Faith, Trauma & Transformation with Katelyn Johnson

In this episode, I talk with Katelyn—a mom of three kids with different disabilities, including Trisomy 21, Aicardi-Goutieres Syndrome & Autism, whose parenting journey started at just 19. Her story includes foster care, childhood trauma, a cancer diagnosis, and learning how to feel her emotions for the first time as an adult.

We talk about what survival mode looked like for her, how therapy (and a really good life coach-turned-therapist) helped her start healing, and the beauty of learning to set boundaries and feel again. There’s a lot of laughter, honesty, and even a little discussion about why she wants to throat-punch anyone who says, “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”

Katelyn’s story is raw, real, and full of unexpected wisdom. Whether you’re in the thick of it or reflecting from the other side, you’ll find something here that resonates.

Connect with our Guest, Katelyn Johnson:

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Email: Katelynmarietheimer@gmail.com

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Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

Transcript

Kara: 0:05

Hi, I am Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward, past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flare of possibility in your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome. Thank you. All right, well, we're gonna have fun today and let's start. I've given people a little bit of a snapshot of who you are, but where I'd like to start is where you are today. So if you would give me a snapshot of who you parent, who you live with, what kind of disabilities you're experienced in. A little bit like that stuff.

Katelyn: 3:52

Yeah. So I am in Minnesota and we're in kind of the southwest part now. I'm from Northern Minnesota, so I'm country girl at heart, but big city living now, kind country now. Thank goodness I don't like big city living, but we have five kids total between my husband and I. He had two when I met him. I had my son and then we have two daughters together. All three of my children have special needs of all different sorts. So that's been interesting in life. When I was 19, I got to be thrown into the special needs mom world right from the get go. So that was super, super interesting. And so he has down syndrome and needed heart surgery. And then when I was, what, 20. Six, maybe, I don't know. 2019, I had my daughter and she was typical. We didn't think anything of her until she was 15 months old in 2020, and we found out she had a genetic condition that is a Cardi Gutierrez syndrome. So it resembles cerebral palsy. Give you the easy. Answer for right now. We'll get into more detail in a little while, but, and then her sister, younger sister is 15 months younger and she has autism A DHD and sensory processing and is now experiencing some very chronic extreme ticks. So that's been an interesting ride. And then my son as well, in 2020, right before we found out about the genetic condition for our daughter and right before the. Littlest one was born literally a month before, like two days before COVID lockdown found out he had cancer. So it's been a ride,

Kara: 5:44

but here

Katelyn: 5:45

we are.

Kara: 5:47

It is, uh, I mean, I wouldn't say I'm speechless'cause I can always find something to say, but it is a lot to take in. It's a lot to take in in one quarter of a lifetime, practically. Oh,

Katelyn: 6:02

that's not even a fraction of my life.

Kara: 6:06

Yeah. Right. Yeah. I know you've shared a little bit more that we're gonna hopefully get into a little bit today, but it's bonkers to think of all the different experiences you have had in terms of, you know, I share the cancer experience and all in between of what it is like to parent such different needs in one household and Wow. Okay. This almost feels like, do I even dare? Do you work?

Katelyn: 6:36

So I did. I worked for an insurance company when everything first happened, and I had been there for almost four years and I loved what I did, but it just was not a good, it wasn't good for my mental health and my stress level. They were just a lot of pressure there. Nothing I did was enough. With everything I had going on, and I was literally giving it my all. I mean, I was doing like three people's jobs and being a mom in the hospital with my kids and everything going on, and my world was falling apart. And I was like, I just, I can't do it anymore. And my husband had already quit his job as a garbage truck driver to be our daughter's PCA, because of everything happening. And so I could still work and then. About a year later, I ended my job because I just, I couldn't do it anymore. So I just kind of do odds and ends here and there, but I mostly clean houses now, so it offers the flexibility that we need because our life is so insane. You can't have a normal job. So it's not something that we get to. Have the privilege of doing, which is sad because I, I loved, I mean, I've been a para before, which I loved, and I would love to do that again. I tried working at the hospital in the mental health unit, which again, I loved it, but the germs that I was bringing home weren't good for my daughter, and so I had to quit that. And so it just mm-hmm. It just wasn't worth it. Mm-hmm. And now the people that I do clean for, they know like, mm-hmm. If you even have a slight cold, like you need to let me know because I'm not coming. Sorry. My daughter's health comes first. So

Kara: 8:12

fun fact, in another lifetime I would love to have a cleaning company. I've always kind of dreamed about that. I cleaned houses in college, is how one of the ways I paid for college. And I just think it'd be such a great business to really like give people. Like flexible, meaningful work, but I think that's, like I said, it's another lifetime'cause I don't have the bandwidth for that.

