Blossom Your Awesome Podcast Bipolar Disorder With Steve Wilson

Blossom Your Awesome Podcast Bipolar Disorder With Steve Wilson

Steve Wilson joins us to discuss his more than 50 year journey with Bipolar Disorder.

He is a passionate mental health advocate who also is a mental health group facilitator for those struggling with mental health.

He is the author of Teetering On A Tightrope: My Bipolar Journey

To learn more about Steve click here.

We talk about the myths of mental health and what it really is like for someone with Bipolar disorder. 

• Bipolar can be managed
• it takes work and medication and the right attitude and accepting help
• help is out there via nami.org

Greatest Takeaway: Mental health issues no matter how complex can be managed and you can learn to live powerfully with whatever disorder or mental health challenge you may be facing as long as you are open to receiving help and working toward recovery. 

To see more of my work check me out at my website

Where I write and cover mindfulness and other things to help you Blossom Your Awesome.

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To see more of who I'm talking to on the Podcast, to advertise your brand on the Blossom Your Awesome Podcast or just get in touch click here. 

Transcript

Sue (00:00.976)
Hi there, today on the show, we have got Steve Wilson here with us. I am so honored and delighted to have you here. Welcome to the show.

Steve Wilson (00:08.758)
Thank you. Glad to be here.

Sue (00:10.936)
Oh, I am so happy to have you here, Steve, and get into your story. You have a new book out, Teetering on a Tightrope, My Bipolar Journey. You have you were diagnosed at 22. You've been living with bipolar disorder for more than 50 years. It's a remarkable story, the ups and downs and now sharing so candidly in your book. Give us let's start with the backstory here.

Steve Wilson (00:37.675)
Well...

It all started when I was nine years old. Up until that time, an eight long years, I was a pretty normal kid, good student, everything going well. And then I went to a movie theater one Saturday afternoon. And at that time they showed, this is 1958, so it's a while back. At that time they showed a double feature.

you would see one movie and then you'd go for an intermission and then you'd see another movie. So that day I saw the first movie, went up to the concession stand and they had a separate Coke machine. So I went over to the Coke machine to buy my Coke and a guy put a dime, that's what the Coke cost them back then, to get my Coke and he said, you know, I really need your help. Can you do something for me?

And being a dumb, naive kid, I said, sure. So we walked into this room and it ended up being the restroom. And he sexually assaulted.

Steve Wilson (01:49.214)
At that time, not much was known about sexual assault, or it was, if it was, it was kind of kept in the shadows. And I kind of blamed myself. I didn't know why the hell it happened. I never knew anything like that could happen. So I decided to just not tell anybody. And I didn't for 30 years. And I was in fourth grade and about...

Two months later, I went into my first depressive episode. Never felt worse in my life, my short life. Didn't want to live, thought I had nobody to love me. Life wasn't worth going on. Just felt terrible. Hard to explain what deep depression feels like to someone who has not experienced it. They can't grasp.

even come close to grasping how bad it really is. I mean, you just feel like a worthless piece of nothing. So anyway, that lasted about two months because bipolar for me anyway, and I think most people is like a roller coaster ride. You're down for a couple months, depending on your cycle, could be 10 days, could be a year, anything else. And then...

at the end of that down cycle, you go up and live a fairly normal life if you're lucky. There are two kinds of bipolar. There's bipolar one, which starts out either in depression or mania. And the mania is so damn bad that you'll spend all your money, you'll ruin your relationships, you'll give things away.

You think you can do anything, you're unstoppable. And then you come down into the depression and you get up and you look and you've destroyed your life. Now, I didn't have that. I had bipolar, I have bipolar too, which is even worse depression. And instead of going into a deep mania, you go into what is called hypomania.

Steve Wilson (04:16.502)
which is feeling normal, but doing things that are a little manic, maybe halfway to mania. For instance, one time I was buying a car with my wife and she bought her car and I looked over and I said, "'Oh, I'll take that one too.'" No thought, no nothing, threw away 20 or 30,000 bucks on a car we didn't need, but that's what happens.

So I went through high school, up and down was bad, and then it got really bad right after I graduated from college, and then I got in a fight with my father, and ended up in a mental hospital for three weeks.

