Our lives are found in the present moment. When we are not present, we are not living. Being present starts with a small step. Learn it and put it into action to fully alive.
Our lives are found in the present moment. When we are not present, we are not living. Being present starts with a small step. Learn it and put it into action to fully alive.
Transcript
[0:00] Our lives our entire lives are found in the present moment when I'm not present I'm not living.
Unleashing your best in life and work this is the game changers with Eric bowls and host Dale Dixon,
being vulnerable present and courageous to unleash your best in life and work this is the game changers with Eric Bowles an executive coach leadership expert chains consultant and keynote speaker and
Eric great to be with you today glad to be here again glad to be here again Dale.
I have got to give you this feedback I have shared our most recent episode with a number of friends and said hey you've got to listen to this there's some really.
[0:42] Good stuff good good content and within about 30 minutes I get this text message back okay what are my values and
and so there's this group of us that have been sharing our values with one another and say okay this is my list what is your list look like and vice versa and working on this with our families where we work.
So it's already having an impact I gotta tell you deal that not only is that what it's about but that's the practical application right.
[1:13] Once told by individual he said nothing changes until something actually moves.
And so everything we talking about here the goal is to be maybe it's a small action
but the goal is that it has significant impact right and sometimes those little small practices have significant impact and also helps facilitate some pretty cool conversation
and just water listeners are not left out thinking okay what are they talking about during the last episode really the inaugural episode of this edition of the podcast we talked about this idea of leading with purpose and you have this fantastic concept of
a ship
above water and Below water and how our lives are like that and it's working on what's under the water what people can't necessarily see that we start working on and out of that
we list our values but there has to be alignment in our values all lets you you're much more apt at giving the the overview of what we're talking about here so people can catch up really quick but we definitely recommend you go back and listen to that first episode.
[2:18] Yeah so when we talk about Lee with purpose we do
I want to emphasize his life above the waterline and life below the waterline when we talk about life a little while and those are the things you can actually measure and we had talked about that as the podcast continue on but
that's problem-solving prioritizing all the things that people are very comfortable with measuring the results how we're doing.
Would like below the waterline those are the things that you can't necessarily see.
But they have huge influence on how we react and respond to the things that you can see so for instance when we talk about a ship what allows the ship to get through all the storms the waves those things that are inevitable as like our lives as leaders.
Is the Keel of the ship that dictates how well we handle those storms not how big our cells are now how big the whole are those things are are they play a role.
But the kill which is beneath the surface has so much to do with how we are able to not only manage or survive the tosses and turns in the Rapids of change.
But also how we Thrive through.
[3:23] Fantastic okay so this week to carry on we we look at vulnerability being present I'm really excited to dive into that one and,
being courageous as well so lay out lay this out for us what's the game plan
okay so here's the game plan all of these things work together so when even when we talked about being authentic and we started there last week talking about our values keep in mind that.
All these things that we are talking about.
Both being Authentic Living in alignment with our values what does that do for a leader it makes you more trustworthy worthy of another person's Trust,
it's hard to have influence hard to be a leader if your people can't trust you so when we're talking about living in alignment with our values and seeing how we're that was the reason for that.
[4:10] These next three that we were talking about also significant now all these things kind of merge together so I hope people don't kind of
go through a thinking all these are compartmentalized and no they don't but it's just a nice way of referencing them
so we're going to talk about being vulnerable today and why is that is such a critical component being an influential leader I'm going to Define vulnerability the word vulnerability literally means assailable being a saleable open to Danger
and so people want to know why would I be open to that right because but.
[4:43] You hear vulnerability talk about so much it's good for me to be vulnerable
but I'm telling you there's a lot more books written about vulnerability than people actually practicing vulnerability
is it we're going to talk about how the there's practical benefits from doing that so we're not using vulnerability to sit around singing Kumbaya that's not the purpose of it,
but the purpose of it is that it is it collapses time when we talk about being present
I will tell you that is a big one and I'm glad you're interested or excited to really dig into that one Dale because I believe that is one of the these all work together but I think the ability to be in the moment.
