The Special Needs Mom Podcast
The Special Needs Mom Podcast
Feeling the Holiday Magic & Mess: A Community Huddle
In this special holiday community huddle, we dive into:
🎄 Managing Holiday Chaos: Moms share how they handle busy schedules, unexpected challenges, and finding balance.
🌟 Finding Magic: From little rituals to joyful connections, we talk about creating calm in the chaos.
💌 Intentions for the Season: Our guests share personal goals to embrace the season with peace and joy.
It’s a heartfelt chat full of tips and inspiration to help you navigate the holidays. You’re not alone—there’s magic in the everyday moments!
Special thanks to guests Anika, Alyssa, Angela, and Lisa for their contributions.
Episode Mentioned: Episode 204 "Doing Hard Things Without Suffering"
Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/
Join the Community:
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Hi, I'm Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible. And the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the special needs mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flair of possibility. In your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone, or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome.
Kara:Welcome to the special needs mom podcast community huddle for December. So I'm going to give a little context of what this conversation is for those of you maybe just finding the podcast. This is, it's been a monthly call that I, well, my intention has been doing it monthly and I think I'm on my third month in a row. So, you know what? I'm going to pat myself on the back because that is, you know, not as easy as one might think. So it's essentially, a community call. It's where we get to actually be together. It's where rather than me speaking at you through the podcast, it is me getting to speak with you. And I love that. And so. This call is open to any listener. All you have to do is get on the old email list that is available via the show notes. So you're all welcome. We'd love to see you in January. I send one or two emails, it depends on how organized I am, about signing up. So that's what we're doing today. And the theme of the call, or I guess the guided conversation is going to be centered around how to find calm during a chaotic season. So we're going to talk about that today. And we're going to start with introductions so that all of you listening can have a little context for who you're listening to as we each share our unique perspectives and experience and, victories and challenges. So I will start with an introduction. And, my name's Kara. I'm the host of the special needs mom podcast. I have four children aged, let's see, seven to 17, three boys and a little girl. I'm talking to y'all from San Diego, California. And just a couple of words to describe my child's disability, he's my 15 year old. He has hemiplegia, a handful of hormone conditions, and another big handful of brain based disabilities as he is a survivor of multiple brain tumors. So that is just a snapshot of who I am and, where I'm coming from. I will call on y'all to introduce yourselves so, okie dokie. So, yeah. Anika, will you go first?
Anika:Sure. my name is Anika Atkins. I have one child, who is 10 and a half, my daughter Ella. I live in Dana Point, California, more specifically, Capistrano Beach. And Ella is diagnosed with infantile Pompe disease and was diagnosed at, two and a half months of age.
Kara:Thank you for being here. Alyssa.
Alyssa:All right. My name is Alyssa Meyerhofer. I live in Minnesota with my husband, Adam. He farms. I work as a nurse. I have three kiddos. I have a first grader, preschooler, and Gabby is two. And Gabby has trisomy 9P. very rare. So, we're kind of in that rare community, which this online support is a huge benefit to us.
Kara:Awesome. Yeah. Thanks for being here, Angela.
Angela:Hi, I'm Angela O'Brien. I live in Dallas, Texas, and I have two, adult ish, kids. My oldest is 23 and is out of the house working. Hallelujah. And my second, is my daughter. She just turned 21. We celebrated her 21st birthday and she has Down syndrome.
Kara:Lisa, would you please introduce yourself? Hi,
Lisa:I am Lisa. I have two daughters who are young adults now in their twenties and my younger one has intellectual disability, cerebral palsy, and very well controlled epilepsy. I am the host of another podcast called Love Doesn't Pay the Bills, all about caregiving. I'm in Oregon.
Kara:Well, thank you so much and nice to have you here, Lisa. We have a lovely range of ages. We go, you know, from two to twenties. So I love that we have a spectrum. of ages and of course a huge spectrum of disabilities. So let's talk about our experience as moms. And you know, think it's important to acknowledge if we did not have children with disabilities, we would probably still be able to have a very meaningful conversation around handling the chaos. I mean, I think that's just I was talking to a friend and I was, you know, that was kind of a theme of the thing. It's like, there's a lot going on. There's a lot added, a lot that we want to be added. And then some things we don't want to be added. Like I'm thinking of not having the support of school. I don't think a lot of us want that to be added necessarily. Or I guess taken away. But as with many things, I think there's the added complexity that we hold as moms. And so I wanted to start the conversation about what for each of you, and of course, only share if you, you feel that you don't have to speak kind of add, add to, or contribute to making this season or this month feel chaotic for you.
