Do Hard Things

Does seeking the convenient and easy keep us from true success?  In this episode, Eric and Dale lay out a game plan for embracing seeking out and embracing challenges to build resiliency and create a game changing life.

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[0:04] Path of least resistance that is a bad practice this is why it's important for kids and probably for ourselves sometimes to practice doing hard things unleashing your best in life and work.

[0:14] This is the game changers with Eric bowls and host Dale Dixon are you willing to embrace the short-term pain for long-term
gained welcome to the game changers with Eric bowls I'm your host Dale Dixon and we're diving into this idea that once we have Clarity it's time to do the hard work and sometimes that hard work
is going to be really painful.
In the short term to get those long-term gains so Eric great to see you again today Gracie my friend and and let's just
this this whole concept I think is is so important for us because we've spent so many episodes talking about
Clarity and making sure teams are clear and once we have the clarity then the hard work begins to make those big changes in our business in our lives wherever we want those changes and as you were setting this up for me.

[1:10] And I thought of that phrase that.
We as human beings don't want to change because until the pain of the status quo.
Exceeds the pain
of change that's right that's right I remember years ago when I was doing some work in in Hawaii at Hickam Air Force Base and her this some kernel the cleanest
pretty common story I might even share it before but he talks about the story of the old Farmer in the dog
German walks up to the old farmer and he's looking at the dog the dog happens to be laying on a old nail like a nail going up through the one of the planks are on the.

[1:54] On the porch and the guy looks at the old farming goes sir why is the old dog laying on the nail in the farmer quietly looks over.
It says well
clearly the nails not sharp enough and really do we change until the pain is great enough
right like you know we adapt to we get used to it but this also true for a lot of the goals we go after the things we aspire to we have these great and ambitious goals or
like we have been talking about deal working really hard to create as much Clarity around.
A goal or design what we like to feature to look like and we Define it and we try to do our best to measure it and that's what Clarity does.

[2:46] The challenge though is when you do that it also begins to reveal
where you're at like the gap between where you are and where you want to go and usually closing that Gap requires work closing that Gap and we have to be honest about it like and keep this in mind as you you know for the audience
look I'm not only do I consultant and all that but you know an executive coach
I do a lot of keynote speaks speeches right I do a lot of keynote speaking all over the world no one wants to hear.

[3:19] Is hard work right like we're all I want to be motivated inspired but I'm when I'm motivating and inspiring you to do more than anything is to keep going.
I'm not motivating and inspiring just to get started or just to tell you it's going to be easy no really what we're getting equipped do to do is to keep.
Going and so when we talk about short-term pain long-term gate there will be short-term pain it comes along with it like
is going to be painful and however we Define pain and we can lean a little more into that as we get going but the pain will hit us and if we can go through it not avoid it.
Man we can get to the other side I hear you saying embrace the reality
because I think a lot of people are hearing this topic and they're saying okay you're talking about embracing the suck this is before we do this we need to embrace the reality and this is
something I know I do to myself often it's not going to be that bad you know if it's.
If it's getting up at 4:45 in the morning and getting my rear end into the gym the night before you're thinking oh that won't be that bad and then when you're in it oh
for me and tell me for 45 it's not that much fun for some people it might be but so there's this anticipation of.

[4:45] It's not going to be that bad and then you get into it and it is so let's talk let's talk about reality setting.

[4:52] Yes so reality setting in this is why I use the term we got to Define and measure right we got to find a measure be honest about the reality like because it is it's so inspiring to think about the ideal it's so inspiring to think about ho being in great shape and you're watching videos and you're seeing people in the commitment and like
but when the alarm pot actually goes off at 4:45.
Like when when is dark outside in cold and you got to leave your bed to go through it I mean that's part of the journey now here's the thing this is why I say often,
I said it's not you know some you know I form goals but it's not I don't reach the goal because I have a goal I reach the goal.
Because this habits that are created on the journey towards the goal and those habits are always created through discipline.
Look it's to instance it's the one where we not do not like I mean just being on for a minute it's disappear
so you know I get asked sometimes because of my how I consistently exercise and somebody said to me there's like man you're so disciplined some I'm not.

[5:58] This is not I'm not a creature of discipline I'm a creature of habit but I had to use discipline for a period of time in this area,
until it became a habit now there's plenty of other areas where clearly I'm not a person of discipline because I would have those areas fix as well but I have not read and now I'm suffering
the consequences of not having habits in those areas I stop and start but I don't keep it going it's looking at the reality in his face what is what's the price
we're going to pay what do I have to pay to from a discipline perspective
to reach what I want this is why they are say this way from almost every leader for all the leaders I work with and it'll and those who are coach and we're all leaders to various degrees in spite of the titles
but this is why perspective for leaders so important especially long-term perspective.
Because a long-term perspective for leader it will give them the opportunity to make sometimes painful decisions.
Understanding that that pain is only for season in order to get to where you want to go.

