We all have room for improvement. A question as we start 2023: Are you coachable? A great coach makes all the difference. What if that coach is inside of you? In this episode, Eric and Dale discuss how to unleash the coach within to propel you to the life you want.
We all have room for improvement. A question as we start 2023: Are you coachable? A great coach makes all the difference. What if that coach is inside of you? In this episode, Eric and Dale discuss how to unleash the coach within to propel you to the life you want.
[0:10] It's not about perfection it's about progression so coaching ourselves forward it just keeps us on the line that hits to the goal we're going.
That's really why we got to keep coaching ourselves unleashing your best in life and work this is the game changers with Eric bowls and host Dale Dixon.
[0:28] Coaching yourself the topic of today's the game changers podcast thanks so much for joining us are great to see you today great seeing you my friend.
All right so you talk about this in your book Moving to Great this concept of coaching yourself and you come at it from a really cool standpoint of coaching forward rather than in Reverse so
explain the difference there because it on the on the face of it it sounds very straightforward yes oh so basically what could yourself forward.
Means versus coaching yourself backwards even if you think and most people who are thinking about their.
[1:08] History with managers leaders coaches parents whatever the case may be it is far easier.
To coach people backwards than forwards backwards to the problem detailing the problem what you're not doing right all those things that's it's far easier
I've been coaching them forward basically coaching for beans instead of just saying hey you're doing a terrible job for these routes being reasons now I need you to be better
what they don't understand is seeing coaching you to be better is so vague you're not coaching them for there's no picture connected to the better there's only a picture.
Connecting to what bad looks.
And so when we talk about coaching ourselves forward that has a lot to do with not on coaching myself or by how do I communicate and talk to me about me so
if I were to stand up and say
hey man I got this presentation to give to this this potential client or this Prospect okay don't screw up don't mess up don't blow it like last time now that sounds like coaching it's not I'm actually living in the past or the past problem.
And when I tell people to coach yourself for that is actually talking to yourself.
[2:15] Not listening to yourself when you have a tendency when we listen to ourselves everything from the past usually comes front and center.
[2:24] But when we talk to ourselves we gotta intentionally talk to ourselves coaching us ourselves into the solution
this is where the focus needs to be this is what I'm going to do this is specific on how I want it to be and I have to have that continual dialogue with myself.
As I'm coaching myself.
So the same way you know II never forget I had when I was coaching helping High School football and we had a particular kid who's running into the game and I never forget looking at me and said you know don't fumble man don't fumble do not fumble the ball now
that is really bad coaching and is bad coaching I said in a previous
podcast but every word creates a picture every picture brings about an emotion that emotion is so powerful it actually helps perpetuate or continue.
Current performance so if I want performance to be better I'm going to have to use emotion
which I'm going to have to use my words we trigger the right pictures believing that those pitches fuel the right emotion and hopefully I emotion leads to confidence they'll moves enough for now it's great when we get that externally.
[3:33] But it's really important to know we own that ourselves internally
we put so much of that responsibility on others to coach properly that we never take the time to actually actually asked ourselves how are we coaching.
[3:49] Hopefully I make some sense absolutely so and I think this is the fun conversation to kind of flip it on its head and if I'm going to be coaching myself.
[3:59] To some degree been lulled into this psychology of looking into a mirror.
And saying I can do this I can do this and it goes I'm going to date myself but it's you know back when Saturday Night Live was funny and they think it was Stuart Smalley would sit in front of the mirror and and have that
I can do this I you know I'm great and all this and the research has shown that that's actually damaging as well that doesn't work
but what you have to do is switch it to a can I do this and that's what I hear you talking about is what does the future look like and to some degree what have I done.
What are some of the positive things that I can pull from my past that have set me up to succeed in the future that I see exactly I have a buddy of mine who.
Who makes jokes he tells me part of my job is to travel around the world telling people basically just
quoting The Little Engine That Could write give you remember his children's book but
what were emphasizing in terms of coaching our self forward is we're not necessarily coaching.
[5:10] To the wind like oh I know I can win I know I can win I know I can win that's so outcome related and whether you win or not on the scoreboard there's sometimes other variables that are involved
what I'm coaching to is what part of this do I control
what part of this cannot where I can place my focus so when I use the example of coaching myself forward instead of backwards coach yourself backwards is also don't drop the ball again.
No coaches afford isn't just simply catch the ball coaching myself forward is find the tip of the football catch this hip see the tip I can control that
now the passes outside of Realm I can't reach it there's some variables I can't control but if it gets in my coat catch radius as a wide receiver and I place my focus on the tip of the football.
