Nothing Can Destroy Us: A Testimony of Love and the Courage to Stand in Truth

In this profoundly moving conversation, I sit down with singer, poet, and sound healer Pamela Jane Gerrand in a shared field of truth, grief, sovereignty, and love beyond death.

Pamela speaks candidly about the past five years as an emotional, physical, and spiritual crucible — including illness, isolation, persecution for following her inner knowing, repeated periods of forced stillness, and the quiet cost of standing alone. What unfolds is not a story of victimhood, but of deep initiation.

At the heart of this conversation is Pamela’s witnessing of her mother’s conscious death — a moment of such radiance, love, and presence that it permanently altered her understanding of life, loss, and continuity beyond the body. Through song, poetry, and lived testimony, Pamela offers a remembrance of the void not as emptiness, but as womb — a place of transformation where nothing and everything meet.

This episode touches on:

• The modern-day excommunication many experienced after 2020
• Shame, persecution, and the cost of sovereignty
• Illness and enforced stillness as initiation
• Grief as a portal rather than a pathology
• Conscious death, eternal relationship, and love without separation
• The Magdalene frequency and the Great Mother current
• The Gene Keys, the void, and the metabolization of darkness

Read the Blog Post associated with this episode.

Pamela Jane Gerrand is a songwriter, poet and sound alchemist devoted to creative expression and spiritual awakening as a path to transformation. Pamela weaves melody and poetry with intention, creating immersive experiences that soothe the nervous system and open the heart. As an oracle and channel for the ‘Mother Current’, Pamela weaves soulful song and light language to create a field of coherence, alignment and harmony.

Pamela has performed on stages across Canada and the U.S., including the Stratford Festival and festivals in the U.K., Sweden, France, Costa Rica and India. She has released CDs of original music and Sanskrit chant, and most recently released her first collection of original poetry entitled ‘Wild Echo’.

Pamela's website

Transcript

Entering The Crucible

Claire 0:01

Oh, welcome Pamela to the Grace Space. You're known for your voice, your sound healing, your Magdalene frequency, and I absolutely want to speak to that. But I'm also aware that the last few years have been an emotional crucible for you, like for so many. This is something that many people are quietly living through. And I don't assume what you want to share, but I I want to make space for whatever feels true for you to name here today. Where would you like to begin?

SPEAKER_02 0:36

Thank you, Claire. It's wonderful to be here. I've watched you evolve over the years, and it's such an honor to be here in this powerful parenthetical space that is the gray space, because indeed uh it'll be five years in April that I ended up having uh a physical experience that was a deep crucible. I'm I'm I to this day I don't really know what it was, but it was the beginning of um a refining of soul through the body and mind to where I call it Mattress Island, where I was just literally pinned to my bed for these two months. Some say it was a frequency attack, microwave radiation. I had auditory hallucinations, felt like my body was burning. What a way to leap into this interview on your podcast. Just a small thing. Felt like I was dying, um, barely slept for two months. I say this because there are so, and you speak to this, and this is why I kind of know that I'm um able to go here right off the bat, is that uh those of us who come to this world with a heart that knows that we have come to embody this love and see the beauty in the world in a way that through this lens of love and gratitude and appreciation, um, sometimes I feel like I'm just walking through the world as kind of this weirdo, you know, um on the fringe. Um and those of us that carry this light and embody it and are unafraid to speak it, live it, sing it, sound it, uh, there are dark forces that would rather we didn't. Because actually holding that frequency, which is actually the energy of the great mother love, that is able to bring medicine to suffering in the most profound way and love the being, the person, the creature, the animal, the sentient being through whatever pain they are moving through with no judgment. That is the highest power on the planet, is that love. And when we carry that love, there are many forces that want to cut us off at the knees, silence us. And I've experienced this over and over. Um, you know, I say I'm from Regina, Saskatchewan, and I went to the United Church

Mattress Island And Frequency Trials

SPEAKER_02 3:20

there. And I was drawn, I didn't come from a particularly religious family, but I was drawn to this one beautiful chapel that had paintings on the wall of Christ coming, you know, in the resurrection and depicting all of the scenes and the radiance of the aura around his head and his disciples and Mary Magdalene. And I had no idea why I was so drawn to go to church. Nobody was making me go. Uh, I just kind of signed up and wanted to go. And I realized that I was, I was always drawn to this, this radiance of the resilience of the human spirit to rise above tragedy, challenges, struggles. But I was never taught many of the things that, you know, arose through me over the years, um, wanting to create ceremony at the equinox, the solstices, creating altars, knowing how to lay out stones and herbs, and these were all medicines that we're remembering. And five years ago, when I was literally brought to my knees, I realized that we are in this apocryphal time where we are awakening to these profound gifts within us. And it's a spiritual battle, it is warfare. And when we are in these battles, it calls forth our greatest strength. And it is a time I find, because I I rose from that particular experience, um, finding some tools and medicines to move forward that involved um blocking these frequencies. And two weeks later, I felt stronger than I'd ever been. Walked in the forest with my husband and my dog, and my right foot got caught in a root loop, and I was literally drilled into the ground on my left side. And it's no coincidence that it was all the left side, which is the feminine. I broke my elbow, ribs bruised, um, smashed my face, had a cranial injury, and I was back in bed for two months. So there was the beginning of this theme of you think you're getting up, not quite yet. And so, in these times when I was healing, it is it was a chrysalis. Yes, it was a crucible, but it was also a time for me to truly detach from the outer world in the healing. And believe me, um it's not easy to feel, but I know that you have this gift and you're teaching people not to be afraid to feel what arises, because it's actually it's it is the greatest gift.

