Rebalancing Life and Leadership with Valerie Brown

Are you tired of the relentless pursuit of success and craving a deeper, more meaningful life? In this empowering episode of Women in the Arena, we sit down with Valerie Brown, the inspiring co-author of "Healing Our Way Home." Valerie's remarkable journey from attorney and lobbyist to a mentor for leaders offers profound insights into resilience, rebalancing life, and living with genuine compassion.

Valerie shares her transformative story of overcoming poverty to become a beacon of self-awareness and connection. This conversation is a must-listen for anyone seeking to cultivate a stronger sense of self, belonging, and understanding of our shared human experience.

Key Takeaways:

1. Resilience: Discover the essence of resilience and how to bounce back from life's challenges.
2. Life Rebalancing: Learn the art of rebalancing your life to prioritize what's truly important.
3. Compassionate Leadership: Understand how genuine compassion can transform your leadership style.
4. Self-Awareness: Explore the significance of self-awareness in personal and professional growth.
5. Connection and Belonging: Unravel the deeper quest for belonging and understanding in our shared human experience.

Why You Should Listen:

• Gain invaluable insights from Valerie Brown's transformation journey.
• Learn practical strategies for leading with compassion and resilience.
• Discover how to rebalance your life and prioritize your true values.
• Be inspired by Valerie's story of overcoming adversity and finding a deeper sense of connection.

Call to Action:
Tune in to this enlightening episode to join us on a journey of self-discovery and compassionate leadership. Don't miss the chance to be part of this transformative conversation with Valerie Brown.

https://valeriebrown.us/

Transcript

Audra 0:38

Welcome in everyone and thank you once again for joining me this week . This week , I am joined by Valerie Brown , who is the co-author of the new book Healing Our Way Home . It's this really interesting , provocative story or a collection of stories , I should say about transformation . Valerie herself has transformed her entire life . She is a former attorney as well as lobbyist , and now she teaches leaders on how to be human-centric , lead with compassion and make sure that everybody's voice is included in the room . It is my pleasure and my honor to introduce to you Valerie . Valerie , thank you so much for being here and welcome to the show .

Valerie 1:26

Audra , it's a pleasure to be here .

Audra 1:29

I'm very . We don't have much time today because your publicist keeps a tight clock , so I'll make us move quickly . What inspired you to write this book ? First of all , I should back up and say what inspired you to write this book . First of all , I should back up and say what is Heal Our Way Home .

Valerie 1:46

What is that ? Hmm , that's a great place to begin . So we live in a beautiful and a needful body and a beautiful and needful planet , and the healing is ongoing , you know , of the planet , of our bodies , and so many of us think healing is only about from sickness to wellness . But healing is really a manifestation of living a life of resilience , rebalancing , prioritizing what's really important , because we can't do everything , and so when we look at our lives and we look at what really matters and we put those things ahead of the , you know , the others , we say yes to those things . That's healing , and we're already on our way home to ourselves .

Valerie 2:51

So this idea of coming home , one of the things that the Surgeon General said in a stunning report a few years ago , even before COVID-19 , was that in America , and actually I would say probably worldwide , that we're facing an epidemic of loneliness , where people lack a sense of connectedness , belonging , a sense that they have a home , a true home in themselves , which is the first place to have a sense of connectedness , to feel connected to your very self , our own emotions , our body and our mind , and then a sense of feeling home in the world , like we belong . I belong here , and that feeling of loneliness is really pervasive in our culture for many , many reasons , you know . Certainly the use of electronic devices , smartphones , creates a lot of sense of isolation . And I could go on , I won't , but I think you get the picture . So this is really what healing our way home is about .

Audra 4:12

Well , as you were speaking , I was thinking of the words that you were using , of re-examining , re-prioritizing , really considering where we are . That describes most of my audience . That is actually the reason . One of the reasons why I created this show is because I was there doing the very same thing and looking for connection . I didn't realize that I was lonely because I didn't know what I was longing for . I didn't know what . I was lonely because I didn't know what I was longing for . I didn't know what I was missing , and what I was missing was a sense of self , and that is the feedback that I had been , that I have received from my audience , that that's what they were also missing as well . And you , you just very poignantly focus on that and went . You know what ? This is not just you . It's not just you , audra , it's not just your audience , it's everybody .