Katelyn: 8:34

Yeah. I haven't jumped on the company bandwagon just'cause I don't do it that in depth.

Kara: 8:39

We understand. I wanna go back to say, when I said do you work like as in like you should do more. I was not saying like, oh, you should just have like of course. I don't know. I was really just trying to get a picture of your life.

Katelyn: 8:50

I'm grateful that we're able to do like that they offer the PCA aspect, like we get to be our daughter's PCAs because like my husband does PCA for our one daughter and then I am PCA for our other daughter. So

Kara: 9:05

I'm so thankful that you have that support.

Katelyn: 9:08

We're able to do that, which is really great. Oh

Kara: 9:11

yeah.

Katelyn: 9:11

Just because then we can fill in the spaces here and there. But yeah, I feel for the people that don't know how to navigate the system mm-hmm.

Kara: 9:22

Or just happen to have conditions or diagnose that don't qualify. And I happen to be so, and I'm, I wanna talk about this really briefly because, so Levi's 16 and his gateway to disability was cancer, as we talked about, just briefly. And now he lives with a whole host of chronic medical conditions as a result of his cancer. And we do have an autism diagnosis that we gained along the journey. Mostly because it gave us access to more support. What I tell people or how I describe him is he has acquired autism. So his autism, or I should say the way that his brain is, is different than it once was, and a lot of symptoms are similar to autism. Okay. The whole reason for that story is that. We didn't have access to any of the support, and so it's called different things in different states. Here it's called IHSS in-Home support services. We didn't have access to anything up until just last year at this time. It took me about two years to work, and actually I have an episode that's talking all about this and then actually how jarring it was for me then to receive more support than I even thought we would. And I was like, oh my gosh. Like it was just like mind boggling. I'm still in the experience of how great is this, that I actually am a paid caregiver, and it's just incredible. So I'm so thankful and I. In different states, they, they definitely honor the role differently. And um, there's a lot of conversations in, in risk right now in terms of what could happen with some of that support. But I choose to believe this is where I am. It is scary, but I'm also kind of like, no, our society doesn't work with people like that. Aren't, like caregiving is so important. It doesn't work if people can't. Have caregiving work in their life. So that's how I land my head on my pillow and be able to sleep at night trusting that like, no, we're good. We're gonna be taken care of.

Katelyn: 11:22

Well, and I'll say, because I know you're a believer too, so I'll say, and I, this is what helps me sleep at night because honestly, like I, there's so much to worry about in life, right? Yeah. And the thing that gets me through is like I could sit here and worry, and worry and worry about everything going on, but. I know that God knows what's gonna happen and so you just gotta give it to him.'cause we have enough to worry about here and we can't worry about everything.

Kara: 11:51

Yes. And I think as Christians having drawn a couple short straws with our kids in terms of like not, the kids are not short straws, to be clear the things, the horrible things that we have had to witness them experience. Are hard to really, they're not the rainbow necessarily. The like God is gonna just make everything all better. I think what I've really had to lean on, and I think I say this'cause I think you'll relate, is like really that he'll be with us through it all. That we will not be left alone. And that, that does bring me peace. That is where, yeah, I think I find peace because I, early days I really couldn't accept God's goodness because of all that I had seen. It was just like, how is any of this good? Like this is not good. So you actually, uh, in your initial email to me. Cracked me up. Backstory is I get a lot of emails of people wanting to be on the podcast. Not to be like, I get a lot of emails, but like I do, I get a, I get a lot of people that wanna promote different things and they're also great, but I, I do have to, uh, choose who will come on. And you didn't even barely ask to be on the podcast. You're like, I would love to be on the podcast one day. And, but you had shared, some people say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. You said, I really wanna throw punch those people. I've come to learn that he gives us much more, but he does it so that we can lean on him. And for that I'm grateful. So I would love for you to expand on that a little bit.'cause I just liked you already. I was like that. You're like talking about throat punching and God's goodness all in one sentence. And I thought that was pretty great.

