Episode 211: The DNA of Belonging

Our sense of belonging is a powerful driver of human behavior. The need to belong is an emotional need to affiliate with a group that drives our relationships, motivates us to engage with one another, and influences how we communicate. Groups may be in the form of sports teams, spiritual groups, political parties, cities, countries, and nationalities. However, family is the system most fundamental to our sense of belonging.  

Knowing your place within the family system is fundamental to avoiding the pitfalls of self-sabotaging behavior, which is detrimental to our mental health. In this episode, Dr. Spano takes a deep dive into family systems, explains how it underpins our sense of belonging, and how this ultimately influences our behaviors from childhood to adulthood. She explains the need for belongingness, how our sense of belonging is connected to our family, and how generational trends within a family system inform our behaviors. 

Listeners will learn about the origins of self-sabotaging behavior and how they are rooted in our sense of belonging. Dr. Spano also explains the three principles of human dynamics and unpacks the four underlying loyalties that subconsciously influence our decisions. She also offers advice for resolving self-sabotage using a well-established framework and invites listeners to a 30-day challenge to help recognize the contributing patterns.

In this solocast, Dr. Spano unravels concepts to challenge how you see yourself and the understanding needed to make healthier life decisions. Tune in to learn the root of negative behaviors in your life, how to recognize the patterns, and the steps to take to begin reaching your full potential!

What you’ll learn about in this episode:

• What a ‘sense of belonging’ is and how it shapes human behavior.
• The role of the family system in our sense of belonging.
• Why accepting the family system is important for belongingness.
• Ways in which the family system can be disrupted. 
• We unpack the three principles of human dynamics. 
• Learn why order and knowing your role are essential to a system. 
• Outline of the underlying subconscious loyalties in family organizations.
• Dr. Spano shares a story of self-sabotage due to a subconscious loyalty.
• Ways subconscious loyalties can manifest within a family system.
• Find out about a 30-day challenge that will help you resolve negative behaviors.
• The AQAL (All Quadrants and All Lines) framework is explained. 
• What changes can be made to family systems to resolve self-sabotaging behaviors.

Transcript: Here

Links Mentioned:

Integral Theory with Diagram: https://spiraldynamicsintegral.nl/en/about-sdi/integral-theory/

Sharon Spano:

Website: sharonspano.com

Facebook: facebook.com/SharonSpanoPHD

Instagram: instagram.com/drsharonspano/

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/sharonspano/

Book: thetimemoneybook.com

Contact: sharon@sharonspano.com

Twitter: twitter.com/SharonSpano

The Other Side of Potential Podcast: sharonspano.com/podcast/

12-Week Toxic Relationship 1:1 Intensive: sharonspanoworkshops.com/intensive