Blossom Your Awesome Podcast Laughter Is The Best Medicine With Yvonne DeSousa

Blossom Your Awesome Podcast Laughter Is The Best Medicine With Yvonne DeSousa

Yvonne DeSousa is a writer with a humor blog where she shares one lines she likes to call "Laugh Lines."

Yvonne was diagnosed with MS and found that laughter helped her manage it powerfully. She attributes her journey of embracing it and keeping it from progressing to the power of being able to laugh things off.

Yvonne is also the author of two books a Memoir about living with MS and a second memoire about love and addiction

To learn more about Yvonne click here.

On this episode - 

Yvonne shares how our attitude in laugh and taking hard things like a diagnosis of MS can be managed and embraced powerfully with a positive attitude and a little humor to boot. 

• Laughter is nourishing and healing
• medicine is continues making progress 
• there is effective treatment now for MS 

KEY TAKEAWAY - When life throws you a curve ball it's not if you hit a homerun, but how you respond to the ball. Do you swing? How do you show up in life and learning that taking things with a grain of salt and sprinkling in some humor can really be a powerful way to manage ailments, hardships and challenges in life.

To see more of my work check me out at my website

Where I write and cover mindfulness and other things to help you Blossom Your Awesome.

Or follow me on instagram where I post fairly regularly and ask an inquisitive question or two weekly in hopes of getting you thinking about your life and going deeper with it.

My Instagram - i_go_by_skd

To support my work - my Patreon

To see more of who I'm talking to on the Podcast, to advertise your brand on the Blossom Your Awesome Podcast or just get in touch click here.  

Transcript

Sue (00:01.864)
Hi there. Today on the show, we have got Yvonne D'Souza here with us. I am so honored and delighted to have you here. Welcome to the show.

Yvonne deSousa (00:11.586)
Thank you, Sue, so much for inviting me to come talk to you. I'm very excited.

Sue (00:16.144)
Oh, I'm so excited to have you here and get into the work you do. You are the author of two books. One is a science-based memoir on using humor as a coping mechanism. I love that. And we'll talk about your second book as well. So give us a little bit of the backstory. You're also, I wanna just add.

You are a member of the National Multiple Sclerosis Society. You speak at events and you raise awareness about this. So give us some of this backstory.

Yvonne deSousa (00:50.254)
Sure, absolutely. So I'm also a blogger, which happened accidentally. And you said science-based memoir. I wouldn't call it science-based. It was more like what life threw at me type of thing. But basically when I got my diagnosis, it was really overwhelming, stressful week. It was the week before Christmas. I wasn't expecting it. I was at work. And they told me a doctor called and said I had to get to a hospital two hours away in a city that I was afraid to drive in right away.

and I panicked and I wound up calling my little brother. And basically he was the catalyst for this whole writing thing. I love to read, but I didn't really write very much. And he wound up driving me to the hospital and he was a semi-pro dirt bike rider who always drove with two huge dirt bikes in the back of his truck. And he drove me to the appointment and we're leaving and I am just overwhelmed and distraught and confused. And he says to me, you know.

If you didn't wanna, you know, you could really get one of those handicap parking plates now. If you don't want to use it right away, you could let me borrow it. And I thought of his pickup truck with the dirt bikes in the bed backing into a handicap spot. And I just started cracking up and it was such a huge release. And I was still, you know, terrified and confused and overwhelmed, but it was just like, I needed that emotional release and his inappropriate comment.

that caused me to laugh brought it on and from then I just learned as things came up and Multiple sclerosis through you know horrible things at me. I just you know You don't you don't look at it, and you feel like you need to laugh But when I felt like I could make fun of it then it made me feel better it sort of cheered me up and so the book is really about that year and how you know the funny things that the things that I found amusing in the

crazy first year of living with multiple sclerosis. I mean, from then on, I've since learned the science behind it and we don't talk about it enough. You know, we talk about how stress is bad for you and we talk about ways to de-stress, but we don't talk about how laughter is such a valid coping mechanism. And I think that's what my big message is.

Sue (03:04.144)
Mm-hmm. And I just love that big message. And, you know, it's so interesting, Yvonne, that we don't talk about it enough. Considering how much kind of innate joy we get from laughter, like, why aren't we talking about this more, right? And so I love that you're focusing on this and getting this message out. Give us some of that. Can you give us some of that science-based data on laughing and the benefits and whatnot?