Claire 6:16

And it's multidimensional. And I want to just point out from what you what you just said, you know, that yes, I mean, I I if those who are listening are not aware that technologies exist uh to directly attack people with frequencies, that is a reality that we are dealing with. And many very high-vibing, powerful people like Pamela uh are subjected to this kind of attack. At the same time, um, you know, you you don't see yourself as a victim of it. You see, you see how this functions on a multidimensional level, because once you protected yourself from those frequencies, right, and you were able to get your strength back and go walking, something else occurred that brought you back, right? So there is nothing is ever like fully bad or fully good, right? This is what I always like

Beyond Victimhood And The Gene Keys

Claire 7:15

to point out is that we've got both, you know, sides of the wave happening. Yes. And and something quote unquote bad that happens, like frequency attack can, you know, um bring about uh awakening, a greater uh access to the depth of your power, you know, and and so we can't ever see things as just black and white. I just want to point that out. What an amazing example that is, that there was some deep inner work that was that was coming up regardless of where where it was coming from.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Thank you for saying that. Your insight is uh so spot on. And yes, I have a mentor that when I call him and I say, John, oh my god, usually I'm in tears. I'm like, I'm falling apart. I'm completely at the bottom and I'm like burning up. It's just like that, and he goes, Good, good. And you know, it's like his arc of life has been quite something, having everything and losing it all. And in that ego death, you know, in his late 70s, almost 80, he is one of the wisest people I know, and he celebrates that. You're not a victim. And he says, Do you do you realize how strong you are to withstand these trials? And I will also say that yes, it it's not the binary of bad, good, um, a victim hero. Because I also live on a continuum as a as a human, um, gets up every day, has a shower, goes through the motions, and sometimes I have fallen into that trap of feeling like a victim. And you know, it's interesting. You know the gene keys, Richard Rudd's gene keys, yes. I have gene key 55, which we're all living right now, which the shadow is, if people know the book, The Gene Keys, there are um three uh parts to each gene key: the shadow, the um gift, and the city, which is the realized gift in the Sanskrit word, um, where the shadow and the gift come together. And in Gene Key 55, it's the only one of the gene keys. The shadow is victimization, and both the gift and the city are freedom. So we isn't it and it's and and the last chapter of that city, it's the longest, because usually it's three pages, but I think it's like 10. And we are all living this right now. And I feel like to really understand, and I yell I love the word grok because grok means to feel it with all of your body, you know, down to your toes, every cell, every atom, through experiences that do feel like the steamroller rolling over you. Like you can't look left, you can't look right, you're in your bed, you're healing, you've broken bones, or what it doesn't have to be that. Um, but as you say, it's it's multi-layered, it's multifactorial. And I think that this um honoring of our humanness is so powerful and it's interesting. Just yesterday uh I saw Richard Rudd's audio that came out. He always has a week that one of the gene keys is what we're experiencing on the planet as a collective. And yesterday it was Gene Key 38, which the shadow of Gene Key 38 is struggle. The gift is perseverance and the city is honor. And it speaks to what you just said because he spoke to it so beautifully, Claire. He says, you know, there's so much sadness in this Gene Key because I love to travel and I travel the world. And the struggle that most people are in is uh being in the habit of struggle that it's become habitual. And he said, and and so many of these people are not doing what they love. They're not doing what they really truly want to do. They're just struggling in something they feel they have to do, they must do. Um and he said, you know, there's no honor in that. There's, you know, we you may persevere, but when he said we move into the gift of that perseverance, but with we can see the city glimmering of the honor of actually when we risk to, you know, quit our job or step out of that relationship that is soul destroying, it liberates something in us. And then we step into when we truly say, no, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that thing I want to really make my heart sing, whether it's a career thing, a hobby thing, or a relationship that we leave behind to create space for something new that's gonna be in better alignment, not just the habit of struggle. And he said, there becomes a liberation in that, that there's a buoyancy then to our life. And he said, and you know, we as humans are meant to be challenged. We're meant to struggle. We're warriors. Every movie you see has the hero's journey, you know? It's the Joseph Campbell story. We are meant to meet the demons, we're meant to struggle. So I actually look back at the past five years and I go, Whoa! I've lived through this, I've survived. My husband would say, and God bless him, because I also feel like with every challenge, don't know that I would have made it through these past five years without him. Honestly, the depth that's the depths that I was taken to, um, we're given what we need to survive it. And I have to say that most of my poetry, my songs, our art comes from these places where we have been taken to our knees. And it's a collective experience, this undoing, isn't it?

