The Grace Space
The Grace Space is your cocoon of sanity in an evolving world, a combination of storytelling, interviews, and teachings on Universal Spiritual Law, where each week Claire shares practical, actionable teachings to help you embody your true nature of freedom, authenticity, and spiritual sovereignty.
The Grace Space
Dancing On The Edge Of Darkness: Faye LaRue's Journey from Ballet to Embodied Wisdom
You're invited to listen with your whole body as movement healer Faye LaRue reveals the profound connection between trauma, sensitivity, and sovereignty.
What begins as Faye's story of being recruited into American Ballet Theater at just 17 quickly unfolds into a stunning exploration of how our deepest wounds can become portals to our greatest power.
"Trauma is the codex to psychic power," she explains, describing how traumatic experiences break us open into heightened states of sensitivity—creating both vulnerability to manipulation and access to extraordinary perception.
From narrowly avoiding Jeffrey Epstein's web of exploitation to walking away from a promising ballet career rather than surrendering her authenticity, Faye's journey illustrates the warrior's path of choosing consciousness over comfort.
The conversation ventures into territory rarely explored so openly—how forces beyond our material reality operate through disconnection and confusion, how trauma creates energetic patterns that can be siphoned by others, and how reclaiming our sovereignty requires moving beyond blame into responsible co-creation.
Rather than positioning us against some external enemy, Faye invites us to recognize the larger evolutionary process unfolding through these challenges.
What emerges is a radical reframing of healing itself.
Faye Laroux is a transformational coach, embodiment expert, and founder of Three Bodies™—a healing and training modality based in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Her work helps highly sensitive, growth-driven individuals access deeper alignment, nervous system regulation, and purpose embodiment by using the three bodies to discover, explore, and attain a fulfilling destiny trajectory.
Over the last decade, she has guided hundreds of clients through profound transformation—offering livable wisdom and tools for growth across body, mind, and spirit. Whether through 1:1 coaching, retreats, or keynote speaking, Faye’s work continues to serve those ready to lead, love, and create from their most embodied self.
As a Certified Life Mastery Consultant, yoga teacher, and Certified Natural Health Coach, I provide impactful, transformational coaching through a variety of powerful programs.
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Take a deep breath and remember there's a power breathing you. This is your space of sanity in an evolving world, where we learn about spiritual law and how to apply it to our lives in a way that is practical and life-changing. This is where we remember truth to make the world a better place, one person at a time. I'm Claire Lottier, inspirational speaker, teacher of the technology of transformation and a certified life mastery consultant and spiritual growth mentor. Welcome to the Grace Space. Today's guest is Faye LaRue, a transformational coach, movement healer and founder of Three Bodies, a powerful modality rooted in the belief that the body is the gateway to authentic, lasting transformation. Faye's path began on the stage. At just 17 years old, she was recruited into the American Ballet Theater, dedicating her life to the demanding world of classical dance. But an early injury became a turning point, revealing the deeper cost of perfection and performance. Rather than conform, faye chose to walk away and began a lifelong path of healing not just her body but the deeper systems of pressure and self-abandonment she had internalized. Since then, her journey has woven together elite movement training, hellerwerk, structural integration, broadway performance, trauma recovery and spiritual practice. From this tapestry, she created a unique methodology that helps clients move through pain, reclaim their vitality and embody their purpose with clarity and power, and I can attest to that myself from working with her Through one-on-one coaching, retreats and training programs. Based in Santa Fe, faye has guided hundreds of clients to awaken what she calls livable wisdom, using the three bodies to discover, explore and attain a fulfilling destiny trajectory.
Speaker 1:As many of you will recognize from your own journeys, the gateway to the kind of sovereignty Faye is now embodying is often betrayal. Her path, and no doubt the intensity of her light, drew her into the orbit of souls whose names are now synonymous with the darkest kinds of corruption and perversion. She danced on the edges of great peril. That brought her finally to the experience she shares in these episodes, one that emerged from an already latent pattern of grooming and psychic violation, this time by a man posing as a shaman, a wounding so intimate it tore open the veils of illusion. But this episode is not just about that trauma. It's also about the deeper intelligence of the body, the psychic imprint of predators, the traps of false healing and the moment when we choose to see. And Faye's experience speaks also to the same vibrations of psychic violation and betrayal of trust that we have lived as a collective, whether we're conscious of them or not. This is about reclaiming our discernment, not as suspicion but as a holy frequency, and beginning the descent into the underworld that ultimately transforms us. It's about reclaiming our right to the totality of our story, our light and our dark, and the necessity of integrating all parts of our experience with love. That's where the healing really comes from.
Speaker 1:You're invited to listen to this episode with your whole body. Faye, I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you for taking the time for this conversation. I'm delighted to be here about trauma lately, especially as it's related to mind control. Right, trauma as the basis for mind control, not just on the individual level, but on the collective level. Right, how trauma opens us up to being manipulated. And so you recently said something intriguing trauma is the codex to psychic power, and I wrote that down because I was like, oh, that's a phrase we got to go into. I think you have a really unique perspective on trauma, based on your own life, and I would love people to hear more about it Absolutely.
Speaker 2:You know, I think it really came through when I was in a deep healing moment, embracing a really acute trauma not really so much the ongoing trauma sort of weakened I felt in life but as I was strengthening my nervous system and was going through this healing process, what I actually realized was psychic power is heightened levels of sensitivity, and when you are traumatized you're kind of broken open into this extremely heightened level of sensitivity, which is where manipulation can come in. But it's like you have this ability to go two different ways. You are opened up to more and everything can feel inundating and everything can start to take you down and maybe simultaneously maybe it's not even an or simultaneously, you can sort of keep reaching beyond what's feeling, like it's inundating you, and actually receive messages and receive things from. You know it's hard to find words to really say because it's like not a higher place, like a better place, but a higher place, like a frequency that's higher, that in itself can feel inundating when you're so sensitive.