Sue (05:07.08)
Wow. Okay. So first and foremost, Steve, I want to commend you for telling the story, sharing your story, shedding light and insight from an insider's perspective, because we may have a friend or a family member, but so often people are not talking about this stuff, right? And I think also

with your generation and it's still the case, very much the case, but things are shifting a little where there's so much stigma with rape or molestation and things like that, where people just didn't feel safe sharing and opening up. So I just honor you and I think it's so remarkable of you and take so much bravery and courage to share your story.

Steve Wilson (05:58.39)
Well, thank you.

Steve Wilson (06:03.354)
I wrote a book.

because I went to a, I got better, really a lot better in the year 2000. And I've been good ever since, but I had a couple things that had bothered me for 50 years that I had taken the biggest toll on my life. And I needed to get those cleared up, so I went to a...

Trauma therapist. I'd never been to a trauma therapist. I'd been to a regular therapist, but this was a new experience for me. So she started out and had me go through my entire life, starting with my first memory and going through everything. It took several months. We discussed everything along the way and...

she really helped me get over those two or three things that didn't bother me. But at the end of this, she says, you know, you've got so much stuff going on in this life of years, you ought to write a book. Well, I'd been a sports writer and had been sports information director for Ohio Wesleyan University. So I knew a little bit about writing. So I decided to. The goal was not really how many books I sold.

The goal is trying to bring out the information. One, that for those who do not suffer from mental illness and don't have much contact with it, but all they do is listen to the news and hear how bad we all are. To try to get out the information that they, it's just like having a regular physical disease, but you just can't see it, so you don't know what's going on.

Steve Wilson (08:02.542)
And the second reason was to those people who were suffering through it. Just like me, they can, if they pursue the right path, they can get and have a good life and get through this.

Sue (08:18.588)
Yeah. And you know, one thing I always, I think is so amazing about people who write openly about their trauma. I mean, one, like you say, you're giving insight to people who don't know, and they're just getting like a third party perspective about what it's like, what it really is to live with this, that you're just like everyone else. And it's safe, it's okay, you're harmless, all of these things that we need to let people know.

But also I think the beauty a lot of times that people don't realize is how therapeutic it can be for you, right? So talk to us about that. Like, did you anticipate that it was gonna be therapeutic? Was it? What was this process of writing and sharing and letting it all out? Was it liberating? What did that feel like for you?

Steve Wilson (09:13.038)
Well, I'll tell you, the most liberating thing for me has been the groups that I facilitate here in Phoenix twice a week. People from all over the area and a couple from other places in the United States meet with me on Tuesday and Thursday night for a couple hours. They are people.

who suffer from all types of mental illness, just not bipolar and depression. And we just talk. I let each one of them go through whatever they wanna talk about. And they bring up some amazing stuff that's happened to them that precipitated probably what is wrong with them today. But there's no correlation proven.

between sexual assault, physical assault, mental beat up, and like me, I have bipolar, but there's no real connection that they don't know. So I have found that a high percentage of the people who come to my groups were either sexually assaulted, beaten, or...

mentally abused. I don't know what that percentage is, but it's pretty explicit.

Steve Wilson (10:48.966)
Usually, if a person gets to that point in my groups, they'll tell us what happened. Maybe not the whole story, but they'll give us a gist of it. And it is very rewarding to see someone get this strain off their back. And in our groups, we're not allowed to criticize anybody. So.

They feel welcome. They feel for the first time in their lives, they're not alone. We have.

Every day, my company, not my company, but the company I volunteer for, has a group. I do two. There are three others who do a group or two every week. And several of the people in my group attend every other group because that's their social, you know, they may be terribly anxious or depressed. They can't get out.

They stay in bed all day. So this is a way for them to connect with other people.

Sue (12:03.096)
I think that's so remarkable, Steve. And the fact is it, so like you say, the best part of this or kind of the most fulfilling thing for you has been facilitating these groups. There has to be a level of healing that's taking place for you as well as you've been facilitating.

Steve Wilson (12:24.278)
Well, I'll tell you, I got a break. First off, we ought to go all the way back. When Efra got out of the hospital in 1971 and 72, I was diagnosed clinically depressed and none of the medication worked and I got worse and worse and worse. And six years later in 1978, my psychiatrist came to me and said, you know, I think I made a mistake, you're bipolar.

Hell, I didn't know what bipolar was, never heard of it. But anyway, we in the old days called it manic depression. And so they prescribed lithium for me and that's what got me on the road to recovery. Now the recovery took another 30 years or 22 years, whatever it was, because I got additional medication after that. But...

Steve Wilson (13:25.182)
It was.

