A Moment of Vulnerability, Episode 6

Thank you kindly for tuning in to episode 6. This is a special episode where I will share my own personal healing journey with you, after experiencing a brain bleed in July 2023. The healing journey is mentally, physically and spiritually. We need to ensure that we allow people to heal on their own terms and not be judgmental. This episode is about vulnerability and I an sharing some of the most vulnerable moments in my personal life with you. Our journeys are all different. In life, we are all going to experience different situations but it is how we go through those moments in life. 

Transcript

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Okay, everybody. So this is a special episode. I want to first of all thank you all for tuning in to my podcast, the past episodes that I've had. And as you may realize, I had to take a break. I haven't done any podcast, any recordings in a bit, and I'm gonna be very vulnerable in this podcast, in this episode, and share with you some of the things that I've been going through. Um so here we go. July 30th, 2023. I went out with with friends, and you know, I was outside and I got a headache. I knew that the headache was not normal because number one, I was outside, um, it was a summer day, so I figured, you know what, I'm probably dehydrated. I went and I got some got water, and after when I got the water, I basically drank it, got a water for one of my friends, and brought it over to her. And you know, usually if I drink water, I do feel better because I know my body and I know what I need, so I said, Okay, you know what? The fact that I'm drinking this water, I'm outside, I have this headache, and I'm not feeling better, and the headache just kept on getting worse basically. So it was just like it was a it's a accruciating pain, pain that I can't explain. You just know that when you feel that pain, you know that something is wrong in your body. So I knew that something was wrong, and I told my friend, I said, you know what? Um meet me at the car, something's wrong, my head is hurting me, and I'm gonna go to the car, so meet me at the car and um bring me some Tylenol when you're coming out. If ask anybody if they have Telenol, I'll let you know that as I was walking to the car, it basically felt like I was walking. So remind you, this is a summer day. So as I'm walking to the car, it felt like I was walking through an ice storm in the middle of summer, meaning that the walk to the car, it was one of the most painful walk I've ever, and I walk a lot, but because the headache was so intense, getting to the car it felt like I was walking in snow up to my neck. So taking steps to get to the car was very difficult. And I remember just saying, God, please help me, please just help me to get to the car safely. And God, I just kept on praying and saying, God, I need to get in the car, I need to get in the car. I eventually got to the car, and when I sat down, the headache didn't go away, it was actually even worse. I don't even know if it can get any worse, but it did get worse. And I picked up the phone, I said, You know what, something's wrong. I called my friend, I told her, I said, You know what, you need to come quickly, find the car, something's wrong. And I actually next call was 911, called 911 right away, and I said that hi, you know, explained the situation, told them that I'm not a person to get headaches and I know that something is wrong. Explained to them that I'm sitting in my car. I asked them if they can please send an ambulance quickly. They asked me where I was. Obviously, I didn't know where I was um because it was on a street, it was on a back street, and I don't I didn't remember how I got there. I knew that it was off of like one of the roads, but where I was, no idea, and I was in too much pain to even explain where I was, also. So, of course, they told me to stay on the line um with calling 911 with your number, they can eventually find you. And I stayed on the line, she kept on asking me questions, I kept on answering those questions. And one of the things that she said to me is, you know, make sure you try to stay awake. Um, the ambulance is on its way. Actually, the ambulance is only like 10 minutes away, it's coming. Um, just stay on the phone with me. And I kept on the phone with her while they kept on asking walwa wall. The dispatcher kept on asking me questions. I was on the phone just answering those questions as best as possible. By then, within the 10-minute time frame, she said, you know what? Um, the ambulance is there. Um, put your hand out the window um so that they can know what car you're in. I did that. I put my hand out the window, waved my thumb. They eventually came to the car, and you know, they asked me what was happening, and I said, something is wrong. I don't know what it is, but I have a headache, and I've never had a headache like this in my life. I don't get headaches, so I know something is wrong. And she asked me, she's like, Can you walk? I said, No, I can't walk. I that the headache is too much, and they helped me lift me up. Both the ladies lift me up and brought me to the ambulance and put me down. One of