We're Talking About Help: A Community Huddle Episode

Welcome to our Community Huddle! This month, we’re talking about receiving—why it’s hard, why it matters, and how we can get better at it.

In this episode, we explore:

• The struggle of asking for help.
• Why receiving is a gift to both giver and receiver.
• Practical ways to ask for and accept support.
• Learning to give yourself grace.

And of course, we wrap up with our Community Cheer—because together is the only way.

Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

Join the Community:
Pathway to Peace Coaching Community is currently open for enrollment. Instantly get access to authentic community and weekly coaching! Give yourself the gift of growing alongside moms who deeply understand you and will be with you in your joys and sorrows. --------> Learn More HERE

Transcript

Speaker: 0:05

Hi, I'm Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flair of possibility. In your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone, or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome.

Kara: 1:14

Well, hello, and welcome to the Special Needs Mom podcast. You're joining us for February version of what I have come to call our community huddle, and it is exactly what it says. It is our community linking arms, huddling, saying, look, we're doing this together. Like how are we going to win? And we do have a chant at the end. We do have a team cheer. Don't let me forget to do that. So we're here and we're going to be discussing the theme of the month, kind of continuing the conversations I've been having in solo episodes on receiving. So, you know, I think it's a topic that is worth giving a lot of time, energy, space, thought, all the things, practice. And so I think it's great to talk about it, to continue To recognize that wherever we are, we have opportunities to learn and grow. And what better way to do that than together? So that's what we're going to be talking about today. And if you're like, I want to be part of the community huddle, how did these ladies get on there and not me? Well, you're invited. And what you'll need to do is you'll need to get on my email list. That's how I inform all the people that there's going to be a call and then you sign up for the call. So it's very easy. There is no cost. All are welcome and, love to see here. So with that, we're going to do brief introductions and I will start and I will start by saying that. I mean, you guys. Some of you already know you're like, okay, that's all news care, but I'm a mom of four I'm obviously the host of this podcast. I more recently identify more and more as a caregiver than Even as a Business owner if you will I if I look at how I spend my time, I'm like, well, that's interesting I've always identified as a full time working mom and if I really step back and look like I'm kind of adjusting that. And for me, that means, kind of giving me the freedom to spend more energy, doing all the things of caregiving and not feeling like it's like in the way of something. So, and I am also a life coach. That is my training. That's my profession these days, along with podcasting. And I love it. I love it to pieces. I live in San Diego in North County. And, let's see what else. my children. So I have four kids ages seven to 17. And my son Levi is 15. And he is a multiple brain tumor survivor. And he has a whole host of disabilities that, are all brain based. So, I'll leave it there. So with that, Nicole, would you like to introduce yourself?

Nicole: 3:48

Yeah, sure. So, hi, my name's Nicole. My husband, Kevin, and I live in Long Island, New York with our almost two year old daughter, Cora. She was diagnosed with spina bifida, Chiari 2 malformation, and hydrocephalus while I was pregnant. so we knew pretty early on we were buckling up for a rollercoaster ride, but we were fully committed to it. And, to date, she has had, I believe, five surgeries, and started to lose count. but we've recently switched her specialty care to Boston Children's Hospital, and we're so grateful that we took that leap of faith, and they've really just been taking awesome care of her, and have been helping us to learn more about her, and how to best take care of her too. I'm a licensed esthetician and a makeup artist, on top of, of course, being a special needs mom. And I'm grateful that I have somewhat of flexibility in my schedule to be able to give her all of the additional attention and things that she needs.

Kara: 4:52

Awesome. So both the gifts of having that flexibility, but then I curse is too strong of a word, but like then you have the competing priorities and commitments of being a business owner and a special needs mom. So thanks for being here. Thanks for introducing yourself. All right, Amy, how about you?

