The Special Needs Mom Podcast

Your Gateway Drug to Self Compassion

• Kara Ryska • Episode 280

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This week I hit record while standing, which feels fitting because this episode has a little extra energy behind it. November was a lot for me — two ER visits for Levi, construction stress, holiday disruption, all the things. I sat down to prepare for work and realized I had been judging myself for everything I didn’t get done.

In coaching, we talk about two paths: judgment or self compassion. And while there’s no wrong choice, only one of them leads us toward peace, clarity, and real empowerment.

Today I share the simple practice that has become the gateway drug to self compassion in my own life and in my coaching clients: self acknowledgment. Most of us are wildly under practiced in seeing ourselves with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. But when you start with acknowledgment, it changes the entire conversation you have with yourself.

Inside the episode I walk you through what self acknowledgment looks like, why it feels uncomfortable at first, and how this tiny micro practice can shift your entire emotional landscape. I even give you a question to try on today. And yes, there is a challenge waiting for you.



Speaker:

Hi, I am Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward, past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flare of possibility in your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome.

Hello and welcome to the Special Needs Mom podcast. You may be in trouble today, ladies, because I am standing while recording, not sitting. I have a desk that if I put forth a little effort, I can, crank it up to be a standing desk. And I was just tired of sitting. And so here we are. I will try not to. Get too excited. I will see if I can contain myself, but I do get quite passionate about the things that, I talk about here on the podcast. So here we are. This is a title that if we go with a working title. So basically my process is, I don't know, sometimes even the title is what comes to me first.'cause like I'll come up with something like a little cheeky. It makes me laugh a little bit. It makes me laugh. I'm not sure anyone else will get my joke, but I kind of just noodle that around for a little while. And so this particular concept, Came to me and I just really liked the, I think I'm gonna go with your gateway drug to self-compassion, something like that. I just like gateway drugs. I think it's a funny thing. well, in reality it's not. But in the context that we're talking about it today, it's a little lighter and, It just made me chuckle a little bit. So that's what we're talking about. I will unfold the mystery of what, the gateway drug is. But how we got there is, it was actually early last week that I started, preparing for this episode. I was sitting down and I was like. Whoa. Wow. That was, that was a lot. November was a doozy for me personally. and so I sat down, you know, kind of trying to like start my week, my work week. And it wasn't until I just kind of like started to be What happened in November, and I, I, like, I realized, oh, I think actually one of the things was why does I, why do I feel so, how would I have described that? I just don't feel like I, accomplished, some of my professional goals in November. And I was kinda like, wait, what happened? And then I looked back and I was like, oh, Levi was like sick almost the whole month. And for Levi that was like two ER visits and late night urgent care visit. The whole, vigilance it takes to care for him given his underlying. Health conditions. So there's that. And then of course we had Thanksgiving, so like, just like call that disruption, left and right. and then for listeners that have been around a little while, you know, this fall has been. a season of construction, or I should say rehabilitation, to kind of restore my home, from some impacts of my son's behaviors. And, so that's been stressful. And then, you know. Construction stress is close, like close cousins with financial stress.'cause you know, we didn't anticipate financially having a construction project. So there's all that. We had an IEP meeting, the holidays, again, kids, so I just took a snapshot early last week and that's kind of what led me to this, this episode. But it was like, oh. Oh, that makes a lot more sense this makes a lot more sense why a whole handful of my goals did not get accomplished as I had intended and hoped. And this is the point which I wanna, highlight that us as women, as professionals, as caregivers, as moms, as wives, as friends, as sisters, we. Have a couple different paths we can take. And usually in coaching we say there's no right or or wrong. and there's not truly, but, there is a path that I would encourage you to take over the other. That's what I'll say that. So the, default path for many of us would be that path of judgment. This might look like self-criticism. This would look like. If I was gonna kind of take this path when I was, you know, in this time of reflection, it would look like kind of beating myself up for not working harder, for not being more focused, kind of going through a personal inventory of my personal lackings and how I could have done better. That would've been the path of judgment, which I have taken before. Don't you worry, I'm, I'm very familiar. but I have learned that is not the path. That I would prefer to take. It's not the path that most of us would prefer to take. It's again, it's that path of default. Like sometimes we find ourself on that path, before we even realize it. So, don't you worry. there's many paths back towards the alternative road, which I am encouraging us to consider, which is the path of self-compassion. And so. Given that self-compassion is a pillar, a pillar and a practice, here in my life, but also like in the work that I do, in the community that I cultivate. the thing that if you could leave this podcast with one thing, Well, I don't know. I'd have a hard time choosing one, but if you could leave this episode, we'll go with that. If you could leave this episode oriented towards more self-compassion, even just like 1%, 2%, I will feel like mission accomplished. I did something good in the world. That's how powerful self-compassion is. Even just a little bit more than you had before. So with self-compassion being the direction that I want us as a community to orient ourselves towards. that's why the gateway drug is so important. So what is a gateway drug you ask? And actually I will allow the suspense to build for another moment because before we go to what that is, I wanna do a quick little like, reminder or even free presencing as what is self-compassion? What am I talking about? Like when I say self-compassion, what I mean by that is treating yourself, that's the self part of compassion. Treating yourself with kindness. Understanding and acceptance. Ultimately, it is a way of being with ourselves. So if, if you think about being compassionate or kind, or