Unlocking Calm with Hypnotist Kim Guche

In this episode, I sit down with Kim Guche, a hypnotist, NLP practitioner, and pediatric speech-language pathologist with a passion for helping families create harmony and peace at home. As a mom of four and a best-selling author, Kim brings a wealth of personal and professional insight into reducing stress, building confidence, and fostering resilience in both kids and parents.

We discuss the misconceptions about hypnotherapy, how it works, and why it’s an accessible and transformative tool. Kim shares her journey from working with children with special needs to founding Entrancing Inspirations Hypnotherapy in 2016. Her mission? To help children and families decrease anxiety, improve communication, and tap into their inner strength through mindset and energy work.

Kim also offers a simple, practical grounding technique to help parents shift from overwhelm to calm in minutes. This tool is a game-changer, whether you're preparing for a challenging day or navigating the chaos of daily life.

Connect with Kim Guche: 

• Peaceful Parent Hypnotic Meditation Download
• Website
• Instagram
• Facebook

Related Episodes:

• Understanding Trauma As A Gateway To Healing with Meghann Crane - Russ  | Part 1 of 3
• Trauma In The Body, In The Mind, and In Our Lives with Meghann Crane - Russ   | Part 2 of 3
• Trauma Recovery Resources For The Special Needs Mom with Meghann Crane - Russ  | Part 3 of 3

Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

Join the Community:
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Transcript

0:05

Hi, I'm Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flair of possibility. In your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone, or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome.

Speaker 2: 1:13

Hello and welcome to the special needs mom podcast. Today is a interview style episode and I am excited for you to meet and enjoy the company of Kim. She's a hypnotherapist, and like me, she's on a mission to help special needs parents. And like me, she's on a mission to help special needs moms. And her expertise is hypnotherapy along with NLP, as well as a current and former speech language pathologist. So, she shares a very unique perspective, having been somebody who Was the person, you know, witnessing us alongside our children as we try to figure out how to do this whole special needs parenting thing. We had fun in the conversation. We explored just a little bit about kind of the misconceptions of hypnotherapy. Laughed a little bit about a few things here and there. And at the very end of the episode, she actually brought us through a guided meditation. And so we'll have that time stamped on the show notes. If you're like, Kara, I don't have time for chitchat. I got to get calm right now. So go ahead and skip there if you need to. But listen to the interview. I think it'll be intriguing to you and offer some insight and hopefully some inspiration. And again, the technique she shares at the very end is something that I think is a resource we can go back to over and over again, whether we go back to the recording or we do it from memory. So with that, let's get right into it.

Kara: 2:43

Well, Kimberly. Welcome to the special needs mom podcast.

Kim: 2:48

Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.

Kara: 2:50

I'm excited to have this conversation. It's one of those things where I'm like, Ooh, I'm like a little intrigued by all the things that you have expertise in that I do not. Of course we have a lot of, Co expertise, as your coach as well. Is that correct? Yeah. so let's start with a little bit more about who you are, where you came from, all the different things about you as a human being. So will you introduce yourself to us? Mm

Kim: 3:13

I sure will. so I'm Kim Gucci and, like the first thing about me, I think the most important thing I always, I always think about myself is that I'm a mom of, I have four, grown children. My youngest is a senior in college. And, I have been a speech language pathologist for, 30 years. And, so my four children, I do not have any children with special needs, but that's what I do. My first career is working with children with special needs. I love kids, like that's my passion is kids and, you know, my childhood and my family, my parents, it was a rough upbringing. You know, my, parents are gone now. I loved my parents and I know they loved me, but in our house, it often didn't, they didn't have any coping strategies or real good strategies for even communicating love. in the way

Kara: 4:11

hmm.

Kim: 4:12

typically a child should need to be loved. so I remember when I was in school, when we, we had to go, you know, to the guidance counselor and talk about what do you want to do like after high school? What do you want to do like for a career? And I, I mean, I just remember saying, you just want to be a mom. That's really what

Kara: 4:30

Same. Same.

Kim: 4:33

I kept thinking like, well, I have no aspirations. All my friends knew what they wanted to do. And I just wanted to be a mom. I mean, I, thought that from when I was young, I don't know, like, I'm not a super empath, but I just remember thinking like, I need to do this better. I want to have kids. I want to have a lot of kids and, I need to do this better than what happened to me. So. I ended up, I picked speech pathology. I'm not really sure. I think because I had, a strong connection in where I grew up, the, New York state school for the deaf and hard of hearing was there. And so I had a strong connection to, to that community because my, cousins worked there and it was always just. I was enamored. I like language, obviously. I fell in love with American Sign Language and, just how to help, you know, communicate when there's that barrier, that communication barrier. So ended up going into speech therapy. And then, through that, when first child was born, I didn't, it was just too hard to be in the schools because it's too much of a caseload. And I wanted to be, obviously. Part time working because I wanted to be there for my son. So I was doing early intervention in preschool so going into the homes and I think that it really started to hit me when you're in someone else's home and when you're an empath like you can feel the energy of that home and you know when you can just kind of feel like What's going on with? the child like how a lot of tantrums and the behaviors you start and then continue. but there's a feeling inside of each home and then you get to the end of 10 of those by the end of the day. And I'm like, wow, it's exhausting. I remember thinking, that there's a lot more here that needs to be done than, traditional speech therapy. but of course, it is. Try and tell people that talk about the energy in the home. Like, where are you going with, that? Right. All my ideas that I had, just knew I had a sense that there are more things that can help families and children other than me sitting on a floor trying to. but I didn't really know at that time what it was, but I, I just knew like these families need help because the children are reacting to the mom and, you know, it's hard to make progress with a baby or a toddler who's out of control. Like, even though they love me and the kids would love me when I came in, but you have a parent that's in the middle of a grief cycle or they're angry or, they just want to vent and tell you what's gone on and how angry they are at the doctors. and so I have this child on my lap and this, baby or this little, little one is reacting to the mom's energy about what's happened. And you know, the baby's feeling the mom's emotions and then, you know. and then they're like, well, they didn't talk today.

