A Midsummer Check In

Welcome to summer—ready or not! In this episode, I share a super personal mid-summer check-in that started with a frazzled Voxer chat with my friend Nicole and ended with some surprisingly helpful advice from... ChatGPT. (Yep, really.)

I walk you through a real-life day in the life: four kids, a business to run, complex caregiving, and an unfiltered look at what it’s like to try and do all the things during summer break. Spoiler alert: taquitos were involved.

I also talk through:

• Why I brought back my hand-drawn family schedule
• How I’m redefining what “working hours” look like for me
• My renewed commitment to managing my nervous system (hello, less social media and more morning walks)

It’s not about perfection—it’s about peace and presence (and maybe a little humor along the way).

Resources Mentioned:

• Episode 210: Empowering Special Needs Moms with AI: How ChatGPT Can Help

Get The Special Needs Mom Survival Pack HERE

Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

Transcript

0:05

Hi, I am Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward, past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flare of possibility in your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome.

Kara: 1:13

Hello and welcome to the Special Needs Mom Podcast, summer Edition. Here we are. We are all on summer, and that is what we're gonna be talking about today. I'm titling this episode probably something like a Midsummer Check-in unless we come up with something better between now and when it releases. But I thought I would use this opportunity for connection and reflection. That's kind of what's happening in today's episode, and I'm gonna start with a, a story like I do many times personal story because you know what, it's, what's the most accessible for me. So yesterday I was talking to a friend by way of Voxer. If you don't know that app, check it out. I love it. It's the way I connect with most of my friends that I actually talk to. let's give her a shout out. She's a friend from college who lives in Texas. Her name is Nicole. And while she is not a special needs mom, she is a mom to a first grader and a preschooler. And in many ways some of those needs overlap. So I think she very much understands the experience or she's living the same experience. am. As it relates to being. A full-time caregiver or a stay at home mom and a business owner. And her business is in a growth phase right now. It's really exciting and I'm so proud of her. But what that means is that she's holding a lot, she's doing a lot. She's asking a lot of herself. And in one of the messages she said to me, at the end of the day, my goal is to not be a raging psychotic bitch. And I laughed out loud'cause I was like. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what what I'm working on too. And I don't love using the B word. It's not my favorite word, but you know, sometimes it just fits. So we're gonna use it because it felt right. And so that if you feel like at the end of the day that is the experience you're having in your body, maybe other people don't fully understand what. It feels like to be in your body at the end of the day, but if you are having the experience, this episode is for you. And that brings me to the topic that I wanted to get into today and I thought it would be useful to do a mid s check-in. And we're gonna do this through using my own personal Reflection of yesterday in hopes that you'll feel validated and inspired to do a check-in yourself and of course, make adjustments, course reroutes as needed. So even those episodes coming out on June 25th, which perhaps as many weeks into the summer for you, but I recorded it or I, I conceptualized the episode just one day into my summer because we start a little later. The point is in bringing this up is that it doesn't matter how long you've been doing summer, it doesn't matter if it's long or short. There is value into pausing. And perhaps acknowledging that something isn't working or celebrating that it is. but we have the opportunity to reflect on it, ask for help. And as I mentioned earlier, make some adjustments. So these adjustments can be in many shapes and sizes. Some of them can just be maybe some attitude adjustments maybe for yourself or. Maybe for your kids, maybe adjustments in structure, specifically how much you ask of yourself and how you manage your kids or kid. There are obviously endless ways to make adjustments, so keep that in mind that I'm obviously just pointing out a handful, a sprinkling, and I hope it tickles your mind to. Inspire you to think of your very own. So let's bring us back. So giving a little context to kind of give you a breakdown of my day. I wanna start with actually saying, Hey, if you're new, welcome, but also. Give you a little picture of what I got going on here. I have four children and they range in age from eight to almost 18, and my 16-year-old has many disabilities and I would describe him as needing full-time support for most anything besides watching TV or playing on this film. So. That's a little picture. And so yesterday we're gonna start at the top of the day. I'm gonna bring you through it with me. And so in the morning I woke up a little later than I wanted to. And went for a walk though.'cause I was like kind of going back and forth, but I was like, you know what, you always feel better when you take a walk. Make it happen. And I did. And it was a lovely walk, beautiful day. A little toasty, I gotta say. But other than that it was just, it was blue, it was beautiful, and I love my time out there. But it did put me a little behind time-wise for all that I wanted to do to get ready to start my workday that day.'cause this day that I'm talking about was a Monday, my workday is vastly very, but when I say work on this particular day, it means managing Levi's health. All the calls, thankfully, not school communication, emails, pharmacy equipment. You guys know the drill. It also for me includes being on coaching calls, preparing and recording podcasts, preparing content for different workshops or master