A Personal and Professional Development Exercise

Embark on a transformative exploration of self-awareness and growth with Brian Shubring, as we peel back the layers of personal evolution. Together, we tackle the complex dance of self-improvement, confronting the pitfalls that can throw us off beat, from the missteps in seeking guidance to the rhythm of consistent, incremental changes. Our candid dialogue illustrates the profound impact of nurturing a relationship with oneself and the power of habits, encouraging you to take those small, yet vital steps towards a fulfilling life.

Peering into the heart of daily routines, this episode illuminates how our own reflections can set the stage for leadership, parenting, and social successes. I share my own coaching experiences, providing a blueprint for executives and anyone eager to craft their day-to-day life with intention. We dissect the intricacies of emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual self-care, demonstrating that the key to personal advancement lies in the steady drumbeat of mindful practices and fostering resilience through life's cacophony.

As the conversation crescendos, we advocate for the art of self-check-ins and the beauty of open discussions with someone who gets you. I recount the courage it takes to face the mirror of trusted feedback and the growth that springs from such vulnerability. By interlacing self-reflection with trusted conversations, we chart a course for developing self-awareness that resonates with authenticity. Let this be your invitation to join a chorus of listeners who are tuning in to the subtle harmonies of their own lives and sign up for our leadership newsletter to amplify your journey even further.

You are invited to join Leadership Vision Online, free to the next 150 members! This new community allows you to connect with like-valued individuals, network, and learn from others while elevating your leadership skills through exclusive resources, live events, Q&As, workshops, and member-led discussions.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

The point of this whole exercise could be that we know, or we could be, the best people to care for ourselves, and how do we ask others to then align with what we need and then give observations from that perspective. Sometimes our own personal development is so difficult, and I think it's because the people that we're asking help from don't understand who we are, don't understand the context from which we are interacting, nor they understand our capacity to do anything. So sometimes helping ourselves is the starting point so that other people can come along and really provide the catalytic influence, because it's aligned with where we're thinking, how we're feeling the desires of our heart and where we are in, how we're feeling the desires of our heart and where it is and where we are in our context right now. And that's where I find some of the most important steps of development for myself don't come from the greatest changes I've made, but in the consistency of someone who's speaking over my shoulder as they're walking alongside me, shoulder as they're walking alongside me.

Speaker 2: 1:06

Welcome to the Leadership Vision Podcast, our show helping you build positive team culture.

Speaker 2: 1:14

I'm your host, nathan Freeberg, and today I get to talk with our founder, brian Shubring, about personal and professional development and, like he said in the intro there, it's less about learning what podcasts you need to listen to, or trainings or books or any things like that. Any of those types of resources is more about understanding and knowing yourself and checking in with yourself and finding other people that can kind of help you progress on in this journey, whatever journey that is, whatever thing it is that you want to grow in or develop in and learn from that. So let's jump into this. You'll hear a little bit of weirdness with Brian's mic at the beginning, but it fixes itself somehow magically. I don't know what happens and we take a little bit of a windy path to get to this, but Brian kind of interviews me and sort of does a demo coaching session. So love your feedback. Leave us an email you can send it to connect at leadershipvisionconsultingcom, check out the show notes for more resources and visit our website at leadershipvisionconsultingcom.

Speaker 1: 2:12

This is the Leadership Vision Podcast. Enjoy, all right. What are we talking about, brian? Personal and professional development, but I'm stuck on. How does this topic really have relevance to the people that are listening? That's where I'm stuck.

Speaker 2: 2:29

Do you feel like personal and professional development is something that everybody knows that they need, and maybe they even have been given money for it, but they're not quite sure what to do, where to start? Like? What does that even mean? We talked with author Rich Horwath about, like, how leaders need to practice, how leaders need to get in some sort of like workout for the skills and attributes and other pieces of their business and leadership life to actually practice, kind of like an athlete would like run laps or lift weights or swim, you know whatever. So I wonder if people just don't know what to do. Like, if you want to go run a 5k, there's a million different workouts online, but if you're a leader who says I want to become a better leader, that's so ambiguous, right?