Kara: 7:25

Yeah, I mean, there's so much complexity and I can even think of myself in different circumstances when, you know, in my shoes, it's like, sometimes we're just desperate for someone to hear our story and to, see the whole picture. And when we have a professional like yourself that we think might understand, we're like, we have to tell you everything because you have to see us. And I can see how you come into these homes and see it over and over again. And you see these common themes and you see the, you know, you're saying you feel the energy and I can very much kind of. feel what you mean by that.

Kim: 7:59

So there was a moment where I remember saying, because when you're working with kids, you, you have to reteach. So every week I would go back and, it didn't matter whether it was kids in the schools or, you know, that little, like the preschoolers, I remember saying, wouldn't it be great if there was a way to somehow program the brain. So that these kids could remember what I taught them, so we don't have to learn it again every time I come back, because there's so much relearning, it's like they forgot everything, we gotta start over again. I said it would be great if there was like a magic wand, or some way to bypass that, so we could just, you know, add on instead of go all the way back. Several years later I ended up getting divorced. And so I got offered to switch over to long term care, which I never wanted to do. and then be travel therapist. Did not want to do that, but I had four kids and, um, and I'm a single mom now. So I, there was more money in, in that. a long term care doing speech therapy that way than there was with PEDS. So I switched and I ended up in a nursing home setting and the physical therapist that worked with me was married to the guy that owned like the most successful hypnosis practice in our city. And I had wanted to go to him for me just cause I wanted to do my own session and I, um, did not like the job I had. I just, it just wasn't me. And I was missing, I wanted to be with kids, but again, it wasn't paying enough. So,

Kara: 9:33

You got to do what you got to do as a mom sometimes.

Kim: 9:35

Yeah, so I walked in and he had a plaque on the wall and I was miserable. My dad had just died. My mom was sick. I have four kids. I'm, I'm miserable because I'm alone now and I'm working two jobs. I mean, it was always doing a full time job plus then other per diem jobs. And, I, I just felt lost in my life and I walked in and there was a plaque on the wall it was a comparative study that was, percentage of success with resolution to a problem over how many sessions. So it was comparing cognitive behavioral, traditional talk therapy and hypnosis. It was something like for hypnosis, it was like percent change or resolution of a problem over like three sessions. And I, I saw that my eyes saw that's the first thing I saw. And I said, that's it. That's the answer. that is the answer to the question I had always asked, how could I help people better and is there a way that we could. Program the brain. I didn't even know really anything about it yet. I just saw that and I said, like, could I learn to do this? And he said, absolutely. And we never even did my session. I just paid him to do my certification. And he said, you know, we could start next week. So I went

Kara: 10:55

that's interesting. He skipped over.

Kim: 10:58

right, told the kids. And my son said, Wait a minute, Missy. He was in, he was in high school at the time. He said, listen, Missy, we cut you a lot of slack for all these crazy things that you do. So he said, you know, we, we let it go when you, I've been into energy work and lot of things that people would consider out there for a long time. He said, we cut your slack when you wanted to do this. We let it go when you thought you were going to be the next best tarot card reader, blah, blah, blah. And then he said, now you've really crossed the line. He goes, you go right back there and you tell that guy you want your money back. He was in ninth grade. And I said, you're just embarrassed. That you don't want your friends to find out that your mom's going to be a hypnotist. And he goes, yeah, that's exactly what it

Kara: 11:41

He's like precisely 100%. You nailed it.

Kim: 11:44

But you know what? So I did it. I said, you know what? I'm going to do it. It's not crazy. I'm going to do it. And all four of them, even though they made fun of it and they thought it was nuts, they all use to some capacity, energy work, hypnosis, NLP, subconscious work in their life. So, and then my youngest. She was so open minded and she'll do anything. So she was, my guinea pig for a while just to see, like, can I even do this? And they saw all the things like that. My daughter was using it to help her study to help her. you know, she wanted to be a better volleyball player, like improve her sports, you know, improve her confidence. So they were watching all of that. And they were like, wow, it really, there's something to it. So that's kind of how I got into it. And then I thought, wow, this is going to be so great for kids because instead of watching them struggle and, taking the long way around conscious brain trying to make changes, you know, using willpower or, you know, just, it's like, Wouldn't you rather go lightning speed instead of going like in a horse and buggy to resolve a problem? Like it's just so much faster. And kids are, so great, because they're open. They're just so open and they're not jaded. So when I started seeing that it worked, I thought, wow, well, it's easy with the kids. What can I do for the moms? Like, how can I help the moms? because every mom is the child's first hypnotist, right? The kids are a hook, line and sinker, listening and believing and absorbing every single thing you say and do and what's on your face and what you're feeling. and so anything I did with a child, even with, you know, mindset or unconscious techniques is going to be undone by the mom,

Kara: 13:29

Yeah. If you think about like the exposure hours, right? Like of in terms of you have an hour with them and then the rest of however many hours the week there with somebody else. Well, let's, get a baseline understanding of like, okay, what is exactly hypnotism? Like I obviously have heard of it and I have a, maybe an idea of it, but how you would define it, what is it exactly? And then the other question is like, why do you think there is so much, caution around it or like maybe misconception? So I, You know, because I just feel like it is kind of in a category that's different than a lot of other modalities. And so I want to hear your take on it.

