Embracing the Chaos with Purpose and Compassion: Time Management for the Modern Special Needs Mother with Megan Sumrell

Are the endless tasks of motherhood, career & relationships leaving you buried under a pile of planners and post-it notes? Megan Sumrell, a life planning expert, CEO & founder of Pink Bee, joins me to talk about productivity and how we need to plan differently in order to live balanced and fulfilled lives. She brings a wealth of expertise and knowledge to this conversation from her years teaching others how to optimize their businesses and personal lives. Megan's insights resonate deeply, as a special needs mom herself, offering strategies to navigate the overwhelming demands of our lives without the guilt.

This conversation with Megan is an honest reflection on the complexities of modern life, where the digital world begs for our attention. Where crossing things off our list often leaves us feeling anxious and like we are never getting it all done. Here, you'll find practical tools that promise more presence and less pressure, so you can savor the moments that matter most and even find fun for yourself. Megan ends with a poignant reminder that you are more than 'just a mom'—you're a woman of multifaceted identity, deserving of self-care, recognition & support. 

Mentioned in this episode:

Redeeming Heartache
Book by Dr. Dan Allender and Cathy Loerzel

Asking for Help:
Episode 122: A Little Discomfort for a Whole Lot of Help (Asking for Support)

Connect with our Guest, Megan Sumrell:
Website:  www.megansumrell.com
Podcast: www.megansumrell.com/podcast
Facebook: www.facebook.com/megansumrell
Instagram: www.instagram.com/megansumrell/
Linked In: www.linkedin.com/in/msumrell/
Youtube:  www.youtube.com/c/WorkLifeHarmonyPodcast

Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

Coaching Opportunities
Pathway to Peace {Group Coaching Program}: Schedule a Consult or Contact Me

Join The Special Needs Mom Podcast Community FaceBook Group!! Click here to Request to Join

Transcript

Kara: 1:54

Hi, I'm Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible, and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flair of possibility in your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome, hello and welcome to the Special Needs Mom Podcast. I'm excited today to bring you a guest. Her name is Megan Sumrell, and what's interesting about Megan is that I invited her on the show entirely for her expertise in the time management, but I think, even better said life planning expertise, than being a special needs mom. But interestingly enough, she happens to have a daughter that has sensory integration disorder and anxiety. So look at that, worlds colliding.

Kara: 3:40

Let me tell you a little bit more about Megan. She is a former corporate executive, turned entrepreneur, and the CEO and founder of Pink Bee. She's a mom, wife, and she knows exactly how hard it is to juggle all the things while still maintaining your own sense of self and purpose. When her daughter was born in 2010, life as she knew it completely changed. Hashtag #can we all relate. After struggling to manage work, motherhood, family, et cetera, Megan set about a new way to manage her time and organize her calendar. She took her 20 plus year career in systems and processes and applied it to one of her favorite things, time management. She's the creator of the top program, a program and planner that teaches her proprietary system and processes regarding time management, organization and productivity.

Kara: 4:27

We talk about the obsession with productivity in our society and our culture and you're really going to love the heart behind who she is. So I think when we hear time management, we can hear, I don't know, like it just feels so intense and driving and maybe it feels very masculine. So set your fears aside, because that's not at all what this conversation is about. This conversation is about restoring balance and even, maybe more importantly, setting down that overwhelm, learning how to manage overwhelm. So, as many of you know, I approach many of these concepts from different angles, so this is a topic, time management, that I think is so multifaceted.

Kara: 5:10

There's so many reasons why we all feel overwhelmed, and one of the best ways to address that is to bring intention to it, and so Megan has an expertise. She is focused and double down in this area, so I highly suggest that you do take her up on the resources that she has to offer for free and have it spark your shift from just going about life feeling overwhelmed to bringing intentionality and planning your day, your week and your life. Okay, that feels like a great launch point. Let's welcome Megan to the show. Hello, Megan, and welcome to the Special Needs Mom podcast.

Megan: 5:49

Thank you so much for having me. Really, it's a privilege to be here.

Kara: 5:53

Well, thank you, it's a privilege to have you with us. I'm excited for this conversation because my listeners will know that the majority of the guests that I bring on to the show you know would identify as moms of children with any type of disability or a special needs mom and you can share if you feel like that's part of your community. But generally, I think the community that you're serving is moms that are overwhelmed yeah, overwhelmed women in general.

