Taylor H. | Hospital birth with epidural and postpartum anxiety.

On this episode of Moony Birth Stories, Ali sits down to chat with Taylor as she recounts the birth of her daughter, Vienna. Taylor had an uneventful pregnancy with an iron transfusion near the end. She had a few trips to the hospital where she was sent home at 2cm. She was then admitted, received an epidural, and laboured throughout the day. She ultimately had forceps for delivery and had a third degree tear. 

Taylor opens up about her experience during the postpartum period, including recovery from a third degree tear, postpartum anxiety, and about her feeding journey. 

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Transcript

 On today's episode, we are joined by Taylor from Saskatoon as she shares the pregnancy and birth story of her daughter Vienna. Taylor is a first time mom who had a few trips to the hospital before she was admitted. She then went on to get the epidural and then labored all day and had her daughter in the evening.

She then goes on to share her postpartum recovery with a third degree tear, her breastfeeding journey, and as well as her experience with postpartum anxiety. Enjoy. Okay, let's start by giving everyone a little brief description of you and your family and your baby. So my name is Taylor. I am born and raised from Saskatoon.

I'm a registered nurse. I have been married to my husband for eight years. We've been together for 12 years total, and I have a 19-year-old stepson and a six month old daughter named Vienna. Okay, awesome. And so let's start by telling everyone the road to getting pregnant. So I guess I should start with, I went off the pill four years ago just to kind of track my cycle, regulate things a little bit.

And we knew in that time if we got pregnant, we were totally okay with that. We were kind of ready whenever. But I wasn't closely, we weren't trying, per se, we were just kind of like, if it happens, great. Like, that's exciting, but we're not gonna stress about it yet. Yeah. And then we kind of got to a point where we're ready to try.

And I guess luckily for us, we got pregnant, like first try. We weren't stressing about it, but we were tracking ovulation kind of a little bit closer. And I wasn't expecting to get pregnant the first try just because I have a lot of friends who have had difficulty getting pregnant. We were so excited over the moon.

Wasn't,  I didn't expect that. I thought, oh, it might take a little while, but we didn't wanna put too much stress on it at first. So we kind of just, I guess I could say like lightly tracked and tried and then it just yeah, first try it worked out. Mm-hmm. Um, and what were your initial thoughts when you found out?

Uh, I was very excited. I was home alone when I took the pregnancy test. I went shopping with my parents for some trees for our yard and I was like, oh, I'm just feeling really exhausted. I'm kind of nauseous. And so I had a nap after that woke up and I'm like, oh, yeah, like. Maybe I'm pregnant. 'cause I knew I was close to ovulation and I knew that there, like when things had happened, I knew that there was a high chance that I could get pregnant.

I just wasn't expecting it. Yeah. And so, yeah, I took a test. My husband wasn't home and so I felt really nervous. I wanted to call him, but he was at work. But I also feel like that's something that I wanted to tell him in person. So I was really excited, nervous, um. Anxious, I think just because I've always wanted kids, but I was really nervous for the process of childbirth itself.

Yeah. Um, so yeah, lots of excited feelings and then just nervous for the childbirth part of it, even though that was, you know, nine months away technically. But yeah, very excited. Yeah. And then how did you tell your husband? Uh, he came home from work and he was telling me about a house that he was looking at online.

And all of a sudden I just said, Gary, I think I'm pregnant. He just wasn't expecting it like he was like. What? Yeah, you're like, there's no small talk here. I have big news. Yeah. He is like, oh, you were smiling, so I thought you were excited about what I was telling you about. I said, no, I just couldn't wait to tell you.

So, yeah, no, he was very excited. And we, um, I guess I had ordered some ovulation and pregnancy tests just from Amazon to kind of track things prior. So I'd taken a couple of those tests and I said, well, maybe we can go to the drugstore later and get like a more. Expensive test just to kind of see if it's a little more accurate or whatever.

And so we did that together and then sure enough, yeah, it was positive. So exciting. And then, so how did pregnancy go from there? It went okay. I was really sick kind of from that day that I found out I was pregnant until about 15 weeks. I was really nauseous, vomiting a lot. And then after that it got better.

I would say a second trimester was pretty great. Third trimester, you know, I got. Tired. Sore, but not bad. I would just say the first 15 weeks was rough, so, yeah. That is rough. What was your due date? Um, my due date was March 26th. Sorry. Okay. March 26th, 2025? Yes. Um, and then how were you, 'cause you said you were very nervous for childbirth.