Speaker 1: 3:14

Even in that scenario, you're placing personal and professional development as a byproduct of someone who's trying to pursue their dreams, or personal professional development could be the byproduct of someone failing at their job. Either way, I think we know internally that there's something about who I am as an individual and there's something about who I am as a professional that would benefit from developing. I think even the word development. Sometimes people have difficulty putting themselves into that situation where development seems to have a time sensitivity to it and just the idea of personal development it is long term. I guess I'm just kind of stuck because I feel what we're experiencing now is a renewed ask for help, and that ask for help is around people being developed as individuals and as professionals, and that ask of us seems to be something that I think is rather intuitive, because I believe that we all need to have that help, but oftentimes we only do it as a reaction to some type of criticism or failure and then we think, okay, now I need some help.

Speaker 2: 4:25

I wonder if it's too transactional or too we think of personal and professional development in the way that we think of hiring, uh like a plumber or an electrician or a carpenter to come fix something in our house, like this outlet's not working. I'm going to look through the yellow pages Yellow pages.

Speaker 2: 4:44

I'm going to Google a. I am not old enough to make that mistake. Let me start over. I'm going to look through Google. Yeah, you are, I'm going to Google. I'm going to Google, I'm going to find an electrician. They're going to come fix this outlet.

Speaker 2: 4:58

Where I wonder if we need to think of personal and professional development more in the terms of like, habit formation. There's an author, james Clear, who talks about in his book Atomic Habits, this idea of setting goals more in the terms of like how do you create different habits and how do you create things that are a part of your daily life? So if you want to become someone who reads more, it's not I'm going to read 10 books this year, 20 books or whatever your goal is it's how do you become someone that every morning, before you start the day, you read a couple pages out of a book that's meaningful? So, personal and professional development you alluded to earlier. Sometimes it's like a disciplinary thing. There's that great, is it?

Speaker 2: 5:39

Adam Sandler, jim Carrey, anger management, where he's like forced to go to some professional development around his anger issues. But that seems finite. That seems like it has a beginning, a middle and an end. Versus I want to become a better leader. I want to become someone who is more generous, empathetic, who listens better, whatever those things are. So how do I find ways every day to practice those things? Does that make sense? Am I going getting off track with this?

Speaker 1: 6:10

What I'm thinking about in my mind is about relationships, and what kind of relationship do we have with ourselves? And when we talk about this idea of developing, do we have the relationship with ourselves where we want to practice something on a daily or weekly basis because we want to grow and we want to develop as an individual? And there's something about that mindset of being in a healthy relationship with ourselves, our emotions, our thoughts and our dreams, that we want to do what we can to nurture those and to bring those dreams and aspirations to some place of reality. And that relationship with ourselves of I'm aware and accepting of the dreams that I hold and I want to have them become a reality. So how do I grow them?

Speaker 1: 6:52

And in that growth process, you will find yourself then relying not only on yourself but relying on the friends that are around you, relying on the voices of affirmation and encouragement. You also be having to rely on voices that could be more judgmental or critical. Either way, you kind of find that these voices create the types of guardrails necessary to guide us in the direction of actually pursuing our dreams. But it's a relationship with ourselves and a respect for who we are, how we're put together what our unique capacities and skills are, and we accept that, and part of what I wrestle with is an awareness of what people need and having right relationship with the things that we need as people, and that list of needs can be pretty complex or pretty fundamental, just depending on which direction you're going. Now, that was a lot.

Speaker 2: 7:48

No, this is good. I'm looking at your calendar today because you said you had back to back to back. You had a bunch of coaching calls this morning, oh dear.

Speaker 1: 7:55

God, it starts at 8 am and I'm curious how do you help others do this?

Speaker 2: 8:01

Because what you said a second ago about identifying what you need, I think sometimes that's the most challenging piece of it. Your spouse, significant other, children, close work colleagues can probably tell you pretty quickly what you need, what they think you need. But how do we get to a point of understanding yeah, here's a gap in my leadership, here's a gap in my parenting, finding yeah, here's a gap in my leadership, here's a gap in my parenting, here's a gap in the way I interact with people in my social circles or in my knowledge of this thing. How do you help the executives that you coach to identify those gaps and then start to close those gaps? Knowing, going back to what we started talking about, this isn't a one and done a. Read this book and now you're understand finances. Listen to this podcast that we did on empathetic listening back in august and you'll be set there. But it's like this process of you know daily habits nathan.

