Vernita L. Bowe is a survivor. As a smaller-than-average child, she experienced bullying in school. When she grew up she married the wrong man and wasn’t able to get out of that marriage for 24 years, three kids later.
Parenting has been about huge loves and losses for Vernita. Her middle son landed in prison, and four years ago her oldest son Byron died in a car accident.
“You really don't wanna bury your children. But what I've learned is all of the promises are gone…all of the things that you and he were gonna do together…and all of the things that he wanted to do with his life. All gone…and let me tell you something. People say that you should get over a loss and I just wanna say this for the listening audience: You never get over a loss. You learn how to live beyond it. But you never really get over it.”
After Byron died, the griefs kept coming. Byron’s godfather and Vernita’s mentor died, and then her mother…next she and her father contracted COVID at the same time and ended up in the hospital, both on ventilators. Unfortunately, Vernita’s dad passed away while she was still on the ventilator.
In spite of the great griefs she has suffered…or because of them…Vernita has embraced life and is living it to its fullest! She recently got a passport and took her very first airplane flight! That’s just the beginning of the living and traveling she has planned for herself.
Please drop me a line at marie@fertilegroundcommunications.com or on social media to let us know what you thought about this episode.
I help professional services firms avoid BORING and boost employee engagement, productivity, and readership. I translate technical, complex, and lackluster language into accessible, dynamic, story-driven text. Get known in your industry through outstanding thought leadership content. Walk your talk through outstanding, effective communications with your employees and clients.
As a podcaster for justice, I stand with my sisters from the Women of Color Podcasters Community. We are podcasters united to condemn the tragic murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and many others at the hands of police.
Fertile Ground Communications LLC is a certified women-owned business enterprise, disadvantaged business enterprise, and emerging small business.
Vernita L. Bowe is a survivor. As a smaller-than-average child, she experienced bullying in school. When she grew up she married the wrong man and wasn’t able to get out of that marriage for 24 years, three kids later.
Parenting has been about huge loves and losses for Vernita. Her middle son landed in prison, and four years ago her oldest son Byron died in a car accident.
“You really don't wanna bury your children. But what I've learned is all of the promises are gone…all of the things that you and he were gonna do together…and all of the things that he wanted to do with his life. All gone…and let me tell you something. People say that you should get over a loss and I just wanna say this for the listening audience: You never get over a loss. You learn how to live beyond it. But you never really get over it.”
After Byron died, the griefs kept coming. Byron’s godfather and Vernita’s mentor died, and then her mother…next she and her father contracted COVID at the same time and ended up in the hospital, both on ventilators. Unfortunately, Vernita’s dad passed away while she was still on the ventilator.
In spite of the great griefs she has suffered…or because of them…Vernita has embraced life and is living it to its fullest! She recently got a passport and took her very first airplane flight! That’s just the beginning of the living and traveling she has planned for herself.
Please drop me a line at marie@fertilegroundcommunications.com or on social media to let us know what you thought about this episode.
I help professional services firms avoid BORING and boost employee engagement, productivity, and readership. I translate technical, complex, and lackluster language into accessible, dynamic, story-driven text. Get known in your industry through outstanding thought leadership content. Walk your talk through outstanding, effective communications with your employees and clients.
As a podcaster for justice, I stand with my sisters from the Women of Color Podcasters Community. We are podcasters united to condemn the tragic murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor and many others at the hands of police.
Fertile Ground Communications LLC is a certified women-owned business enterprise, disadvantaged business enterprise, and emerging small business.
Vernita Bowe is a survivor. As a smaller than average child. She experienced bullying in school, When she grew up, she married the wrong man, and wasn't able to get out of that marriage for 24 years, three kids later. And parenting has been about huge loves and losses for Vernita. Her middle son landed in prison and four years ago, her oldest son Byron died in a car accident.
After Byron died, the griefs kept coming. Byron's godfather and Vernita's mentor died. And then her mother. Next, she and her father contracted COVID at the same time. And ended up in the hospital, both on ventilators. Unfortunately, Vernita's dad passed away while she was still in the ventilator.
Welcome to the finding fertile ground podcast, where I discover stories of people finding their fertile ground through sheer grit and resilience. I'm your host, Marie Gettel-Gilmartin. And this podcast is brought to you by fertile ground communications. I help professional services firms avoid boring and boost employee engagement, productivity, and readership.