Katelyn: 13:32

I literally tell people at church like, I'm like, please do not tell me that. You tell me that I'm probably gonna throw punch you. And they just, they know me like they laugh. They're like, okay, yeah, we know like you're joking, but maybe sometimes I've literally punched yeah before because he's said things like that. But yeah, so I just becoming a mom at 19. Obviously you're a young mom and then being thrown into this world that you were not expecting, and just everything that happened and all of the stress, and it just was intense, and I was a believer at that point, and I thought my faith was really strong, but it was nowhere. I'm, I'm in a far, far, far better place now, thank goodness. But it just things that see people said to me, and that was one of the things, and it's continued throughout the past, how many years? I don't know how to count. I'm terrible at math, but, and it's just continued to be like, oh, well God doesn't give you more than you can handle. You're so special. Like, oh God must really love you. Oh, like, oh, those kids just, oh, they're so special. And I'm like, yeah, my kids are really special. And yeah, I think I'm pretty great too, most days. But no, like you, so you're not special. Because God didn't give you kids that have special needs, like, so you're not, okay, I get it. Oh, oh, all right, we can go there. Sure. Like, no, no, that is, that is not it. God gives you so much more. And I've learned that. I mean, and I will tell everybody because as soon as somebody tells me that, I'm like, no, but let me like, and then we just like go into this whole conversation and they look at me like, oh. I didn't wanna get into that. Like

Kara: 15:23

I was just saying something to try to feel like I was sympathizing with you, and then I learned that that did not work. This is what the people are thinking. Right. I love it. I love that you're like, mm, yeah, that's not gonna work for me.

Katelyn: 15:37

It's also, I do, I love that saying at the same time, because it's a really great gateway to open that conversation of like, no, but really. Here's why I feel God has given us this story.

Kara: 15:54

Mm-hmm. Beautiful.

Katelyn: 15:55

And now I get to share our story and all of the trials and the hardships and all of the really great things too. And the really great things are because of him, not because of anybody else. Like I don't know what I'm doing. I really don't like I am chaos. Like should literally be tattooed across my face, like chaos coordinator. Like that is me. Chaos

Kara: 16:20

coordinator. I'm pulling up my notes app on my computer here, but I usually keep it on my phone and I get all these random ideas. I was, this is my thought. The one thing I know is that I have no idea what I'm doing, and I thought it was great. I was like, I think that would be, uh, just kind of a, a humorous thing to really acknowledge that like no parent really knows what they're doing. Right. But like I feel like the special needs parenting thing is a whole other layer of disorientation to be like, I really don't know what I'm doing. And we're figuring it out. You don't have to know what you're doing. Turns out to still be doing it. We're doing it.

Katelyn: 16:58

Yeah. And that's the thing, like you read the books like what to Expect when you're expecting and how to parent the child with Autism and how to parent the Child with Down Syndrome and. If there's no books that I found that how to parent the kid with a GS, that one would be fun. That'll be your book. Again, like you meet one kid with that condition, you meet one kid with that condition, they are all so different. But isn't that true in life too? Like you're different. I'm different. You're never gonna meet somebody that is exactly the same. So yes, our kids have special needs, but so do we. And so. We are all gonna be parented differently, raised differently. We're all gonna do things our own way

Kara: 17:43

and, and this is something I wanna talk about because of how it coincides with your story, and I think we come to the special needs journey from very different life experiences and that forms everything or that informs everything I should say. So I wanna go back to you being a mom at, at 19 and specifically a special needs mom, before we go there, actually I wanna go back to part of your story that you shared with me, and that is that you as a child, went into the foster care system at age 11. So. I translate that to mean as you did not have an easy childhood. And so my guess is you becoming a mom at 19 was part of the impact of really not a very easy childhood. So if you would just share a little bit about, kind of a snapshot of you at 19 becoming not just a mom, but a special needs mom. What was that time like for you?