Megan: 6:19

Yes, thank you, because sometimes we're even caregiving for our parents right. And so really the common thread among everyone is just women that are feeling overwhelmed and, unfortunately, as most women do today, we automatically blame ourselves I'm doing something wrong, what's wrong with me? Why can't I get on top of all of it? So not only are we overwhelmed, we are now completely beaten down, deflated and feeling less than which is a terrible place to be.

Kara: 6:52

Yeah, yeah. I think a lot of us can relate to that and we can relate to how terrible that is. Why do you think we go to that self-blame as women?

Megan: 6:59

Well, I mean, some of it is just women innately. We are, I think, truly wired that way. But then when we look at all of the advertising, whether it's TV, whether it's on social media, whatever we see two things right now. The second one is newer than the first, but first is just the traditional woman who looks like she has it all together Right.

Megan: 7:22

You know, comparison, getting the best of us, yeah, so like okay, well, if that's possible, if she can be, you know, dressed perfectly, still look great at the end of the day producing this amazing meal. Everyone's around the dinner table, laughing and having a great time. I'd love to invite you into my home in the evening and everything. The house is beautiful and all of that. So then we're thinking, well, that's obviously possible, why can't I have it? And then I think the response to that that I'm seeing so much on social media now is then this let's just celebrate the what they call it hot mess express, right, the messy, hot express mom, which I appreciate it because it's like, okay, let's call it what real life is a little bit, but it's like we're showing this we can either strive for perfection, which is unattainable, so instead let's just give up.

Kara: 8:13

Yes, we are on the same page with this one, a hundred percent. Well, let's back up for just a second. I want to hear how you got into this space, like what brought you to the level of passion and expertise in this particular space yeah.

Megan: 8:28

So I did not, you know, wake up one day and go. I want to teach people about time management, but certainly not something that I that ever came up in conversation. I spent the first 20 plus years of my career coming out of college in the tech space. Actually, I served as a software quality architect, which just means I'm a really big nerd inand a very small pond and I would go into software organizations that were typically really chaotic oftentimes startups and would basically throw away all of their systems and processes and create new ones and train them on it so that they could build their software better, faster, cheaper. So I have a bunch of and I only bring that up because it's important to note I have a lot of certifications around project management, process improvement, eliminating waste all of that. that I've ultimately been able to bring into what I teach around time management.

Megan: 9:19

I got married later in life, started a family later in life and shortly after my daughter was born because I have other loved ones in my family that had children with this I recognized very, very early with her that I was dealing with a pretty severe sensory integration disorder situation with her and felt terrified. how do I parent this?

Megan: 9:43

How do I provide here? And I knew, as she was getting into toddlerhood, this was going to mean I needed to seek out occupational therapies and all of that that that were going to take time, right, and daycare was just not an option for her, for her needs. And I just remember I was struggling with keeping my job going, trying to parent this in the way that I felt was deserved for her, and I had this day at the park where I was pushing around the swings was the one thing we could do at the park that she could tolerate. And the woman next to me says in conversation what do you do for fun? I was like um, and I wish I could go back in time to remember what I said to her.

Kara: 10:28

You're like I came up with something I know.

Megan: 10:29

I don't know what the hell I said cause I tell you what I didn't have an answer, but I do remember that night going through the whole nightly routine and getting her into bed and just like hanging on by a thread to just let the day end and get to bed. And I remember going into my closet, in my bedroom, and I had a complete breakdown because I didn't even realize I had gotten to a point in my life where I couldn't answer a simple question, "what do you do for fun? I'd forgotten that was even something I should be having and so, thankfully, to make a long story short, that sent me on a journey to say, okay, what happened here? Why can't I answer that?

Megan: 11:05

And when I really dug into it, I realized the way in which I was planning and managing my time and juggling all of those responsibilities. Planning and managing my time and juggling all of those responsibilities, what I had been doing for over 20 years, which served me so well as a corporate woman with no children, did not work in the life that I was living now. And so finally, I'm like Megan, this is what you do for a living. Why don't you take yourself on and treat your life as you would if you went into a client and say yourself on and treat your life as you would if you went into a client and say how do we restructure how we run life? And so I ended up kind of revamping a through way my old planner, my systems, my everything started from scratch.

Megan: 11:44

And some women that I know started reaching out and going. I don't understand how you're like, how are you handling all this? Would you teach me what you're doing? And so now fast forward to today. Here we are, almost 10 years later from that day in the park, and I have taken this time management system, turned it into a teachable framework, and I like to say I'm on a mission to bring work-life harmony into homes all over the world, because we, as women, deserve to be able to answer the question what do we do for fun, no matter what roles we're playing, especially when we are in a caregiving capacity, because that can take your entire life.

