Kirbie P | Infertility, loss, and a homebirth with a midwife & doula.

On today’s episode of Moony Birth Stories, I am joined by Kirbie from Saskatoon. Kirbie opens up about her journey through infertility, including over a year of trying to conceive, working closely with a fertility clinic, and experiencing multiple losses along the way. Kirbie reflects on the incredible moment she welcomed her baby at home, surrounded by unwavering support from her husband, midwife, and a doula. 

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Transcript

 On today's episode, we are joined by Kirbie from Saskatoon. She unfortunately experienced infertility and a few losses before she became pregnant with her son Shepherd. Kirby had a home birth with a midwife and a doula, and then she also shares more about her postpartum journey. Awesome. Yeah, let's get started then.

Can you start by telling everyone a little bit about yourself? Yeah. My name is Kirbie. I'm 32 years old, and I'm married. My husband and I have been married for three and a half years. We've been together for almost nine years. And we grew up together too, so we've known each other for a long time.

My job I'm a mother, so that's my most important job now, but I'm a sonographer, so an ultrasound tech. Oh, awesome. No, no one. Yeah. And lots of people don't really know what sonographer is yeah I do ultrasound techs and I really do love my job. It's great. Yeah, and my husband and I, we decided to, we wanted to start having family pretty much right after we got married, so that's where our journey starts right after that.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Tell us that road to getting pregnant. Yeah. So it was it took longer than I thought it was gonna be. But so we started trying, I think it was like may, like right after our wedding. And I, I was like, oh, this, I don't think this will take too long. Like I, my periods have always been regular.

Like I've had 28 day cycles and we just did the natural family planning method, so I wasn't on any birth control. So I had no reason, like my body didn't need to adjust to getting off that or anything. So yeah, we started trying May and we actually had a positive pregnancy test that first time trying and I was just naive.

I was like, okay, like we're having a baby. Yeah. And but I told my parents and my sister for sure. And you got excited. And then, a week later I had bleeding. So pretty, it was pretty much like a period, but a bit heavier. And I was like, oh, okay. This is weird. I looked into it and I was like, okay, I think this was a chemical pregnancy.

So I was like, okay, it's okay. This happens all the time. Like we will move past it. We'll keep trying. It's okay. I was definitely sad. Yeah. But, I was okay, will you like, I'm okay. So I think my husband was maybe a little bit more sad than I was that time. But I still went to work and moved on and then I was like, okay, let's keep going.

We'll keep trying and fully did for a few months. And that happened. Yeah, very like the very end of May that I had the bleeding. And then June we try nothing. July we try nothing. August, nothing. And then I was feeling a little confused okay, like still nothing, like it happened quickly the first month.

Then we had another positive pregnancy test in October, I think it was middle of October. Or early October. And then I was like, okay. Oh my gosh, like we're pregnant. This is so exciting. Like this we'll meet our, we'll meet this baby. And then I, again, I had told family and some friends 'cause I was like, what are the chances that like a loss would happen again?

I was like, women usually like, will sometimes have one and then that'll just be it. I was having some weird bleeding off and on and I was like, okay this doesn't seem normal. I'm not really sure. And then so I saw my doctor. And then he referred me like to an OB clinic in the city.

And then so she saw me and she was like, it's probably okay, but we'll run some, we'll run some tests, go for an ultrasound kind of thing. And I was like, okay. So then, that made me feel better. So I had an ultrasound around seven weeks I think. And then, everything was was looking fine.

I had a little sub chorionic hematoma. I was like, okay. Yeah. Like I, those are pretty common. And then, I don't know, something just didn't sit right with me. I just, I don't know what it was. I just had this feeling that something wasn't right. But that seven week ultrasound, like the BA baby had a heartbeat and everything.

So I try not to worry, and then the weekend rolled around and I still just had this feeling that something wasn't right and then. I still had this bleeding, it was like more brown and stringy, and I was like, oh, this seems weird. It was, I was around eight weeks pregnant.

Yeah. Then I had some more bleeding, so I went in, I had an ultrasound and yeah, a baby no longer had a heartbeat. That was really hard. I think it was one of the hardest things, my husband and I, we've ever had to deal with, losing that baby. We went home and we I guess like I feel like I'm a little bit of a control freak in a way.

So I, I was like, okay, like this baby no longer has a heartbeat. I just want to, I wanna almost move on. And so I, so we took the the misoprostol, that kind of your uterus contracts, and then you miscarry the baby. Yeah. So that's the route I took. I was just, I was just that confused and I was like I just want the baby to, come out.

So we did that at home and that was really hard. My, my husband was there really? He was, holding my hand through it the whole time. It was pain. Like it was painful with the contractions that you have when the baby comes out. Yeah. He was holding my hand the whole time and then and then, yeah we lost the baby at home.

So that was in November that, that happened. I'm sorry you experienced those losses? Yeah, that was really hard. And then I think that it was also really traumatic for me in a way. I didn't have any family or any really close friends that had gone through it to hear the experience or talk with them or had that support in a way, like we did have support. We did have support, but no one really no one really could relate or could understand what I was feeling. Yeah. So it was hard. And I think after that I just. Went to a dark place a little bit. Like why did this happen a couple months later? Anyways, we started trying again because I was like, okay I really wanted a baby.

So we're like, okay, keep trying. And so that was at the end of 2022 that we had that miscarriage. And then the new year comes and we try and no success. We don't get pregnant, so we don't get pregnant that whole year of 2023. Wow. That's a long time. Yeah. Yeah. So we tried for that whole year and nothing.

So I went to my doctor and, I was like, yeah, like we've been trying nothing's happening, but I had been pregnant before. And I knew I I knew I had some kind of like post-traumatic, like stress happening. And I I was like, I don't know and my periods were still regular, like after that miscarriage and everything seemed fine that way.

So yeah, I, I saw my doctor and then we were referred to the fertility clinic in, in the city here. Yeah. So we went there and had some testing done which everything was fine. Like we had the ultrasound we had some blood work done. My husband and I both had some stereotyping done just because of the, like the miscarriages and everything.