Best way that I'm coaching myself forward is by creating such Focus that it allows all the other distractions to fall off
and so when I tell people are you coaching yourself forward instead of backwards they go what do you mean do you have a key is your picture of what doing it right as clear as your picture is for doing it wrong.
[6:18] In most of the time
that's not the case most of the time people spend seventy eighty percent of their time either in the problem complaining about the problem finding other people to describe the problem and then and then spinning less than any percentage of the time.
Actually targeting what the answer or the solution to the problem is and living there so coaching ourselves for is far more about talking ourselves about specifically what we're looking for.
Instead of spending so much time trying to get away from what or trying to avoid with the problems so as you as you work with people through this process do you find that
we as human beings and I.
I'm going to say I'm guilty of this think in generalities that I don't know that I actually when I think about the future or what the task at hand is
I don't necessarily and I'm thinking back to examples of my own life I don't know that I specifically get to that place of thinking in a specificity that aligns with.
[7:20] I can track the tip of the football because that is so.
Hyper specific so yeah Bridge those gaps for us and how we go from there.
[7:33] I heard someone say it was so good he is I think it might even been maybe the old famous the famous speaker and Zig Ziglar
I think Zig said it best we're all just wondering generalities instead of you know intentional special instead of living.
Specifically we tend to live in a in a generality and and the reason we do that sometimes I believe that one of my back is we're just lazy.
We're lazy in our thinking
like it it we because sometimes problems can emotionally exhaust us but it's easy because it's obvious we see it where you know it's like somebody breaking down why did you lose the game and you see all these Talking Heads on TV and it's so easy just to grab
the general thing or an answer like oh they just don't want it bad enough or if the quarterback would have just did this over the basketball is just too simple
finding Solutions takes work it takes thought
it takes some thinking you've got about most people don't want to take the time to do it and so it's easier to just complain or wonder where we're at but
but if I have to get down to the very specific detail that's going to lead to success and focus on that.
Even though that's the solution the reality is that usually doesn't happen right away as well so I'm going to focus on this small detail and coaching myself forward.
[8:57] But because I'm coaching myself for one thing we all know about coaches is coaching is really coaching repetition.
Is coaching doing the same things over and over again which most of us don't like either so most people don't like to be coach so if you don't like to be coat there's a good chance you and you don't even like coaching yourself and so instead of
looking at what part of this do I control and what can I keep doing over and over and over in a specific way we stay real broad we like to use these broad answers it's like somebody who has a desire to be
financially free right and you go okay great you know that picture is awesome everybody loves the thought of being financially free.
But when somebody's first step is here's what I want you to do for a week I want you to record
every one of your transactions that you do this we don't do anything else just document every single place you spent your money and then bring that back to me the following week
based on the financial advisors I talk to in those who sponsors who work in this area they say nine out of 10 people never come back.
[10:02] Now all 10 people said they want to be financially free but this first step this small little action which is coaching them towards freedom is just
giving a clear indicator of where you're at so we can focus on what we do next most people don't do that step.
And so if it's something like that you know it.
It covers every area because it's easier to believe or easy to believe there's these big Solutions instead of coaching ourselves to the solution which is usually a small action.
Done over and over again that's not as fun or exciting is just what we're going to do this miraculous big-play that's just going to make all the difference in the world and that's not
typically the case it's usually a small thing you got to do repeated over and over again that ends up with that result so you're are you saying that.
[10:54] In order to be effective at coaching myself I also need to start with being willing to be coached by others around me.
[11:02] I actually believe it's both.
Yes yeah cuz most people say also one of the great lines we are all the time is so so is not coachable well I hear you but ask yourself how coachable are you like how well are you know.
The reality is we we know far more information than we actually use like do I really need to go to learn more about good communication skills you know it
before I'm able to be more effective communicating my wife no
you don't say no I don't I pretty much know already the issue is in the moment and at those time I'm not necessarily coaching myself for it neither do I want to hear it but the reality is.
In those moments is when I need to coach myself forward
to the solution not coach myself backwards to the problem because if I cut myself a cure from we're gonna go through the same Cycles over and over again that I've already experienced 8 million times and then at the end of it I'm going to believe the real change is going to happen when she does.
In this is the danger that's the that's the mistake so meaning.
How about fall into believing that my world changes when others outside of me change
we love the talk we love to say that hey I'm going to change that's going to make the change happen until we realize the work that goes along with it and so when I talk about coaching yourself forward
one of the things that coaches do the best.