Yvonne deSousa (03:32.462)
Well, there's been a lot of studies and basically you have cortisol in your body and cortisol is bad. So you laugh or releases endorphins in your body physically and endorphins like attack cortisol. They call cortisol the stress hormone. So when you laugh, you're releasing endorphins which attack the cortisol and lower it. So that's where the science comes from. And there have been so many different.

studies and I'm not the first person to have found this. I just don't understand why we don't talk about it now that we know. And I think little by little we are, but you know, I go to my neurologist office and I love my neurologist. He's awesome. But there's things up on the wall about how to de-stress and how important it is to de-stress. And I think you get endorphins from everything that's on that list and they're all valid things. But I think laughter should be there too.

Don't like to talk about laughter as a way to de-stress is because the thought is, you know, if you're laughing, then things can't be that bad. And I think we've got to change that mindset because, you know, I think it's important. It's finding humor where you can. It's not always going to be easy, but there are ways to do it. You know, I was talking to a friend of mine who also has multiple sclerosis and he's in the progressive form and he is wheelchair-bound.

And he said to me, I don't see how you can do this. There's nothing funny about this illness. This is the worst thing ever. And there's just nothing of humorous about it. And he said about the only thing that I can find humorous is being wheelchair bound. I have the best judge. I have the best viewpoint to judge other people's butts. And I laughed and I'm like, that's funny. You can go off on that. Like you can have a butt judging contest.

It doesn't mean you're taking away the pain or the frustration that you can't freely move and you have to use this wheelchair. I'm not saying that those things don't exist. It's finding the mindset within those things.

Sue (05:39.732)
Yeah, and you know, what do you, so this is the perfect kind of, you know, intro to my question here. So you have this friend who's going through the exact same thing. It sounds like his is, you know, maybe a little more progressive or different in certain ways, but he doesn't have that same perspective or the same attitude where for you, it's.

lightening the load in some sense, right, by having this perspective of lightheartedness and allowing that. So what do you attribute to that? Like, why are you able to kind of see the light in things?

Yvonne deSousa (06:22.574)
I think my little brother's comment coming when it did was very beneficial. I think it would have been easier and more common and more likely to just go down this road of like, what am I going to do now? They're telling me I need to have medication that shots. And I think, you know, and all of those emotions were valid. I don't want people to think that I'm saying those emotions aren't valid. They are valid.

Absolutely. And crying releases endorphins too. So crying is good. And I have my cries. I, you know, people should invest in Kleenex, you know, I do have my cries. I'm just saying that this is another way of also getting those endorphins out. So I think it was more timing, maybe, or I'm not really sure what it was. Maybe the help was that I started to write down the things that I found amusing.

And before I knew it, I learned that I had this skill that I could write funny and who knew? I had no idea. So maybe that's what it is. I'm not sure. Maybe because we're so set on seeing the bad and living in the bad, I think. And, you know, having, being able to use humor does not take away the bad. I'm not saying that things are, you know, and multiple sclerosis or other chronic illnesses are gonna be a breeze after that.

So, but I think like it's just a little perspective change and I'm not sure.

Sue (07:54.652)
Well, I just think it's so powerful, this ability to kind of, it's almost like when you say you're writing about the funny things, then that of course is going to help, right? Because it becomes habitual, you're seeing more funny things, you're happier, more lighthearted. It's evoking some deeper sense of gratitude almost.

Yvonne deSousa (08:18.958)
Well, I think that and the other thing I want to say is for me, life with multiple sclerosis was just weird and unexplained. I mean, it was bad, but it was weird. So I find out I have to start giving myself injections three times a week, which is just horrifying for the rest of my life at the time is what we thought. And I get the box of injections and it's made by Chinese hamster ovary cells. Literally, it's right on the box. Like you can't make that up.

like what scientist is in his lab thinking, hey, let's try this to like see if Chinese hamster ovary cells will cure MS, you know, or stop the progression. So maybe I just had the mindset where I could look at that weirdness and be like, no, this can't be right. This is too weird. And then started to make fun of it. My insurance company sent me an advocate. They had someone call me and she said she was here to help me with all things related with MS. I guess

My thing was I got frustrated easily and in my way of fighting the frustration was fighting back. So this woman calls me, she's going to help me with all things MS related. She's from my insurance company. And then my insurance premium skyrocket to the point where there's no way I can afford any medication, never mind the MS medication. And so I call her to talk about that. And she said, well, I'm not here to help with financial things. I'm here to help with the stress of living with multiple sclerosis.