So then how were you starting to prepare? I had watched some videos, read some books. I had talked to some friends about their pregnancies prior. Just in general, as my friends had kids throughout the years, I would ask them questions. But I did a lot of YouTube videos and reading online, which I feel like at first because I was so anxious, I was all over the place watching and reading all sorts of things, which probably didn't help my anxiety.

Yeah, it didn't feel very organized. I was kind of all over the place. Yeah. Trying to learn about breastfeeding, trying to learn about, all the things. A little bit of information overload. Yeah. And then we did take the prenatal class through the SHA as well later on in my pregnancy, which I feel like a lot of the information was review maybe just from what I had learned and seen in nursing school.

Yeah. That being said, my exposure to labor and delivery through nursing school was very brief. I think it was a six week rotation, so it was pretty small, but a lot of things were. Kind of review, and I feel like I still left with a lot of unanswered questions. Mm-hmm. However, I also feel like that maybe is pretty normal because you can't cover everything in one class and everybody's experience is so individual.

Right. That's why birth stories are so good, because you get to hear from a wide range of experiences and you can go into all the feelings. Just, it's a good way to learn, for sure. Yeah. And then who were you planning to have on your birth team? Who is your care provider? Who were you having your husband, any family or doula?

So my family doctor kept me until 24 weeks. And he doesn't deliver babies. So then he had referred me to Cornerstone Medical Clinic and I was with Dr. Van Decamp, who I work with and I have a lot of friends who have delivered with her and said amazing things. So I was with her, um, for the remainder of my pregnancy, and my husband was in the room as well.

Awesome. And is there anything else from pregnancy, any notable moments or anything else you wanna share? Not overly, I guess at 35 weeks I had an iron transfusion just because my iron levels were so low. And that did help with how I felt overall and my energy in the last few weeks. I feel like regardless of being tired, I do feel like I felt a little bit of a boost after that.

Yeah. But I feel like. There's no other really notable moments other than being really sick at the start and then maybe the iron transfusion, but the rest was pretty uneventful. Yeah, for sure. Awesome. And so let's go into those last few weeks of pregnancy. How were you feeling? What, when did Labor start?

So last few weeks of pregnancy, I, I think I worked until I was 38 weeks pregnant. I was getting tired, sore, my hips were really sore. Mm-hmm. Um, and I was getting really anxious because I thought, when is she coming? Right? Like, when am I gonna meet? Her and I knew it was a girl too. So I feel like that did help me bond with her a little bit more too, knowing that the gender, I guess.

Yeah. So I was due on the 26th. And I went in I guess at five 30 in the morning. I remember I went to the hospital 'cause I was having quite a bit of pain. Like I was having what felt like really intense period cramping. Mm-hmm. Um, and so my husband took me in and they did a cervical check and they said, oh, you're only two centimeters.

And I was like, oh my goodness. And sorry. How many weeks were you at this point? Oh, sorry. I, so I was due on the. 26th and so this was my due date. Okay. Right on your due date. Okay. Yeah, right on my due date. So I went in oh, actually, yeah, sorry. I went in on my due date in the morning at five 30. They said I was only two centimeters dilated and had offered me some pain medications.

So of course I asked all the questions, will that affect her? Is it safe, et cetera. They said it was totally safe, you know, and kind of suggested it and said, this can help you get some rest. Just because I'd been uncomfortable for quite a while throughout that day or throughout the night. Sorry. So I got morphine and gravel given to me intramuscularly, which they monitor you for a little bit after.

And then I went home and I think I got about five hours of sleep. Okay. So you found it did help a little bit to get that rest it, yeah, it did help in that first little bit. Um. And then I actually had an appointment with my doctor, like Dr. VanCamp on that day just to see where things were at. We had had that appointment booked for weeks.

She said, I'm gonna book you on your due date just in case she's not here before then. Then we can kind of see where things are at. So I went in to see her later that day, and I was still only two centimeters, and so I had a sweep done just to see if we could move things along. And later that night at about 7 45 in the evening, I was having quite a bit more pain again, I guess I should say.

Yeah. Intense cramping. Yeah. Um, the contractions were getting closer together. They felt a little bit more regular, and so I felt, oh my gosh. It felt a lot worse than what it was earlier in that morning. What were you doing to help with that pain? Walking around the house, I bounced on my yoga ball. I tried to have a bath.

