The Simply Equality podcast

Telling their story - Aym Maidment

February 07, 2021 Sarah Stephenson-Hunter Season 1 Episode 10
The Simply Equality podcast
Telling their story - Aym Maidment
Show Notes Transcript

Join me as I talk with a fellow podcaster, fantasy writer, cat lover and all round fabulous person Aym Madement.  I met Aym through my work at the University of Oxford and thought they would be a perfect person to have on the podcast.  

I talk with them about their experiences of having a range of invisible disabilities, being non-binary and how this has impacted them in everyday life and the world of work.  As you'll hear we discuss a range of issues including spoon theory, experiences of coming out at work and even touch on a subject I'm still learning about...cats!! 

You can get in touch with Aym on twitter via @aymtellsstories and do chekcout their podcasts, "The Campaign Trail" and "Reversing Polarity".
 

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Hi and welcome to another episode of The Simply Equality podcast. The podcast that seeks to foreground the lived experiences of disabled and LGBT people. First off, let me wish you a very happy LGBT history month. I hope that's something you've been able to engage with in whatever capacity you've been able to. I think it's really important that we commemorate and celebrate and discuss the issues that are still faced by LGBT people today, along with all the wonderful achievements that have been accomplished in the past. I have another fantastic interview for you in this episode. But before I get into that, I just want to thank you for sending me the wonderful messages of support since my recent bereavement. It's part of the reason why there haven't been as many episodes, but I am keeping on track. And yeah, thanks for your concern. So without any further ado, I will stop my chitchat. And we'll get on with the interview Welcome to another episode of the Simply Equality podcast. I have with me a fantastic guest. I will let them introduce themselves in a minute, but it's somebody I've met through my work at the University of Oxford. They are a fellow podcaster, which is always a good thing. So Aym, welcome to the podcast.

Aym Maidment:

Thank you. I'm very glad to be here.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Cool. Do you want to just start by just telling us a bit about yourself, in whatever way you want to describe yourself at this stage? And then we'll take it from there.

Aym Maidment:

Sure. So hi, I'm Aym, my pronouns are they them, I am a non binary sapphic person who one day will find a label that covers that concisely, but that day has not yet come. I work in communications in my day job at the Department of Biology despite not being a scientist at all, which is a lot of fun. It's great enthusing about things that you only have base level knowledge about, but it's incredibly cool. I'm also a fantasy writer. I do as I mentioned, a couple of other podcasts. I spend a lot of time just staring at my cats. So. That's my life.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

How many cats do you have?

Aym Maidment:

We have two cats. We have Jodie Whitticat and Peter Cataldi. I love them.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Oh, my gosh, and go on what what are your podcasts? I'll put a link in the show notes. But what are your podcasts,

Aym Maidment:

I'm on two podcasts regularly. One is the Campaign Trail, which is a Dungeons and Dragons political parody, where the goal is to win the votes. Our first campaign was winning an election and now we're trying to win a referendum. It's actually a really joyful way to engage with politics when things are a bit bleak here. So it's been a really fun project, lots of puns. And the other one is called Reversing Polarity and it is going back through classic Doctor Who with a queer media theory lens.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

So obviously, this podcast is here to foreground the lived experiences of people who are both LGBT and disabled. You've touched a little bit on your sort of LGBT identity, which we'll get into more in a bit. But in terms of disability, how would you describe your experiences of that?

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, I think mostly I fall into the invisible disabilities category with chronic pain, chronic fatigue, I could just list my diagnosis but I'd be quite a boring, listening experience. But that that Endometriosis and Fibromyalgia are my two big ones in terms of getting in the way of my functioning. And then just to top it off with a cherry, the big pile of major depression on top, so

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Okay,

Aym Maidment:

so can I carry things through

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

quite a complex combination,

Aym Maidment:

which I think there's very rarely a simple case when it comes to disability. It's very, very rarely just one thing?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Absolutely. I think we both know that from ourselves and our professional work, that usually disabilities have have a combination of impacts.

Aym Maidment:

They're just really social. They have lots of friends, and they want to do as much as they can, which is the opposite of what I want from them.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

And so on a day to day basis, how does this all impact on you?

Aym Maidment:

It's mainly spoon and energy management, how much I can take on, engaging with reading stuff, which as somebody who loves reading, very tricky to get that brain fog. Limited mobility, which I've got a lot better at but has been quite tricky in terms of knowing how far I can walk without needing to call someone to get a lift, because I can't go any further. So those little, much smaller ways that are quite pervasive. And I imagine that are probably barriers I don't even think of as barriers because I just don't engage with them anymore. And it's just that is the thing that that's the path. I can't walk down because of all the disability stuff I carry with me. Yeah, like to somebody else that could be a really difficult thing to

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah

Aym Maidment:

not have as possibility.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

So you mentioned spoon management. Now For the uninitiated, we're not talking about you reorganising your cutlery draw are we?

Aym Maidment:

I do need to do that that's on the list. Not today.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Could you just touch a little bit about Spoon Theory? And what what what that is?