Kara: 12:22

Yeah, there's a quote from a book. It's called Redeeming Heartache is the book and it just hit me so clearly when I read it. It said "a heart that cannot rest cannot play, and I think especially for the mother, the mother's experience, not to discard or in any way put down father's experience.

Kara: 12:41

But I think mother is uniquely distinct, just carry the emotional load we do yeah, and so when we don't have confidence that we are showing up for a child and ourself, there is a heart impact to that right, like it is a heart that is hurting and so heart that cannot rest, cannot play, and I was like that is brilliant in terms of explaining the experience that you are, of course, not alone. That's why I was actually thinking about the woman that asked you that question at the park. I'm like what a badass that she was asking that question.

Megan: 13:10

I know.

Kara: 13:10

She was genuinely curious, Like how cool is that?

Megan: 13:13

And I kind of wonder like was she asking me because she was seeking fun in her life, or had she already figured this out? Like I would love to go back in time and dig deeper, but I was just. It caught me so off guard. I just remember fighting back tears and just trying to get through, you know.

Kara: 13:28

Totally yes, and I think everybody here will really relate to that. Thank you for sharing the backstory. I really love how you turned like you literally took yourself on as a project. How fun is that to picture. And you threw out everything. You built it up from ground zero and how it would have been fun to watch. I have to say that I'm ground zero and how I would have been fun to watch. I have to say that.

Kara: 13:53

So let's go back to the overwhelm, because I feel like this is an experience that I want to say. So I think, as caregiving moms like we kind of wear this as a badge of honor, like we're more overwhelmed than others, but I think it's a little different. Yeah, it is. So I will not acknowledge that there is a load here, but here's what I also want to acknowledge is that the experience of overwhelm is just as valid for anybody that is experiencing overwhelm. It's your experience, and so whether you truly do have a uniquely heavy load or whether you're a stay-at-home mom with one child who is typically developing doesn't really matter. Like that's not the point here. The point is addressing that the feeling of overwhelm is, I think, one of the most common motherhood experiences and, from what I understand, you're kind of a stand to say wait a second here, do we really have to stay there? So why do you think this is the most common motherhood?

Megan: 14:44

experience. So there's a couple things at play here, because you look back, 30 years ago, you weren't seeing this trend of women being as overwhelmed as we are today, as moms being as overwhelmed as we are today, and there's a couple things at play here that I think together have created this perfect storm. So, first and foremost is, let's acknowledge the fact that most women today, as compared to you know, a couple of decades ago, do have more responsibilities on our plate in terms of there are a lot more women that are working and raising children at the same time, so there's just more balls to juggle when you're dealing with that. There's also a lot of families having more children. Right, We've seen a spike sometimes in families with four or five, six kids. So I mean that creates, you know, there's more to juggle. Now, a lot more subtly, is this introduction of technology, which I am a technology lover. I'm not going to sit here and tell you technology is horrible. It's done. It has unlocked a lot of amazing things. I wouldn't be able to run the business I've run without it. I'm immensely grateful for it. But let's take a look at the amount of information coming at you all day long. Right, I look back into my 20s, so I'm 50 now, so I'm old enough.

Megan: 16:03

That when I went to college we didn't have smartphones, we didn't have email was kind of new ish, Like even that wasn't around, right. I had to go book a time to get into a room to type my paper on the computer at the school, kind of thing. So with my first job out of school I was issued a pager that I was in charge of a particular piece of software. If there was a problem my pager would go off and then I had to go find a pay phone to call in. So first people thought long and hard before issuing a page. You didn't just page someone on a whim because you knew how disruptive that was, right? now, It also meant that when I left home, I left home. My computer didn't go home with me. Like work and life were separate and you could almost shut your doors on the onslaught of information. If you were in your home and your TV wasn't on. Fine.

Megan: 16:53

Now we walk around with computers in our pockets that are more powerful than the systems I worked on and they are pumping information at us at a breakneck pace. We are so reachable that we are consuming messages, content, texts, DMs, Snapchats, all the things. And so information's coming at us that we need to process, organize and file away into how relevant is it, at a pace in which our brain can't support it, and so we have all these increased roles and responsibilities. We've got an onslaught of information coming at us, and yet the traditional mainstream time management and productivity quote "experts out there are teaching the exact same things they taught 20 years ago, and so it's no wonder it doesn't work.

