Your Body and Soul Remembers: A Short Reflection with Lola

In this conversation, Lola Dada-Olley shares her personal journey of navigating the complexities of caregiving, trauma, and the pursuit of wholeness. She reflects on the challenges faced as a caregiver, the impact of trauma on her life, and the importance of embracing vulnerability and compassion. Lola emphasizes that healing is a continuous process and encourages listeners to redefine their understanding of success and leadership in a way that honors their experiences and promotes a sense of safety and connection.


Takeaways

• There is a moment in every caregiver's life when your body tells the truth before your mouth ever does.
• Trauma doesn't always arrive with sirens; it can show up as irritability or autopilot.
• Fear can convince you that survival is the same thing as living.
• Trauma-informed living is for mothers, caregivers, and anyone who has carried more than their fair share.
• Honor the impact of trauma with compassion, not shame.
• Redefine success as presence and connection, not perfection.
• Your children's healing is connected to your own.
• Trauma-informed leadership is about humanity, not titles.
• You're allowed to build a life that feels safe in your own body.
• Wholeness is a daily choice and a quiet revolution.

Sound bites

"Trauma is sneaky like that."
"Fear is a terrible leader."
"You're worthy of that revolution."


Chapters

00:00 The Weight of Caregiving and Trauma
01:57 Understanding Trauma-Informed Living
04:00 Redefining Success and Leadership
05:37 Embracing Wholeness and Healing

Transcript

Lola 0:04

Welcome to Unapologetically Whole. I'm Lola Dada Ali, attorney, advocate, storyteller, and lifetime caregiver. This is a space for anyone navigating identity, caregiving, leadership, or the quiet work of becoming. Here, we tell the truth, the beautiful parts, the complicated parts, and the parts we're still learning how to name. Some episodes are intimate reflections. Others are conversations with people whose stories expand our understanding of resilience and wholeness. No matter the format, the heart of this show is the same. To remind you that your story matters, your voice matters, and you are allowed to be whole without apology. Let's begin. For me, that moment came in the early years after we moved to Texas. I was juggling therapies, navigating a new school system, learning a new city, and trying to make sense of a birth story that left a permanent imprint on my nervous system. I didn't have the language for it then. I just knew I was tired in a way that sleep couldn't fix. I was anxious in a way that prayer alone couldn't always soothe, because I wasn't allowing myself to sit fully in it. I was grieving expectations I didn't even know I had. Trauma is sneaky like that. It doesn't always arrive with sirens. Sometimes it shows up as autopilot. Sometimes it shows up as irritability. Sometimes it shows up as the version of you who can get everything done but can't feel anything while doing it. I remember waking up in the middle of the night again. After another nightmare about my daughter. What stayed with me when I woke up was that familiar ache of helplessness. The ache of a mother who wished she could rewrite the moment her child entered the world. The ache of a woman who didn't yet understand that trauma isn't just what happened. It's also what stayed. And what stayed with me was fear. Fear that I had failed her. Fear that I wasn't. Fear that I didn't hold everything together, even though I was doing a decent job of attempting to do so. I was afraid to take a breath because I really was fearful that everything would fall apart. But here's the thing about fear: it's a terrible leader. It will run your life if you let it. It will convince you that survival is the same thing as living. It took me years, a lot of good therapy. And a lot with a lot of prayer to understand that trauma informed living isn't just for clinicians or therapists. It's for mothers. It's for caregivers. It's for leaders. It's for anyone who has ever carried more than their fair share. Trauma informed living asks us to do three things. First, tell the truth about what happened. Not the polished version. Not the I'm fine version. The real version. The one your body already knows. Second, honor that impact, not with shame, not with judgment, but with compassion. Because your nervous system was doing the best it could with what it had. And third, choose a different story moving forward. Not by pretending the past didn't happen, but by refusing to let it dictate your future. For me, that looked like slowing down. It looked like asking for help. It looked like get letting go of the myth that I had to be the strong one all the time. It looked like redefining success, not as perfection, but as presence. Not as control, but as connection. It looked like understanding that my children's healing was connected to my own. That my leadership in my home, in my advocacy, in my community would be, would only be as healthy as the parts of me that I was willing to face. And that's why this month's conversation with Nerisha Osborne means so much to me. Because trauma-informed leadership isn't about titles, it's about humanity. It's about learning to lead from a place that honors your scars without letting them run the show. It's about creating spaces in our homes, our workplaces, our communities where people feel safe enough to be whole. As you listen today, I want you to remember something. You're allowed to outgrow the version of yourself that survived. And you're allowed to build a life that feels safe in your own body. You're allowed to rest. You're allowed to heal. You're allowed to be whole. Not someday, not when everything calms down, not when the kids are older, not when the world finally understands you, which may never happen. But now, right now, in this moment, because wholeness isn't a destination, it's a practice, a daily choice, a quiet revolution. And you, my friend, are worthy of that revolution. If today's reflection stirred something in you, if you're still sitting with pieces of what Naresha shared earlier this month, I'd love for you to stay connected. Each month, I send a note, part reflection, part behind the scenes, part roadmap. For a caregiver, anyone who's navigating leadership or simply the work of becoming whole, you can join that community through my newsletter and you'll also receive updates on the journey toward my upcoming book of the same name, Unapologetically Whole. Until next time, I'm Lola Dada Ollie, and this is Unapologetically Whole. If this message resonated with you, I'd love for you to learn more about me at Loladada Ollie.com. That's L-O-L-A-D-A-D-A-O-L-L-E-Y.com. You can sign up for my monthly newsletter where I share behind the scenes reflections, updates on my upcoming book of the same name, unapologetically whole, and I also share ways to connect with me for speaking engagements. And if you haven't already, follow the podcast. Share this episode with someone who you think needs it. And check out my conversation from earlier this month with Lisa Hurley, a woman who embodies self-advocacy and self acceptance in ways that inspire me. Until next time, I'm Lola Dada Ali, and this is Unapologetically Whole.