The Grace Space
The Grace Space is your cocoon of sanity in an evolving world, a combination of storytelling, interviews, and teachings on Universal Spiritual Law, where each week Claire shares practical, actionable teachings to help you embody your true nature of freedom, authenticity, and spiritual sovereignty.
The Grace Space
Breaking Free: The Cost of Keeping Secrets
Are your secrets weighing you down?
In this engaging episode, we dive into the intricate relationship between the truths we hide and our authentic selves. Explore how keeping secrets can lead to a fragmented sense of self and the emotional toll it takes on our lives. Discover the liberating effects of embracing honesty and vulnerability in our growth journey.
This episode sheds light on the fears surrounding truth-telling—fear of judgment, rejection, and the discomfort of vulnerability—and how these fears create barriers to our connection with ourselves and others. I share my personal experiences and insights on navigating the complexities of revealing our deepest truths.
Our real work, spiritually speaking, is a journey of inner integration, penetrating and dissolving layers of illusion, belief systems, programs, and inner fragmentation.
It requires a willingness to look at the truth, and as they say, the truth hurts. But it also sets us free.
As we face and dissolve our own shadows inwardly through love and self-acceptance, and free ourselves from programming, we begin to see through the often masterful deceptions and manipulations that are perpetrated in the outer world.
We live in an era of disclosure on many fronts. The hidden can no longer be kept hidden. It is the end of secrets and lies; a time of revelation and a time of remembering the long-forgotten and deliberately suppressed history of who we are and why we're here.
Can we compass the scope of our true human history and our fundamental purpose as a humanity? Yes. But only if we face the truth about our current situation, personally and collectively.
Get ready to question everything you think you know as we begin a new season of The Grace Space.
Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and connect with our community for more enriching conversations. Together, let’s embrace truth and walk the path of authenticity, moving towards a future where openness and integrity reign.
As a Certified Life Mastery Consultant, yoga teacher, and Certified Natural Health Coach, I provide impactful, transformational coaching through a variety of powerful programs.
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Take a deep breath and remember there's a power breathing you. This is your space of sanity in an evolving world, where we learn about spiritual law and how to apply it to our lives in a way that is practical and life-changing. This is where we remember truth to make the world a better place, one person at a time. I'm Claire Lautier, inspirational speaker, teacher of the technology of transformation and a certified life mastery consultant and spiritual growth mentor. Welcome to the Grace Space.
Claire Lautier:Where do I begin? Where do I begin? To be perfectly honest with you, I've been putting off beginning season five of the Gray Space because I couldn't answer that question. What can I say? When there have been so many changes? I can't make sense of where it's all going, when growth feels so rapid, I haven't even caught up with this new reality yet. How can I deliver a coherent message?
Claire Lautier:My spiritual teacher has always said root yourself in the change. That's a great paradox. Never have I understood it more than now. How do you root yourself in a state of permanent change? It's all about surrender, baby. You do it by not holding on to anything. You do it by breaking your identification with everything, and I guess that's what I've done the last couple of years is just take a sledgehammer to everything I was comfortably identified with. Life is a river. You can stand in it, but you can't hold on to the river. You have to let it move through.
Claire Lautier:My personal experience of the last couple years has confirmed that awakening happens for most of us in stages. However awake I perceived myself to be in years past, I could not have known what it meant to be awake as I experience it now, by which we may presume that in the future there will be an even greater expansion of awareness that will make today's feeling of being awake pale by comparison, and in fact it never ends. All I can say is that it feels like I'm looking at life from 40,000 feet up in the air, compared to the modest view from the little hilltop of my previous abode, and that's very humbling. And I've seen for myself that the universe has certain built-in safeguards or qualifiers for the advancement of consciousness. No matter how much you may sincerely want to grow, you can only see truth to the degree that you yourself are truthful. If we're playing games, we're going to get caught in the game because we cannot escape ourselves. Our consciousness is reflected all around us. We can only ever experience ourselves looking back at us in one form or another, and whatever it is, we are a vibrational match. For I often use the metaphor of the crack in the lens to illustrate the nature of perception. If there's a crack in the camera lens, that crack is going to appear in every picture you take. You can't get away from it, you can't hide from it, you can deny its existence, but it's still going to show up in every picture. It's not out there, it's in here, being projected from within.
