Blossom Your Awesome Podcast (Not) Alone With Tyler Wittkofsky

Blossom Your Awesome Podcast (Not) Alone With Tyler Wittkofsky

Multi Genre Author Tyler Wittkofsky joins us to talk about his novel (Not) Alone and share his story of struggle with anxiety and depression.

Tyler has carved a unique path for himself with his writing and sharing about his mental health journey with his novel along with a second book his debut romance novel titled The Seeds of Love: Sunflower Kisses Book One.

His first poetry collection, Coffee, Alcohol, and Heartbreak, a collection that also addresses the challenges and struggles of mental health.

To learn more about Tyler check his site here.

To see more of my work check me out at my website

Where I write and cover mindfulness and other things to help you Blossom Your Awesome.

Or follow me on instagram where I post fairly regularly and ask an inquisitive question or two weekly in hopes of getting you thinking about your life and going deeper with it.

My Instagram - i_go_by_skd

To support my work - my Patreon 

Transcript

Sue (00:02.537)
Hi there today on the show we have got Tyler Witkowski here with us. Tyler, thank you so much for being here. Welcome to the show.

Tyler Wittkofsky (00:12.29)
Thank you, Sue. It's an honor to be here.

Sue (00:15.077)
Oh, I am so excited to have you here and get into your story. I think it's so cool. So you are a multi-genre author, podcaster, mental health and travel blogger, award-winning marketing and communications professional. I just love all this. And really what I love the most about it is you predominantly write about mental health. Your first novel, Not Alone.

based on some mental health struggles. And then the Seeds of Love, that is a romance novel, which also has a little twist of mental illness in there. And then you have a collection of poetry. And that is also about mental health. And I just think that's so remarkable. So give us a little of this.

backstory here and then I want to kind of get in get into it with you.

Tyler Wittkofsky (01:18.358)
Yeah, absolutely. So I really started writing a very long time ago, whenever I was probably elementary school, my grandmother was my elementary school principal. So she used to bring me to school with her and I used to write her little short stories and comics and things like that I would leave on her desk. But as school went on, writing became more of this boring.

thing that I had to do for school, for classes, and I kind of lost my love for writing. And I moved back in with my grandma in 2019 while my wife and I were waiting for our house to be built. And one day she just had one very simple request. She said, write me something. So I told her I would and started thinking about what it would be. And at the time I had been diagnosed with mental illness, probably about four years at that time.

um, diagnosed bipolar and anxiety. And, um, a lot of, I was really ashamed of who, of who I was because of this mental illness and one day I had this thought, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna write about my journey with mental illness and the title kind of came to me. And I wrote the story never expected to publish it, but everybody loved it. I used to read it to my wife. Uh, every time I finished a chapter, we'd be laying in bed and I would

I would read her the chapter that I had just finished. And at the end of it, she told me, she's like, you've got to publish this. My grandma said the same thing. And I showed it to my mom and friends. And they're all like, this is amazing. So I was like, okay, well, I'm going to publish this story and see where it goes. You know, we'll go self-published. And I was a little nervous because I was really being vulnerable and putting myself out there, you know, by telling this story and opening up about the mental illness. And...

I actually did a couple of book signings at tattoo shops and places like that and got to meet a lot of people who told me that my book made a difference in their life. And that's what encouraged me to write, continue writing and keep writing again. My poetry collection that you mentioned, Coffee, Alcohol and Heartbreak, was actually written between 2012 and 2016. It was before my bipolar diagnosis and right after my bipolar diagnosis. So...

Tyler Wittkofsky (03:38.922)
That's a very, it's a journey through my mental illness, through my mental health, by being undiagnosed bipolar. And I decided to put that out there because again, I want it to give people hope. And I decided that after making such a big difference and with not alone that putting my poetry out there would be a good start to getting, to helping more people. And then I decided to write the Seeds of Love, Sunflower Kisses book one, which was

Uh, about kind of loosely based on my wife and I's relationship. That's a young couple. One of them is mentally ill with bipolar, anxiety, depression, and the other does not have any mental illness. And it kind of goes into what it's like being with someone who's mentally ill and being someone who is mentally ill. So it shows that different perspective. And I actually October 1st.