And I'm like, well, I'm stressed because I can't pay for my medications that are like causing, you know, so it was that frustration and I just like, I had to make fun of it because it was just so bizarre to me. So.

Sue (09:57.18)
Wow, and now, you know, I have to ask you, I mean, so talking about your condition and how you seem so positive and managing it and obviously you're seeing the benefits of humor, how much do you think that plays a role in you managing it as powerfully as you are and it not progressing in the way maybe it is for your friend?

Yvonne deSousa (10:29.262)
I want to be cautious about answering that. I mean, I think what I'm suggesting is that laughter is a valid coping mechanism in all things, no matter what you have going through, whatever your stress or your trauma is, or maybe trauma is too strong a word. But whatever your difficulty is, I think laughter is a valid coping mechanism. I don't know if I'm just fortunate physically. I think MS is a very unpredictable and frightening illness and it affects people differently.

So I don't want people to think that I'm saying, this is my cure or I've been fortunate. And I do have my bad times. I do have my exacerbations that are horrible. And I will still do my best to try to laugh during those, but they're hard. And I don't want people to think, oh, if you laugh at everything, everything will go away. I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying.

I'm just saying it's a different mindset and I think it's a little bit of a more fun mindset. And I don't know about your listeners, but I look better when I'm laughing than when I'm crying, so it works for me. But I don't want them to think, I mean, I am actually doing very well. I'm fortunate. I've been, I've reached my, physically I've responded well to the medications. So I have relapsing remitting MS, so I've been stable. And for that, I'm very fortunate.

Sue (11:54.656)
and not to demean or diminish or take away from what anyone else is going through with the condition or not alluding to that, right? But asking you personally, I mean, it's obviously helping you manage it better, right? Your coping skills seem to be better with that mindset.

Yvonne deSousa (12:19.273)
I agree. I think I would definitely agree to that.

Sue (12:23.068)
Yes. And then now talk to us about the condition itself and give us some insights here because I know there's just so many advancements on so many different fronts with so many different conditions. So what are you seeing in terms of MS? Has there been some great new effective treatments and things that you're seeing and hopeful about?

Yvonne deSousa (12:48.498)
Absolutely. So when we started talking, I had mentioned that my disease modification treatment was going to be injections three times a week. At the time that I was diagnosed in 2017, there were not a lot of options and they all were injections. And since then, there's oral medications, there's infusions, there's a lot more, there's monthly infusions as well as twice a year infusions. So just what they can do to...

help stabilize the disease. There's no cure as of yet, but there's a lot more treatment options to keep the disease from progressing as much as possible. So that's been huge. I think there's definitely been more communication. And I think there's also been more treatment for the symptoms of MS, the side effects.

So you can't cure this illness, but there are definitely more options to help you live with your symptoms. And I think that's increased a lot too.

Sue (13:55.176)
Wow, that's so amazing. And obviously just with advancements, it's so amazing even now with so many different, just in the last few weeks or few months, all of these effective treatments for cancer, incurable cancers, it's remarkable, like science and what is happening. So I just, I think that's so incredible. Now, let me...

Yvonne deSousa (14:17.646)
Actually, before we go on, I have to interrupt you. I just realized, so one of my big issues with my MS is cognitive. And I just realized I misstated a huge fact that a lot of your listeners might be like, wait a minute, I was diagnosed in 2009, not 2017. I have no idea where 2017 just came from. Well, yes, I do. So I was diagnosed December 17th of 2009. So just want to clear that up. And back at that time, there were no oral medications. It was just the injections.

Sue (14:47.12)
Wow, and which is remarkable, Yvonne, because it's 2009, so that's 14 years ago, and it sounds like just in that interim, there's been advancements that have helped you along the way, right? That have, yeah, that's amazing. I just think that's so wonderful. Now, let me ask you, wanting to talk to you about writing. I always find it so remarkable,

Yvonne deSousa (15:01.774)
Absolutely, absolutely.