Speaker 1: 8:56

There are so many ways to answer that question and I can't help but asking myself, to start with myself, and asking what do I need and that framework of what I need. I bring that into the practice of trying to listen closely and understand what others are doing so I can help maybe influence their thinking or their feeling in a specific way or their feeling in a specific way. And right now I am just in this place where I'm asking what are the influences in someone's mind, like, what are you thinking about? I'm asking people questions about their emotional state, like what's going on with their heart, how attentive are they to the emotions inside them and around them? So that's an emotional question I'm asking.

Speaker 1: 9:44

I always ask people about you know the physical side, like their body, the typical aches and pains, what they're eating, what they're sleeping or how they're sleeping, and also like some type of transcendent meaning, significant spiritual question about how they're connecting to you. Know something, something or an entity that broadens their perspective and when? When talking about that or doing that kind of assessment for yourself, it really you know something or an entity that broadens their perspective and when talking about that or doing that kind of assessment for yourself. It really helps you understand, like, which of those pieces may be a little out of whack, which then affects, like what you're talking about, nathan, the relationship with your family, the people you live with your children, the communities that you're involved in, because we all know that if one of these areas is kind of out of whack, it's going to influence what you see around you, and I used to begin a lot of you know dialogues by asking you know, what are you noticing and who are you noticing?

Speaker 1: 10:37

And then reverse engineering that back to their thinking and feeling. And now I'm learning from myself to start there. Start with that awareness of where you're at in a nonjudgmental way, fully accepting how it is that you're showing up and then being grateful for the environment that you're in that is supporting you to be able to be present and not feeling threatened.

Speaker 1: 11:01

Now I can go a long way with that, Like my mindfulness coach, has really helped me understand the way I respond and act when I feel threatened versus the way I respond and act when I feel safe and confident. And that has been an eyeopening experience because both of those reactions to the world around me and within me both of those are okay reactions. And how do I allow those reactions to exist without around me and within me? Both of those are okay reactions. And how do I allow those reactions to exist without having to choose one or the other or label them as good or bad.

Speaker 2: 11:33

I wonder this might. I don't want this to derail things, but I wonder who we're talking to here, because are we talking to the person who are we're trying to convince that you need personal and professional development? Are we talking to the person who is on like just, is like, yes, I'm bought in, I'm doing it, give me more resources? Are we talking to the person like yeah, I know I need those things, I know that's important, but I don't really know where to go, because I think what you just said about your mindfulness coach and all that stuff, you're now you're talking to someone who's like okay, I'm already like mindfulness is a thing. I know that's important, I'm bought in, I've gotten over the hurdle of this weird hippy dippy thing. Uh, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1: 12:17

like I don't know if that's if we need to back up from there or maybe the person that I'm thinking of is anybody who is willing to just press pause and ask themselves how am I doing? And some of the ways to ask yourself how am I doing are to consider some fundamental aspects of who we are as human beings and to then ask how well am I doing in each of these areas? And those four areas are how am I doing with my mind, Like, where are my thoughts at? How am I doing in my heart? Where are my emotions and feelings at? How's my body doing and how am I doing with connecting with something bigger than myself, that transcendent, meditative, spiritual side of us as human beings?

Speaker 1: 12:59

You look at those four directions or those four influences, and ask yourself how well am I doing, without needing to put any judgment on that, just to think or to ask yourself what am I thinking about and how is that influencing the way that I interact with other people? How are my emotions influencing the way that I'm thinking and how I'm showing up for myself and for other people? Is there something going on with my body that is causing me to focus primarily on my physical disposition and what's happening with my connection to some bigger perspective and meaning in life, and if any of those connections are loose, that may require some of our time, and then also to not be afraid to say you know what? That's a strong connection for me. I'm great.