I re-released Not Alone as a full-length novel. It was a novella when I first released it, so it's got a new cover, new description, added in a lot of detail, turned it into a full-length novel. And then back in July, I actually released another book called Potent. It's the first of the Enamored Echo series, and it's a co-authored book.

me and my friend Kelsey Ann Lovelady and the main character in that book is actually based off of a Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare and the character that I wrote for was Oberon and in the book he's schizophrenic so even that goes to show you know that even kings and fairies and these mythical creatures can have mental illness and that's okay it doesn't make them any less powerful or any less

amazing and that's what I try to show through my writing is that you're an amazing person no matter what you see what your brain may tell you that you are.

Sue (05:35.337)
Wow. Okay, Tyler. So I just I think this is so powerful. And, you know, this idea talk, it's almost like, and I love that now just in general, we're having more and more conversations around mental health, right? So there seems to be less stigma around it. But you writing from all of these different perspectives and sharing these different stories, giving little tidbits of insight into your world, but

you know, like a mental illness in relationship, right? And love and how that, you're incorporating that and all of these different things. So you're in some way, and I almost don't even know how to say this and not to offend anyone here, right? Cause we're just, we're having this dialogue, but I love how you're normalizing it or allowing people.

to other people who might be suffering to be like, hey, that's me and that's me and I'm that guy and I'm that person and this is normal and it's okay.

Tyler Wittkofsky (06:43.166)
Yeah, that's always been my goal is to make that difference. Um, ever since I started writing not alone and decided to publish it, it was my goal to normalize mental illness in my writing, to show people, to make people feel connected to my characters that may not feel connected to characters and other stories and other novels because they're not mentally ill, because they don't see the world like them. You know, one of the big sticking points for not alone was I described

the main character Henry his childhood and he was obsessed with this concept of death and what happens when we die why do we die why do we work our whole life just to die at the end of it and so many people came up to me and they're like you know I never realized that wasn't really that was a part of my mental illness but reading your book I realized it and it made more sense why I thought about that stuff

It didn't make me a freak or it didn't make me different. It just, I had a different view of the world. And that's really what I try to show people is that you're still normal. Really, nobody's normal. I mean, we all have our quirks and our differences and that's okay. That's what makes us beautiful, independent people is those little quirks that set us apart from everybody else. And the uniqueness is what we need to embrace. So that's what I really want people to do with my writing.

when they read my writing is to embrace their uniqueness, embrace who they are, and don't let their mind tell them that they're not as equal as somebody else.

Sue (08:22.053)
I love that. Now, tell me, Tyler, for you, you know, I would imagine it was so healing for you to write this. There must have been a huge release and healing that took place for you. Did you know, was that any part of the intention? Like, was it kind of like a journaling exercise? Did it start out that way?

to kind of gain clarity with what you were struggling with and then became more in terms of healing, what did that look like for you?

Tyler Wittkofsky (08:57.506)
Yeah, you know, there were a lot of memories that I hadn't really embraced in a lot of years because I kind of put up these walls around these memories to shut them out. And I think that's, you know, it's never good to put up those walls and suppress things. It makes it harder to deal with and to accept and it makes those mental illness and those intrusive thoughts even more powerful. So being able to.

Faced those thoughts and those memories that I hadn't faced in so long gave me a sense of empowerment that I was a better person than I was back then. Being able to demonstrate that the growth that I went through, journaling that in a sense through this fictionalized character's eyes and journaling my story, was really a release of letting go of the emotion and the vulnerability and-

just kind of putting my walls down to allow myself to be vulnerable. Um, even if it was just with myself, you know, being able to. Introduce my world to people around me and show them what I was going through, made them easier and made it easier for them to embrace me and to help me on my journey. And that was another thing that I really wanted to demonstrate through my writing was to show people who.

may love somebody with mental illness, how you can treat that person to make them feel equal, to make them feel okay, to show them that you're there for support. Not alone's biggest theme was support and the support system that is around you because for me personally, that's what's gotten me through the darkest times of my life is people like my mom and my grandparents and my brother and my wife. Just being able to rely on those people around you is, you know,

It's a huge message that I try to get out because as somebody with a mental illness, sometimes it's hard to see that you're not alone. Sometimes all you see is, and that's kind of the reason for the title, not, is in parenthesis, or is in, um, oh gosh.