the ladies actually stayed with me, so she they mentioned to me, don't worry, we're like 15 minutes away. It was, I think it was even less than 15 minutes away from the hospital, which I had no idea that the hospital was so close. And basically, as I was in the ambulance, they just kept on talking to me. One of the uh one of the paramedics was driving. The other one said, You know what, we're gonna I'm gonna stay back here with you, but you need to talk to me. Whatever you do, don't fall asleep. And so, of course, I kept on talking to her and tried to stay awake as much as I could. She kept on asking me questions, asking me my name, asking me, you know, just personal questions that I can answer. And she said, I need you to stay awake. Whatever you do, you must stay awake. And of course, I'm listening to her and I'm wondering in my head, obviously, why is she telling me to stay awake? But, anyways, I followed her instructions and I tried my best and fought through and spoke to her and tried to stay awake as much as I could. I'll let you know that once I got to the hospital and I remember just being in the stretcher, and they took me out and I saw the hospital doors. That was it. I couldn't stay awake anymore. I basically went unconscious, went unconscious, and you know, I ended up in ICU. So, whatever happened from the hospital door to in the hospital, I don't know what happened because I obviously can't remember anything. So I do know I ended up in ICU because my family told me that. So they transferred me from one hospital to another hospital because they said I had a brain bleed. They figured out I had a brain bleed from whatever assessments they were doing, so they had to transfer me to a hospital that could specialize in brain bleeds or specialize in I guess the brain. So I ended up going to another hospital. And I will say to you, while I was in ICU, I think my parents, well, actually, my parents and you know, my son, they told me by the second day I was up and out of ICU. But while I was in ICU, the doctors told my family that the amount of blood that I had on my brain, it was a lot of blood that was on my brain. So the brain bleed was really, really, really bad. Um, eventually, that's when my mom was of course as soon as my mom. So I'll tell you actually how um they found out that I was not that something was wrong. So I always go home. I don't sleep out, I go home, and if I I don't have nowhere to sleep out, anyways. Um, so if I'm not if I'm going somewhere, you know, I was raised to always let someone know where I am. So if I'm going somewhere, somebody knows where I am. My mother's that person, doesn't matter how old we are. She's calling to check up on her kids, she's calling to check and see how we're doing. My father's the same thing. If he doesn't hear from me, he's calling me to ask me, you know, where am where am I? How am I doing? You know, if he doesn't get a hold of me in the past, if he didn't get a hold of me, he used to call my phone until I answer. So sometimes I would get 10 missed calls from my father because I didn't answer the phone because I was busy doing something. So just that's just to show you, like, that's how my parents are. So my son, same way, um, same thing. Uh I told him the same thing. I said, Wherever you're going, I need to know. I don't care where you're going. You know, I do care where he's going, but I just need to know where he's going and who he's with. So now the fact that I went out on that Sunday and I told them, you know, I'll see you guys later, and I didn't come home. My son automatically knew something was wrong. So he called the oh, she's like, Oh, I thought she came home. She didn't know where I was either, because obviously they thought I went home when they came to find the car. I don't know if they were calling the phone or what happened, but basically, my son was like, Nope, my mom's not home. Something is wrong. Where's my mom? Right? So at that point, my son just got started calling all the hospitals to figure out what happened, and eventually he found me in one of the hospitals. And that's how they that's how my family knew I was in ICU. That's how they knew that something was wrong. And of course, when finding out I was in ICU that same night, my son came to the hospital, they drove down. Um, you know, and that's when they told my mom that I was in ICU unconscious. They told my family that I had a brain bleed and I had to be transported to another hospital. They shared that information of the hospital that I would be going to, and I'll tell you that, you know, my experience of being in the hospital. I know everyone has a different experience. I have nothing negative to say other than that my the ring that my dad gave me for one of my birthdays, that ring was stolen. So apparently nobody knows what happened to that ring um that was on my finger. I had jewelry on, put it that way, and it was very emotional. Of course, I couldn't remember any of this while I was in ICU and while I was in um the rehab center. So, Toronto Rehab Center, because my brain bleed was so severe, they had to monitor me. I had to live there for approximately four weeks, um, just living there to make sure