Claire Lautier:Now I've been committed to this path full time since 2016, as a teacher, as a mentor for personal and spiritual growth, and as a yoga teacher and a student of universal law, determined to free myself from the matrix and to help anyone I could to do the same. However, there was a secret in my personal life that I kept quarantined from the rest of my life, kind of like cleaning your whole house and making it beautiful and harmonious, except for one room, which is a mess. So you just close the door and you don't let anybody see that room and you reason that's fine, because the rest of my house is in order, it's clean, it's beautiful, it's organized, it's well decorated, it's spacious, the sun is coming in and when people come over they feel good here. I know about the messy room and that's enough. Nobody else needs to know. And I'm getting around to it, I'm going to deal with it.
Claire Lautier:But it's not affecting the rest of my house. Actually, it is. It's totally affecting the rest of your house. It's affecting everything. It's affecting the flow of the energy in the whole house and that's obvious in retrospect. It's impeding the flow of energy in the whole house. It's a drain on the life force. It's impeding the flow of energy in the whole house. It's a drain on the life force. It's impeding wholeness and integrity. The word integrity comes from the Latin integritatem, which means soundness, wholeness, completeness. To lack integrity is to be divided inside. There's a duality, a conflict, a crack in the lens. When a building lacks integrity, it's at risk for collapse. Well, the same goes for our life.
Claire Lautier:When you carry the weight of a secret, for whatever reason, you lack integrity, and that's not a judgment, it's just a fact. You're walling off one part of you from the other parts of you and hiding by other parts of you I mean not only your psyche, but the rest of the world, the rest of the universe, because everything and everyone is you, and it's laughable, when you understand the quantum reality of things, to think that you could ever keep a secret about anything. Because the universe knows everything. Everything is already known, everything is recorded, everything is data mined. We're known. Every hair on our head is counted. So if you're carrying a secret and you're afraid to be fully yourself, you're still stuck in the matrix. So why do we keep secrets? I've done so much soul searching on this, guys. Believe, believe me, these were my top three excuses.
Claire Lautier:Number one I'm afraid of what people will think. Okay, we're afraid of the truth. We think that there's something that we could do or have done to us that is just too awful to see the light of day. We're afraid of being judged, rejected, ostracized, pitied. We're afraid to lose face because the secret is at odds with the image we project To the ego. Losing control of a carefully constructed identity is death. You might as well put an equal sign there. It doesn't know your deeper self. It has no intrinsic source of energy. If the carefully constructed identity goes, it goes. So the fear of what people will think is really the fear of being exposed, which equals death for the ego. The reality, from the spiritual point of view, is that being exposed is the ideal opportunity to let go of the false self, rather than trying to save face. Some people would rather die than do that and will lie to the bitter end. So the fear of what other people think is a prison that keeps the ego in its throne.
Claire Lautier:Excuse number two I don't want to hurt so and so Maybe we think we're protecting other people from an unpleasant truth. We're deciding what they can or cannot handle. And it's true that some people don't want truth. They're not ready for truth. They want to see a version of life that's comfortable for them, even if it's a fantasy, and we routinely, according to brain science, do not see what's right in front of us if it's too much for our concept of reality to handle. But in my experience, the fear of hurting another is really just the fear of our own feelings. Once again, we're afraid of the pain we are going to experience by witnessing someone else's pain guilt, the shame, all of those negative feelings that are so painful that we're afraid of feeling when we witness someone else's pain, and especially if we feel responsible for that pain, because witnessing their pain is bringing up our own unresolved pain. So it's still about me, me, me Excuse number three.
Claire Lautier:It's not my secret to tell. There are other people involved who will be affected. Now, it's true that some secrets are not ours to tell, unless, of course, we're aware of a crime or some situation where harm is being done to an innocent. You got to speak up. Beyond that, we're not responsible for other people's karma and we can't force others to be honest or face themselves. If we do that for them, we rob them of the chance to do it themselves and benefit from the experience, spiritually speaking, right, because we're the only ones who can deal with our karma. Nobody else can do it for us. But where it directly involves us, we can clean our own house and we must be prepared to shoulder the unintended consequences of the revelation of truth.