[12:28] Is they compete they care about us enough to remind us what we need to do to keep making progress it's not about perfection it's about progression so coaching ourselves forward it just keeps us on the line that hits to the goal we're going after
that's really why we got to keep coaching ourselves.
Let's talk about this this concept of self-deception I like to say that nobody can fool me like I can fool man so
in light of coaching myself what does.
[12:58] Being aware of this idea that we you know there's one common denominator at the core of every bad decision that I've ever made
and that's me so oh come on man so how do we get through those very real.
Facts about us as individuals as we as we relate to coaching ourselves.
Well here's a tip I will phones give and it works proof it works well for me is.
Eric have meetings with yourself where I almost am I
I was told this the best way to give Council to yourself is to objectively
staying outside of yourself and talk to you so but like that's why I say talk to yourself don't listen when I listen to myself I'm within my soul
but when I talk to myself I try to be outside of me talking to me like you know is Souls like Hey how do you own this.
What are the what did you follow through and didn't follow through how did that go how did that's what coaches do and coaches do not coach to the scoreboard.
Coaches coach to your potential coaches coach to your effect at least effective coaches do right because they realized that the scoreboard is a lagging indicators not a leading indicator and also the scoreboard can many times blind you from how you're really doing
right and so when we can sit back.
[14:21] And coaches coach yourself for objectively like how did we make progress today did we make a step forward did we go in this direction.
That's really what we want a little bit more because it doesn't take a ton most people think in order to get better or to perform at a higher level I need this drastic transformation
you don't it's just little small
things that we do a little bit better today than I did yesterday but what are those things if I don't coach myself for thigh-high change things every week so I never get the compound effect of small improvements so part of this coaching isn't just
getting over self-deception part of this coaching coaching ourselves is just to give our.
Commitments a chance to work right like just to give some the things that we said a chance to actually take Ruth and get some results from so as we wrap this up.
[15:17] I'm thinking to your example of the financial advisor who tells somebody who wants a
once Financial Freedom in their future okay go and spend the next week
writing down every single transaction logging every transaction so if you were to give us the podcast listeners and assignment to really get good about coaching what's that.
First thing the equivalent of the log of every transaction.
[15:45] Okay so the equivalent of that is simply this every great coach not only do they affirm and speak to the potential that you're capable of being.
There are also a wild like to say they inspire you to reach the ideal but they also give you the courage
to acknowledge the real so it's what a coach does is we're going to clearly identify where we're at right now so here I am as a leader right now how am I doing a
boom boom boom boom boom don't put a positive spin on it don't put a negative spin on it look look at it to the best of your ability as pragmatic as possible it's not good it's not bad it just is why because once I Define that
did I need to turn around as a coach and then identified with the same level of detail what does better look like.
[16:36] So it's no different than when we coach someone forward it's no different than a
thermostat in the house where it has a temperature gauge that tells you what the temperature is you identify what you want the temperature to be then the furnace or the cooling system is job is to be able to bridge the gap.
We don't do a good job when we coach ourselves is we don't create a gap so we just have this
there's this Gap that's just vague I don't like where I'm at I want to be better but what does each one mean so just as detailed as I get about where we're currently at I also need to be just as detail of where we want to go so one of the primary jobs a person can do right now is if you already identified
what you want your year to look like our this next quarter look like oh what you want cells to be be as detailed as possible that
I think it is detailed as specific as possible where you are right now and then ask yourself real questions if I had to coach the gap.
In the role that I play in that what are those specific things I need to do to bridge that Gap.
Now ask ask is to those questions to the best of your ability and then take it to the next level.
[17:44] Who do I know what experts whose out around who I can also get some of this feedback so they can also give me some good and then now my job is to coach myself forward to doing those actions that help bridge that Gap at the end of the day that's life and if we can get better at that man
it allows us to not go up on this roller coaster but make continuous progression.
[18:06] Fantastic all right you gave us the homework assignment it is and it's a good friend likes to say it's a gift so
thank you for the gift of what to do in the upcoming week Eric bowls Works he's an executive coach leadership expert a change consultant and keynote speaker you can learn more about how to
higher Eric and have him come and work with your company at the game changers ink.com that's the website the
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The game changers unleashing your best in life and work with Eric Bowles and Dale Dixon.
Eric is an executive coach leadership expert change consultant and keynote speaker.
Read his book Moving to great and find him at Eric bowls.com connect with Dale at Dale Dixon media.com.
[19:19] Music.