I didn't really feel like it gave me a lot of relief. Mm-hmm. Um, I had taken some Tylenol. They said that that was safe as well, but I didn't really feel like it helped a ton. And I think truly it could be my anxiety because I feel like if I was able to breathe through a little bit better, then maybe that would've helped.

I don't know, I just feel like the anxiety didn't help the situation. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. So I went in on the 26th in the evening, um, around 7 45 I felt, and I packed our bags. I said, I think we're having a baby. The contractions are like, pretty regular. This is quite a bit more intense than before.

So went into the hospital again that night and they did a check. They said, yeah, you're still two centimeters. I felt so discouraged. Mm-hmm. Because that's three checks I've had now where they said You're two centimeters. And so I, was offered morphine and gravel again, and I just thought, well, it's been, you know, about 12 hours since I had the first dose.

Is it safe? Asked all those questions. I got another dose of morphine and gravel and I was home by about 10 30 that night. I don't feel like it helped at all. That second dose. I was up all night in so much pain. I couldn't sit still. I tried bouncing on the ball again. I tried having a bath. Breathing it out.

But I didn't wanna go back to the hospital because I was not wanting to get sent home again, and I felt so discouraged by only being dilated two centimeters multiple times. Yeah. So I didn't sleep at all that night. And then in the morning my husband said, well, do you want me to take you to the hospital or do you wanna stay at home?

What are you thinking? And it took me a little while to decide, just because, like I said, I felt so discouraged and I didn't wanna get sent home again. Finally, I said, you know what, let's just go get checked because this is getting worse. And I couldn't even talk, like when they say to you, oh, you can't walk or talk through the contractions.

It's, it does get to that point. And thinking back to it, the first two times I had went in and got pain medications. I wasn't at that point, but this time in the morning, I was at that point where I couldn't even talk through them. Yeah. Um, so he took me into the hospital about 6:00 AM on the. 27th and they said, oh, you're six centimeters dilated.

And I was like, whew. Okay, great. What a relief. After being sent home twice. Yeah, exactly. I was like, I wanna meet my baby and you know, I know that you can be in labor for quite some time, early labor for quite some time before you get to that point. So that was about 6:00 AM and then, um, you know, they said we're gonna keep you.

So I got changed. I got moved to a birthing room from the assessment area, probably about 7:38 AM and. Initially in my pregnancy, I thought, I'm gonna try without an epidural. But at this point I thought, no, we're gonna do the epidural. So it was probably about eight 30. I had an epidural and that did really help with the intense contractions and kind of that cramping in the stomach.

I still felt pressure in my perineum, but it did help with the contractions quite a bit. I felt instant relief. Yeah. Um, so that was really good throughout the day. Um, they could tell that she was asynclitic, so she was kind of tipped in my pelvis basically, and they wanted her to move before we could push.

So every. Five to 15 minutes. Um, they were getting me to switch positions to try and turn her naturally, I guess you could say, without having to manipulate her in any other way. Yeah. Um, so we did that. So when they say you get your epidural and then you can rest, that's not always true because I was moving all day.

Yes. I mean, the best thing to do is to continue to move even after you get an epidural. Like you can go from side to side, you can be on hands and knees and Yeah. Moving as much as you can. Yeah, and that, I feel like that did help as well with some of the pressure, and I think it kind of helps distract you a little bit too from what's going on.

I had my husband push on my hips and apply some pressure to my lower back. That helped at certain points as well too. I did have really great nurses. They were with me all day, which was really nice. And she had a nursing student with her and they were very attentive, very knowledgeable, and informative and very lovely.

So that was really comforting as well that I. Wasn't left alone, I guess that they were by my side the whole time. That was really nice to have. Yeah. And then I guess later in the afternoon, so they had kind of checked me throughout the day and I was still at six centimeters for quite some time in the afternoon.

The doctor came in, it was a different doctor from Cornerstone. Dr. VanCamp wasn't in yet. Mm-hmm. Uh, but she was scheduled to work that day. So a different physician had come in in the afternoon and check me and she said, oh, you're seven centimeters. Um, at that point she had pulled her hand out from the cervical check and my water broke, so it broke.