Speaker 2:I also found that in that it's a choice you have to make, like you can't go back and live in the normal, the normal world, if you want to keep that level of sensitivity, if you don't want to harden around.
Speaker 2:And that's where I feel like the mind control aspect can really take hold. If you start, if you kind of are ripped open, trauma like traumatized acutely or not manipulated, and then you sort of cap on that and try to function in this world that we've known before, it's going to harden and solidify. But if you start to readjust your life to live in a sensitive place, to be more sensitive than most people, and you start to actually let it change your lifestyle which I feel like is where we're going, where everyone's going, or that's the choice we're going to be able to make at some point collectively that's what then changes the world. That's what then changes what the world looks like. But the bravery to be, you know, of the pioneering set to be like I'm not going to go back to that world. I'm going to like keep listening to that guidance, that sort of psychic level of heightened sensitivity, and start letting my life shape around. What I'm going to need to do to keep that connection and never let that connection go.
Speaker 1:Okay, super powerful what you just said, and it brings to mind a book that I read on Shambhala and the spiritual warrior, where he says that the warrior is so raw the warrior's heart is almost like outside of his chest that it's so raw, so sensitive, that life is so beautiful, so painfully beautiful. That's another way of describing artists, too, I think, and that is you know, that is your background, you're an artist and I'd love to hear more about your background and your world and you know how you came into relationship with trauma and integration of trauma the way that you have. But yeah, and I want to point to what you also said, the last time about to be traumatized is to be opened up, and that sounds like, yeah, opened up for better, for worse, and we have to decide. You know how we're going to channel that opening Absolutely.
Speaker 2:I mean it goes back to the. You know things happen for you, not to you, you know it's like it goes back to that choice, that opportunity. Everything's an opportunity and I, in my life personally, I felt like the Everything's an opportunity and in my life personally, I felt like the traumas I endured through childhood and those were not, as I didn't have as much of an opportunity because they were smaller and more deeply layered and more generationally, coming through the womb centers. It was more adopted and conditioned and the acute trauma was actually the moment. You know, as much as society wants to be like that's bad. I mean, it did not feel great at all and it was very isolating and it was the opposite, instead of the sort of baseline conditioning and programming that we're all dealing with.
Speaker 2:It was the rip open. It was the rip open and, to be honest, it felt at times that I was ripped open to this wound I was seeking to find and because I was so ripped open, the wound was absolutely just splayed out and almost oozing and it felt disgusting. You know, and there's all these layers to really embracing the scope Again, if you really want to step into your power, like the scope of who we are and the scope of what we're connected to and the depth of the disgust that you have willing to sit with. That's was in me and we had sort of ripped open to like be viewed and if that you know. I know these are like it's hard to find words to really articulate this, but it's, it's a feeling, it's a sensation and it's a real thing you go through I think it's beautifully articulated and you know it speaks to this, the, the, the, this, the nature of our universe.
Speaker 1:Right, We've talked about this like the structure of light and how the sine wave travels on both sides of the line, and the further away it goes in one direction, the further away it goes in the opposite direction. And that, you know, the light and the shadow and the integration of light and shadow is intrinsic in the structure of our universe and therefore it's intrinsic in our healing. It's just part of it. Right, and so embracing the disgust, right, as you say, like this raw, wide open, oozing, maggot-filled wound. Right, Like embracing all the parts of ourselves without judgment, that seems to be the hardest part. Right, Because we have an immediate judgment, and I love what you said once about you know, there's no right or wrong, there's no good or bad, even in trauma, you know, and this is evidenced by so many people who have gone through absolutely horrific things, but their light is that much brighter because of the experience that they've been able to integrate with love, and it sounds like the same is true for you.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I think it also points to that warrior comment you made. I mean and I think it also points to that warrior comment you made I mean warriorism, true warriorism, it is the scope of what you're willing to embrace, because then we can also go into the subject of destiny. And when you have a mission and there's certain darknesses you have to participate in, there is no right wrong, good, bad. Darknesses you have to participate in, there is no right, wrong, good, bad. It's. It's truth inside your body and what you need to do, to lay down what you are supposed to do, and only you will ever know, only you will ever really know. You get guidance, you get and you know. You and you're like your path.
Speaker 2:Um, so I I do think that there's, it's not not, it's yes, holding it. There's no right and wrong, there's no good or bad by laws of the universe. Just here Do we like to say things are good, bad, right or wrong. But if you really want to again step into that path beyond here, step into your psychic ability to listen and be guided, to getting done and laying down what you need to lay down on the planet this time or clean up what you're trying to clean up this time. Whatever it is all of the above, you do have to embrace a certain level of not just integrating the darkness that's with you but, to a certain extent, the way that we participated and create the darkness as a way to know the light.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. That's such an important thing that you just said. You know that we've participated the way that we've participated and are complicit somehow in everything that we experience. Right and again, the tendency that we have is to jump on that right away and be like, well, but that's blame, you know that's. That's victim blaming or victim shaming or no. That's not what we're talking about and I'd love to hear you elaborate on that.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's a really. I love this subject because when I came out of this trauma which we'll get to I mean I had such in strong feelings of knowing that it had come from within me, somehow, like I I just knew these. I just had this sort of I felt like I was carrying a plate around with like this thing that had happened and I was like, what do I do with this? What do I do like? And you want to blame. If it's not their fault, it's my fault, if it's not my fault, it's their fault. You get stuck in this blame and that's where you get stuck. You have to go beyond that and this is the world that we're in now. We're going to have to go beyond. It's nobody's fault. So if it's nobody's fault, here I was with this like plate, like okay, then what do I do with this thing? And I mean, I've shared this with you already, claire, but in my work with you, you really gave me that peace, because it's movement.
