Permission to Not Be Great as a Special Needs Mom

You don’t need to be great right now you need permission to do what works. In this short episode, Kara shares why choosing the easiest path on purpose can be the most powerful decision you make in a hard season.

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Transcript

Speaker: 1:31

Hi, I am Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward, past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flare of possibility in your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome.

2:40

Hello and welcome to the Special Needs Mom podcast. At this time, my house smells like a brewery, two of my boys. It's always hard to say like, which boys,'cause I have three boys. order of operations is Kate is my oldest, Levi is my middle. And then, will is my youngest son, and then my daughter Cambria is. My baby. Okay. But I often will say the boys because Will and Cade will do things together. but then that feels very exclusionary for Levi. So I haven't figured out a good way to say, when it's just the two of them. But anyhow, two of my boys got my husband a home brew kit for Christmas. So today was brew day and it smells, I don't know. Here we have a local brewery. It's quite popular and I love it. It's called Stone, stone Brewery and Gardens. It's one of my favorite places. And'cause it's beautiful, anyhow, but there's a very distinct smell for beer, especially these IPAs. So, and I dunno if it's a good smell. It's a strong smell. So that's what we got going on right now and, earlier today. I shared with my husband that I needed to get an episode out today. I'm a little behind schedule. He said, oh, like, have you written it yet? Like, are you ready? And I said, Nope. He said, oh, well, do you know what you're gonna talk about also? Nope. And so we kind of giggled together, ugh, what do we do about that? And so I did what I often do when I'm trying to land. On what I wanna bring you to this show which is I went for a walk and you know what that got me. I know you wish it was inspiration, but you know what it got me is a sprint angle. My darn dog. Oh my gosh. I'm still so mad at her. I'm getting over it. My dog, I love her. I really love her, but she. She caught me off guard. There was a biker going by and like I thought, like we were beyond the point, which she was gonna jump, but then she decided to jump last minute. And so it like, you know, caught me off guard and I tripped somehow and rolled my ankle. honestly, it would've been really embarrassing if anyone had heard me talking to her.'cause I like talk, I definitely talk to my dog a lot and like, just picture like a, a sibling, like spat, like you're having a little fight. And I don't know what I said to her, but I definitely said it like, I'm mad person. I was angry. So there I was and I kind of vacillated. I was like, okay, is this, I was walking, I was like, okay, is this bad enough to like. Turn back, is it like good enough to move forward? And so I kind of kept walking. I really wanted to go on a walk and the sunset was like, woo. It was gorgeous. So I did walk, I kept walking. I was like, okay, I think we're okay. But I was still really mad at my dog and anytime she stopped to smell something, I said, get back over here. Like, I didn't give her the privilege of smelling that bush. I said, no, I'm mad at you. I am not very mature sometimes. Okay. But what I was listening to was a somatic training, and honestly it was fascinating and by the end of the walk, I always liked laughing at myself and how silly it was like to. Be mad at my dog. Like it makes no difference to her if I'm like mad or not. Like she's just going on living her best canine life. And honestly, I could have like really developed a, a good episode on that, but I was like, I don't know, that feels like it's a little stretching it. and I didn't get any major revelations, on my walk, but as I was sitting here I was like, I don't know actually what, what I wanted to talk about did come to light. And it's simple. I think some of the best things. Here actually are very simple. Why? Because actually we can kind of contemplate them and meditate on them during the week between episodes and actually implement them and practice them. And again, very little, they're very, I don't wanna say insignificant, that's definitely not the right word. They're very, what's the word I wanna use? They're very underrated. Maybe could be a word. But I think you get the idea. So here's the concept that came to me and I'll give a little bit more context too as I pull out some more stories from the day in the life, I guess the week in the life of my family. So the concept I wanna bring to you is you are permission not to be amazing, or your permission not to be great. My permission not to be great. And I know it's a little tricky when I'm actually publishing a podcast episode that I do wanna hold, you know, uphold some level of standard. but that's actually not what I'm talking about. To talk about this. I actually do wanna bring some context into my life. And so for perspective, at the time of this recording, it's Sunday evening and I wanna, I wanna rewind back to Tuesday. It was the day my best friend even had messaged me in the morning. She's like, you made it. she, she knew that my son Levi, was going back to school to join the other ones who were already back in full-time school. And that I was gonna get the time and the space to shift my focus from caregiving, to support Levi into other areas that I. I care about, and that's just not how it went. turns out the theme of the month for our family is sprained ankles. And so I, oh my gosh. It was a long and very horrible story. Well, I should say it was maybe the worst traffic experience I've ever had. And so it was a series of uncontrollables and it was a series of controllable events, as in. Right. I chose to prioritize time with my oldest son, supporting him navigating this whole healthcare thing, since