She said, I didn't poke your bag of waters. It just broke as I was coming out. So I guess you could say it broke naturally in a way. Yeah. Yeah. And then after that I felt really intense pressure in my perineum. And I remember at one point there was a lot of pain in my left hip, and so they thought maybe the epidural wasn't.

Working as well as it could have. Um, and they said that it could be your head pushing on my left hip, so they had pulled back the epidural. I think it was a centimeter or two to see if that would help. It did help a little bit. We moved positions to see if that would help, and I was still having that pressure on my left hip.

It was almost like, almost like an intermittent pressure and pain that was coming and going. Okay. Likely just her position. Yeah. And they said, okay, we think it's her position. Yeah. So the anesthesiology resident came in again and she said, you know, I could redo the epidural, or I could pull it back once more and see if that helps.

And then I thought I'm in quite a bit of discomfort just with the pressure, so I didn't want to have to reinsert the epidural. So I thought, okay. Let's pull it back again, see if it helps, and then I'll just kind of tough it out through there or from there, I guess. So she did pull it back again.

 So, like I had said, after I had my epidural, the nurses had me switching positions every five to 10 minutes all day. , Just to try and turn her, to get her into a better position that was more ideal for delivery as the day went on. . I had started to have more and more pressure in my perineum, especially after my water broke, of course, which makes sense., I started pushing at around five 15, so 5:15 PM So before that, probably maybe half an hour before that, I remember feeling the intensity of that pressure just building up and saying to the nurses, I feel like I have to push. I feel like I have to push. And it was like this. Intense feeling that you can't stop and your body just almost wants to do it for you.

So they called Dr. VanCamp in the room. She came in, checked everything out, said, you're fully dilated, you're ready to go. Let's do this. I was honestly really nervous about pushing just because I had heard stories of women saying that they didn't know when to push because the epidural took the feeling of contractions away for me, I was having., That pressure that came and went and it obviously intensified with a contraction. Luckily, I could feel that I didn't have any of that, you know, abdominal contraction feeling, but I had it in my vagina, so she was able to guide me through pushing with that her, along with the nursing team, they were incredible at coaching me through that.

 So I started pushing and she could see her hair. She's like, oh, she has a lot of hair.

And I kept pushing and things weren't really progressing past a certain point. So she felt her position and she said, yeah, she is asy tic. She is. Tipped to the left, which makes sense why my hip was hurting when she was kind of moving up and down in my pelvis. Yeah. And she said that her chin, I don't know the medical term, but her chin was upwards instead of tucked downwards as well.

Okay, so yeah, so she called o an ob, GYN to come in and help. So she called, uh, Dr. Granier was on at that time, and she had come in and, felt around and said the same thing as Dr. VanCamp. And she said, we will need to use forceps. They said we could try the vacuum, but it's ultimately not going to do anything.

Just the way that she's positioned. I had felt really, really nervous, I should say, that I didn't have a birth plan going into birth. I just thought I want both of us to come out alive and healthy. Yeah. But within that I thought, I don't really want forceps and I don't really wanna a c-section if I can avoid it.

I don't know why that just was in my head. They explained everything about the forceps, like risks, how it works, that they don't pull on her, they just help guide her out. And I felt like they real, the two of them really did provide me with all the information that I needed to, you know, give permission and make an informed decision.

Yeah. And so I said, yep, let's do it. Um, and at this point her heart rate was also dropping as she was compressing, they thought maybe her head was on the cord. Okay. So, um, yeah, they used the forceps and I pushed a little bit more and it was about an hour of pushing. And I remember, I feel like I almost blacked out during part of my birth, like staring at the ceiling, you know, I don't remember some of it pushing.

Yeah. And I just remember all of a sudden they said, put your hands out, you're gonna catch your baby. Aw. And I kind of snapped out of it and I was like, what? And they're like, put your hands out. You're gonna catch your baby. And so I put my hands out and they passed her to me and I saw her and yeah, it was like a type of love that I never thought I could feel before.

Yeah. What a beautiful moment. Yeah, it was really cool. Yeah, it was amazing. And so then the NICU team looked over her just because of the forceps. I believe that's their standard protocol. Looked her over and my husband went and took pictures and I ended up with a pretty big tear. I had a three b. Tear.

So it was pretty severe. Yeah. So they had stitched me up for, I think it was 45 minutes, my husband said, oh wow. Yeah. And so I had gotten some skin to skin with her a little bit, but then I had said, okay, while you guys stitch me up, can you give her to my husband so he can have skin to skin with her?