Tyler Wittkofsky (11:14.178)
What are they called?

Sue (11:15.829)
parentheses.

Tyler Wittkofsky (11:17.19)
Oh, are they parentheses? Yes. Yeah, they're, uh, it not as in parentheses because I want to show that it's something that can or cannot be read. But, you know, at the end of the day, you're never really alone. Um, when you've got people around you that love you and being able to recognize that is such a powerful tool to have in your arsenal of your, you know, against mental illness.

Sue (11:45.473)
And Tyler, it is truly, I just, I find it so remarkable and I think it's so cool. And you know that because there's so much shame around it and it's so few people, right, they may go to a therapist or talk about it. So many just struggle in silence. They don't want anyone to know that they're thinking things or having certain feelings or however that comes about for different people.

Sue (12:15.173)
you started with a little trepidation, but then as you started receiving praise, and also what you're doing is, like you say, teaching people how to share about your illness or how they need to show up for you. So you're also kind of guiding your own loved ones by expressing this out there, putting it out there. So it's helping them, it's helping other people, but that's just so.

powerful and so amazing. So I just commend you for doing that. It's so empowering and so cool. So I really just commend you for doing that. I think that's awesome.

Tyler Wittkofsky (12:57.41)
Thank you so much. Yeah, I just, I want to make a difference and help people, you know, see that they're not alone.

Sue (13:05.221)
Yeah, and that is amazing the way you're going about it. I think it's just so powerful. So did you realize as this was happening and people are starting to receive it, like, hey, this is really great stuff and you need to publish it and you need to get this out there. Were you aware of your own kind of healing, I would imagine that was taking place for you and how it's probably been so therapeutic for you to do this?

Tyler Wittkofsky (13:35.35)
Yeah, that's kind of what inspired me to start my mental health blogging journal journey because whenever I started writing it and You know being able to let down those walls and be more vulnerable and embrace those memories and thoughts and challenge The way that I had thought about myself And viewed these situations in the past it made it easier to then create my blog tyler witkowski.com and

show my mental health journey. And through that, I was able to expand into other options. But being able to continue that was something that was huge for me, because I wanted to be able to continue writing my journey, not only writing, but just telling my story and being able to give people hope. And I was able to do that with my blog. You know, we're a small but modest blog. We get

people who message us all the time talking about how much they love the stories that I tell and the messages that I send. I write things from marketing to travel to mental health and writing and I just try to be there for everybody and connect everything to mental health, whether it's how to maintain your mental health as a marketing communications professional or how to face imposter syndrome as a writer. I try to...

be able to incorporate that message of mental illness and mental health and taking care of your mental health and everything that I write because it is so important and powerful for me to make a difference in the world, but also therapeutic for me in a sense to where I'm able to embrace those memories, embrace those thoughts and...

see the people that I'm making a difference because as somebody with a mental illness I never want somebody to feel alone like I did for so long in my life. So being able to know that I'm making a difference and making other people feel like they're not alone is just empowering.

Sue (15:39.765)
Hmm, I love that. That it sounds so empowering. Now, let me ask you, what are the myths? What do people need to know that they don't know or, you know, these falsehoods that people might have about mental illness? What do you, is that information that we need to get out there to people?

Tyler Wittkofsky (16:05.03)
Yeah, I think the biggest thing is, you know, a lot of people associate mental illness with being crazy. And, you know, those are two totally different things. Crazy is a very derogatory term. You know, it makes people that have a mental illness feel like they're not right, that they are, that there's something wrong with them. And the truth is, you know, like I said earlier, nobody is perfect. Everybody is unique. We all have our quirks and our differences.