Anika:I can go, this is An n, for me, as I look at this time of year, I It comes many times with sort of a medical emergency. in the last three years, that has been a component to my holiday, and I'm sure there's other, people listening that understand that. And so, there is an anxiety that sort of starts to form around the holiday that, is different than I would imagine other people carry. but I am determined this holiday to not lead with If that makes sense,
Kara:tell me more about that. What do you mean by that?
Anika:Well, so I've worked through not revisiting sort of, okay, last Christmas we were in the hospital or or two Christmases ago. We miss Ella's, Ella's birthday is also in December. So we miss birthday. We miss Christmas. because we were, you know, I'm going to look at this as we're starting a new, I, you know, I, I know last year I was anxious and I was like, I don't want to say I was like, creating this, but in a way I was like, we're going to be sick, man. I know it's going to happen again. I just gearing up for that. Push aside family events and just get prepared for that next hurdle. and, and this year I am working towards, you know, no, it can be a completely different picture. I am much more at peace with whatever comes. and letting it be present for the moment and not leading with anxiety. Does that make sense?
Kara:Yes. Thank you so much for clarifying. And it's kind of maybe even jumping ahead. However, I think it's so good to point out the difference and the distinction that you like created for yourself. So well done. Good work. it's reminded me of an episode called, doing hard things without suffering.
Anika:Yes, that's exactly what came. That was one of, the episodes you did that had a huge impact to my frame of thinking today. because it just, spoke to the fact that hard things doesn't mean it has to destroy joy. Destroy the memories, the magic of what I love about holiday season.
Kara:Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You're not living inside of already suffering that she's gonna get sick and be miserable about that. You're really living in that like trust that like if she gets sick, We'll deal with it. But right now in this moment, she's not. And so really, it's like a fight for that joy. And I think it's really, you know, I don't know if those two words go together great, but it's, it's beautiful. So well done. Okay. So, kind of back to the original question, it was kind of, what do you experience? What are the specific kind of causes or experiences that you have in kind of chaos in this season? So who else would like to share? Alyssa? I'll go next. Yeah.
Alyssa:so I did the last month's huddle and I was, I knew this when I saw your email, I was like, Oh, I'm really, you know, like busy this week, especially. And then I saw the title and I was like, Oh my God, I have to deal with this because it's just too fitting. Right. So, this season, I've done a couple of things. So I decorated early for Christmas. I've never been a like decorate before Thanksgiving person. And I did like mid to early November, which is actually has provided me like so much joy, like a lot more joy and like relaxation and I don't have the stress that I normally have in December. So like pre thinking about that from last year, that really helped me. so that was a big thing, but then also, so this week, tomorrow. I have my preschoolers, Christmas program at 11 in the morning at tomorrow at 1 30 to four, we're throwing a birthday party for my first grader at our house. Oh, so that's going to be in our shop. So planning ahead, that's also not in our house. It's like in our shop. So thinking ahead a little bit about that. And then my mom's surprise 70th birthday party is tomorrow night at like a rush hour. And there's a looming snow ice storm coming to just sprinkle a little
Kara:magic all over the season.
Alyssa:Like two to four inches, plus maybe a little ice. So that is just kind of like looming over there. but like Annika said you also get those unexpected things that pop up. So I know last month I talked about so, Gabby with Trisomy 9, she's got a lot of, like, she has diastasis recti, so her abdomen is not, like, closed completely. And it's really, I think, affecting, like, her constipation issues, and so we had cleaned her out last month, and we had an x ray this morning, and we've been on this, we've got poop charts going, and all this stuff. And my husband and I were both like, okay, we're gonna get this x ray done. You know, just we have an appointment next week. All is going to be fine. I got the extra results this morning and she's like full of stool again. And we were not expecting that at all. So that was kind of like, Whoa, you know, like just can't believe it. So like, I don't know what that's going to entail, but. You know, that's, I'm, I'm worrying about that on like, Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, when we have our appointment, I'm just gonna like, leave it, but we didn't see that coming, so that was kind of like, I don't know what that's gonna entail. But then, also because Gabby's in like that early intervention stage, plus we're getting set up on like a waiver. Oh, well, it's not a waiver. It's a Medicaid program that's new in Minnesota. And so, just with all of that stuff, we have like 13 appointments in three weeks with just her. So that's like, you know, so much and like learning a new process for that Medicare program. And then I'm actually writing a book and I published it. We, I love it. I'm just going to do that on the side, like, yeah, I picked our official like publishing date as March 4th. So that happened this week too. And then also this week, I had coffee with a really special friend. Who's also going through a lot. And, I was anxious when I went and I was like, you know, with all this stuff going on, maybe I shouldn't be going to coffee with this person. You know, like I just, you know, have so much I should be doing. And then I went and the conversation was like so good and so soothing for my soul. And I just felt when I left there, I was like, Oh my gosh, I feel like so good right now. And just that, like, unexpected, like, little thing was, like, such a, you know, kind of relief. Like, it really is going to help me going into the weekend.