So do I wanna make sure nothing was up chromosomally or anything? So that all turned out fine. Then we, I also had did the gram when they put the saline through your uterus and fallopian tube, just to make sure that's all clear. Yeah. And that was, that turned out fine. And then I think they, they also count the follicles on their ovaries too at that time, I think.

And that was fine. So yeah, we go that whole year not getting pregnant and that it was just, yeah. Every month, you get your hopes up and then you have them come crashing down again. I think, honestly, think living in the, so I guess we, we have a bit of a fertility journey, or an infertility journey. Yeah. You, that was really hard, but I think I came out of there, probably a little stronger and more resilient than I gave myself credit for. And, I kept moving forward even, I didn't know how loss of the time. Somehow I just, I actually, we had, I had a couple friends who were going through a similar thing.

They were trying for a baby and they, they went down the IVF route, a couple of my friends, and it was just, it was, inspiring that they, they were doing it. I was like, okay, they're going through this hard thing too, and so are we, and we're in this together kind of thing.

Yeah. It helps to not feel so alone. Yeah. Because it really is it's very isolating and it is just this quiet it's quiet grief, but unless you've been through it, you just, you don't know. Yeah. Yeah, so then we keep trying. So then it's actually the fertility clinic they actually put, ended up putting me on oid, like thyroid medication for hypothyroid.

My thyroid was a little bit hypo. It was like on the borderline of being hypo. That September I started thyroid medication. So I was having hypothyroid symptoms for sure. I was feeling tired all the time, just a little bit exhausted. I was losing hair. I actually applied to see a naturopath, so I saw her and I feel like I saw her.

And, it was really lovely. She was so empathetic and I really felt seen and heard when I saw her. I was like, yeah, like something isn't right. And she was like, yeah, no you're not wrong. This is all connected in a way. And she was explaining the hormone things and like how the prolactin works and the progesterone and whatever.

And I was like, okay. Thank you for hearing me and seeing me like something is not going right. I just was horrible. You just, I just took some supplements to see if that would help boost my progesterone a bit and try to de-stress my body a little bit. So 24. Yeah.

We're trying to get pregnant and nothing. I think January came around and I spiraled a little bit and was feeling pretty confused and upset we're still not pregnant what's going on? Yeah. And then February, I've got a positive pregnancy test and I saw the two lines and I was like, I just.

Was bawling. I was like, what? Yeah, is this real? Is this real? I almost didn't believe it because I hadn't seen it in so long. And yeah, I can only imagine the feelings, the excitement, but also stress and disbelief. Yeah, it was, yeah, I was, my husband was like what's going on? I was we're pregnant.

I was is this do you see what I'm seeing? Are you seeing these two lines? What is happening? And and then so I was excited. So I called the I was excited, but also I would say I was more also is this gonna, is this gonna turn out? Is this just gonna be another like, oh no we're gonna lose this pregnancy again.

So I called, so we were with the fertility clinic at that time, so I called. Aurora and I was like, Hey, we got a positive pregnancy test. So then they send you res to get blood work done. So I got blood work done right away. And then my beta came back at only 50, and then they were like, yeah, like that's, pretty low.

And they also prescribed me progesterone at the time to take a suppository, right? I can't even remember if I started taking those or not. And then so I took, yeah, I got pregnancy tests. I took that, I took like digital tests. I took them all, they all said pregnant. And then I took them maybe a test a day or two later and I noticed the line wasn't as dark.

And I was like, oh, okay. Like I think this is another chemical pregnancy. And then sure enough, yeah, I ended up bleeding like a week after the positive pregnancy test and. It was, yeah, another chemical. Oh, I was confused again oh, like why is my body like, why does this keep happening?

It was hard again. But that time I, we didn't tell anyone. I was like, I am not gonna tell anyone this time because we don't know. I don't know where this is gonna go from that, that second experience we had. So I just bottled that one up and I was like, okay. We'll just keep trying.

So yeah, we so the next month we tried and we fell pregnant again that month and I was like, okay, wow. Like another positive pregnancy test. And that time I was really. I felt more scared and than I think I ever felt. Yeah. So I, yeah, I didn't really feel excited. Sorry. Don't be sorry.

So we, again, I had the positive cancer test. I called I called Aurora and we got blood done. And then my betas again were low. They were like 50, and she was like, oh, like the nurse was like we usually like to see about like a hundred or higher at the, the two week post ovulation mark.

And she's maybe, maybe. Like the timing. I was like, no. Like I I have regular periods. Like I know when we conceived I know. Yeah. Like I know all the details. Like I know when it was like, I'm not really off like maybe a day or two, but, and then, so I went for another beta I think it was going every two, no, every four days maybe.

I can't remember how often I went for that pregnancy. So I went again and actually the, my beta had doubled. It had over doubled. So I was like, okay, great. But it was still like low I don't know, it was maybe like 300 or something. Like the date, the numbers really, in hindsight, they don't really matter.

Like they just, as long as it's doubling, right? Yes. So yes, it was doubling and I was like, okay, like this is a great small step forward. The data are doubling. And then at home I was taking pregnancy tests just to make sure the line was getting darker instead of lighter. And which it was.

So I was like, okay, like the line was getting darker and my betas were doubling. So I had went through a few betas and then I had booked in an ultrasound at seven weeks. I was feeling pretty good at that point, like more positive about like the pregnancy outcome, I guess I would say. I think I had a little bit, a little subc choic hematoma, but I had no bleeding, no spotting, no bleeding with with that pregnancy.

So that was really great. When you see that blood, you're just like doom and gloom, you're like, oh, like this isn't good. So to have no spa, no bleeding, pregnancy was really great. And then so I was taking the, yeah, the progesterone suppositories with this pregnancy as well.

Like they had prescribed and recommended. And then I was like, can I have another early ultrasound? Just for peace of mind, like I was worried, like I was like, let's just make it to, nine, 10 weeks. Let's make it further than I did the, with the early eight week miscarriage.

And yeah, so we booked a 10 week ultrasound and they did it there and baby was looking great. He was moving around in there and it was really cool to see. Yeah. So my husband and I were pretty happy. I had applied for a midwife. I knew I always wanted a midwife and I always dreamed of having a home birth.