that the doctors can watch and make sure that I'm okay before sending me home. So I'll share that. My ring actually went missing while I was in the hospital before I ended up in Toronto rehab, you know, and I called the hospital, filed a complaint. Nobody knows what happened to that ring with the gemstone, you know. It was emotional, so that was another layer of emotional well, you know, emotional turmoil I was going through. But in the end, you know, I had my life, so obviously the ring didn't matter. It did matter for the fact that my dad kind of, you know, went out and got that for my birthday because that's a sentimental, you know, gift that I received. So, long story short, when I was in the hospital, as I mentioned before, I don't remember anything about um being in the hospital. I do remember leaving the hospital because I could remember a a few things um and going to Toronto rehab. My family, my friends, those who came and visited me, they share with me that they knew that I was talking, just like how I'm talking to you now. They share with me that while I was in ICU, while I was on the floor of the ICU patients, I was walking around, I was talking to them, you know. I asked them to get me Burger King, I asked them for so many things, you know, because I was hungry, of course, because it's hospital food. And I said, you know, my friend, one of my friends, said, Don't you remember the stories that we were talking about? I don't remember anything. I don't remember who visited, I don't remember like what I said to anybody. Hopefully I didn't say anything, you know, that I wasn't supposed to say, but I don't remember anything that I said to any person. I don't remember seeing anybody, I don't remember, I just don't remember anything from being in the hospital in Toronto. So that's another thing. Those who visited me, they if they didn't tell me that they visited me, I wouldn't have known that they came and visited me because again, I can't remember a face. I don't even remember my son. So that's how bad it is. The fact that I can't remember, you know, my blessing, my son, and he's like, Mom, I don't understand. You can't and under you can't remember anything we spoke about. I said, No, I don't even remember seeing you, I don't even remember being there. You know, and I did ask the doctors, I said to them, you know, can you explain to me why I can't remember anything about being in the ICU? You know, I heard that I was talking and he said, Yeah, you were having a conversation. Um, you know, I'm an educator, so of course I'm talking about it. And he said, You know, you were having a conversation because you were educating. You know, one thing that my design did tell me that mom didn't know how bad it was because obviously I had to be everywhere all over my body when I ended up in the hospital. So the fact that I'm here today, I know that's the grace of God. You know, when I went to Toronto Rehab and they asked me, they're like, Okay, what is it that you need help with? What can we do to help you? I'm like, what do you mean? What do I need help with? I don't need help with anything. They're like, Do you need help to take a shower? Do you need help to get your food? And I'm like, uh-uh, no, I'm good. I don't need help with anybody showering me. I don't need help with washing my hair. I don't need help with anything. And she goes, You had a brain bleed, right? I said, Yes, I did have a brain bleed. And she goes, What is it that you don't remember? And I shared with them, I said, the only thing I can't remember is what is when I was in ICU. So when I was in ICU and I was there in the hospital for those three weeks, four weeks, I can't remember anything. And she said, That's it. I said, Yeah, technically, that's all I can't remember. Everything else, you know, about my life, I remember. And they started asking me questions, just questions about my life, and of course I still I told them. And you know, when I was talking to the doctors and the nurses, they said to me, You know what? You're a walking miracle, you know. So I don't take that lightly. I don't know. Again, there's certain things I can't remember. I don't know what conversation God and I had, but I'm very grateful, and I say that because it's so important to be grateful. It's so important to be thankful for the fact that we can get out of our beds, we can leave our homes, and we can come home. And even something that seems so simple, we take that for advantage. We take the fact that we can come home each night. You know, um, we don't even say thank you, God, for allowing me to come home in my house. We find things to bicker and complain about, not realizing how precious life is, and that life can be taken in any time in any moment. One of the things I learned on my journey as I was healing, and I'll share with you that the healing process for me, everybody's healing process is different, and I'm sure there's stages of healing because I went through some stages of healing. I will have to look it up to find out what the stages of healing is, and I will say that I was healing mentally, physically, and spiritually because when I went home, and I'll tell you how I went home, you know. Um, I