Amy: 5:09

Hi, thank you, Kara. I am. From Boulder, Colorado, I have an 18 year old who, she just turned 18, just my only child. She was born under a pound, 24 weeks premature. So, everything, prematurity affected everything. And it was, it's been a long, long journey, 18 years. A lot of chronic health issues, mental health issues, neurodiversity. That whole thing. And I was a stay at home mom for most of those years. I hit burnout at around 15 years and I'm on a mission now. I'm, I learned breath work. It completely changed my life. It was the missing piece to all the care that I was doing. And so now I'm on a mission to really help moms like us not hit burnout and offer more support to our nervous systems. and heal the trauma. There's just a lot that goes on with it. So I'm, again, my daughter just turned 18 and we're just in a whole new phase. It's like it just keeps evolving. And now I'm dropped off her medical records. And how do we navigate that? And how is she going to take over this care? It's a lot. So I'm super happy to be here. I felt very isolated in my parenting journey for many, many years. And that could have been Self induced, but I, I really appreciate community more than ever, more than ever now, especially while hitting that burnout. So this is really cool. Thank you, Kara.

Kara: 6:44

Yeah. Thanks so much for being here. Yeah. All right, Elisa, can you go?

Elisa: 6:49

Yeah. Hi, I'm Elisa. my husband, Brad and I have a seven year old daughter, Eden. And Eden was born with a couple of different congenital heart defects. We, spent the first about 10 months of her life in the Pediatric Cardiac ICU at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital as we live in Nashville. And during that time, she had three open heart surgeries and a handful of other surgeries. at about eight months old, she also acquired pulmonary hypertension. And so she got a trigostomy and was on a ventilator. for the first couple of years of her life, and she's made great progress. She's worked very hard, and now she is off the ventilator during the day, all of her waking hours, except when she's sick. So she has come, a long way, and, we're just excited to see where life takes her. Like Amy, the community, I've just, in this past year or so, really gotten involved in the community and seen how important it is. And so I'm excited to be on another one of these calls with you, Kara.

Kara: 8:00

Oh, we're so glad to have you. You guys all sense the theme, community is amazing? Okay, sorry, I just had to say it. I think you guys get it though. All right. You guys get it. Obviously, you're here. now let's talk about receiving the gift and the curse. And I thought when I was kind of preparing for this conversation, the idea of looking at the woes and the wins. You know, like, like both sides of it, because I think that probably each of us and I'll ask us to share can look at like these amazing experiences of receiving, and then we can look at some of the challenges of where we could stack. And I think my goal for this conversation for both us here and anybody listening is that our curiosity is spiked and we see. a little opportunity to move in the direction that we would like to. And I, I would assert most of us want to get better in this area. if you want to get worse, that's fine. You can choose whatever you want. But I'm kind of making an assumption that we all want to improve. So let's actually start by doing a very brief and a very general self assessment. And the question I would have us consider is if you were to rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10 in terms of how well you receive, I want you to rate yourself. So 10 being like, you just feel like it's, it's going well and you have everything you need. You can't imagine any opportunity for improvement. And this wouldn't be through the lens of like cockiness is like, just feel like you really, you really got it. Thank you. And one would be where you see a many opportunities where it's really, really not going very well for you. so, I'm going to give you guys a second to think about it, to gather your thoughts and how you would rate yourself and why, while I do the same, so I didn't premeditate my number. but I, I think as I, you know, just even quickly, I feel like the number that came to me is a seven where I feel like, you know, clearly also, you know, for those of you that listen to the podcast, I share a lot about my personal experience. So you've seen some of the places I get stuck. And so I think that I've gotten very comfortable at some levels of receiving, and yet I've also learned that there's some limits to what I'm comfortable with. So I think the why for me is that, is the continued. Reframing of what it means to receive and the attachments I have to what makes it good or bad, right or wrong or whatever the thing might be for me. So that's what it is for me. Is anybody else ready to answer the question? And if you want to skip, you can. I won't force anybody to talk.