Megan: 17:45

And so I feel that we are failing to provide support and tangible things that we can do in day-to-day life to kind of get back to that shutting the doors on the things and giving ourselves a hot minute to breathe, and then coupled with you know, I love me some Amazon prime, but this prime now where I want everything, and I want it right now, we're applying that to our life. Everything is important, Everything has to be done right now. Of course, we're overwhelmed. I mean, even talking about it like raises my heart level a little bit.

Megan: 18:18

It's like oh my God, how am I supposed to handle all of this?

Kara: 18:21

Well, thank you, because I feel like you did such a great job of articulating the experience that we're all having and we don't often stop and think of actually the impact of having all this information all the time and, of course, as you mentioned, like there's this upside of it, like we get to connect with people that we didn't ordinarily get to connect to, especially in, you know, the communities that I find myself, where there's many rare conditions that we get to kind of pull together in the world.

Megan: 18:45

we're not isolated anymore, you know, feeling like you're the only one, and so it's. Yeah, there's a lot of benefit to this, for sure.

Kara: 18:52

And so essentially, like, what I'm kind of deducing is that we haven't learned how to manage this new world that we found ourselves in, especially as women, because you know, I'm sure you would agree, that how we as women plan will not probably be the same as men who work outside of the home, or even in the home, I mean I know, when I was in the early stages of figuring out.

Megan: 19:32

What does this mean? My husband wasn't no fault of his own. He doesn't love our daughter any less, but he's not out reading articles and gathering books to become as educated as he can on this and what are our options and all of that. And so that's just more levels of to do that we're putting on ourselves, oftentimes because we aren't good at asking for help either.

Kara: 19:55

Yes, yes, definitely, we can record a whole other episode on that and I do have actually some episodes people can look up on that asking and receiving help, because it's a whole nother thing is actually being willing to receive. Yeah, I think it's overwhelming. Okay, so we were laying the foundation like we are overwhelmed and will very likely struggle with overwhelm unless we learn to manage it, to manage our lives differently, and so that's kind of what you're teaching women. So I'd love to hear a little bit about where you start when you are working with a mom, talking to a mom who is filled with overwhelm almost to the extent where she can't see a way out. So where do you start in that conversation?

Megan: 20:38

So usually when people are overwhelmed, they're in one of two places they either combat it by just working harder, faster, harder, faster, harder, right. So their wheels are going at a breakneck pace and you know soon like they're heading for burnout, or we get so overwhelmed we're paralyzed. It's like I don't even know where to start. So one of the things that I like to introduce people to and I have a ton of free resources out there for it is to help in immediate, almost triage situation is I have a three-step process that is called" my" ditch the overwhelm three-step process. I've got a whole PDF on that that you can download that walks you through what this three-step process is. I still find myself having to use that. It is a tool that I keep in my tool belt because, even though I plan to manage my time the way I do, there are pockets of time where, all of a sudden, you're overwhelmed, like, no matter what, anytime I come back from a vacation or an extended trip, I come home and I'm overwhelmed, right, like oh my God, I've got to unpack, I've got to do laundry, we have no food, we have no this, I've got to work, and I've got to work every single time. So anytime I come back from a step process. But here is the fundamental shift that I think it's really important for women to make when it comes to planning our time, and this is where I was saying I feel that all those traditional mainstream planning things are not catching up to the time that we're in. Usually what you find when you go out to search for how can I start to plan and manage my time better is they teach this thing where they say get up every day and do a brain dump to clear your head, get all the things swimming in your head out on a piece of paper. Circle your top three. I have dug into why top three? I cannot find any scientific reason why they all say the top three, but we're supposed to find our top three most important things for the day, circle those and then only do those first and then, with the leftover time, go do the rest of your stuff.

Megan: 22:28

There's a recipe for disaster and impossible, especially if you are a caregiver, because, first of all, you may be waking up to a child at 5 am in the morning right, who genuinely has a need right there. Second of all, you may have a day full of 15 different appointments. They all need to happen. So those quote top three. You may have days where none of that's getting touched, and that's the way your day needs to function Right.

Megan: 22:52

But more importantly is, it is keeping you what I call in a state of being very reactive and in very firefighting mode. Cause if we're waking up every day, starting our day with a question what do I need to get done oday??? oday Already your anxiety levels are coming up right and we start to get into that fight or flight mode because we start to get a little stressed as we're starting to write all the things down right. Well, the chemicals that are happening in your brain when you're making that list are no different than the chemicals of your you're standing in the woods and you see a bear. You're going into that fight or flight mode and when we're there, our brain's ability to make thoughtful, intentional choices is gone. Your brain is going into I need to protect myself and I'm looking for something that feels good. So when we translate that to looking at our task list, what that means is we often end up picking the things on there that were not the right use of our time, because we want to get some quick dopamine hits and to check some things off. So we look for the low-hanging fruit and usually those were not the things that were most important. But that's the way our brain is functioning, because we're already in kind of a state of panic.