Yeah, we got a midwife and I started, besides seeing her, I think around 12, 12 weeks, she took over care. And we had a pretty uneventful pregnancy, so that was good. It was like no complications. He was going good. I was nauseous for about 16 weeks, but I didn't puke. I didn't peak or anything.

But I was, I was tired and I didn't eat very good. Like I just, that first trimester you just eat pretty much bland like carbs you're eating toast and noodles and you're just trying to get through the first few months. Yeah. But and I had some food aversions, I'd say the smell of like ground beef or like coffee or anything with strong smells.

I was like, oh gosh. I think I'm gonna throw up, but I never did. So that was good. I know some people, like some women, they really get sick and I couldn't imagine how hard that would be. So I felt pretty lucky that, I. Had a pretty good pregnancy that way. And I got to the point where I was I was enjoying being pregnant and enjoying this baby.

I was like, whatever happens, I'm, we're taking it one day at a time and we're gonna just love this baby every day we get with him. Yeah. Wow, Kirby, what a journey to get here. Oh my goodness. And so at what point did you feel like you could get a little bit excited and tell people? Probably, it was earlier than I thought it was gonna be.

I think because part of my job, I see lots of miscarriages and, lots of them happen in the first trimester, I think around that like 12, 13, 14 week mark, even around 10 weeks, I was feeling pretty, pretty good about everything. I told, we told our family around nine, 10 weeks.

Awesome. What was your plans or hopes for birth? I was wanting to have a home birth. I was wanting spontaneous, I was hoping to go into labor spontaneously. I was hoping to have a physiological birth. I was hoping to, not have an epidural and I really didn't want any interventions.

I understood that like it's. Things were needed for the safety of me, for the safety of baby, then like of course I would do something if it came to that. But I just wanted, I wanted to really trust the process and, have the baby, like the physiological birth.

So my husband was on board, he was a little I'm sure as a husband, I, he doesn't really, he doesn't really know I was like I'm the one giving birth. I this is really what I would like to do. Yeah, he was really supportive and I was like, if you have any questions to ask the midwife, ask the midwife, whatever, if that'll make you feel more comfortable about.

In the end, he never really had any questions. Yeah. He just went along with it. Yeah. Yeah. So we, yeah we prepared for that. So I I read a book a Heck No birthing book. The birth company. She does courses too. And then she has that book. I thought that was really helpful.

Probably the second half of the pregnancy I was really doing also the mind work and mental work on just, staying calm and, coping mechanism to get through the contractions and just to try to surrender to the process as best as I could. And I had a little birth, a birthing ball that I would sit on every night and I'd put my headphones in and just listen to a calming track.

And it was just so calming and relaxing. And I felt like I really, would connect with the baby at the same time. And we just had our time on the birthing ball and relaxing together. I had also got the Christian Hypnobirthing app. And there was some tracks on there too, some positive affirmations.

So yeah, I had a really like positive mindset going in and we didn't tell people that we were having a home birth because I think there's lots of fear around birth. A lot of misinformation. Yeah, a lot of misinformation for sure. And fear. So I was like, I'm gonna protect this little sacred birth space of mine, and I don't want any negative information or feedback, yeah. So we didn't really tell anyone. I, we told our family and my family was really supportive and they believed in me, like they believed I could do it at home. And they, I think at first my mom was a bit worried, she had questions and then, but then she had talked to some people that she worked with actually, I think, that had a home birth or.

And then she was much better about it. I think she was oh my gosh. What are you doing? I was I was I appreciate that you care and you worry about me, that, this is what I wanna do and I just need your support at this time.

And yeah she ended up, yeah she was on board and fine and good. So yeah. Other than that, we didn't really, we didn't really tell anyone because I was like, we're just gonna protect this birthplace and just, and yeah, go from there. So we we started preparing for the home birth. We got the birth supplies, we got the home ready.

And I was, I liked the idea of having a water birth. So I got the birth pool and I wasn't really set on having a water birth, but I was like, I would like to try and, yeah, we got the pool and we got all the birth supplies, I think around like 38 weeks or 38 weeks pregnant or something.

And then yeah, I saw the midwife and we were making a plan for, like when baby comes and if babies overdue, like what happens because, I really wanted to do this at home or even if I did it at the hospital, I was fine with that. I just wanted the birth pool there at the hospital and I just wanted, I didn't want many people around and I just didn't really want any interventions if we didn't need them.

So yeah, I was like, okay, hopefully this baby doesn't come, like 10 days late. Other than otherwise I'd probably have to have. Him in the hospital third trimester, I was still feeling pretty good. I wasn't too uncomfortable. I worked for, I don't know, I was done work on November 15th and I was due November 24th.

So I worked for a while. I was feeling good and I was like, why not? So I had a, I had 10 days, to myself at home and got a few last minute things done and just getting ready to apply for maternity leave and everything. Yeah. Yeah. So 40 weeks came and I was like, okay.

I was worried about the timing of this baby. I was like I was really trusting. My body's timing and his timing and I was like, whenever he comes is gonna be when he comes. And I wasn't trying, all the methods to get him out or anything. I know some people like, they do all these things to try to get the baby out.

Yeah. But I was like, that's, I don't think any of that really is gonna work. So just, you just surrendered to the process. Yeah. Yeah. I totally did. I, the only thing I did, I was I did get some clary Sage essential oil, and I was like, that's my one and only thing I did. And I, I think when I hit 40 weeks I was like, okay, I'm gonna diffuse this in the shower and rub a little bit on my belly.

So I did that at 40 weeks. I can't remember if I did it for a couple days. I think I might have done it for a couple days. And then that was it. It smelled nice and whatever. And I'd heard sometimes the midwife. Some midwives, I think really believe CL sage worked to get labor going.

So yeah, my due date came and went, and then it was November 26th and I was feeling a little bit comy that day, but I didn't really think anything of it. I was like, oh, I'm not gonna get too excited. This is like the, my first time. And I had it in my mind that, labor can take like 24, 30 hours.