I translate technical complex and laugh. Lester language into accessible dynamic story driven text. I alternate this finding fore ground podcast with my other podcast companies that care, which is about business leaders, making a difference in the world, check out www fertile ground communications.com for more details.
This week on the Finding Fertile Ground podcast. I interview Vernita Bowe, who has taken her many griefs and traumas and transformed them into a new lease on life. Let's hear her story.
[00:01:35] Marie: hi, Vernita. I'm so glad you've joined us on the Finding Fertile Ground podcast today.
[00:01:40] Vernita: Hi Marie. Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure
to be here.
[00:01:43] Marie: . I can't wait to hear your story. Let's just dive right in. Can you share with our listeners about your childhood?
[00:01:50] Vernita: So I grew up in a little town, little city called Danville, Virginia, and. My childhood was pretty good. It was just, Different for me, cuz I was a middle child. I felt like I was different.
My mom was a office manager, most of her life and my dad worked in the mill for years. And then he, retired from there and he worked in a grocery store. But growing up I was, Really tiny, really, really small, like thin . And so, school was not fun for me because I was bullied a lot.
But you know, I enjoyed getting outta school and coming home because I could just be at home, even though I was still a loner. I was more to myself. I think that comes with being a middle child, but I had a pretty good childhood, not too bad.
[00:02:36] Marie: You were telling my story cuz I was very thin and small as well. When I graduated from high school, I I weighed 85 pounds and I was like five foot
tall.
[00:02:45] Vernita: Me too. I was 85 and five, two
really?
[00:02:48] Marie: Oh my you're even skinnier than I was then. Oh my gosh. Of course. That is no longer the
case.
[00:02:55] Vernita: oh, oh, absolutely not after three children and years and years and years. No,
[00:03:01] Marie: I was really tiny and I. also had a clef lip and palette, and I was a target for bullies in junior high. I hated junior high. So I could totally hear you.
[00:03:10] Vernita: I had a speech impediment, so I had to go to speech classes too.
So that, and being small and my feet being bigger than my body. It was a lot going on. So yeah, I was bullied a lot in school and it changed a lot when I got to high school because by then everybody was everybody people saw you for who you were really.
Ah, right. Wasn't not that much bullying going on, but elementary school and middle school. Ugh.
[00:03:32] Marie: It's horrible. And I think it really does make us stronger.
[00:03:35] Vernita: it really does. And bullies are so mean, but what I've come to realize is that people who are bullying really do feel bad about themselves.
Totally. They need to help themselves. And they do that as a way to cry out. You
know?
[00:03:48] Marie: I agree. I still remember the name of my bullies. I look them up on Facebook sometimes.
[00:03:53] Vernita: oh yeah. I remember the names of mine too. And I remember one time when I was in middle school, this girl wanted to fight me.
I didn't know how to fight. I was not a fighter but she just picked me out because, when you start being bullied, Everybody knows it. So she just picked me out. She said, I'm gonna meet you after school and I'm gonna beat you up. I said, You going do what she said, you're gonna get beat up after school.
So just get ready. So I didn't know what to do because I didn't go to the principal, because you know, that made it worse. If you told right. An adult figure, it made it worse. So I told my girlfriend and she said, don't worry about it. So we just gonna get in mom's call.
We're gonna go home right after school. We're not gonna have to worry about it. How about she was waiting for me outside the door. Wow. But luckily the girl's mom was standing there also. So we got in the car and went home and the next day it was like nothing had even happened. It made her feel good to instill that fear in people.
[00:04:45] Marie: Right, it was like some sort of power, I think. Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, you have endured a ton of obstacles in your life. I mean when you filled out my form, like, oh man, how has she survived all this? So will you share your grit and resilience story with us?
[00:05:00] Vernita: Yes, ma'am I am a survivor.
I think it started back. I married a man who I shouldn't have married first of all. And I knew that when I married him, but you know how you think you can change people. right. Didn't work. And I stayed in the marriage too long, but I was married for 24 years. And after 24 years I was divorced.
it was not a good marriage. It was really not. And I gave so much of myself to him until I lost myself in the marriage and trying to come back from that has been really hard. I've done it, but it was really, really hard. But we had three beautiful, beautiful children from that marriage and they, my heart and soul.
