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Beyond the Loss: Life and Identity After a Child Dies
Over time, the conversations we choose to have begin to reflect what matters most.
If you’ve been part of this podcast, you’ve heard me speak about human development, systems thinking, and the ways we make meaning of our lives and work. That work continues—and remains at the core of my coaching and professional practice.
What has changed is the space where I am choosing to have a different kind of conversation.
After the death of my son, Michael, I felt called to create a more personal place—one that speaks directly to the experience of loss, and to the questions that emerge when life no longer looks the way it once did.
That space is now Beyond the Loss.
This podcast is for parents who have lost a child, and for those who support them. It is not about fixing grief or finding closure, but about understanding how we continue to live, to make meaning, and to become—after loss.
If you are looking for my current podcast,
you will now find me there.
I invite you to join me on Beyond the Loss.
You are welcome.
Beyond the Loss: Life and Identity After a Child Dies
Episode 211: The DNA of Belonging
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Our sense of belonging is a powerful driver of human behavior. The need to belong is an emotional need to affiliate with a group that drives our relationships, motivates us to engage with one another, and influences how we communicate. Groups may be in the form of sports teams, spiritual groups, political parties, cities, countries, and nationalities. However, family is the system most fundamental to our sense of belonging.
Knowing your place within the family system is fundamental to avoiding the pitfalls of self-sabotaging behavior, which is detrimental to our mental health. In this episode, Dr. Spano takes a deep dive into family systems, explains how it underpins our sense of belonging, and how this ultimately influences our behaviors from childhood to adulthood. She explains the need for belongingness, how our sense of belonging is connected to our family, and how generational trends within a family system inform our behaviors.
Listeners will learn about the origins of self-sabotaging behavior and how they are rooted in our sense of belonging. Dr. Spano also explains the three principles of human dynamics and unpacks the four underlying loyalties that subconsciously influence our decisions. She also offers advice for resolving self-sabotage using a well-established framework and invites listeners to a 30-day challenge to help recognize the contributing patterns.
In this solocast, Dr. Spano unravels concepts to challenge how you see yourself and the understanding needed to make healthier life decisions. Tune in to learn the root of negative behaviors in your life, how to recognize the patterns, and the steps to take to begin reaching your full potential!
What you’ll learn about in this episode:
- What a ‘sense of belonging’ is and how it shapes human behavior.
- The role of the family system in our sense of belonging.
- Why accepting the family system is important for belongingness.
- Ways in which the family system can be disrupted.
- We unpack the three principles of human dynamics.
- Learn why order and knowing your role are essential to a system.
- Outline of the underlying subconscious loyalties in family organizations.
- Dr. Spano shares a story of self-sabotage due to a subconscious loyalty.
- Ways subconscious loyalties can manifest within a family system.
- Find out about a 30-day challenge that will help you resolve negative behaviors.
- The AQAL (All Quadrants and All Lines) framework is explained.
- What changes can be made to family systems to resolve self-sabotaging behaviors.
Transcript: Here
Links Mentioned:
Integral Theory with Diagram: https://spiraldynamicsintegral.nl/en/about-sdi/integral-theory/
Sharon Spano:
Website: sharonspano.com
Facebook: facebook.com/SharonSpanoPHD
Instagram: instagram.com/drsharonspano/
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/sharonspano/
Book: thetimemoneybook.com
Contact: sharon@sharonspano.com
Twitter: twitter.com/SharonSpano
The Other Side of Potential Podcast: sharonspano.com/podcast/
12-Week Toxic Relationship 1:1 Intensive: sharonspanoworkshops.com/intensive