Kim: 14:04

Yeah, that's a great question. so what is it? there's really, nothing very mystical about it. It's really just, focusing your attention on something like a hyper focus on something to the exclusion of other things. So I think people don't understand like hypnosis, people, Especially kids go in and out of hypnotic states naturally, like 10 to 20 times a day everyone does. so examples of how it happens naturally, it would be like, driving. Like, so when you're driving from point A to point B and you're doing it on autopilot, and you don't even know, sometimes don't, haven't you had that where you, you get somewhere and you're thinking, how did I, here? I wasn't even

Kara: 14:47

Yeah. Well, scary, right?

Kim: 14:49

Yeah. Like it's, it's called road hypnosis, but it's like, you're doing it on autopilot. You don't need to think because it's a loop, it's a pattern and your unconscious mind is all about patterns. So you know, I mean, yes, you need to pay attention to the, traffic and what's happening, but the route you could do like automatically, or even, You know, when you're watching a movie, think about like watching a movie or reading a book and it's, it's really just like immersion, like it's putting yourself in another place using your imagination. So, you know, when you're watching a movie, it's not really happening to you, but you can feel the feelings of excitement or love or fear or sadness. so it's as if it's happening to you. So you're in, in essence, you're imagining that you're You're in that situation. And definitely when you're reading a book, you can be reading and you're, you know, someone's talking to you and you, you're aware of their voice. but you're not listening cause you're so engrossed in your book and then your heart's pounding, like you don't want to turn the page. it's you know, you're again, you're putting yourself in another place in time as if like you're becoming immersed in it and engrossed by, that thing you're hyper focused on. I mean, just staring at a candle, you know how you can feel like you're, you're just being hypnotized by a candle or a bonfire. Like when you stare into the flame, it's just, that's so calming.

Kara: 16:12

What do you say that it's a state of consciousness? Like you're not asleep, you're not, well, you are awake, but you're not like, ultra alert awake. You're very fixated in that state of consciousness.

Kim: 16:24

it is an altered state of consciousness, but there's various degrees of it. So there's lights, that's a light state of hypnosis. Like just. looking at a, staring at a candle or, you know, just being mesmerized by a fire. a light state, deep state is, you know, going like in a, like when somebody like can induce you into a deeper state of, you could say trans, but it's really, hyper focus or you could also say imagination because you're imagining yourself to be somewhere else. So, I think what people. Maybe think is scary about it or some people would say dangerous. It's like when that when it happens naturally you have to allow it. So no one can do anything to you that you wouldn't allow. So it is a different state of mind, but it's consensual. So you, you have to want to allow yourself to be in this other state. and so you know, people talk about, don't go into a trance because somebody is going to take over your brain or take over your mind. Brainwashing is different than hypnosis. And so the way I work and really any good hypnotist or hypnotherapist works is that if somebody wants to change. Something, a pattern, a fear, a habit, you know, and they're allowing the change. I get the information from them, what is it that you want? what is it that you don't want? But more importantly, what is it that you do want? So my clients tell me how they want to feel, how their life is going to be better. what is this change going to make a difference in your life in which ways? So I don't ever tell anybody. what they need, they tell me what they want, and then just going into a deeper state of relaxation, and then I take their words and give it back to them. Because who is a person going to listen to more? Like, you're gonna listen to yourself more. you know what you need better than I know what you need. Let's say you were deeply relaxed, and you were, I think people get nervous because they see stage like media.

Kara: 18:32

so what's the difference? I think back to like the, like fair, you know, the, it was at that time the Del Mar fair where they have these, you know, people, 10 people go up there and they do all this hilarious stuff and you're just like scratching your head like, is that for real? What is happening? This seems like, whoa. So yeah, talk about that a little bit.

Kim: 18:50

yeah. So when people see that, well, first there's, there's misconception. Like, are they faking it? So to be a stage hypnotist, it is hard to be a good stage hypnotist. Like they have to multi, and multi manage so many things at one time. And a really good stage hypnotist It happens so quickly, like a magician kind of, but they're able to determine who is going to be a good candidate to, suggestions and who's not. So they're immediately weeding out the people that are not going to be. allowing or accepting and, and they send them back to, you know, to their table or they get off the stage. So the people that are up there and that are experiencing or doing funny things are people that want to, they're allowing it. Like they want that to

Kara: 19:35

They want to be the funny person that everyone's laughing at.

Kim: 19:38

Yeah. Yeah. And, and so it's not,

Kara: 19:41

No, no wonder why they never picked me.

Kim: 19:44

yeah. So I was just going to say that, like, I'm super easy to hypnotize, but I'm terrible on the stage because I don't want. like that's not my thing. I really don't want to walk around doing ridiculous or silly thing. I guess it would depend on the forum, but I probably don't want to end up on social media looking, looking, looking, doing and saying things that, you know, that it's going to come back to haunt me. so, I can't go into a hypnotic state in that situation, but any other time I'm so easy to hypnotize. But the point is. you can't give someone suggestions to do something that they don't already want to do.