But after the divorce in 2009, my middle son rebelled. And he ended up in prison, for three and a half years, but God is great because for what he done, he was supposed to spend 35 years. Did his time came out, was doing well. Then in 2000 and. 18. My oldest child, my first born, died as a result of tragic car accident.
[00:06:02] Marie: Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry.
[00:06:04] Vernita: Really, really tough. You know, it's not so much as the death, you know, you really don't wanna bury your children. But what I've learned is all of the promises are gone.
Mm. All of the things that you. And he were gonna do together. They're they're gone. They're no more. And all of the things that he wanted to do with his life, he would've been 30 years old that year. He died on June 15th. We were planning my birthday party. So he died on June 15th. My birthday is June 18th. Oh, I know every,
[00:06:33] Marie: your birthday's probably never the same. Right.
[00:06:35] Vernita: And let me tell you something. People say that you should get over a loss and I just wanna say this for the listening audience.
You never get over a loss. You learn how to live beyond. But you never really get over it. You know what
I mean? Absolutely. Absolutely.
So we were planning my birthday party . And I get a call from the police on June 14th.
It's around 11 o'clock at night. And he says, are you Byron Slade's mother? I said, yeah. He said, he's been in a terrible car accident and they are flighting him to Baptist hospital in Winston, North Carolina. And I didn't know what to say. I was like, excuse me.
He said, you need to go to the hospital. And I said, well, how was he when he said you need to go to the hospital? They wouldn't tell me anything. So of course I was divorced at the time, but I called my ex. And I told him what had happened. And he actually came through and picked me up and we went to the hospital in Winston and we had to wait and wait.
And wait, because I guess they were getting him ready or whatever on the bed. And we just waited and waited and that waiting time. Oh man, it seemed like it was four hours. And it was really only about 30 minutes. but it just seemed like forever because everything is going through your head. Is he not?
Okay? Is he okay? What's wrong with him. How does he look? How does he feel? I just wanna hold my baby. I just wanna touch him and all that's going through your head. And then when I finally get back there and he's hooked up to life support, I lose it.
[00:08:02] Marie: Oh, I'm so sorry.
That's just awful.
[00:08:05] Vernita: I do. I lose it. and I said, but he's so warm
and she said, they said, yeah, all his vitals are good. His blood pressure's good heart. Rate's good. You know, he's gonna be warm and everything I said, but why is he hooked up to the life support? They said, we're just trying to help him breathe. Never would tell me what was really going on.
So, I just sat there. I just sat there and I told my ex, you need to go get his brother and his sister. They need to be here. This was the next morning. Cause I sat there all night. I wasn't going anywhere.
And the next morning, He went and got them and brought them back and they came in and tears just started flowing. so we just sat there. I called my, God dad. Because that was his first grandson. That was his heart . I called him and told him what was going on. I remember the doctor coming in and said, we're gonna perform one more test, and this will let us know how we can help Aron. so they did a test and.
Something with his brain and with his ear, I really don't know what the test was, and then they called his name really loudly three times and he didn't respond and they did something else and he didn't respond and he looked at me and he said, your son is gone.
[00:09:09] Marie: Oh, So horrible.
[00:09:12] Vernita: I just froze. I said, what do you mean gone?
I just talked to him . I said, I just talked to him. What do you mean gone? And he said his blood pressure and, heart rate. All of that is fine, but he's brain dead. He cannot recover from this. There's no response to his brain at all.
[00:09:31] Marie: Mm-hmm period. Oh my gosh.
[00:09:33] Vernita: And I just lost it. I didn't know whether to cry, whether to scream? Was it a run? Was it to hit somebody? I didn't know what to do, but I know, I felt like I was falling apart. I just felt like I was falling apart. And that was just a very hard time.
I remember being at the funeral and not showing any emotion whatsoever and his Papa. My godfather is the one who preached the funeral. When he stood up to preach. He said, Vanita, I just wanna thank you for your strength has really carried the rest of us through this time because
They really thought I was doing okay. but inside I was a straight up mess. IUs just all the pieces. But in time it has gotten better. I used to cry around that time of the year, but now I get joy. Cause I think about all the things that he liked, all the things that we liked, all the things that we did together and he was a comedian to his right.