Something that I wanted to get out and tell people that if you can get yourself to go to a therapist, could be a psychiatrist or somebody who does counseling, you'll be on the road to getting better, but it is a long, long process. There is no cure for depression. There is no cure for bipolar.

but there is plenty of help. Medication is one. A lot of the medication has side effects. And you have, as a patient, you have to determine if you're getting better mentally and you have a side effect like a massive weight gain, you and your own mind have to decide which is more important to you, to be mentally efficient.

or get rid of the weight. That's the kind of stuff that is thrown at us all the time. And there's another big thing.

We in this country and many other countries have horrible mental health programs.

Steve Wilson (14:48.998)
If you're lucky enough to be financially okay, I would say, I don't know, you can't put a price tag on it, but you got to be making $50,000 minimum a year because the insurance doesn't cover much or anything at all. They don't want to pay out. So if you're not making pretty good money and then a guy might...

My trauma therapist charged $200 for a 50 minute session. So a lot of people can't afford that. So.

they end up going to clinics. If they know about them, and to get into them, you have to be...

Steve Wilson (15:43.91)
on disability insurance. And when you go to them, it takes a while to get in to see somebody. And then if you're really in distress and need big time help, you'll see a psychiatrist and they'll say, okay, you can come back in a month or two. But what do you do if you're in real distress?

So, and then maybe if you go, they do put you in, you go back and your first therapist isn't even there anymore. It doesn't cost anything, it's better than nothing, but it's a very poor system. And if you look in this country with a terrible stigma against mental health, mental illness, the government doesn't really get too much involved.

They'd rather spend their money on whatever they're doing. And so people just have to suffer on their own. And that's very, very distressing.

Sue (16:53.724)
Mm-hmm. And what is the solution to this? I mean, so a couple of things. One, Steve, what is your guidance to people? Like if somebody needed help and were listening, what kind of resources can they tap into? What is your advice to that person who's stuck and struggling?

Steve Wilson (17:16.758)
Well, even though I'm not a fan of the clinics, that's one of the big ways. You've got a chance. The other way for a lot of people with groups like mine, they're all over the United States. If you want to find one in your area, go to NAMI, N-A-M-I. And they...

know where all the groups are and they can get you set up with one. Now, the NAMI is a national association for mental illness. Very easy to find them online.

Steve Wilson (18:05.916)
I want you to know about medication.

Medication helps only about 50% of those who are suffering from mental illness.

One, it either doesn't help them get on their way to recovery, or number two, it doesn't help much. And it's got some terrible side effects that you can't overlook. So for them, if they happen to know about it, if they don't have a therapist, they'll never find out about it. But there are programs like EMDR, cognitive therapy.

uh...

Steve Wilson (18:54.174)
intensive outpatient therapy. There's one or two people in my group who are taking ketamine treatments, but those people are well off enough because they can afford it. The last time I looked, it was $500 a session.

So, but there are these programs. Insurance does cover a lot of them, so that's good. But people don't know about them.

So we got a lot of stuff to get out to the public about where they can find help.

Sue (19:38.368)
And now, you know, for a friend, family member, loved one, someone who's dealing with somebody who might be depressed or have some sort of, you know, bipolar or whatever it may be, what do you want that person to know? Like, what would you tell your family today that you weren't able to then in hindsight? What should the outside, you know, people on the outside looking in know?

Steve Wilson (20:05.534)
The big thing they can do is give that person support. Don't criticize him. Don't tell him, oh, you have no reason to be depressed. You've got a good family life. Don't tell him to go take a walk. That'll make him feel better. Just give him the love and kindness and support you can. You can't fix him. And you're gonna run into victims who are very unstable. They can be hostile.

They can say terrible things to you. In my group, parents have thrown kids out of their homes because they didn't know how to handle them.

Steve Wilson (20:49.982)
But there is help even for people who are friends and parents and family members. And once again, it's to go to NAMI. NAMI gives courses for people who are involved with those suffering from mental illness. And they can tell you what to expect and how to react. It's a great program. So you can do that.

But you gotta know that if you're a parent of someone suffering from a deep mental illness like I had, it's gonna be a long way to hoe. Or the parent will have no idea what the person is going through. And they just kind of give up on them. That's what happened to me. My parents had no clue what I was going through.

So for, let's see, 58 to 71, for about 12 years, they ignored it.