Claire Lautier:And there are other reasons why people keep secrets, right. If we're going to a higher level, like state secrets and things like that and people, you know, there's all these whistleblowers coming out now. There's whistleblowers everywhere, right? And the reason that they're coming out now is because either they have the courage to tell the truth in an environment where their reputation is going to be trashed or their life is going to be in danger, right, a lot of times people don't tell the truth at higher levels. They keep secrets because they're in danger. Their actual lives are in danger.
Claire Lautier:But I'm talking about, you know, on the personal level. Those were my top three excuses, until there came a point where I just started to crack open, like a seed bursting through a shell, like my body could no longer physically hold a secret, like I was giving birth to a new self and that secret had to come out and I sensed that no further advancement of consciousness was possible for me until I released this burden and I was so afraid of what that would mean. But it was a grow or die moment and I always choose grow in the end. The pressure was so intense that one night, nearly two years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, but I never made it because the next thing I know I'm coming to on the floor with an excruciating pain in my head. It took me some time to realize that I must have passed out, I guess, and hit my head on the poured concrete floor, not exactly forgiving. I was super disoriented and put my hand on my head to discover a huge goose egg sticking out. I called my husband on the phone. He was in Canada, where it was six hours earlier. I was all confused and weepy and in a lot of pain, and he told me not to go back to sleep for a while in case I was concussed, which I'm sure. I was, so off. I went to clean the kitchen at 3am. I still have no memory of falling or fainting or whatever occurred, but the intuitive message was pretty clear Get on with it.
Claire Lautier:So shortly thereafter, I broke open and revealed what I had been concealing to those who had a right to know. I stepped into the light and allowed myself to be naked in the truth of what I had been struggling with for many years. And that's when the architecture of the self-concept I had spent a lifetime building finally fell apart and I went through all these changes that I'm still in the middle of. And that's why I say that growth and awakening are asymptotal in nature. In other words, you never get to the point where you're like okay, that's it, I'm done right, you keep expanding. I mean the first few years of my awakening.
Claire Lautier:Right after I met my spiritual teacher and all of these things started happening, I had a total shift in my life. I was like, wow, I mean, I thought that that was. I thought that that was the big change, and it was. It was a huge change for me at the time. But those were actually just the training wheels to get me to the point where I could really let go of this engineered self. Right, if we are honest with ourselves, we're going to feel those places where we're not fully authentic. So it took me nine years to get here.
Claire Lautier:It took me nine years from the time I first met my spiritual teacher that was like the detonator to now, where the whole construct has finally imploded on itself, collapsed to the ground and I'm standing in a heap of smoking rubble and I couldn't be happier because I'm finally free of secrets and lies. Maybe some of you were like well, claire, are you going to spill the beans? What was your secret lies? Maybe some of you were like, well, claire, are you going to spill the beans? What was your secret Like? There's a big difference between being honest in your personal life with the people who have a right to know and who are concerned and airing your dirty laundry in public and unnecessarily embarrassing people who didn't ask for it. So no, that's the answer.
Claire Lautier:What looks like chaos is life reorganizing itself at a higher level of order. That's why they say that what looks like a disaster to the ego is a triumph for the soul. It's true. The reason it took me so long to deal with that quarantined room within me was because of the part of me, the ego, which cherished its projection in the world and the forms it had created based on that. To shatter that image and to let go of that life is a failure from the ego's perspective, and the ego hates criticism. It hates being wrong. It's very defensive to endure the heat and the judgment that came my way without defending myself.
Claire Lautier:In spite of all, that was actually easy, because I knew that I was finally free and never, never, would I ever find myself in the same situation again, that I would betray another person. Because I knew that I would never again be so untrue to myself as to twist and distort myself and participate in secrets and play games out of fear or neediness. I would never more be in the business of saving my own skin, and I knew that with a certainty that was very serene and quiet During this period of revelation, someone who had every right to be angry, called me every name in the book and as I listened to the words I thought it's true, I will own all of this. How could the false self be otherwise? The anguish that this loved one was expressing came from having believed in that false self and having trusted what could not be trusted, and they trusted it from their own false self, which was anguished and at also being unveiled. It was the grief of having believed an illusion and the sense of disorientation when that illusion is shattered.