he's 18 now. And it's like so funny to be in the room and they're like talking to him and they're like, and who's your guest? I was like, I'm his mom. Mm-hmm. His guest. I thought that was a nice way of saying that. okay. But my, my whole day, my whole day on Tuesday was derailed all the plans I had. The things I thought I was gonna do, I did not do, because of some controllable things, some choices I made, but also some uncontrollable things like the traffic. And so as a result, I needed to pivot. probably one of the reasons why I'm recording this episode right now instead of last Tuesday, and I had some commitments that I had. I mean, well obviously this is a commitment and I had some other commitments. But I needed to decide how I wanted to be around them. So as I mentioned, like I deeply cared about them and how I delivered on these commitments, but I was also clear and I'm, I'm still am, I'm clear that I'm not willing to compromise my wellbeing in order to stick to the plan. A, I think, I don't know. I think you guys will relate to this knowing how many times. We can't control, how it goes for our wellbeing. So like exhibit A, you gotta go to the er, you don't get to control, how much you sleep that night. And there's so many opportunities for us to, I guess the language I would use is to be at effect of what's happening is just to have to be in, defense in terms of like taking what you get. And there's so much of that, that actually is part of our life that I think I'm like unwilling to. Add any more of that than I have to. Like, I can accept the part of my life that I don't have control, but I also fully accept the part of my life that I do have control. And so for me, this means I'm not willing to stay up late and to knock a good sleep to Maybe stay attached to how, like to plan a, I'll call it that. And so I developed and delivered plan B and it was, it was wonderful. I loved it. Plan B is often even better than you can dream up for Plan A, but let's go back to the simple idea that I am putting in your space today, and that is the permission to be great, or rather the permission to not be great. Perhaps a better way of saying this is choosing what you will focus on and choosing what you will let go of in this season. Maybe you are in a season. And actually I do find myself, I mean, yes, I have, you know, little things that happened like this week, but overall I'm in a season that is lighter for me. More is going well than not well, which we know, those seasons don't, they don't stay forever. That's why it's called a season. So maybe you're in a season that's lighter for you in this season. You might choose to challenge yourself. You might choose, to go for great. Go for excellent. You might choose the extra mile, but maybe you're in a hard season or maybe you're just coming off of a hard season. You're like no longer there, but you're like licking your wounds. Recovering. Honestly, I find the recovering from a hard season, probably more challenging than the hard season itself. And when I say season, that could be a couple hours. It could be a couple days, it could be a couple months, it could be a couple years. And so maybe in your hard season, what I would have you contemplate is what would it look like for you to give yourself permission to find the easiest path and follow it? So there's like two parts there. There's actually being curious and like, how can this be easier? How can I make this easier on myself? How can I receive more help? How can I ask for more help? how can I just let go of some of the pressure I put on myself and then how can I take the steps to follow it? So there's kind of a lot of pieces there.'cause sometimes you may not immediately see anything if you haven't practiced this. You probably just go blank, be like, Kara, it's impossible. I don't know. It can't be, which it could be. I don't know. I don't know your situation, but sometimes you'll be able to see a path that if you're willing to take, it feels like a little lighter, feels easier. And so I know it sounds simple. But it's not always, because it does require, like I said, it requires us to let go of how we thought it would be and even how we wanted it to be. And it requires us to be kind of dancing in the discomfort of performing less illegally than we've originally thought we would be. Then we know we can. And so I think it requires a level of vulnerability that some of us might be hesitant to step into. And I say that with no judgment, if you're not willing or ready, that is totally okay. And I had shared this with the gals in Path to Peace this week. That I'm constantly, and actually, and I think increasingly so I'm constantly asking myself the question, how can I let this be easy to be clear? It's not a rhetorical question, like I actually then contemplate on and think about the thing and see what answers come to me. Some of them I'm willing, I'm like, yes, that's a great idea. I'm gonna definitely do that. And sometimes I come up with ideas. And I, I don't take them. I don't always take them as, I guess what I'm getting at. Just because you come up with an idea doesn't mean that you should take it. I think the idea of like brainstorming in and back to the idea of it's unattaching to how you thought it should be, and attaching even to that greatness that you know you can be, and again, again, giving yourself permission to not be great on purpose. I think it does feel a little bit better if it's like, oh, I'm doing this on purpose. so let's work with that. Let's work with like our own, pride and ego and humility in ways that work for us. Okay, well, for a variety of reasons, I think that is a great place to wrap up this short, simple, hopefully sweet episode. I'm off to ice my ankle. And also to, attempt to get the brewery smell out of my house, and I'm gonna be asking myself the question this week and forward. How can I let this be easy? will you join me? All right. We'll see you in the next episode. Okay.