Kara:Yeah. Yeah. So I hear for you, I don't want to say busyness, but fullness in terms of like a lot of things on your calendar, which I think happens to a lot of us. A lot of things on your calendar is one of the contributors to chaos. But I also hear that connection is, what's making it all matter. So I want to highlight that I think it's sometimes easy to squeeze out the things that matter most to do it all. Or there's many reasons we do that. But good example of why letting go of some of the busy or doing stuff really kind of gets us what we're looking for. So, yeah, Thank you for sharing. All right. Anybody else?
Angela:Yeah. Go ahead, Angela. I'll go. so yeah. You know, I'm not in the early intervention stage, thankfully. I've been there. I've so been there and I remember it like it was yesterday. So, I feel for you, but you know, she's luckily been pretty healthy right now. So, But one of the things that I have really tried to, do the last several years, and part of this is because, I started doing professional organizing here in Dallas, and it made me realize how much stuff we all have. And so I have become sort of, I have very much a minimalist life view now, and so, I let things go. If we don't get Christmas cards out, we don't get Christmas cards out. If, she gets sick and we have to change our plans, and I heard this on another podcast. I just lean in. Like, I just have to, we have to go with it and, I think, and I, I will say, I mean, COVID was horrible. It was so awful going through all of that. But one of the things that I learned from that was letting go of my expectations of what was to come and all the hype around everything. And so like if things have to change and plans have to change, then I just, we just deal with it. My daughter will say something funny because she doesn't like when plans change and she'll say, mom, don't give me bad news. And we try not to, but we're like, well, sometimes honey, plans change and we just have to go with it, you know, so it's, but we joke to each other, let's not give each other bad news. But if we do, we just, we just have to roll with it. So I've just tried to lean in and let go.
Kara:Okay, so for you, what I'm hearing actually is like that you're not currently experiencing a lot of chaos because you've been a very effective in minimalizing and also like have practiced this pivot ability. And I think also a lot of reframing where it's like your daughter saying, don't give me bad news, which means I'm sure that you're like, okay, how do I reframe this to where it's like, You know, I don't know. It's I think there's probably a more like nice way to say this, but the shit sandwich where it's like that, you know, like this is more of like a corporate thing, right? But like, but like a little bit like that, right? Okay, well, we can't go to this, but we whatever. It's all about that reframing. But for us to make that space for children, we have to be able to reframe it for ourselves first, right? So that's a skill, alright Lisa anything to add in terms of your experience
Lisa:yeah, so I'm in a position similar with Angela that things are not so chaotic anymore, at least not in terms of the actual experience right now this year I definitely relate to the conversation about Pivoting and, what was said earlier, about that anticipation, that something will go wrong. I think it was Alyssa, that, kind of holding your breath feeling and, and being in the past experiences that were so tough. And I get that really big time around just the fact of winter break happening. And, oh my gosh, I am on now for several weeks. Yeah, and I think it's so important to not add, it's like, when you tell yourself certain things about the feelings you're having, you build on top, on top, on top, on top, these like more and more and more difficult layers, where as opposed to if you just have the experience, like back then if I maybe were better at having the experience. taking the walk and yelling into the woods and whatever you need to do to like go through it right then it tends to not come up so much anymore and it tends to not build those layers So that you're more free to handle whatever it is in this moment
Kara:Yeah, definitely. And I appreciate that you brought up what I'm going to nickname here today, winter break woes, because yeah, I think that, well, what I'll say is this last summer for us was a very big, I don't know, I guess wake up call, or it was the kind of experience that I said, we can't do that again. Like that did not work. And so, you know, essentially, winter break is a little miniature summer break, right, where we have all of a sudden no structure and no support as compared to having kids in school full time. So let's have that lead us into the next question. We've all had varying degrees of success with calming the chaos, you know, we're all still human. We are still living the life. We do become overwhelmed. So the question I want to discuss is, first, how do you recognize when you are becoming overwhelmed and what are your go to strategies for grounding yourself?