classes that I teach and hold writing for a book project. That's exciting. You'll hear more about that later, but also preparing for. An upcoming relaunch of the group coaching program that I have. I'm not gonna give a lot of details now, but you're gonna wanna really pay attention because they're coming. It's, it's really exciting. I've been pouring so much heart and thought and intention into this, and. I just love doing it. I love thinking about how to create a space that really is actually helpful for this community. So it's very exciting, but also it's adding a lot to my plate. It's like I'm asking a lot of myself, which I'm behind, I'm a fan of, but also we have to kind of recognize what that means for me. So I had childcare from 9:00 AM to 1:00 PM. And then I had a telehealth appointment for Levi at one 40, so I had a little bit of a break and, but also know that when I say childcare, I am paying my very awesome but very 17-year-old son. Remember I said he was almost 18? He's 18 in August, so this is June. You know, you do the math, paying him to manage his three younger siblings. And he does an awesome job in many ways. Like he started the day off making them omelets to order. I thought that was so sweet. And yet also, you know, he's 17, so he prioritizes playing over maybe what I would choose to do in terms of what it takes to manage his younger siblings, specifically his 16-year-old brother Levi, which. You know, there's pros and cons to this, right? So I'm not saying it's good or bad, I'm just saying it is, maybe less supportive to me than having somebody who is not my son managing my children and I work from home. So not ideal, but it is what situation we have. So I'm here in my office, which is like right adjacent to like the living room and kitchen, and he was texting me trying to renegotiate what I had planned for them for lunch. And I was kind of pushing back like, no, make the thing I had planned, like it takes a little bit of work. And he wrote back, please. These kids are too much to manage right now. Oh my gosh. I laughed and I conceded. I was like, yeah, I feel you. I know that feeling. Just eat the taquitos and let's call it a day. Alright, so fast forward a little bit. I get done with my work. Well, hmm. Let's revise that. I, my time for work ended so much. More accurate way of saying that because in my mind I wasn't done. I actually didn't get the things that I wanted to get done. Focus wasn't going great that particular day.'cause you know, I'm, remember I'm working from home, so every time I go out of my office to leave, you know, to go to the bathroom or anything else I need to grab, I'm, you know, encountering all of my children. All right, so as I said, my workday ended, or rather my childcare ran out and I needed to shift, but I did not fully shift in my mind. Which I can easily see now in this reflection as I'm recounting the day. But in the moment, I was a lot more stuck and not able to see it. I just felt stressed. That's all I knew. I felt like maybe, lack of focus, a little impulsive, and I just felt stressed out just before four. I was getting ready to leave the house and I was getting ready actually to have our amazing, beautiful angel respite provider arrive. She was coming to the house at four and when she came in, she asked casually, Hey, how was your day? And I kind of blurted out like, oh my gosh, I'm frazzled. I'm gonna go talk to chat GDP and see how I can change this. at the time I was kind of joking. It was a little bit of an impulsive comment, but then it actually sparked an idea. So later that night I opened up the app or the website, I don't know what we call it on my computer and I typed, I'm reading it word for word'cause I thought that would be more fun help. I use the help exclamation mark. I am a mom of four and my kids just started summer break. We have a couple weeks that they are at camp, but for the. Next few weeks, I am managing them while I also try to manage my business. I have a somewhat flexible schedule. I'm ending my first day and feeling really frazzled at how much there is to manage. How can I structure things better or what can I do to better manage being a work from home mom and caregiver? All right, you're gonna love the response. It made me laugh, but it also made me feel really good. So thank you. Chat. All right, I'm gonna read it again. Word for word. You are in a real pressure cooker right now, Kara. Isn't that great? I feel like that would be like really demeaning coming from anyone but a computer. But from the computer it was very validating. I mean, for a computer to see. That I'm in a real pressure cooker. Okay, I'm gonna start over. Okay. You're in a real pressure cooker Right now, Kara running a business, managing four kids on summer break with some complex caregiving needs, and try not to lose your mind in the process that frazzled feeling is valid. Let's reset the approach to help you feel more in charge. Endless, like you're spinning. I mean, you nailed it, Chad. Okay. So let's do that. And if you're not a chat, GTPI always say it wrong, gTP, whatever. Alex our editor is probably like, oh, Kara, you gotta just write it on a post-it. You gotta get this one right. you know, AI is what we're working with. So if you're not an AI user, there actually did an episode on this, on how I use it as a special needs mom and business owner, like, you know, all the different things, but I use it all the time. It is actually kind of fun and just, I feel like for me, kind of sparks a lot of, my own thinking. So it's ob you know, in my opinion it's never gonna replace our minds, but I do think it can help us in a lot of different ways. So there is an episode on that. We'll put that in the show notes. So, going back to what. chat spit out for me and I won't walk you through every detail.'cause what I actually really want you to do is do this for yourself. So go write it down and dirty. Not very well thought out or eloquent paragraph like I wrote and just actually what you're experiencing. And see what it spits out. And you can do this or you can use the full