Speaker 2:It comes back to being able to move an energy, to be able to move information. This is all information that needs to be integrated into our bodies, into our psyche, into our spiritual existence, and then powerfully moved, cleaned, moved. There are different, different words you can use, but it really is an energetic movement. You can really feel the weight of things starting to move and it has to move through your body to a certain extent, like it has to move through the channels that we have, because we really are the information bridge, so that information being transferred into the earth is being transferred through the earth back out, like this is. It's a movement, and you have to be able to learn how to move that, that stuff. So you can't.
Speaker 2:So then it comes back to the blame thing. You can't hold on to it. You want to hold, I mean, we want to hold on to it, because do you know how much society loves to eat up you being a victim forever? They love, oh, my god, love. That was yeah, with this thing where it's like I could, I don't want that, I won't do that. And so for a few years, as I was continuing to heal, I was just sort of felt a bit like well, what do I, if I don't want to sit and I don't want to be a victim, if I don't want to be a victim, I'm going to have to let go of this. Well, that's really going to be hard. It's going to be really hard to let go of that. So how do I let go of it? Where does it go? What's? How do I eat it up? How do I eat this? Because it felt like again, it was on a plate and I'm like I'm not quite sure how to start eating this.
Speaker 1:I love that image. Well, you know, we really are at this choice point in society where we have to make a decision, as you say, to move beyond being caught in the polarities right, and it's almost like there's a force out there that has a vested interest in keeping us polarized, because if it can keep us polarized then we'll never get beyond the right, wrong, good, bad, division, right. We will never be whole if we cannot get beyond that.
Speaker 2:We will never not be confused. For me, confusion is actually, yes, trauma is maybe the way that they make you confused, or you get confused, but when you stay confused, that's when you're manipulatable. Confusion, is it? It's like I don't know exactly who I am, I don't know exactly what to do, so then you start taking outside information as got, but not higher information as guidance you start taking, and I I believe that this confusion is where, like, that's the big thing. If you feel confused at all, that's when you know you're vulnerable.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's when you know you're caught up in your mind and you've lost a connection with your heart, because the heart is never confused. It's only the mind that gets confused.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I do think, though, that we have, for the most part, like I didn't have a strong connection to my heart you know that's that or to my power, to my power, the heart might be guidance. There's also power. There's a place you can plug into literal power in your body, and when that is unplugged, if you don't have a connection to your power, it can be taken, and that was really what I experienced. That's really what I, like I didn't have a strong connection. I was going for a connection, I was looking for it, but in the meantime of not having it, I got into a bad situation where it was just completely taken.
Speaker 1:Well, I would love to talk more about that Now. Maybe a good way to start would be by saying that, well, Faye is a person of rare kinesthetic and energetic awareness. Okay, I mean, you really have a rare level of subtlety when it comes to kinesthetic energetic awareness. So can you tell us about your background and your relationship to the body and how you've learned from the body as a vessel? Absolutely.
Speaker 2:I love this because I do have a sort of a delightful connection to movement through my body. I started dancing when I was three, begging, begging, jumping up and down, begging to get into ballet class, where my sister was taking, and my mom was like you can't start too young, you need to be able to focus while you're in there. And it did become a deep place of focus and it became a deep love. But I grew up dancing, but not just dancing, but training. I grew up training my body to do what I wanted it to do from my mind. So I studied anatomy books as a kid and would learn how the muscles functioned and use my mind to try to go hone each very, very intrinsic, deep muscle the way I wanted to.
Speaker 2:Because ballet is a very specific art form with what you have to do with. You know your body becomes the shape of it and how you develop the line, but it also you know, the more technical you can get with ballet, the more expressive you can get. These two things go together with ballet, which is where the um, the delight came in, where the more technical you could get, the more you could express yourself. So I was yeah, I mean I grew up training. I also was a very, very sensitive child and there was trauma in my family. I didn't know that at the time, but I dove into ballet as my sort of place of safety inside my body, not just even ballet, it's like you can almost look at it like bubbles. Inside my own body was my own existence and then inside of ballet was a bubble that actually is quite dark, has a lot of misogyny and has a lot of grooming and has a lot of there's. It's voiceless. You are, you know, the culture of ballet is quite steeped in some really not evolved, not not, we'll just say that. Not an evolved situation, not in a lot of evolved people, to the contrary, really to make it happen and what people have done to get to stardom.
Speaker 2:And when you think about it, I mean ballet was, it's entertainment. We were, you know, we were not. Ballet was is not this as much as it loves to play onto this elite high art, and it is a high art, but at the same time we were entertainers in the cold. That's ultimately where ballet comes from. But yet, at the same time, the technique of ballet, there's medicine. You learn how energy moves in spirals. You learn how to use gravity. You learn how to use your weight to rise through these very center places within you and, more than anything, when it comes to grace, you learn how you have to consciously, with your mind, let go, because balance and grace and choices are equal measure to what you're activating and what you're letting go of. And that is the metaphor for every other aspect of life, and this is what I teach now. It's like it's not about ballet, but there is a medicine in there that can be translated to every being that walks the planet.
Speaker 1:That's very profound. In New York and I was working with this amazing woman, martha Yoshida, who taught a method that she created called Yoshida Technique. It was all about resistance bands, and I had profound understandings lying on the floor of her apartment on Amsterdam Avenue wrapped up in resistance bands, where she'd be asked me to spiral through something you know lengthen reach through, and I would just my mind would explode sometimes with these, these amazing understandings that they were truth as experienced in in the body. I don't know how to explain it any other way.
Speaker 2:It's so true. I mean, I know that is exactly because you can't. You actually can't know anything outside of the body you have to know. The only way to know your truth is through your body, comes through you, even into your consciousness, through your physical body. Your body always knows the truth. Your body does, and in order to unravel it, experience it. Using resistance is key. Now we have resistance in gravity alone, but we have a lot of other things we can create resistance with. Like, when you move against resistance, you learn things and again, that's a metaphor when you bump up against resistance in your psyche, when there's pressure on your psyche, you have a choice to go two different ways. You can crumble underneath of it and lose your mind, which you see happening all over the place, or you strengthen, you meet it, you don't back down, and then you eventually hone yourself to get stronger and stronger and stronger.