Anika:What I am doing this season is I am actually preparing myself, with, getting acupuncture, doing some things, preemptively. I even have a little bag together of some things that I know ground me. So I'll leave and show you, I have this like little scented spray. I spray over myself and it sounds ridiculous, but for me, it brings a sense of joy in the moment and I have it. So I have these little tools that I, that work. I love the song, amazing grace. So I'll put that on. those little, little moments, little pieces of joy are really what pull through like those moments. I mean, I even have a little stone I keep in my pocket that kind of reminds me to stay grounded. And I'm focused on finding the joy in the moment. Like, Elle and I do that a lot. We could be anywhere. We'll be She got the flu shot yesterday. And I kind of knew it was She's had a lot of trauma around medical experiences. And so, you know, she can do a lot of things, but somehow And a vaccine. It's like super traumatic. So I'm like, of
Kara:all the things you've been through for this to be the challenging thing for you, but go ahead.
Anika:Knock this out. But so I was sort of trying to walk through that. And, and so we started to focus on specific things. So she was concentrated looking at my eyes and knowing my eye color and like touch and feeling things in that moment. And I know that's a very, a common concept in therapy, especially around trauma, but it is true to like find those grounding things. So it's like, is it like sight, sound, smell, touch? I just have my little, and that's the other one tastes right. so those are the techniques I take with me, but I was kind of amazed going back to the experience yesterday. Cause it's like my little mini test of getting through a stressful moment that you know, likely be things that we'll experience through the holiday. But, you know, we were proud of ourselves. We made it through like, you know, it was hard. We had tears and a little bit of frustration, but then we kind of laughed about it. And that's, so in visualizing how I want this season to go, that's what I want to, focus on in those tough moments. It's like, okay, you know, I can ground myself And, and that's where I struggle being in the moment. Cause I carry a lot of trauma from the past, that I. work through with the therapist heavily. but I, I don't want to take that into the season. That's just not part of my Christmas season.
Kara:Yeah. gosh, I love it. I kind of picture you as a, you know, you described this bag that you have like this actual equipment, right? No, no, no, no. It's like, I, I picture you as a, like a, a mom preparing like a pregnant mom. That's never given birth. It's got a bag packed, ready to go whenever she needs it. Whenever she feels that first. ping of labor, but the, if you think about that kind of, preparedness, like the loving, like thoughtfulness that that bag was prepared with and how you've done the same thing for yourself of like, you literally have equipment, like actual tangible equipment that you have anticipated is going to support you. In the moments that you need it. And so I love it. And it's even more
Anika:like, it's like a ritual and spiritual thing for me. Yes. By creating that, to me it feels like, you know, I believe in the Holy Spirit, so I take with me what he is creating for me to get through those moments. And so I, another little funny thing is Ella and I went to CVS and we found these like, Little bits of, Christmas lights. It's our battery pack thing. she really wanted this. And I'm like, you know, of all the things that we could find for the Christmas holiday, that's what she wanted. But the reality of it is I'm brilliant because we can take that anywhere we could be any anywhere we could even be at the doctor's office and pull out our little Christmas lights. Like, honestly, it just felt to me, oddly, Like a spiritual moment, just like, oh, aha, you know, that, that these are things that we can do to prepare ourselves for whatever comes and we're going to find joy and laughter and, you know, some tears too, but it all was part of it.
Kara:Yeah. maybe I just had an idea to add to your bag. A candle, obviously, well, not obviously, perhaps battery charged because, You mentioned the Holy Spirit. I feel like the symbol of a candle lighting a flame is often a symbol for the Holy Spirit, right? For you being able to put your candle on to help you connect to the presence of the Holy Spirit in those moments where you need it, that reminder the most. So maybe add a, A fake candle. I think that's
Anika:brilliant because the flame to me is just calming and feels to me as close, good visual of, yeah, that's awesome. And you can pull that out.