The ability to think clearly in the moment is a.
Game Changer like for a lot of individuals and we dig into that and the reason we finish with courage is because courage is kind of that virtue by all the other ones
so you know right I mean stop the little bit in Lima y value without some courage just tough to be vulnerable without some courage is tough to be present.
[5:41] Without some courage and so this is how they all kind of function again.
[5:46] Okay let's dive in the vulnerability aspect so when I say vulnerability especially as I think about being open to Danger.
There's a part of me that thinks oh adrenaline rush I kind of like that.
But let's let's dive in and what does this vulnerability look like in the business setting and.
And I'll go here in that I hear a lot of people.
[6:12] Bit concerned about vulnerability because they don't think about guardrails first and they think I'm going to you know what if I overshare.
[6:22] Yeah so one of the one of the things keep in mind the purpose of being more authentic more vulnerable more present more courageous.
Was to support what we came up with at the very beginning which is your vision remember we're not having a strong Keel just to have a strong keel.
The reason we got the strong kill to our ship is to get to a place right and so we talked about these these ways of being is for the purpose of.
You know reaching your vision reaching your goal we believe when we do more of these things it collapses time we're not just being more vulnerable because it's something to do.
Like we're being more vulnerable because it actually collapses time allows us to get to our destination faster now one way of let me emphasize this here's,
here's what allows people partying in brace the conversation around vulnerability even more effectively in a very practical way.
Vulnerability manifests itself in the ability to give and receive feedback.
[7:24] We can talk about vulnerability all kinds of ways but it's the ability to give and receive feedback.
[7:32] Now in a very practical way deal until leaders this quite often that your actions and your decisions as a leader.
[7:42] We'll only be as wise as the information it's based on so for me to make a wise decision is probably a good idea that I have good information.
But it is fascinating how many leaders give feedback but they don't take feedback so they're making a lot of decisions with incomplete information.
I asked roots of leaders all the time what does it feel like to be wrong that's my question what does it feel like to be wrong and you hear all kinds of answers now I got to tell you a funny one those who heard me speak heard me say this before I was one particular client.
And I asked a question in and went dead silent deal for like
two minutes now in a public setting two minutes is a long time that's a lot of quiet and I'm okay I'm comfortable with uncomfortable silences but this was when a long time finally a guy raises a hand in the back and says.
Surprising answer to being wrong so anyways I had a little fun with that but typically
no one feels good about being wrong and and you know I hear all answers that sucks
it doesn't feel good I feel like I'm letting people down especially as leaders in business you know we don't like to be wrong but my next statement to that is this.
[8:59] You ran those answers are.
May be accurate but not fully Complete because what they told me was what it felt like when they discovered they were wrong hear me now.
The question is how long did you go being wrong before you found out.
[9:18] That's the expensive part being wrong wasn't expensive part that special part was how long did you go being wrong.
How many people around you who can help course correct before you even got to that spot.
I mean I sometimes we don't measure or more importantly we don't monetize the cost of a functioning for a while with that information.
[9:40] I mean I used to get the question all the time like Eric what qualifies you to spend time telling all of us Business Leaders since my background was football at the time even though I've been business way longer than I play football but I will get this from leaders at times Del like
okay Eric what kind of qualifies you for being a you know an executive coach and all these things I was like well
in the NFL and I believe this and if I believe the worst run franchises are still ran better than 99% of organizations in the world.
And people look at me sideways going what makes you what I was like it is not the selection process all you got to do is watch the new so it's not personal it doesn't mean we got far more intelligent none of those things it's for one reason and one reason only.
[10:23] Video cameras.
[10:25] We have completely objective feedback continuously we don't have,
360 performance reviews that are Anonymous we hope we don't get semi-annual perform we don't find out that like three months into the job that I've been doing a bad job but I have a leader who didn't want to tell me so they waited till we finally had our sit.
No in our world we don't have three months to wait so we literally need feedback frequently in order to course correct,
in most organizations that's what they're missing and so this very concept of vulnerability to more vulnerable leader is the faster they think can give and receive feedback the quicker they can collapse time with good decision making.