understanding or accepting to anybody around you, when I say it's a way of being, it's like the tone that you use. It's kind of like the. Essence behind what we do and what we say. It's the heart of the matter. And so this is the thing that we're after, is treating oneself ourself yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance notice. And this a whole nother e episode that will probably be coming in 2026, but many people fear. That if they would treat themselves in this way, then they would, take their foot off the gas that they would no longer, push and drive themselves to the things that really matter to them. And the opposite is true, but we'll talk about that in a, in a deeper capacity in a future episode. because again, that is exactly the opposite of what happens. So. Trust me, maybe. Trust me. Actually, it was a client that I, I've worked with for five plus years actually. And so she was not new to the topic of self-compassion, but we came to a point in the last six months where I really had to ask her, or kind of like, give her the freedom to, to be in choice. But ultimately she wasn't sold on the idea that self-compassion was gonna get her where she wanted to go. She was so attached to the old way of being, which was kind of beating the crap out of herself, berating herself, being hard on herself, all those things, which my guess is you're not all together unfamiliar with. Many of us have learned those ways of being. that she really couldn't believe that self-compassion could be something that could be more powerful, more effective in accomplishing what she wants to accomplish than all of the previous things I mentioned. And so fast forward like six months later,'cause she ultimately did engage in the work of practicing self-compassion. It was like. Amazing to hear her talking about herself, about how she wanted to approach herself, and she wasn't willing to give up the kindness and the way of being with herself that she had tapped into. Okay. That's a side note. Now, drum roll. What is this gateway drug I'm talking about? Well, it's simple. It's what I did early in this episode. It's. Self acknowledgment. It's recognizing, accepting and giving credit to all the different parts of yourselves, your strengths, your achievements, flaws, emotions of what you've been through, what you're going through. It's kind of just looking at what is and acknowledging it, and so that's the gateway drug. Most of us are significantly under practiced at this skill. I'll call it a skill. Actually, early in my coaching days, this was something that when I would wrap up a client session, so I'd typically meet for about an hour with people. I'd wrap up the coaching session with several, questions, and one of them being, how would you like to acknowledge yourself today? And it was like the hardest question of all, like, they're like deer headlights. Like what? Like, could not even answer the question. In some cases it made people so uncomfortable that they're like, I want you to stop asking me that. So actually let's see how it goes for you. Like, okay, so if I were to ask you. Today, this like moment in time, how would you like to be acknowledged today? How does that, like, even just before you answer the question, how does it feel to even be asked that question again? What we're looking to answer the question is, what would you like to be recognized, accepted, or to give credit to? So let's. Keep going. Okay, so first off it, whether if you're a little uncomfortable, if you feel like you have a lot to say or like nothing at all, it's all okay. But I do want you to stick with the discomfort if it is uncomfortable for you, just for a few moments.'cause I promise it's worth it. So the question I want you to contemplate here now while you're driving or washing dishes or, I don't know, trying to fall asleep. Here's the question. What do you want to acknowledge yourself for right now in this season of your life? Is there a part of you that has been asking to be seen, honored, or appreciated today? So you can pause it, pause the episode if you want to, just to kind of keep thinking. I'm not gonna give you a ton of time. It'd be kind of weird to give you a ton of dead air time. but assuming you were able to answer the question or paused it and did answer the question, congratulations, you just acknowledged yourself. Oh, and then I like to give some extra credit. I did this, I don't know, a handful of episodes back, and it was so fun to receive the messages from each of you who took on the, the little bit of a, a fun challenge. And the challenge I have for you is to, share your personal acknowledgement with me via the text feature of this podcast. So whatever player you use, if you look on the show notes, it should say, text me. Which is me, or text the show. I can't actually recall exactly what it says, but it says some variation of text, the show. It's as easy as you, you know, press the button and you can, who doesn't love a good voice text? do a little voice memo. Of how you can acknowledge yourself. And I know it'll feel more real'cause you're telling me, which is great. but it's the act of you acknowledging yourself and seeing yourself. That is the most powerful of all. So please take that challenge. It would just be such a gift to me to hear each of you who take it on, acknowledge yourself. Now I could take this conversation a variety of different places, but I'm gonna keep it very simple. And so, back to the promise of self acknowledgment as your gateway drug for more self-compassion or for self-compassion, period. Let's take a look at how to take this to the next step. So when we start with self acknowledgment. It is almost like it cues you up to then bring kindness, acceptance, understanding to the party. So it's almost like saying, given what is, that's the self acknowledgment, then what, what do you need? What do you wanna hear? What support do you need? How might you choose to do something differently? Like it, it really just fundamentally shifts the conversation. It sets you up to have a different conversation, one through the lens of self-compassion. So it's simple. There's a saying, I've probably said it here before. it's simple but not easy'cause many of you will. One undervalue how life shifting small practices like this can be. So you won't do them. Oh, it doesn't matter anyhow. so that's simple but not easy. And so what if it could be is simple as taking on these small, small, little micro changes. Even you taking this moment in time to acknowledge yourself, which then will lead you into moment after moment of self-compassion, showing up for yourself in a way that has you kind, accept, understand yourself. That sounds pretty great to me. Okay, I think that's where we're gonna wrap up. Yeah, and I hope that you're leaving this conversation as mentioned. I hope you're leaving this conversation with one or 2% more self-compassion as that is one of our, pillar focuses and values at the Special Needs Mom podcast. And so I wish you well, and we'll see you on the next episode.