Elisa: 10:38

I'm happy to go. This is Elisa. my initial answer off the top of my head was a three. And then I realized I should maybe give myself a little more credit. Okay, good. I was like, yeah, I agree. I'm gonna agree with that. So I changed to a five. But I initially thought a three because I was thinking very specifically about My friends and family and very direct ways of getting help. and it's difficult without any family in town and the very specific medical needs that Eden has with a trach, ventilator, g tube, things like that. It's not as if just anyone can jump in and just do those things. But then I thought more broadly about it and about how, you know, I'm looking for these programs and I'm looking for things to help her and other ways like that on, ways that we can receive help and, and the care that She needs so that's why I changed my answer to give myself a little more credit out of five

Kara: 11:37

Yeah, I mean, I think you've brought up something that is a very valid and important to acknowledge and validate challenge of receiving when Yeah, you can't just call anybody care for help in specific areas. So I think it's an area where it It's helpful to give ourself like the thinking of like the both and how can I both get the help I need and honor the fact that I'm not going to just leave my daughter with anybody and just really work with yourself to come over those obstacles as. I'm sure we'll talk about. All right. Thank you. Amy, you want to go next?

Amy: 12:13

I'd love to. Thank you. this is interesting because as I feel into it, there's certain things that I'm really good at receiving, like compliments, people seeing our situation, even if they don't understand it, or my situation as a mom or my daughter's, like that feels really good. And then also like Elisa, It was very difficult for me and still is along my journey to receive help from family or friends or care, other caregivers like babysitters just. Leaving my child, especially going through life and death with her so many times, it's like, no, I got this. And I'm, it was just that protectiveness. I can't leave her with anyone. so not very good at receiving. Then I did. I did some in the earlier years, but, as it got more complex, it felt like no. This is just for me. also, I just want to mention about receiving, because this comes to me quite a bit, where I want to receive, there's like, I want this, but it's not out there. And it's, it's like, let's just say monetary help from the government or whatever, like some sort of thing to help our family. It's like, oh my god, I would love to receive that. Boy, do we deserve that. We need that, all of us, like some sort of help. Kickback something so that we can provide in some other way or pay these bills or get help and it's like that's not but I haven't found that right. That's a hard. So it's like there's this thing of I want to receive more. That's just one example. But just like, where is that help? It's like, also, it's like you want the help, but where is it is kind of the thing I'm trying to say, or it doesn't feel like the right thing. And so it's hard to receive because you're so protective of your child and your Right. Family, you know, so I don't know if I can rate it I said seven to myself that was coming to me because there's definitely areas where I could improve I think when I hit the burnout, that's when I really realized shoot I've gotta lean in more to receiving I have to I have to get more out But it took me to that level to to change a little bit more.

Kara: 14:27

Mm hmm Yeah, well, you've brought up a topic that I think is a really, I mean, it's one I can totally geek out about, but it's making a request when you don't know how or if it can be fulfilled. And so what I hear is that you like fundamentally have a request or a desire to have more financial support.

Amy: 14:51

Yeah.

Kara: 14:52

And. It's hard. It's hard to say I want something. It's a vulnerable position to be in or I need something. It's even harder. And so this is a common place where, you know, through my, coach lens, I see people stop, right? So they will kind of come up against a need or wanting to say they need something or want something. And then they will filter or edit themselves and essentially tell themselves, I'm not allowed to want that, or I'm not willing to. I really own that want because I'm afraid that it can't get fulfilled or even worse. I know it can't get fulfilled because I've tried before and it didn't work. Now I want to acknowledge that's a very real experience, but also that's not always true. We can think something and feel something is absolutely factual and be actually wrong. And if I even use my own recent experience, So in the middle of February, I talked about the shift in us receiving significant financial support from the government. if you were to ask me if this was possible four years ago, I would have said, absolutely not. We don't qualify. So, I think that maybe that was true then, maybe, maybe, but I think I was actually also operating under incorrect information. So, even though it felt true. I wasn't absolutely right. So we're not going to obviously go into the whole complexities of, of that today, but I think it's a really great point to contemplate and for everybody, all of us to see if there's areas where we're holding back a desire or a need because we don't know how it's going to get fulfilled. And the challenge I would give all of us is to allow yourself to still state and declare the want, the need. And trust and enter into that unfamiliar zone of how can this be possible? What do I need to do to make this possible? So great point. Okay. And then Nicole, I don't think you've gone yet. So let's hear your answer.