Speaker 1: 13:52

I was talking to a guy a little while ago and he has arthritis in his knee. He went to see his therapist, got some work done and he was in pain the next day. But he knew that the pain was going to go away. But for him, the pain right now in his knee was occupying what he was thinking about, how he was feeling about himself and his need for connection, and so my only point is this it's okay to name and identify that part of our life that we maybe focus on right now that's just momentary focus and then also to ask ourselves how is it that we're feeding the rest of our being so that we're showing up in the best way that we can?

Speaker 2: 14:34

I like that. These four areas mind, heart, body, spirit that's something that you could do on a daily basis of. Just how am I doing in each one of those areas to give yourself some sort of a gauge or a level set, or I don't know what you want to call it, but do you do that with leaders, with with the executives that you coach? Do you actually how's your mind, how's your heart?

Speaker 1: 15:33

body. Yeah, in my notes it's the first thing that I talked to him about. You know, like I, you know, just start with like hey, how are you doing? You know, that's kind of how we always start we're laughing about something and then the first set of questions I ask is about them and and and.

Speaker 1: 15:51

What I'm thinking is a simple and comprehensive checking in, without judgment on who you are, because anything is okay and I really don't mind what their answer is. They could be completely distracted intellectually and have a full and grateful heart, meaningful, loving relationships and they're good, and they could not be paying attention to their body, or they can be, I don't know, can be, I don't know. But it's just this way of someone to believe that they have a safe way to check in with themselves. And I feel that the practice of checking in with yourself is going to provide some type of grounding and refocus away from where they were coming from. That's going to help in the rest of our conversation, because then I can talk about other things that we could be there to talk about. But I really want to invite people to ask themselves questions about themselves and their health, and these four elements mind, heart, body, spirit seem to connect with basically anybody.

Speaker 2: 17:04

I'm talking to when we think about personal and professional development, though how does this connect with that? Like, I totally get the personal side of like just checking in with yourself and be like, oh, I thought you were going to tell me all these leadership skills and how to get better at conflict management and change management, and you know. No, these are me skills, me skills. And why are me skills so important?

Speaker 1: 17:34

Because I'm all I got, it's true. So how do I take care?

Speaker 2: 17:36

of myself, that's true. Do we want to run through these?

Speaker 1: 17:40

All right, nathan, the first thing we're talking about your mind. What are you thinking about? Like that's how this, like that's what you find yourself thinking about, what's occupying your intellectual attention, and anything is fine non-judgmentally, just says I'm thinking about that my in-laws are coming over for dinner tomorrow night.

Speaker 2: 17:57

what am I gonna make? I'm thinking about I have a race this weekend. I'm thinking about I got to pick up the kids from school this afternoon. It's like all those things, and then what do you do with that?

Speaker 1: 18:10

then I ask you what's in, what is informing your thought process? If that's what you're thinking about, then what's informing your thought process is a previous experiences. Is it something that you're reading or listening to? Is there a way that you're attaching some thought process to what's capturing your intellectual attention?

Speaker 2: 18:28

it's interesting because I've been thinking a lot in the last probably a couple of years about being present and being mindful and being like in the moment. But too often I find myself like all those things I just rattled off to you are things I'm thinking about right now and I'm supposed to be here with you, and then when I get to the first thing on that list, I'll be thinking about the next thing, and it just kind of keeps going that way and so there is a, I guess, a lack of thinking about what's right in front of me. I mean, I switched right now cause I'm being very intentional about it. Um, and you're answering the question, oh good.

Speaker 1: 19:08

Check. You're answering the question Cause you said here are the things that I am reading, or what I've been reading for the last couple of years.

Speaker 1: 19:16

You talked about why you were focused on that and then you actually talked about then how it's helping you understand. Here I am, here's what I'm thinking about. Then you said I should be thinking about this, and now I'm trying to be present. So that's the application of it. So in that little discussion right there, you did reveal to me what is informing your thinking. Now, because I know you, I would ask questions like is there a certain podcast that you've been listening to that's also informing your thinking? That's a good question and I'm going to follow that one up with because I know you. What are you currently reading? That's also shaping the way you're thinking.

Speaker 2: 19:57

I'll answer that one. So I'm reading the Life that you Always Wanted by Arthur Brooks. That book is really interesting because it's talking about the quote-unquote secret of happiness, which I don't even know why I have this book. Someone recommended it to me, so it's been sitting on my shelf for a long time. I started reading it and it's like co-written with Oprah. So I'm like already rolling my eyes. I'm like, well, I'll just read a little bit.