Claire Lautier:All I could do was sincerely apologize for the unconsciousness that had produced the situation, but that unconsciousness was no longer unconsciousness as soon as it's named. It's not unconscious anymore, right, it moves from the hidden depths where it's running your life, but you're not even aware that it's running your life, until it becomes kind of subconscious. And then you know you've got something to deal with, but you're not ready to do it yet, right. And then you know you've got something to deal with, but you're not ready to do it yet, right. And then, finally, it emerges from the depths, right, and it's no longer unconsciousness at that point. As soon as it was named, it dematerialized and all of its illusion poof along with it and I could bear hearing whatever was leveled at me, because it was a true characterization of an aspect of me that no longer existed, and I knew that that was not me. It never was. I am the one who is revealed when what is false is burned away, and so are you.
Claire Lautier:Being yourself means no more games, no more inner division, no more walling off one part of you from another part of you, no more hiding and compartmentalizing in your life. Being yourself brings dignity. It brings peace Because you've accepted yourself. It's simple and straightforward. It's natural. There's no work involved. The true you has nothing to defend, nothing to prove and nothing to lose. The true you doesn't keep secrets. Only the false self does that. When I stopped hiding and keeping secrets, a big chunk of the false self disappeared. I still had to take responsibility for the consequences and the fallout, but that's okay. I felt clear. I felt clear. The thing is, you don't need to know what's next when you feel clear. The way forward may feel shrouded in fog, but within yourself it is clear. It's enough to know that you're real and therefore you can trust yourself and others can trust you too. They can trust you to be real.
Claire Lautier:Yogi Bhajan used to say never let yourself down and never let others down, and I thought it meant not to disappoint others. So when you're afraid of disappointing other people, you're more likely to keep secrets right. You're more likely to hide. So-and-so will be upset if I show myself right. There's a difference, though, between disappointing others and letting them down. You can't avoid disappointing others because you have no control over other people's expectations of you. Over other people's expectations of you, expectations of another are bound to be disappointed. The expectations we have of another are bound to be disappointed. We may disappoint others when, in being real, we don't behave in ways that conform to their expectations and we no longer uphold the unspoken agreements not to disturb each other's illusions and comfort zone. That's the difference between disappointing others and letting them down. You may disappoint others by being true to yourself, but you haven't let them down. We can only let ourselves or others down by being untrue. Bologna said it best to thine own self be true, and then you won't be false to anyone else.
Claire Lautier:All right, but this isn't just a personal story about the end of secrets and lies in my own life. I'm just one bird in a cloud of birds flying in formation. You know those swarms of birds that you see swooping and diving and soaring, all as one, like a big cloud of birds. The individual birds are not flying themselves. They're connected to a field and they're moving as one. They're moving as the field is moving and you can actually see the field in the wave-like movement of the birds, the field in the wave-like movement of the birds. I'm connected to the field of consciousness and so are you.
Claire Lautier:Secrets and hiding became untenable in my own life because they are becoming untenable everywhere. Revelation is the order of the day, and it happened to me because it's happening everywhere. As a planet, as a humanity, we are on the verge of a massive level of disclosure the likes of which we've never seen before. This revelation of secrets and lies is happening in every area of life, in every domain, in every part of the world, at every level. It has already started and it cannot be stopped. Reaching the entire population may take time and some information is still dismissed as conspiracy theory, a term coined by the CIA to discredit skeptics of the curated narrative. But we are waking up from a long, long sleep to realize that we are living within a system of control of epic proportions, a very long duration, we're starting to heal from a form of imposed amnesia and perceptual manipulation regarding who we are, we human beings, where we came from, why we're here and where we are going.
Claire Lautier:After I let go of the burden of falsehood in this one area of my life that one room I had quarantined off from the rest of it. It was as if I had graduated to a new level of awareness I couldn't access before, like unlocking a new level in a video game, because when we got a problem that's taking up a lot of energy, our consciousness, which in our true nature is infinite awareness, in awareness of itself, that consciousness, which is vast and infinite okay, it's the whole universe. Well, that consciousness becomes hyper focused on the, the small self, on the problem. In quotes, it's like a knot in your energy field that's consuming the attention of consciousness and consciousness is reduced. Without the intervention of expanded awareness, consciousness can become totally identified with what is drawing its attention and that's all it sees. It goes from infinite, vast awareness, multi-dimensional awareness, to myopic identification. With a minute slice of experience. And when you're that focused on your own minute slice, your life situation, your problems, you miss a lot. You miss 99.9999999% of everything else that is also going on. So once you let go of the attachment that has been consuming your energy, the attachment to that focus, you liberate consciousness from its myopic focus and you experience an expansion.
