Kayla M. | Unmedicated hospital birth at 36 weeks with doula care.

In this episode of Moony Birth Stories we are joined by Kayla, a mother of three and a birth and postpartum doula in Saskatoon, as she shares the pregnancy and birth story of her first son. She shares about her unexpected pregnancy as a single mother and then at 36 weeks she goes on to have an unmedicated birth in hospital with the support of her doula.

We also dive into the often overlooked postpartum journey, including her experience with postpartum anxiety, the challenges of early motherhood, and the importance of building a supportive village.

Whether you're expecting your first baby, considering an unmedicated birth, or looking for honest conversations about the highs and lows of postpartum life, this episode offers encouragement, insight, and a reminder that every birth story is unique.

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Transcript

Hi everyone, and welcome back to Moony Birth Stories. On today's episode, we have Kayla Matter from Saskatoon on to share her pregnancy and birth story of her first son. Kayla is a wonderful birth and postpartum doula here in the city. She takes us back to 13 years ago when she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant, and then goes through her journey as a single mother. She shares about her very fast labor, how she had a doula for that birth, and then she goes on to share more about her postpartum mental health Can you start by telling everyone about yourself? Oh. My name is Kayla Madder. I am a mom of three. And I work as a doula and small business owner in Saskatoon. And I also spend some time advocating for postpartum mental health and all sorts of good things like that. Okay. And so can you tell us about the pregnancy and birth story that you're gonna be sharing? Like, where... Tell, take us back to the beginning of that story. The beginning. So I actually found out, so my oldest son is now almost 13, so this was in 2013. I actually found out I was unexpectedly pregnant over the Christmas holidays, so it would've been, 2012, 2013, that kind of flip over of the years. And I was in the process of finishing up my second university degree, and I had just agreed to do my master's in the lab that I had been working in. So right in the thick of my education life or stage of life. And so it was very unexpected, and came as a curve ball out of nowhere. I had been traveling with a really good girlfriend of mine to visit her family over the holidays, and realized during that trip that, oh, I should have probably had my period. And it never came. And so part of me was like, "Yeah travel can do that, so maybe it's nothing." And then I went and I bought a pregnancy test when I got back to Saskatoon. And I, I remember vividly putting on like a fake costume jewelry engagement ring when I went to go buy my pregnancy test- just as a, 'cause people care about that or whatever. Yeah. In my head I thought it was a necessity. And went and bought this test, and took it, and it was positive, and that was New Year's Eve. And I remember from that moment, it just being shock mode. So I didn't really react to the surprise of all of that. It, I just went into autopilot of, pretending like everything was great, and that it was gonna be awesome, and, I have a job, and I have an education, and I can provide for this baby. It's gonna be fine. And I guess I should go back and say, too, that I had been, like, I had been on the hormonal birth control bil- pill, and it just hadn't worked properly, is- How that came to be. So they're not perfect and- Yeah ... yeah. And so I just carried on with life and slowly started telling friends and family and that sort of thing. I remember when I first took the test, I was still traveling over the holidays to see friends and family, and I remember Googling not telling anyone yet, but Googling who I could go to see for prenatal care because I knew that my family doctor wasn't one who delivered babies. So I Googled, prenatal care and just made an appointment with the first female name I saw on the list. That prenatal care ended up being really terrible. Aw. So it was not going well, but I also didn't know any better, right? I didn't know what to expect from those appointments or how I should be treated or what types of things I should be getting for information. Yeah. And yeah. So I just a went along with it. And eventually, as I started telling people about the pregnancy, one of my girlfriends insisted, she was very adamant that I get a doula. And I had never heard this word before. Like I said, this was 12, 13 years ago. Yeah. And never heard that word before, but her sister had just used a doula, and she just said it was the best thing ever. You really need it, especially if you're gonna be doing this as a single mom. You'll need the support and the education and all of that. So I met with the doula that she suggested and I just l- loved her immediately. Just fell in love with her. She's just like a warm hug, yeah. She just gives that feeling when you're around her. So- yeah, I met with her probably 10 times prenatally. Yeah. Really overdid it. But I have, I ask a lot of questions, and I wanted to know all of the information, and I think I just kept asking her "No, but what does a contraction really feel like?" What is the pain going to be like? Yeah. It's nice to have that support to lean on throughout your pregnancy. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. So it was nice to be able to, ask her a million things, and ask her the questions that feel like silly questions, and have her kind of reassure me that it's going to be okay. Yeah. Even though I have the kind of brain that thinks of all of the worst-case scenarios, right? And tries to plan for them. She was great. What else? I, w- the pregnancy was pretty healthy. I had hypothyroidism, which is more common than you'd think in pregnancy. So I was on the thyroid medication every day. But that was really the only thing I remember. Were you- Sorry. Were you feeling well throughout it? I think so. I didn't have, I no real symptoms of the hypothyroidism, I wouldn't say. It was just from the blood test that it came up- Yeah ... as being there. But I felt relatively well. I had really manageable nausea the odd time I'd have to chew on some soup crackers or whatever through the day. But it wasn't, I wasn't vomiting all the time or anything. I was lucky that way. I remember just having really sore hips at the end, at nighttime rolling over in bed, and just that excruciating pain from one side to the other having to roll over. Yeah. But yeah, I don't remember it being overly challenging health-wise, for sure. I was... It was first pregnancy, I was relatively young, so I think I was 24 when I got pregnant, and I turned 25 during the pregnancy, so my body, I think was okay and, yeah. Relatively in good shape going into it. So I think that probably helped a little bit. Okay. And then aside from having your doula, was there anything else you were doing to prepare for birth? Yeah, I took the SHA course, the, sorry, the Health Region prenatal class, and at the time it involved a, some sitting in sessions and a tour of the hospital. So they would bring you into this I don't know, lecture hall at the hospital. Yeah. And I think the doctor who invented our walking epidural gave a presentation on the epidural. And I remember vividly them passing around the tubing for the epidural, which I'm sure at that time was even was thicker than what they use now. Because I remember them passing it around and me holding it in my hands and almost passing out. Oh, wow. For whatever reason, I just had this guttural reaction- Yeah that it was terrifying. I was just like, "Oh my gosh, what is this?" And I just went white, and really, I needed help walking back to the car afterward. Oh, wow. Which sounds ridiculous, but I also have a bit of, like, when I get my blood taken I pass out. Okay. And so I think maybe that's part of it is just I had something go through my head of how this is so scary somehow, which is so funny because as as a doula, I see people get epidurals all the time. That doesn't bother me. When I worked in the lab, I used to take blood from animals myself. It, that doesn't bother me if it's happening to somebody else, yeah. But the thought of it happening to me must just send my body into shock mode or something. Yeah. So after that, were you feeling like you did not want an epidural? Yeah, I think from the beginning I was like, "Yeah, I'd like to try to not do the medication," but I wasn't super sold on it, and then yeah, after that experience it was I guess that's probably not gonna be the best option for me if I can't even think about the tubing that's used for it, so yeah, and I remember my doula being like let's keep our, thoughts open to whatever might happen, and we'll talk about it anyways." And then I was adamant "No, this isn't happening. I'm not gonna use it. My labor's gonna be really fast." I remember she told me afterwards "Remember when you said this?" And I thought you were just being really optimistic and- Yeah ... but it's funny sometimes how you have these ideas of how your labor is gonna go, right? Yep, and it usually a lot of times does not go that way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah ... so you had, did you have, you had an OB throughout your pregnancy, and then you- Oh, that was the other thing I was gonna mention about my doula. So when I started working with her, I was talking to her about the prenatal care I had been getting, and she was like, "Oh, no. That's not okay. That doesn't seem like good care." And so she was the one that got me into who our family doctor is now. Working with a family doc that does deliveries, and their whole group actually does deliveries. So he's never been at one of my births, Okay, yeah ... but it was whoever was on call for their group. And I'm so thankful that we ended up in that clinic, because they're wonderful, and they're very happy to go, as long as all is well, happy to go with whatever you want for your birth, and really hearing you out on options, and talking about, risks, benefits, all of that stuff and working with you on what as the best case scenario. So- Yeah ... really feel fortunate that we ended up with the care that we got there- Yeah ... and still have. So were you just not feeling heard from your, the previous doctor? There were, like, y- yeah, it was one of those situations where it was like a five-minute appointment. You sat in the waiting room. You got your finger pricked for blood testing every single time. You had to do your urine sample every single time, which felt like... And your weight taken, and all this stuff that just was I felt unnecessary. Yeah. And then the five-minute visit with this, the one doctor, was often them trying to pressure me to make different decisions about this pregnancy. And