Kara: 20:25

Let me ask you this question. so one thing that I, you know, in the work that I do, oftentimes people will say they want something. And once we continue to explore it, it's actually what they think they should want. Not what they actually want. So my guess is that you come across that a lot as well, and because of that, there's this built in integrity piece of your whole being and body and mind, body, spirit that doesn't allow you to kind of lie to yourself. And that's where like the, I feel like the tool of hypnosis would be able to kind of. root out the thinking you want something and kind of dealing with that should mentality for so long and kind of cut to the like what you really deeply want. Is that true?

Kim: 21:10

Well, there's different pieces to that as well. Like, I have had clients, Tell me they want to quit smoking, to quit drinking, to quit a habit. But they really want that because their spouse tells them that like, you know, they don't really want it or their doctor tells them you need to quit smoking or this is going to happen. They really don't want to quit smokinG., And it won't work, it won't work. So I can't get them to do, and I won't take them as, as a client. Like in

Kara: 21:38

How do you sort that out? if,

Kim: 21:39

different questions. Sometimes it's simple. It's simply as, what do you like about smoking? Oh, I love it. I love it. I mean, they'll list 10 things that they love about it. What don't you like about smoking?

Kara: 21:50

My husband doesn't like it.

Kim: 21:52

money, maybe, or my wife is yelling at me, things like that, or, but you can definitely tell there's no inherent desire for change, or like a parent will bring their child to me and say, he, you know, he needs to be, pay attention in school more, but that's not what the kid wants. So, and I try, so I have to say to parents a lot, it can't, I know you see this as a need for him or her. However, if he or she doesn't see that as a need, and they just want to be liked, they just want to have friends. You know, and being funny in school is what's going to get them that, it doesn't, it's not going to matter what you, you know, what you want. It has to be what they want. So and you'll know, I mean, even if, if sometimes people are fooling themselves or, you know, they can believe sometimes someone can believe I really want this. But if there's no change happening, because change happens quickly in the unconscious mind, like it doesn't take long, sometimes things are gone in one session, but if you've done three sessions and there's no change, then you know, there's, there's something else.

Kara: 22:56

Yeah. There's more, more to look into. what else would you say or share to kind of like de, stigmatize, hypnosis?

Kim: 23:04

Yeah, I believe if everyone understood that most of our everyday behavior most of our behavior is Controlled by our unconscious mind Like, your left brain, conscious mind, really is not responsible for that much of how we use our brains. and everyone can relate to doing something repeatedly and then saying, What did I do that for? I don't even know why I did that. Why do I keep doing it? I know I need to X, Y, or Z. But I still keep doing it anyway. I know I need to stop, but I can't stop, you know, it's so all the things that we do habitually or as a pattern or on a loop is all unconscious because think if, if you could consciously stop eating the stuff you're not supposed to eat when you want to lose weight, or if you could consciously stop doing that thing that gets in your way all the time, you would stop it. You would stop it and it'd be done. Yeah. It eludes you because it's unconscious and you don't know where, what really, it's like, I look at it like this, the, the things that you do unconsciously, it's like there's an app running in the background and you have, you

Kara: 24:16

Mm hmm.

Kim: 24:17

it's on or, or what's there.

Kara: 24:21

Yeah. Yeah, no, definitely. it makes a ton of sense to me and I'm sure the long term listeners will like have a lot of this bring up familiar language that me or other guests have talked about, well, thank you for sharing. I find it, I find it very interesting. so thank you for sharing all of your experience. So you chose to focus really, I mean, I think you work with a lot of different people, but a population that you are particularly invested in supporting are special needs moms. So you saw this commonality amongst the moms, you shared a little bit earlier about how, you know, you could tell that they were grieving or angry or all these things. They probably weren't telling you with their words that that's what they were experiencing, but you were able to pick up on what I would describe as their being that was essentially oozing out the emotions that they were holding. So. I wanted to ask a little bit more about like, what other factors do you see as common traits amongst this mom community? Just as like your reflection, from the outside looking in, just to help with our own awareness of like, what are things that you saw as common signals that the moms were either grieving or angry or sad or all of the above?

Kim: 25:33

there's just so much right I mean, being a mom it's the hardest job there is. It's the best job, but it's the hardest job there is regardless, right? But then when you have one or more children who have needs, whether they're medically fragile or autism or behaviors or, you know, attention issues. and then let's say they need in their early years, probably therapy is coming to them in the home, like physical therapy, OTs speech. then you get to a certain point and then that's not happening anymore. So you need to maybe take the child out to those therapies. That's a lot or all the doctor's appointments or. nutrition. I there's just so many specialists that some of these kids need. and then, how many feelings go along with that? Like, two of my, Specialties as a speech pathologist were feeding, kids who were failure to thrive or kids who couldn't settle down to eat, or, you know, the real picky eaters who, are living on what, you know, cookies, like, you know, that's all they'll eat, or, my other specialty is kids with, hearing loss. In that there's guilt, you know, like the mom feels guilty, especially if the child won't eat. I mean, that's like a basic thing that every mom who, you know, if you can't nurse or feed your child or get your child to eat and you have to have like a speech therapist come in and that child will eat for the speech therapist, but not the mom. Wow. I mean, that's, that's terrible. I you know, the feeling of what, why won't he or she eat for me? It breaks your heart.

Kara: 27:11

hmm.

Kim: 27:11

so I mean, there's, there's sadness, there's guilt, there's frustration,

Kara: 27:15

exasperation.