Nicole: 16:58

so I feel like I would, I don't know, I want to give myself a five because I do appreciate the receiving, like I very much enjoy and appreciate. Being on the receiving end, but kind of like Amy was hinting at, I feel like it's the requesting in order to receive, that I can definitely use more help with, and not feeling guilty about it. And also, When somebody offers help to not be shy to ask for something either. Because a lot of people will say like, oh, let me know if you need anything. Let me know how I can help. And of course, even that alone is appreciated. But like, actually telling them something that they can help me with, I feel bad about. Especially when it's something like, They had the monetary value. It's like, well, yeah, I can afford it. So I don't technically need that assistance, but would it be nice? Of course, it would be nice.

Kara: 18:04

So, that actually is a great segue into the next question I wanted us to, contemplate together or to answer together. The question is, have you ever turned down help or support even when you really needed it? And kind of thinking about times where that might be the case and if so, why? What do you see in terms of kind of why do you think that you said no? Or Another way of saying no is simply, rejecting the yes, it's kind of a deep, that's kind of a backdoor. No, does anything immediately come to mind? Let's hear it. Amy.

Amy: 18:40

Oh, yes. I have avoided I've refused help because I actually didn't want to interact with the other. And that's

Kara: 18:51

what the helper.

Amy: 18:52

Yeah. And it's sad to admit, like mostly in crises and it's, it was just me needing or wanting, desiring to go inward and not show myself in such a vulnerable place or show my family in such a vulnerable place. Yeah. And that makes me really sad. Like that gets me emotional thinking about that. just being in a better place of like, they don't understand and I don't have the capacity to explain this or, you know, again, My own walls or hang ups. Understandably, with gentleness, saying that with gentleness, like when you're, in a crisis situation with your child and, and family, and it's so it is, it is hard to go there and show that vulnerability.

Kara: 19:37

Well, I think what is important to acknowledge, I think, is that It's not wrong of us to turn down help, right? Like, this is not a right wrong answer. this is not like you were wrong for turning down this help. actually, if, if we rewind, I would say, like, if I asked you the question, like, do you like your reason? Like, do you, stand by your reason for saying no? You've been like, yeah. Like, it's, it just doesn't work for me right now to expose myself in that way when I'm already, swimming in vulnerability. And so I think it's really important to acknowledge this. I'm thinking about, so, several years ago, Levi was going through, more treatment. He had a recurrent tumor tumors, I guess, if we're really going to be factual. and there was a very kind mom, I'm going to call her kind. at school that was very persistent about wanting to help with rides for my children. Yet, I didn't know this person very well, like we were barely acquaintances and she was pretty persistent. It was, I'm laughing at him like, wow, like that is lovely that you can be so persistent. I'm a little bit shyer, I guess. and the answer was always a hard no for me. And one of the reasons is that. kind of along the same lines, Amy, is that my other children, the children she wanted to be driving, were going through their own experience of trauma, right? And so for them to be, asked to be with a stranger. Would be a very big ask for them and add to a lot of the uncertainty even, even now we are processing through challenges from that season because of the way that other people had to engage with my children just so that we could, you know, have the logistics work. And so. I think that for me is a great reason to say no to specific help that's being offered and it's because I was protecting my other children and really honoring what they needed. that kind of reminded me of that story at that time. Does anything else come up for anybody?