it was a female, but then on, on the second visit I had, she had brought in her husband, who's also a doctor. And they both were trying to pressure me- Oh, okay ... to essentially terminate the pregnancy. So- Oh ... that wasn't very supportive- Yeah, not at all ... in medical care. Yeah, and obviously it's everyone's choice to their own, and I had already made mine, so it was very challenging to think about continuing care under them when they had certain strong beliefs on what I should be doing, yeah. Yeah. I'm happy that you switched providers and got the care that you need, needed throughout your pregnancy. Me too. Yeah. Me too. Okay. And then take us through the end of pregnancy. Yeah, so things were going quite well. I was still working. Actually my son's due date, estimated due date, was September 4th. So I planned on working until, I think, September 1st. Just silly. Silly of me to think that I'm like, "Oh, yeah, I'm all the way going to the end." Yeah. And so at that time, actually my grandma had was dealing with colorectal cancer, and so I was driving back and forth to Manitoba every other weekend through that spring and summer. And and she ended up passing away August 6th, and then I had my baby shower August 10th. And that's when I went into labor. Oh, wow. So yeah. I think, I don't know if it was the stress of that whole time of life or what it was exactly, but he was born 36 and three, so quite early. And I was very much not expecting to be in labor in August at any point. So anyways, I was at my baby shower. I showed up to my friend's house who was hosting it, and and she... it was before everyone showed up, I started feeling twinges, just weird kind of discomfort, but it, I wouldn't call it even cramping. It was just the odd little twinge that didn't feel super comfortable, but- Yeah nothing serious. And then people started showing up to the party, and that was fine, and it was a really good distraction actually, because when things started picking up a bit and having, I was having some cramping, it felt more like I just had a stomachache, right? I had to go to the bathroom, was mostly what I was feeling. And so I was really embarrassed. Kept sneaking away to the bathroom being like, "Oh, I just have some stomach problems today. This is, what a horrible day to have this happen," kind of thing. Yeah. During this baby shower party and people are gonna notice that I keep going to the bathroom or whatever. Yeah, when you're the main- ... person that they're there for. Yeah. Yeah. And so my friend who was hosting eventually said, I feel like your discomfort or your trips to the bathroom are fairly regular." And then she started, she's "I think that maybe you're having contractions." I'm no. It can't be." But I do remember opening gifts and just squirming in the chair being so uncomfortable but trying to pretend like nothing was happening, because I was still convinced that it wasn't contractions. Yeah. But yeah, she started timing them, and she admitted afterwards, she was like, "I had no idea what I was doing, but I just didn't want you to be, like, having a baby in my living room, basically." But yeah, so she alerted me to the fact that they were, like, five minutes apart. Probably around 4:30 PM, and that was when people were clearing out. I just hung around there. She was... They were suggesting that I go to the hospital, and I was like no. It's good. I'm fine. I'm managing." And then they convinced me to go around 5:00 o'clock, and I think my contractions were around five, four minutes apart probably around then. Yeah. So 5:00 PM, went to the hospital. And I remember calling my doula from the hospital, because she wasn't on call yet, right? So doulas typically aren't on call at 36 weeks. And so she was in Regina visiting family and kind of camping with her family, and I let her know, and I think she thought maybe this is prodromal or maybe, maybe it's a false alarm kind of thing. And so she's "Okay. Once you get to the hospital and they do a check, let me know." And so yeah, I got to the hospital. They did a check, and I was already five centimeters, so gave her a call, and she's "Okay," and then she pedaled to the metaled it from Regina. Yeah. So a two-and-a-half-hour drive she got on her way And this was at the old hospital, so not JPCH, but the old RUH labor and delivery. So they got me out of assessment, which at that time was shared, right? Yep. We had a room with four people per room with curtains in between all of us laboring moms. Yeah. So there are other people there? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you can just hear each other kind of going through it. And so I was thankful to get a room, and at that time too, it was a choice... a choice. Based on availability. You either got, I guess the laboring rooms were all individual, but your postpartum rooms were either like four people to a room, or you got an individual room, or you could pay extra or something for the Victoria- Victorian room, like the big fancy one. Yeah. Anyways, so I was lucky. I got my laboring labor room, and then I got an individual room for postpartum. So I'm thankful for that. But I got into my labor room and instinctually just was doing stuff. ... I remember holding onto the sink in the bathroom and getting into a squatting position just because that felt better, and swaying back and forth. I remember leaning a lot. I remember moving around the room, and then getting in the