Speaker 2: 20:20

But it's fascinating because it's basically says the idea of happiness, that being happy is a myth but everyone can be happier. And it's like that idea of like incrementally, and unhappiness isn't the enemy, it like help pushes us. So it's a lot to similar ideas of what we you and I talked about in a previous podcast. Um, maybe this is when you record in hawaii about like the obstacle, like the thing in front of you is actually maybe the thing that you need to help get to the next thing. And so I've been thinking a lot about that as I get upset about certain things and be like, oh, this is just part of it, this is just part of life, this is just part of what we're doing here. Happiness is not a goal or not the thing it's, I guess I don't know the pursuit of it or whatever. That's so lame and corny.

Speaker 1: 21:09

Right, which leads into the second part of this is what are you feeling right now? What are some of the dominant, you know emotions or emotional experiences that you find yourself paying attention to, enjoying or being frustrated by?

Speaker 2: 21:27

How do I say this? How do I say this? I'm really finding it interesting and fun to figure out how to help my kids with their homework. Before I thought it was this like this had to be this, like battle or like this fight, but it's like no, how can we set up some systems and like routines and habits and all that stuff kind of talking about earlier, and I realized I like doing that in all areas of life. I like doing that, uh, with our pantry, with our podcast schedule, with my running schedule, with um. You know we've been working to get more guests on the podcast.

Speaker 2: 22:14

So like just that idea of it's almost like a little game of how do I put some sort of systems in place to accomplish this thing, that I want to do so with my kids. It's like all right, that'd be great if you got straight A's and perfect scores, but it's more about like getting everything turned in and doing your best and so all right if you start your spelling on Monday for the Friday test. That's better than waiting till Thursday night. So I'm just finding a lot of joy and fun and like having that level of preparedness. And then also it's like if things don't go as planned. It's also being like okay, so what can we learn from this?

Speaker 2: 22:54

Um, how do we adjust and adapt next time? Like, if I have a bad workout one day on a run, it's like okay, well, you didn't sleep. Well, you had two extra people in bed with you last night, one of whom had their feet in your face for a little bit. So, yeah, of course, you're not going to have a good run. So next time, how do we adjust for that? This really turned into I didn't want this to turn into like a personal me coaching session, but we're doing this to, like, show others. I guess I don't know what's happening here.

Speaker 2: 23:23

You are actually doing that. What's happening here?

Speaker 1: 23:27

And so with that, you were talking about the joy and satisfaction as a feeling that comes from helping your children figure out how to do their homework better, and you also blended into that how you're thinking about that, so there's obviously the connection that's drawn to that. Then you also without me having to invite you there started talking about how your physical well-being and what's happening with your body then affects how it is that you're interacting with your chosen. He talked about whether you have a difficult workout or not, or not getting enough sleep. So is there something about, um, your physical wellbeing that also helps you or that you're paying attention to right now?

Speaker 2: 24:05

I've been working with a running coach the last almost a year. It's been amazing, like the, the, the workouts that he's given me. But it's also forced me to realize that I can't just go out and do uh like the workout prescribed. I also have to pay attention to how am I cooling down, warming up, uh, stretching after I stretch before bed? Now, like an old man, it feels like what are you doing?

Speaker 2: 24:29

uh before bed, not in bed before bed. Uh, I'm being just paying a lot more attention to what I'm eating, and, and sleep is the big one, and so for me that's, that's a whole. I won't get into it, but that involves a lot of things, and so if I kind of do all the things that I can do and I still don't get a great night of sleep because of, again, kids coming in or just whatever, I kind of like well, I well I did my best, like I'm doing everything I can do Um, where before you know like, oh man, I'm so tired I didn't get a good night's sleep.

Speaker 2: 24:59

It's like, yeah, well, you were eating right before bed. You're on your phone before bed. You're like all these you know bad, bad sleep habits. So, and then I think, what's also like informing, that is like the way I'm showing up here for you, present awake, or the way I'm showing up for my kids, or the way I'm showing up for stuff at the kids school that I'm involved with, or even just friends and family in general, is like I know I'm cranky if I eat certain things. I know I'm cranky if I um, you know, don't get outside very much if I'm not moving my body, so it's all. I'm being more aware of all those things. I guess, um, does that make sense? Is that even?