Like it's gonna be a long process. Yeah. So up until this point you hadn't felt anything? No. I hadn't I, yeah, so I was feeling a little bit crampy the one day, pretty much all day, front and back cramp, but it was pretty mild. I was like, oh yeah, I'm today, but whatever.

Probably nothing. And then, so that night get ready for bed, it's 10 30. And my husband comes up to bed and I get up and gosh, a fluid comes out. And I'm like oh. I think I was like, I think my water just broke. And I was like, so if my water broke, and I was like, okay. Wow. And then so the midwife, they, I had this sheet of paper and it's if your water breaks and it's clear try to go to bed.

So that's what I did. I tried. I was like, okay, I'm just gonna go back to sleep. But an hour later. I think I, maybe I was too excited or something. I guess I didn't go quite to bed 'cause I had got up, maybe I just went to pee and then I felt another gush and I was like, okay, yeah this was a little bit more than the first time.

Like my water definitely broke. And so that's when I really felt real to me. And I said to my husband, I was like, okay, like this is happening. I'm like, I'm feeling really, I'm feeling really scared. Actually, we're gonna have a baby. Like we're gonna need parents. This is real. And then my husband was like, yep, that's what, so yeah, so then I'm like, okay, I'm gonna try to go to sleep.

I tried, but, and that, what that happened at, it was like 1145, so just before midnight. And I tried to go back to sleep and, but the contractions came on right away. So I was in bed. I was like, oh yeah, like I can't really lie down. This is pretty uncomfortable. And so then I got, I put in my my kinda my hypno boiling tracks and I was trying to get through my, get through the contractions and I was getting through and I kind said to my husband, I was like, oh, like this is uncomfortable.

I might knee you, but I also ah, but I'll just let him sleep. As long as, I was like, what's the point of us both being really tired, 'cause this could take two days. This could take a day or two. Yeah. So I was like, I'll just let him sleep. And so we have a two story house, so our bedrooms are upstairs.

So I went down to the main floor where I had our space set up. I had some twinkle lights and the birth ball. And so I went down there and I put in my tracks and I just just. Went through the contractions down there for a few hours. I didn't think I wanted to time the contractions, but I ended up just timing them, just out of curiosity to see how close they were.

And they were about 10 minutes apart Okay. For a few hours. Then they went to eight minutes and then, so that was around like min, I guess maybe one in the morning when I started timing them. And then a couple hours later they went to about five minutes apart. And then I was like, okay, I feel like this is pretty close.

I don't really know, but it seems like we're happening close together. And I was starting to get to the point where I was struggling a little bit with getting through the contractions on my own. And at this point my husband was still sleeping. I still hadn't woken and I still hadn't woken him up.

But I, we actually had a doula as well, and I texted her actually when my water broke just to give her a heads up. And then I didn't know what to do. I was pretty uncomfortable. So I called the doula, I think it was like five in the morning. I called her and I was like, Hey, like I'm struggling here.

And she was like, ah, maybe call the midwife. I was like, okay, yeah, I'll call the midwife. So I called her and I told her, I was like, Hey I am, my water broke. I'm in labor. I'm just having a hard time coping, like I just don't really know what to do. And so she was like okay do you think you can wait an hour?

And I was like no. Yeah. Okay. She like, you know what? I'm up now. I'll just, I'll come over now. And then she's is your husband like, is your husband there with you? I was like, ah, he's sleeping. He was like, yeah, you should probably wake him up. So I was like, yeah, okay. I'll wake him up.

I so she's yeah I'll get there. I'll get ready and I'll come to you kind of thing. Yeah. So I went upstairs and I woke up my husband up and I was like, Hey, like I called the doula and the midwife like, I think it's time for you to wake up now. So she was like, okay. Yeah.

He was with me and the doula got there first and then she was I think that you should start setting up the birth pool when you're in early labor. So we set up the birth pool when we're in early labor birth because she's it takes a little bit of time and then it takes time filling the pool.

And she's yeah, you don't wanna be messing around with that, like an active labor kind of thing. Yeah. Better to have it set up than not. Yeah. So then my husband did all that. I don't even really remember him doing that. And then the midwife gets there about six in the morning, and then I was so happy to see her.

And so we had a nice little chat and I was like, oh, can you check me? I am just, I'm curious to see like how dilated I am. Like I'm so uncomfortable. I have to be dilated. So then, yeah, she checked me and I was four centimeters. Okay. So I was like, oh, that's pretty good. I was pretty happy with that.

Then then we keep going with contractions and I had a tending machine as well. I can't remember if I had probably put the tending machine on. Maybe it was in the morning. I can't remember if I put it on quite yet, but. Anyways, I put a tendon machine on too. And what did you find was helping you cope?

I had my birth ball. I was sitting on that and I would just sway my hips back and forth and in circles. And at that point I would just close my eyes and just take, try to take deep breaths and I just found the silence was helpful and I could just get into this quiet space and just breathe through the contractions as best as I could.

So I found that was really helpful. I would just, close my eyes and just take some breaths. So yeah I really worked on that. And then I think it was around maybe nine, 10 in the morning the contractions were getting stronger and then I think that's when my midwife was yeah, you're an active labor.

She didn't like outwardly tell me I was an active labor, but yeah. That's when I think she had marked it down and. Notes or whatever. And then I actually threw up I don't, I can't remember if it was. That I threw up and then I was like, okay. But she's this is normal. This is your body's doing what it needs to do.

And I was like, okay. And then I just remember that I threw up a couple times and she was like, okay, are you done? And then I kept going and then she's oh no, you're not done. She's okay. So yeah, I threw up quite a bit actually, just I think it was around that when active labor had just started.

Yeah. And then and then I got a little bit of food and me, I had made some muffins, I think a day or two before that. So I had ate some muffins and and then yeah, things had picked up and were getting a little bit more tense that morning and afternoon. And so we had done some like some size, some different positions to get the baby down where a baby needs to go and engage, engage down the pelvic floor. So that was pretty uncomfortable. I had to do some different positions for a few contractions, and that was pretty uncomfortable. But I was just breathing through them.

