To Be Of Service

This episode is all about catching up! I’m sharing highlights from our winter break, including a big advocacy win for Levi, and reflecting on the mix of joy and challenges that come with parenting a child with disabilities.

I also dive into a theme I’ve been embracing: being of service. It’s helped me find purpose and peace, and I hope it might inspire you too.

Lastly, I’m asking for your help to support special needs moms displaced by the recent LA fires. If you know someone in need, please reach out.

Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

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Transcript

Speaker: 0:05

Hi, I'm Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flair of possibility. In your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone, or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome.

1:14

Hello, and welcome to the Special Needs Mom podcast. This episode is going to be kind of like when you haven't seen your friend for a little while. And so you kind of just have a lot of catching up to do. I haven't sat down to record an episode in, Not a couple of months. It's been a couple of weeks. I worked really hard before winter break to basically create episodes ahead of time and get everything done so that me and the Special Needs Mom podcast team could have a touch of a break. So yay for us. I don't know if I did a great job there at the very end. Kind of recognizing that, I needed to get a little bit more ahead. So we have some catching up to do. but also you know, this episode is actually being recorded. Only two days before it comes out, which is not our ideal situation. But what that means is it's going to be kind of light on the content and hopefully heavy on the connection. I feel like, Hey, let's get connected in the new year. I'm going to share a little bit about, kind of how our break was some reflections and something that I'm bringing into the new year that I hope will be thought provoking and maybe even a little inspiring for you. So, let's start by saying, we made it, we made it, we made it through winter break. And, That is not a small feat. Ours actually was, was quite good. So three weeks off of routine and for us, some travel, a lot of fun. We had a lot of good things. And the last week for me was definitely the most challenging. I found myself kind of just showing the signs of needing a break from being the primary care ticket for Levi. all of my other kids went back to school. He had an extra week off. So what that meant for me was I had Levi in addition to kind of going back to my regular work week routine. That kind of thing. So what really was amazing over break is I, I and the whole family took two solid weeks off of work and appointments and therapy and obviously school and it was a lovely thing to be just fully focused on the family and all the things that kind of come along with the season and. You know, we did some fun, fun things. We went to Disneyland. It was super fun. We went to Reno to see my brother and his kids and my niece and nephew. And you know, we had a great time. So another little behind the scenes I thought I'd bring you in on is some of the advocacy work, code word for fighting. just kidding. but not really. Anyway, so in January, I opened a project that really was after getting Levi some of the support that is available to disabled people in the state of California. Now opening this for me. meant also recognizing, well, not recognizing it was really like, I didn't know how long it was going to take. I didn't know what would come of it. I did know that we needed a lot more support than we were getting. And so what ultimately started in January 2023, you know, it, it kind of continued to evolve and, you know, one thing leads to another. And for us, there was multiple denials and lawyers and so much paperwork. And I got news in December. That essentially our final appeal, kind of the, climactical state, went our way. That we got what we had asked for, on behalf of Levi to support Levi. And let's just say it's great to get really good news. in December. It was really great. Like I really, I feel like it, it added to the enjoyment of the season for me. I'm saying this thinking, and actually this has been part of my struggle as well. Like this thing has gone so good for us. And yet I'm also seeing it not go good for a lot of people. And so there's this interesting dynamic of like, Oh, we happen to be in a good season. And like, what does it look like to be? personally be in a good season yet still be with other people when they're not. So I don't know people get stuck up on like, how can you go be happy when people, you know, are dying all over the country or I should say like the world. And, I think right now if we're going to look at kind of what's happening now in the world or in our country is like LA and all the impact and devastation there. We're going to talk about that a little bit. and so I've been like struggling with like, okay, how do I honor like that? This is so good for our family. It is, it feels so good. but also kind of make peace with like, but there's still so many things out there that aren't good. And like, how do I land there? And I don't know the answer to that yet. But I also