Claire 13:10

Oh, absolutely. I mean, everybody is going through it in one way or another. Um, and before we started recording, you said something really powerful about, you know, the ways in which we are confronted so that we can finally fully step into our authenticity, you know, our true voice. Uh, I've certainly been confronted with that. I was in a long struggle and a very deep hallucination, you know, that I had to come out of.

Struggle, Perseverance, And Honor

Claire 13:45

But it was the means by which I I uh shed uh a lot of the falseness and the mask of uh the persona. Uh and and so I recognize that, you know, as as you're saying, you know, like with the gene keys, it's so amazing how it's just baked right into the gene keys. You know, you have the this the struggle and the gift and the the integration of the of the shadow and the light is what births the Siddi, right? And in case you're listening and you didn't quite catch that word, Pamela was saying Siddi S-I-D-D-H-I, right, which is this higher gift. So um, you know, what you went through the last five years learning to basically, or I would say remembering, right? Because, and this is also the word that I use, Pamela, you know, because I consider that everything we're going through and everything that we are experiencing as we evolve and as we uh awaken as individually and collectively is a is a remembrance. It is not something new that we're learning. We may be in a new situation, new circumstances, new vessel, and and but we are just remembering what we already intrinsically know, you know, which is our multidimensional nature as full universal fractals of the source. So um, you know, you were remembering how to stand, and I completely identify with that, how to stand in your truth, no matter what was going on around you, and at the cost of uh relationships, at the cost of an old self, I guess you could say. And you know, and and many people uh during this last five years have been through a similar crucible or a kind of modern day excommunication simply because they chose to listen inwardly to what was right for them and and to stand. So I it seems to me that you know this is uh a perfect example in your own life of what so many people have had to um alchemize.

SPEAKER_02 16:01

Oh, so beautifully said. You were such a uh shamanic bard. I love hearing you speak. I could just listen to you all day. I love it, and and that is an evocation, an embodiment of this masculine-feminine energy when it is really um baked into you, which I can feel like the when we let go of all of the ways that we have um limited ourselves through fear. It just comes alive in us. It's an effulgence, it and it speaks through you so poetically. I mean, Richard Rudd is you know, mostly all of his life, he was a writer and a poet. And he says that we will become the living poetry as a humanity moving forward, and that just makes a weep. Yes. And yeah, so so exactly. Um and as I begin to speak about it, I find I find myself dancing around the words, and that's not usually like me. Because it is such a living paradox what we lived through in the past five years, because those of us that when we'll just speak to it, the um COVID situation that arose on the planet Earth, what an amazing laboratory we were given. Um of us got a different memo. We just intrinsically got a different memo, and our body knew, hmm, not as advertised. This isn't for me. And I'll just say it, don't want to take the jab. It's not for me. It's just not. And we could see and I don't want to make this too political because I do believe that there everybody played their part. And it is the story, the eternal story of the majority doing what they think is right. And absolutely everybody who chose as they chose to participate. I don't even want to use the word comply because it was such a coercion. There was a mass formation. I will say it felt very much looking back. I feel, and I'm sure you know you speak to this too about the brainwashing, how people's minds are formed to believe a certain thing, and they believe it to their bones. But it became this pitting of one faction against the other. And the smaller group um represented those who wouldn't do what was called the right thing. And I'm saying this because I'm holding, I'm not doing it with both air quotes. I am grounding in this beautiful blue appetite because it is the most incredible master temple orb. And um, I I do believe that as I I'm holding it um as a master energy, because we were challenged, those of us who felt to our bones that our memo was, and this is for me. This is not what I'm choosing to do. We had to anchor into something so strong because wave after wave of shame and um convincing us to join the larger group, you know, that just it it shifted after a period of time to persecution. First it was just convincing. First it was just um, oh come on, do the right thing, right? You know, and and that persecution uh is is ancient. And we who came with the other memo that is really about owning the truth of our power and not bowing to an external force, often a patriarchal hierarchy, that says, do this or else you will be punished. And the punishment was so subtle, yet so horrific. You will lose everything you love. You will lose your family. And they will be um our instruments. And the messaging will be so strong