I feel like at that point I was being more vocal like with just moaning and just like making more like primal noises. And I found that was helping me get through and the contractions. And then so a few hours ago, oh, I think around 10 actually, when I was in active labor I wanted to be checked again.

And I was like, can you check me? I just wanna see if there's progress. I, this is, I feel, I was feeling really things are getting really a lot more intense. So she checked me and then I think she was like, oh yeah, about, I think it was about five centimeters, but she's but you're fully safe.

Like your cervix is completely thinned out. Okay. And she's that, that, and she's that is good. And I was like, okay, so like these contract, like these contractions aren't going nowhere, like I'm getting somewhere kind of thing. So I, I was feeling positive about that. But I was oh, I only had gained like a centimeter or maybe two centimeters.

But but then I was fully faced, so I was feeling fine. Yeah. It still felt like progress. Yeah, it did. So then, yeah, I continued to just have more intense contractions at home and got into a few more positions and yeah. And then, my husband was there. I think I did some positions with him, just like leaning on him and, squeezing his hands and the TENS machine was helpful at a kind of just.

I had something else to focus on I was like, okay. Yeah. Like I tend the machine. I would just press that button. Yeah. When I felt the construction coming, I would just press that button. Yeah. It's honestly more of just a distraction Yeah. Than anything. I think so, because I was like, in hindsight I was like, ah, like I don't really think it it, like I I didn't really feel it.

The contractions were way more intense than the 10 machine, but. Then it's just funny how, in between contractions, you could just have a normal conversation. Oh yeah. It's just crazy. And I was like, in the morning I was like, oh do you think I'm gonna meet this baby today?

And, my midwife was like, oh yeah, for sure. I was like do you think it'll he'll come like this afternoon, like tonight. She's yeah. And I was like, oh, great, okay. And then I was like, okay I think I'm wanting some pizza. Let's order pizza. So that, so I was like, Hey Lisa, we were gonna order pizza and one baby, one baby came.

And then the contractions came and then everything was quiet again. And I would just just go into the zone. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what time, so we had a home birth. They have a second midwife come to your house. One, so they have one midwife for me, the mom, and then one midwife for the baby.

I think that's their plan. So yeah, so it was around maybe noon and I think our midwife called a second midwife. Or maybe it was around noon, one o'clock around that time. And they had felt a birth pool. Things were getting intense and actually, no, they hadn't called the, I'm gonna back up a little bit.

They hadn't called a second midwife yet. I remember getting to the point of. Labor where I felt like I couldn't go on anymore. I, so they, she was like, okay, go in the shower. While we get the birth pool. While we get the pool finished up. She's I think the water will help. So I went in the shower and then my husband woke up with me holding my hand, and I just remembered being like, I can't do this anymore.

I want the epidural. I can't do this. And then my husband was he didn't really know what to do. He was oh, okay. I was like, tell Lauren, tell the midwife that I I was just saying tell her I need the epidural. Yeah. And he's oh.

He's you want me to go tell her? Are you sure? I was like, yes. Go tell her. And I just remember, I think I was just squatting in the shower and having the water run on my back and I was squeezing his hands. And so he went and got her and then she came up and the doula came up and they were, they just talked me off the ledge a little bit.

They were like, you, by the time we get in the car, we drive to the hospital, you're gonna have the baby. And she's you don't wanna have the baby in the car. Yeah. I was like, no. I was like, no. Like I, no I don't want that. I don't wanna go anywhere. I wanna stay at home but I want the epidural.

Yes. And I was like, this is just it just is just so intense. And I was they talked me off the ledge and I was like yeah, you're right. So I was done in the shower and they're like, okay, come on the pool now and see how that feels. So I got in the pool and then I was like, okay, yeah, this feels nice.

And it was a little bit too hot at first. They put some cool water in and I had a little fan there. And so I was just relaxing in there. I had a few contractions in there and it was just, it felt really nice and calming, but I, but part of me also felt a little like. I was almost like hot. I was too hot in there almost.

I think maybe the water was a little bit too warm. I don't know. Yeah. So I was relaxed, but also a little uncomfortable. I don't know, but I think you're just getting to that place where you're so close to meeting your baby, and it just, it's a lot. And I remember getting to the point where I was super emotional and I started crying and I was like I am scared.

I don't know what to do. I'm not ready. Like it was all, it all just was you just, you're so close to meeting your baby, and I think all the emotions just hit. So they were really good and supportive. And it sounds like you had a really amazing birth team that you could really lean on and they, oh my gosh.

Were so supportive. Yeah. Oh, our midwife was just great. And the doula, our doula was great too. She was rubbing my back and was telling me, I could, I can do this. I, I'm strong. I got this. So yeah, they were like, it was getting to the point where I was, I should probably be pushing.

So did you have any other checks? No, at this point I didn't have any other checks I was I think at the space where I was just, I was like, I didn't really want anyone touching me, really. I was like, I don't want to be checked. I tried to have a few pushes in there, in the birth pool or in the birth pool.

And then I was like, oh I remember being like, it hurts. It hurts. And then, then Melissa, like, where does it hurt? And I was like, like I had read about like the cervical lip thing and I was like, oh in the back of my mind I was like, oh, I know that could be a thing.

But she, I think maybe that's why she's asked me where did it hurt? But I, it was hard. It's so hard to describe like where it hurts and but anyways, I'm like, and then she's do you want me to check you? I'm like no, nope. I just remember like being like, no, I don't wanna be checked. Yeah.

So I just couldn't imagine just her hand going up there again. I was like, no. Like I am just, it too much. It's just too intense right now. I just, I don't want the, another intense sensation. So I tried to push in the bird pool and at that point they had called the second midwife to come and then I pushed him up.

I would, I didn't really have any good pushes, but I remember I had lost my, the, I think it's like the bloody, like the blood clot that comes out. Like the mucus head. I, yeah, maybe I had lost that in the pool. So that was, I think that was good. Like things were happening. But out of the buing buoyancy of the water made it hard for me.

I to push and I just didn't really know how I felt like I didn't really know how to push and like with the breathing and getting my body to push was hard to find that balance or that that synchronously, I don't know. So the, I was in there for a while and maybe an hour-ish. And then the second midwife, they said, they suggested, why don't you get outta the birth pool?