Katelyn: 18:44

Yeah, so I was married. I married my high school sweetheart, and we got married a month before our son was born. I wanted to get it done because I was like, once we have this kid, it's probably not gonna happen, so let's just get it outta the way. Mm-hmm. We probably should have just, just waited then it wouldn't have happened at all, and it probably would've been better, but we. Got married and had the baby, and we didn't know he had Down syndrome. We didn't know he had the heart defect. We knew nothing. We, we had all the in-depth ultrasounds and everything, and they did not see anything, which is crazy in today's medical world. Interesting that they weren't able to see any of that, and he came out and needed to be in the nicu. I was trying to breastfeed, like I, I just, I knew what kind of mom I wanted to be. Because of the mom I had growing up and the moms that I had mm-hmm. In foster care and my adoption and everything. Mm-hmm. I knew through the women in my life who I wanted to be and who I didn't wanna be, and so I had this whole map planned out and pieced together and it just was not going. According to bland it out in any way. No, nothing. Like my whole world just got flipped upside down, literally. And so I was like, what? What do I do? And I just instantly went into survival. Like I didn't even have time to worry about myself. I was up walking literally that night from my C-section. Because I just, I had to, I needed to be down in the NICU with my son. That's where I needed to be. And so I was very like, I need to recover. I need to get down there. I need to see my baby. I, this is where I need to be, not in my room. That's not where I wanna be. And the doctor's like, you need to rest. And I'm like, no, I can rest in a chair in his room. That's where I wanna be. And so just full on, okay, what do I need to learn? What do I need to do? What do I, how can I be the best mom possible for him? At the same time, I was undergoing postpartum depression, but I didn't know that because I didn't have time to process it. Mm-hmm. But also, I had so much trauma prior to that. So I didn't even know how to feel my emotions at that point, which I didn't mm-hmm. Learn until literally six months ago how to feel my emotions. Mm-hmm. And so like I've just mm-hmm. Suppressed them. And I've been in survival mode for 30 years. So becoming a mom at 19 to this little boy that needed all of this medical attention. And trying to be this mom that he needed while struggling with my own mental health, while struggling with all of this childhood trauma that I had just kind of shoved under the rug because I needed to be this mom. And it was just, it was a lot.

Kara: 21:51

Mm-hmm.

Katelyn: 21:51

It was a lot. And being able to fully process it now, and it's been a really great. Process hard, but great.

Kara: 22:04

Yeah. When you look back at that 19-year-old, what do you notice about her and what do you love about her?

Katelyn: 22:12

Just the strength and the power, the determination to be that mom that this boy needed, because I mean, I grew up raising my brothers. So I had to be a mom at a very young age, and I had to grow up at a very young age. I didn't have the time to just be a kid. I felt like I was already a 30-year-old woman at that point. I. Which I think helped in some ways and not in other ways. Obviously, I feel like it encouraged me to be probably a better mom than some 19 year olds in that situation, which I'm grateful for, but at the same time, I feel like I wish I would've had the ability to process more of it at the time.

Kara: 23:00

You mentioned a little bit ago that. You're embarking on a whole new chapter, which is that of learning how to feel your emotions. And you shared with me earlier that you have started to do some trauma healing. So before we get into kind of more details around that, I was curious to know if you would share, how did you know that that's what was next for you and that's what you needed?

Katelyn: 23:23

I've been working with my therapist for. Probably since 2021, I think. I started working with her and I found her in a mom's group. It was like the responsive woman. She was doing a group and I was like, oh, I'm gonna join this group and it's just gonna be great. And I loved her. And so I started working with her and we've just been going through things slowly. Talking just about life. And then finally it was when my dad passed away a year ago. Well, it's probably a year, little over a year ago now, and everything kind of fell apart. We didn't have a great relationship, but I never gave up on him and I told her, I don't wanna feel my emotions, but I know I need to. And she was like, I think you're ready. And I was like, uh, I don't know about that. Like, I don't like that. But, but just over the past year, we have deep dive into this whole new world, as Ariel would say. Versus the version of me that I was literally even six months ago is just totally different. And certain songs will play in worship on Sunday and I just burst into tears and I'm like, really? God right now. Like, and I'll be like, I hate you, Lindsay.