Speaker 1:This is such an incredible teaching. I mean it's it is so fractal, right. I mean we can just examine this aspect of of movement, this aspect of the body, and we find the whole universe is right there absolutely, and it's within you. No one else can do it for you so, uh, tell us more about, um, about how you learned through your body before the event, the sort of maximally traumatizing event that we're going to get to and after, and how ballet was a sort of path of grooming in all of that Absolutely Okay.
Speaker 2:Well, I'll start with saying that, like I got recruited by American Ballet Theater, I got, but it felt like almost like a betrothal I I, you know it's interesting because I didn't know it at the time. But then, looking back, I got asked to take class with the company. It was such a big deal that they liked me. I was so nervous and I was so young, you know, and all the company members are there and it's just this weird like are they going to take me? So just that energy right of wanting to be taken, wanting to be in a way owned, owned, because then once they own you which which it is that vibe then they shape you, they make your career, they, you know, they. You're inside this bubble, you're inside this dysfunctional family in the way that it and unlike, say, gymnastics or even acting, or first of all, you're allowed to have more of a voice and both, both of things, even though gymnastics itself as a performance doesn't use your voice. Ballet works more, as in this sort of company way, where the company makes you know you aren't really responsible anymore for your path. The company becomes slightly responsible. You have to do your thing and you have to abide by what they want you to do. Do your thing and you have to abide by what they want you to do. So that started my process of getting in and then being already being like again, pressure, pressure being applied. I was 17 when I moved to New York by myself and and again, I'm not going to go deep into my, my family stuff, but that's another whole layer of like. My parents were not part of that my life, you know, they just sort of disappeared. I was on my own, so I was. I was vulnerable and I had never been. I moved from being sort of in this hyper controlled environment to just best of luck to you out in New York City and I I walked alongside some very interesting you know, and I'll say that I believe that my path in this lifetime, in this particular timeline, it was always going to take me into this darkness because I skimmed little places that I had no idea at the time. For instance, I was recruited by Jeffrey Epstein, my best friend, my who spent a season with a BT and became my best friend. We were roommates. Then a BT didn't rehire her, so she was vulnerable.
Speaker 2:Out in New York City. She got recruited by Jeffrey Epstein. She actually started working for him. This is, you know, someone who was my, my closest friend and at this point we kind of started veering off from being closest friends because she was having a whole nother world. But she set up one of those fake photo shoots, um, recruiting a, recruiting a bunch of beautiful young women. Jeffrey Epstein walked into the room.
Speaker 2:I, as soon as Jeffrey Epstein walked into the room, I stopped performing.
Speaker 2:We were doing like you know, posing for and he walked in flanked by two beautiful women, and I just immediately stopped and like leaned up against the bar and sort of matched his arrogance, I'll say, for lack of a better word, I was like I'm not performing for you, and you know, I think this is where I'm aware that my connection to my body gave me some level of deep confidence in me.
Speaker 2:But I also had this other deep incompetence, this lack of belief in myself, this lostness that did come from my parents, not really being a part of my life or really feeling supported in what I was doing, or, you know, all of these other ways in which I slowly was being deteriorated in these other levels, got into really abusive relationships that just sort of deteriorated my, my psyche and with all the gaslighting and the abuse coming in from these really insidious ways, it all just compiled. But early on, when I still had this young like and an amazing trajectory at ABT, you know I was going to be a star. You know I had this sort of confidence about me and I had this strength in my body that didn't lead me to being taken down.
Speaker 1:Then it took more time to ultimately be taken down, right, right, yeah, but it was almost like a, you know, a close shave, a precursor, a shadow of something that was to come Right, sort of brushing up against this dark world of exploitation. No idea.
Speaker 2:And absolutely, absolutely Brushing up, basically walking right alongside of it and it's right there, this deep ravine, and I'm just walking the edge for a long time and I managed to. I managed to stay from you know kind of cling on and not be taken down off the edge um a lot, until it was like I mean, until I was actually like drugged and like physically dragged down.
Speaker 1:Right. More on that, anon. Uh, as we say Um so um, can you just sort of uh, help us out with a little timeline there, like about when, what period was this? When you were a, you know, a young dancer, a star at ABT, and that you were, you side swiped Jeffrey Epstein, and what time around? What time was that?
Speaker 2:So I was sort of a young starling, I'd say I never really reached. I never reached stardom at ABT. I left because of the pressure. So that was started in 99, when I was 17. And by the time I was 22, 2003, I was having panic attacks. Going to work I was, you know, my back was killing me. I was emotionally distraught.
Speaker 2:I was in my first abusive relationship with somebody who was a closet drug addict and I was just unraveling that, figuring that out, didn't know. And I'm, you know, and I'm young and alcohol has been, you know, exposed in my life. So I'm using that to sort of function and everybody else is going out, you know, everybody else is using it and I'm trying to have friends and, you know, live a life. And so there were a lot of pieces to get, to get to a place where I felt backed up against a wall. You know they were kind of suggesting that I get a breast reduction at the back, like they started to suggest I mutilate my body, that I wasn't good enough with how I was to get to where I wanted to go and to get to what had been. The carrots that have been were dangling out in front of me and then it was dating somebody in the company, a star, getting us together to have this star trajectory. But he was gay, but it didn't matter. And that's when I just started to feel like I confused, confused, backed against a wall and out of control and rather than sort of succumb. So here I go again.