Pandemic Choices And Family Rifts

SPEAKER_02 20:40

that they will believe that you are the enemy. And this happened around the world. Wow. Do you know when you sit back and look at it, it is fascinating how intricate the narrative was. So, so many people lost those dearest to them. And um I know that I came, we all do, that are um planted into our family as, you know, you can call us the black sheep, but I think we're the rainbow sheep because we come as a blast of white light carrying all the colors. And yet we just kind of naively go through our life um perhaps not doing as others do. And that is seen as a threat ultimately, because you cannot be controlled. And yet, who's being controlled? You know, it's a deeper conversation, and yet we are doing the deep conversation, aren't we? In the end, what I said to the world through some Facebook posts and even to my beloveds was isn't this interesting that something, a medicine that was supposed to prevent people from becoming ill, prevent harm, has created so much harm on the planet. And so what unfolded was one of the most mythic campaigns of persecution and division and separation rooted in the ego mind. I'm right, you're wrong. It was a war. And no one wins. No one wins in that case. And you know, I love that my father seeing what was happening to me, but he has short-term memory loss. He could feel that things were not right and things were being said to me that he didn't understand. And one day I came in crying from the backyard because there was an incident that was really, really hard on my heart. Um, a family member that was so deeply threatened by my choice. And my dad said, What's wrong? And I, you know, usually I wouldn't tell him. But there was something in his onset of dementia that softened him. He was a lawyer. My dad was all about black, white evidence, collecting evidence, you know, finding the truth through evidence. And I just sobbed as his baby girl and said, you know, and I told him, I didn't make the choice the rest of the family did. And he said, and he said, well, surely, if all are thinking alike, then none are thinking at all. And I said, Dad, that's brilliant. Who said that? I did. And for years, I thought my dad coined this phrase so brilliantly. Well, it's what I needed to hear in the moment. It wasn't until years later when I was at the gym and I saw somebody that had a t-shirt that had that quote on it, and it was General Patton that said it. I love that my dad was quoting General Patton and from a war, right? Speaking about, he said, Don't we live in a democracy? So I say this with all respect. Because I'm speaking about, you know, this is where the shame comes in. I'm speaking about my family. And I cannot even tell you how well I can tell you because people will resonate with this because we all experienced it. What do you do when you are shamed to the degree where I, for a few years, you know, I battled with there's something wrong with me. Like maybe they're right. And it became this trickle down of that that shame and that doubt is so pervasive. And it was thick in the field, right? And so, so we were placed in the greatest crucible slash chalice that we possibly could have been put in on a planet to face the ways that we become locked in the mind and we divorce ourselves from the heart because so many times I kept saying, what does this have to do with love? Can we not love each other no matter what it is that we believe? And this is how we know that this was politicized because it wasn't just about a health decision. It wasn't just about doing no harm. We were pitted against each other. And so what is the healing in this? This is historical. We've gone through it. And there is so much healing in this. And you know, I bring myself now to, you know, reflecting on the past five years and especially the past year, where in the past 14 months I thought I'd been through really, I mean, there were a couple of years that were less challenging. Um, thank God, thank goddess. But the past 14 months, um, I had surgery end of October 2024, which I've never had a major surgery before. And 10 days later, I developed a post-surgical infection that turned into sepsis, turned into a blood infection. Uh so it was the sickest I've ever been in my life. Eight days of IV antibiotics. It turned out my husband, who is my sentinel, my beloved partner, was doing two shows out of town in London, which is an hour from us. And you know, you've worked in theater. When you were committed to a two gigs, it just so happened that they were happening in the same city back to back, he was gone like 10, 11 hours a day. And I've known a lot of people in this community for a long time, but part of my shadow, it's my shadow gift, Siddy, that I've had to live is there's been a certain aloneness in my life. A lot of people say, Oh, you got it going on. You don't need anything. What do you need? And so I was meant to again be put in this place where I was healing from something profound. And I reached out to the only family member who lives within an hour of me and asked him to come, and he did not come. And I know that the dungeon of thoughts that he was placed in, and I don't need to say who this is. All I know is that, you know, I don't blame him. I just know he couldn't. And I look at the world and go, sometimes I have raged and sh, you know, shake my fists and say, why did this happen? And yet I know that I was meant to go even deeper. And so I I made it through this blood infection, many months of healing. Four months. And Anthony William, the uh medical medium, calls it being on Mattress Island. And he speaks to the fact that some souls come into their lifetime and we think, oh my God, you know, people that uh have incredible challenges physically, mentally, emotionally, that are that live, that live lives in their bedrooms. They are bedridden. And from some perspective in the labyrinth of the mind, we think, oh, that's horrible. Like you said at the, you know, partway through, it, you know, bad, good. And Anthony Williams says, oh no, the souls that live most of their life on Mattress Island, they are the saints, they are the avatars. They chose to cultivate the most profound awareness in this state. So