It's just got to be vulnerable enough to ask for it's amazing how many leaders are making decisions until given Direction.
Yep not receiving any feedback coming in towards them to be able to make sure those decisions are wise.
[11:29] So I immediately think about leaders being kept being mushrooms IE kept in a dark room.
[11:37] Fed dies
and and for that and and leaders I often say they're the last to know because everybody's trying to protect their position in the organization and not bring bad news to a leader or not
provide feedback that might be seen as negative so.
Where does the leader start in identifying that there in that place there in the dark room or that they have people just,
lined up to stroke their ego so to speak will put I remember the late colon Powell had a great line he says bad news is not like wine.
It doesn't get better with age right so so he was always talking about how important it is to get it right away this is why when we talk about life below the waterline this matter so much it has to do it.
So what gives you access to the information is people's trust level so the word trust or more importantly I like to save this way Trust.
[12:39] Grows through the exchange of information.
The more vulnerable the information the greater the level of trust so when I have a leader who comes to me and actually ass my thoughts
ask for feedback here's a simple tool that I've had leaders do sit down with your team who's closer to the situation than you can ever realize I've always tell even in professional sports where you say in the locker room
everybody knows the truth so many times I tell the coach just look
you just got to have people on your team who tell you the truth but you got to be willing to hear the truth you can't create an environment where they afraid to share
the truth we like to live kind of in a world where hey if I'm not getting any feedback everything must be okay man I've been married 26 years that is a bad strategy
right my wife isn't saying anything I shouldn't be sitting back going man but everything must be okay right but in from a leadership standpoint it's literally going to your folks and it doesn't have to be
bad news is just where can we improve so one of the techniques or tools I've encouraged people to use is simply just go to your peoples a scale of 1 to 10 how would you say we're doing right now at this scale of 1 to 10 how we're doing it that's go to your customer a skeleton on the team
10 how are we doing at this I am aware of all the formal feedback tools that exist but we're moving too fast.
[14:01] And so I'm always encouraging people you got to have some informal frequent feedback tools that let you adjust on the fly so when you go to your people on a scale of 1 to 10 how are we doing
you know in this skill one pin as a leader how am I doing what gives you the correct information the reason I add that number scale of 1 to 10 because everybody who
has a team they have some people are going to say oh man everything everything's a nine it's perfect or you know know everything's attend is great whatever the case may be and then you got the ones who are Debbie downers who like men is a 3 it's terrible whatever the number is
leaders when you hear the human what I'm saying you're going to work hard anyway so you might as well work hard we'll get information so the next question you ask is what you're after.
And if they said a 9 great but what would make it a 10.
[14:51] What would make it a 10 now all you got something to well maybe if we did this or consider this now I got information to work with if I if somebody is just a Debbie Downer and they said hey I give it a two I give it a 3.
[15:04] I'm not going to ask why is it a 2 or 3 I don't have time to spend on that all day.
My question is what would make it a 10 because whatever the reason is the two or three even if we solve what makes it at or three it doesn't make it a 10,
and now just moves it to neutral no but if I ask that question is like well this is what it make it a 10 okay now I have workable,
formation by which we can work on so I asked I thought leaders all the time ask for feedback from regarding how you're leading ask for feedback on how they
I think you're doing ask for if it's a constant Loop of this the more you do that,
the more you it's almost like priming the pump the flow of information starts going back and forth.
I always like to say I'll always believe footballs like almost like a precursor of what's happening in the business in the business world I know that sounds great but I really believe that like there was a time when
a head coach or offensive coordinator they spent all their time just telling the players what to do if people pay attention now
the amount of coaches were spending more time asking the quarterback first asking the linemen first asking so constantly tell me what's going on out there tell me what you see what's the subtle thing so now we have eyes from up top we have eyes from the sidelines
and we have eyes on the field where the information is flowing back and forth and because people are willing to give feedback we can all course correct faster,
vast of primary purpose for a leader being more vulnerable.