Speaker 2:Rather than succumbing to that, I walked out the door. I don't know how I did it, I don't know where. That again guidance, like how I got out. I literally just left. I left the building one day when I was 22 and I never went back. I walked out to the street and got a taxi and was just sort of like I didn't you know something else had come over me. I picked up my bags and just walked out the door. What do you think that was Guidance? I think that was guidance and I think that was ego too. I did not want to be put in a box. I did not like the feeling of needing to you know sort of grovel to be liked and pleased. I didn't like it. It rubbed me the wrong way. I didn't quite know how to do it. I had this rebellious fuck you in me.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, it sounds like you know. You mentioned that you came from an environment of total control and then you were in New York, but it sounds like you were in another environment of total control at ABT.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, oh yeah, and people are miserable. You know we're, we're, we're having. It's so amazing to be able to express yourself through an art form. You have sacrificed your life for. It's hard to let go of that and you don't really have much else going on in life because you take so much of your life to get there.
Speaker 1:So what did you do then? How did you transition out of the world of ballet, which was all consuming, and how did you start to build a life from there?
Speaker 2:Oh messy. I went to and this is again where the alternate calling kind of started to come in and I resisted it quite a bit and have resisted it off and on my you know through my life. But I went to Mount Shasta, I took myself into nature. I've always been kind of nature girl and loved nature. But I left New York city and went to heal without knowing that I was going to heal. Um, went to nature, did things with, I found, kind of fell into a group of friends that were rock climbing and snowboarding and doing a bunch of things I couldn't do as a dancer and I just I taught myself how to meditate and I just existed out, you know. And that was the beginning of my healing.
Speaker 2:And then at some point, you know, I was fortunate that I had some sort of a because of my back injury. I got a big settlement without trying, it just literally kind of arrived to me. So I had this window of time to go heal and I had money to, you know. And then it came to a point where it's like, well, what are you going to do? So I came off the mountain back into San Francisco where I started training with an old coach of mine, I started getting back into shape to go get a job and I went to audition for Boston Ballet. And this is a layered story. But I had actually met that director in Italy one of my summers when I was staying in shape and training. I was doing gyrotonics with Pinar Carboni, which is one of the founders of gyrotonics, where now they don't, they don't talk. But Mika, the, the director of uh Boston ballet, came out cause they were best friends Um had totally with a girlfriend, was absolutely like just pressuring me, the two of those men you know pressuring me. So here I go, audition for this guy. You know, a couple of years later, super kind of stressed out about it. But this is ballet. There's only so many ballet companies you can go audition for and guess what? You pretty much start to know everybody and they're all in it together. They're all you know.
Speaker 2:So long story short, I kind of did this similar thing I did with, like, the Jeffrey Epstein thing, where it came time at the end of the class for me to like really put it on and perform and I just couldn't do it. I just in me could not go perform for this man. That was a total misogynist worked with a casting couch. I just could not do. I once again leaned on the back of the bar, was like, yeah, I'm not gonna not doing it. So I still got a job offer, like you know, like we can break her later, it's fine.
Speaker 2:I remember having I think at that time I had spent just enough time away in nature with normal people, with other types of people, that when I got into the dressing room and I saw how thin the girls were and I saw the way they looked at themselves in the mirror, I was just like I can't do this anymore, I don't want to do this, and I really don't think I was capable of squeezing myself back into that box. So it was back in San Francisco and I again was like, well, now, what, what do you do? And so I moved myself back to New York, because this is where my friends were, my world was, and I got a bartending job and I did some jobs and some work and this is where I found, this is where my alternate work started. I've got a gift certificate for a Heller work session. Heller work is Joseph Heller's take on the Rolf, like he was Ida Rolf's very first student, but he was a NASA engineer and physicist. He really understood the body as the subconscious mind.
Speaker 2:So when I was getting this first session in a apartment in the West Village in New York, I you know it was all about what inspired, like opening up the diaphragm, opening up this whole section of the body. What inspires inspires you and then my practitioner, being like inspiration. The literal meaning of inspiration is to take breath in and, you know, just framing, the framing of how I could use my body to live my life and the ways that I wanted to align with the ways that I wanted to, and to start to literally feel anger, leaving and coming to the surface of the more she worked through these tissues of my body and the way that she, the dialogue process of that whole thing. I remember leaving her apartment the first time feeling like I was floating, walking down the city, the street, you know, just like the beauty of the city, and I loved New York. I mean it had become my home. And I remember thinking I don't know what this is, but it's amazing and I'm doing more of it. And she had invited me. She's like Joseph Heller's doing his last training, I think she phrased it as I know you don't know what you're doing with your life.
Speaker 2:You would be really good at this work and at the time again, I think then I was 23 or 24.
Speaker 2:I knew in my bones I was like, yep, I'm doing it, not because I wanted to go become a practitioner. Really it was because I wanted more of it on my body, I wanted more freedom. And it was incredible training and I thought I ultimately will have this skill I can do for money and it has absolutely become the baseline of my work. I mean, and I've worked on hundreds of bodies now and it's amazing work but I didn't do it at the time because I was having a job, a career change. In fact, because of that work, I learned what fluidity really was, that there's a big difference between flexibility and fluidity. I learned about how to the consciousness of letting go, that I actually learned what pressure was like the only pain is resistance to pressure and like how release works and that metaphor of release teaching your, teaching your body to release from your mind under pressure when you want to fight, and what that does to the energies, the emotional energies of your body, and how you start to let things go.
Speaker 1:All that stuff I mean, just I mean just like, can we just visit that for a moment? Because I mean, I, first of all, I think it's funny how you and I met through coaching, but like we discovered that we had all of these things in common, like gyrotonic expansion system. I was a gyrotonic teacher. I was in that world for 12 years, very deeply, very intensively, and then Kundalini Yoga. You know, we both went through that training, both teachers, and both practiced it, and so there are a lot of points that are.