Kara: 25:02

Is that your therapist? Yeah. That's hilarious. I love you. You're

Katelyn: 25:05

like, do you need a new therapist? You sure say I hate you a lot? And I'm like, no. I really love her. So before I was just very snappy, very low energy, just very, not me, very grumpy. I didn't like myself. I avoided a lot of people in my life. My mom included my biological mom, and now I am able to. I just think with a clear head and I'm able to be around people that maybe would've drained more energy out of me because of their own trauma in their lives, and I'm able to recognize that this isn't because of me, this is because of things that they have in their own life. This isn't on me. I take ownership for everything. It's, it's all me. I take. I don't know if it's a control issue. I, I don't know what it is. I just, I, everything piles on me and I'm able to not do that anymore. I'm able to say, Nope, this isn't mine. I, I don't need this. This is yours. You, you can handle this. And I'm gonna step back. And not only just to them, like, I don't even need to say it to them. I just, I need to just. In my head be like, okay, nope. I'm gonna step back and this is okay because I'm setting a personal boundary for myself and this is healthy and this is what I need to do. And it's helped relationships that have been strained for years. And it's helping them become stronger. And it's just been fun to see. Like I tell my therapist pretty much every week, like, oh, this has happened and this has happened and this is so fun. And I'm like writing pieces of my book and sending them to her, and I'm like, oh, this is so much fun. Like, look at what I'm learning. And I'm able to, like, if something big does happen and it triggers me in a certain way, I'm able to piece the pieces together and figure out what happened, where, and why and how it made me feel. And I'm able to be like, okay, yep, this is what happened and why it happened and this is how or what I need to do about it, and solve the problem before it festers and drives me insane because that's what it used to do. So. And I'm less snappy with my kids. I mean, I'm not perfect. I still snap at them, and the F word is definitely something that I probably will never get rid of, but we're not all perfect. Jesus still loves us, so that's a blessing, right? So

Kara: 27:49

I'm imagining myself in that situation. I was like, those are not my best parenting moments. You mentioned, Caitlin, that. There's like different versions of you now. There's a before and after, and I would love to hear a little bit more about that before and after experience. Like what do you notice? Yeah, maybe just give us snapshots of, of who and how you showed up before and through all the work and the transformation and the healing that you've undergone. What's the after look like?

Katelyn: 28:19

I think the writing has helped me a lot. My therapist has encouraged me to start writing my book that people have been telling me that I should write for years, and I've just been like, no, nobody wants to hear what I have to say. Um, and so I kind of shoved it under the rug and she's like, no, you, you should. You really should. And so that's been really helpful. My husband, his support has been incredible. He just, he lets me process it and he lets me talk about it and it's been great. Mm-hmm. I garden. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, I'm not a big like vegetable gardener, but I love to flower garden for other people and for myself, so that's been fun. That's my plant therapy, I call it. That's

Kara: 29:01

so cool.

Katelyn: 29:02

My husband will know, like if I'm going through something. Mm-hmm. Like if I'm in a bad mood and I'm cleaning the house, if I'm like micro cleaning, like I will get a toothbrush out. Like it was Easter time and I was literally micro cleaning my Easter decorations with a toothbrush at the kitchen sink, and he was like, um, yeah, honey. Do you think that thing that. Happened, triggered you a little more than you think it did. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I was like, I was like, I didn't really have feelings when it happened, but possibly. And then the next morning I woke up with a migraine and I was like, oh wow. But I had literally like been cleaning my house and playing with the kids and took'em to the park and I was doing plant therapy and all of the things that would normally make me happy and get out of this bad, icky mood. They weren't working. And he literally like just saying that one thing, like flipped that switch and I was like, oh my gosh. Like the migraine showed up and I was like, he was right. It did trigger me more than I thought. And so I was like, okay. So then I was able to go back and figure out what happened and I was able to get myself out of it. But yeah, so it's been fun to just. Learn. Learn the little, the little things and the big things, but

Kara: 30:29

okay. So I think those are such. The words that you shared, grumpy, I didn't like myself. I feel like that is a very common lived experience, not even necessarily as like a before and after. Like you lived at this stage at one point and then now you're all better. I'm sure you have some days where you have, you know, things are coming back up for you. I think that grumpy is actually such an interesting feeling to me because I've noticed a lot when I'm grumpy. There's usually something underneath that is underneath the grumpiness and I've, I've found such richness in noticing, okay, I'm feeling really grumpy and really doing the work of like digging into understand what I need. So thank you for that kind of snapshot of the before and after. What have been the things as you have. Gone on this healing journey, what have been the things that have been most helpful to help you in this healing?