wanted to share it because, you know, when I'm not the only one, that has good things happen. And then I also noticed that, and I'm still totally processing this. So this is kind of just my, my thinkings. Like I said, like this is a conversation where we sit down as friends and, you know, don't have everything figured out, but kind of just talk about things. I'm noticing that my capacity to feel the goodness And the gratitude is being challenged. And what I mean by that is it almost feels so good that it feels bad. Does that make sense? it's uncomfortable, stepping out of like my personal story for a second and kind of stepping into like my little life coach mind. I have this illustration that I use often and it's a circle. And it kind of represents what we would call our comfort zone. Yeah. which simply is like things we're familiar with, certain of, comfortable with, obviously. And anything outside of that would be what we're uncomfortable with. And inside the zone is like, it's good things and bad things. Like it's just things that we know and essentially growth looks like or transformation looks like expanding that comfort zone to have things inside of that zone. That you didn't have before so like I think of like an example of like public speaking Did not used to be in my comfort zone Still maybe not totally but it's it's an in the zone enough that I can do it Whereas before we were like talking about panic attacks so So, you know, the name of the game is expanding the zone. And clearly for me, what I'm noticing is that having this amount of good as it relates to the support we have for Levi is definitely outside of my comfort zone. I am familiar and aka comfortable with hard struggle, not having enough support. And so it's asking me to expand to have this amount of good happen. And I'm okay with it, right? Like I'm not saying like, Oh, I want this to go away, but I'm noticing how odd it is to have so much good and how to make peace because there's still a lot of hard, obviously, right? his disabilities didn't go away overnight, wasn't that good of a support, but. I wanted to share this because I think, you know what, I'm not going to be the only person again, that has really good things happen yet. Also how to live in the gratitude of that, fully allow the gratitude and the good and kind of expand. Cause what happens if we don't actually pay attention and look at these things is that subconsciously. We end up kind of putting a ceiling on what we can contain, and we actually end up recreating over and over again what we're comfortable with. Why? Because we're comfortable with that. And it's a subconscious thing. The work that we do in coaching is actually we bring the subconscious to the conscious. We talk about the things that are happening. behind the scenes without us noticing, we're looking in the mirror and being like, Oh, wow, that's interesting. I didn't realize that that was going on. And, so, you know, like they say they, you know, people win the lottery and come into a ton of money and This is actually so fascinating to me, then they end up recreating or essentially losing all the money and creating the same financial situation that they had before. And the reason why is because they did not expand their thinking, their way of being going back to the analogy I gave earlier, that comfort zone. They are subconsciously so uncomfortable with having that much money. It's not part of their identity that they subconsciously recreate the identity that they are comfortable with. So fascinating. script. what do I want Okay. So we're still in this new year. phase. Right. So I'm not going to talk heavily about it because, you know, there's a million ways to talk about the new year. You know, I've done all the things myself in terms of being really gung ho, I'm not in that space right now. I think if, if there was a word for how I'm approaching the new year, it is gentle. I mean, I'm a life coach. I love it all. Right. I do love, I do love some goals. I do love some. I'm thinking about what we want, what we want to create. But what I don't love is pressure. And what I don't love is like feeling like you have to, or you're behind. And so I personally have just been very, very gentle with how I approach how I'm thinking about this and certainly how I'm approaching it with any of my clients. And with that gentleness, I've just noticed this theme popping up. You know, a lot of people do the word of the year. Good for you. I'm glad you love it. It's never really been my thing, but maybe it is now. this phrase has, has kind of continued to come to me and I wanted to share it with you because I feel like it does. Yay. It affects my life, but I feel like there's an end to it. opportunity for the collective of us as mothers to really put in this perspective, this attitude, and have it really transform how we show up for the people that we love. And of course, our children with disabilities. So the phrase that keeps coming to me is to be of service or service in its simplest form. I think the first time that it came to me, I don't remember exactly if it was Before the new year after new year doesn't really matter, but I was listening to my pastor speak and I don't remember exactly what he was talking about. but I do