Sue (15:17.164)
might have some sort of condition or trauma or different things writing and how powerfully healing that can be. So talk to us on a personal level how the writing has helped you with what you're living with, with your condition.

Yvonne deSousa (15:37.194)
Right, absolutely. So because of my cognitive issues, I did have to stop working. And I loved to read. And when I was a kid, I thought I'd become a famous writer. So I actually, and you know, I'd started, and then I started writing down, you know, the frustrations of MS. And before I knew it, I had enough to start thinking about a book. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna publish a book and I'm gonna become this famous author and that's how I'll support myself. That hasn't really worked out quite that way, but.

I, you know, it was healing to get these stories out. And it was, you know, all of a sudden I started the blog and I started speaking and it's a real high to make people laugh. It's wow, it's like suddenly I understand like what comedians and musicians, like it's just getting that response from someone was a big encouraging thrill for me. And so then I started the blog because, you know, I had somebody who was,

an agent who was looking at the book and she was saying, you need a platform, that's a platform. And she said, people who are already interested in your writing, so you should start a blog. And I'm like, well, what am I gonna write about in a blog? Like, you know, that's every month, what am I gonna come up with? And it turns out multiple sclerosis gives me a lot of material. So I do have, so the blog does keep going on. And I do get a lot of feedback from people and it's such a joy when people reach out or comment on the blog and just tell you, you know.

that you've really helped when they were having a bad day or, oh yeah, I can relate to that. That happens to me too. That's just insane. So it's been great. And then this latest book is not a funny book. I was actually in a writing group and I was trying to write something for them. And for, I was actually published for Chicken Soup for the Soul. And I was trying to write something new for Chicken Soup for the Soul. And I had a topic to write about.

but all that kept focusing in my mind was something that was not appropriate for chicken soup for the soul. So I just wrote a little outline as something to take to writing group the next day. And writing group was like, wow, this story you need to expand on this. We wanna know more. And it was about a difficult relation. It was about a crucial relationship that I would not take back no matter what, but it was difficult at times, but it also taught me a lot.

Yvonne deSousa (17:59.098)
And so before I knew it, I started just based on my writing groups input, I started writing about this relationship and the stories just poured out of me. And that was incredibly healing as well. And I think I just wanted to tell the story. I think I was, you know, I needed to tell this story once I started writing it. So it was very healing. So.

When it comes to living with a chronic illness, I have the humor blog and that's the way I deal with the frustration of living with MS is using the humor blog. But this story was more of emotional healing about coming to terms with a lot of feelings of growing up, falling in love, first love and that kind of stuff. And it is kind of funny because the main character, the love interest in the story was actually a very playful, funny person.

and yet the story is very serious. So I like to look at it as my first book was a funny book about a serious illness, and my second book is a serious book about a funny person. So I might've gotten those things wrong, but it's working for me, so I'm going with it.

Sue (19:10.1)
I love that. It sounds like it is working. And, you know, again, just coming back to this idea of healing, I think it's so powerful because initially when you go into write, you're just you discover this love of writing. Then you discover that, hey, I'm funny. And then it's like the healing aspect of it is almost just like a bonus that you are probably not anticipating really, right? So often people are just kind of writing to share

be creative and then all of a sudden it's like, wow, this was therapeutic.

Yvonne deSousa (19:43.666)
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And it means so much, you know, when people reach out to me and tell me that, you know, not only is it helping me to write it, but so many people are saying that it's helped them. And that, I didn't expect that. And that has just been amazing. And I'm so blessed that I can, you know, if I can make someone's day with a funny story or something that they can relate to, I just feel very fortunate if I'm able to do that.

Sue (20:10.08)
Oh, I love that, Yvonne, and you are so fortunate. And then that making people laugh and getting that sort of response from people brings in that kind of deeper fulfillment component that you were potentially not anticipating, right? You're doing it for something, like feeding something within, but then getting that positive feedback. How amazing and how fulfilling has that been on a soul level?

Yvonne deSousa (20:36.082)
It's been incredible. It's been absolutely beyond words. I mean, it's, it's brought me to tears several times, happy tears. But yeah, it's been, it's been great. I had one woman write to me is saying that she had a difficult relationship with her daughter in law. And so she bought MS Madness, my first book, to learn more about the illness. And, you know, I appreciated it so much that she shared it with her daughter in law.