Like, why don't we get your bed ready and we'll try up there. So I was like, okay, yeah. Let's get outta the birth pool and let's go upstairs. So they got everything ready in the. Bed. Bed. So I, I started walking upstairs and I felt pressure and I was like, oh my gosh. I feel like this baby could come out right now.

I don't wanna have a baby on my stairs. Yeah. But I went through some contractions on the stairs, so I would just pause and breathe those contractions. And I saw lots of pressure, like really low down for sure. And then I made it upstairs on our bed. So I had some pillows stacked up by the headboard.

So I was on all, so I went on all fours in there. That kind of just is what my body just wanted to do. So I had my arms on the pillows and then they were like, Hey, do, push this baby out. So I, when I got into bed, I just felt hey, like I just had to mentally shift this baby has to come out, so just push him out.

So that's what I did, and I pushed, and then we were getting somewhere I screamed a little bit. I, it was really intense, that pushing part, but pushing took a while. So I pushed for a while. I think it was about 45 minutes of pushing that I pushed him out on our bed. And then I remember I.

It was definitely that, that burning sensation, like that ring of fire that everyone talks about. Yes. Yeah. And that, I remember feeling scared for that sensation. I think that was the scariest part for me for some reason. I don't know why, but so yeah, his head came out and I remember that I felt like a bit of relief when his head came out, and then I gave another maybe push or two I don't even know.

And then I think his shoulders came out and I remember feeling Ooh, that was, I felt bad burning. Yeah. Yeah. And then there, and then the rest of him just came out after that and then I just needed kind of 60 seconds to just oh, okay. Like just, this.

And then Hey, that it's done. It's over. Yeah. Like he's out. It just, it's just crazy how when a baby comes out, you're just instantly relief and it's over. So then I slowly, they slowly got me to turn onto my back. They were just like moving the umbilical cord outta the way, and he was crying and and I turned on my back and then they gave him to me and put him on my belly.

And, I felt, I just was like, it was just, it felt so euphoric and it was beautiful. I was like, wow. Like he's on me. And I'm also exhausted. I was like, I can't believe I just did that. I just did that at home on my own, I just, I did it and Aw, that sounds so wonderful.

Yeah, it really was. So I I didn't, I thought, that moment mom's crying with the baby on their chest, but I didn't even cry. I think I was just, felt like, wow. Like I was just, wow. And just the adrenaline I think was just still really urging through me.

So I was just, wow. And then yeah, my husband cut the cord and everything was looking good with baby and me. And I remember he came out and they ended up giving me the oxytocin shot in my leg for the placenta to come out. But they, I don't really think they were I wanted a physiological birth of the placenta as well.

Yeah. But I'm not really sure. I think they just. Maybe they just saw a little, I think maybe she said she saw it was just a little bit of bleeding, so they just gave me the oxytocin. And I think maybe, I don't know, maybe just the situation we were in, like being at home and everything, they just wanted to do that.

So I was fine with that. And then but they weren't worried about, I I didn't have any scary amount of bleeding or anything like that, but I remember the placenta came out and I remember hearing people saying how painful the birth of the placenta could be. So I was a little bit worried for that.

But no, the, they gave me the oxytocin and then the placenta came right out and it was just just, it was like a little gush, just boop, it came out. Yeah. Yeah. Just plops out. Exactly. So that was like nothing. And then, so then the next thing I think was just to see if I had, if I torn and I was like, oh gosh I felt like a burning sensation.

Like I wouldn't be surprised if, I tore. Yeah. But so she checked and she was like, oh yeah, like you just have two, like labial sweats. So I was like, oh, okay. So she was looking and she's oh yeah they're just small and it didn't seem bad and so I don't, my, I didn't even tear my perineum or anything.

I just had two little, just on the lady on the one side, so that wasn't bad at all. She stitched those up and I remember being like, oh yeah, like this is uncomfortable. Are you almost done? Yeah. Kind of thing. And she's yeah, sorry. I know this is uncomfortable. Like you just gave birth and now I have to do this.

But yeah and that's another thing, like if you have more than a second degree tear, then they can't set you up at home. You have to go to hospital. Yeah. Which would just be awful to have to transfer postpartum, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I was really hoping that I wouldn't have to transfer. So that was great news that I just had, the labial, like the small cares there and so she stitched those up at home for me and that was great.

So both of the midwives were there caring for me and baby, and going through all the post care and if you have bleeding, like X amount, then let us know. And and I remember, I guess I did actually, I was shaky after birth too, but I think it was maybe just the adrenaline.

And I was, I remember shaking so much and I was like, I'm shaking. And midwife was like, it, she's it's okay. It's, you're okay. And I was like, okay. Okay. Because I sometimes I tend to worry about things. Like I say, I'm definitely like a worrier by nature. Yeah. So I it's just okay.

And she's yeah, no, you're fine. Good. And then, yeah, he, I guess the next thing was for him to feed and for him to latch. So he did that fairly quickly. He latched and he was feeding pretty good, but I remember the midwife checked, I think she checked for like oral ties and stuff.

And so she checked under his tongue like right away and she's yeah, he has a bit of a tongue tie here. I remember doing lots of research about oral ties when I was pregnant. Yeah. And just because, it can, it affects so much like when they're older and like their teeth, their breathing, just everything.

So I was like, okay, here's an oral tie. Dang. But we'll deal with that probably relatively soon, yeah, but postpartum, I felt like the first, I think three days, I was like running on adrenaline still for sure. And I don't think I slept. I was just like, I created this beautiful baby. I just wanna hold him, stare at him.

Like I, I love him so much. So I don't think I really got any sleep those first few days. But I didn't really wanna sleep at the same time, but I think it must have just been like the adrenaline, I don't know. Yeah. But I, it was, we had such a beautiful time at home. We just, we had him at home and then we were in the comfort of our own home after.

And the midwife comes right to you the next day and then a few days later and everything was looking good. She was speeding. Really good. My milk had come in, I think I don't know if it was exactly on day three. I feel like for me it was maybe like a day or two later. 'cause I, day three came around and I didn't have that engorgement.