Kara:I'm like picturing you with it on like the exam table at a doctor's appointment. They walk in, you got your lights on. I got my lights, I
Anika:got my spray. I'm just like, you know, nothing will get me down here. No. And you know what? I think one of the gifts we have In medical situations, and this is an off topic, but is we as parents can really lead and almost educate the staff. It's like you could show them that this experience for my child doesn't have to be like anxious, sterile. lacking connection. And, we can provide that. I don't know if, if me bringing out my ritualistic spray is going to totally, they might think I'm a little nutty, but,
Kara:they're going to probably want to grab it from your hands and spray it all over themselves. What
Anika:is that smell?
Kara:okay. Thank you so much for sharing. Okay. So let's see. What are we even answering? We're we're talking about when we get overwhelmed, how do we it and what are our go-to strategies for grounding ourselves? So who else has something that they would like to, add?
Alyssa:and so ways that I recognize it is I carry a lot of stress in my jaw.
Speaker 6:Mm-hmm
Alyssa:So I can just feel it, like, you know, if I'm stressed out, it'll get really tight. And that's how I, like one of the main signs that I know that I'm really stressed out, I actually went to, I don't know if you, if anybody follows finding Cooper's voice, more than a project is her nonprofit. And I went to the retreat and I did a yoga class that they had. And one of the things that they suggested was putting your tongue and. Going around like your teeth, so like this, and just kind of moving it over your teeth and like keep doing it and that helps. It's really interesting how it like helps you I'll do it at night sometimes on my way to bed, like I'm going to bed. So I think that is one thing that I can kind of like do in the moment. But then also I, like, just feel, like, anxious in general, like, and, like, my chest or just, like, overall, you can just tell that I'm, like, anxious. things that I have done more recently include, writing things, write, if I want to do something, like, writing it on my calendar, because I feel like we're so busy right now. Like, tomorrow I have, make Christmas cookies. Okay, this is my plan. So I don't plan, try not to, like, Plan other things that I know that's going to take like an afternoon or something, or like wrap gifts. I had that on my calendar a few times this month where it was like, okay, so I'm dedicating some time to that. So I think that really helped me. I think I've mentioned before, I use like a gratitude journal and then like a devotional, which I think is really helpful, like just to set my morning. Like I do that without like, before I get up in the morning with my kids, I think that helps me be a better mom. Napping. I love naps every day if I can, when I don't work. So that's one of my main things. And then also I love to like buy an ornament every year, like a meaningful Christmas ornament every year. And I like to put that on my tree. And then just like looking at my tree. So like a couple weeks ago when I was like super stressed out. about just like everything that was like gonna happen in the next three weeks. I just sat in front of my Christmas tree and it's on my landing. So it's not like there's like a couch or anything by it. Just sat on the floor, just kind of hung out there for, you know, 20 minutes. And it just like, kind of just like looking at the length and just, Sitting there alone just kind of like helped me like, calm down a little bit.
Lisa:Dokie, Lisa. Yeah, I love all the focus on, your physical senses, because that really can be helpful. super helpful. for me, it's not so much in the moment. I'm pretty terrible, honestly, at recognizing in the moment. Often, it's like, I see a reaction from somebody else. That's what clues me in, in a moment. what I will say is, exercise, Also a physical thing, but moving my body physically on a regular basis means that those moments happen far less often. I can go a very long period of time without them. if I'm doing that exercise, you know, at least three times a week, it doesn't have to be super strenuous. It doesn't have to be anything crazy, but like. walking outside for a half hour, on a regular basis. It's not like I go on the one walk and boom, my attitude necessarily changes so much from when I left the house. But, I definitely notice over, you know, a week or two weeks, a big difference with physical movement.