Valerie 5:40

Is that what inspired you to get together with your two , part of the motivation to write the book ? So a little bit about my personal background . You know , as you described , I began , as you know , like before I knew who I was . I passed the New Jersey bar exam in 1983 . Like I had no idea , like who am I , what am I ? I just did it , and mainly because I was on the run . You know , I was running from poverty , running from violence .

Valerie 6:08

I grew up in Brooklyn and Brooklyn was not the swanky place it is today . It was a place people wanted to like leave , and so I was all about like making money and getting out of Brooklyn and I'm , you know , I'm not proud of that . That was , you know , quite crass . And so I was very much on the run . I was on the run from myself , on the run from a sense of purpose or my own identity , and really hyper-focused on achievement , on being the quote-unquote successful lawyer . All the while , like many of the people in your audience , I was feeling something's not right here . Something's not right .

Valerie 7:01

And one day I was in my brother's apartment in New York and we were just sitting around . He opened the New York Times , the newspaper and there was a photograph of Thich Nhat Hanh , this Vietnamese Zen master , master of mindfulness meditation . He happened to be giving a talk at the Riverside Church , which was just down the street from where we lived , and so my brother , trevor , knew absolutely nothing about Buddhism , he knew absolutely nothing about Thich Nhat Hanh , but he knew a lot about me . I had become the type A hyper-aggressive lawyer and he said why don't you go down and listen to this guy ?

Valerie 7:51

And I did , and I walked out of there , I have to say , skeptical , because I thought , wow , everything he was saying was about love and compassion and I thought , if he's right , what have I done ? And so there was a lot of skepticism , but a nerve was touched and I realized something was there in what this man had said . So I started practicing meditation , actually as a closet meditator , because at that time , in 1995 , it was not acceptable , not acceptable as a Black person , not acceptable as a lawyer . And so I hid it and by day I'd be in my business suit , you know , lobbying in the halls of Congress , and at night and on weekends I'd be practicing meditation . And , of course , over time , this led to a kind of identity crisis .

Audra 9:11

And , of course , over time , this led to a kind of identity crisis . In fact , people would say stories of transformation included in this book , and yours is just one of them .

Valerie 9:20

Yes , mine is one of them and I tell in greater detail about the transformation , what happened .

Audra 9:31

And you are now an ordained minister , correct ?

Valerie 9:37

I'm a Buddhist Dharma teacher and I'm also a Quaker . I'm a member of the Religious Society of Friends .

Audra 9:45

How do those two coexist in the same space . I mean , those seem completely opposite , but there's got to be some synergy there . I just don't see it immediately .

Valerie 9:57

Yeah , People often say that , but they're really quite . They're really quite connected , as are most things in life . So the coming to become a member of the religious society of friends was also like a mistake , kind of stumbling upon it . One day I went to a retreat way out in New Mexico in a 25,000 acre ranch and the woman leading the retreat happened to be from the Philadelphia area where I lived , and she was a Quaker . And so we got talking and she said , oh , you live in Philadelphia , that's the epicenter of Quakerism .

Valerie 10:44

And when she began to talk about Quakerism I could see the connection between the Quakers' testimony or beliefs in equality and simplicity and peace . All of these aligned so beautifully with Buddhist faith and practice . So I became curious and I started to attend these Quaker meetings and what I found was a lot of overlap . And , just as an example , the Quaker testimony on equality very much aligns with the Buddhist philosophy and Buddhist teachings on equality and equanimity and non-discrimination . So there are many , many parts of alignment , though at face glance it might seem like these are polar opposites .

Audra 11:39

They do . It makes me curious as to go and read about each one of these , because these are subjects I would never even consider because they just seem so out there . Seem so out there , but you are a person that is now more at home in your own body , you're more comfortable in your own skin , and you're teaching other leaders to lead from that place of compassion and empathy and seeing people as people rather than assets or employees . What has been some of the greatest results in your teachings of that style of leadership ?

Valerie 12:26

Really appreciate that question , audra . So I would say there are a couple of things . The first for anyone in the workplace or for anyone in life , focus is incredibly important . If we're going to lead a life that's meaningful and purposeful in any way , or just to get stuff done , we need to be able to focus . We need to be able to sift through the myriad of eye candy and distractions . We live with continuous partial attention , you know , with our attention being moved from thing to thing to thing to thing , and so to be able to gather our attention and say , no , this is really important . I'm going to give my effort , my my attention to this . That's huge . Focus is considered the new IQ today and in the business world it's a power skill . I'm about ready to lead a 11-month cohort of women in big law meaning in big international law firms , and the program that I'm going to be teaching them is on how to focus . So that's one skill .

