:28:04,255 --> 00:28:04,921 I mean there's. 581 00:28:04,921 --> 00:28:08,269 There's so many situations where you know I do think, 582 00:28:09,090 --> 00:28:11,442 circling back to where we started this conversation I 583 00:28:11,502 --> 00:28:16,373 think people get complacent in that you know, with those people 584 00:28:16,373 --> 00:28:20,795 you know you naturally will get comfortable with what you get 585 00:28:20,894 --> 00:28:21,155 used to. 586 00:28:21,155 --> 00:28:24,025 And if you allow yourself to get used to surrounding yourself 587 00:28:24,025 --> 00:28:28,005 with naysayers and negativity and people that have that victim 588 00:28:28,005 --> 00:28:30,651 mentality, whether you realize it or not, that's going to feel 589 00:28:30,691 --> 00:28:34,365 comfortable to you and that's a hard question to ask yourself, 590 00:28:34,425 --> 00:28:36,049 but it's the reality sometimes. 591 00:28:36,130 --> 00:28:37,252 Speaker 1: It becomes toxic. 592 00:28:37,252 --> 00:28:41,067 You know, I can start to feel it before I even. 593 00:28:41,067 --> 00:28:43,362 I mean, I feel it as much as I hear it. 594 00:28:43,362 --> 00:28:47,325 If that makes sense, I can be around people and I'll hear the 595 00:28:47,365 --> 00:28:50,211 words come and I'll just like I don't know. 596 00:28:50,211 --> 00:28:53,203 I start to feel like I'm suffocating in a way, even 597 00:28:53,243 --> 00:28:56,811 though it's not my breathing, but it's like the energy is just 598 00:28:56,811 --> 00:29:01,625 dark and I just like I have to get away because it's not how 599 00:29:01,664 --> 00:29:02,866 I've chosen to live my life. 600 00:29:02,866 --> 00:29:07,775 I've chosen to for lack of a better term see the glass half 601 00:29:07,815 --> 00:29:08,035 full. 602 00:29:08,035 --> 00:29:12,791 I know that's funny a blind guy saying that, but it's true. 603 00:29:12,791 --> 00:29:14,346 It's how I've chosen to see my life. 604 00:29:15,142 --> 00:29:19,011 All of us can easily find reasons to complain. 605 00:29:19,011 --> 00:29:22,048 They're out there, right? 606 00:29:22,048 --> 00:29:24,464 How's that serving you? 607 00:29:24,464 --> 00:29:27,742 I instead, every night, one of the things that we do at my 608 00:29:27,782 --> 00:29:33,480 house it's mandatory and has been for 16 years, since our 609 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:38,131 first daughter was born is we have a gratitude session every 610 00:29:38,191 --> 00:29:39,232 night, three of us. 611 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:42,521 We all have to say three things that we're thankful for every 612 00:29:42,582 --> 00:29:46,984 night, and it has to be unique and it has to be concrete and it 613 00:29:46,984 --> 00:29:51,106 has to be, you know, not repeated or redundant based on 614 00:29:51,126 --> 00:29:52,067 what somebody else said. 615 00:29:52,107 --> 00:29:56,069 And what it does is it forces you to bring your conscious 616 00:29:56,109 --> 00:30:00,373 attention to the very things that we all very naturally take 617 00:30:00,393 --> 00:30:00,853 for granted. 618 00:30:00,853 --> 00:30:04,375 And if you do that on a regular basis, eventually you might 619 00:30:04,434 --> 00:30:07,017 just start paying attention to those things that you've been 620 00:30:07,517 --> 00:30:08,498 taking for granted. 621 00:30:08,498 --> 00:30:11,807 And, who knows, maybe gratitude will just seep its way into 622 00:30:11,847 --> 00:30:14,401 your muscle memory and, before you know it, you'll have this 623 00:30:14,461 --> 00:30:17,671 foundation of gratitude that determines your happiness in 624 00:30:17,730 --> 00:30:19,344 life, because that's the order that it works in. 625 00:30:19,344 --> 00:30:22,784 It's not happiness that brings you gratitude, it's gratitude 626 00:30:23,425 --> 00:30:25,884 that brings you happiness and informs your perspective. 