Kara:Yeah. I want to jump in and add there because I, In November, I kind of started walking. you know, I have the fortune of living in an area where there's a lot of pretty hills behind my house and with paths and whatnot and a gorgeous view and, probably not as wooded as yours. however, still gorgeous. You know, I get to see the ocean way far off, but, I just started walking and I was like, I'm just going to try to every day during Thanksgiving week. Then as I approached December, I was like, you know what, I'm going to just keep on walking. I'm just trying to walk every day. And then I was like, you know what, I'm going to make a goal of walking every day in December. And it was really interesting because I told one of my friends here about it. I'm trying to get her to, you know, jump on the bandwagon with me. And then she sent me this app of like step Walker or step counter type things. You know, this is a common thing. And what I noticed is that it was like the, the competition normally is like kind of fun. Right. But I was like, you know what? It triggered my like insufficient, like I'm not doing enough pretty quickly. Cause I found myself like literally walking around a hotel, like trying to get my steps up and I wasn't necessarily enjoying it. It was not a very good experience. No, and, and I was like, okay, notice where you lost the joy of this, where you lost the ease. And so I told my friend, I'm like, you do you, you do the step counter. I'm not going to be paying attention to that because my commitment to myself was to do this particular walk. It's about a half an hour. So even last night, my son was at an appointment. and Rather than sit there and watch him or play on my phone. I was like, I'm going to go outside and walk I was like, yeah, so committed and so yay because I actually think to what you just said Lisa, I think having the regularity has been a big difference and it's almost like, you know, if we go take out the trash one day It's you know, we took out the trash that day. It's not gonna I mean In these, there's more trash tomorrow, right? Like, we have to do that continually because I think the stress that we carry in our lives, it has to get taken out every day, if you will. And that regular maintenance, and I think, Annie, I think you mentioned this earlier, like, it's that proactiveness. is getting ahead of it. Not that that's going to make everything joyous all the time, but that it makes it so that we then have this margin and this capacity, this sponginess to be able to then really be that resilient force versus kind of have it take us down, which I know we've all been there too. And that's okay. But, you know, that's why we're talking about What we have from a higher intention kind of place
Lisa:habits over one particular heroic moment. Yeah. Yeah.
Kara:Definitely. Okay. So as we wrap up this conversation, I want to have us end with deciding on the intention we want to set for the rest of the season. So we. The five of us are having this conversation, middle of December, it's going to be coming out Christmas day. So it'll be kind of cool because you guys can listen to it and be like, how did I do? but for those of you listening on Christmas day, consider that, you know, this is not just for the season, right? This might be for how you complete, the rest of that, winter break. And how setting an intention, even if it's, it's not like life shattering, you know, what Lisa said, it's like not one herodic moment. It's that, how are you going to show up for yourself every day? So take a second to think about it if y'all need to, but what would be the intention you have to navigate the holidays? And I'll start, I actually haven't done a lot of reflection on this, but even just during this conversation, kind of thinking about, How I'm experiencing the season and I'm noticing that it takes a little bit of intention for me to stop doing the busy things or the productive things or like work things to go embrace some of the special things about this season. So my oldest son happens to be having some friends over this afternoon evening and he wanted to make cookies like, you know, like do decorate cookies. And I was like, how cute is that? So said cookies need to be made and that's one of those things where I can very easily not suffer through it, but like be stressed, have to get it done, you know, not enjoy it. And so the intention for me, I think not having great words around it, but it's just to kind of. invite myself into the enjoyment of the season versus the, I guess we could call it just the stress or the busyness of the season. And so after this call, actually, I'm going to go turn on some Christmas music and bake cookies all by myself. How great will that be? I've never done this without children. I'm like, this is going to be so loving and organized. No, but yeah, it's like really, For me, kind of just summarizing, it's not missing out on the little opportunities I do have. hopefully that gives you some time to think how each of you or any of you would answer the question for yourself.
Anika:this is Annie again, my intention for myself is to find magic, find magic every day. And what does that mean? I mean, it just means, you know, like the twinkle of the Christmas lights or the smile that a friend that you haven't seen, the hug you get from a relative that was unexpectedly showing up, just, you know, that's my intention. So I'm just putting it out there and we'll see what comes of that. And then I had one other for my family. so it was different because I did one personally for myself and this would be for my family. And that is to, my intention for this season is to say something that I appreciate, about that person, to them, to their face.
Kara:I love that. So my clients have taken a second to say things to my face, just about the impact of our work together. And it has been so meaningful. anyhow, that's a very side note. Finding magic. I love that. Thank you.
Anika:On that last note on the family thing too, and I think you were saying it, I think because of our stresses that we tend to forget, I mean, to recognize the other people and that are part of the journey. So for me this season, I'm opening myself up to be more, cognizant of that and then making sure that they know that it's meaningful.
Kara:Yeah. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I love that. All right, Angela, you were going to share something.