That was something that was really important to us, was that we both get that immediate. Skin to skin with her. Yeah. And yeah, she was born, so when she was here, she was born at 6:17 PM on the 27th. So just the day after her due date. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so just that tearing and then like nothing else postpartum wise immediately after, uh, no.

Just the tear. I think that was kind of the only thing that, yeah. The only issue that I had really had. Yeah. Awesome. Well, it sounds like throughout you. You really had informed consent throughout. It sounds like the doctors really explained everything that every option that they presented you with. Is that how you felt?

Yeah, I did feel that way. I felt really well supported. I felt like Dr. Vanana camp, Dr. Grey, the nurses, I feel like, you know, and at one point there were so many people in the room, I think they had the charge nurse in there as well. That's just part of their process, right? When I think things are getting a little bit more intense, I feel like everyone was so supportive.

It felt like they were on my side. They were, yeah, really good at giving me all of the information, whether it was, good. Telling me the risks, whatever. But they were very supportive. So yeah. That's awesome. And then tell me about those first few days postpartum in the hospital. Uh, so I was there for two nights.

They said that they wanted to keep me two nights just because of the severity of the tear. And I also wonder if it's because I'm a first time mom. I know a lot of my friends have been kept for two nights when they're a first time mom as well. The first night. Was a little bit rough, I feel like because I hadn't slept for quite a while before I had her.

I was really tired.  she woke up every couple hours I was expected, and I had tried breastfeeding as well, which is definitely a learning curve, I feel like on TV or in movies. Of course, it looks like it's easy. Yeah. But in real life there's definitely a learning curve to it because they're learning and so are you.

So I had a lot of help with that from the nurses, just making sure my latch was okay and making sure that she was. Eating and getting enough. And, my husband and I took turns changing her and snuggling her. And there were some points where I just couldn't fall back asleep because I had felt also so excited Yeah.

About having her here. So yeah, all that adrenaline definitely keeps you awake. Yeah. Um, and then on the second day before we went home, they had just come to check the breastfeeding, the latch, everything like that. Checked my tear. Yeah, I feel like they took really good care of us and yeah, having that first shower is amazing, like people say.

So that was really nice too. Yeah, for sure. And so then how was the recovery from the tear? Afterwards, recovery was a little bit rough. Trying to sit in a rocker recliner and breastfeed, I feel like I really had to kind of prop myself up on one hip. So that was hard because if I sat flat on my bottom, it was really sore.

Yeah. It's hard postpartum as well to try and get your baths and that you need to soak and all those things as well. So that was tough, but I do feel like within a couple weeks I had felt much better. Just the first couple days after were really rough. I guess the first night in the hospital I did wake up at one point.

I remember I just started bawling and I hugged Gary and I said, I'm just so sore and everything's so swollen. Yeah. But after, yeah, after a couple days it got better and then after a couple of weeks I feel like it progressively got better. But when they say, do the sits baths, do the icing, like the ice pads, all those things, take your Tylenol, your Naproxen.

Really do keep up on those things because I feel like it is really important in terms of healing and making sure that you're comfortable enough because you do have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of your baby, which is a lot harder to do than I had imagined, I guess. So to keep up with all the things.

Yeah, it's a lot easier said than done. Like, you know, you have to take care of this baby. But oftentimes we forget about ourselves, but it's so important. Yeah. Yeah. I like all of your tips there. The sits baths and the, yeah. Taking your Tylenol and the peroxide, that's, it's super important. Yeah. Okay. And then how have the last six months been?

Uh, the last six months. Six months have been, uh, a little bit of a rollercoaster I would say. At first, I had a lot of anxiety, which I thought was normal for a first time mom. I thought all the things that I was worried about were normal. I thought everybody must worry like this the first time they have their first baby.

But my mom and one of my good friends said, we're worried about the amount of anxiety that you're having. Yeah. So I had talked. To Dr. VanCamp about it at my appointments postpartum. And I'd also talked to my family doctor when I got sent back to him. And I had tried some counseling as well, and I remember my family doctor asked me, are you able to have your baby out of your site?

And I said, no, I really struggle with that. Mm-hmm. And that must be one of the questions that really triggers how severe your anxiety is. And I also just thought this is normal to feel this anxious. Yeah. But having people tell me we're worried about you, and the physicians asking the questions that they need to ask you.