627 00:30:25,884 --> 00:30:29,319 And so that's why, at my house, that's a mandatory thing that 628 00:30:29,359 --> 00:30:35,015 we do every day, because I want my kids to have the benefit of 629 00:30:35,415 --> 00:30:39,906 gratitude and their perspective and to create that foundation so 630 00:30:39,906 --> 00:30:43,161 that they can live a happier, more successful life, anchored 631 00:30:43,280 --> 00:30:47,229 in the appreciation for the things that we all overlook 632 00:30:47,269 --> 00:30:47,690 every day. 633 00:30:49,113 --> 00:30:49,493 Speaker 2: I love it. 634 00:30:49,493 --> 00:30:54,663 What a powerful gift to give your kids and, with that, a 635 00:30:54,703 --> 00:30:56,087 powerful gift to give our listeners. 636 00:30:56,087 --> 00:30:58,261 Here we're going to shift gears , we're going to go into the 637 00:30:58,343 --> 00:31:00,288 Rebel HR flash round. 638 00:31:00,288 --> 00:31:00,709 Are you ready? 639 00:31:00,709 --> 00:31:02,211 Let's do it All right. 640 00:31:02,211 --> 00:31:05,230 Question number one where do we need to rebel? 641 00:31:07,780 --> 00:31:09,144 Speaker 1: Where do we need to rebel? 642 00:31:09,144 --> 00:31:16,144 I think we need to rebel against a society that has 643 00:31:16,765 --> 00:31:20,229 caused us to soften mentally a little too much. 644 00:31:20,229 --> 00:31:27,415 I think our society has over-rotated to cushy and soft 645 00:31:27,476 --> 00:31:32,569 and fuzzy and there's a place for that and we're so intent on 646 00:31:32,609 --> 00:31:36,707 meeting people where they are in the moment and being empathic 647 00:31:36,826 --> 00:31:40,821 and I'm all for empathy, don't get me wrong but sometimes we 648 00:31:40,863 --> 00:31:46,093 need to hear what we're supposed to hear as opposed to what we 649 00:31:46,153 --> 00:31:46,641 want to hear. 650 00:31:46,641 --> 00:31:48,164 I'll give you an example. 651 00:31:48,164 --> 00:31:50,590 Try and keep it short, because I know we're in a flash round, 652 00:31:50,631 --> 00:31:54,508 but I was in college and I was hanging out with a bunch of 653 00:31:54,548 --> 00:31:58,701 losers, trying to deal with the fact that I was going blind, not 654 00:31:58,701 --> 00:32:00,705 dealing with it all so well. 655 00:32:00,705 --> 00:32:04,211 I was at a house we were not doing productive things, 656 00:32:04,573 --> 00:32:08,970 partying too much, and my cousin came in town and he did exactly 657 00:32:08,970 --> 00:32:09,211 that. 658 00:32:09,211 --> 00:32:11,645 He told me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. 659 00:32:11,645 --> 00:32:12,166 He looked at me. 660 00:32:12,166 --> 00:32:13,810 He said hey, man, come out here , I want to talk to you. 661 00:32:13,810 --> 00:32:14,333 I go outside. 662 00:32:14,333 --> 00:32:18,624 He said you see all your friends in there. 663 00:32:18,624 --> 00:32:19,384 I said, yeah. 664 00:32:19,384 --> 00:32:20,905 He said you're going to be a loser too. 665 00:32:20,905 --> 00:32:23,489 You need to get your head out of your rear end, get it 666 00:32:23,509 --> 00:32:25,490 together and you know what. 667 00:32:25,911 --> 00:32:28,393 You say that to some people today, like, oh, but you're not 668 00:32:28,472 --> 00:32:31,056 being empathic and I'm going through a tough situation and 669 00:32:31,096 --> 00:32:31,916 I'm going blind. 670 00:32:31,916 --> 00:32:38,781 Yeah, all that may be true, but I needed to hear it. 671 00:32:38,781 --> 00:32:39,201 We all we don't. 672 00:32:39,201 --> 00:32:40,403 Hopefully, we're all so fortunate to have people in our 673 00:32:40,423 --> 00:32:43,228 lives who will tell us the hard truth that we need to hear 674 00:32:44,049 --> 00:32:47,775 versus the warm and soft and fuzzy things that we all want to 675 00:32:47,775 --> 00:32:49,787 hear, because, at the end of the day, we need both. 676 00:32:49,900 --> 00:32:53,429 We need people who meet us where we are and are empathic and 677 00:32:53,509 --> 00:32:56,469 help us get over the hump and help us deal with the difficult 678 00:32:56,509 --> 00:32:58,700 emotions of some of the things that we're experiencing. 679 00:32:58,700 --> 00:33:00,326 But we also need the straight talk. 680 00:33:00,326 --> 00:33:03,821 We need people in our lives who care about us enough to have 681 00:33:03,842 --> 00:33:07,105 the difficult conversation, to say the things that are 682 00:33:07,164 --> 00:33:11,307 sometimes harsh, but they need to be harsh, to pierce through 683 00:33:11,807 --> 00:33:13,308 the way that we've been doing things. 