evaluation process that I teach. And there's an episode on that, and I did not pull it up before I started recording, but it will be cited in the show notes. So there's two resources that if you wanna kind dive a little bit deeper into this, so it doesn't matter. But the point is, do something. Do something to support yourself here. That's the theme. All right, let's go back to what chat. Shared with me chat. Gimme five bullet points. And I'm not gonna go into a ton of detail like I mentioned, but I am gonna. Give you a brief summary of them and let you know how I implemented like the information, like what I did with this. And this is also a cautionary tale of don't try to implement all of it at once. It would be way too much and you then would likely even get more overwhelmed. And, as in everything we do. The point is not perfection, but I'd say it's more peace and probably presence. I know that's what it is for me. Alright, so this is what chat shared with me. Five Steps to manage Summer As a Work from home. Mom of four. Alright, number one, anchor your day set. Predictable rhythms for meals, work blocks, quiet time and play. Number two, define your weekly work minimums. List your must to do business tasks. Number three, create independence and mom camp flow. That one I, I did. I was like, oh, isn't that sweet? Use weekly themes, science, cooking, or art for a structured fun. I was like that. Mm, Nope. Number four, prioritize nervous system breaks. Schedule 10 to 15 minute resets for yourself. Breath work, walk, journal. Lower the simulation between work and mom mode. Number five, use systems to keep the day moving visual schedule so everyone can see. in some of them I gave a little bit more detail to help kind of, explain the actual adjustments I made. So this is what I actually did. So I took that. I used it as inspiration. I was like, okay, I see your angle here, chat. Like, good point. some of them, as you can tell from the cute little like, theme of the week, I was like, that's not gonna, it's not gonna be what I choose to do. Nothing against it. If you're like, that inspires me. And you know, to be honest, actually at a certain point in my life that would've really inspired me and I probably would've run with it. I also, there was a point in my life where I was like, let's do a theme of the day and like, of water be the theme of Wednesdays. which as my 13 year olds would say. That was a nice try, mom. It's fine. We try stuff and we fail and we keep trying stuff. All right. Back to what I actually did. From suggestion, I think this was really kind of from number five, use systems to keep the day moving. So remember earlier how I said as I ended my day, I really didn't. Like fully separate my mind from what I was trying to accomplish during my workday. so the implementation of this idea was, the decision I made was to decide exactly when I would work and when I would not, and exactly what I would do. Because remember the whole frazzled thing, I think a lot of that was because I was literally trying to do like two things at one time, be mentally at work, but physically with my children, and that's just not a fun experience for anybody. And so by deciding exactly when I would do my work. And so for me, this looked like a download, a thought download. And I teach this to, if you're a long time listener, you're like, oh my gosh, you've talked about this before. And I have, actually there's an episode that we can reference as well. I think it's called The Anti Overwhelm Way to Plan Your Day. Isn't that cute? Okay. but basically I did a download, okay, these are all the things that I need to accomplish this week for my work. I didn't do my whole life. I just did my work. And then I actually looked at all on my calendar. I'm doing a very abbreviated version, but if you want the longer version, go back and listen to the episode. so basically then I had all the like, things that were really kind of immovable on my calendar, like doctor's appointments or have to bring a kid here or there, that kind of stuff, and kind of put that in there. And then around that. All the things that were a little bit less flexible. I actually found places that worked. Here's the key places that work to put my work. So for me, what that meant is actually there's a lot of mornings that I'm working from 5:30 AM to 7:00 AM because I know generally that I will have uninterrupted thought time. My children are still asleep typically. Or my husband's still at home and. I knew that I'd be able to kind of get some focus done and that that would free up my work days to just kind of have it, be lighter load kind of stuff, or expecting that I still probably will get a lot of interruptions from my children. So deciding specifically where things went and what I would do and what I wouldn't do. So some of the things did not make it on. The list for the week, I should say. They made it on the list for the week, but they didn't make it on my schedule'cause I actually didn't have a place to put them in that worked. So some of the things I decided I would not do period, or I would not do this week and I would do them next week. So by kind of pulling back, zoom back, I was able to actually very intentionally plan my day in a way that worked. And. Part of it is being also real clear with myself on when I'm with my kids and like just being with my kids. So this for me makes it so I can actually enjoy the time with my kids.'cause I know everything else is taken care of. I like have trust that it's gonna be dealt with when I've decided a will be dealt with. Okay. So that's one thing I did and this is something where, This is a, a skill or a practice I've done for a long time, but I get kind of lazy with it. And then so I have to work my way back to doing it a little bit more intentionally, because I start to, you know, loosen things up a little bit to the point where it's not really very effective. Okay. Kind of very connected with this. Number two, the other thing I did is I brought back out a tool that I created last summer and. It's, I'm trying to think of how I could show you