I Don't Know What's Next: I Do Know I Need To Pause

This episode is a personal one. I’m sharing why I’m stepping back from the podcast for now and what it looks like to choose rest, even when it’s hard to let go.

Read the full show notes here.

Connect with Kara, host of The Special Needs Mom Podcast:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thespecialneedsmompodcast/
Website: https://www.kararyska.com/

Transcript

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Speaker 2 0:05

Hi, I am Kara, life coach, wife and mom to four incredible and unique children. It wasn't all that long ago that my son received a diagnosis that had my world come crashing down. I lacked the ability to see past the circumstances, which felt impossible and the dreams I once had for my life and family felt destroyed. Fast forward, past many years of surviving and not at all thriving, and you'll see a mom who trusts that she can handle anything that comes her way and has access to the power and confidence that once felt so lacking. I created the Special Needs Mom podcast to create connection and community with moms who find themselves feeling trapped and with no one who really understands. My intention is to spark the flare of possibility in your own life and rekindle your ability to dream. This isn't a podcast about your special needs child. This is a podcast about you. If you are a mom who feels anxious, alone or stuck, then you are in the right place. Welcome.

Speaker 1:14

Hello and welcome to the Special Needs Mom podcast. I'm recording this on the morning before. I'm about to get on a flight to go to Virginia and to Boston for college tours with my oldest. And I'm telling you that because I have put off recording this particular episode, not for that long, but for as long as I could. Because it's the kind of episode where no matter how much I think about it or write out my thoughts, I don't know if I'm gonna get it right. And so I'm diving in and it's going to be what it's going to be. And this episode actually might be a little bit of a surprise. it was definitely a surprise for me. Maybe, not as much but essentially what I am sharing on this episode is that I am going to be taking a break, a hiatus, if you will, from the Special Needs Mom podcast. So I'll give you a little bit of backstory. actually, for those of you who might not have been around the whole time I started recording this podcast in September, Actually in August, but, the first episode came out in September, 2020, and we've missed no more than a week here and there, there has been a couple times where we skipped a week. but this, we're on nearly the 300th episode, so one can do the math. We have been going for over five years, and it has been amazing. so I've always wondered, I looked at my like scheduled tool that I use and it goes, I think until the year 2030. And I was like, oh, I wonder if I'm gonna have to like, make another calendar, to continue going. I never really knew. I don't wanna say my exit strategy 'cause that's not where we're at. We're at a break strategy, but it's always, Yeah, I guess been a mystery to me. So more backstory. So I've been going for about five years and there's been a lot of ups and downs. We, essentially, if you go back to 2020 1, 22, you'll hear episodes about me talking about actively going through brain surgery, cancer, radiation with my son. And, so what I've proven to myself is I can keep going. And I think the next step for me personally is that I can take a break. cause I know as I've been wrestling back and forth, what do I do? Do I take a break? Do I just grind through? and here's the thing that I do know is that I want to break, and I use that language very specifically because. I think sometimes we avoid giving ourselves what we want or what we need because of the impact it has on others. I know I certainly have. Funny enough this morning, one of our amazing listeners commented on a couple of the episodes over on Spotify and said something like, best episode yet, and it was so encouraging. And I say that, One, to acknowledge that listener and say, thank you for commenting. It means so much. And for those of you who have, listened on and off, commenting and interacting with hosts like myself means so much. And I'm not saying that to make you guilty in any way, but podcasting actually can be quite a lonely, rodeo. As in, I assume when I'm listening to a podcast host that. That so many other people are commenting and that I'm just a mere listener and I don't really matter. but here's what I'll tell you As the host, you really do matter. And so the people that reach out and tell me what it means or have reached out, I should say, tell me what it means and interact and yeah, just share how much this episode or this show has impacted their life. It means so much. So don't be a stranger, I guess is what I'm trying to say, So I wanna break and. I know for myself and I very much know for the people that I support via coaching is that when we know that our break or our whatever we need will have an impact on other people, we generally avoid or stop. And that has been part of my process