[16:28] That is so rich it of itself I think if we can walk away from this podcast by just going out and asking that question identify something specific in the business,
tomorrow today.
[16:41] On a scale of 1 to 10 how are we performing in this specific area and I would encourage and hopefully you agree you got to get specific and asking the question yes quality of the question determines the quality of the answer Dale
best it all to I say all the time generalities always lead to more questions
specificity leads to answer so when I can ask that question specifically around one particular area
it allows them to wrap their minds around it now we're moving in the other thing that it does which is a secondary benefit deal.
Is allows those on your team to live in the solution instead of the problem now they have a vested interest in it while and and here's the greatest benefit
people are always tip people are typically up on what they're in on so the very fact that you asked
what do you think could be made better and don't stop there they give you what are some ideas you think we can Implement that,
what do you think about it all of a sudden people have a vested interest in seeing something improve.
[17:40] In it all changes from you asking and asking for that feedback.
Also was great as once that becomes the norm they start receiving feedback better because they know it's not one way it's a form of communication I'm telling you.
I tell leaders like if there's some leaders if they didn't do anything else but what I'm describing right now that be one of the biggest game-changer they're working hard already.
They're just in sports we call it but it's just wasted motion you do you're busy but you're just busy using all that athleticism and.
On things that aren't the problem your people know what the real problem is so many people work on them.
The problem that isn't versus the problem that is and they can get to what.
[18:23] Information with just you know asking for it great way to great place to start practicing this is at home
I said be selective when you asked so I sometimes go to my wife and said hey honey scale of 1 to 10 how am I doing is serving you right now I tried to time it perfectly though right when I don't know I've done something well
all right so so the segue to the next one it would be oh thanks for that information.
Eric we'll talk later so let's talk about being present yeah yeah
okay so the first thing I want everybody to know when we talk about being present we're literally talking about the ability to be in the moment to be in the moment now everybody must understand Focus.
Is not natural it's a discipline you have to practice it is something that you don't try to do is something that you trained to do right being in the moment now.
Reason why this probably is the area this concept that probably influences me the most is because.
[19:29] I said this way being present is the ability to bring
all of your attention to bear on something or someone right it's that ability to bring all the my capacity my ability to listen everything right into a moment or a.
Now what is the benefits of it what is.
Even just sheer communication where people always graphs is that almost 90% of De and you know this day almost almost more than ninety percent of communication is nonverbal
so it's body language is tone its inflection and so often that's why you know people get thrown off by email or a text and they read into stuff that isn't there but when were present,
my words have an impact but my tone inflection body language if I'm paying attention to it all 90% of the message if I'm not present I'm missing.
I tell this to leaders all the time said this why you want to see the eyes of your people this is why I say listen with your eyes not just with your ears this is why you're paying attention we say this in sport but in business is huge because if 90% of the message.
It is not just in the words then what are you missing when you're not paying attention I guess I mean just imagine that so with that being said.
[20:51] The art of aggressively.
Intentionally being there listening with my eyes quieting my mouth observing so many people
but so few people observe and so it's one of those things as a leader is announced a discipline because there's a discipline cuz there's times.
It is best for leaders in those leaves on speaking to right now.
And I say this in a it's meant to honor you but at the same time you got to be aware of how dangerous it can be.
There are many leaders because of who you are and what you've been able to do and you may have started your business so there are times where you can go from A to Z just like that,
so you can see the problem or to challenge an instantly know where most likely is leading.
And that's phenomenal the problem is sometimes you go so fast you don't take people with you.
And so because you skip ahead to what the solution is you miss all the opportunity for the folks there to come along with the journey with you.
So instead of them learning and figuring it out and going on a journey with you what they're going to start doing is just giving you the.
[22:01] Or sit back and wait until you solve it because you're going to solve it anyway.
Hey what that happens in that moment is you become an incredible bottleneck instead of leveraging your intelligence instead of intelligence getting multiplied your DNA flowing into the organization you'd become a bottleneck
where everything stops with you or doesn't get started until it gets to you in in the world we're living in right now we can't function like that.