And it started a conversation between them and it really helped the relationship. And she was just so grateful to have had that as the mechanism to like form this better relationship with her daughter-in-law. And then the daughter-in-law wrote to me, separate. I don't even know if she knows her mother-in-law had written to her, just telling me how much she appreciated the book. And it was just, yeah, it was just, oh, getting goosebumps just remembering it right now. So.

Sue (21:28.032)
Oh, I love that. And now this has got to be just fueling something within to make you want to do more of this, right?

Yvonne deSousa (21:39.214)
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And I think I wrote this second book for me, I think as a tribute to this, for my first love. I think I wanted his family and friends to, I wanted to do it for them too. The basic catalyst, the problem that we had was it was addiction. And again, this would have started in the 1990s when this relationship began. And back then we know more, so much more about addiction now.

right? And so maybe this story is a little late in coming. But I, I think I just wanted to get out like, as difficult as times were in this relationship, I treasure it. And I learned a lot from it. And that this person was so much more than his addiction. And I think in the 1990s, it was hard for people to look and see any to see the good beyond the addiction. And thankfully, we can do that better now.

which is great, but I just, I think I wrote this story for me as a tribute to him. And I wanted, you know, his loved ones to see it as a tribute to that, to him as well.

Sue (22:49.776)
Oh, that is so beautiful. And so much awareness that you're bringing to be able to do that. Because so often the person who's struggling with the addiction turns out to be viewed as the culprit or the bad guy or whatnot, right? And people don't realize even the most people who do things to hurt people, like, or hurt people, right? So it's kind of what it...

Yvonne deSousa (23:04.962)
Okay.

Sue (23:18.98)
comes back to you. Now, let me ask you, Yvonne, you know, what guidance considering what you've gone through in that initial kind of fear and acceptance of the diagnosis and all of that, what advice can you give to someone who's in a place of fear or uncertainty? What is your guidance for that person?

Yvonne deSousa (23:41.73)
I just, I mean, it's simple. It's almost silly, it's so simple, but for someone struggling, and I would dare say for pretty much most of the things you're struggling with, giggles are good for you. Laughter is a valid coping mechanism. I think that, you know, whatever it is that can bring a little bit of smile, a little giggle to you, embrace it and give it a shot. If it's an old...

TV sitcom rerun, if it's a comedian, whatever it may be, if you're laughing, you're smiling, and that can't hurt.

Sue (24:20.164)
And what other, are there resources or things you can recommend in terms of like tapping into joy or what do you do kind of on a regular basis? Those are two questions there, but.

Yvonne deSousa (24:36.119)
My go-to, if I'm really struggling, is dog and baby videos on YouTube. I think they are hysterical. So that would be mine. It can be whatever it is. It can be old reruns of Laverne and Shirley, which I, in discovering this, one of my big discoveries was I never realized how much physical comedy was in Laverne and Shirley, but that's an aside. But it can be old.

sitcoms, it could be books, it could be being with a funny person. It can be just being silly. If silly works for you, then just be silly. Whatever it can. And obviously there's going to be times where you just can't find it. And that's, like I said, those emotions are valid too. I just don't want people to negate that giggles are good for you. If you're giggling, you're smiling, and that's a good thing.

Sue (25:26.724)
I lost you there for a second, Yvonne.

Yvonne deSousa (25:28.55)
Even if it's just temporary, even if it's just for a few seconds, it's still good, you know.

Sue (25:38.189)
I, Yvonne, I lost you there for a second. So you were saying, I just don't want people. And then I lost you, but I just don't want people.

Yvonne deSousa (25:46.59)
I don't want people to negate that, you know, that giggles are good for you, that their emotions are real, and that, you know, smiling is a valid motion and it's okay to do. It's absolutely okay to do even if you are struggling. It's going to be, it might be harder, but if something, if your friend comes over and tells you this crazy experience she just had at the grocery store and you laugh at that, that's okay. I just want people to understand that.

Sue (26:15.968)
And what, you know, looking back now, if there is something to convey to loved ones who might have a loved one struggling or going through something like this, like, what do you wish you could have conveyed that maybe you hadn't to help those who, you know, like family members and loved ones around you to help them kind of better assist you and better process what you're going through?