[7:08] But if you don't go away if you don't make that decision I think Brian Tracy Tracy said it best he called it this way he says people prefer.
He goes instead of pleasing results they want pleasing methods.
Right like instead of getting the result that really pleases you you want to use a method that pleases you but that method will never get you to the result that you're actually going after and so
having honest conversations like not to turn around it not pretending this is going to be work
this is going to be hard and the only challenges if the nails not sharp enough
staying status quo is it painful enough it really takes some digging deep to embrace that especially when you don't feel like you have to if that makes sense.

[7:59] Absolutely so it's another piece of it could be future casting and saying what is.
The world we want to create in our personal life in our business and say are we willing to pay the price to get there and work backward from.
Start with the end in mind it's a build that's why when often I believe Justice is there's a systematic.
Process to this.
Beginning with the end in my beginning with the ideal but beginning with the goal that you want beginning with what your actual desire is is so critical and you want to be as clear as possible that because the clear I am
now it doesn't seem like just something I want it feels like something that's mine
so now when I have to embrace the tough work I'm working from my goal I'm not just working for my goal.

[8:56] Now it's a small thing but is huge Even in our plane days our coaches were great of like a guy's there grunting.
Offseason workouts aren't fun man they suck they they coaches deliberately doing that 6 a.m. in the morning and and and keep in mind when you get none of the payoff.
Until the season starts which might be 6 months away.
So we have to literally think about where it's going how it's going to help us later house by embracing a grind now that is delayed
now we all know the greatest sign of maturity for anybody to be successful in any area is the ability to delay gratification that means I will have to sometimes have to experience pain without the payoff for a period of time.
Knowing that if I do the hard things now life will become easy.
But if I try to do the easy things now life is going to be hard and so many people are in there are situations that are hard right now because of that.
So I'm going to rewind back to a statement you made working from my goal.

[10:02] Not toward the goal did I meet me yeah I said it's better for us to function we want to think function
crosses from our goals not just to our goals everybody's working to get to your goal no it's far more powerful to work from your goal it keeps perspective in mind.
So give us an example of what that looks like okay get in two ways I gave one from a leadership perspective or leaders perspective and then I give one even in a personal situation in a in a in a leaders perspective it's like.
Fixing I'm developing and leading the individuals who are on my team and with there's a goal we want to get to but also the gold want to get to one of my goals is bringing out the best in them developing them for the next level if I keep in mind what I want.

[10:47] For them what I want from them without the goal I want them to reach it even influences how I coach them.
So the way that I'm coaching I won't make a big deal of something like for instance they may make a decision that might go sideways for they make me make a presentation to make a mistake if I don't keep in mind what I'm trying to develop in them.

[11:07] Then there's a chance they're about to have a chance for a presentation because I don't think they'll do it perfectly guess what I do I take it back.
And then I we miss that opportunity because I didn't keep the longer-term perspective in mind which is their growth their.
Which is also best for the organization I see it all the time when the leader keeps perspective in mind
decisions change there's a bunch of leaders I work with now it was like wow I'm really want to develop my people well that was serious you would have your people with you right now why are they sitting shot
good why aren't you put them in this position why are you still care delegation isn't just to get work off your plate delegation is for the purpose of development but that ribbon
will require short-term pain which means there's a chance they may not do it the way I would there's a chance they don't do it right
there's a chance I may have to be a little more involved in terms of the correction process but the long-term game you came to measure at some point
you are going to be able to spend far more time on high-leverage activities because of the their capability of the people you leave had just come up.

[12:11] On the secondary everyone of us who are parents this is also important
because we have to have long-term perspective you know I find this in coaching some time with athletes young athletes
um but but when I tell parents all the time I was like hey it is very important that you know you're watching your kid performing ass let him do it whenever you see this you see that remember
long-term perspective is creating character traits that will survive whatever moment they're in.

[12:38] But if we make a moment if we don't use these moments that may require some short-term pain in our kit.
Credit but it creates long-term me and remember my daughter's used to miss lunch they forget their lunch at home and is it when Mom wasn't home they would call me.
You know in there like that can you bring my lunch and I would always ask the question no
I gave him the answer say no and they go why I sent because I'm trying to figure out what you forgetting your lunch has to do with me.
Joking way but then I was like but I really believe you won't start
I really really believe you'll be okay it when I think long term I think this day you may not even remember long-term but you know they're like fifth grade fourth grade
all of a sudden the next day you know for the rest of year they never forgot their lunch again short-term pain.
But long-term gain we as parents are leaders we got to get those opportunities that sometimes it may be painful sometimes but if you keep the perspective of why.