So when we talk about being present this is one of the tools and we get into a but this is one of the things were moving towards.
So just a dive into that that idea and make sure that I understand
and I'm going to tie it to vulnerability so if I become a bottleneck in the business because every problem has to run through me it's removing ownership from the people around me who can.
Solve the problems faster they're probably not coming to me with feedback because of that because well.
He'll solve the problem and then the Assumption starts happening and I'm in the dark even more so this becomes now a vicious cycle.
[23:07] A vicious cycle deal the one of the thing and I have to deal with leaders who tell me all the time how they don't have enough time.
But they lack time they I said you did there's a reason you like time so if you like time that means what you are really lacking is time to think so
so not only,
are you a bottleneck in terms of problem being solved the amount of time you get to spin thinking through the solution is limited because you're dealing with so many things you should I say this to L all the time that what happens is you end up.
Actually carrying
the responsibility like people's people have titles and positions but their responsibility Authority don't match it and so all of a sudden everybody is performing at a level beneath their job description versus a datura
above it and that's expensive so in the you mentioned being vulnerable and Afraid these all work together so when I'm being truly vulnerable it's important that I'm there so I'm present I'm there
let me use this way and hopefully this this a resonate with some folks.
[24:10] We use the phrase paying attention quite a bit right people say hey you need to pay attention and they don't realize too often that that is a financial
the word attention is currency your attention is currency why because it makes up the greatest currency that you have which is your life
so anytime I give somebody my undivided attention I am investing my lifetime I do not get back
into whatever's getting my attention at the time.
This is why I say all the time in a practical way is why grandkids love being with grandparents why because when the grandkids are with the grandparents to grandparents truly understand,
that nothing else matters but those grandkids this is why the grandkids fill it their esteemed every time their appreciate it which is another Financial term their appreciate their value appreciates why because attentions being invested into.
This is why I tell leaders all the time when you pay attention make sure whatever you're paying attention to is worth the return like make sure it's worth the investment.
[25:14] We pay our poor attention this is so many things that aren't giving us any return on,
and so part of your practice is recognizing how valuable your attention is so then when you are being present first of all you know it's significance
part number two is when you're investing your attention into the people that you work with and leading you really listen to him they are naturally appreciated their value goes up because my leader values of me enough to listen to me.
[25:44] What's the opposite of appreciation is depreciation how do we depreciate others by removing our attention you come to talk to me my eyes are going both directions behind your back and I'm looking at my phone I cut it up I saw you
it is better for a leader to say right now is not a good time
I want to give you my undivided attention let's meet at this time or over somebody says hey do you have a minute I said I only have two but if you need more than that
let me know it's respectful plus it allows them to understand I want to give you my undivided attention
the value that happens when somebody can look you and I a leader work with you and why you're talking about if it's Priceless it's priceless.
So an anecdotal story that I hope our listeners can
run experiments on to see if it actually works but as having a conversation with my barber about this very thing and we were talking about getting better and he said I am working on being more present and I said really and I said tell me about that
the experiences you've had and he talked about grandkids and I said so what have you noticed is the biggest payoff from focusing on being present
he said the biggest payoff is that time slows down yes yes.
[27:03] Wow.
In this day and age when we're so busy and were all complaining that I don't have enough time if you want more time be more present Dale death literally Our Lives
our entire lives are found in the Present Moment Blue turd when I'm not present I'm not living.
I actually had one of the executives that I coach she's one of the most conservative I'm talking about in terms of her how she carries herself how shit you know you and not very flamboyant anything
we have this talk we go through this whole process around being present to significance of the importance of the practice of it so she began to practice it more at home
been the she did even in the workplace so she practice being present with her kids practice being present with husband instead of trying to look ahead or behind she wouldn't got a tattoo.
[27:54] Did I couldn't but I mean still to this day she's dear friend I took we still talk about it like I see you got the and it's a symbol for being present I said that's pretty bold for you what she goes it gave me my life back.
Is Eric nothing changed.