Megan: 24:08

So at the heart of everything I teach is shifting away from this day-to-day daily list-making mode into creating an intentional, thoughtful weekly plan. So I sit down once a week and I'm looking at all the things competing for my time that week all of the current commitments I have with appointments and meetings and all of that, and then saying, okay, how do I piece this together in a way that maximizes efficiencies, that allows me to do the right activities at the right time of day so that I'm showing up as my best self during those, and protects time for myself along with it? So instead of starting every day with, okay, what do I need to get done today? Now, when you wake up it's hey, what does my plan tell me I'm doing today? And already that sounds so much more relaxing.

Megan: 25:00

We move away from that constant decision fatigue lifestyle into one where you know you ever have those days, at the end of the day, where your husband comes in. It's like what do you want to do for dinner. You're like, for the love of God, just pick the restaurant. Like I cannot make one more decision right? Well, having a weekly plan is like you, at your best self, made the decisions ahead of time. Now you just get to look at your plan and have those reminders of what you're going to do and when you're going to do it.

Kara: 25:26

You just get to look at your plan and have those reminders of what you're going to do and when you're going to do it. I love it, and my guess is that when you're looking well, not my guess, I know this because this is what I do. I think we're very aligned in the way that we look at this, but I love the way that you've distinctly described living by your to-do list versus planning. Yeah, a task list is not a plan. It is not a plan.

Kara: 25:47

It is a recipe for overwhelm and then more overwhelm, because we get stuck in those two spaces the harder, faster and the paralyzed. And I think everyone's going to have their go-to, like. My go-to is definitely harder, faster. Like if I don't manage myself, I will really really get spun up in a do do, do, do, do, do, do, cause it does kind of itch, that itch of thinking okay, I'm doing something, so I'm safe or I'm valuable or whatever the thing is and your brain is.

Megan: 26:15

those check marks give that serotonin like, okay, that feels good.

Kara: 26:19

That feels good.

Megan: 26:20

Everything else feels so bad, so at least that feels good. I'm checking some things off.

Kara: 26:23

Well, looping back to what you said about this play thing, this whole play mystery of what do we like to do for fun, if we look at, kind of how most women plan and you look at their to-do list, there would be zero on there for anything that is really filling that tank that she might have of enjoyment or fun or rest, so it's not on her plan anywhere.

Kara: 26:45

How do you support a mom in fitting those things in that kind of feel unfittable or like it's the thing that always gets squeezed out, like? What's your approach for that?

Megan: 26:57

First, I introduce people to a basic weekly planning process which is five steps and step three, not step five, not the last step.

Megan: 27:05

Step three in the weekly planning process is the time for yourself and it goes in your plan on the calendar as an appointment specific times. Now you don't have to decide what you're gonna do, right, Because it's different. I mean, who knows, it could be the end of the day and you're like I'm gonna Netflix for an hour or maybe you wanna go for a walk, like it can be any of those things. But the key is is it's not taking the leftover time because guess what, you won't have leftover time it's learning to prioritize that and recognizing that when you have that, you show up as a caregiver in a completely different way. If I can spend a half an hour with my child with a full tank, she gets more out of that than if I spend two hours with her where I'm half annoyed, resentful and exhausted. And it took me a long time to believe that for myself, right, because we're taught that the quality is in the quantity, not the quality is in how you're showing up for it.

Kara: 28:14

Yeah, as in being fully present and grounded and available for human connection,

Megan: 28:21

Let's be honest. I mean, when she was younger, even if I was fully present playing Candyland for the 10,000th time, did I love that moment of playing Candyland? No, I was tired of Candyland but, as you mentioned, I was there and she could tell she was getting my full attention. And that's the other misnomer I think a lot of women have, is they think that if they don't love every activity that they're doing with their kid, they're doing something wrong. And I'm here to tell you you have a right to say this isn't my favorite thing to do, but it brings this one a lot of joy, and so, okay, you're not a bad mom if you don't want to play Candyland again.

Kara: 28:58

Yes, I want to meet the mom who does enjoy playing Candyland for more than like three minutes. Thank you so much. I just want to mention now, because I don't want to forget, that we will have all of your contact information on the show notes. Great, so that, should people want the resources that you're referring to, they'll be available and easy to find.