Claire Lautier:The expansion of consciousness that occurred in the months that followed my unburdening blew my mind. I could see things now plain as day, but which I had been blind to previously. It was like my memory started coming back and what I was seeing was not always easy to take. If I had to characterize expansions of consciousness I've experienced over the years, I would say that they brought a greater sense of inner spaciousness and peacefulness and awareness of the harmony and order underlying all creation and a sense of the connectivity of all things as an emanation of spirit.
Claire Lautier:This time it was a revelation of a different kind, a feeling of waking up to the scope of humanity's history of perceptual enslavement, the forces that have engaged in it and why, an awareness of the hidden agenda in operation on our planet for thousands of years. I was also even more aware of the galactic dimension of my being, like in those dreams where you discover, with a sense of awe and wonder, whole new floors to your house that you never knew were there. You ever had one of those dreams when you're like, oh my God, I've been living in this house forever and I never knew about these rooms, I never knew about these floors. That's why they call it awakening. It really is like when, in the middle of your day, you suddenly and vividly remember a dream you had the night before. It's like, oh my God, how could I have forgotten about that? The subconscious becomes conscious. That the subconscious becomes conscious, a bit like when you're staring at one of those images that contains a hidden message and you can't see it. But once you do see it, you can't unsee it. It's jumping out at you now and you'll always see it. So I had to compass the full scope of perceptual manipulation that we've all been subjected to, and it was so blatantly obvious and, to be honest, I felt a little late to the party when I saw how many people were already there. Perceptual manipulation is another way of saying mind control. It may sound a bit like science fiction to some people, but that's because we don't realize how mind-controlled we've been and many people still are. We don't realize how subtle and all-encompassing it's been.
Claire Lautier:Many people are now aware of the MKUltra program, a covert, secret operation conducted by the CIA which was launched in the early 1950s. Now, I grew up in Langley, virginia, which you will see in almost every movie, like every Tom Cruise, mission Impossible, any movie where the CIA is involved. They've got the drone shot of Langley Virginia CIA headquarters right. I grew up like literally next door to the CIA. I mean, if I Google Earth it now, I'm like there was my house and there's the CIA. Okay, so I think I come by this fascination honestly. I think I come by this fascination honestly. I can't believe that I grew up in such close proximity with the center of so much of this mind control.
Claire Lautier:Over the years, mkultra has become synonymous with unethical experimentation and the dark side of intelligence operations, and for very good reasons. The experiments conducted in the program involved all kinds of things the use of drugs, hypnosis, sensory deprivation, electroshock therapy and various forms of torture designed to alter mental states and control behavior. You might think, as I did at first, that this kind of experimentation was perpetrated only on a small group of unfortunate victims, but you would be wrong To give you only one example of the widespread covert imposition of mind control techniques. One of the most notorious aspects of MKUltra was the use of LSD. The CIA believed that LSD could be used to break down the resistance of subjects and manipulate their perceptions. Unwitting citizens, military personnel and even CIA employees were administered LSD without their knowledge or consent. This is all a matter of public record now. So if you don't believe me or think this crazy wild, you know, go look, it's all a matter of public record.
Claire Lautier:The existence of MKUltra remained hidden from the public until about the mid 1970s. In 1974, this investigative journalist called Seymour Hersh published an article in the New York Times exposing the CIA's illegal activities, including MKUltra, because it was by no means limited to that one program, and this revelation prompted investigations by the United States Congress concerns about the ethical implications and the potential repercussions. The CIA director, richard Helms at the time ordered the destruction of all MKUltra records. Right, oops, oh, they're gone, right. As a result, much of the documentation related to the program was destroyed, making it very difficult to ascertain the full extent of the experiments that were conducted. So, although the official end of the program is said to be 1974, do you think they stopped this kind of secret, illegal experimentation, or did it just change name and form? That's a rhetorical question. They didn't stop. They just morphed into different programs with different names and different agencies worldwide.
