Dark Matters with Dr. Shemena
A mental health podcast that explores the emotional, relational, and cultural realities that shape who we are. Through conversations about race, anxiety, depression, relationships, family dynamics, work, identity, and personal growth, this podcast invites honest reflection, deeper consciousness, and a more thoughtful way of understanding ourselves and each other.
Dark Matters with Dr. Shemena
Thoughts on Expectations in Relationships: Expecting A Lobster in a Hamburger World with Dr. Shemena
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Imagine you walked into McDonald's and asked for a lobster, only to be disappointed when they served you a hamburger. Sounds absurd, right? But what if I told you that's exactly how some of us approach our relationships? Listen in as Dr. Shemena shares an illuminating perspective on expectations in relationships.
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Thank you for listening!
Hi , this is Dr Shimina Johnson , and today I just want to share some thoughts that I have on relationships , and , as you know , i work with individuals and I work with couples , but I find this kind of concept pretty applicable , you know , when it comes to dealing with relationships , and so I'll tell you a little bit of a story . You know about my thought process in this regard , and so last year , or maybe it was two years ago , i was in Peru and I went with a group of friends , but that's , i'm gonna put that to the side . But while I was there in Peru , i noticed there was a KFC at McDonald's . You know , things that remind me of home . But all throughout my time of travel and I love to travel where I go , state to state , country to country I seem to be able to always find a KFC or a McDonald's everywhere . Everywhere I go , there's there's . It's in every state , in every country , and I can always order my favorites extra crispy chicken wings or a hamburger and fries something very basic , very simple . And I think that's what makes McDonald's and KFC great is that it's always the same and I know exactly what to expect . It never disappoints , ever . But imagine if I went to McDonald's asking for lobster , i would be very disappointed .
Speaker 1But when you think about it and I hope you're just following me , follow , follow me with me on this thought this is how some people approach relationships asking for something that is not available , knowing that certain people in your life are equivalent to a burger and fries . But you approach them hoping for lobster . But when you get the burger , you get disappointed , confused , angry and discouraged . But there were so many clues on the wall in these relationships that lead you to knowing there is no lobster available . It's practically a sign saying no lobster here . And yet you go inside yourself , you trick yourself into believing that if I ask the right way , maybe I'll get what I want .
Speaker 1But this creates a really vicious cycle of the more you ask for approval and you don't receive it , the worse you feel . So the way to escape this kind of pattern with relationships of asking for lobster when you know that only that's available for you is like a hamburger and fries , is that you have to learn to accept the difficult truth of who this person is , their abilities and their limitations . I mean , maybe , when you think about it , maybe your partner is not emotionally available and has limitations that go beyond your ability to fix . Seeing your relationships exactly the way they are , not as you hope for them to be or imagine for them to be , it frees you to make better choices for your emotional health . So , therefore , you won't continue to go to McDonald's and ask for lobster when all they have is a hamburger and fries . So that's my thoughts . Take care , be well .