Speaker 1: 25:40

what we're talking about.

Speaker 2: 25:41

I'm more aware of the connection of how I show up for people and how I'm taking care of my body.

Speaker 1: 25:51

And in the midst of all that, is there anything that you're practicing that's helping you move back away from or outside of that bubble that you just invited us into, that bubble being what's informing your thinking? The podcast, you're listening to. The books that you're reading, the troubleshooting with your kids in your homework, the workouts, the eating, the sleeping. Is there anything that you're reading? The troubleshooting with your kids in your homework, the workouts, the eating, the sleeping. Is there anything that you do that's helping you get beyond, that? That's helping you understand? You know that you matter, that your life matters and that there's some other type of connection that is a life-giving connection for you.

Speaker 2: 26:29

Do you mean anything about like friends relationships? Sure, sure, forgiving connection for you? Do you mean anything about like friends relationships? Sure, sure, sure. Um, yeah, I mean, I get together this group of other dads on thursday nights. Sometimes it's just bsing, talking about movies and music and whatever, and sometimes it's much more, much deeper, meaningful, uh discussion, and that's that thursday night time is also is almost treated like sacredly of, like, if my wife has something, we, you know, try to find child care, so that you know I can go do that because it's it is meaningful, because I think sometimes I can get too much in my own head or get too in that bubble, as you said, and so it's helpful to get outside perspective on certain things. Is that what you're talking about?

Speaker 1: 27:11

yeah, because if I'm interpreting what you're saying, I'm interpreting that the experience that you're having on Thursday nights is helping you reconnect with the part of you that's not having its needs met during the week, a sense of shared experience, a sense of relationship and friendship, a place where you can talk about whatever you're going to talk about, then all of a sudden realize, hey, I'm not crazy.

Speaker 1: 27:41

I'm not the only person that's thinking this, a way for your heart, your mind, your spirit to open itself up in a way to hear different voices and to live through the shared stories. Just something else that's not your own and that feeds us in a way that helps us be more healthy when we have to get back and and be close to those that we're doing life with on a day-to-day basis, yeah, and just provide perspective.

Speaker 2: 28:09

I mean mean, you know, whenever you hear In what way. Well, I think sometimes I can get Maximizer is one of my strengths, so I can get very maximizer about certain things or be like, oh, this thing in my life isn't perfect. And then someone else shares a story and you're like, wow, I should not be complaining about this thing, that I've got like in the 90th percentile of awesomeness, and not that it's like thank god, I'm not as bad as that person. But it's just sometimes you get two in your own head and two like there's blinders, and you're like this thing has to be a certain way or these, you know, this people has to be. You know, whatever it is, um, so that's so it happens.

Speaker 2: 28:49

So it feels like you're wearing blinders uh, well, it can like it when you can like it, really focused on like a certain specific thing, and realize, oh, this doesn't need to be maximized to a hundred. A hundred percent like this is great the way it is, and any more time and energy I spend trying to perfect this unperfectable thing is just going to take away from something else so, when you're in that hyper focused moment and perfection seems to be just a fingertip away, are there any signs that happen within you or around you, that you are actually drifting?

Speaker 2: 29:31

towards the abyss. Oh yeah, I just I can feel it in my body. I can feel this like really this drive, or just like. No, this thing has to be this way. It's hard to describe, but it is a.

Speaker 1: 29:44

It is a bodily feeling of like so, just in talking about this, is there there anything that's coming to your mind that you're thinking, man? If I could change this right now, man, that'd be beneficial for me.

Speaker 2: 30:01

We're still playing this game, you know, I don't know, I don't know. You know we're talking about personal and professional development and for me, I think it is there's an element and I was reading this this morning about there's an element of like feelings and emotions, or data points, and we me get to kind of decide, like what we're going to do with that. Am I going to freak out? Am I going to downplay it? Am I going to have some appropriate level of response, Whatever that is, whether that's. You know, our podcast numbers are way up this month. Now they're way down. This guest that we wanted to get said no, this other, like this thing happened. It's like okay, what do I do with that? How do I respond to it?