Shame, Separation, And The Heart

SPEAKER_02 28:55

there I was again on Mattress Island, healing, healing. And we booked a trip to Mexico first week of April. And it was hot and sunny and wonderful. The resort we were at was very windy, you know, beautiful. But we, at the end of a couple of the days at this resort, there was a bowling alley. Now, this is so ridiculous to go from the sublime to the totally silly. Um, we went in this bowling alley to escape the heat and the wind. I didn't realize that I had been healing for six months at that point and I'd lost muscle mass. I used, you know, I've always been very active doing yoga, cycling, hiking, but my body was not in the same state it had been half a year before. And we went bowling three days in a row, 10-pin bowling, and then the last day I played three games. All of this to say I ended up having a um uh an injury, a soft tissue injury in my um hip flexor on the left side, which of course, again, is the feminine. Little did I know, I got on the plane the next day. It wasn't like an instant injury. I didn't feel a pop, or you know, it wasn't pain instantly, but I got up to walk on the plane the next day, could barely walk after sitting. Got home the next day, it was freezing cold, 50 degree temperature change. That temperature change affected my muscles as well. The next day I got up to walk and couldn't even put any weight on that leg. Such severe pain, I couldn't walk at all for two months back on Natchez Island. And the pain in my hip, and they said my trochenderic, my groin was so bad, was worse than childbirth. It had was worse than the surgery. I was on more painkillers than I've ever been on in my life. And I literally, you know, even the blood infection, which had really taken me to a place of dissociative pain like I've never had, um, and just feeling so ill. I literally at that point, April, May, was back healing in my bed, going, really? Like I've got to take this bullseye off my forehead. This is ridiculous. And so many times I thought, the why me. Um, and you know, all I know is that we can think that we have met our shadow, met our demons, met all that distracts us from our soul's purpose. But until you've had a year where you literally physically can't move, and the pain in so many ways arises in unrelenting, unavoidable, um, inescapable ways. Well, I suppose you can choose to be in just a medicated blur, and you don't get the lesson from it, but I went off the painkillers quite quickly and just was with it. And two weeks after I got up out of bed and could walk again, my mother, who'd been through many health challenges over the past three years and kept, you know, we called her the comeback queen because she'd be hospitalized and come out back and forth like a revolving door. And from January to June of that year, she had been in and of the hospital maybe a dozen times. Became clear towards the end of June this year that she wasn't going to be coming back. And she made a choice mid-July because she was very, very ill with COPD. She'd been wheelchair-bound for three years, but she was very, very ill. She chose to do maid, and that brought new challenges to the family, of course. And I will say that the most profound experience, not only of this year, but of my entire life, was being present with my mama Ella, with seven other family members, including my daughter, all around her as she took her last breath. And you know, I at first I didn't want her to do maid. I was all for a natural death, whatever that means. Um Maid felt very uh from the masculine medicalized way. But I really suspended judgment because she embodied um that struggle, perseverance, honor, Jean Key 38, to her core at that time, Claire, because she had persevered and struggled in such monumental ways. Um it's actually indescribable what she went through and how she didn't die over those three years. She probably could have 30 times. But she got to a point where it was very clear. She'd made a choice, and her choice was filled with so much honor that she taught us all the truth of what uh what unconditional love is, what universal love is. She embodied uh ego death in the weeks before she left, died from her body because you know, she was so present to the experience. Um there were a few moments where she questioned what she was doing, but they were infrequent. She made her decision, and you could feel the freedom arise in her from that decision, and she chose, knowing what the appointed hour would be. She decided on a Monday, and it was a Thursday at one o'clock, to pour every bit of love that she had into us. I felt like she was transmitting a love so profound and complete and eternal that it would fill us up for the rest of our lives. And she did it consciously. She took every one of us aside and spoke to us heart to heart. And the morning she died, well, actually, I have to back up to the night before she died. She had asked me to sing at her celebration of life, and she thought maybe one of the songs I'd written. I said, No, Mom, I have a song that I want to sing. It's called Into the West. It's from Lord of the Rings. It's a beautiful song about your journey. And they had moved from their family home, their large family home three years ago, to a retirement condo on the edge of Regina, the edge of the city facing west. And every night for three years they watched this incredible pink sunset. And the song Into the West speaks to this journey into the West. So I thought this is your perfect song, mom. And I sang it to her