shower, and I think I spent probably a good 30 minutes in the shower. But during this time, I remember the nurse I had was pretty old school, and she kept saying, settle down, ba- be quiet and settle down 'cause you're gonna be in this for a while kind of thing. Oh, yeah. "You're in for a long haul, and get the epidural. You need the epidural because this is your first baby. It's gonna take forever." And I just... I don't know. If you know me at all, you know I'm too stubborn to listen to people in those situations. Yeah, for sure. If anything, it's motivation to just ignore and not do the thing that's being suggested, prove them wrong. Yeah. Exactly. So yeah, I got in the shower to, I don't know, calm down, ... I don't know, as I was being suggested to do, and that was actually really nice. So using the hot water, like the shower head on my belly or on my back or whatever, that helped a lot. So I spent, I think, 30 to 40 minutes in there. And then eventually something just clicked in my brain that I needed to get back to the bed, and I just power walked, I think back to the bed. And as soon as I got there, my body started just pushing. Oh. So yeah, I think I alarmed for the nurse, and luckily a new nurse came in, and she was nice and a different perspective anyways. And she listened to me and saw that things had escalated quite a bit, and she checked, and I was nine and a half centimeters with just a cervical lip on the left side. And so I think they got me laying on the left or something. I can't remember exactly what all happened there, but my body just kept pushing, right? So they were saying, "Don't push," and my body just kept pushing. One of the other nurses at one point was like, "Cross your legs so you don't push." And I remember that just being, like, such a hysterical thing to say, 'cause I'm just like, "What?" I don't think, I don't think that's gonna stop it. Yeah. I think they were just trying to buy time so that, people could get prepared for things, because it was really moving quickly, but- Yeah. You- Had your doula arrived at this point? And no. Okay. So needless to say, yeah, crossing my legs didn't keep the baby in. But my body kept pushing, and then I think on the next push that it did, my water broke, and it broke with a super loud pop. Okay. Which sounds really dramatic, but it went everywhere. The fluid went just literally everywhere. And it was loud, and it scared me. That situation just scared me. I did not expect that to be how your water could break, and I thought "Oh, did I break my pelvis?" Like just- all of the worst-case scenarios were running through my head at that time. And so yeah, that actually, that moment influenced my choices in my other births so that I didn't have to relive that scenario again. It was pretty, pretty scary in the moment, but the nurses reassured me that everything was fine, and that can happen, and it's just, your water breaking. It's all right. Yeah. A very dramatic water breaking. Very dramatic. Yeah. Came in with a bang. Yeah. Yeah, and then once the doctor who was on call at the time was ready and everything was all set up, they checked again, and I was 10 centimeters, and so they said I could go ahead and push. And I think it was just three contractions of push, excuse me, of pushing, and then he was out. And he was just this teeny, tiny little guy- ... at 36 weeks, and six pounds even, which apparently... I was told that at that time in the hospital if he had been under six pounds, they would have taken him immediately to NICU- Okay ... just because of his gestation and his size. Luckily he had just made it over this weight requirement. And yeah, he, I, as far as I can remember, he was skin-to-skin with me fairly quickly. I can't remember if they took him to the warmer right away just to make sure or if I got skin-to-skin and then they checked on him. But I don't remember him being away from me for too long anyways either way. And then 10 minutes after he was born, my doula was there. Okay. So- Just missed it. Aw. Yeah. I feel bad that she missed it, but honestly, she gave me so much prep, Yeah ... ahead of time, and she was there for helping with latching, like the first latch, and breastfeeding, and all that. So I think all in all it was, like, worth it, and I was thankful to have that support for sure. Yeah, but I was lucky that we were both healthy. We were both doing good postpartum, and- Yeah. And then immediately postpartum, did you have any tearing or anything with- No ... your placenta? No issues with that? Yeah, I think they said there was, like, a very minor first degree tear, and they gave me the option with Amari whether... She was like, "It would take one or two stitches if you wanted me to." And I was like, "Nope." "Let's just avoid that step if possible." So it was fine. They just monitored bleeding or whatever and it healed on its own. So again, very lucky in that way, for sure. Yeah. And then how long did you stay in the hospital for? Just the 24 hours. So he was born at 8:09, so technically a precipitous birth is technically three- within three hours of active labor starting. Yeah, it was very quick. And then we got out the next day at 10, and I remember going to the Shoppers on the way home to buy pads for me and diapers for him, because I was just not prepared- Yeah at that time. I don't know if I mentioned this, but when we left when I went to go to the hospital, I had two of my girlfriends go to my house because I