guys a picture of this or like a visual of this.'cause it's, and it's actually kind of funny. My daughter was like, mom, can you do that schedule that you did yesterday? So what it is, is it's one piece of paper and it is a 30 minute increment schedule for the day for all the people that are at home. So I update this every. Day slash week. And in some cases, like my husband's actually gonna be like off of work, so I'll add him on there. And in other cases, like my oldest son has a lot of times where he's gonna be away, so I'll take him off of there.'cause I'm not having to accommodate for his plan. But I have all of us on there so that everybody can see. What they're doing.'cause also this helps me from having four kids ask me, mom, what are we doing today? I can put on there what we're doing today. And in some cases we're all doing something together. So I put it all on our calendar across the board. In other cases, like today, actually later today, my daughter's gonna go see a movie and go to Legoland with a family friend. And so she has that on her calendar and my oldest son will be bringing her there. So this basically helps me think through the day. The night before and really anticipate what I need to do. So another thing is like, okay, I anticipated that I needed to get up early, so I'm recording this relatively early, not as early as I'd planned. Whoops. But also before I start my workday, I was like, okay, mental note. I need to make her lunch before I get into my day. So it helps me kind of anticipate and then. Plan for enough time so that I'm not feeling frazzled and stressed out. Let's remember. That's kind of what we're going for. Or as my friend said, a, I do not feel like a raging psychotic pitch. Okay, so this tool is again, mostly to manage my mind. Yes, it helps with logistics, but when I go into the day with a plan that works in my mind, I can easily think everything's handled today, everything's handled. I have time to do this. So generally, most of us go through the day thinking, I don't have enough time for this. I'm running out of time or I'm behind. This is a really common one. And when you actually have a schedule that you can give your brains of evidence that you're actually totally fine, you're handled, you know that you have time for connection, fun time to go to the park. Time to do whatever you know, you decide you wanna do. That helps manage your mind. It also helps me hold myself accountable with grace and compassion. So I don't use this tool to expect perfection for myself or put like rigidity in there.'cause if you look at this like tool I use, like, it's like, whoa, that's like a lot of detail, but I use it to help lead my family. So it's my way of saying, Hey, I've sorted this all through. And this is what I think works for everybody. And of course we'll change it as we need to. it's not, you know, it's not written on stone. so going on, moving on to the last item, and this was a suggestion from I think number four. And the emphasis was taking care of my nervous system. So, I mean, not a surprise that I was a fan of that one. And for me, this looks like. A little bit more unplugging from social media. I mean, it's just a lot lately. a lot. And I find myself just kind of being bummed every time I engage. And knowing that I'm gonna just probably feel, not as good once I read all the, all the myriad of updates and perspectives that. It seemed to always be conflicting. so that's gonna be a big one for me. morning walks. So continuing that, which, you know, this week I actually, I decided not to do those because hence the getting up early and working. but I will be incorporating those back in and, or getting movement later in the day. And, yeah, I guess, you know, this one's kind of, Maybe repetitive, but also for me, the emphasis of taking care of my nervous system is the getting up early and having quiet time to myself, which nobody's asking for anything from me. This also means I need to go to bed early and also the loops back to. Finding success in this is also going to be, kind of critical to do a little bit more unplugging from social media so that I don't sabotage my bedtime. And lastly, for me, continue to use the many tools I have. So I'm fortunate to have many tools to support my nervous system and to help myself folk grounded, and to kind of get back into that. You know, green zone where I can listen and learn the best. And, so I will continue to use those. So this is my story. And this was, fun actually kind of writing for you. I thought, you know what, who doesn't like kind of getting the behind the scenes of what people are actually doing out there? And so I thought y'all would like this and I can report back. So I wrote. Or kind of outline this, Monday night at the end of the actual day. So this was about a Monday. I, I kind of conceptualized the episode on Monday and then, I wrote it Tuesday morning and, did not get to record it. So I live that whole Tuesday with a new plan, and now I'm here talking to you so I can report back to say, wow, it went so much better. So much better Now. I did struggle a little bit, during certain parts of the day, and so I have to go back and be like, okay, what happened there? And I think my, I know that my mind will go back to be like, yeah, you should just go like do a little bit admin work, like be productive during this time. And so I had to remind myself actually that I already decided when I would do the work that my brain was trying to tell me that I was supposed to go get done now. So I had to do a little bit of a, a reset there. but you know what, like I said, we're not looking for perfection. We're looking for moving towards the experience of peace and presence. And I wish I could think of one more p'cause that feels like what really rounded out. But that's all I got for you. And so we're gonna settle in there and thank you so much for listening and hanging out with me.'cause I mean, I don't know if you feel this way, but I feel like I really love hanging out with you and so thanks for hanging out with me and we will see you on the next episode.