So I started laughing about all the things he said that really didn't make sense. Like wise a banana not called a yellow and an orange is called an orange, you know, crazy things like that. but. But, you know, I can deal with it better now. It's still hard sometimes.
[00:10:37] Marie: Oh, I'm sure it will always be.
I have three kids in my own and I can't imagine how you must have felt to go through that.
[00:10:43] Vernita: not long after that. His, Papa was sick at the time that he did the funeral and he mustered his strengths to do that funeral and did a magnificent job. But right after that, he ended up in hospital.
And he died inApril .
He never had children never married. So he adopted boys. Raised him. And they became his sons and their children became his grandchildren. So then he died in April . Here. I am along with a couple of his sons planning for another funeral. Now he was my mentor.
In ministry. He was a great friend. He called me daughter. We just really became close. So then he was gone. So, during this whole time though, my mom had dementia and my dad had his own health challenges.
so we were caregivers for my mom and oh my God, my dad was doing a great job until he became to a place where he couldn't do it anymore. So me and my three sisters became their caregivers and my mom's dementia got worse and she had several bouts in the hospital. And the last time in October, she went to the hospital.
I believe it was on a Sunday . And, they told us that she would have to go into hospice when she came home. So we came home on a Thursday the hospice nurse came over and by Monday she was gone. My son died in 2018.
My father-in-law godfather died in 2019. My mom died in 2019 October. And. At that same time, I'm in school, full time in seminary. And at the time of her death, I was in the process of purchasing a home.
[00:12:12] Marie: Oh
my gosh, Vernita, how have you survived?
[00:12:15] Vernita: I just dunno. It had to be God, I could not have done this under my own strength.
I'm trying to move out of an apartment into a home, cleaning up the apartment, going back and forth from North Carolina to Virginia, to the hospital, to the home.
It was just something to behold. It had to be God. I remember the night that my sisters called me, it was like, 10 30 at night. And they said, Nita. They said, we don't know what to do. They said, mom, she's just laying here. And she's breathing really hard.
We don't know what to do. I said, stay close to her. Mm. Cause I knew what was happening. Just be there for her. Stay close to her. When she talks, talk to her , sing to her, do whatever you would do when you're sitting there with her.
Just be there for her. I said, I'm coming home. I'll be there shortly. I got by mom's bedside and she grabbed my hand and she said, I. Nita you here.
I said, yeah, she said, I've been waiting for you. Oh, I said, you've been waiting for me. She said, yeah. I said, how do you feel? She said, I'm so scared. I said, mama, you're not scared. She said, no, I just wanted to say that. See what you would say. So she was in really good spirits and she understood what was going on.
but getting my sisters and my dad to that point was something else. Thankfully, we were all there when she passed. She was in a hospital bed, but she was at home where she wanted to be. She died like a couple of weeks before her birthday.
So my dad and my mom had been together over 60 years at this time. And you didn't see one without seeing the other. So he took it really, really hard. but I told him, I said, I'm coming home, my mom's birthday. And we going out to do breakfast. Well, that didn't happen because I get a phone call that morning and said, dad's in the hospital.
They think he may have had a stroke. Oh, my gosh. I said no. So it turned out that it wasn't a stroke. It was just the way that he was grieving and he just blanked out and did some things that were outta his character and he had to be hospitalized for about a week. But he grieved until he passed.
So he was the next one to pass in.
July of the next year.
We think my sister may have contracted COVID at work, my baby sister. We're not really sure where she got it. But at that time she was only going, working home cause she works out of town so she would drive in and drive back, drive in and drive.
so she got sick and my dad was staying with her at the time because the air conditioner was out at his house. So he was staying with her. She got started feeling really sick . So she told my oldest sister, she said, come pick up dad. She said, I'm just too weak to take care of him. so she, my oldest sister came and picked up my dad.
Well, she finds out a few days later that she had COVID. So guess what happened? My oldest sister gets COVID. My dad has COVID and because we were all caregivers for my dad, we all get COVID. Ugh. But it took it a while to show up in my older sister and myself, and we didn't know, my dad had COVID until
they took him to the hospital. He couldn't get out the bed. And He died in the hospital while I was on the ventilator.
