Get Your Hopes Up #45

"If you don’t allow yourself to be excited about what you want most, then what are you going to get excited about?"

In this brief episode, I discuss two problem with the idea "don't get your hopes up," and two positive ideas to consider instead.

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Transcript

The Phrase "Don't get your hopes" can be debilitating, whether you're telling it to yourself or someone else, or a person is telling it to you. This saying is often used because people don't want themselves or others to be hurt, feel disappointed, etc. At other times, people use this saying maliciously, with the intent to bring the person who is aiming up, down. In this episode, I'm going to try my best to make clear why this mindset is very dangerous to adopt and adhere to. 

Many people, including myself, struggle with this thought process, especially when they reach the point of being almost entirely drained. When things aren't looking up, it's easy to start attacking ourselves with ideas like "I won't succeed" and/or "I'm not good enough." Most everyone has been there at some point, and that makes it a great topic for a podcast!

There are at least two serious issues with this philosophy. Let's consider the first, and then look at a powerful idea that we can replace it with. Initially, the idea that you shouldn't get your hopes up limits you from ever fully committing to your goals. If in the process of working for a desired outcome, you tell yourself that it's not going to work out and that you shouldn't look forward to it, you're going to have a hard time getting excited about it. This lack of inspiration will in turn make it more difficult to commit the necessary time and effort required to hit the target you are aiming for. Instead of thinking about how great it once you succeed, you'll likely imagine the worst happening. Who wants that? 

Here are two things you can do to counter this negative idea. First of all, recognize that roadblocks will trigger this kind of thinking, and that these roadblocks are INEVITABLE. Is it possible to consider challenges not as harmful, but helpful? After all, aren't new challenges perfect opportunities for us to cultivate higher qualities? Aren't those obstacles an actual step in our journey to success? It is in your power to consider them in such a way. 

Secondly, YOU CAN GET YOUR HOPES UP. This will create the opposite effect for you. Feeling hopeful and having faith that you can create an outcome is going to push you to act accordingly. Take a second to imagine that it will all work out. My background on my laptop is four different pictures: My dream home, the vacation home I want, the place I went to a travel to, and the business I want to build up. Every time I see it, I feel joyous just at the mere thought out it, and this makes me want to work for it. If you allow yourself to get your hopes up, you'll be able to take those first few steps and you'll have an easier time in the midst of difficulties. Ask yourself this: If I don't allow myself to be excited about what I want most, then what am I going to be excited about? Allow yourself to be excited so that you can commit your entire being to creating success.

Now, let's address the second reason this mindset is so harmful. It is closely related to the first. If you tell yourself not to get your hopes up, it could lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy that will cripple your growth. Here is a definition straight from wikipedia: "A self fulfilling prophecy is the psychological phenomenon of someone 'predicting' or expecting something, and this 'prediction' or expectation coming true simply because the person's resulting behaviors align to fulfill the belief." In other words, you will have a poor outcome because of the beliefs you had at the start. Your actions will work in accordance with those beliefs, and you will fail. Like me, you have probably said "It didn't work out just like I thought it would." Was that just because we never gave ourselves a chance by not believing in ourselves at the start? Could it have gone differently if we we adopted a different frame of mind?

Whether we realize it or not, our thoughts influence our behavior. If you have negative thoughts about your goals, you'll likely half-ass it, make mistakes you wouldn't normally make, tell yourself it wasn't meant to be, and ultimately, you'll fail, without realizing that your poor attitude and effort is what caused this. 

The solution to this is, again, adopting the opposite frame of mind. If the lack of belief hurts us, the ownership of the belief will assist us.  If you allow yourself to belief that you're capable of making it happen, you'll act accordingly. You'll take bigger steps more consistently, and this will lead you to places to you never imagined. Maybe you aren't there right now, and that's okay. Start with the belief that it's possible, and go from there.

This mindset is worth cultivating. Like anything of value, it will take time to do so. It won't happen overnight. You have to work at it. With patient effort, you'll "catch yourself" when you slip into negativity, and finally start believing in yourself. When that happens, you're on the right track. 

I hope this episode helped you. Here is a great quote by Albert Einstein  to wrap it up:

“All meaningful and lasting change starts in your imagination 

and then works its way out"

Until next time, #takechargeofyourbeing

Ian