Sepsis, Solitude, And Asking For Help

SPEAKER_02 36:20

when no one was there the night before. I asked her, I said, Do you want to hear the song? Going to sing at your celebration of life. Oh, yes, I do. And I'd gone and gotten a speaker and I had a track, and I sang it for her just as my dad was coming in. He said, What are you doing? And my dad has dementia. But he said, I want to hear that. So I sang it again. And as I was singing it the second time, I thought, Oh, geez, I wish I had a recording of this. My mom was so present. She was just bathing me in this love through her eyes, through her heart, through her presence. So the next morning I asked my sister when we were, nobody was there yet at their condo, and I said, Mom, would you be okay if I sang the song I'm gonna sing at your celebration of life again? Oh yes. Oh yes, please, I want that. So my dad was in his recliner, my mom was in her chair that she died in. And Claire, when I sang that song to her two hours before she died, she embodied that gene key. She embodied moving from the constriction to um the liberation to the honor of death from the struggle and the suffering to dying before she died. She gazed it with me with so much love that I felt like she was filling me up for the rest of my life. And I know that in that moment I've had glimpses of what it is to embody a city. But for those three and a half minutes, we lived it. She beamed so much love to me. It was liquid light. You could hear her softly sobbing. My father, she panned to him a few times, and he was kind of like, What is going on here? But you could feel him anchoring this. And I have to say that as I was singing to her, I thought the night before I knew I wanted to ask if I could sing it to her. I thought I'd be so sad. And yet all I felt was this joy that we chose each other as mother and daughter. And we got to have this conscious moment. There is no death. She gazed at me with the truth that there is no death. And she said to me two hours before she died, she said, I want you to be happy. Because that's not easy for most of us in this family to be just happy. And she said, But I am you and you are me. And I said, Oh, yeah, we are. I said, Mom, do you this is a spiritual truth? She said, I I I know. And my mom didn't speak in these ways in her life, really. Um, she was very wise, but this was like her higher self was coming through. She it was already partly on the other side. And she's Said, when I go, there'll be no separation. I will be you, and you will be me. And I have felt that when I was in their condo, she was playing with the lights in the hallway, in the bathroom the next day. Since then, she still does at times. And her death was the greatest experience of embodied universal love and liberation I've ever known in my life.

Claire 40:51

I just want to allow the space for all of this to land because I mean I'm in tears too.

SPEAKER_02 41:06

She comes to me in little feathers, and they come inexplicably because there's no source of, there's no pillow, there's no and the tiniest little feathers come floating down. And just as I was speaking about her liberation, this wee tiny feather came floating down. Amazing.

Claire 41:26

Yeah. I I just don't know how to express uh in in words the gratitude that I feel right now for how deeply personally you've been willing to share. Um I think this is the first time in the gray space that I've been so reduced to tears. Um lovey. And and well, I think what it you're just speaking directly to the heart. Yeah. And I I defy anyone who's listening to this right now to be without a tear in the eye or a you know, a catch in the throat because it is so powerful what you shared. And and hello, puppy.

SPEAKER_02 42:12

And I have to say that what happens is my doggy Lexi, yeah, when I cry, she comes and licks all the tears off my face. She's just, she is the city. You know, she's the realized gift.

Claire 42:26

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 42:27

And so I honor this because I have to say that I am, I wasn't, I was going to say was. No, I am so close to my mother. Her relationship with me was, you know, a lot of relationships teach us in ways with the grit and the opposition challenges. And I have lots of those in my life, but my mother and I had this incredible have. I'm gonna stop the past hits. We have this incredible sidic relationship. She was always sidic with me. There was very little grit. Um, and to lose her years ago, I thought, no, I'll die too. I can't even face that. I can't even grok that, I can't even imagine that. And my mom, who chose to die deliberately, and I say this because she chose to do maid and be liberated from this physical body in a sidic way, she did, surrounded by her children, grandchildren, all of her true loves.

Bowling Injury And Pain As Teacher

SPEAKER_02 43:50

And she was absolutely radiant and ready and surrendered. And when we talked about it in the days leading up, you know, Mom, are you scared or are you why would I? I've lived the most beautiful life. And she spoke about all the gifts. She was already in, you know, the city is the realized gift in the gene keys, right? I'm speaking about the gene keys, Richard Rudd's book. She was living the city, she was the realized gift. And she gave us all the most incredible gift of her conscious death. There is no death. I know that now. I know it. She was breathing and then she wasn't. She was here and she's still here in a different way, a more profound way. And I feared her death more than anything in the world. And how profound is it that she gifted me with the clarity that life is it is eternal. We can have the concept of that, but to live it. And when I was singing to her, she looked at me with so much mother love. It was like she was wanting to transmit to me all the love that I need for the rest of my days on this earthly plane. And then when I saw her flicking the lights after she died, I'm like, oh, there you are. You little cheeky monkey. You're not gone. And yesterday I went into meditation and she spoke to me for half an hour and gave me some profound insights into a relationship I'm having right now that's extremely challenging and bringing me to my knees, actually. I never thought that after my mom dying, I would. Of course, the lessons actually, PS for people, everybody knows this, they actually get deeper because we are capable of meeting them and transmuting them. And that is the piece that I know that we are on the planet right now experiencing. We are moving on the planet from our own collective gene key shadow to um the gift to the Sidhi. We are we are all being asked to metabolize the darkness, that the division, the separation, the blindness, the agony, the fear, the shame, the guilt, all of those lower density states. We are all being asked to metabolize them. Eat them whole, have a big banquet of them.

unknown 46:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 46:34

Right? Not to look away and not, and because shame is the worst. Shame is the thing that keeps us bound, right?

Claire 46:42

As a friend of mine said last year during the podcast, eat death for breakfast.