Kara: 29:18

Okay, so let's go back to the description of the day, where you described somebody having appointments and commitments basically all day. So they've planned their week and they look at their day, and it's driving and it's appointments. And this is the real lived experience of moms, whether we're caregiving moms or whether you are a working mom, entrepreneur, mom, like, let's just be honest, a lot of us have that experience for some days, not every day, but many days, okay. So those days, my guess is if left unattended, like if a mom actually hasn't planned and she does have that full day that she's still trying to hold that to-do list over her head, yeah, and then she's not getting any of it done, no, so this is where, like a great analogy I like to give people is grocery shopping.

Megan: 30:06

So I think many of us probably do some form of grocery shopping, right, and let's say, I handed you a list of like 50 things, a grocery list, and then I just gave you an envelope with some money in it. I was like, don't worry, there's money in there, just go buy these 50 things. And you're like, hey, great, so you're probably going to run through the store as quick as you can and just get the things off the list, right. Go to the checkout. They ring it up, they're like, hey, it's $200. And you're like, awesome, you open the envelope and in it is $125. Now is the checkout lady going to go? You're fine, and let you leave with $200

Megan: 30:43

Well, most women today are operating this way. They have this huge list that might equal 36 hours of to-dos, but the reality is they only have two available hours today and maybe four tomorrow, but they don't see that. And so then at the end of the day, it's like that, opening up the envelope, and they're seeing, oh my gosh, I only got two things down on my list today. What's wrong with me? Whereas if they had started their day knowing, hey, guess what, I've only got an hour of actual time today to do anything. What is the most important thing that I should be doing during that hour? They're going to go to bed that night not feeling guilty for only having done the one thing, because they knew that was all the time that they had.

Megan: 31:28

So when we learn how to weekly plan the right way, what we're ultimately doing is learning how to see how much time do I have available this week and then allowing that to support us in our decision-making of what we do get done and what we let go of. Because the numbers are showing the time is not there. And so now, guess what? The guilt's gone and all this feeling of I'm less than is gone because we get to go back and say, well, there physically wasn't the time. So I'm okay with the fact that these things didn't get done, but when we're just walking around with this random list and no idea of how much available time we have, it just perpetuates this constant feeling of I'm just not good enough, I'm overwhelmed and I can't get it done.

Kara: 32:16

Man, and it's funny. I'm like how did we all come up with this list? Because I think most of us have started there, whether we've done some work on it or not. Okay, two things I want to comment back. First off, if you think about the default of someone carrying around this list that they're hanging over their head all the time, you really notice how unkind it is. Like it's almost kind of mean, and that's what I reflect to my clients it's kind of mean.

Megan: 32:37

Hey, here's everything you haven't done. Hey, here's everything you haven't done.

Kara: 32:40

And holding it over your head all the time. So there's that, and then I think this idea of planning a week at a time is you get to be the manager of your life, the leader of your life, and you get to anticipate the clock. So I do actually do this practice of planning the week and looking at everything in advance so I'm able to notice, okay, that's not going to work for me to have the appointment at the same time that I have to get my kid, or whatever the situation is, and so then I can mobilize my resources ahead of time, versus being in a panic when all of a sudden, predictably, my life's not working.

Megan: 33:15

When you create that plan. Let's say you're doing that on. You know I like to do mine on Sundays, so I've got my plan for the week and maybe on Monday, all of a sudden I get a phone call or I realize I need to schedule a well check for my child or whatever, and I'm on the phone. If I'm only looking at a calendar that shows traditional appointments, right the commitments to others I might see yeah, I'm open Thursday afternoon, let's go ahead and book that doctor's appointment.

Megan: 33:42

But if I've created a plan for the week and my plan on my calendar is showing me, hey, thursday afternoon is when I have that window of time to go run all four of the errands that I need to get done this week, and now that's in my calendar as an appointment. So I'm creating appointments with myself. So now when I go and I'm on that phone call and they're like we have Thursday afternoon open, I get to have that conversation with myself of okay, megan, if you take that appointment slot, when are you going to get the things done that you were planning on spending that time on? And I get to make a really good choice. Maybe the answer is yes, because that appointment is more important, but maybe the answer is no, let's look to next week. Right, and that's one of the huge benefits of this weekly planning is it prevents us from getting overbooked and overscheduled and supports us to create really good boundaries around what we say yes and no to.

Kara: 34:38

I'm loving it. Yes, definitely All of it. Yes, I want to add another layer, and that layer is our society's addiction to productivity. So what are your thoughts? I'll throw it over to you. What are your thoughts on this.