Oh, he was on the ventilator. He died and I was on the ventilator for 16 days. 13 days on, in a coma and three days out of the coma. during those 13 days he passed. When I got off the ventilator, they couldn't tell me. We had the best doctor in the world.
I kept saying, I need to know about my dad. How's my dad doing? I knew we were both in ICU. I said, how's my dad. And they wanted to make sure I was strong. So that I wouldn't COVID is a tricky animal.
You can relapse really quickly. So he finally came in and sat down beside my bed. I didn't grabbed my hand. And he said, have your sisters talked to you about anything and said, no, we just talked about how I was doing and things like that. He said, well, they wanted me to tell you that your father passed.
Oh. And I said, that's what those dreams were about. Crazy dreams about something dying. So he passed while I was on the ventilator and they were preparing for his funeral when I got off. So I didn't get to go to the funeral. I didn't get to say goodbye because you know, they have these, I pass, they let you talk to the family because you can't come see them.
But the day they had that last conversation with dad, I was in the house too sick to come to join the conversation. So I didn't get to talk to him. And I'm a daddy's girl. I was the daddy's girl. Right. So trying to get over that has been tough, but I'm doing it though , then his sister who sat with mom and who took care of him died not soon after that with COVID
so that was my aunt and then I had a cousin to die.
[00:16:40] Marie: Oh my
gosh. I'm so sorry.
Vernita
[00:16:43] Vernita: It was tough. And it has been tough, but thanks me to God.
I'm on the other side of it. I still have my moments sometime, but I'm strong. I'm a survivor and that's the reason for my podcast so that I can share my story. Cause I have so many, and so that others can tell their stories, I've interviewed some amazing people and they've told me, they said, Thank you for freedom.
You know, this helped me get free just a little bit more.
[00:17:10] Marie: Oh, that's great that you're using your own journey to help other people. I can't imagine this just sounds like such an incredible story. And now the other thing is that you mentioned that, since you've been recovering, didn't you get your master's degree during that period.
[00:17:24] Vernita: Well,
okay. So. I finally graduated with my master's degree. And after I got my master's degree, I had COVID. It's been a really, really tough season for me. Oh, yeah, but I have survived it, but without God, I could not have done any of it. I know it had to be him because I'm not a strong person like that.
I'm just not.
[00:17:46] Marie: Well, I disagree with that Vernita , as, as much as you had, God's help, you must be a strong person because you did survive and I can just tell that you're full of light and love and you know, the fact that you emerged on the other side and you're still feeling upbeat.
I think that you are a very strong person.
[00:18:04] Vernita: Well, not that I'm not a strong person, but in my own strength, I could not have done some of the things that I had to do.
[00:18:11] Marie: I hear you. I hear you. Wow. And now you are helping your daughter raise her daughter who's autistic.
What's that experience like?
[00:18:18] Vernita: You know
what. If I didn't tell you, you probably wouldn't know because she's so full of life. And, she's just the sweetest, little girl. She makes you love her, she's just such a sweetie. In February one of this year, we had to take her out of school and homeschooler.
So she's learning so much better because they need individual attention. You know, they just can't do that in school, especially now with COVID that there are no teacher assistants. Yes. You know, it's been really tough on the, special needs teachers to try to teach. And I can't imagine how exhausted they are.
My hat goes off to them.
[00:18:54] Marie: Well,
What a gift for your daughter to have your help? Right.
[00:18:57] Vernita: Oh, yeah. And my daughter is amazing.
She is so good with her daughter. I really don't have to do that much. I helped them get scheduled straight and get things together , but it's time for me to go. I'm gonna soon be leaving, you know, once I get a job , but
they are so good together. Bless them to just be the greatest two people together.
Aw. What a gift for you all to have this time together and yeah,
now it's been wonderful.
[00:19:23] Marie: Yeah. You'll look back on that all your life and remember this time.
If anyone's looking for a rockstar,
[00:19:29] Vernita: Chief of staff or a negative assistant or program administrator, I am your
[00:19:35] Marie: woman.
So you've talked about your faith in God and how God has helped you, what other ways have you found fertile ground in your life using your experiences of grit and resilience? What you've been through? How has that helped you to become a stronger person?