Speaker 2: 30:55

And so if I could change one thing, it would be having a more and this is maybe more on a personal level, but just maybe a more even response to things, or or or having the ability to pause long enough to say, like well, what does this? What response does this actually warrant? Like, what is the bigger picture? Am I going to?

Speaker 2: 31:10

care about this in 10 minutes, in an hour, next week. Um, you know, it's interesting when the kids fight over something that they got in like a happy meal or at the dollar store and they're you you'd think it like. So my point is just sometimes like we get really excited in a negative, really like upset about things, that just this doesn't matter. This is a junky little stupid toy that's literally broken.

Speaker 1: 31:46

So I don't know if that answers your question, but if I you're recognizing what's happening in your body as a signal that something emotional has been triggered with you that then has caused you to begin to think into whatever it is that's happening. And then you even said you know, am I thinking into it too much? Or you know how? Am I spinning this? Not, those are my words, not yours, but that was a demonstration of the four things that I just asked you about. People, whether they're mindful of it or not, they want their life to matter, and when their subconscious or their consciousness begins to feel like their significance or their meaning is beginning to slip, that's something that can easily trigger us into some type of reaction that will cause us to cling on to things more than we'd maybe cling on to if we had thought about it. What I think is important in this conversation today is that we each have the ability to recognize when this is happening. I think sometimes the pausing and asking ourselves what's happening around me, what's happening within me, what can I control, what is out of my control, just that pause is only maybe like five to ten seconds, but even that can allow you to give yourself permission to stop. You know that, that cyclical treadmill that we can easily get on about not feeling like we're good enough, not feeling like we're trying hard enough that we need to do something else, when we actually have the ability to pause and get a much clearer perspective on what's really happening. And even in this process right now, you slowed down, you paused, you reflected and then you even said to yourself like, if I look at a different way, you're bringing yourself more clarity. What I think that I like to invite people into is some type of practice where they realize that the clarity that they're looking for, even the compassion that they're seeking, is within them, that they know what they need for clarity, they know how to take care of themselves, and in this conversation that we've had, you've demonstrated several times that you know what to do, and all I was doing was reflecting back on the things that you already said.

Speaker 1: 34:10

And so I think that when we with development, the point of this whole exercise could be that we know, or we could be, the best people to care for ourselves, and how do we ask others to then align with what we need and then give observations from that perspective. Sometimes our own personal development is so difficult, and I think it's because the people that we're asking help from don't understand who we are, don't understand the context from which we are interacting, nor they understand our capacity to do anything. So sometimes helping ourselves is the starting point so that other people can come along and really provide the catalytic influence, because it's aligned with where we're thinking, how we're feeling, the desires of our heart and where we are in our context right now. And that's where I find some of the most important steps of development for myself don't come from the greatest changes I've made, but in the consistency of someone who's speaking over my shoulder as they're walking alongside me.

Speaker 2: 35:16

Well, and I wonder if that's the call to action here. To wrap this up, is this idea of a daily reflection on these four things Tie it to some sort of context, like you have here of you?

Speaker 2: 35:29

know, what's informing that, what is changing that, who are the people around you? Like all of those sorts of things and then become really intentional about that. If you're the type of person who wants to become a more empathetic listener I want to listen to my teammates, I want to listen to the folks that I'm leading, whatever more I want to pause before responding. I want to you know, whatever it is around that I think that's going to take some of this intentionality to reflect on a daily basis, but also to write some things down. So did I, you know, today during the staff meeting I am going to, you know, think before I respond, like, write these things down, have the staff meeting and then at the end of the day, like did I do that?

Speaker 2: 36:17

You can't get better at something if you don't put those types of things in place, and that's why I think I like running so much. Well, there's a variety of reasons, but the watch gives you immediate feedback on if you did that, that repeat, if you did that mile, if you did whatever in the way that you wanted it Like. Very other few things in life are that you know specific and immediate feedback. So my call to action would be twofold.