Kim: 27:17

Yeah. And it's overwhelming. And then there's fear. Like, what's going to happen when there's no me, what happens to this child when my, my husband and I are gone also like, I didn't sign up for this. Then there's anger too. Like this sucks. This is not what I thought being a mom was going to be. It's hard. And so you're doing more crying, screaming, floundering, crying. than laughing and every mom wants to be that mom I don't know a mom that doesn't want to be the best mom ever or, you know, and have the moments of like hugging and laughing and, you know, silliness and playing when you get to play when you have all that

Kara: 27:58

hmm.

Kim: 27:59

and then you have the, you know, maybe I would see this a lot too with my friends, with kids, with their needs, but also in the homes that, Like the children that don't have needs are getting less attention because they don't need it.

Kara: 28:13

Not because they don't need it because there's a vacuum sucking all the attention somewhere else and it's not available to them, is what I would say.

Kim: 28:20

Not that they don't need attention, but they don't need the, the specialists or the,

Kara: 28:24

Yes, yes, yes,

Kim: 28:25

you know, they can eat, they can walk, they can talk. They don't, you know, they

Kara: 28:30

yeah, yeah. they will survive on their own as in the other one may not. so you see all these common factors, these commonalities amongst this community group. So what would you say, now with your expertise, and kind of what would you offer this community given what you can see from your perspective?

Kim: 28:48

Well, I would like to just, make the point that how I realized this could help was because I didn't have kids with special needs, but I had four kids. With a

Kara: 28:58

hmm.

Kim: 28:58

needs. So I mean, my, kids were not expecting us to go through a divorce. So, and they weren't expecting that their father was going to move three times in a year. so they didn't have special needs, but they had a lot of emotional needs inside of what happened and then I was running ragged, so I couldn't, I was doing the best I could, but you know, I wasn't present a lot of the time when I had to work and I had a left a lot of my own trauma. So I thought, let me, once I got certified my first certification, I thought, well, let me start. I want to see if this works for me I was a train wreck. that was the most miserable I was in my life. So I thought, well, I have been going to talk therapy forever and nothing was changing. So I thought, well, let's see. Cause I kept feeling like I don't have to live like this. I know I don't, but I don't know how to not. So I started doing the work of it for myself. And first I found like, I started with things that I knew I could get resolution quickly. I had a crippling fear of lightning and bugs bees I was making my own kids anxious by my anxiety, so I thought, well, let's see if this works. If I can not be terrified every time it lightnings. And, I got rid of those fears and it was easy. So then I thought, okay, well, let's see if I can fix. my terrible temper, you know, I was raging a lot and, just my moods. Like I, yeah, I was all over the place. that wasn't as, quick and easy cause I had a lot of trauma, but it worked, but it worked when I started realizing, Oh wow, I don't have to react to these things or I can be calm even when my world is falling apart, which happens a lot when you have two dogs and four kids and you're working multiple jobs, nothing goes as planned. But when I could stop, when I could be calm and I could laugh at that instead of scream and cry and throw things. And, you know, we used to. Just joke around and call me the Hulk, like mom's having another Hulk moment

Kara: 31:07

That's funny because my son, we call the Hulk very explosive. Yeah. Yeah.

Kim: 31:12

I get it. One, it doesn't feel good.

Kara: 31:14

It doesn't feel good. Yeah. And actually we talk about, there's a, I think of episodes in the past that I've done. I can't remember the name of them. I feel like there was a name that I really liked, but, talking about anger, mom anger and, Exploding and kind of like actually calling it like, Hey, let's not pretend like this is happening in secret anymore because one, your kids know. And two, it's more, I think a lot of the shame is around like how people like explode and how their anger shows up. And so, you know, shame, exists very well and stays alive well in secret. And so I like to talk about those things. And so I think it's really cool to have you share that. story that like, yeah, like this was how it was. I was very explosive. And what's beautiful is like you continued at it, you know, through the use of this tool that you have, to really change. And that's amazing.

Kim: 32:04

one time was, everything was going wrong and I remember I was, I was so out of control and my neighbor walked in, she came in the back door and I was in the middle of like a complete rage. And, you know, she asked me if I needed help, like if I needed to, to go to the hospital, I was like that out of control. It was so embarrassed, and I knew, like, I always knew, like, I need to do something about this because it's not good. And then you just feel so bad because it's not their fault. It's not the kid's fault. And, you know, and then I would, if that happened before school, all I could think about all day was now they have to go to school like that after. After all that happened, like how are they going to have a good day and are they even going to want to come home? That's what I would think a lot, you know, like maybe they want to go to someone else's house, not this one. and it wasn't okay with me. So I, I needed, I had to find a way to fix it. And once I realized that I, could feel different, but people don't know what they don't know. So I thought, well, if I could change, if this could get better for me, this could get better for anybody because It's not a conscious thing. You're not using conscious thought or willpower. you're really undoing,, there's so many emotional triggers, right? Because everyone has trauma and trauma doesn't have to be some big horrific thing. Trauma could be you're seven years old and your best friend moves away. And that was like the only friend you had, or, you know, trauma is like, it's simple. Think what happens in middle school when, you know, your best friend picks another friend and then you're left. That, I mean, that's a trauma.