And that's what makes us us. That's what makes us beautiful. And never forget that your mental illness is part of you and you are a beautiful person. Everybody is a beautiful person. Um, you know, beauty's in the eye of the beholder and I think everybody's beautiful. So obviously somebody thinks that you're beautiful. So we try, you know, I try to embrace that mindset and really make a difference in people's lives.

Sue (17:02.005)
That is awesome. I love that Tyler. Now tell us for you personally on your own journey. At what point was there a point where you said, you know, I want to get help or I want to heal. Was there like a clear definitive moment that you felt that or because I know so often people don't realize there is help or

Right? That seems to be one of the biggest myths, I think, is people are going it alone. They're they feel shame. They don't want to share. And they don't even think that there is help out there. So at what point did you realize there was help? And if you're open to sharing, what did that look like for you? What was that process like?

Tyler Wittkofsky (17:48.682)
Yeah, so whenever I first started writing this mental illness journey and this mental health journey It was more so meant for helping other people and not really doing anything for myself the blogging that was more for me, but At the end of the day it was still for other people and I was focused on other people and I really never made The effort to make a difference in my life to become a better person and seek help for myself besides psychiatric help I

been going to a psychiatrist since 2015. So however long that is, been exploring that path and on medicine. But, you know, as far as alternative treatments, like sensory therapy and, um, go into see a therapist that didn't really start until we lost my brother in law in 2020, um, about a year after I had released, um, not alone.

And it changed my whole life and my whole perspective on things because I had to realize he, he used to live his life carefree, like, you know, just so enjoyable and had fun and just embrace life for what it was. And that made me realize that that's something I need to do more. I was working, you know, as an award winning marketing communications professional for six years at a local government organization. And

eventually learned that wasn't really important to me. You know, being an award winning marketing communications professional was great, fine and dandy and having this local recognition and this local fame, it was all right, but it didn't make a difference in my life. And that's when I decided to start Tea with Coffee Media, my indie publishing company, and help other media producers, you know, be able to.

Purdue to be able to publish their books and tell their stories that they wanted to tell and needed to tell So and then I started seeking out therapy after my grandfather passed away earlier in 2023 he He was my best friend and one of the biggest influences in my life Losing him was probably one of the toughest losses in my life and I sought out therapy for grief therapy and eventually turned into

Tyler Wittkofsky (20:13.486)
Trauma therapy and things of that sort but sensory therapy which is something I've been doing myself for about four or five years now But that's what I really embrace whenever I've needed to come down and what I mean by sensory therapy is Relying on my senses to ground myself you know thinking of things like your sight your touch your smell your taste and embracing those

Using your smell to go back in time to a simpler time or a safe place using sound to drown out the Noises that are in your head using taste to remember a good time or you know anything Using touch to grab a squish millow or a pillow and just squeeze it and hold it and make it feel like something's there That has always been something that I've used as a way to

calm myself during those dark times.

Sue (21:15.162)
Now, Tyler, what do you like for people who are stuck in struggling? Well, first, I want to ask you, so do you feel or are you in a different place now or a different space? Like, do you still have moments of feeling anxiety or depression?

Is the medication or the treatments, are those helping? How are you doing right now? And do you feel like, yeah, I've gotten help and I'm doing so much better?

Tyler Wittkofsky (21:51.562)
Yeah, I'm definitely doing a lot better, especially since I've started therapy. Uh, whatever I started psychiatry and got on medicine, it was a huge thing for me. Definitely improved my mood and I can tell whenever I don't take my medicine, I can tell the difference in my mood and stabilization and things like that. I still have moments even to this day.

with medication therapy and my own coping mechanisms. I still have days where my anxiety is high or my depression runs rampant, but you're gonna have that. It happens. But the thing is you learn these coping mechanisms to better handle them. You go to therapy to have a better understanding of them. You take medication to reduce...

the amount of times that it happens or the amount of time that it lasts and being able to understand that, that it's never going to be perfect because a lot of people want and expect for medication and therapy and things like that to instantly take away the problem and to be honest, it's a bandaid more than anything. It covers up the problem and you've got to, it heals with time.