I was like, okay, I think my milk came in, but I don't know, my I didn't get that, that pain or like the really that engorgement feeling. And then a couple days went, a couple days went by and then I did get that engorgement feeling and I was like, oh, this is what I thought maybe I was one of those people that like, didn't get that.

Yeah, but you're like, oh, this is it. Yeah. I was like, oh, shoot that. Okay. So yeah, that was really painful actually. I, that engorging being really painful for a couple days, but but yeah, no, my mouth came in and he was still feeding pretty good. But I remember the breastfeeding pain, it was really painful for about a week and.

I was like, oh, I don't know. I see why people can't carry on because the pain it was like burning. I was like, I remember feeling I think this might be worse than labor pain. Yeah. Wow. The, just the burning. But did you get his ties released? Yeah, so I ended up ended up just self referring to the dentist.

We went to a dental office here in the city, and so we took him in, I think he was 10 days old. And she was like, oh yeah. He has like a 95% like, like oral, like the tongue tie, like the tie goes almost to the tip of his tongue. Wow. And she was like, I'm surprised. I'm surprised you're not having I'm surprised he's gaining weight and you're not having more.

More issues kind of thing. And I was like, yeah, no, like he's gaining weight, and everything. And I think by day 10 my nipple pain subsided as well. I don't know if they just got used to it or what, but so yeah. So we ended up going forward and released the tongue tie. He also had a an upper lip tie too, so she released them both.

And then, I don't know, the feeding didn't really seem to change much. Maybe it got a little bit better, but he was gaining weight, so there was never really a big concern. I think I was pretty fortunate that I had a pretty good milk supply. Yeah. So he was getting lots of milk, but looking back, he was definitely, feeding was hard.

Like he would choke on my milk and I think I must maybe have a bit of a heavy letdown, but at the time I didn't really know, what was like, what the forceful let down, what had I didn't really know, like how, so Yeah, he was definitely choking and sometimes he would cry a little bit during the ski and but overall it was going okay.

And then, we had to do those stretches for the oral tie, because I think, yeah, your daughter had, she had that too. I don't know if you had that with your son or not, but Yeah. Yeah. Both of them, we had to do that. Both of them. Yeah. That was really hard. Our son, he really he cr he cried like I, I think some babies do okay maybe with the stretches, but he didn't, it was so hard on him.

And then that made it hard on me, but we did it. I was like, I don't wanna do this again. So let's do this right the first time. But, so yeah, we went back for a week checkup and then I don't think I wasn't pushing quite hard enough. So then the dentist kind of gently I like released it again a little bit. Oh, that's hard when you know he's already in pain and to have to go harder. Yeah. So then she's oh yeah just push a bit harder. So then they showed me the pressure with my finger and I was like, oh yeah. Like I definitely wasn't pushing that hard.

So then from there on I out, I was like, I was doing the stretches better. And then yeah, I did them for they say six weeks. So I did them for about five weeks. Every, I almost like I say four hours, that's that, maybe it four or six hours. I can't remember. Yeah. I don't really remember.

And then the last week I did them maybe just a few times a day. I did them a little bit less often. Yeah. And then. Feeding was going good, but he was still he'd fuss sometimes when he was feeding. And the odd time I would pump, but just to be, and for him to not fuss and it would just be a bit easier.

He only got a bottle like, I don't know, maybe once a week for a, like a few times it wasn't very often 'cause I really didn't enjoy pumping that much. Like the, the washing of the bottles and everything. Like I was very lucky that things were going good enough.

I didn't have to supplement seed or pump or anything like that. Yeah, I ended up seeing a lactation consult because I was still having some breast pain and so we did some stretches and she had said, yeah, like lots of babies after the release, there. They get their tongue movement, but some don't.

Sometimes it takes longer for them to get their tongue moving again, because it was like his, he had an oral tie, like the whole time he was in the womb and after, so that's all he's ever really known. So he was still a bit tight for a while. So we tried to work through some things and I think it was getting a bit better.

And then it wasn't again. And then around month, maybe five or so, I had, I got a bleb, like a bleb on my one nipple. Yeah. And that was really painful. So I was like, oh, like this is really painful. I don't know what to do. I was, do I maybe book, see like an SLP because I know there's an SLP in the city that they really specialize in, like the oral ties and all that.

I was like, oh, maybe I'll book there. So I did. And I went there 'cause it was maybe about two months that I had this blood that, the pain, I just had this burning pain every time I would he feed on that side. I saw her and then pretty much the next day the blood was gone. Oh, wow. Yeah, it sucks.

You had to go through months of that, but I know. Yeah. And then I also wanted someone just to check like the tongue again, just to make sure that, I'd done the stretches right. And we didn't have to do the release again. But she was she said, yeah that looks good. I think it reattached at a good spot.

Okay. That made me feel really good. And then and then yeah, from there that thinking was fine. I didn't have pain and I think we just finally got into a good rhythm where he would just. Be, happily feeding. But I did get a few, I did get clogged ducks a few times, so that was a bit uncomfortable, but I was just hoping that it wouldn't turn into mastitis, and I was hoping I wouldn't get mastitis, yeah. Yeah, just a few clogged ducks and I just did the cold compress and the massage and that it helped. I did end up getting mastitis just over the weekend. Oh no. Yeah, so it's crazy. It's like he's, nine months old and I, yeah. It, then I got mastitis, so I had the pain and I was like, okay, maybe this is just a clo duct.

In the morning I felt that pain, and then in the afternoon, all of a sudden, I felt feverish chills, and I was like, oh, I think I had mastitis. I feel sick. Yeah. I was like, oh, do I go to the it was a weekend. I like, oh, do I go to the walk-in today or do I wait till tomorrow if things get worse?

I don't really know how urgent it is. Yeah. So I ended up waiting until the next morning, and then, yeah, my, the pain had gotten worse and then my breast was red and I was still feeling crappy, so I was, I went to the walk-in and then, yeah, I got an antibiotics and I'm feeling much better now. At least.