[13:42] All the sudden makes that better
put this in thing chicks are like you know I care so much about what it looks like or I'm caring about short-term gain a quick win and there's a game we spoiled time and says like you know all money isn't good money all
a small window of all winds aren't good wins there are some good losses and that is true people have never got know there's great losses because if they can lose in a way where it teaches there's enough pain.
That tears are left that sharpens that nail where people realize I need to change we've just gain significantly
so I'm taking notes on this and step number one is asking.

[14:24] Ourselves the question what price am I willing to pay and then we're working from the goal.

[14:31] And you know you talk about parenting and I think of our kids are grown they're out of the house but the entire time they were growing up my wife and I said we are working to raise amazing adults there we go.
That's it Dale wow and and we had to
we were constantly reminding ourselves so that is the moment so as you explain that I'm like who that's why it was so hard that's why it was so painful and that's why we're reaping the benefits now
so
but you couldn't at the time because our designer to not only when we say pleasing methods men we don't want our kids in pain we don't want those we lead and paint we don't want anybody because we don't necessarily value pain
and and but the reality is pains a great lesson sometimes it's the only lesson so I don't feel consequence if I don't feel.
It can get in the way now not to make this too deep but they all may have shared this with you individually when you and I have just had time to spend together.

[15:31] When I was a speaker for you know it's a
big football organization like you know high school focus some of the top high school athletes football players in the country hands down right and so
I would be there until you got some of the top High School coaches are around the country too many college coaches to be there and so as the speaker.
I was remember being asked a question about from a particular
coach asking me are you know the example some of these professional athletes these NFL football players have for our young athletes
is a problem if they were a little bit better example I think
it'll be easier for these kids you know these kids will perform even better now keep in mind these are some of the top athletes and from an academic standpoint everything and I heard what they said and they said Do you believe that's kind of the cause of the problem these these professional Aspen and I laughed I said absolutely not.
I said the problems in this room the problem is the coaches who are sending you players and they like what do you mean I said see there's some Middle School coach somewhere.
Who has some who has a pretty good team but he has a couple of athletes on his team.
Who are complete completely out of control their characters off there but that Middle School.
Coach wants to win that game so bad then instead of bitching those kids he's going to play them anyways.

[16:59] Let's see what he's doing is not realizing that he's teaching them that Talent when we fought so guess what they didn't they didn't move them up to the high school level and then they run into a high school coach
what's the win that League Championship so bad that nobody will care about by the next day.
Well in that moment the character of the kids are not as important as winning that game.
So instead of that kid having to suffer the consequence of not going to class or not doing that no you go and talk to their teacher you're going to find ways that you can find a way to get around it and all of a sudden that same kid is now in college.

[17:33] Well he's so talented that he's not only an in college he really goes to class because he doesn't have to he knows what's coming now he's to the NFL now you believe once he's in the NFL with more money time attention fanfare,
that there's anything in him that's been a quick I know we want to talk about he should have got this whole new she got here all that but I'm telling you right now one of the most.
One of the most one of the sharpest Nails you could ever find any young athletes life,
is the bitch is not playing and so many coaches won't do that because they put short-term gain over long-term pain because a long-term pain would be somebody else's problem not their own.
Now that's a huge kind of roommate but
when I tell people that I said hey I need you to bring that down to your real life where are their up at where are things right now knowing that you can allow either yourself but more importantly some people influence the feel a little bit more weight of their decisions
the feel a little bit more the pain the consequence of something then coaching back but make sure they've learned and then long-term moving all benefit because of that lesson that you allowed to play out
we just stopped so many of the lessons by trying to bail people out or bail our team's out or bring because we're so concerned with the short term
when it's really the long-term we will gain if we allow that pain exist.

[18:53] And then another perspective on that is that we live in a culture that so highly values convenience Comfort I mean we can.

[19:06] Yeah even if I can't set the exact temperature I wanted my car then well I'd better update my car
so I'm not happy just being able to move the slider for them
blue to Red you know it's that level of everything about our lives is directed to how can I make myself more comfortable how can I make life easier remove all the friction and
you know.