SPEAKER_02 46:48

Yeah. And guess what? My family who were present to my mom's death uh July 31st, we ate death for lunch that day. And do you know there's nothing like it when you can meet it full on with love transforms you. Because what is that? Is it a Rumi poem? Enough of this teacup talk of God. Fill my cup, pour it over my head. You know, I love how Rumi is so visceral and funny and just gets to the point, right? And there's no teacup talk of God when you're sitting with your mother when she's dying. And to be present in a way that, you know, so often um historically, death has been shrouded and kept behind doors, or, you know, I think eons ago it was much more of a we'll sit around the bed and hold you as you die. It's become more um, I, you know, I can't think of the word right now because that's what happens these days. Sometimes they're there and sometimes they're not, but institutionalized, you know? And it's such a sacred transition, just as birth is. And we don't ever, we don't ever die. That's the truth of what I know. We may lose this physical robe we wear, but our energy is eternal. And you know what that does? Hmm, it's the greatest liberation because most of us fear death more than anything. What is that Jerry Seinfeld joke? Most people um, you know, we would rather rather be in the coffin than speak at a funeral. Like, I mean, public speaking, speaking about death is just, you know, as bad as being dead. Like it's just a subject that we um we don't want to look at. And yet, when we look at right straight in the eye, there is a a light that pours forth that liberates us, that, you know, that way of when you face your greatest fear, it has no hold on you. Exactly.

Claire 49:06

Well, I mean, I think that that is what the the heart and essence of this conversation up until now uh is it it's been a container for that knowing, you know, and I'm just blown away um by how um how your story

A Conscious Death And A Mother’s Gift

Claire 49:30

uh it demonstrates, illustrates, embodies, tells us the tale of what has been done in order to try to suppress what we are and has not succeeded. I think that's where the deep tears came from for me was like nothing can kill us, nothing can destroy us. If we're willing to look at what is in the face, yeah, call it out, name it, stand, nothing can destroy us. And I I am positive that this is why so much has been leveled at us in every vector to attempt to suppress what we are exactly because of who we are, really, when we remember and the this this image I have and felt sense that I have of your mother radiating this pure love, like you know, with death as a doorway giving the permission, you know, for her to be the C D, right? To be what it is, to to radiate love with no constraint whatsoever. I was just imagining what if we all allowed ourselves to do that uh instant transformation uh of the entire planet. Um, but you know, I mean, when one person does it, it's so powerful. I can feel that I'm affected by it. And I and I also um see that in a way you were being prepared for this new octave that you're in now, yeah, with your own transmission of this unconditional, deeply healing, powerful well of living light that is coming up and out of you, you know. I mean, as your voice, as your healing, you know, your sound healing work, your your your songwriting, I mean, like everything that you are that is your gift to humanity is like next level by by the grace of that experience you went through, and going back to, you know, the pain and the the agony and the struggle, the shame, the aloneness, you know, all of which I you know really I resonate with personally, you know, uh all of that and the pain and the the physical suffering, the I mean, just everything, and then culminating in in your mother's passage and the huge gift of that time, it's like I mean, this is what we all, if we're willing to can experience. Many people are so afraid of the lows, they're so afraid to feel what is that they can't ever really experience the highs either, you know, because they're again, it's the wave, right?

SPEAKER_02 53:05

But yeah, I mean, it's just such a and I'm just uh blown away by this testimony because it is uh it's a message well, and you know, it is a message, and the gift that I received, I just wanted to share with you, if I may, um thinking exactly this that we never know. We think that we are in our fullness and at the height of life, in moments of um the moments that feel light and expansive and and extroverted and joyful, and let's just be that all the time, right? You know, those moments that we all want and that actually our um in our world has um has denied the the gift of our our full experience as humans. Taught us to fear grief, taught us to fear death, taught us to only want to live in this, you know, one part of the experience that you know we've been it's it's the ego, you know, go for that uh the carrot, the money, the um all the external moments, the heightened moments, the outward moments, when actually it's the void. Yes. That place that is in the center of the swing of the pendulum of duality, that um the center of the Venn diagram, the Vesica Pisces. I have this on because this is my teaching, is that that place, that void where we hold the tension of the opposites of good, bad, right, wrong, love, fear, birth, death. It's that void space in the center that is the plenum, the full space where we were birthed, where we will die.

Claire 55:25

And it's right here. And and actually, if you pay attention to uh religious idolatry, um, religious art, you will see the vesicopisces, right? And you often see the Virgin Mary inside the Vesica Pisces or Christ inside the Vesca Pisces. There's a re that is a that is a message too. That is a spoken, that is a language, a symbolic language that we can feel, even if we don't, even if we've never heard of the Vesica Pisces. But that is to me, the Vescopisces is the the moment of the creation of light.

unknown 56:00

Yeah.