Speaker 1:But what struck me a few minutes ago is something that you said, that Bruno Heller said about the body being the subconscious mind, and this is something I've been saying for years. Right, like the body is it literally is the out picturing of the subconscious mind, and that's why it's so interesting. You know, as a teacher or a body worker, somebody who you know receives people who come in, they speak so loud with their bodies without realizing what they're saying, right? I mean, it really is like a whole universe that tells you so much about a person and it's very, it's very touching, it's very moving, because the person is not conscious of what they are revealing through their body, and I'd love to hear you talk a little bit more about the body as the subconscious and this letting go and resistance.
Speaker 1:And just one more thing I think it's through Kundalini Yoga that I learned the most about this relationship between letting go so that the body can open up, so that an energy can move right, because you realize that when you're doing something in Kundalini yoga for those who have never taken Kundalini yoga class, for example you can be holding a posture for a very long time and right away your mind is going to start coming up with all these reasons why you should take your arms down or, you know, like, get out of the posture or whatever, because you're not comfortable with it.
Speaker 1:And you think that the problem is in your body. You think that it's because you can't hold your arms up, that your arms aren't strong enough or whatever. And actually over time you realize that it's the issue is not in the body, it's in the mind and in the energy fields somehow, and that if you learn to surrender and open up and let go and release the resistance that you have to the posture or to the feeling that you're experiencing something else, like a new energy comes in and takes over and enables you to do something that you thought physically you were not capable of doing so. That's how I learned about how that plays out in the body, but I'd love to hear your take on it, faye.
Speaker 2:Sure, I mean, and yes to all those things. Um, I guess where it started for me is when you have an elbow in your thigh that's touching your, your femur bone, through the layers of tissue. It's in a very intense, acute moment of the. And then you have your practitioner say the only pain is resistance. You're like, okay, yeah, exactly, you're sweating, you're, you know you, but you are, you know. Then we can get into the subject. But you are, you have the choice to receive that pressure. You have the, you have, and it feels so good to let go.
Speaker 1:Only pain is resistance. Can we just carve that on? I need to put that on my bathroom mirror. The only pain is resistance.
Speaker 2:This is true in the body, it's true in every domain of life, the mind and in the spirit, Exactly the only, and so, therefore, it's like the only way that you are experiencing pain is through your experience, is through your and we could go segue into the programming and conditioning around resisting, and that resistance is also what creates trauma. Let's get into that. What creates trauma? Let's get into that because think about you know so, when you're well, I could jump into my acute trauma, where I've taken a look, where it's like the more I was resisting what was happening to me, the crazier I was, getting, the more frustrated the more, the more my mind was leaving me because it was getting more and more wrapped up in.
Speaker 2:This is bad, this is wrong. This is why is this happening to me. Why is this happening to me? What did I do wrong to have to have ended up? You know you're, if you keep clinging on and you fight and you fight, and you fight and you fight, well, guess what? You start fighting yourself. You're not fighting. What's happening? The fight starts to go inside. Once that's happening, you don't need anybody to fight, push up against you anymore. You're doing it all on your own.
Speaker 1:Well, because it is inside anyway, isn't it? I mean, isn't that? This is like the? This is like the zero point, zero point where you realize everything out there is just you. Yeah, I mean, this is profound. This is like the, this is like the.
Speaker 2:The center of the toroidal yes, yes and guess how you get there? Through the body always.
Speaker 1:Tell me more.
Speaker 2:Well, like what you were saying. So, and having somebody's elbow on my, you know, this is where it started for me. Having it's that going deeper, deeper, deeper, under that pressure, where, where does it end? It doesn't really, you know. You go right to the as far in. You can keep going into the depths of your body because, guess what? The body is a portal. That's right, it's in the body. The body is the portal.
Speaker 1:That's right. And the form, the material, is just an illusion, right? You think it's the hard bone and it stomps there? No, that's right.
Speaker 2:How you get to the portal is by feeling the hardness. So if you're willing to feel, feel, go deeper. Feel, feel, feel. Take your mind into the body.
Speaker 1:Eventually, with practice, you go all the way through eventually, with practice, you go all the way through, wow, okay, so this is getting super cosmic because I mean, like you know, not only do we think of the universe as being out there to infinity, right, but the universe is also in here to infinity, inward to infinity. And this is the implosion that I was talking about in the episode on heart implosion how the energy, the field of the heart can turn inside out, right, but I suspect it's, that's the whole universe that, like everything, can turn inside out.
Speaker 2:I? I think so and I you know. It's interesting that conversation, because I've recently been feeling a new layer of what that? Because I work with the direction, with directing energy, movement. I work with movement at the at, in every level. It's all about movement. Your life is a movement on, on these really subtle layers, on these big layers. Like you, you're born and you're breathing. You are in movement until you pass. You know you, your whole life is a movement that's directed by these really subtle ways in which your diaphragm ebbs and flows, in which the thought patterns pattern the movement of that pattern and how you can change that pattern. I mean, everything is a movement.
Speaker 2:And so if you take a look at what a lot of people struggle with relationship wise, this, the words that are often used are narcissism and empath, internalizing versus projecting, and I've been to you know then how you can feel like so many people who, who are hypersensitive, who have this like attunement to psychic ability, but they're absorbing, absorbing the energies, only going in, they're absorbing all this stuff. That's not that, the energies. It's like you. You have to figure out how to find that balance of outward in which also goes back to the conversation of being a warrior and being able to take out that sword and kill when you need to because it's not all love and light and butterflies means you're good, because again, that's still this layer of good, bad, right, wrong, as if that's not how it is. I mean, to be a warrior is to know when it's your turn to kill.
Speaker 2:And you will have to do it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there is no morality, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there is no morality. Parts no To parts of yourself to other, you know I, yeah, I mean there's so many I could. That's a rabbit hole. I could go down and talk about different points there, but what? What you asked me about was that that direction of it, that internally, like how energy can come inward and be you can move through the portal. On that level it also you can move through the portal and come outward, I mean, and you have to be able to attune to both and know when it's your turn to not internalize. You know there's only if it's internalizing and digesting and like shaping you into something that you're not. You have to know that. You know that's, that's what you know, because we digest everything for the body, yes, but if you're still letting it shape you into something that you're not, that isn't your true. You've absorbed something that isn't yours Because, again, the programming and conditioning is telling you that you're a better person for doing that.