Speaker 1: 36:41

One I like your idea, nathan, of practicing for yourself the questions around these four elements mind, heart, body, spirit. And you know what kind of streak can you put together? Is it three days, four days, five days in a row? Just the practice of what am I thinking? What am I feeling? How's my body doing? How am I connecting to something bigger than myself?

Speaker 1: 37:02

That's the first call to action is to serve yourself and to care for yourself in a way that will only take a few minutes.

Speaker 1: 37:10

The second call to action is to practice that with somebody else and to speak in the first person. So, from your perspective and the goal is to not have a dialogue about the four ideas the goal is to share where we are at right now in each of those four elements. And then, obviously, the second part of that is then to converse about you know what each of you are saying, because I think that practice right there puts you in a conversation with someone that could, that you probably trust to have this level of conversation, that you would then welcome their insight or their input or observations on what it is that you're saying. And that, to me, is the whole purpose of having that conversation, and that is have someone who knows you share their perspective on what it is that you're expressing in that moment, because I think that can be some of the most helpful guardrails or signposts that we can have on our journey. That will really help us make some progress.

Speaker 2: 38:20

You know it's interesting and maybe I'll cut this out, but at the Thursday night thing, one of the dads made a comment to another dad about something. And then one of the dads, a few days later I saw him at a birthday party and he was like, hey, when I said the thing, did I sound this way? I didn't mean to sound that way. I think sometimes I do this thing and I don't want to be that guy and I was just like that. That took a lot of bravery and guts to be like, hey, I don't know if I came off the way I wanted to in this scenario, did what did you think about that? And I kind of was like, oh no, it was fine, it was fine. But I was thinking about it later I was like, actually, yeah, he does kind of do this certain times and I really like this guy, and so I'm trying to now think how to go back and be like, because he was essentially asking for coaching, lack of a better term in that moment.

Speaker 2: 39:07

And so I'm like, what is my role as a friend to be like? You know, sometimes you do kind of do this thing, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but if you're clearly aware of it and sensitive to it and so but I bring that up because, to what you were just saying, it was like I think that I could use that certain times with certain people and to have the guts to be like, hey, sometimes I can be this way, Can you call me on it? If you see it, I think that can be a way to really grow in your personal and professional development is just to have the courage to say, hey, I kind of want to change in this area and please help me with that.

Speaker 2: 39:47

So be that with dads at beer night or your colleagues at work, your spouse, your coach, whoever that may be.

Speaker 1: 39:57

That's interesting, because I'm of the mindset that if someone is asking you for your observation, your help or your insight, I assume that whatever I'm going to say, they've heard before.

Speaker 1: 40:11

That's a good point, or they're already thinking yeah, somewhere there's a voice, and I also would say, if you're thinking it, that internal voice has been informed by an external voice. So if you are to the point of asking for help, I sometimes think that that means they're ready. Yeah, or I'm just going to be someone that just puts another mark on the road saying you know, I said the same thing Because I just don't believe that I'm going to be the first person to make the observation of someone's behavior or their tone or their attitude or something that they believe in.

Speaker 2: 40:51

Well, brian, thank you. This has been a very windy, all over the place sort of, but also, I think, informative and helpful episode, as people maybe think a little bit about their personal and professional development and not just what book or conference or podcast do I need to do to sort of help me learn this skill and then just be done with it, move on to the next skill and the next skill. So thank you for listening to the Leadership Vision Podcast, our show helping you build positive team culture. Our consulting firm has been doing this for the past 25 years so that leaders are mentally engaged and emotionally healthy, and if you found value from this episode or any of our other resources, we would love it. If you could do one or two or all of the following things Leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. It really helps other people find a show and enjoy these resources.

Speaker 2: 41:43

You can also join our free email newsletter. Just go to our website, leadershipvisionconsultingcom. Sign up there. We send out an email every week with information about, like I said earlier, how to be a better leader, how to build positive team culture, how to grow in your strengths, how to grow in the strengths of your team and just kind of how to live a better life in general. Forward this information on to someone that you think might just really appreciate growing deeper in their own strengths and kind of the strengths and health of their team or in their whole organization. I'm Nathan Freberg.

Speaker 1: 42:21

And I am Brian Schubring.

Speaker 2: 42:22

And on behalf of our entire team thanks for listening.