Claire 56:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 56:03

Absolutely. And when I'm thinking about my mother's death from this world, which was something I feared more than anything ever, probably tried to avoid thinking about it, um, denied it. I think we all didn't want her to die so badly, we kept her on the earth for about three extra years. Um, you know, and that void space is so rich and so healing. And may I share a poem that came to me? Oh, yes. Okay, it's called Into the Void, and it came to me, huh, just before January of 2012, so 14 years ago now, between Christmas and New Year's, I ended up sick. Like it what was it? It wasn't a flu, it wasn't a cold, it wasn't stomach flu, it wasn't, it was a frequency sickness of some kind. It was a it was a soul um crucible that I needed to go through, body and soul. And I took to my bed, had a fever, was in and out of consciousness, literally. I mean, there was maybe some, I don't know, whatever, the sickness was. It was a crucible to take me out of the ordinary consciousness. I was fevered and barely ate, just drank water for about five days. And on the fifth day, it was dark, was this, you know, between Christmas and New Year's week. Very dark, very overcast, in my bed, didn't say anything to my family. At that time, my kids were still at home. And what's wrong with mom? And I don't know, you know, everybody just gave me my space. And on the fifth or sixth day, it was New Year's Eve. Actually, it's the day that's today. Oh my God, this is so wild. I am not, I receive more auditory messages, kinesthetic. I don't so much see. But that day, I literally roll out of this like cocoon chrysalis thing I'd been in in my sheets, just like just sleeping for six, five, six days. And I'm delirious pretty much. And I see, I start looking, these words rolling down like credits at the end of a film. And I'm looking at it, going, oh, wow, wow. And I'm reading it. It was a non-ordinary experience, obviously, and I wanted to write it down. And as soon as I had the thought that was very 3D, it disappeared. And I went, oh no, I didn't get it. And a voice very quietly said, Oh, yes, you got it. You have it. So I got paper and a pen and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote for about an hour, and I wrote five pages. And then this quiet voice that had said to me, Yes, no, you have it, said, Um, the first page is the poem, the pith. The rest is just you ruminating on it. Let that go. And so I looked at these words, and you know, I've been a songwriter for many years, 20 years, maybe more, a poet for about 15. Well, I've been writing all my life, but those sort of constructs, um, I would say, are on those timelines. I looked at these words and I thought, oh, you know, this was the hand of God. This was the hand of the divine writing through me. I was just the instrument. And um it was written for this cusp of the year moment at this time of me being sick in a cocoon of fever, physically, but I know for myself that's when I was. Birthed from 3D really into 4D and some hints of the 5D that would come later. And that people say

There Is No Death

SPEAKER_02 1:00:10

that that time we were birthed into 2012 was really the beginning of this era of transformation. Little did I know that me being sick of what I thought I was sick, I there was a burning off happening. And this poem was delivered to me in such a profound and yet just beautifully ordinary way. It's called Into the Void. There's so much one can do before a fresh stretch of canvas. Stand before the silent stare of its wide open invitation. It's bold, nothing, and everything. Prime it, light it, prepare the paint. Dance around the edges until the jagged emptiness calls you inside. Nowhere to hide. There is so much we can choose in the moment before we dive in. We dream, we distract, we wait, we drive. We travel to places and there we find others wide open on this razor's edge. Traveling blind, seers in the dark. Bandages off, we offer the light our tender hearts naked and newborn. We find a beauty there so rare and radiant and true. Our hunger sparked and fueled by this fresh stretch of joy. Something glimmers in the distance. The mystery urges you on. There's so much one can do inside the long stretch of winter. Draw the curtain back on your wildly busy life. Stand before the canvas of your fresh year with its calendar of Sundays and sunsets, laundry and longing with resolutions bravely inked. Outrageous you decide to look so far ahead and like a hibernating bear thick with your extra coat of forgetting. You head back to bed. There's so much one can dream inside a long stretch of slumber. And you sleep until your bones unravel, until the deep goes deeper still. And there you find the golden prize, the pilot light, that spark within the ebony of your fear, the place where beauty whispers and a raven takes you back into the void on wings of light and prayers that hold you still. And in this stillness you find release, a peace that bears all pain, a mother's arms that hold you close, and a love that calls your name. There's so much one can become in the cradle of love, all sorrows rocked away. The great mother invites us to dance in her milky way, the sway of hips, of lips, of laughter, dance us beyond the dry land of the mind, to the shimmering sea of presence. Drenched in the gold of the secret, we hold, we discover we are the canvas. No land beyond, no gaping emptiness, no outward successes to measure. We close our eyes, and there, inside, we glimpse the spark, our treasure.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:55

Nothing and everything lies within.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:01

The jagged emptiness softens. The light shifts. The canvas blazes. So much love to sing upon these pages.

Claire 1:05:37

Pamela Durant. I'm feel very privileged to call you a friend.

unknown 1:05:45

Thank you, Claire.

Claire 1:05:47

And I think that we should leave it there for today. Because you've said it all. I want to give space for these words to resonate. And uh for those of you who are watching and listening, all the information you need to reach Pamela will be in the notes.

unknown 1:06:17

Thank you, Claire.

Claire 1:06:20

I think you should definitely come back. We have so much more to talk about.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:26

It will be my pleasure and my joy. Thank you, Pamela. Thank you, Claire.