Speaker 1:Right, right, then that's on the mental level. Okay, guys, I just have to say right now that I mean, if you're listening to this, then you're not seeing all of the movement of hands and arms that is happening, that Wes Faye and I are talking and that I'm having the experience. This is the power that Faye has when she's working with people. As I'm speaking, as we're having this conversation now, I'm feeling in my body what she's talking about and it's getting kind of hard to articulate things verbally because I'm having so many downloads inside my body that is knowing the truth that I can't keep up with it on a verbal level to articulate what's actually happening. But we keep making these gestures right, when you were just talking about I can't even remember what you said with it on a verbal level to articulate what's actually happening, but we keep making these gestures.
Speaker 1:Right, when you were just talking about, I can't even remember what you said anymore. I just know the truth of it that if you've got something inside that isn't yours, right, and it's forming you, it's making you into something that isn't true right, that isn't true, that means it doesn't align with your infinite nature right, with the truth. Then it has to be evacuated with your infinite nature, right With the truth, then it has to be evacuated, right, it has to be, it has to go out and go through, but you have to understand that you have to circulate your own energy Am I?
Speaker 1:getting that right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have to circulate your own energy and you also have to learn how to take, how to expel and be like okay. So what would it be then? What would it look like? What would it feel like you always have to go back to feeling? What would it feel like to have not absorbed that, to not have the pattern of absorbing what's not mine, that have taken on and absorbed toxicity?
Speaker 1:what would it be like to reverse that pattern and feel and like literally not have taken it on and oh, so it's almost like you go back to another layer of yourself, of your blueprint. It's funny because I've heard that this, this kind of thing associated with certain med bed technologies, where they take you back to a layer of yourself before something happened, before you absorbed something. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:what would have happened had I not done like, and the energy went a different way and I, literally, you can almost visualize yourself walking out of that reality layer which is timeline shifting. Oh right, that is how you step in my latest ability to articulate and under my latest understanding, that is how you timeline shift is. You have to go back and it comes through the nerve body. The nerve body is this, you know, is the floating body of the light and information, and it doesn't care. Your nerve body has no, it's just delighted to be alive, to exist, it's existing in space and it's like happy. You don't care.
Speaker 1:It's like the honey badger.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it totally is and it's. You know, it's this vibrant, like, well, there's electricity, there's electricity in it, there's things happening, it's lighting up because of all the different things happening. If you can live in that nerve, that's how you can transfer yourself through that nerve body where then, like you didn't take it in, so the body is receiving, receiving, receiving and rather than this programming, conditioning that like takes it and absorbs it. You sidestep you, you just experience it and step, literally, step into like another and then, like, walk out of that that reality. Be like, be like I got all the information I needed, cause you go through these things for a reason Right.
Speaker 1:So that's the that's letting go, yeah Right, so that's allowing something whatever it is that's coming up in the moment, uh to to pass right through you. In a way, you receive the information, you get, you get the learning, but you don't have to hold on to the energy and let it shape or twist you into something that you're not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and it's a pattern, because that's like, that's like a deep energetic pattern that I, that I think you could see, and that goes back to sort of the forces that we were, we've touched on and we'll get in this conversation, the forces that are way beyond the planet, that are working through people. Okay, yeah, but that's how that, that's what that is, that's part of what that is. That is where the siphoning and how you start to get disconnected from yourself and where your power starts to be taken.
Speaker 2:Like fully taken in that moment, but starts to be. You start to be fed off of what was away.
Speaker 1:Yeah, siphoned off, as you say, right, okay, let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:Let's talk about. What are these forces? How would you describe them? Also difficult to put words to. How would I describe them?
Speaker 2:So what I saw, again in my acute trauma situation, what I started to understand and see very clearly was that there is a fight for this planet. It's not really about the humans. We're just here. Yes, we are like. We're like the way I describe it sometimes. We're like trees that are growing, that are rooted, that pull, that have a lot of earth energy coming and a lot of earth wisdom and a lot.
Speaker 2:I mean, we have so much love coming and creation, which is, I think, the essence of power, is this creative ability, which is why everybody wants it, because we can create and because of just this unique tree that we are, where we have a mind and fingers and things that we can actually do to then further extract resources from the earth or further beautify the earth.
Speaker 2:I mean we can be taken either way, but really what I see is like it's there's a there's a fight for this planet and we are just a part of the earth.
Speaker 2:I mean we come from the earth and we go back to the earth, like, so using us is just that to get really to the resource that planet earth is, the creative force that planet earth is. So what I see and have seen and it's interesting because as I go about just about to say this, I can feel the incredible presence around me Um nature, both light and dark. I feel the don't, I can feel the block. They can move through people, they occupy people. They, you know, the more disconnected you, the more you sort of sell your soul along the way, unknowingly, and then knowingly depend. You know it goes in layers. Then you know you're, they're just, you're just being used and to a certain extent, and that's where the energy vampires and when you know, when people want to get stuck with blame this person, that this person and that person's bad and that person's bad, and I'm just like, well, you know what? It's really much bigger than that it's.
Speaker 1:It's actually that's like getting Sorry, I just missed what you said because of Zoom.
Speaker 1:I said it's really not about the person, oh my God. No, I mean, that's like getting stuck in politics, which is very. We've got to get over that now, guys. It's really, really small.