Sue (22:00.78)
And so you know it's hard when you don't know what the person needs so how do you because I'm sure not everyone is always receptive to help either right so what is the answer to that?

Steve Wilson (22:18.414)
There's only one answer to it as far as I'm concerned, and that falls on the one who's suffering. He has to want to get better. You wouldn't imagine, couldn't imagine how many people go around just saying, well, they can't help me, I'll just live my life this way. Life is supposed to be this way. And they never try to get help. And then they're the ones who, maybe their parents...

or their brother or somebody suggested, good psychiatrist. The psychiatrist says, well, you need this medication. They take the medication. Now, when you go to a psychiatrist, they'll say, and they give you medication, they'll say, now, don't worry if nothing happens for a couple of months because it takes that long to get it in your system.

Well, a lot of people will go in and take medication. It doesn't work for two or three weeks. They throw it away. And maybe they'll go back. Maybe they won't go back to the psychiatrist. Then there's the other group that tries the medication. The medication works after a couple months, maybe a few months later, they'll go, I'm feeling great. I don't need this medication anymore.

and they'll stop taking it. And there's what's called a half-life on the medication. That's how long it stays in your body and continues to work. That stops, and then the person crashes. So, what do you do when that happens? And it happens a lot. You've got one choice, give up, or get back up and get in the system again.

Steve Wilson (24:11.892)
People have got to learn that this process of getting a decent life out of this is a long haul. I've been doing it for 50 years. So that's what they're faced with.

Sue (24:27.416)
Yeah, and for you, so give us some insight here, Steve, like, you know, you're saying it's a long haul, but you're better. And I'm, I know you're glad you got the help because it's generally, I'm sure you have your ups and downs in your moments, but you're generally better, right? And you're advising people get help. But for you, what was it at, like, how did that happen for you? At what point did you decide or say, okay, I'm going to try to get help?

and then realize it's working, I'm going to stick with this.

Steve Wilson (25:01.326)
Well, I was one of the lucky ones and am one of the lucky ones. The medication worked over the years. In 1978 when they changed my diagnosis to bipolar, it opened up a whole new range of medications for me. Now, let's go back and see again. It was 1978. Now today on TV, you'll see ads galore that talk about

bipolar, schizophrenia, whatever, and how they got this new drug for it. Well, back then, they had very few drugs. Lithium was and still is one of the golden drugs that you can take. And I got on lithium and almost immediately within that two month frame got better, got about 50% better. And that...

helped me a lot to go through life and have good times, raise a family, and just enjoy a normal life. The things that stayed with me mostly were ruminations, where my mind would just beat me up with worrying about things that had happened in my past. Now this isn't just a worry that you go, oh, I remember when I did that, that's too bad.

This is when it goes around and around in your head all day for weeks. And there's a bunch of those things going on and you can't get control of your mind. Now, again, as I've said, bipolar goes up and down. So there are still good times when the ruminations lessen and you can get through life. Um, I was suffering badly from the ruminations in about the year 2000.

And I went to a new psychiatrist because mine had died. And when I told him about the ruminations, he said, we're going to try another medication for you, Paxil, which is still on the market today and as is lithium. And right away it shut down a lot of the ruminations. So ever since then, I've been pretty damn good. 2000.

Sue (27:27.728)
Wow, and this is, you know, again, I just commend you, Steve. I think it's so remarkable what you're doing. You're leading these groups, you're facilitating healing, and you're sharing out here, you're writing about it, and you're sharing with us. And I think, you know, like you say, people don't have access to this information. And this is one of the questions I was going to ask you, is it, with the medication, it's got to be evolving and getting better.

This is the insight you're giving us here, right? That it's more effective now than it was 30 years ago.

Steve Wilson (28:03.082)
Now I have not taken anything, everybody I know in my groups who is suffering is on a cocktail, which means more than one medication. I'm on four. Some people are on six and eight. So that cocktail is very important. But then again, you get the people who decide I'm on too much medication. So I'm going to cut it out. And the first one to go is their psych med. So that...

That is a problem. But I think the big thing is for the sufferers, they've just got to realize that it's up to them. It's not up to the doctor. If you're not in the mindset to get better, and you will crash from time to time, if you don't fight it, you can't get through it.

Sue (28:59.92)
What other guidance do you have to people who are just don't even know where to begin? They don't see the light. They don't see any hope.