Ultimately, you've got to learn the coping mechanisms to deal with the pain and deal with the hurt and Go back to the doctor to let them take care of it take medicine to let it heal But it's something that happens over time and there's different combinations of medicine that you're gonna go through before you find Something I went through probably about six or seven different medications before I found the perfect combination that worked for me

I'm on a cocktail of medications now and that's okay because it stabilizes my mood and it helps me I'm not ashamed of it anymore I used to be real ashamed of it and there were times where I didn't take my medication after I was diagnosed because I thought I was normal and fine and didn't need it and but that just wasn't true and now I know that and I understand that and try to make the conscious effort to

Tyler Wittkofsky (24:05.314)
take my medication and go to therapy whenever I need to make a difference in my life and become a better person overall.

Sue (24:15.73)
Mm-hmm. And what guidance do you have outside of medication or therapy or treatment? Is there something you can offer people like a coping mechanism for people outside of that? Just something that could just help them, you know, in the moment if they're feeling down or anxious or any of that? Is there something that works for you that you can suggest?

Tyler Wittkofsky (24:41.45)
Yeah, so journaling, like we mentioned earlier, but taking it a little bit step further and saying doodling. Sometimes drawing out your emotions and drawing out your thoughts really helps to put the pen to the paper. And if some people just, even if you're not a talented artist or a talented writer, it doesn't matter. I mean, you're just putting down your thoughts for you to see and to express your emotions. So being able to

Embrace that and remember that you don't have to be perfect Nothing that you do has to be perfect whether it's writing therapy or just being alive Nothing has to be perfect. You're not perfect. I'm not perfect Nobody in this world is perfect and we've just got to keep on keep it on and you know, make sure that we're doing the best that we can in our life to put our emotions to you know onto paper or

Express our emotions and get them off our chests so that it doesn't eat us alive You just got to keep on living

Sue (25:45.669)
And for people who have shame around it and don't want to be out there with it, and not that, you know, everyone that's entitled to deal with it the way they want, right? But to kind of own it so you can empower yourself to go get the help or confront a therapist or a family member, some kind of resource, what is your advice to that person? What would you say to them?

Tyler Wittkofsky (26:12.298)
I would say even if it's starting off by going talking to your primary care physician about how you've been feeling and you know letting them kind of talk to you about the options that are out there and if you don't want to reveal it to anybody you know it took me probably about three or four years before I started really telling people around me that I had bipolar disorder.

Um, you know, I'm much more open about my mental illness now than I was eight years ago, whenever I was first diagnosed. So there's nothing wrong with keeping it to yourself at first and learning how to cope with it on your own, because, you know, while having a support system is what got me through it, some people are able to get through it alone. You know, I, I got through it by myself for the first couple of years, because it was a survival technique and I wanted to learn how to deal with it and cope with it myself.

before I brought other people in to help me. So there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it's a good thing and it's refreshing to be able to solve the problem on your own before you really get other people in. But there are gonna be dark moments when you're gonna need people. You're gonna need a therapist or family or a doctor or somebody that you can trust and rely on. So yes, please take the time you need to come out and reveal.

you know, your mental illness and diagnosis, whether, you know, with, like I said, with my bipolar, it took me about three to four years, but I was just recently diagnosed borderline personality. And, uh, you know, that took me, I was calling people as soon as I was diagnosed and letting them know so that they knew that, you know, there's something else, another aspect of my life that's changing, and I am going to need their support to be there for me.

So it gets easier to talk about over time as you become more comfortable with it yourself.

Sue (28:06.857)
Mm-hmm. And Tyler, let me ask you what with all of your writing, what is the one takeaway you want people to have? Like if there were just one takeaway from everything, I know it's been healing for you in a process and you've got so much content. But if there were just one takeaway, what would that be?