Claire Lautier:Now, what the creators of MKUltra and other programs knew and understood is that the basis of mind control is trauma. Trauma initiates compartmentalization in the brain. It's the brain's way of protecting us from things that are beyond our ability to process in the moment. People who were used by the MKUltra program in its most extreme subprojects those that survived testified to the fact that their psyches were deliberately fragmented through horrific trauma so that they could be used to store information that could then be accessed by another person with the right keys. Now, it would be a mistake to think that this type of experimentation was limited to a small number of people and that it had nothing to do with the rest of us. Survivors of this level of mind control are quick to warn the public that mind control is alive and well and perpetrated on the public in more subtle and widespread ways that may go undetected, having infiltrated every domain of life, through advertising, the educational system, the media, the entertainment industry and so on, via hypnotic suggestion and the use of frequencies and electromagnetic fields. We should ask ourselves whose interests are served by the majority of human beings being dominated by states of anxiety, depression, shame, guilt, fear and anger.
Claire Lautier:I'm going to be going into some subjects this season that may be uncomfortable for some people I know I said that last season, but I've only become more myself since then and I'm going to share perspectives on some far out stuff I've mostly kept to myself. See, there was that tendency to hide and stay on the surface of things. For the sake of harmony, I don't want to upset people with my podcast. Well, I'm sorry, we need to open our eyes. So hopefully I'm going to share these perspectives in a way that is grounded and you can relate to. I want to build a bridge here. After all, we have to face the ugliness so that we can take out the trash. This is like the moment where you discover that Tupperware of leftovers that you forgot about in the back of an overstuffed fridge. You know you're going to be facing a science experiment of fuzzy, foul-smelling grossness that has to be dealt with, but you feel ever so much better once you've done it.
Claire Lautier:My aim in going into these subjects is not to upset anyone or spread fear. It's quite the opposite. Knowledge is power and in order to grow beyond the point where we are now as a humanity. We need to be willing to look at what's really been going on and how it relates to the bigger picture. We need to be willing to let go of comforting belief systems that are actually rooted in extremely long-term, pervasive systems of control and disempowerment, operating at the planetary level and beyond. Operating at the planetary level and beyond, there is no Santa Claus, there is no Easter Bunny. We have to let go of childish things to become spiritually mature human beings, and this is good, because, in sacrificing our attachments to the way we thought things were, we get to discover that truth is far stranger and more wondrous than fiction, and that we humans, far from being a plague on this planet bent on self-destruction, we are actually the greatest miracle in this universe, and I mean that in a very real and literal way. We need to now remember what we've been engineered to forget. It's time to step into our power.
Claire Lautier:In other news, I recently received my certification as a natural health coach from Global Healing Institute, where they teach what no one else does, so I can now officially serve in that capacity, in addition to the support I provide, as a personal coach and spiritual growth mentor, and I'm going to be sharing a lot with you this season about the role of natural health approaches in this shifting paradigm of today, because, of course, everything is connected. We are seeing the dismantling of the old dualistic, for-profit disease systems that benefit from keeping people sick and disempowered, and a new age is dawning with a focus on health and wholeness, the detoxification of our overloaded bodies and the reactivation of our suppressed natural healing mechanism through a return to simplicity and common sense. We're also going to be seeing the introduction and widespread use of new, highly advanced natural technologies for helping us return to balance and wholeness. In fact, this is already well underway. It's really exciting and, in parallel, highly advanced natural technologies that will help heal the body of the earth, our mother, the waters and the air and our biofields, hers and ours. There's every reason to be hopeful and excited on every front. I want to emphasize that.
Claire Lautier:So if you're dealing with a health condition right now, no matter what it is, and you're scared, take a deep breath and realize that you have the power within you to heal. I'm here to listen and offer you a framework for your health journey. Starting right now, you can heal, I can help. I'll see you next time. Meanwhile, meanwhile. Walk in grace.
Claire Lautier:Thank you for joining me in the grace space, where you're always in the right place. If you love this podcast, I invite you to subscribe to it and submit a review, if you feel called to do so. Also, be sure to sign up for my newsletter using the link in the show notes. I look forward to spending this time with you again next week. Meanwhile, walk in grace.