Sounds good. But yeah, so got mastitis. That wasn't fun, but yeah. You wouldn't expect at nine months that you would I know. Yeah. But I guess, yeah, it can happen. I don't know, like we co-sleep, so he he's been feeding a little bit more at night, so I don't know if that's maybe what caused maybe my supply to maybe go up and maybe get a little bit of a.

Clogged or I guess the mouth just sit there in the ducks and then I got an infection. I don't know, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, oh yeah. Yeah. At least you're got the antibiotics and feeling better now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then how was postpartum, otherwise postpartum recovery? Yeah yeah. Going into it, I was a little bit scared because I think lots of what and hear, online or people they, people, like postpartum depression and anxiety is such a huge thing.

And I think lots of women really go through that. And lots of women, I think, go through feelings where, like they have, their sense of self. They, they don't feel like themselves and things just aren't, things are hard. So I was really expecting things to be that way. I was like, this could be.

Hard, like I could be feeling really emotional and I said to my husband if I'm sad for a prolonged period of time, like maybe be aware of that. But, I was feeling really good postpartum actually. I think I was really fortunate to feel good. I definitely had some postpartum anxiety.

Like I was worried about my baby, like I was worried about him, dying or getting sick. I don't know if it was debilitating. Maybe looking back a little bit, I had some thoughts of oh my gosh. Like what if, like what if, I remember a kid actually went to Mexico with my parents when he was just a couple months old and I was feeling really worried about going. But I ended up going, and the first night there, there were bugs and I remember being like, oh my gosh, what if he get, he gets bit and he gets, like a, some kind of disease from this mosquito bite or whatever. And I spa, I definitely spiraled a little bit and I was like I was like, to my mom, I was like, I'm booking a flight home I'm going home.

I can't do this. This is too stressful for me. But I ended up just calming down that night and the next day I was feeling much better. So we stayed in Mexico Yeah. And things like that. And then I remember just feeling. My dad had him. My mom and I went for a walk along the beach, and so I just left him with my dad.

And I remember feeling worried. I was like like I, I was like, can I wanted to walk a little faster. I was like, you know what? If my dad falls asleep, what if a stranger takes him? If my dad falls asleep. And then I said that to my mom and she was okay, like I think yeah, she was okay, like this is something more here're.

Yeah. You're kinda crazy talking. I was like, this is just how I'm feeling. Like I'm feeling worried. So yeah, we get there and she's your dad's not gonna fall asleep, blah, blah, blah. And yeah, we get there and of course like he's everything is going great and, but I, yeah, it was just, little like things like that just pop in your head and it's just, and did you ever talk to.

About that? No, I didn't. I just was like, I just tend to be a worrier as it is and I was just okay. And he was born in the winter too, so I was just maybe a little bit extra worried about him getting sick. And so we had asked family and stuff to not kiss him on his face or his hands for the first few months because I was worried about, him getting sick and I didn't wanna take him to the hospital.

Yeah. Like when he was a baby. And it should be common knowledge now that we don't do that. Oh yeah. You would think, you think you think, but yeah. I feel especially like when you have people that don't really work in healthcare, like they don't really, yeah, they don't wash, they don't wash their hands before they touch the baby.

They don't really think of things. But we had lots of people in our lives who were really good and, they would wash their hands and things like that. But yeah, I feel like our family, they didn't really Yeah, wash their hands, but I don't know. It is what it is, but I think next time I would maybe be a little bit more please wash your hands or you're not gonna hold the baby, yeah. But but yeah I actually went into labor with a little bit of a cold, so I, I was sick when I gave birth, and this was a cold, and he actually got a little bit congested when he was a baby, but nothing crazy, so that's good at least. But other than that, yeah, I was feeling, I think I had anxiety maybe for a bit, for a few months, but I was just worried about him, like getting sick and stuff.

But no, I didn't talk to anyone about it. I think looking back you don't really realize, I think, how anxious you were until you're outta it. Yeah, for sure. But my mood and everything was pretty good. I was happy, I was just loving the newborn bubble. He was, he wasn't a fussy baby.

He didn't cry unless maybe he was hungry. So we had a really great first few months and then, yeah. Then four months hit and then the sleep got a little bit hard for us. But I think that's just, that just goes with it, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's just babies, the sleep, but yeah, exactly.

But yeah, no, I was lucky. I'm, it's interesting 'cause I was saying that being post, like pregnant and postpartum, I feel like it's leveled out my hormones in a way. Before like with the menstrual cycle and everything, I would, I definitely had some PNS symptoms and I would get emotional and my mood would, change. But now that I've been postpartum, like I've been pretty, pretty good, like pretty stable yeah. That's good. Happy. Yeah, it's been great. So I'm definitely fortunate to, to yeah. Not have to go through any, like dark moments in, postpartum. So that's been nice.

And my husband has been so supportive too and family. We have family close by both of us, so that's been good too. Yeah. Good postpartum has been good other than, being a bit tired, but yeah. Wow. What an incredible story. Yeah. Sorry. But I'm a long. A bit of a long one. I guess the first part was a bit long, but, oh, that's okay.

No, we wanted to hear all the details and I love listening to it. So what is a piece of advice you would give to someone heading towards their birth? Yeah, I would say to surround yourself with people who really believe in your ability to give birth and to really protect your birth environment so you feel calm and safe and just to listen to your body when it tells you to move or rest, or just breathe and just to ultimately surrender to the process is what I would say.

Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And then what surprised you the most about postpartum? I think the sleep deprivation probably. I I didn't really know what it was like to be tired until I really had a baby. And the sleep, yeah the tiredness is hard. Is hard. So I think that surprised me most.

And I think also maybe the engorgement when the mouth comes in too, I wasn't really expecting it to be that painful. And yeah, I would say those two things were probably most surprising. Yeah. But other than that, yeah, everything was fairly smooth for us, awesome. Again, yeah, thank you so much.

Yeah, thanks Ali. It was great to, yeah. Get my book story out there. Thank you so much for listening to another incredible birth story. If you're interested in sharing your own story on the podcast, head down to the link in the show notes to complete the form.