[00:19:49] Vernita: It helps me not to sweat the small stuff. Ah, right. Because I used to be such a worrier . I couldn't change. I'm a fixer and I used to try to fix things but it showed me a different side of life. I am now learning how to live in the moment and really enjoy living and how to love myself and know my worth and know that I matter.
And that has made me a stronger person because I could pass that on to people who are dealing with things . I'm gonna start coaching soon, so that's gonna be great. I'm excited about being able to help people and being able to live life differently.
I live a better part of my life exist. And not really living life to its fullest. And you know, I did some first, last year. Okay. I became a licensed minister last year, but I also got me a passport. Oh, oh wonder. But Marie I've never been on an airplane.
[00:20:41] Marie: Oh, wow.
That's so exciting.
So when you go back to North Carolina, I mean, or wherever you go, you've been driving every.
[00:20:48] Vernita: I can fly. I can do whatever I wanna do. I'm gonna fly my gosh. I'm gonna travel. Wow.
[00:20:55] Marie: Where are you gonna go?
[00:20:56] Vernita: I wanna go to England .
I wanna take an Alaskan cruise, but I'm really leery about cruises right now.
[00:21:01] Marie: Yeah, no, I I would stay away from the
[00:21:02] Vernita: cruises. yeah, I'm not gonna do. But I really wanna go to Africa. I wanna go to Paris. I just wanna travel. Oh my gosh. But before I take that long of a trip, I'm gonna take some short ones because I've never been on a plane.
Yeah. That makes sense. so I wanna take a few short trips is so exciting. Cause I wanna go to Vegas. I've never been to Vegas. I just really didn't travel much because I got married at a young age and I started having children my life was wrapped around. Band and cheerleading and football and baseball and volleyball so now it's gonna be some me time.
[00:21:36] Marie: I'm so excited
[00:21:37] Vernita: for you. Yes, I'm excited.
It's gonna have to be a save up. That's a next year trip for me.
[00:21:42] Marie: Well, you could go anytime of the year . You don't have to go in the summer, so it'd be less expensive then .
That is so wonderful. Vernita
[00:21:47] Vernita: wow, thanks. I am enjoying it. I even have a different spin on life. Like things that used to upset me don't upset me anymore. I'm less judgemental. I don't deal with negative people. I just have a new spin on
[00:21:59] Marie: life.
Oh, I love it. I'm sure you can relate to this.
I remember having gone through loss in my life. Like I had a lot of miscarriages. I had a lot of infertility. Just, you know, when you're really at low points, really grieving deeply in your life and just going around, you know, like going to. Get a coffee or seeing people having conversations.
And they're talking about the most ridiculous things. Or even just as simple as being around other women who were complaining about their pregnancies. Like you have no right to complain. exactly like, you know, and it was hard for me to understand how can everybody else be going on with their lives when, I mean, in your case, like my son's just died.
How could you be worried about the slightest thing? I mean, it really does give you a different perspective,
[00:22:45] Vernita: doesn't it? It really does. And I was angry with everybody. Yeah, totally. And I was, most angry with God.
I was just angry. So how can you give me somebody so sweet, so beautiful and then take him away. I was just so angry at everybody who was having fun and it was especially my ex-husband.
I was really angry with him because he just seemed to go on with his life, you know,
[00:23:06] Marie: like, ah, right. Everybody grieves differently. Don't
[00:23:09] Vernita: they? And they do. And he was grieving in his own way. But you have to allow yourself enough time, no matter what kind of loss it is, whether it's loss of the job, whether you've been let go from a job, whether you lost a child, whether you've lost family members, whatever the loss is, you have to allow yourself to rest in that grief..
You have to let grief happen because if you try to bottle it up, it becomes a nasty, ugly scar that you can't get rid of. And it can cause really, really detrimental harm to your life. And so you have to rest in it. You have to cry, you have to yell, you have to scream. You may get depressed for a little while, but just don't stay there.
Get yourself up and move on because. Truly is worth living.
Wonderful.
[00:23:56] Marie: So just a little taking a little bit of a right turn here. Have you watched or read anything recently? That's inspired you
[00:24:04] Vernita: So people would say, how can you watch stories where people are dying and people are doing all this kind of stuff after all you've been through, but that's always been what I've loved to do.