Angela:So I had kind of an epiphany last weekend when we were on our birthday trip for my daughter, you know, and I'm in a situation where Right now my son is out of the house. He's living out of the house and we don't get to see him that often. We have to go visit him for Christmas because he doesn't have enough time to take off. So we don't have that kind of two week break that we used to have when he was in college. And so it's really focused on her and we, on this last trip that we took, we really just took our cues from her. We really were just like, well, we could do this or this. And then we're like, well, why don't we ask Casey what she wants to do? And, It really added to the fun of it because she was more invested in it. And I want to carry that forward this holiday season because she, she loves Christmas. She loves Santa. She is so excited for it. She's 21 and she still is just all in. Right. And so why not make it about her? And so I really am trying to kind of, follow her lead. Like she has a Christmas dance tonight at her school and we're going to go with friends and, you know, do all that stuff. And it could, you know, there's part of me that's just like, Oh, I really would just like to sit on the couch after the long week, but no, we're going to go and enjoy, it is actually a really fun night for her. And so we're going to make it fun. And so I just think. I'm trying to really just focus more on you know, let her lead us, in this particular season, especially when she's the only one in our home right now. Excuse me.
Kara:I think that's one of the gifts that some of our children give, give us is that like the, The words that come to my mind as you describe that is your daughter's gift is leading you to joy and like that is who she is, you know, in terms of like she embraces these things in a way that helps you experience more of it. And how cool is that? So, leading us to joy. So. I love it. Okay, Alyssa.
Alyssa:so I think my intention is just like finding beauty in the season, especially like with the snow that's going to come this weekend and just taking things like slow and having like meaningful connections. Connection is what, I'm an extrovert, so like connection is like a really big thing for me with people, connecting with people. But also I've learned that I think sometimes when I'm so busy, I just need some alone time and I just like don't want to talk to anybody and kind of finding that balance. But also like, you know how I mentioned taking it slow. So this year we're doing Christmas Eve with my in laws and then Christmas day. We're just gonna stay at our house with the kids and we did that during COVID and it just made me appreciate how much like not being able to do That in the past. It was just like I really like not even having to get up early and make food and get all these kids, you know, get the kids ready and get out the door and be at this person's house by, you know, such and such time, like just taking it slow. The kids can open their gifts, they can play, like we'll probably make some food. I have no idea what we're making, you know, like it's not going to be anything extravagant by any means, but just really like. Phone home and then, my family always celebrates off the holiday. So my mom was a nurse too. I'm a nurse. So like celebrating on the holiday is not that big of a deal for us. And we don't have to have like a traditional meal. So whoever's hosting, they pick what we're going to make or what, you know, what's going to be served. And we kind of go around there. So we're doing that like the weekend, closer to New Year's. And so, you know, I think it'll be spaced out a little bit. So it's not so like rush, rush, rush, rush, you know, all these different places. and so like we're fortunate that we don't have to do that. So yeah, we're just going to stay home and just enjoy this fest.
Kara:Awesome. Awesome. Thank you for
Lisa:sharing. Lisa, go ahead. I can relate to all of it. And my daughter, Angela is definitely a pull me by the hand, whether I want to or not, and show me something joyful. And like, especially in December, it was her favorite time of year, hands down, and she's all about it. And she will not let us forget any of it. And, and often that turns out really great. I think that for me, as far as intentions, it would be to recommit myself to what's already been going on for several years. I, am still in a position where I am learning to trust stability and learning to, focus outside of the immediate crisis that's happening right now and this kind of thing, live in that crisis mode. And it's been a long process and my commitment is to Accept whatever I'm feeling and, and whatever I need, including a lot of quiet time. I'm also an introvert and really appreciate that chance to just, just be but that's super important for me. So I think that, you know, it's that commitment to not filing any other kind of guilt or, or imagining of how I should be feeling or what I should be doing on top of. What I do experience and feel,
Kara:you know, obviously we're all in this fight for joy, but I think what you just shared, is so critical and important to, for that fight and it's accepting all of the feelings and allowing all of the feelings and not. Doing what a lot of us are very tempted to do and probably do out of survival sometimes, which is that suppression and that avoidance. And with all the love and care and compassion in the world, if you've done that, of course you have, you have good reasons for that. And also, you know, this is a, a, conversation where we're saying collectively like, and, let's also allow all of it, you know, in service of that fight for joy, for calm, for peace. So thank you each of you for who you are, for what you've contributed to this conversation. And I appreciate the time together. All right. Well, for those of you listening on Christmas day, Merry Christmas, and we'll see in the, in the new year.