Valerie 13:58

The next skill that we talk about in the book as well is listening , and this is another skill I'll be teaching in this program .

Valerie 14:09

Listening is hugely underrated , right , and it's undervalued and overlooked , and typically we're listening for rebuttal , we're listening for disagreement as opposed to listening to make a connection or to understand another person .

Valerie 14:28

If you really want to shift and transform your life business life or home life it is learning how to listen , and I think that was one of the greatest things that I learned as a lobbyist . I shifted my way of listening to an adversary from trying to convince the person that they are wrong to trying to understand their point of view . That shift alone changed the whole dynamics of the relationship . Shift alone changed the whole dynamics of the relationship . I had greater ability to influence and then to build trust and so to be able to listen to another person , not motivated by some asset , but motivated by true understanding , to really want to understand this other person's point of view , whether that's a child or whether that is a CEO . People feel that Maya Angelou had this wonderful saying that people forget what you said , they forget what you did , but they never forget how you made them feel . And people can feel that they can feel when they're being listened to .

Audra 15:53

So the focus and the listening sounds like they are two components of the cure to loneliness .

Valerie 16:02

Absolutely , absolutely . And these are skills that have been compromised because we live in such a digital world . We walk around with our heads down , our bodies hunched over , you know , and the sense of connectedness . Many of us live alone , you know , our nightly companion are , you know , netflix , and so it's very much a tragedy . I live in that world myself as a single person , you know . I have to make a conscious effort to catch myself over and over again . So I'm not talking about something in a rarefied place . I'm talking about what I , as a practice , I take on every day .

Audra 16:55

Valerie , I wish we had way more time , because I could talk to you for hours about this , because I am fascinated by the work that you do . But I want to give you an opportunity to do two things . One I want to give a moment with you and the audience alone , so you can have an intimate moment directly with them , so you can leave them with a final thought that they can take with them throughout the day .

Valerie 17:19

Yeah , I really appreciate that .

Valerie 17:23

One of the things that I love to share with your audience is a small meditation , and in the Plum Village tradition we call this Agatha , g-a-t-h Agatha .

Valerie 17:38

It's a way of grounding and centering ourselves , and we can use this when we're in the midst of craziness , when we're very busy .

Valerie 17:49

We don't have to wait until things calm down , so we begin just by coming home to ourselves , so feeling of feet on the ground and aligning the body , so stacking the head over the shoulders and the shoulders over the hips and the knees over the feet , and feeling the length and the depth of the body , the back and the sides of the body , and from collarbone to collarbone , so feeling our whole dignity , and then taking a deep breath in , and from collarbone to collarbone , so feeling our whole dignity , and then taking a deep breath in and to a count of three , slowly releasing the out-breath , so breathing in , and then slowly , on a count of three , releasing the out-breath and maybe twice more like that , breathing in and slowly releasing the out-breath , and here's the gatha , and you can repeat this to yourself I am home , I have arrived , I am home , I have arrived , I am home , I have arrived , I am solid , I am free .

Valerie 19:23

I am solid , I am free In the here and in the now . In the here and in the now , in the ultimate I dwell , in the ultimate I dwell . So thank you .

Audra 19:50

That was beautiful . Thank you , I'm going to rewind that back and I think I might record it for myself to take it throughout the day . So , thank you . Where can we reach you ?

Valerie 20:07

We want more information about you and where can we access the new book ? Thank you , you can reach me on my website , which is valeriebrownus . That's valeriebrownus . I'd love to hear from those in your audience . My sweet spot is working with women , and particularly women of color , and I would be delighted to hear from your audience . The book is Healing Our Way Home and the subtitle is Black Buddhist Teachings on Ancestors' Joy and Liberation , and it's available everywhere and from Parallax Press . That's Parallax Press .

Audra 20:49

I will make sure all of that information is in the show notes . Please reach out to her . Please go and research this . She is a delight and I think that this would be nothing but additive to your lives . Valerie , thank you so much for being here with me today . I truly appreciate it .

Valerie 21:05

Audra , it's been a delight and a pleasure .

Audra 21:07

Thank you , thank you and thank you to all of you for listening , and we'll see you again next time .