because I lived at Toronto Rehab, I had to stay there to be monitored, and I wasn't able to go home for weekends until they thought I was ready to go home, and then after I was able because they were transitioning me to go home. So I lived at Toronto Rehab from Monday to Friday. Well, actually, I lived there for the whole entire seven days a week for like two or two weeks, probably, yeah, three weeks. Actually, I think it was more than a month, so it was more than definitely a month. Um, so while I was living there, eventually they had to transition me to come home. So then they started allowing me to sign out for the weekends, and I had to sign out, someone had to come and pick me up and sign me out and bring me home. And I stayed the weekend and I would have to go back on Sunday evenings back to Toronto rehab and spend the week there. So while I was doing that, I'll let you know that you know it was very, very emotional. I cried. A lot of people don't know my story, so I'm sharing my story for those who want to hear my story, and I want to make sure that I am the one that's telling my story. I don't want others telling my story for me because others actually do not know what happened, they don't know the healing I had to go through. And for anyone that's been in the hospital, for anyone that had to do surgery, ICU, um, I'll let you know because I was unconscious, I was actually probably dead. I don't know. I think I was because my brain, remember, it was a brain bleed, and brain bleeds are not something that you take lightly. Obviously, I know that now, but I would have never suspected that I would get a brain bleed. Nobody knows what's gonna happen, as I said, in their life. Um, so when I got the brain bleed, as I was saying, you know, it was my healing process was it was like, you know, the whole development of a person. So I was going through it emotionally, physically, and spiritually. So spiritually, I was asking God, you know, well, God, haven't I not have I not been through enough? You know, have I not been through enough just you know, I became a single mother, I was a young, I was a teenage mom at 19, you know, and when I had my son at 19, I knew that I had to work my butt off to make sure that I become stable, I can take care of my son. I went to university when my son was 16, well, sorry, when my son was six months, so I didn't even get to see some of the milestones of my son because I was in university and I was in college, sorry, college, then I ended up going to university. So the majority of me, the majority of time, the time I took raising my son, I was actually in school as well, and there are times that I had to bring my son to school with me, um, because you know, I just didn't have a babysitter, and my mom had to work, and there was no one else, you know. I don't really trust everybody to obviously watch my son, so he came with me. And I'll say that um, you know, as I was healing, there was lots of tears. There were tears that I cried because I didn't understand what had happened to me, and I didn't understand why it happened to me. And I was asking God to please let me understand why did I have to have a brain bleak. You know, again, I questioned God, and I was told when I told my pastor that, you know, I'm asking why, he just said, you know what? Don't question God, just be grateful. And I started to be grateful. I really took that in and I said, You know what, God, okay. The fact that it happened, I'm here, I give you thanks, I'm grateful that I'm here, and I just want to say I'm so happy, thank you, Lord. So obviously, my prayer life intensified. I've always prayed, and um, praying has been a part of me from I was a little girl. Um, looking out my window as a little girl growing up in subsidized housing in Toronto. I've always prayed, so I've always, you know, had a connection with God. But um, I think for me, it was just because I was going through so much, my emotions were everywhere. One of the things I will say is that I was so grateful for the social worker that was assigned to me. Um, she was amazing. She listened, you know, she she just she was there, she was present with me, and she took that time. So, the work of social workers, I'll say that based on my own experience, it's so so important because she was my therapist. I was so everybody that was that is at Toronto Rehab, of course, they're assigned a whole entire team, a medical team to care for them, and there's different people on the medical team. I had a a social worker, physiotherapy. I had to do physiotherapy to exercise, and there was other people that were assigned to me that I obviously can't remember right now, but it was like a whole team, a team of six people, two doctors that I had to um speak to weekly, meet weekly. Um, I still see one of the doctors now on my based on my meetings. I have to still go to, but I'll say that you know, the emotional part crying, not really understanding what was going on. There were times that you know, I would be at the house, and all of a sudden I would just start, I'd visit my my family, and all of a sudden I would just start to cry, and you know, they would be like, What's wrong? Why are you crying? and