Elisa: 21:40

Yeah. Thinking back, especially on the times that Eden was in the hospital when she was a baby, I knew I wanted the help. I wanted to take the help, but it's like my mind would talk myself out of it. And historically for me, it's kind of taken me to get to a bad place where I like desperately need help in order to accept it. But the times that I have, I'm so grateful. I know that my friends that have, have helped, really got a lot of it themselves, so much so that we still talk about the time that my friends went to Eden's hospital bed to read to her at night and be there for shift change and just be someone there for her so my husband and I can go for dinner. Yeah, it was just really special and it felt good for me as well to be like, yes, I don't have to be at her hospital bed all the time. let me allow my friends to, to help me. They want to help. And so I have to remind myself of that, because I do have a tendency to try to talk myself out of it but

Kara: 22:49

yeah. So would it be fair to say that they had asked more than once before you said yes? Yeah. I mean, it was years ago, I know, but. And

Elisa: 22:58

usually they've just said. What can I do? Like, can I come visit you? Can we go for a walk? Can we do this or that? And so when one of the nurses was like, you guys need a date night. And we're like, but we want to be here and say goodnight to her and read to her and have a routine. And we're like, we have so many friends that would love to do that for us. And it just felt really special. And we felt so loved.

Kara: 23:24

I love it. And actually I can think back of a time that, somebody did that at the hospital for us, with Levi's first, surgery. And it was so lovely. We went to like a, one of our college, football games with some college friends and I, it's like, I very, I remember it very clearly cause I was also very weird experience being like, okay, so. So, this is me having fun at a football game, meanwhile my kid's in the hospital. I don't know what to do with this. This is a new experience and I don't like it, but it was nice to have a break. So there was a lot going on there. okay, so you made me think of a segue I wanted to take and now I'm trying to remember it again. Okay. So taking a little step away from the immediate conversation we're having, because I think it's such an applicable. tool for all of us. So you brought up Elisa, somebody saying, let me know what I can do for help. And great intended, right? But not a very helpful question. I was actually just with my year old yesterday, we were driving, we did something like a tour for him, like preparing for his life ahead of him. And he asked me something like, Hey mom, can you help me with this? It's like he's trying to get an internship cause he wanted me to kind of reach into my network. And I said, okay, one of the lessons that you're going to learn in life is that, that I want you to know is the better questions you ask, the better answers you will get. And so instead of asking me, Hey mom, can you help me? I gave him the example of, Hey mom, can you let me know if you know any business leaders? In the science or tech area, better question. And then I could, much more easily be like, okay, yes, I do. And I texted somebody and we're working on it. So kind of back to this conversation, I want to come up and kind of brainstorm here if you will. rebuttals or responses. It's not a rebuttal. We're not fighting. response to the, general question of, well, even offer, let me know if there's anything I can do to help. So does anybody have an immediate response that has worked for you or that feels like it would kind of empower you then to receive help? And I can give an example. If it's helpful. Okay, Nicole, you go.

Nicole: 25:41

well, only because this is something you helped me with before. So maybe I'm stealing your own answer from you. Well, so much. but when we were preparing for Cora's most recent surgery, and I was telling you how a lot of people kept telling me this, and I'm like, you know, help would be nice, but you know, what do I say or do? And you told me to come up with like, almost like a menu of options of maybe some things that would be helpful, such as like maybe watching her for an hour so we could pack or, you know, maybe getting us a Panera gift card or a Starbucks gift card because they have both of those in the hospital. So, you know, I haven't implemented it yet, but, you know, it's a great option that I do want to utilize and hopefully because we're preparing for a surgery next month, I can use it that time around. but it also gives the other person an opportunity to, pick something that they feel comfortable helping with.