[19:31] Keeps coming back to Parenting but it was a question that my wife and I asked how can we introduce some pain and discomfort in our kids lives to make them more resilient and I think the culture to say.
How can I introduce some pain into my life to give me some resilience for the long term.
Yeah I actually wrote about this is a gentleman named Marcus I wrote about in the in my book in moving a great now remember Marcus he was from Somalia the Marcus was as American name
and when I met him he was a managing director with you know Fortune.
Actually they're a Fortune 100 company but
he was a manager director some from Somalia he hears my whole conversation around potential and all these other things and he comes up to me and he asked he says Eric he told me his story he was a Child Soldier.
Like if you've ever seen the movie Blood Diamond so he went through all that and he told me a story which was phenomenal his wife story similar.
And its success he's been able to have going through everything gone through but I never forget what he said next he says Eric I'm concerned about my kids.
And I looked at him I said man why are you concerned about your kids what you've been able to accomplish your wife have been able to accomplish it's going to be so much easier for your kids he started laughing goes.
That's the problem easier just easier easier is not better.

[20:52] I'm trying to figure out wife and I try to figure out what are the obstacles what are the challenges what is the pain what is the problem my kids will have to overcome.
To bring out their potential.
Bring out the best in them and it was such a aha moment for me now we know that you know consult conceptually right but I never viewed.
That balance between me wanting to create an environment easier for my daughters and confusing easier to mean better.
No it's just easier and I've yet to see if we said before the easier you know it's
is that experience fact that right week we path of least resistance that is a bad practice this is why it's important for kids who find for ourselves sometimes to practice doing hard things.
It's like getting the price sometimes just do hard things like just a little bit include stuff that's
uncomfortable inconvenience you know I know it sounds crazy but you know sometimes make the cock shower freezing cold and just climb in it right like you just the shock yourself to doing things that are uncomfortable we have gotten away
from being comfortable doing uncomfortable things and I remind leaders often I said I know we're talking about business under but if you can practice being more and more uncomfortable.
Personally and privately it helps facilitate you having that type more so of a mindset.

[22:20] Professionally because it's Nick has a long term goals that you're going after discomforts going to come along with it there's no way you get there still stuck in your comfort zone there's no way so yeah.

[22:33] And it's an I would call it Insidious in that we don't even realize we're doing to ourselves in this constant pursuit of comfort and convenience.
If I live it man in so you know I'm not talking about it from a place of who I've mastered it I've got it you know I'm speaking from a place of being convicted because of it right like I gotten way too.

[22:59] Comfortable like you know game could things stay the same way they keep flowing but I got to get disrupted in it sometimes.
That's how we discover we're alive and when's the last time you felt alive usually when the last time you were scared I ask people that time when's the last time you get butterflies in your stomach when's the last time you've done something for the first time
you know what's something you need to do right now what's the difficult conversation but it's necessary it's going to be painful.

[23:27] But the gang are going to get from it is priceless just go through it don't avoid it.

[23:33] What price of my willing to pay work from the goal disrupt ourselves we.
Three steps anything else we should be doing in this area of embracing the short-term pain for the long-term gain just understand that again we are creatures of habit.
We are not creatures of discipline.
But we use discipline to create the Habit so the period of time we have to use discipline isn't as long as what people think we just got to be willing to do it and to be able to go through it you know and since we're not creatures of.

[24:10] There's a good chance there's some things you're going to start and then stop.

[24:15] Okay welcome to the crowd get up again all right they'll spend all your time zone they're going to start a I can't believe I know you didn't get just keep going.
Get right back up again and get going you're going to have to lean into it and because at the end of the day it's the Reps we go through to get to the other side and once you get to the other side
I mean now that happens establishing is so valuable and so that would be my last encouragement just as your discipline going through the discipline process,
just realize you're going to have stops and starts but get up again great word thank you for that
Eric bowls coaches trains it inspires leaders to unleash their potential and the potential of those around them you just heard it you can find more about Eric at the game changers inc.com and you can also find Eric
and myself on LinkedIn we'd love to connect with you.
On this thank you so much for spending this time with us on the podcast if it helped you would you give it a rating and hopefully write a review say something nice about it that helps it show up higher in.
Search results I did check Eric we're in the top 3% of podcasts now
so that's millions millions that were not as high as we could be if we would have some folks go out and share this podcast so.

[25:40] Content is fantastic thanks to Eric and you got an opportunity to share this with some people and you know help spread the pain.
That's right ha ha ha appreciate you my brother appreciate you do so right review and make sure you are subscribed to this podcast for the latest have.

[25:59] Tastic week the game changers unleashing your best in life and work with Eric Bowles and Dale Dixon.
Eric is an executive coach leadership expert change consultant and keynote speaker.
Read his book Moving to great and find him at Eric Boles.com connect with Dale at Dale Dixon media.com.

[26:19] Music.