I'm like, Because it's so emotional. So there was a point where I could not talk about my brain bleed, and I think people need to understand and respect that when someone goes into ICU and they come out, the healing, everybody's healing is so different. So don't ask people to share because some people may not be prepared to share because they're still healing, they're still trying to process what is happening to them, and it's hard, it's emotional, it takes a toll on them just to think about what they've gone through. And I've been through that, right? Just to think about I was in ICU, my brain was healing, all of that. The fact that um it was just a lot. I'll just say that it was just a lot. There were moments I didn't even know, and I wasn't depressed, so it wasn't depression. Um, because as I mentioned, I had a therapist, I had a counselor that I was speaking to, you know, so it wasn't depression. I was always a positive person, I'm always a positive person and still am. But it was just very, very overwhelming for me to be going through that basically. Because my body had to heal, you know. Um, so I didn't do my walk. That's the one thing I didn't think that I had as I said, I didn't want to rehab an amazing theme. You know, when I asked them, I said, um, you guys take me on a walk, it was not even an issue. They took me out, they asked me what I wanted to do for exercise. For me, I'm a walker, I love to walk, I love to ride my bike. When I did ask them, I said, you know, they I said to them, Well, I need to be, I need to go out. I need to be outside because I am like that, period. I'm an outside person. And I remember, you know, one of the ladies that was assigned to me to look after me, which I just totally love and adore her because the way how she cared for me, you know. I said to her, I need to ride my bike. Is there a bike I can ride? And she goes, Yeah, there's a bike. We'll get the Toronto bikes and ask your family to bring your health. Down, and you and I will go bike riding. And you know, I really appreciate her because she took me bike riding in Toronto. We went bike riding in Queen's Park. We went all over, uh, well, not all over, just like round the area where the hospital where Toronto rehab was, and I really appreciate that because she didn't have to do that, you know. But I asked and I said, you know what? This she asked me what would help me, and that's one of the things bike riding I love to do, and I've always done it. So I she she was able to, you know, just help me to get that done. So the healing part, of course, physically, um, there are just things I couldn't do that I can do now, which I'm so grateful for. Spiritually, I told you that already, emotionally, um, spiritually, you know, I was praying, I was I was still praying, but I was like, as I said to you before, I was like, God, yeah, how much more, how much more do I need to go through? Right? Because I've already been through a lot, you know. So, yeah, that was it was a trauma trauma, of course. I experienced trauma from that. I've healed, but as I think about it, and I said, you know, now I can talk about it. If you would have asked me to talk about this in 2023, so July, December, I was, I think, in Toronto rehab by then, living there. So if you would have asked me, I think I can't remember, yeah, yes. Okay, so if you would have asked me to share with you, actually, no, so let me correct myself. July, it happened by September. I was home. But if you would ask me to share basically um what I've been through in 2023, I probably did share, but I wasn't ready to share, is what I want to say. It's important to respect people and to respect what they've gone through, and I think sometimes we forget that. We forget that, you know, just because people go through things, um, they're not always willing to share. And if someone's not always willing to share what they've experienced, allow them to heal, please. Allow them to go through the phases of healing, and when they're ready to share, then they will share. So that was my journey. I'll let you know that um, you know, this podcast, I spoke about the mind, body, and spirit. And while I was healing, I came back to this podcast to really listen to some of the episodes that I did, and I actually didn't know the impact that those episodes would have on me. And I say that God is strategic because in those episodes I spoke about the importance of rest, I spoke about mind, body, and spirit, and not realizing that I myself was gonna go through something very traumatic in my life. I've gone through things before, but I would say that this definitely tested my faith, you know, and all I had actually was faith. That's all I had left, and that's all I hold on to even now. My faith in God because I'll let you know that it doesn't matter who we are and what we have, when we end up in a hospital, when you end up in ICU, the only person, well, the only God has the final say is what I'll say. God has that final say in whether we remain on earth or not, and none of us actually know the time that we have on earth. And I say that because I've always told myself that we don't know, and if we did know, maybe we would be nicer, maybe