Around me the only thing that changed was me and all of a sudden I realized I had a whole life like there's so much in a moment.
My wife used to tell me all the time honey life is not made up of days is made up of moments so your ability to be in the moment is what it's all about.
So this is I tell people all the time.
I am not asking you to figure out okay I got so much to do you know how can I be more present here's what I'm going to I asked leaders do all the time.
Just take some of the attention you're paying into stuff that isn't rewarding you like don't sit around and act like you don't have tons of waste there's certain things that are receiving your attention.
That are worthy of your attention so I asked you to take away from that and give it to somewhere where it's going to be a great return and when that happens what a game changer.
[29:03] Cool okay take us home okay we've got to have the courage to be admirable and to be present yes so it.
The courage it takes to be vulnerable to ask for feedback the word vulnerability means a savable but it in its talking about risk.
There's a risk in being vulnerable so we have to be courageous enough to take that risk why because there's no guarantee that in our vulnerability.
It always works out to does it raise the probability that would be more successful yes,
but it's not a guarantee right there's a chance you being vulnerable might not always work out
that's the Curt that's why we do it that's why our courage has to be there it takes courage to sit back and ask my wife honey huh would you say I'm treating you with significant how would you say I'm serving you because once I hear the feedback
there's also an expectation I got to do something with it and when people are always honest enough sometimes we avoid feedback because we just don't want to,
have to commit to change when we know you know I rather just live in this false belief that I'm doing everything right it takes courage to be present why because there's a time when I have to listen and not talk.
[30:18] Man it takes courage to actually give people space to finish their thought.
To be present in the moment I would say it takes courage to overcome which is something I'm working on right now especially in this year that we're going into is.
[30:34] I think the kids call it fom oh it's like a acronym it stands for fear of missing out right and.
I struggle with that where I have this fear of missing out but because I fear missing out I lose the moment I'm already in like everything I want is right here but I'm already thinking about what's next what I'm thinking about what was behind so it takes courage to slow myself down.
Be quiet just be present where I'm at it takes a lot of courage and one of the things I love General Omar Bradley said it best he goes courage's girls are simply being afraid.
But it's doing it anyways like like I'm afraid.
But the reason for it is worth it so when I when people tell me well you know it does take courage to be present yes now you don't choose to be present with everybody right now if some people you just make that but at least you were intentional with it right,
but I would say this.
[31:28] There's courage and I love the term courage but one of the best ways to overcome fear and biblically it says love conquers fear.
Sometimes I gotta tap into what I love more what do I love more than what I'm afraid of right and so when it when I have to practice being present in my home when I got to be present in the business environment.
Man deep down inside,
man I want what's best for my customers I want what's best for those who work with me I won't was better so my fear of failure my fear of not being enough my those fears that necessary go away
but my love and my desire for them to be at their best has to truck that,
and that's what really drives this it's not I oh I just got a bit this isn't a macho courage it's a,
man it's the kind of Courage that's dripping in love which means this sacrificial.
I mean it's selflessness right it's that's the greatest form of courage yet exist so when we talk about all these things about life below the waterline that's what we're really talking.
[32:32] Identifying that thing that you really love to feed the fires of Courage that's all.
[32:40] That's it deal okay I love how you describe that see well Eric we have.
[32:46] This has been a fantastic conversation you've given us three big things to work on for the coming week so thank you very much as we think about vulnerability.
The idea of presence and what it can do for us and the courage to live in it every day
I will ask that our listeners if you would share this podcast with somebody who would benefit
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the game changers inc.com.
They get that right the game changers inc.com this is where you can find Eric in the website Eric bowls coaches trains and inspires leaders to unleash their potential and the potential of those around them,
this is the game changers podcast we'll talk to you next.
[33:54] The game changers unleashing your best in life and work with Eric Bowles and Dale Dixon.
Eric is an executive coach leadership expert change consultant and keynote speaker.
Read his book Moving to great and find him at Eric bowls.com connect with Dale at Dale Dixon media.com.
[34:13] Music.