Kara: 26:33

Yeah. Well said. Well said. Thanks to you. Yes. I was like, A plus. A plus. Not that we're grading. I think, because I could understand and I think for acknowledging our own discomfort with like, One of you mentioned like asking for something that monetary connection to it, like that might feel kind of weird to like ask for something like that, but if you ask for something that has a monetary value and then something that doesn't, then you've made your request known and then when and if they do respond or give a monetary thing, you can tell yourself, they chose this, I didn't make this, or like, it's not weird because they chose this. And I think it's really more of a gift and a tool to manage your own mind than it is to for theirs. Because I also, just to be clear, I would have absolutely no issue if any of you is like, I'm going to say, yeah, I'm just going to say, I really want blank. I want a hundred dollars like that to me is a very beautiful request and nothing wrong. So any other kind of, as we address that question or that challenge, cause I think, yes, it wouldn't it be wonderful if all the people in our life knew. How to make really good offers for help. they don't. And so accepting our reality, I think this is where we get to empower ourselves and be the leaders that get what we need. And so I think by being able to, respond with something that gives you access to the help you need, that's what we're looking at here. So moving on to, so we kind of looked at some of the woes in terms of challenges to, this receiving and obviously receiving is so broad. So we're only, you know, this is like the tip of the iceberg, but I wanted to look at the wins side and I wanted to see if there's anything that comes to mind About a time where you fully received something. So this could be like words of affirmation. This could be financial support. of course, meals and stuff like that. And anytime that you can just think, wow, that felt amazing. And, what makes it stand out for you? And Elisa, you shared, like, I think yours had two sides of it, which is great. Like you were like where you were struggling, but then you got this beautiful win. And what I'll share to answer this question is that. I wish I could remember who it was, but I remember that we were in my home and I was thanking somebody for bringing us a meal. And she was so clearly like, not in a like artificial kind of way or a maybe forced kind of way. She was so clearly like looked at me and said, no, thank you for letting me help you. Like this is a gift to me. And I was like, well, thank you for putting it that way. That makes, well, then you're welcome. And it made me feel so, I mean, I already in this situation, I think I already felt generally comfortable with it, but I think it just made it so clear to me that I really hadn't put the emphasis on. The gift of being the receiver in that way before, and it just felt very special because it felt so, I guess it felt very, the words reciprocal that's coming to my mind, but like that we had this interchange and it was just a beautiful thing for both of us and that my role and responsibility was to receive and hers was to give and that was just a beautiful thing. So does anything come to mind for any of you?

Amy: 29:56

Yeah, I'll speak to that. definitely. I've been working the last two months with some other mentors and friends of mine on this thing of giving and receiving and the reciprocity of it and how it's such a beautiful thing. So it's also really, if we can think of it as giving to another as well when we receive, because it really is almost as good. I find like Christmas gifts, I love to give more than I, Love to get even. And so it's just that notion that the giver actually gets something out of it too. And I just wanted to bring this up because as you were talking, Kerry, I was thinking about, I know we're talking about a lot of external coming in, but the biggest change for me, the biggest receiving was when I Was, this, again, was right around burnout. When I was like, I need to get away, I just, I was like, I have to get away. And I'd never done this. And I actually signed up for a retreat in Arizona, a solo retreat that was above our budget. I felt terribly guilty. for spending that money. I worked through it. My husband supported me and I want to tell you it was so life changing because I had shifted to, I get to, I get to give myself to, right? Like I get to receive. It was that worthiness piece for 15 years for all of my parenting. I hadn't, I'd done very little for myself. So I just want to change that too. It's like, we also get to pour into ourselves, right? When this outside help may not be the exact thing we need. We also need the outside help. I mean, it's not discredited. Yeah,

Kara: 31:40

no. Yeah.

Amy: 31:40

You know what I mean? Like. We also get to give and receive because that for me, I think,

Kara: 31:46

yeah, that I'm so glad you brought that up because I think that is such a huge aspect, even if it's giving herself an acknowledgment of saying. Hey, you did a really good job today. Or hey, you're doing the best you can, giving yourself some grace. And so thank you so much for bringing that aspect up. Cause yeah, like, there's so much external, there's so much, but like the one thing we can control is ourselves. And so I think that's a really, really great place to even start in terms of, okay, if you want to reinvent your relationship with receiving and giving, then a great place to start is right here with yourself. So thank you so much for bringing that up. All right, any other win stories?