had made a list for my hospital bag, but I hadn't packed it yet. Okay. And so my girlfriends ran around my house and would call me periodically and be like, "Where would I find this?" Just packing my bag for me. So yeah, we were very unprepared. But yeah, it came together. His first night home, I put him in a laundry basket because I wanted him beside me, but I didn't trust myself to fully co-sleep yet. Yeah. Yeah. And then how how were you planning to feed him? So I was breastfeeding. But again, this was a while ago, and so it wasn't super common knowledge, the whole tongue-tie, lip-tie thing. Yeah. I think certain maybe doctors and nurses were, like, specialized in that and could do a good job of, assessing and telling you what you needed to do and all of that. But it turns out to this day, he has a pretty severe lip tie, and so that makes a lot of sense now looking back at our breastfeeding journey. It was never assessed if it... It was never diagnosed at that time that he had the lip tie. But I definitely had quite a bit of challenges feeding him. It was okay for the first little bit, but around that growth spurt in four months- Yeah ... really hit where I couldn't... he couldn't get enough milk. He wasn't growing as well. And so we started putting supplementing formula into the mix. I had been pumping as well, and so I had a bit of a stash in the freezer. But once that was through because I did go back to work a little bit early as well. So it was a bit of everything. There was a lot of confounding factors to breastfeeding for me. I also have Raynaud's disease, so it's like a circulation condition where blood flow doesn't necessarily come back to a part of your body super quickly. And so with breastfeeding, what can happen is your nipple can have a lack of blood flow after, it's after a feed. Oh, okay. So that can be quite painful- Yeah ... as things come back. So I had that, but I didn't know that I had that, or I didn't know that it, the Raynaud's could affect breastfeeding, essentially. I knew that I had it, but- ... I didn't know the link there. But I remember breastfeeding just being very painful for a long time, and I just thought that's how it was supposed to be, but it turns out it wasn't. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I had, because he was born so early, I actually had to do my master's proposal when he was nine days old. Oh my gosh. So there was, like, that separation when I gave that one. I didn't have to, but I had already prepared for it, so I just got it out of the way before I went on leave. And so there's a bit of separation there. And then I actually went back to work full-time at eight months and a little bit here and there around three and four months. And so that was a challenge as well with breastfeeding. There wasn't really a space on campus to pump- ... that was dedicated to that. And yeah, it was a bit of a challenge because I wasn't pumping as much as I should have, and so my milk supply wasn't as great. And just being away from him for long periods of time also doesn't help your milk supply, right? So- Yeah ... just a lot of things. And so around four months was when I started supplementing with formula. And yeah, I remember at that time loading the flats of formula because they really got me on the marketing of formula. They send you free samples, right? And but the samples are often the most expensive option from that brand. So- Yeah ... I remember this very expensive option was what my son really liked and really the only one he would take, and so I ended up on the hook for this- Oh, man ... super expensive one. So yeah, I remember loading the flats onto the grocery belt at the store and just the sha- feeling the shame and feeling the judgment from other customers, right? Of "Oh, another mom formula feeding," right? Which is really interesting, because I remember having the conversation with my mom about breastfeeding, and her saying that at the time that I was born, it was almost like you were silly if you were breastfeeding, because formula was this magical option, right? Yeah. So funny how the pendulum swings- Yes ... and there's judgment either way, right? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So anyways, I think thank goodness for formula for that journey of mine, because otherwise my little guy, he was born at six pounds. He really didn't start gaining properly until I started supplementing with formula. So I think, had I just held off and been like, "Nope, breastfeeding only," then we would have had some real challenges, right? So- Yeah ... it's definitely a necessity for some people, and a choice for others, and that's great, too. Everyone should have their own choice. Absolutely. I totally agree. Yeah. Yeah. And then, so how was postpartum recovery? 'Cause it sounds like you were very busy afterwards. Yeah, it was good. I was lucky to have some friends that were really hands-on with me, and call anytime. I had a couple girlfriends who were nurses, and so they were used to being up in the middle of the night. And I remember calling one of them at 2:30 in the morning one night and just being like, "I can't handle the crying anymore. Can you come so I can have a shower?" And- ... so she came over and just held my son, and I showered, and life was good after that. It doesn't take much, but it was really great to be able to call on people to help. And obviously, my family was really supportive as well. But just having peers, like girlfriends, that could come and help, was, like, really nice. So that, yeah, it just felt like a little bit more of a community. But I was definitely also the first of my friend group to have a baby, so we were all a little bit new. Yeah, all learning together. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I think one of the things that surprised me about postpartum is that it feels like you're very surrounded by community in the early days. And then once baby gets a little bit older and you've been in that space for a little bit longer, not that the fall, the, not that the help falls away at all. It's still there, but you have to remember to ask for it, I think, a little bit more. And I wasn't expecting that necessarily. It felt like it would last forever and yeah. And so I had to start getting into mommy groups, and I had to start making more of a point of making a schedule or making sure that I had support in order to do the things that I needed to do. Yeah. I think it was good all around. My postpartum recovery physically was fine. There was no concerns at all there. Emotionally, I think I wasn't mentally prepared for what parenthood would look like- Yeah ... in reality because I, and I think everyone with their first baby has that to some extent. But I had never grown up around people raising babies or whatever. I didn't know what that looked like, and I assumed that my life would continue on the same way that it had been. And maybe I didn't sleep quite as much for a couple months, but that would be fine. And really, the reality of just have- being on 100% of the time was surprising to me. So- Yeah ... I think emotionally mental health-wise, I was fine for the first little bit, but it was definitely a challenge for me emotionally to wrap my head around what that looked like- Yeah ... for the day-to-day. Just shifting into that role just completely changes- Yeah ... a person. Yeah. Yeah. I- that was one thing I wasn't expecting either with my first, was just- ... how demanding it was. Like, moms all around and they make it, oh, there's moms everywhere. They just, you just do it. Yeah. And, but you don't expect it to change you as much as it does. Exactly. Yeah. You're never alone again, or you're never- Yeah Sleeping in again. Yeah. Those things are very big changes. Yeah. Is there anything else that you want to share about your postpartum experience? I don't know. I share about it sometimes when we talk about mental health postpartum, but I had a very delayed onset of postpartum anxiety. My son was two, I think two, 18 months to two years old when it really hit me, and I had to make some changes in life and really focus on mental health and counseling and all of those sorts of things around that time. Yeah. But I think- So what did you start to experience then? Sorry? What did you start to experience? Just the usual anxiety, the stress, the heart in your throat and racing heart rate and all- Okay ... like, all the sorts of things that come with anxiety. I wouldn't say it was, like, OCD level as far as, having to do things a certain way, but it was definitely anxiety about lots of different things and stress about how things might go. But I remember it got to a point, because I was back at work at this point, obviously, and writing my master's thesis, and I just remember the brain fog being the biggest thing, that I literally could not finish a sentence. I couldn't write a full sentence down and have it make sense. Yeah. And so that was my breaking point, where I was like, "Oh that's not gonna work long-term, we can't keep this up much longer." And so seeking out the help, taking some time away from my studies and my work and, calling in support with friends and family and all of that stuff. So I was very lucky to be surrounded by support again. And be able to get through that fairly quickly. Obviously, it never leaves you once you deal with anxiety or what have you. But managed much, much better now. And my doctor was very supportive of whatever we wanted to try, and got me resources for counseling quickly so that I didn't, while waiting for a face-to-face, there were other options too. Yeah. So all in all, I was very lucky and got through it. Somewhat quickly back to work, all of that within, I think it was six weeks or so. Okay. But yeah, it's something that I think people don't expect that delayed, right? But technically it was still postpartum anxiety. It just was very delayed. And I think part of it is that when you're in situations that are maybe a bit more challenging, whether that be, like, single parenthood or, other life stressors that come up- Yeah ... and you're also parenting or also having these big responsibilities, you just keep putting one foot in front of the other for a period of time. And just dealing with it and not... But also not dealing with it. Yeah. You're shoving it down, you're shoving it down- Yeah ... because you don't have time. Yeah. You're raising a tiny little human. You don't have time to deal with that trauma or stress or whatever it may be. And so as soon as you get that moment of a breath of, of that pressure being released a little bit, sometimes that's when all of the things hit you, and that's when the mental health concerns can come up, right? So I think that's what happened with me, where I was just getting through- ... and parenting and trying to single parent this tiny human, and then when things got a little bit easier for me, it was