Steve Wilson (29:12.578)
First of all, they've got to admit that they've got a problem. And they've got to seek out, first place, most young people goes online. And they look up psychiatrists that read about mental illness. And a good number of them will take steps to get some help.

Now, there's another problem. Fitting the sufferer with a therapist who can help them, who is tuned into their problems. Many of these bipolar people or schizophrenics, let me tell you this. When you first start out in therapy, the first day, you're not going to connect.

The second, you might not, and so on down the road. You've gotta stick with it and see if you're ever gonna get that connection. I got people in my group who go to a psychiatrist one time. He doesn't cure them, so they quit. So it's up, my whole thing is you can get better, but it's up to you to wanna get better.

Sue (30:33.197)
And you can get better. I think that it's just so powerful that you're sharing that with people that you can get better. You're living proof of it. You got to keep you got to want it and you got to keep working towards it and believing.

Steve Wilson (30:53.251)
So.

There are...

obstacles. There are side effects as we've talked about. I had two big ones. One, the lithium can cause kidney failure, kidney problems. I was one of those that happened too and I had to have a kidney transplant. And I just got that two years ago. So, I had to have

The other one was I took a drug and have still, I'm still taking it that caused tardive dyskinesia, which is an involuntary body movement. Mine is in my eyelids, and I get Botox shots around my eyes every three months. So you never, but I still decided, screw it. I'm gonna keep taking the medication, no matter how bad these side effects are.

But I got through them. They're taken care of.

Sue (32:01.392)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it seems that, you know, the upside is far greater than the downside, right?

Steve Wilson (32:10.878)
Most of the time. Not always, but most of the time.

Sue (32:18.24)
And what is a myth that we need to know or debunk here, Steve, that is kind of out there that you just something about mental illness or depression or anxiety that you're like, God, I hate it when people say this or this is just so false and this false narrative out there that we need to correct?

Steve Wilson (32:39.778)
That's easy. It's a stigma people have in their minds about mental health is those people suffering it should be taken off the streets, locked up and get out of my life.

Steve Wilson (32:57.282)
The news today is worsening the situation because of all these shootings we have, everybody blames it on the mentally ill on TV. So when you are a normal citizen, you don't know much about mental illness and you hear day after day that the mentally ill are killing people, well, that's the first thought in your mind.

Sue (33:11.888)
Mm-hmm.

Steve Wilson (33:26.59)
get rid of them. It isn't fair. It isn't justified. It isn't true. But that's what's going on in this country.

Sue (33:39.844)
Wow. Oh my goodness, Steve. So a couple of things. First and foremost, I just want to thank you so much because I think it's so remarkable what you're up to, what you do, and the insights you've shared today here from your own personal, you know, living with this, being recovering, helping other people heal and do better.

I think people are going to have so many takeaways, and I just commend you, and I thank you so much for your time today.

Steve Wilson (34:13.218)
Well, thank you very much. All I want to do is get the word out and, um, it's a tough way to go. I've done about 25 podcasts. Um, I don't know what good they're doing. Uh, I hope they're doing some good, but, uh, you know, if we just help a few people, it'd be worth it.

Sue (34:34.776)
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I am certain they're doing good because again, like you say, even if it's just, you know, getting the word out there more and more, more of us having this conversation sharing, just getting it out there for people to access. So I know what you're doing. Your heart is in the right place. Your group that you lead twice a week. I know that's helping people and you out here sharing your story, writing about it. Now in closing, Steve, if there were one message, your hope.

for everybody, what is that closing message you'd like to leave us with?

Steve Wilson (35:10.218)
Well, I think there are, we've discussed them there really too. And it's realizing you can get help and you can have a good life and to somehow get rid of the stigma against mental health. That more than anything will help us because you know, the government can do some things about this. They can have, all they got to do is allocate more money and set up more.

programs. There's no outcry to do it. So they just shove it onto the shelf and don't even think about it. So those are the two main things I like to get out of my book, Teetering on a Tightrope, My Bipolar Journey, just to plug myself.

Steve Wilson (36:02.87)
It's, it is, Oh, I'll tell you something else. I do podcasts that come from all over the world. Everybody has the same problems. Everybody's mental health program is insufficient. Almost everybody has a population of mentally ill people that is around 20%. If you sit here and figure that out, that's a lot of people.

So it's not a small problem. And we got to get the word out.

Sue (36:40.824)
I love that. That is such a powerful closing message. You've been so wonderful, Steve. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Steve Wilson (36:46.382)
Thank you. No problem.