I feel like when I was I guess not deep in the trenches, but with your hormones, your healing, your sleep deprived, you're so in love with this baby. You're trying your best to take care of them. You just think that these things are, are normal to be that anxious. It's not, and there are ways to help. And so I did start on some medication to help with my anxiety.

That has really made a difference and I feel like the last few months I feel a lot more like myself than I did for the first probably three months. Good. I've loved her from the start. I've enjoyed being a mom from the start, but I do feel like since having my anxiety under control, I'm able to enjoy it more and relax more, which has made a huge difference.

Yeah. I'm happy you had those caring people in your life to recognize the signs, and then you had that support from your family doctor too. For sure. Yeah. Okay, good. Um, and then so in hindsight, is there anything that you wish you would've prepared more for birth or postpartum? I don't think there's anything.

That I would've prepared more. Mm-hmm. I had done the frozen meals in the freezer, which are also really helpful. A lasagna, shepherd's pie, whatever that you can take out, put in the oven. Just because the first few weeks to months are a little bit chaotic, trying to figure everything out as like a, first time parent.

It had been 19 years since my husband had done it too. Right. And we're figuring it out together. I think. You prepare as you, as best you can and then you take it as it comes. And every baby is different. And remembering that is so important too. I had a lot of support. My parents were very supportive.

My mom had spent a couple nights here helping me, or she would come on a Friday night and spend the night so I could get a full night of sleep sometimes, which was really helpful. So I had a really good, you know, they say it takes a village. It's true. Yeah. Yeah, I think every baby is different and you just prepare as best you can and just ask all the questions that you have.

I think that was really important to me. I asked every question I had, and, you know, being, being able to have that informed consent is really important. For sure. And then what is a piece of advice you would give to someone heading toward their first birth? There's so many pieces of advice that you could give somebody.

Yeah. But you know, try and enjoy every moment and remember that every baby is different. Remember to ask all of your questions and just kind of take it as it comes. I think, you know, I think it's okay to have a birth plan, but. Even if you have it set in a certain way, remember that other things can happen and just make sure that you ask all of your questions and feel comfortable moving forward with what's best for you and your baby, if that makes sense.

Yeah, absolutely. And then what surprised you the most about postpartum? Ooh. Probably my level of anxiety. I would say. Okay, I'm a baseline anxious. Person I would say, but I manage Okay. Day to day with that. Yeah. And like I said, I think it got a little out of control without me realizing it. And so I think utilizing your village of people, talking to your friends your parents, if you're close with them, whoever's close to you in your life, if they hadn't said, we're worried about you, I probably wouldn't have even mentioned it to my doctor. Just because I thought this is normal. Right. And it doesn't have to be normal, and it's okay if you need some help with that.

Yeah, for sure. I definitely resonate with that, with my first, I had more anxiety than I had realized, and I'm not someone who, uh. Was an anxious, anxious person beforehand. Yeah. And it wasn't until I was kind of out of the darkest part of it that I realized, okay, I think that was a little bit worse than I had thought.

And ever since having my second, I realized, yeah, maybe, maybe those thoughts aren't as normal as I had thought before. Yeah. I feel like it's so hard because you, you're a first time mom, you don't know what's normal and what's not. Right. Yeah. And. I don't know. For me, I just thought, well, I think this is normal to worry this much about these things that aren't really a big deal.

But it feels in the moment I feel like it feels normal because is your baby like, course I'm worried, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. But I love, I love your advice, you know, reach out to your family doctor, they'll ask their questions, and then you guys can make a plan from there. And counseling is so important.

Honestly, I think for everyone. Yeah, for sure. And if you can't get to in per in-person counseling, there's a lot of counselors that offer over the phone counseling, which I did. And I found that helpful. 'cause you can be in the comfort of your home with your baby and if you need to feed them, if they're crying, it's not as stressful, you're in your own home and or if you can pick a day or husband has off so they can be with the baby or whoever.

That's helpful too. But there are phone options, which are nice too. Yeah, absolutely. And then how did breastfeeding end up going for you? Breastfeeding was complicated. Okay. I had envisioned myself breastfeeding my baby for the first year. I thought, this is what I wanna do. This is my goal. This is something that I am very set on and nothing against formula at all, it's just that's what I pictured myself doing.