Speaker 1:If you think politics is what's actually happening here, you know it's just a distraction. So, this energy that we're talking about, I mean you know different people would describe it differently, maybe use different names, but yeah, I mean, you know different people would describe it differently, maybe use different names. But yeah, I mean I think we're all starting to understand. Remember, wake up to the fact that there's another layer, at least several layers, that are in the invisible let's say invisible to most people that consume our energy, and that we are providing energy and we're, in a way, there's like a parasitical force that feeds off of humans. But, as you say, you know, really what they want is is the, the earth, the planet, what? What is this? What is this energy? How do you interpret it? And I mean, personally, I feel like this is, this is on its way out, that we're actually gaining a lot of ground because we're remembering who, who we are, and we're reclaiming our power and our sovereignty, but we're so accustomed to living under this energy that we've really never known anything else.
Speaker 2:I, yeah, it's almost as if, like we have never known anything else is still like we have never known anything else is still um, it's like if the, if I see, I see humanity, almost like this, uh this energy blob, that, this energy blob.
Speaker 2:It just sort of wraps around planet earth and exists in as like a mate, an ebb and flow and a matrix. I mean there's within that entirety is is all of consciousness, right? Is all of our unconscious? It's also, it all exists in there already, all the darkness of everything that humanity has ever done and all of the light that humanity has ever tapped into and carries, you know. So we're all connected to all of that, which is how we can continue to create the things we don't like. Right, Like this is how we continue to sort of. And then there's I feel like in a way, there's almost a layer being created above and it's your.
Speaker 2:It began again, become, becomes a bit of your choice, of how you want to embrace, embrace how responsible you want to be for this reality, to then get to another reality, to be able to live in another whole frequency. But that takes training. Again, it goes back to like you don't just some people do go through these really dramatic kundalini openings and it's really painful for them, like it's really because you haven't had time to train the rest of your body into that reality, into that existence, and it's like this. So there's a training process that goes on, because the whole physicality, your whole physicality, has to go through training. But your mind has to go through training. It's that spiritual warrior kind of training where it's like you can, it's there, it's available, but you kind of have to reach for it every day and become. It's a lifestyle choice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, I mean, we're all, because we live on the planet and because the planet is evolving, evolved, and the frequency has already changed we're just trying to get with the program right. I mean, our bodies are trying to adapt to this massive influx of spiritual energy and plasma while at the same time, our physical vessels have really been attacked, assaulted, weakened by all of the, by, you know, the pollution and toxicity in the environment and the vectors through which it's delivered. So, you know, we're trying to, like, ascend under the toughest conditions, materially speaking, that imaginable, you know. And yet we're doing it, it's happening. And I think I mean we're doing it, it's happening, and I think I mean we're going, whether we, whether we want to or not, right, and so, again, resistance. The only pain is resistance in this process.
Speaker 2:Right. And so then, what came to mind when you're saying that is yeah, it's about letting go, and letting go is not something that we do that easily. It there's a skill to it. Letting go is not something that we do that easily. There's a skill to it. There's a skill and there's various techniques. And there's technologies, for instance, kundalini, yoga and other, like using your body to learn how to skillfully and very technically and masterfully learn the process of what it is to let go, get really familiar with it, practice it on the regular and aiming for what you want, which is all those other practices that you do. It's like you have to have both, and you could take a look at that as shadow and light, activating, releasing. I mean just, it's a dual thing that and they talk that like the warrior path is walking that neutral, that deep ravine line, just staying there, knowing that you're doing both all the time.
Speaker 1:It's almost like it's a distillation process, a distillation of your heart, soul, essence, from the rest of it. The more you let go of what isn't true, what isn't real, the more the true the true, the essence of what we are, seems to just naturally emerge. But as you say, you know, letting go is not what we do naturally. It isn't. Resist is what we do naturally, because that's what we were taught to do Exactly.
Speaker 2:That's the programming and conditioning to do.
Speaker 1:Exactly that's the programming and conditioning. So, faye, what happened to you that was such an important part of this awakening to even deeper layers of the work that you? Now you know what comprises the work that you do now, what was it that happened? And again just want to bring it back to what you were saying before about this is neither right nor wrong, good nor bad. In any of this right and when we talk about they in quotes, or this energy or this force that preys upon or parasitical force, we're not talking about us versus them. We're not saying that it's bad and wrong. We're saying it is part of the light and the dark, it is part of the resistance that we receive which is catalyzing our evolution. I guess we could say so tell us about what happened to you.
Speaker 1:Next time you'll hear the story of what happened to Faye during a fateful trip to Peru and how the disorientation and devastation of those events set her off on a journey of deep questioning and healing. We've traveled far in part one into the territory of deception, where manipulation was masked as healing, where trauma became entangled with trust and where the soul began to whisper through the body's pain. Faye has opened the door to a deeper alchemy. Now and in part two we'll step through it. We'll hear the story of what happened to her. We'll explore what happens after the rupture, the truth telling, the grief, the fury, the remembering. We'll enter the mystery of how the body reveals the predator's imprint and how, in turning toward what was once unbearable, we begin to reclaim ourselves. This is the paradox of healing and how trauma itself can be the trigger that awakens the seed that contains the blueprint for our highest expression, if we have the courage to alchemize it by our own spiritual power and the power of our love. This is a path of precision, of embodied truth and of learning to walk again in a world we now see clearly.
Speaker 1:Part two is coming soon. In the meantime, perhaps you may become aware of the seeds of your own power stirring inside the trauma of some event from the past. Perhaps this episode has awakened some memory in you. Perhaps this could be the moment to check in with those stirrings, to listen, to hold them with love and radical acceptance and to allow a miraculous expression of your higher self to grow from that seed and become embodied in your life now. If you'd like some help with that, you can contact Faye, using the information in the show notes, we'll move into part two of this conversation next time, meanwhile walk in grace. Thank you for joining me in the grace space, where you're always in the right place. If you love this podcast, I invite you to subscribe to it and submit a review, if you feel called to do so. Also, be sure to sign up for my newsletter using the link in the show notes. I look forward to spending this time with you again next week, meanwhile walk in grace.