Megan: 34:52

I'm laughing because I'm thinking of a commercial that my daughter cannot stand, so it's a granola bar, one of the nature Granola bars, commercials. Yeah, I think there are third graders and they're sitting on the bus at the first day of school and one third grader leaves the other and says how was your summer? And this little eight-year-old goes productive, like that's how insane our addiction to productivity is that we're showing kids using that as a way to celebrate a good summer.

Kara: 35:21

That's something. Oh my gosh.

Megan: 35:23

Yes, and that is kind of where we're at.

Kara: 35:25

Like that's where let's just be honest, that's where we're at as a society.

Megan: 35:28

So I think that's a perfect example of our addiction to productivity, right? But I mean it's everywhere, everywhere, even in subtle things, boss, babe, like there's an implication of I'm super productive, right, there are planners out there. You know that get or even the planning system called GSD, get shit done. I mean it's everywhere. We are promoting and celebrating getting stuff done and we're defining stuff as things that externally, other people can see and that you can go look what I did Instead of what I wish we would do.

Megan: 36:08

And my definition of productivity, the way I teach it in the program, is this we learn how to get the most important things done in a stress-free way. That is productivity. And maybe it means one thing got done that entire week, but it was the most important thing. I can remember back when I was trying to find the right occupational therapist for my three-year-old and between my jobs I was still in corporate at that time that entire week all that got done was finally finding the facility and the place that I could go get the initial appointment booked, and that was a win. Nothing else happened that week but guess what? That was the most important thing that week. And so helping people to kind of butt up against this culture of more, more, more, and instead let's celebrate important, important, important, because I'd rather get one really important thing done than 10 meh kind of stuff done.

Kara: 37:14

I feel like, because I think so many of us have just come in with this default belief of you get your value from what you produce, and producing means you know all the things that you said earlier in terms of like the default definition. I love your definition. So we have this obsession with learning, with college, with producing some high level career, and then all of a sudden, people in my shoes find ourselves with a human being that's probably not going to do any of those things, and so it really turns us upside down because we don't know what other value there is. Part of the grief process and part of the full acceptance process is really recognizing and really owning and really detangling all of this is that our value does not come from what we produce.

Megan: 38:02

It doesn't come from that. The last thing I mean I always like to think about how do I want someone to describe me? I hope I don't get described as a woman who gets a lot of stuff done right. Maybe that's at the bottom of the list. I would want to be described by you know, hopefully. She's a good friend, she's a great listener, she takes time out for others, she's an avid reader, she's a music lover, Like if someone were to ask me to describe myself on a piece of paper.

Megan: 38:31

That's what I want to lean into, and so my hope is that we can, as a society, celebrate those things and then the visual output is just it's different for everybody and that's not what we celebrate, right. And so I think, when we have humans in our lives that we are a caregiver for, where we're realizing that may not be their path it's highly likely not, this gives us the opportunity to double down and be a part of, of teaching just uttermost kindness and launching really good human beings into this world. Right, and think of the impact they can have.

Kara: 39:17

I know, just for being a human being, in whatever way that they're being. And yeah, I think you said that really beautifully and I think you know both of us in our unique spaces. I think we're saying a lot of the same things, which is amazing because you're getting to speak to an entirely different audience, and essentially, I think what we're doing is we're trying to change the narrative of what it means to be a mom in these spaces.

Megan: 39:38

A conversation I had with my daughter when she was much younger is one I like to share with moms, because I think when we become a mom, it's really easy to have that become our encompassing identity.

Megan: 39:58

And I was tucking my daughter in one night and she was seven or eight, I was working on a project for work that I wanted to go finish and I was like, well, I've got to go finish. Cause you know they're trying to rope you in, keep you in that room as long as possible. And finally, I just said I got to go and as I was walking out the door she says mom, sometimes I think you like work more than me. And I mean, that's like the you know knife in the heart right there. And I paused and I just want to turn around. I said, why? Why do you think that? And she says well, sometimes it's like I feel like you would rather be finishing up something for work than playing another game with me. So I remember in the moment I'm like, okay, there's the quick thing I can say to get out of here, or do

Megan: 40:31

we actually talk about this. So I sat down. I said well, you're not going to like my answer. I said sometimes I would rather go do the work thing than play another game with you. And I mean her eyes wide open because I was not. You know, she's thinking she's reeling me in here a little bit and it gave me the opportunity to share with her. I said listen, I was Megan for a very long time. Megan did lots of things. Megan has lots of interests. And then I met your dad and my husband calls me Megs. He has from our first date. I don't know why, but it just he always has.