Yvonne deSousa (26:44.514)
If they want to help a loved one and they don't know how, ask. There's nothing wrong with asking. You know, so many people I think were like, oh, I want to help but I don't know how. Ask. It's another simple, but I think sometimes the simple things are the best. You know, what I needed from a family member might not be what someone else in this situation needs from a family member. So yeah, just ask, I think.

Sue (27:12.744)
That's such a great, you know, and it like it's simple, but it's interesting because it's so difficult to do, right? Cause we wanna help, but we don't know how to help. And we don't know that it can be something as simple as just saying, hey, how can I help you? What can I do rather than kind of suggesting all of these ways to help somebody what you think they need versus just, hey, what do you need? Yeah, I love that. Now, let me ask you.

for people just in general who are stuck in struggling and aside from humor, is there something else?

Yvonne deSousa (27:52.11)
I think when it comes to multiple sclerosis, the chronic illness I have the most experience with, you know, it's so different from everybody. So I would suggest that people feel comfortable with their doctor. My first doctor was an expert in her field. She was, I was, people told me I was so lucky to have this doctor. She was amazing. And we didn't connect. And at times I felt like I was bothering her with questions that she was working with people who had illnesses so much more serious.

I was bothering her and that's not a healthy way to be either. So I'd make sure that you have a good relationship with your care provider. You should feel comfortable being honest and asking questions. And I think those are the two biggest things that I've learned personally on my journey.

Sue (28:41.544)
Another great insight. And now, Yvonne, let me ask you, what is next for you? More books? What's on the cards? What are you working on? What do we need to know about?

Yvonne deSousa (28:54.738)
Well, the blog continues. I actually, the blog comes out every month and I'm actually very excited about my latest topic coming up. So the blog will continue. And I think what I like about the blog is you don't have to have a chronic illness. A lot of it people can relate to in general. When COVID happened, I had a lot of fun in the blog with COVID. So the blog will continue as long as I possibly can. And then I have some story ideas. Right now,

One of my big things with multiple sclerosis is I get tired easy. So it's hard sometimes to do a lot. Right now the big focus is promoting the book. The new book is Shelter of the Monument and it's coming out November 16th, so it's the book promotion. But I do have some ideas on what to work on next. I started, you know, I'm in a writing group and they tell me, how do you open up about your life so much? You know, I'd have such a hard time talking about such personal things.

How do you, you know, how are you able to do that? And they write fiction and I say to him, well, how do you write fiction? Because I can barely keep up with what I'm doing, nevermind what my characters are doing. But that being said, I started a fiction book and I know what I want it to do and I like how I started it and I know where I want the characters to go. I just haven't figured out how to get them there. So there's some things, there's some irons in the fire that I'm working on.

Sue (30:14.916)
Mm-hmm. I love that. And the blog is that the Yvonne D'Souza.com is where they can find all of your writing, have links to all of your stuff. I'll be sure to have a link there in the show notes for people to access. Yeah, now, so first and foremost, Yvonne, I just want to say you've been so awesome, so wonderful, so insightful.

Yvonne deSousa (30:21.058)
Correct. Yes.

Yvonne deSousa (30:29.922)
I need you.

Sue (30:40.528)
You've had so many great takeaways that I think people are just, you know, gonna love to listen to and use some of that powerful guidance you've offered here. So thank you so much for your time today.

Yvonne deSousa (30:55.21)
Well, thank you, Sue. Thank you so much for having me. And thank you for your great blog, for your great podcast. It's wonderful what you're doing. And I really enjoy it. So thank you very much.

Sue (31:05.116)
Thank you so much, Yvonne. Now in closing, you've already said so many wonderful things, but if there was just one message, your hope for everybody, what is that closing message you wanna leave us with?

Yvonne deSousa (31:17.586)
I think it goes back to just, I hope you can find something to smile about today. I mean, there's so much, there's a lot of difficult things going on right now in our world, but if you can find something to smile about today, even one little thing, treasure it.

Sue (31:34.428)
That is such a beautiful closing message. You've been so wonderful, Yvonne. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Yvonne deSousa (31:40.15)
Thank you so much, Sue. Bye-bye.