Katelyn: 31:29

Probably a year after my son was born that I had postpartum depression. Like after the heart surgery and everything settled down, I finally realized what was happening in my body and I said, I need to get meds. I need to get help. And my ex-husband was like, why do you need meds and why do you need help? You can talk to me. And I was like, but can I? Because you're never home and you don't listen. So it's been hard to rely on my husband now, like he even needed to do therapy with me. A few years ago, we did therapy together with my therapist. That got her into doing couples therapy. Mm-hmm. Which she never thought she was gonna be able to do. Like she did not, she wasn't a couples therapist and now she helps couples because, especially in the special needs world because of that. And it's just, it was a full, full experience and it just, just eyeopening for us to be able to be like, okay, we needed this because of. Where I came from and where he came from. Like we both had pasts and now we're in this crazy, crazy world together and we don't wanna be another statistic. We don't want to do this life without each other. Like we are a great team now. How can we be stronger so that we can continue to be that great team that we are? And yeah, we still have our moments. Like every husband probably wants to get slapped in the face by their wife once a day. But I mean, that's just life, right? And we drive our husbands crazy. Like that's just what we do. Just like our kids drive us crazy. That's just what they do. It's literally our lives. But. We've been able to be in a place where, okay, this is a good place and we know how to communicate now for the most part. And we're able to go to our executive thinking place and be like, okay, this is what we need right now, and you're maybe at 20% today, so I'm gonna be at 80% because you need to just take a break. And so it's been, yeah, it's, it's been a eye-opening experience for me, especially. Coming from being in one relationship with a special needs son and an ex-husband to having two more special needs children, and my son with two other children as well. So we have five kids and my husband, and he's super supportive and super helpful, and it's just been super great to see.

Kara: 34:18

Yeah, definitely. I love that story because it is a really good illustration or example I guess, of that we're not meant to do this work alone. In your case, parenting, right? Like you're parenting with your husband, who's your partner? And you can't do this alone, like you going about and like trying to feel your feelings like wouldn't work to do it alone. Like the healing that you have access has been in relationship. And it sounds like both relationship with your husband God, because of your, your story that you Sure. I can say that that would be true for you and clearly your therapist and I'm sure other people, but how cool is that, that you have somebody that you're receptive to? That you're able to kind of use as somebody that's supportive to help you continue to create awareness and then go do the hard work of feeling those feelings, because I'm sure you see moms that are doing it on their own and in, I feel so fortunate to have a, a life partner in doing it together, and so I'm thankful. Both for us and everybody who has that supportive partner?

Katelyn: 35:24

Well, I mean, I've tried the traditional therapy route. I've been in therapy literally my entire life.

Kara: 35:30

Yeah. I

Katelyn: 35:30

entered the foster care system at 11 years old and I was put into therapy right away, and I've. I've seen many, many different types of therapists and Christian ones, marriage ones. I mean, it's, the list is extensive. And I'll say, yeah, I, I understand why people don't go to therapy. I found my therapist as a life coach actually. And so I was like, oh, this is interesting. Like, whatever. Mm-hmm. Like, we'll see. And I fell in love immediately. Like literally, I. Love, love, love, love, love her. I will never, never, never get rid of her. Like I was like, if you ever quit, I don't know what I'm gonna do.'cause like, I just, I need you. Like, even when we take breaks, I'm like, okay, I need you to just be there. And so there's tons. I mean, look at our world today, there's tons of life coaches, and I know people are like, oh, that's just a gimmick. Like, I promise you, like it's a thing. Give it a, give it a shot.