Kara: 33:37

Yeah, I was like, I could list hundreds of traumas that, that a special needs moms go through. there's so many, and if you are a listener interested in more trauma, we did a series on trauma actually. It's so good. with my friend Megan. so go back to beginning of this year, and listen and learn more about like what you're pointing to. It's not the big T trauma necessarily. It can be all the little traumas that happen along the way. very much so. you learned for yourself. All that was possible. And. You had shared with me that you wanted to share a technique with this community that will allow moms, anybody, could be dads too, to go from what state they're in to a more grounded and calm state no matter what's happening around them. So I wanted to see if you would share that technique with us. and any background you want to give on it would be great

Kim: 34:26

absolutely. I feel like my clients tell me all the time when I ask them Do you meditate and every single one of them says I should or I want to but I can't

Kara: 34:38

I love that answer. I should.

Kim: 34:39

I should And I never wanted to meditate, but I kept getting told by people You should meditate and you know, like I would walk into a bookstore and it'd just be like talking to the cashier. And then he, you know, he would say something like, you know, you need to meditate, you'll be a lot calmer. And I kept getting that message, and I'm like, what does everyone see in me? Like that I need to meditate. And I did, I bought all these books, I, like, but yeah, like, there was, I, the universe was trying to tell me something.

Kara: 35:10

was definitely messaging like, Hello, please.

Kim: 35:15

but I'm like a, you know, I was always like a, a full throttle person, like sports, aggressive sports, like aggressive workouts, not, not yoga, not quiet. Like that just wasn't me. So I thought, I don't think it's going to work. I tried. I bought. A lot of books. I listened at that time to, recordings and I tried it. It's, my clients will always say, I can't stop my brain long enough in order to do it. So meditation doesn't have to be difficult. And so this, the thing I want to do today, it's actually, one of the techniques that I give parents inside of all the work that we do or in the complete protocol that I have. But it's called Hakalau and it's based in, a Hawaiian technique or principle, about party in your head. So it's literally about getting into a different headspace. But the great thing about it is that anyone can do it. I teach it to kids all the time. Parents can do it with kids. anyone can use it. it's not difficult and you can do it in 30 seconds. If you need to, you could do it in three minutes. It really, it's just, it's very quick and easy. It will definitely make you go quiet and it definitely will expand your awareness and it will take you in a quick timeline out of, out of the place that you're in. When you, but you need to recognize. I maybe need to calm down right now.

Kara: 36:41

Yeah. Yeah. You have to have that cue of like, now's the time where I need to do this technique, this tool.

Kim: 36:46

It's yes, but it's preventative. Like you can do it. That's what I love about it is it's easy. there isn't a person who can't do it and you can add to it. There's so many things you can add inside of it and you could make it more than it, than the simplified version, but really doesn't matter because it's just good no matter how you use it. You could do it preventatively. If you know you're going to be going somewhere with the kids to the grocery store or a birthday party and you're, you know, and you're on edge already because you're worried about how this is going to go. Is your child going to have a tantrum or is someone going to be mean to my child? And you're not sure how you're going to react. You're already on edge. Like, wouldn't you rather go into that in a different head space? So you could be calm about it. And then in a different space, like whatever happens, this is not. It's not a reflection of on me or my child. It's not. And we're still good. We're still okay. You know, and I can still be at peace, even if, this birthday party doesn't go the way I want it to, it helps you let go of wanting to control all those things as well because that's hard. It takes such a toll on your mind, body, soul. When you're constantly feeling like I need to fix this for this child or these kids. Like it's all on me. Everything, the weight of the world is on me. I can't fix it. And then you just want to control everything. But really the bigger lesson is about letting go of the need to control. So this is helpful. It's not the be all and It is just something that you can learn and you can do it easily. So anyone that's listening now, I like to go on YouTube because it's. easy and quick and you can just put in a meditation, just this like meditation music for calm or or Reiki music. Just get a calming,

Kara: 38:32

I just recently, and actually I was listening to this before you, I put spa music and Spotify and like there's a million lists. And so I was basically in the spa in my head.

Kim: 38:42

Yeah. But even, you know what? Honestly, you can change so much just by, I'm going to segue for one second. When I was working in a group home with, I was doing, speech therapy, but we were doing the, the group homes for adults with developmental disabilities. And then what happened during COVID was, you know, all these guys were out at their day programs all day. When it wasn't COVID, but then when they were cooped up together in these homes all day and all night, they all started fighting and dinner was a nightmare. And so they're asking the other speech pathologist and me, like, can you help us? Like what, what can we do at dinner? So they thought I was crazy when I said, change the energy in the house. Simple. Like, instead of keeping the TVs on and all the bright lights, why don't you turn the TVs off? Put on spa music in the background, dim lighting, not bright lighting, candles or whatever. Do whatever you need to do, even the fake candles, like the battery operated candles. But take all the sensory stimulation down, like 10 notches. Dinner's going to go better. And they all, they laughed. All the, like all the managers of the houses thought it was funny. they didn't want to do it. said, why don't we just

Kara: 39:55

They wouldn't. Interesting. They weren't into it. I'm like, I'm all in. I would definitely do that.

Kim: 39:59

Yeah. What do you have to lose? It's not going to be worse. Right. And then colors. Even you could do like change the colors of the placemats or the napkins, make them like light blue or calm, you know, calming colors, not red or, you know, like things that are going to hype people up. And so we had two homes out of all of them that said, you know, we'll do it. We'll volunteer. Let's see. We'll do it for a week. Let's see what happens. it was unbelievable. You could hear a pin drop when these guys were eating dinner. It went from screaming, yelling. throwing things, fighting over the dinner table to, they were just eating in peace.

Kara: 40:33

Their nervous systems were just like, thank you. Like we needed that. And we maybe didn't know how to communicate. What we needed. So I, that's great. that's a good little nugget. That's a bonus nugget that we have. So that's awesome.