we would be kinder, maybe we would love more, right? If we knew that in two days or in a month from now or a year from now, we're gonna we're not gonna be on earth anymore. We would love, we would spend more time with our family, right? But we don't need to know that because I'm telling you that now. I'm telling you that the time that you spend with people, the way how you treat others, you know, how you love your family, your friends, just being kind, helping where you can, those things I think in life they do matter. They're when time is taken away from us, we can't get that time back, right? There's no time that we can get back once that time is gone. And as I spoke about mind, body, and spirit, and I told you that they are interconnected. I know that they're interconnected because as you can see, this is not the first example of me experiencing something well like this, this traumatic, and being in the hospital at the ICU, yes, it is. So I went through that phase myself: the mind, body, and spirit being connected, and the healing that happens. So I guess this part is the healing, and you know, we all go through different things, but when we're able to share our stories when we are ready, is what I'll say, because we're not always able and ready to share our stories, and if someone's not willing and able to share their stories, you can't judge them based on that because you don't know what they're going through emotionally, you don't know the toll that that what they've experienced have had on them. So we have to allow people to heal in their own time, and if some can share, they share, and if others can't, we have to respect that. So, as I get back into these episodes about mind, body, and spirit, I want to again thank you so much for taking the time to tune in and listening to me. My name is Natalie Antoinette. You can find me on Instagram at Naj Writings, that's N-A-J W R I T I N G S. I will be posting my podcasts on YouTube shortly, so then you can find the episodes there soon, and I'll share more information about that. I just really want to come here and really share. So if you've been listening to my podcasts and you've been wondering why there's no other episodes, and that's the reason why. I myself had to learn to take time, and I always took time actually. It's not that I had to learn, because I always took time to rest and to do things, but I'll share with you something else that you may not know that I haven't spoken about. I told you that this is a vulnerable moment time. So, being a young mother at 19 years old, my life has always been when I had my son. Even before I had my son, I've worked two jobs. So when I had my son while I was pregnant, again, I was working two jobs while I was pregnant. I worked one job in the day and I would work one job in the night. Okay, I knew that I had to go back to college and I knew that I had to one day finish university. I also knew that I didn't want to be in a lot of debt, so that's why I usually worked two jobs. So as a young mother, remember I'm a young mom, right? So there's not a lot that I knew about parenting, but I knew about parenting from reading books and educating myself. I babysat a lot when I was a when I was younger, but still, when you have your own child, it's a whole different story. Your life changes. Your life either changes for the worse or the good. I'll say for me, for example, my life changed for the better. However, the process was not easy. What I had to go through, what I had to experience. There were many tears that I had as when I became a single mother. So after when I left that relationship and I became a single mother, what I was experiencing was not easy. It is not easy to raise a child on your own. There is nothing easy about that. Um, you are the mother, you are the father, you are everything to that child. You go to parent meetings by yourself, you do everything by yourself. Um, even just being a single woman, period. Um, being a single woman, it's not easy because you know, you go home, maybe you're going home to friends, maybe you're going home, and you know, all you technically have are your friends, your close friends, and if you have siblings, you have your siblings and your family as well. But I'll say that the journey of my single motherness, it wasn't easy. Uh, there was you know, court battles that I had to well, yeah, for going get going to court um to get custody of my son, which that was technically was not an easy process, especially when you know, I'll just leave it there. It was it was just to put it this way, it was not easy, you know, and then going to school. I knew that leaving that relationship I knew that I would be a single mother because the person told me that, you know, just know that when you leave, yeah, don't ask me for help, blah blah blah blah blah. And it is what it was. But I chose to leave for a reason. I chose to believe for my well-being and for my safety and for my child's safety and for us just for me to find myself, which was very important. So when I talk about the mind, body, and spirit, the one thing I will say to us is that in order for us to operate in our God-given talents, we do need peace around us. We