Megan: 41:01

My husband's a name shortener too. This is hilarious and so and you know, my daughter hears him always calling me Meg. So I said so. Then I met your dad and we got married and then I became Megs. I said do you think that Megan stopped doing all the things that she loved when suddenly she became Megs? She's like, well, no, I said of course not. I said I still did. You know, at that time there were different activities that I do now. I still, like used to do triathlons and all those. I still did all those things when I became Megs. And then you were born and then I became mom.

Megan: 41:32

So now I get to be Megan and I get to be Megs and I get to be mom and all three of them are incredibly important. But I am all three of those things. I can't only be mom, I can't only be Megs and I can't only be Megan. So sometimes Megan has been working hard for weeks and is so close to finishing something she's really proud of and I've just been mom for the last two hours. So now I know if I can just go be Megan for 30 more minutes, I can get this thing done that I'm really proud of.

Megan: 42:04

So yet sometimes Megan does get to be front and center, I said. But it's us working together, realizing it's all of that. And now, all these years later, we still, in our household, use that all the time because something like my husband or my daughter will call me and be like, hey, mom, I'll be like, hang on, megan, just needs five more minutes and I'm all yours. And it's that nice way to communicate and remind one another that we are all individuals outside of the roles we play for one another as spouse, as mom, as dad, and so we always call it all of our split personalities and I think it's a really interesting way to talk to our kids about that, some too, when they're of an age old enough to understand it. You know, two years old she wasn't gonna understand that, but it's a nice way, even as ourselves. When I'm looking at my plan for the week, I want to make sure I see Megan reflected there, mom reflected there and Meg's reflected there somewhere every single week.

Kara: 43:01

Oh man, this is a great story because I think it really hits on several things. One it was it's very clear that you shifted from this either or context to really kind of saying how can I have both?

Megan: 43:17

And that's the harmony of our life.

Kara: 43:19

Relationship with my daughter, relationship with myself, relationship with the work that you get to do, like it's really a beautiful example of having that shift of context, which is, you know, kind of what I focus on in coaching. The other thing that I think you really hit on really, really well, articulated in such good imagery, is identity. I'm sure you see this as well is that as we shift into motherhood, wherever we're coming from and whether we're working outside the home or not.

Megan: 43:46

But it can be all consuming.

Kara: 43:49

Yeah, exactly Right. So the identities that we maybe just subconsciously shed and leave behind ends up putting so much pressure on the singular identity of motherhood.

Megan: 44:02

Well, think about going into your children's school, if they're there, like you know. Let's say your child's name is Liz, right? Oh, you're Liz's mom? No, I'm, you know, and I correct children when I'll say oh you're so-and-so's mom. No, you can call me Megan. Like I am a human, I have an identity outside of being her mom, but it's those subtle things that just keep reaffirming this is it, this is your entire identity. When we have to fight to keep hold of our identity prior to motherhood.

Kara: 44:32

And I don't think we'd give thought to the unspoken lessons that it's teaching our children if we don't really own these identities. Because if we only have that identity of motherhood, I think I said earlier it puts a lot of pressure on these kids. I think I said earlier it puts a lot of pressure on these kids because if that's all they know, that that's all you've got, then it's not a good recipe for them to grow up and be independent if that is their path. So what we're teaching our kids is to have their own identities as well, and if you look at people that are really grounded, they know who they are, and so this is a huge point. So I'm so glad you brought this up. Well, megan, meg's, mom. Well, we're going to wrap up, and so I just wanted to toss it over to you. If there's anything that we didn't get to touch on or that just is on your heart as we're closing it out, I'd love to hear what you have to share.

Megan: 45:25

Yeah, I think I was just. Whenever I'm given an opportunity to say this to other women, especially other moms, there was a point many years ago, I just remember this woman very calmly and lovingly, looking at me right in the eye and just said to me you know you're worthy of support. You know that, don't you? And I was at a stage of life where that brought me to my knees, and it's something I have to remind myself of daily, and I just would love to remind all of the women listening you too, are worthy of support, whatever that looks like for you, and that it's important for you to prioritize that for yourself as well.

Kara: 46:08

Beautiful. Thank you so much, and I can really emphasize that when we own this worthiness, it is a game changer, and I can see how that would be pretty confronting if it wasn't something that you were experiencing, and thank God that you listened and now are a model to us, as you have embodied all these identities that you are worthy of. Thank you Well, thank you so much. We'll see you in the next episode.