of letting go of this next step and. Quite honestly, I don't know if it's a break for me or a stop. I don't know if I'm gonna come back to start recording again and yet I'm also not ready to say this is the last episode ever. I'm very much okay, a break is good. I can accept a break. I love that idea and I'm definitely not ready to say. goodbye forever. but back to the whole, taking a break thing or the impact of another. So what I hate about taking a break is that it will like interrupt our relationship. It will stop, me from dropping in and thinking about you all as I record and I as I create. but I have, accepted that and recognize that, I actually was talking to somebody, I was like, it's me practicing what I preach as in taking the rest that we need, doing the things that are really hard and uncomfortable because it's what we're clear that we need and, Yeah. And I don't know. And the relationship I have with this podcast is just one of such love and appreciation. It has created so many opportunities for me, so many relationships. And I guess what's allowing me to take this step into the unknown is trusting that whatever is next for me is gonna create, the next opportunity or the next relationships. And I'm just at an interesting personal time that generally things are really good. There are some things that are really hard. I think the life of a special needs mom is layers and layers of grief. And even though there's nothing, glaring and huge and Big. I would say that it's in these seasons that I think we get to wrestle with the undercurrent of what we grieve and what our life is as a special needs mom. And so I'm doing that work and I think also we're at a very pivotal age. Levi is. 16, a junior in high school and after high school will, not continue informal education. And that means, a lot for us as a family. I won't go into that, but I'll be too much of a meandering. But I think it's, it's just calling more of me. And so I want to be able to be available to respond not just for him, but actually for me. As I know that I'm faced with a lot of uncertainty, a lot of fear, and even a lot of logistical demand, so I do have confidence that stepping away is right for me, but I also can't say that I love it, and as I've been tossing and turning with this next step. I have been trying to negotiate, holding on and waiting and like reluctant to let go. And you can see the trap in that. It's almost like I have this picture of like my hands closed, holding on to the podcast and to the, activities that I do week in and week out, creating and producing and doing all of that. And. I'm just really clear that this step for me is an opening of my hands, a loosening, a letting go. And I know that whatever will come next, but it definitely is a step into the uncertain and unknown. And you've probably heard me say many times, we as humans don't like either of those things very much. And so letting go of the certainty of producing the podcast and stepping into the kind of being able to control that, that has been hard. And yet also I know it's good. So what is next for me is maybe a rest, maybe a break. And maybe it's an idea that. I have no idea yet. but I will say that I will keep you updated, particularly if you are on my email list. So maybe you signed up, to be on the waiting list for the Pathway to Peace community. Or maybe you just wanted to stay connected, but, so you'll get those updates. if you're not on the list, join, I don't generally spam people. every once in a while I do. yeah. And so during my time away, I'm going to be, focusing one on myself, and giving myself some spaciousness and rest. But then secondarily, I'm gonna be, Being in community with the path to peace coaching community. And I feel like what really, Lit me up when I thought about the possibility of stepping away is having more capacity to serve the community over there. So if you're listening to this and you're like, dog gone, it, I should have joined, get on the email list and I'll let you know next time we do. And I agree. I think you should have joined. but it's, it's been really fun, seeing the community grow and develop and integrating the new members in what they old and. It's actually been incredible. There's of course a lot of rare disease, but having multiple people that have similar, diagnosis, not necessarily like the base diagnosis, but like the lived experience, it's been like, oh my gosh, like there's three of us in there that experience, hypothalamic obesity or our children do, and it's a pretty rare one. And so it's been crazy to have that occur. Okay. I think as much as I don't want to wrap up, I've actually had this draft, semi ready, all week, and avoiding it like I said, because I know that once I finish recording. I'm gonna think, oh, I wish I said that, or I wish I, maybe I didn't explain it very well. and yet I'm gonna just let go. I'm gonna let go. I'm gonna step into trust and I'm going to invite you to stay connected via the email list. And I wanna thank you for showing up to listen and sharing the podcast with the people that you love. And so I'm gonna say goodbye for now. Thanks for listening.