This podcast episode contains some explicit language.
I had a lively conversation with Court Wakefield (they/them), a digital marketing leader and host of the For Folx Sake: Cultivating Inclusive Communities podcast. After surviving life as a queer in the Bible belt, Court and their wife Hollis underwent three rounds of in vitro fertilization followed by 97 days with their baby in the NICU. Hollis was also hospitalized for 25 days. Court nearly lost them both.
Court described themselves as “an obvious queer kid.” When Court was 12 or 13, their mom found some things that made her think Court was questioning their sexuality. “I remember feeling a lot of shame about it, but I also remember feeling that my mom was coming from a place of love and protection….”
Being honest with their Assembly of God church was the most painful part of coming out. The church asked them to step down from their leadership roles. Later, the church told Court that if they were quiet about their sexuality, they could return. “I felt used and abused, and I didn’t return to the church for another 6-7 years.”
Elsewhere, their experiences have been positive. When Court came out as nonbinary, their wife’s reaction was exactly what they needed. Court feels supported by the people who matter most—Hollis and their parents. In addition, Court is fortunate to work in a queer-friendly environment.
I asked Court about their pronouns, and they explained they prefer nonbinary pronouns but don’t bristle at he/him or she/her, but that’s not the case for every nonbinary person.
Court and Hollis' efforts to have a baby were complicated by the fact that Hollis had cancer and had her cervix removed. They went through a couple of rounds of intrauterine insemination and then moved onto IVF, which resulted in a successful pregnancy.
Because of Hollis’ biology, she had to have a cervical cerclage. But 22 weeks in, the cerclage started to cause tearing. Kepley arrived at 24 weeks gestation and did okay until she was three weeks old. In the middle of the night she was transferred to Children’s Health hospital, where Court is the director of digital strategy.
Kepley had to have a PDA ligation, a surgery to close an opening between the two major blood vessels leading from the heart, common in tiny preemies). Kepley also had post-PDA syndrome and a pneumothorax, so she had to be on a really intense ventilator. Eventually she got healthy enough to go home on oxygen. Kepley will turn two in January. She is still small, and they are trying to fatten her up.
Court learned an important lesson as a patient in the hospital where they worked. Court describes the hospital as really inclusive, with the right benefits and employee resource groups. But when Kepley was transferred to that hospital at 2 a.m., Court discovered the intake form had a place for mother and a place for father, but no place for their name.
“It made me realize that...every organization needs to decentralize diversity & inclusion in order to make it effective...You’ve got to have everyone in the organization feel responsible for making sure the experience they create for patient families is inclusive.”
Court decided to create the For Folx Sake: Cultivating Inclusive Communities podcast to examine topics through the lens of diversity and inclusion, so people can become better advocates. Court’s experience, in a crisis, solidified their awareness that it’s the smallest things that can create friction and anxiety.
Court’s answer to whose grit and resilience story inspires them was Kepley. “When I think about her story, I think about how resilient we are as humans...”
I believe preemies have a wisdom about them way beyond their years. Both Kepley and Christopher are resilient beyond our imaginations.