Elisa: 32:30

Not necessarily a win, story. but something I thought of as well in, Ways that I have really appreciated friends stepping up and just being a listening ear, letting me talk things out, giving me grace when I'm not at my best, and knowing that My life is so unpredictable and, you know, sympathizing with the trauma we've been through and all this, the whole journey and having friends that I can talk to and that have given me grace when they've seen me at my worst, and still love me is so special. And those people I just will always just feel so grateful for.

Kara: 33:24

Yeah, it's back to community, right? Of people that you can be with in all the different ways. And, and like, honestly, like that is I think the best gift anyone could give you. yes, all the things are great, but that is like the biggest gift of all. I want to go back to kind of the earlier part of our conversation where we were kind of giving ourselves some ratings and just as a self assessment. And I want to also integrate what you shared, Amy, the insight about really the opportunity about, first giving to ourselves. And so I want to see, let's see, how do I want to format this question? Okay, so considering that our rating skills, you know, we're, we're, it was a very broad rating, right? But my guess is that for any of us that shifting the way that we give to ourselves would increase our number in a way that we would like. So I'm going to go to just make that assumption, right? So I'd like to reflect actually a little bit on, okay, so if we probably all have the opportunity to improve on how we give to ourselves or how we show up for ourselves and how we receive from ourselves, what would that be for you? And if we can just maybe try to identify one thing. that we want to take away from this call so that we can continue the work of increasing and essentially reinventing the relationship. So this is the same thing for the listeners as to maybe you did or didn't give yourself a score, but how will you seek to improve the way that you Give to yourself is the question and I'll give us a second to contemplate that for a second I'll give us a start and then I'll go to you Amy My answer to this question is in the realm of the way that I give myself, I guess the word is grace. So, you know, as I do my own personal work, what really was clear to me this week was, not necessarily judgment, but it's in the family of judgment. And I would say it's the harshness of what I expect myself to be able to do. I often get. stuck in the very old programming that, you know, I'm not supposed to be impacted by things or I don't even know what the programming is, but it's not helpful when I'm processing big emotions and it's not helpful. it's a sure way when to start to feel really, really bad. And so then shame starts to enter the picture because there's judgment saying there's something probably really wrong with you and that's not okay. And so it gets to be pretty, I'm going to say very unpleasant and very unhelpful. And so I think the gift or the give and the thing that I would like to receive for myself is really. A, a very loud compassion and kindness. And I'm saying that loud cause I'm like, it's going to have to, I'm going to have to give a big dose because, that's what I need. And so that's the thing that comes to my mind. All right, Amy, do you have one?

Amy: 36:43

Yeah. It's a piggyback on what you said. Cause I was thinking letting go of this story. I mean, it's a practice, but that I'm not enough that I'm not doing enough for God's sake. We are all enough. Like all of us. Here on the screen listening. Oh my lord, like motherhood is hard. And then you add this extra on top We are warriors and I just I want to give myself more remembrance of that and Letting go of this. I'm not enough and also letting go of the guilt. We could probably talk for a whole podcast about that I don't quite understand it, but I see it myself with my clients. Why? Why do we feel that guilt of receiving? Or that we have more on our plate and are struggling. Maybe we don't want to admit that or, but, or maybe when we receive, we're somehow feeling like we're admitting that we're struggling it's, I don't know. But I, I would like to. Be more aware and also curious and let go of that. It just doesn't serve me. Yeah.