Kim: 40:46

Yeah. the morning. It's, it makes getting ready for school in the morning much better when there's no TV, no tablets, no, there's no tech. It's just music, like quiet music and, you know, and change the lighting.

Kara: 41:02

love it. I feel like it could be used many different times in the day, like, or even like when kids get in the car for after school or get home from school, all the different things, especially now that we're, you know, it, it's a different time. at the time this recording is going to go live, it's going to be right in the height of, Christmas season for many people who celebrate Christmas. And a lot of that music honestly is very agitating to me, like my nervous system, like it's just too much for me. And so that could be something to consider too, of playing around with like what works in terms of all of the holiday stimulants. okay. you got to give it to us. What is the technique and how how

Kim: 41:35

So I do it? different every time. So I'm just thinking, so what we want to be, let's go with a feeling. So you would want to set an intention before you go into the, the Hakala state.

Kara: 41:48

Let me ask a question really quick. So a lot of my listeners are going to be driving or doing stuff like this. I'm guessing, I'm guessing this is something where like if you're driving, this would be something where you're not going to want to do this right now. So make sure you get to a safe place to do this five minute meditation.

Kim: 42:04

yes. So pull over if you're driving, you never want to do anything hypnotic while you're driving or doing anything that requires your attention because obviously you want to be in a different mind space. so let's say we're going to set an intention for comp. So I'm going to just, I'm going to explain a little bit about the way your eyes go for it. so you would want, ideally you want to keep your head level. Rather than looking up so you're not looking up you're raising your eyes up, but you're keeping your head and your chin level so so you're gonna pick a spot to look at where again your head staying level You're just gonna raise your eyes up not so it's painful But so you're looking up and then you're just gonna pick a spot and you're going to stare at that spot. So, you can do that now and then take a deep breath in and exhale out. And so you're just keeping your eyes glued on that spot. So your eyes are going to stay forward and then breathe in again, taking a deep breath in and exhale out, and you're still looking at that spot across from you. So if you could imagine that you're trying to see through that spot, like drill a hole in it. And take another deep breath in and exhale out. And then just imagine the word calm. And maybe you can imagine that word being written around that spot, calm. And in your imagination, maybe you see that word in a particular color or maybe it's in a script or a particular font. Or maybe the letters are really big or really small. But just notice what you see when you focus your eyes on that spot and you imagine calm. And then with your eyes forward, you're going to start to shift your attention peripherally. So you're going to become aware now of what you can see to the left and the right of you. Your eyes are still forward. But you're just shifting your attention peripherally, as as you can, left and right. And then breathe, calm. And so maybe now your focus is starting to get a little fuzzy. Your eyes are maybe starting to get tired or watery. But you're really expanding your awareness outward. So you're actually becoming aware. Not just of how quiet it is, but you're becoming aware of so much more that just 60 seconds ago was outside of your awareness. And so I'm just going to take this a little bit deeper. So if you choose to, you can keep your eyes open or if they're tired now, which they probably are, you can just close them down. And you can imagine yourself in a place that for you represents calm. So maybe that's by the water on a beautiful day at the beach, or it might be on a hike in the forest, or it may be at the top of a mountain. It could even be in your own backyard. It doesn't matter where it is. As long as when you are in that space, you feel calm. I mean, just imagine yourself there and you can imagine roots at the bottoms of your feet and roots at the base of your spine and roots at the palms of your hands and roots at the back of your skull. And imagine those roots growing and going down into the earth and you're still aware of quiet and calm. And as you focus on that space, wherever you are in your mind, you might begin to feel a sensation in the feet or the legs, maybe a vibrating or a temperature change or a tingling sensation that represents a healing energy of the earth. Just coming into filling the body, breathing in calm and healing, coming up through the feet. And at the same time, you can imagine a white light filtering down from skyward. A beautiful white light that has a warmth to it and a quiet and a calm. And the white light comes down and goes through the top of the head and just starts to gently flow down the body. And the white light just brings a sense of quiet and calm and peace. And as that white light flows all the way down the arms, down the spine, down the legs, and then comes out the feet. Just imagine that you become, encompassed by that white light. So now you're inside a bubble of white light. So it really doesn't matter about the noise or the chaos or the stories or any of the excess stimulation that's happening outside because inside That bubble, you are safe and peaceful and calm. And inside this bubble, you can just take a moment to picture, just picture the eyes or the face of your child, your children or your family in the vibration of love and really feel that connection of quiet. Calm and love regardless what happens out there. And just breathe that in. And then just know and remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. You're doing an amazing job and that nobody can do this job for this child or these children better than you. And then just breathe in love and calm. And then whenever you're ready, you can open your eyes and whatever it is you're going to next. You're now in a different space.

Kara: 49:53

what a beautiful journey. I love the power of guided meditations. Hmm.

Kim: 49:59

And you can do that for yourself because you don't really even need words. You just need, imagine, set your intention. Imagine your own word. It might not be calm in every minute. It might be, confidence or it might be

Kara: 50:16

Mm

Kim: 50:17

quiet, might be happiness. it doesn't matter what it is, but the powerful part of it is putting your, your focus on that thing, that spot in front of you and then shifting your peripheral vision. So your attention goes peripherally and then just breathe. Even if you just did that for five breaths, you're already in a different space because you're taking yourself outside the moment.