684 00:33:13,308 --> 00:33:17,771 That coat of armor that we have , that it's our comfort zone and 685 00:33:17,771 --> 00:33:20,453 don't rock me out of my comfort zone I think we need that and 686 00:33:20,473 --> 00:33:22,255 that's the way I'd like to see this rebel is. 687 00:33:22,255 --> 00:33:25,076 You know, let's try and meet people where they are with 688 00:33:25,176 --> 00:33:28,183 empathy, but let's also tell them what they need to hear in a 689 00:33:28,183 --> 00:33:30,951 way that allows them to make the changes that they need to 690 00:33:31,010 --> 00:33:32,442 make to move forward. 691 00:33:33,084 --> 00:33:36,289 Speaker 2: Yeah, I, you know, I love that distinction and I 692 00:33:36,329 --> 00:33:38,213 think we lose sight that. 693 00:33:38,213 --> 00:33:42,345 You know, empathy and compassion doesn't mean that 694 00:33:42,365 --> 00:33:44,366 we're just like wet noodles, right? 695 00:33:44,366 --> 00:33:45,468 You know, empathy and compassion doesn't mean that 696 00:33:45,488 --> 00:33:46,169 we're just like wet noodles, right. 697 00:33:46,169 --> 00:33:48,290 You know you can still be empathetic and tell someone 698 00:33:48,310 --> 00:33:49,893 something that they don't like to hear. 699 00:33:49,893 --> 00:33:52,655 Yeah, you can still do that with compassion. 700 00:33:53,076 --> 00:33:58,583 Speaker 1: Yeah, if anything you might be doing, that giving 701 00:33:58,603 --> 00:34:00,384 them a gift, absolutely you are, especially if they know you're 702 00:34:00,404 --> 00:34:03,328 coming from a good spot and they know, like you care about them 703 00:34:03,869 --> 00:34:06,992 and you make it very clear the only reason I'm telling you this 704 00:34:06,992 --> 00:34:09,175 is because I care about you and I want you to know this. 705 00:34:09,175 --> 00:34:17,826 But you know, delivering the hard truth that takes more guts 706 00:34:17,846 --> 00:34:19,030 than just, you know, passing it along and going, oh no, 707 00:34:19,050 --> 00:34:20,376 everything's great Right, that's not caring for somebody. 708 00:34:20,376 --> 00:34:21,519 You really care about somebody's future. 709 00:34:21,519 --> 00:34:24,407 Have the hard conversation you know, say what needs to be said. 710 00:34:24,407 --> 00:34:25,150 Get it off your heart. 711 00:34:25,940 --> 00:34:27,545 Speaker 2: Right, right, all right. 712 00:34:27,545 --> 00:34:29,791 Question number two who should we be listening to? 713 00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:35,827 Speaker 1: Who should we be listening to? 714 00:34:35,827 --> 00:34:41,603 You know, I think there's a. 715 00:34:41,603 --> 00:34:45,753 I think there's a lot of wisdom inside of all of us. 716 00:34:45,753 --> 00:34:47,963 I think there's a lot of wisdom inside of you. 717 00:34:47,963 --> 00:34:53,784 I think you know you better than anybody, and so I wonder if 718 00:34:53,784 --> 00:34:57,016 there's not so much noise and so much distraction in our lives 719 00:34:57,016 --> 00:35:00,226 that we've tuned out the one voice that matters the most, and 720 00:35:00,226 --> 00:35:01,630 that's the one deep inside of us. 721 00:35:01,630 --> 00:35:04,943 I think that's one voice that matters the most and that's the 722 00:35:04,963 --> 00:35:05,503 one deep inside of us. 723 00:35:05,523 --> 00:35:06,346 I think that's probably why I'm able to. 724 00:35:06,346 --> 00:35:08,690 You know, I've been able to do a lot of the things that I've 725 00:35:08,710 --> 00:35:09,432 been able to do. 726 00:35:09,432 --> 00:35:13,387 It's because I'm not distracted by the constant stream of 727 00:35:13,907 --> 00:35:19,324 visual things that are that are going on everywhere you look, 728 00:35:19,364 --> 00:35:22,990 whether it's, you know, instagram or any social media 729 00:35:23,070 --> 00:35:24,393 application, or the images. 730 00:35:24,393 --> 00:35:27,809 It's just, sometimes it's good to be alone with our thoughts 731 00:35:27,869 --> 00:35:31,182 and really understand what's going on inside of us, and if 732 00:35:31,202 --> 00:35:33,590 you're not making time for that, you're really missing out on 733 00:35:34,293 --> 00:35:38,268 probably your most reliable advisor yourself. 