like when everything flooded in, right? Okay. So- Yeah ... I think that's why it was more delayed for me but yeah. I think all in all, my experience was quite good, and it's not uncommon to have postpartum mental health or prenatal mental health concerns, yeah. For sure. Thank you for sharing that. No problem. But wow, yeah. That sounds like a very, yeah, fast birth, and then a pretty good postpartum experience until the- Yeah mental health, yeah. No, for sure. I think I'm grateful for what, yeah, I was able to do and get through. And my kiddo is awesome and thir- almost 13 now, and he's huge. He's gonna be taller than me next year, I think, yeah. Yeah. It's funny, I remember starting the formula, and my girlfriend, who is a kindergarten teacher, she was like, "Yeah, when they come to kindergarten, you can't tell which kid, was born early or had formula or whatever. They're all just there." Yeah. I know. It's hard to imagine he was so little. He was six pounds, and now he's gonna be taller than you. Yeah. Yeah. It all works out. It all... Yeah. They grow up and they... Yeah, it all works out, for sure. The- I think decisions that feel really big when they're little are, like, you should make the decision that feels right at the time but not beat yourself up over it as they get bigger, 'cause really, in the grand scheme of things, it's probably not gonna matter that much. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And so what is a piece of advice you would give to someone heading toward their labor? I think getting the information that you need or feel that you need, and surrounding yourself with a support system that is going to be helpful. Getting that doctor in place that's actually gonna support your choices, getting a doula if you feel like that's gonna be helpful, which I'm sure for most people it would be. And calling in friends and family that you find would be helpful. Not being afraid to ask for help. And then, yeah, getting the information, asking the questions, just taking up space, I guess- Yeah ... in the birth, prenatal space. You're, you only, some people will only get to go through this once. And so if you want it to be an experience that you felt a part of and you felt educated through then you have to ask the questions and you have to make the point of, doing your due diligence for different choices and going through those things with your doctor or your care providers to make sure that you feel good about your choices, right? So- Yeah ... I think as women often, or birthing people often, we feel like we're being difficult or being annoying or whatever within that hospital setting or the medical setting, and I wish that people understood that they're the most important thing. Like them and their baby are the most important parts of this equi- equation, and so they should be allowed to ask and take time and, you know- Yes demand that care. They should be the loudest voice in the room- ... because it's about them. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Absolutely. Yeah. And then what surprised you the most about postpartum? Yeah, I think we talked about it a little bit there with just, like, how all-consuming it is. Where just everything changes overnight. I had convinced myself that nothing had to change, and I remember telling myself that over and over. People have babies all the time. I can just bring him places. I can just do all the things I used to do, just the same. And you're laughing. Yeah. That was very sweet of 24-year-old Kayla to think. Yeah. So naive. Yeah. But yeah, that's just not... eventually you can do all the things. But yeah, I think I wish, if there was one thing I could do differently about my postpartum, I wish I would've just sunk into it a little bit more. I wish I would've surrendered to that stage a little bit more, because I did with my other two. And I wish, and maybe in some way that wasn't possible as a single mom and trying to do all the things that I was doing at that time to establish myself. But- Yeah ... yeah, I just wish I had taken a little bit more time and been okay to sit at home and just enjoy that stage. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. That is really good advice. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming on to share your birth story. Thank you so much for continuing this platform, and I think it's really important for people to hear other voices and stories and ones that they can relate to because especially me w- being a single mom with my first, I really didn't hear that story often. And as I mentioned through little bits of this, there was a lot of shame for me- Yeah ... and I don't wish that on anybody else. Like buying the pregnancy test or what have you. Yeah. I don't... I hope that people can see other stories and recognize that there's a lot of beauty in those births too. Absolutely. Yeah. And then we'll have to have you on to share your other two as well. Oh, yeah. Also quick ones, but yes. Okay. I know. I'm so excited to hear just, like, how this birth experience influenced your other ones. Totally. Yeah, it really did. And yeah, and they're all different. This one was very unexpected, and finding my feet in the birth space. And then my second was another hospital birth. But I felt, like I was more prepared. And then my third is a home water birth with the midwives. So it's, they're all very different. They all informed each other as we went along. But yeah. Yeah. Awesome.