Tyler Wittkofsky (28:31.382)
My biggest takeaway is it's okay not to be okay You know that to me is the one thing I want people to take away from all my writing is Just because you're not okay. Just because you don't feel okay Doesn't mean that you know, you're lesser of a person. It is okay to not be okay You're allowed to have bad days

I want people to realize that they're not alone, that there are people out there who care about them and love them. And I'm one of the people that I love people just because, you know, a lot of people hate people based on skin color, eye color, whatever it may be. I love everybody, you know, so if people can hate people, I can love people, right? And that's something that I want to show people is that I'm a lover, that they are loved.

that we're all loved despite our differences. And in fact, that's why we're loved is because of our differences.

Sue (29:31.445)
Wow, I love that. That is so beautiful and so powerful. Now tell us what is next for you? Are there more books? I know you're blogging and you're gonna keep writing, but are there more books? Do you have some other bigger projects and things planned?

Tyler Wittkofsky (29:49.066)
Yeah, so obviously the Seeds of Love is book one. So I've got a five book series planned for that. It goes through the first five years of Clay and Bailey's relationship from the point that they meet to the point that their relationship is kind of finalized or final. I'm not going to say which one. But you know being able to finish that and the next

six or seven years is kind of my goal being able to publish a book a year. With that series, I've also got another Enamored Echoes book coming out next year. It's about Blackbeard the pirate and he has PTSD so he also suffers from a mental illness. And then I've got the Principles coming out in March of 2024 which is based on my grandmother. She was

Like I said, my elementary school principal, but she was also the first female principal in a Royal, Royal County back in the late 1980s. And, uh, she faced a lot of discrimination being a woman. And I wanted to tell her story and go through that, you know, she has anxiety. So that's a relevant part of the story. So, you know,

I'm going to include mental illness in all my writing, whether it's something that I have or something that I'm going to have to research. I want to show people that it's okay not to be okay. So there's more coming from me. We've got my blog, TylerWitkowski.com. I'm always blogging on there two or three times a month, plus coffee chats, which are author interviews or creative interviews. And we've got Tea Time, which are guest blogs.

So my website's kind of full of me staying active. I tweak it two or three times a week. I like messing with it. And Tea with Coffee Media, you know, that's our kind of my other baby and brainchild is Tea with Coffee Media. When I wanna keep publishing authors and telling their stories to get their stories out there and show people that, you know, everybody is loved and accepted and their story deserves to be heard.

Sue (32:08.817)
Wow, Tyler, I think again, I just commend you. I think it's so cool what you're doing and that you're sharing so candidly, so openly, so powerfully, and that you're gonna keep sharing. And you're really on a mission to kind of, I can feel it and sense it, just really wanting to help and touch people and help people feel safe in what they're experiencing. So that's so beautiful and so powerful.

So first and foremost, I just, again, I just said it, but I'm gonna say it again, I commend you, and I think it's so amazing what you're up to, and I'm just so honored to have had this time with you today.

Tyler Wittkofsky (32:47.054)
Thank you so much, it was such a pleasure to be on the show with you and just be able to share my story and my insights with your audience and hopefully somebody out there takes something away that, you know, they're not alone, that they are loved and please feel free to reach out to me, anybody out there. I'm on social media at Tyler Witkowski and please reach out to me and

Talk to me, you know, if you need somebody, I'm here. All of my DMs are always open just because I wanna help people and I wanna see people know that they're not alone.

Sue (33:21.137)
That's so powerful and I'm going to be sure to have links to all of your stuff Tyler and now in closing you kind of just said it but I know there's more and people are gonna have so many takeaways from What you've shared here. I know that but in closing if there were just one message Your hope for everybody. What is that closing message? You want to leave us with?

Tyler Wittkofsky (33:42.486)
My closing message is you are not alone. You're never alone.

Sue (33:50.633)
Wow, I love it. That was so powerful. You've been so awesome, Tyler. Thank you so much.

Tyler Wittkofsky (33:57.73)
Thank you so much, Sue. It's been a real pleasure.

Sue (34:01.301)
Thank you.