need to make sure that we have the right relationships. We need to make sure that if we're in situations that we feel that are not good for us, it's not I'm not gonna tell you that it's easy to leave because it's never easy to leave. But in order for us to grow to become our best selves, we need to be an environment that can help us to grow and that can foster, you know, what God has placed us in what God has placed inside of us. And that takes a lot of courage to get up and leave because there comes there is shame like that comes with that. People judge not knowing your story. People judge thinking, oh, okay, well, you know, not realizing that no, I was in a long-term relationship before, but it didn't work, and I needed to leave. I had to leave in order for me to be the best I can be. And that is never easy. Unless you're in a situation where, you know, you understand and you've been through this, you won't under really, you won't really be able to get what I'm trying to say, but just know that for some people they don't choose to be single mothers, people don't choose to be single mothers. It's sometimes decisions of others, and then after decisions of our own, you know, because we feel that the situation and environment is not healthy for us. So for me, it was no choice. I had no choice anymore, and I didn't make it an option, I didn't make it a choice. I left to make sure that I can be the best version of me and that I can provide a safe home for my son, and I did that. So again, mind, body, and spirit, stay tuned for the next episodes. I will be going into a few things, talking about, you know, the domains, talking about more of the whole development of a person, and all of us are working towards something. Whatever it is that you're working towards, continue to do that. Don't give up on yourself, whatever you your experiences are for me, because of my faith. You know, I hold on to my faith because I've been through a lot, and my faith is what carries me. And I'm not sure what carries you, but I want to encourage you to hold on to something other than the material things of this life. Be grateful for when you come out your house. Um, my license was taken away because of the brain bleed, and I wasn't able to drive for two years or a year and a half approximately, because of course my brain wasn't healed, and I thought I can drive. In my head, I was not happy that they took away my license. But when my son was driving me, he's like, Mom, why are you so nervous? Why are you jumping? Why are you reacting that way? Because I got I had like trauma driving. I would be like, Oh my gosh, you're too close to the car. When they were they would tell me that they're not even close to the car. If they were driving too fast, I'd be like, slow down when they were driving the speed limit. So I realized that you know what? The doctors that I had definitely knew what they were doing because they said to me, You're not ready to drive yet, and we can't give you back your license until you go through a few tests. Again, because a lot of us don't understand how the brain works, and they do, they are the experts. You know, I did listen and I listened when I had to take time off of work. That's one of the reasons I cried as well, because I've been working for a lot for years, you know, from I was 15 years old, I've been working. So the fact that I couldn't go to work, it was emotional for me. It was very emotional for me. But I'll let you know that I realized while I was home that I needed that time. Where else would have I gotten that time? I needed that time to heal and to rest. And I'm not a person to just sit at home. I work, I work one or two jobs, and I'll tell you that after um the brain bleed, I have not gotten a second job because I'm like, you know what? I'm not going to. Whatever I do, I'll do, um, I'll use my skills and my talents and I'll figure things out. It was a struggle not working and being off of work for so long financially. But God is able, and I know that, you know, what I've been through is a testimony to many others. So I will say that if you get a headache or if you see if anyone around you gets a severe headache, please, please do not tell them to take a talonol and go to sleep. If I would have drove home and took the Tylenol or Advil, I would have not been here today. Please call 911. No matter what, if they tell you that it's a civic, and you they will know. They will know how the headache, the headache is like it's different, it's a different headache. Okay? Um, so I'm just sharing that because by me sharing, that can save somebody else's life. So if you see somebody, if someone tells you they have this headache and it's accruciate and it's painful, they've never felt a headache like this before, you know, call 911 because calling 911 can save that person's life or save your life. Alright, everybody. Thank you so much for tuning in and take care. And you'll be hearing some more from me. And I just want to thank you for your patience. I want to thank you for, you know, just basically listening to this podcast. Take care, everybody. Stay blessed, and remember to continue to work towards becoming your best self. Take care. Thank you.