And in hospital I felt like I had trouble watching, but whenever the lactation consultant would come or the nurses would come, they would say, oh, it looks great, you know? But I just felt like I was having pain. And some people say, it'll get better, don't worry, you're just getting used to it. So I thought, okay, it's going okay.

We came home the healthy. Healthy and home nurses. I think they are. Came. Yeah. And they had helped with my latch as well. They said it looks okay, just fix a couple things with the technique, the position of holding her, things like that. Little tips. , But I was having to supplement with formula just because I feel like she was still hungry.

Mm-hmm. Um. Sometimes she would fall asleep at the boob after a couple minutes. So I would take her off, I would pass her to my husband so that I could maybe get some sleep just because I was so tired. And then she would wake up crying and she was giving me hunger cues again. Oh, okay. So I felt like she was hungry all the time.

So we did supplement with formula, but it was tough because I was struggling with hunger cues, getting sleep. Am I making enough milk? Anxiety. Yes. Yeah. I didn't really know how much she was eating. And then I was sore. I was bleeding, I was like blistered. I had tried a prescription cream that they had prescribed, which did help.

But then when you're breastfeeding and things aren't going as well with the latch, those issues still persist. Yeah. So I had seen an SLP, um, and they had told me that she had a severe tongue tie. You know, and at that point they had watched me bottle feed her with a bottle and said, oh, it goes o it's going okay.

Given me a couple different tips to try, but I still wasn't comfortable with how things were going. So I had, this was the public SLP, and. I think, you know, we know that in the healthcare system there's a lot of strains on it and they're really busy and there's limited staff and things like that. And so they had said she does have a severe tongue tie.

There are exercises that you can do to help with that, but we don't have. The resources to help you with that? They didn't seem on board to get it released either, so I felt really stuck on kind of what to do. We were having issues feeding. She has this tongue tie. I noticed that she had kind of a tongue thrust.

I was a little bit worried about when she was swallowing. My anxiety was through the roof. So I had talked to a couple of my friends and they had suggested a private SLP in town here who has a little bit more training in tongue ties. Yeah. So it took four or five weeks to get into her. In that time I had gotten my period, so my supply had dropped.

It was really hard to pump because she did not wanna be put down for quite a few weeks. Like to set her down to pump was really tough. She cried. She just wanted to be with me all the time. Contact, napping, all those things. Yeah. And so yeah, my supply had tanked. We had seen the private SLP finally, and she said, yes, she does have.

A tongue tie and a lip tie. So we switched bottles. I was doing mostly formula and some pumped milk at this time. We did some therapy. I had exercises to do in her mouth three times a day. And we had went back to see the SLP and we had made major improvements. She had done her assessment again, watched her feed.

She was happy with that. You know, she said, let's try breastfeeding again and see if you're having pain. Mm-hmm. So I latched her again and there was no pain. It was. Awesome. It was the best it had felt the whole time, and I think she was probably, ooh, two or three months at this time. Yeah, it was probably the best that it felt, but my supply was so low.

We had been referred to a dentist. For her tongue tie as well. And her, the dentist that we saw and the SLP, communicate with each other about their assessments and things that they see and how things are going. You know, the dentist assessed her and said, I don't think we need to release these, because things have improved so much and the feedings going well, you're not having any issues.

So we don't need to release this. And that happens sometimes with babies. Yeah. Sometimes if things improve, you don't need to release them. So we didn't. But my supply had dropped majorly. Mm-hmm. So it, I didn't get to breastfeed her for the whole year. She's formula fed now. Just 'cause my supply was so low.

I didn't really wanna go on domperidone at that point as well. 'cause I was trying to get my anxiety under control too. So, yeah, it didn't work out the way that I had envisioned or pictured, but it is what it is. And if we have a second baby, then I know the resources that are in my corner and kind of who to reach out to for help so that maybe I can work with that a little bit sooner and not have issues with supply and all those things.

Yeah. Okay. Is there anything else you wanna share from, your entire experience? I don't think so. I think, you know, utilize your village of. Family and friends who are willing to help and enjoy the process. As stressful as maybe it can be. Yeah. Try and enjoy all the little moments because the last six months have flown by and I can't believe it.

I knew that I would love being a mom, but I love it so much more than I ever could have pictured. It's honestly a type of love I never thought was possible, so yeah. Well, thank you so much Taylor for coming on and sharing your story. Thanks for having me, Ali. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for listening to another incredible birth story.

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