Kara: 37:53

Yeah. I mean, these topics, they all, they're like little icebergs in our lives. Like when we start to really look, we're like, Oh yeah, I feel a little guilty about that. Why do I feel guilty about that? And then it kind of, it's, I don't say that to make it like a big problem, but I think it just that there's so much when we learn to reflect and be curious that we learn a about what's kind of behind the scenes. And it's very helpful. So, all right, Elisa, do you have anything that came to mind?

Elisa: 38:20

Yeah, you know, when you said shame, that really hit home for me. and it's interesting how shame works, right? And I feel shame around all these. Different things, or, you know, my life isn't what I expected, and that I feel shameful that, like, I love my daughter so much, why, you know, why am I just not accepting what, the cards that we've been dealt, right? Or, feeling this, like, debilitating sense of the overwhelm that I have to advocate for this. I have to advocate for that. And it can be so discouraging sometimes that, you know, these programs and these things are out there, but to get them. It's all these hoops, and I'm, I've really been trying to work on lately just accepting life as it is, and yes, this is hard, and instead of getting all worked up and frustrated when I'm calling insurance or DMEs or whatever that may be, to just be like, you know what, this is just the process, these are the cards we're dealt, and Eden is here and thriving, And I know I will do whatever I need for her and trusting myself that I know what is best for her and what to fight for versus what to just be like, you know what, this isn't worth it for myself and my own time and mental health.

Kara: 39:55

Yes. Oh man, there's so much good stuff that you shared there, Thank you so much for sharing. And anything for you, Nicole.

Nicole: 40:04

kind of I guess continuing what I was leading to before in terms of receiving, I guess more so, having the courage to be able to ask for the help, to initiate it, as opposed to waiting to be asked. I feel like that's where, I can use a little extra practice.

Kara: 40:25

Yeah, and it is the harder part, right? Like in terms of just like out of the blue saying, Hey, can you help with this if there's not an immediate offer? So yes, I appreciate that you see that opportunity and it sounds over here like you're being gentle with yourself as you approach that, that you're not like, you gotta do it by tomorrow. You're like, okay, I see the opportunity and I am, working on having the courage to make that request. to ask. So well done. All right. I think that's going to be where we wrap up. I'll give everybody an opportunity to just kind of say anything that they'd like to share as we wrap up. anything even that you're taking from this conversation. and then we'll do our team cheer. We're going to do it. I don't know. I actually haven't listened to it, edited it. maybe I won't cause we're going to still do it. We have to do our chair. Okay. any last words from anybody?

Elisa: 41:15

Yeah, I like how Nicole phrased it, that, she said she needs more practice. on asking for help, and especially when there's not an immediate need. I think about when my parents come and visit, I'm certain that if I ask them to help with something specific, they would be more than happy to learn how to push Eden's food or do some of these things for me. And so, I need to do a little bit of practicing.

Kara: 41:43

Yes, it was a very happy moment for me as a coach when one of my clients was talking about something and she was just like saying, yeah, I'm just not very well practiced in this area. And I'm like, she's got it. She recognizes it. Just practice. All right. Anybody else? Okay. So now we're going to do our cheer, our community cheer, a hurdle cheer. And I came up with a new way. When I was in the shower to make it maybe a little bit more successful over zoom. So we're going to do a, I don't know what it's called, but I'm going to say the word you guys are going to repeat it and then so forth. So to be clear, the whole chant, I think it's a chant is together is the only way. So here we go. Together.

Amy: 42:24

Together. Together. Together. Is,

Kara: 42:26

is,

Amy: 42:28

is,

Kara: 42:30

the, the, only,

Amy: 42:34

only, only,

Kara: 42:36

way,

Amy: 42:37

way,

Kara: 42:38

way. Okay, for now for the one listener that stayed with us to the very end for that. Thank you. All right, we'll still work on it, guys. I mean, it's, it's a work in progress. We are practicing how to make that work. in this platform. So with that, I'll see you all at the next huddle. Hopefully all the listeners, we will all see you there. And I'm so glad I got to be with together with all of you today. Bye bye.