Kara: 50:45

Yeah. Well, I think it's like, it takes a lot of focus, I found to really intently focus with your eyes and be that present in the focus. And I think probably there's a lot to what it takes to do that asks you to take your attention off of everything else, except for that. And that when you focus that you could actually experience like the calmness in the present moment. in your body. And, that was really neat. I'm thankful that this is a recording that we can bookmark and go back to as a tool, to be able to actually have your voice guide through that meditation. I really. you know, my former career being in horticulture, I love a good, you know, rooting,

Kim: 51:27

Yeah, for sure.

Kara: 51:29

I love a good rooting, exercise for all the reasons. no, but especially that you share this as a Hawaiian, has a Hawaiian origin and just picturing, I don't know the name of the trees in Hawaii, but they have like the roots that come down like from everywhere and root into the ground. I guess they're maybe not roots. I don't know what they are. but, How cool is that? So thank you very much for sharing that.

Kim: 51:50

You're welcome. In addition, your listeners can access my, created a hypnotic, meditation. It's called, the peaceful parent. So, I can share that with you as well, and it's just a download. So, They can just click on the link and have that available for a download. And it's always, it's really great. There's a lot of good suggestions in there that remind parents that nobody's perfect. You don't have to be perfect. It's not about being perfect. helps you. That download really helps you, connect with what you love about your child, right? Cause it's, it's easy to get out. It's easy to get so caught up in all madness of all the things that you need to do, especially if you're working.

Kara: 52:28

especially for those of us who have children that have a lot to them. A lot to them, meaning there's a lot of things that our children do that we don't love. and so, Reconnecting to who we love and to how much we love them and to the experience of loving them. I think that can be so powerful. So that could bring us on a whole nother tangent. I want to, be mindful of your time. And again, just thank you so much for, The gift that you are, that your heart to share, your passions with this community. And we will definitely have the link to the resource that you shared on the show notes for people that want to download that. And as we kind of close down this conversation, is there anything left that you want to share as we wrap up?

Kim: 53:14

you said something that I think is really important that if you have a child that has maybe a lot of things that they're doing that you as a parent don't necessarily like or, or even understand, right? Because if your child has a lot of sensory needs or, and is nonverbal, they're using their sensory system to help regulate them. And so they're maybe engaging in behaviors that you don't understand. and so it might be annoying, right? It like, why are they doing that? it's annoying. but remember every behavior has a purpose, right? doing, a lot of these behaviors that happen. They're not doing these behaviors to annoy anybody. And I will tell you what I noticed. Myself being the train wreck working with a lot of kids with autism and I love working with kids with autism. I love them and they love me, but what I've learned as a speech pathologist, is that, and as being a mom. These kids are so amazing. So intuitive. They're so their sensory systems are so they know before you even leave your house, they can tell if you're going to be in a good mood or not. They know it from the parking lot. So when I'm off, they're off. And when I'm calm, they're calm. I saw it so many times with them that I would come in with a happy face. and I would come in, like I want to play and always, they knew I love them. But if I wasn't in a good space, then they were going to be off. They were going to have behaviors. But if I did something to ground myself or to calm myself before I went in, and I would do it just to play around with it because I thought, man, I'm crazy. This is, I don't think this is really a thing, but it is. And so I would try and see, you know, what happens if I'm off, what happens if I'm not. So, and I'm one person in their life for a half hour or an hour, right? But I would notice the difference when I was good. in a good place, they would be phenomenal. They would even talk sometimes like I would have sessions that were all unreal. So think about that too. a lot of times it's not them. it's us.

Kara: 55:24

want to emphasize, I know we're closing an episode, but you said, if I was good, like they were good and I paraphrased, but what I want to emphasize here is that it didn't mean that. in that moment before you walked into that room, that everything in your life was set perfectly. It meant that you took a moment to ground yourself and be good in the moment, be present in the moment, be grounded. And I think that that's, it's something I want to really make clear because, and I think that's why so much of this is so much more accessible than we recognize is because we don't have to go fix everything. to be able to be fixed and calm in our body. And so I don't know if you have any comment on that, but, it's worth the time and energy I guess is the thing that both of us clearly align on.

Kim: 56:07

Absolutely. And I have a very empathic daughter who one day said to me when she was, 12, I thought here, I'm being happy. I'm singing, taking her to school and I'm singing. So I'm thinking we're, you know, I didn't even recognize how off I was inside and I know I see her moving closer to the door and I said, what are you doing Jordan? And she said, I don't know what's going on with you today, but whatever it is, it's affecting me. Like I said, what? I'm in a good mood. And she said, not on the inside, you're not. And I said, really? Like she felt it. I, and so that's a child that can talk, right? That can tell you. So,

Kara: 56:42

Yeah.

Kim: 56:43

And so, and just know these little ones feel everything. So when you can just do that, about, it's not about being perfect and you don't have to be happy if your world is crashing, you just need to calm

Kara: 56:57

Yeah.

Kim: 56:58

and it's not about fixing anything. It's just about being more in a a love vibration rather than a fear. you know, and we could, we could spend a whole nother hour on that, but the grounding will

Kara: 57:08

here. I think a good. Yeah. I think a good name for the episode is you just need to get calm and I'm not joking. I just feel like, I mean, it sounds so direct, like you just need to get calm, but we all just need to get calm and it's accessible to us, I think is what we've proved here today. Well, Kimberly, thank you so much for giving us your time and your energy and your giftings. I really appreciate it. Oh

Kim: 57:34

enjoyed this. Yeah This was really fun. Thank you so much. You're great. And thank you. again. I mean you're doing great work

Kara: 57:42

thanks again. Have a good evening.