So I am. Chicago fire Chicago, mid. Chicago PD. They come on one right behind the other on Wednesday nights. Everybody knows not to bother me. cause that's what I'm doing. I love it. But I am mostly inspired by , Michelle Obama.
Oh yeah. And Oprah Winfrey. I've always been inspired by Oprah Winfrey .
[00:24:35] Marie: One of the questions that I'm gonna ask you at the end, which you're answering already, which is, is there a story of grit and resilience?
That's been an inspiration for you? So many people have said Oprah and Michelle Obama. Those are the top two choices. They are both so amazing.
[00:24:50] Vernita: I listen to, Oprah a lot. And, Joyce Meyer, because Joyce's story is so much similar to mine, in a way. I would listen to encouraging words from Tyler Perry. I would listen to Oprah. I would listen to, Michelle Obama. I have her book. I would sit down and just read passages from her book and they would just inspire.
Me so much and community too, like you can have those single things that you do that help you as you're going through life, but make sure you have community around you so that you're not doing this thing alone.
[00:25:25] Marie: I totally agree with you. I'm always telling people that. And I often tell people that they should build their community before they need it.
Right. So that you go through your hard times when you lose your sons, for example, that you have that community there. You prepare for that.
[00:25:41] Vernita: Yeah. Yeah. Cause I was a loner most of my life, but I had friends in high school who I'm still friends with. When I lost my son and my parents, they came, they rallied around me.
And we are still friends to this day. Oh, that's such a blessing. And that helped me, you know, it let me know that I am not alone.
[00:26:01] Marie: So critical. So I have one final question for you Vernita since you answered my last question already. so think back to yourself at age 21, what would you say to her now, knowing what you know,
[00:26:14] Vernita: What I would tell her is don't get married at 23.
Um, right. No, I would say know yourself worth. Hmm know that you matter know that you are important and know that you are loved. That's what I would say , because I went on a better part of my life. Not really knowing those things. I stayed in a marriage too long because I didn't know my worth I did some things that I shouldn't have done or accepted some things that I should not have accepted because I didn't really know my worth.
Or because I didn't feel loved. So you have got to love on yourself and know that you are loved and know that you are worthy and celebrate yourself. It's okay to celebrate yourself. And also it's okay. Not to be okay. And to ask for help.
Do those things, Do those things while you're young and while, you can do them and travel and do all you can do. And don't be so quick to. Wanna grow up to, you know, experience life a little bit, have some fun. Yeah. Enjoy life, you know?
[00:27:13] Marie: Yes, get a passport,
[00:27:14] Vernita: get a passport ride, an airplane, you know, oh my gosh, the things that you wanna do and just enjoy life,
the Bible says I come that you may have life and have it more abundantly live life to the fullest. Now my goal is to live every day. Like it's my last day. Because I saw what could have been my last day. Yes, totally. I mean, I know what that feeling feels like. You feel like you're going to leave this world.
I don't ever wanna leave the world with regrets. So I'm living every day like it's my last day now. Oh, that's
[00:27:48] Marie: amazing. You are so inspiring Vernita. I love this conversation. Thank you so much for your
[00:27:53] Vernita: time. Oh, you are more than welcome. Thank you for inviting me. I've enjoyed it so
[00:27:57] Marie: much.
I'd love to follow you. As you take your first airplane,
[00:28:01] Vernita: Oh, yes. You gotta know.
[00:28:04] Marie: This has really been fun. And I'm so happy for you that you've survived so much horrible stuff and that you are still thriving.
[00:28:12] Vernita: Thank you so much, Marie. This has been wonderful.
Thank
[00:28:15] Marie: you. Have a wonderful day.
[00:28:16] Vernita: You too.
I just loved Veritas approach to living life to the fullest. Since we recorded this interview, she's taken her first airplane flight.
I can't wait to see what happens when she uses her passport. For the first time, you can see photos to learn more about bernita@wwwfertilegroundcommunications.com. Look for the fighting for the. Podcast tab listeners to this episode inspire you. I'd love to hear from you. If you have any questions or have an idea for a guest or topic, I should cover drop me a line@marieatfertilegroundcommunications.com.
Thanks for listening to the finding fertile ground podcast. If you like today's episode, please subscribe and leave a review.