remember having the the conversation really start to have me thinking about what if I. approached how I show up for Levi through the lens of just being a loving servant. And for those of you in the Christian faith, Jesus is all about love and literally laying his life down for people, regardless of if they appreciate it or not. And if you're not Christian, that's essentially like a, you know, Jesus is about love. And sacrifice and loving unconditionally. And so this just had me thinking like, what if I really could get behind and just consider like my role, my purpose is just service, loving service. And when I was trying that thought on, it felt really good. Like, I don't want to resent the work I do. I don't want to resent the needs that my son has. And if I can recognize that my purpose, my opportunity is to be of service. Then that feels so good to me. It feels like, wow, I feel strong when I think about that. Actually, it shifts the relationship from being kind of a victim of all the things that my son has had to deal with and my family has had to deal with as a result of my son's health journey. And it puts me kind of back in control because I get to choose to be of service and I get to choose to love. And again, that feels good. So if you. Also, find yourself being tickled, taunted by resentment. Then perhaps this is a phrase that you can contemplate as well. What does it look like to be of service, to choose to serve? And maybe you would find different wording for yourself. Maybe it wouldn't be of service. Maybe it would be, I don't even know, a different language. But the thing that I would just invite you to contemplate as you think about this shift, if you deal with resentment, which I'm guessing that you do of some type, what would allow you to show up in a way that feels good for you, or that empowers you, or that, gosh dang it, just gives you the longevity that you need. So I could go on and on, but I'm going to leave that there and have it just be kind of a conversation starter. You're welcome to reach out to me. Actually, there's a really cool function on my podcast. hosting, that, allows you to text me. So you are invited to text me like, what does this bring up for you? What would be your way of describing how you want to show up and who you want to be? And I'd love if you texted me that somebody, and I don't have the words now is going to bring it up. Somebody texted me. Text the podcast, but it's coming to me. Something, just a quick note. Basically it was like, thanks for showing up and, and for being a light and you're from Colorado. I know you're from Colorado and I wanna say thank you. That was so encouraging to me and I remember receiving it and just thought, wow, I gotta say something, because that just was so encouraging. So, Yeah, you're welcome to also send notes of love. I would receive that, gratefully. And then actually there's one last thing that's important that I wanted to put in here that I also was like, oh my gosh, like this concept sparked an idea. Oh, maybe that's not the best language given that, I am recording this podcast, right during after the fires have been Raging in LA, and what we know is thousands upon thousands of people have lost their homes and everything associated to having a home. And in church we were talking and praying a lot about it and, and I was just thinking like really trying to picture what that would be like. And I think it's one of those things where you, you can't even fathom what it's really like. but A friend had reached out saying that she lives locally in San Diego and said, Hey, a bunch of, you know, me and my local tribe here like want to help, do you know of any special needs moms that have been displaced? And I said, no, but I will keep you posted. And so I thought, Oh my gosh, like what a good opportunity this is for me and this podcast community to be of service. And who do I want to most support? I think moms in our shoes that have already probably been struggling in some areas and now have the added complexity, like unfathomable challenge of not having their home and their belongings and all of those things. So here's my request. If you are, or you know somebody who is a mom that would identify as a special needs mom in whatever capacity. That that would be, and you know that they've been displaced, bring them to me, bring them to me so that we can figure out the how, the what, the who. We can figure out how to wrap our arms around them to, really like theme of also this year, last year is like together is the only way let's do this together. we cannot make their pain go away, but we can make sure that they know that they're not alone and that they have support. People there that are willing to step in and fill some gaps for them. So I think that's clear, but please let me know who, you know, and the best way to contact me so you could do the text that definitely will work. I will not be able to respond to directly. So I would say probably a better way is through, the. contact form on my website, maybe the best way, or of of course, social media. So if we're connected on social media, please consider reaching out at the special needs mom podcast on Instagram. Okay. We're going to wrap there. I love you all and I will see you next week.