734 00:35:38,268 --> 00:35:40,726 And so if you don't know yourself and what's really going 735 00:35:40,726 --> 00:35:44,206 on inside of you, how could you ever move towards where you 736 00:35:44,246 --> 00:35:44,608 want to be? 737 00:35:44,608 --> 00:35:47,545 Because you're just we're all dealing with this stream of 738 00:35:48,166 --> 00:35:51,159 disruptions and notifications and all these things, and that's 739 00:35:51,159 --> 00:35:53,623 why I think you know having real vision. 740 00:35:53,623 --> 00:35:58,010 When I talk about having a visionary mindset, it's not by 741 00:35:59,193 --> 00:36:01,702 looking at what's going on around you, it's by really 742 00:36:01,802 --> 00:36:05,202 examining what's going on deep inside of you. 743 00:36:05,222 --> 00:36:06,726 Speaker 2: I love it All right. 744 00:36:06,726 --> 00:36:09,391 Last question how can our listeners connect with you and 745 00:36:09,411 --> 00:36:10,501 how can they get their hands on the book? 746 00:36:11,182 --> 00:36:15,130 Speaker 1: Yeah, If they go to chadefostercom, forward slash 747 00:36:15,351 --> 00:36:18,885 rebel HR got a landing page there for them so they can get 748 00:36:18,927 --> 00:36:19,447 some goodies. 749 00:36:19,447 --> 00:36:21,344 Got a worksheet there From there. 750 00:36:21,344 --> 00:36:22,057 That's my website. 751 00:36:22,057 --> 00:36:22,706 They can click on the link. 752 00:36:22,706 --> 00:36:22,967 There's a book tab there. 753 00:36:22,967 --> 00:36:23,635 They can get some goodies, Got a worksheet there From there. 754 00:36:23,635 --> 00:36:24,275 That's my website, they can click on the link. 755 00:36:24,275 --> 00:36:25,442 There's a book tab there. 756 00:36:25,442 --> 00:36:27,829 They can see all the different places they can buy the book. 757 00:36:27,829 --> 00:36:33,038 It's on Amazon, it's on Audible and all the places where books 758 00:36:33,077 --> 00:36:33,400 are sold. 759 00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:37,586 But certainly they can land on all those things from that one 760 00:36:37,626 --> 00:36:41,635 website chadefostercom forward slash Rebel HR. 761 00:36:41,635 --> 00:36:43,445 It's got my social media handles. 762 00:36:43,445 --> 00:36:44,349 All that stuff's there. 763 00:36:44,349 --> 00:36:47,487 It's a nice one-stop shop to find everything they need. 764 00:36:48,530 --> 00:36:48,952 Speaker 2: Absolutely. 765 00:36:48,952 --> 00:36:50,963 We'll have a link to that right in the show notes. 766 00:36:50,963 --> 00:36:52,288 Click in there. 767 00:36:52,288 --> 00:36:53,831 Check it out, chad. 768 00:36:53,831 --> 00:36:55,545 This has just been an amazing conversation. 769 00:36:55,545 --> 00:36:57,844 Thank you so much for thanks for putting the book out there. 770 00:36:57,844 --> 00:36:59,827 Thanks for all that you've done to help people out there. 771 00:37:03,679 --> 00:37:04,625 Speaker 1: You've helped our listeners today immensely. 772 00:37:04,625 --> 00:37:05,690 So thanks for doing what you do . 773 00:37:05,690 --> 00:37:06,496 Man Appreciate you, absolutely. 774 00:37:06,496 --> 00:37:06,938 Appreciate you, thanks. 775 00:37:06,938 --> 00:37:07,561 Appreciate it, co. 776 00:37:07,561 --> 00:37:08,202 Thank you. 777 00:37:09,543 --> 00:37:12,811 Speaker 2: All right, that does it for the Rebel HR podcast. 778 00:37:12,811 --> 00:37:14,753 Big thank you to our guests. 779 00:37:14,753 --> 00:37:20,114 Follow us on Facebook at Rebel HR podcast, twitter at Rebel HR 780 00:37:20,155 --> 00:37:23,505 guy, or see our website at rebelhumanresourcescom. 781 00:37:23,505 --> 00:37:27,224 The views and opinions expressed by Rebel HR Podcast 782 00:37:27,264 --> 00:37:29,447 are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the 783 00:37:29,467 --> 00:37:33,333 official policy or position of any of the organizations that we 784 00:37:33,333 --> 00:37:33,775 represent. 785 00:37:33,775 --> 00:37:37,307 No animals were harmed during the filming of this podcast. 786 00:37:39,273 --> 00:37:39,594 Speaker 1: Baby.