Kara: 36:34

I'm so glad. Well, and I think the thing that I would just like to put in there is believing that it's possible that you find the support that you need. Because I think a lot of us say, okay, it's hard. I would agree it is hard. Sometimes it takes some work and it's probably gonna take some failure and that's okay, but just don't give up, I guess, and like recognizing that like you are worth being supported. You deserve it. Uh, you need it. Um, everybody in your life will benefit from it. And so many moms that I speak to, they're like desperate to love their children well, and they really care about their children. They disconnect the impact of how caring for themselves helps their children more than anything else in this world. So that's what I wanna leave us with today. Say that one more time. Thank you for being honest and recognizing Yes, it's because, and same, right? Like it's like think moms are uniquely designed to care in a way that is self-sacrificing. And I don't think that's a bad thing, but it is something to be become aware of and notice when it isn't. Sustainable and when it isn't serving us.'cause sometimes it does. Sometimes there's times and seasons in our lives when like it is time to give it all for our children. Sometimes they need that, but it's just not every day. Okay. With that, we're gonna wrap up and is there anything that's on your mind as we are closing out this conversation?

Katelyn: 38:10

I would love to read something that I wrote. Let's do it. Okay. So it's called Smiling through the Storm. So often in life, we ask the question, why? Why me? Why them? Why now? Why like this? It's a question I've asked many times, and sometimes I catch myself asking God, why? Still? But then he gently reminds me of all the times he's carried me through the impossible. Through the pain I thought would break me through seasons. I never thought I'd survive. If I'm being honest. Life didn't exactly deal me an easy hand. If you met some of my family, you might wonder how I've become who I am. The short answer, God, not my upbringing, not my environment, just God. God was the one constant in my life. He never left. He never hurt me. He never let me down. He loved me just as I was. He made me perfectly, even when my earthly father never came to see me. I knew I had a heavenly father who was always with me, always listening through foster care, through adoption. God was there. Fast forward to adulthood, I became a mom. At 19, we dream about motherhood, but no one really prepares you for the unexpected, but even in the numbness, even in the chaos, God was there. I prayed, I worshiped. I walked hospital hallways with worship music as my soundtrack. I yelled at God sometimes, but I also trusted him. I knew he saw the full picture. I knew he was in it with me even when I felt completely alone. So often we are looking for instant gratification, immediate answers. We Google, we phone a friend. We cry out, Lord, please show me the answer now. As a special needs mom dealing with weekly and sometimes daily trials. I understand that desperation, but I've also seen the faithfulness of God. His timing is always perfect. His ways are better than mine, and thank goodness because I am far from perfect. The life I've lived has given me a perspective many may never experience. Most people grow up in one home one way of life, whether it's healthy or broken, it's all they know. Me. I've lived many different lives. I've seen so many different sides of the human experience, and it has taught me to love deeply and widely. I love, like God loves. I love the broken. I love the put together. If you're hurting, I will show up for you no matter who you are. Jesus didn't avoid the tax collectors and the prostitutes. He walked straight into their lives with love. He didn't turn away. So why do we, why do we act like we get to decide who is lovable and who isn't? God said, love your neighbor. So are you. People often ask me, how do you do it? How do you keep smiling? They tell me I'm strong, but I'm only as strong as the one who holds me. I am weak. He is strong. I smile because God is with me. I smile because he has carried me through every storm, and he'll carry me through the next one too. I smile because even in the ashes I've seen beauty, even in the downpour, I've seen rainbows and wild flowers bloom. It's all about perspective. You can sit in the mess and say, poor me. Or you can say, this is hard, but how can I live through it with hope until it passes? I've never had an easy life, but I've always had God and I've always had my smile. Those two things, they're not going anywhere because God is joy and when I look at my life, yes, the brokenness, but also the blessings. How can I not smile?

Kara: 41:38

Thank you so much for sharing that with us. Yeah, thank you for having me. It's been fun. There is just such beauty in getting to be with you today, but really to, to hear your written words and I just really wanna thank you for sharing that with us. Thank you. So Caitlin, thank you so much for being a guest here and if people wanna reach out to connect with you, maybe to share part of their story with you, what's the best way for them to to reach out to you?

Katelyn: 42:07

Email Kaitlyn Marie thier@gmail.com or my Instagram is at Brendan Merle's mama.

Kara: 42:14

Okay, great. And both of those will be on the show notes. So if you feel like, wow, like I really disconnected with different parts of your story, specifically, reach out and take this as an invitation for community. And with that, we'll see you on the next episode.