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, so spoon theory is effectively the idea that there's only so much you can do in a given day, with the amount of spoons, so that came out from someone who was having a dinner with a friend at a restaurant, and was trying to explain what it was like to have fatigue and a lack of energy, and sort of grabbed all the spoons on the table and started asking the other person to list what they did every day. And then, well I would get up and have a shower, cool, that's one spoon, I'd make my breakfast. That's another spin. I drive to work, that's another spoon Oh, no, all your spoons are gone, you have run out of energy. So it's very much about looking at what you need to do even the mundane things that take effort. And knowing that you sort of need to treat it like a bank account, and you can go into spoon deficit if you have to do too much in one day, but you will pay for it the next day.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

So really, you wake up in the morning, and you think, okay, I've got 10 spoons. I've got things I know I need to do today. Literally do you do you find yourself sort of planning the day when you wake up? Do you have to be quite organised? Generally.

Aym Maidment:

I tend to try and plan like, the day before, because if I wake up not quite sure what my day is shaped like, I really struggled to get started. I don't know if that's just a general neurodiverse thing or how I interact with the world but I do need to plan, this is the block of time where I will do that. And this is the block of time where I will do that. And if I do that, that I will need this much time to recover afterwards for doing something else. And it's actually been a lot easier to handle with the pandemic and being remote because I'm not having to worry about travelling from one place to another to another. Or Oh, no, I got back late last night, therefore, I will feel rough for three days. It's all lot simpler that way?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah. I mean, it's it's, I guess it's for those people listening who who who are new to the world of disability, it just all shows that it is just that complex dynamic, isn't it? That everything you do as a disabled person is a choice? Whether that's an active choice, or a choice you're forced into?

Aym Maidment:

Yeah.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

It's a choice and it has consequences.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, absolutely. And the things that were the disability not there wouldn't even be thought of become quite big hurdles to overcome some days, which is exhausting. It's the exhaustion that I think is the biggest toll.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

And again, exhaustion. People often think they know about exhaustion. But I'm guessing you're you have levels of exhaustion.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, so I go from my base level of exhaustion. So there's that that meme that goes around Twitter every now and then, which is someone saying how much pain you're in over normal level, the normal level is non, which is something I cannot relate to. If the normal level of exhaustion is non that I am never the normal level of exhaustion. But it's going from that baseline of tired to I'm not going to be able to get off the sofa today. And yeah, it's a constant

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Does that get quite frustrating at times?

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, especially in the before times when it was cancelling plans, because I couldn't do it or over committing and then be like, actually, I can't do that. Feelings of being left out because of that.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah.

Aym Maidment:

Knowing that having to get up and travel through Oxford to get to work, and then travel home in the evening. And then having nothing left of me to give to my hobbies, or my friends. It's yeah. And the fact that that knowledge of what is left is in of itself draining. Rather than being able to recuperate, it's just further lessening.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah, and that combination of the sort of physical impact and the mental health impact, I'm guessing that's just a how would we describe that double whammy?

Aym Maidment:

Impossible to separate? Yeah, it's like the snake eating its own tail.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So in terms of how this all panned out how this first impacted you. Did it affect you at school? Did it affect you growing up?

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, I think it's impacted me differently throughout life. So my pain was definitely quite severe when I was at school, as was my depression, and it wasn't very well handled. And I think there's quite a lot of people who were quite depressed as a teenager, and it just wasn't dealt with, which has long lasting repercussions. But my main priorities, then was getting out of the slightly washed up industrial city that I was born in and going somewhere else. And that was enough of a call to see me through.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Okay.

Aym Maidment:

It's been harder through my 20s, as I've had periods where I've been ill, I've not been able to leave the house or ill I'm not able to work. And so it's been much more of an immediate impact during those those times.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

And what about the world of work, tell people how is it being somebody with the range of impairments you have navigating the world of work?

Aym Maidment:

It really depends on if your boss is willing to put the energy into understanding you. My current manager has really gone above and beyond what I would expect anybody to do. We have like a one to 10 scale of what Aym can do on any given day. So I can assess and be like I'm at a seven today. So I need to just sit and do this very repetitive task, or I am at a 2 today, I can take the worl on. I'm very rarely at a 2. And she has, we've got a little glossary of all the terms I use to describe my pain and my flare ups. So when I say this is happening, she just knows it. And I don't need to go into that translating it again. And she's gone in her own time to do some research about what I experience and what it must be like, which I did not expect. And now it's been really helpful. Unfortunately, she's definitely the anomaly. In my professional experience,

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Really, you surprise me.

Aym Maidment:

I thought that might be a bit of a shock. She's great. But I've had previous previous bosses, one of whom I was trying to explain chronic fatigue to. And her response was, oh, just wait until you have kids, then you'll know what tiredness really means. Knowing that one of my illnesses is a reproductive disorder.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yes. Yeah, indeed.

Aym Maidment:

Wow. How tactless can you be?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Well, just on a whole range of levels.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, levels of awful there, which, that was one of the jobs that I did get to a burnout/ breakdown stage. And I was not able to engage with that. Left me housebound for several months and completely knocked me back. The other was when I was working retail. And I think retail is a tricky one, because it's tough as it is, it's underpaid for skilled labour. It's a, lot expected for you for less than a living wage. But I had a manager who wanted to see my entire medical history is because I'd taken six days off over six months. I'm pretty sure that's illegal. I didn't give her my entire medical history. Oh,

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Uh, Yeah. no, she did manage to harass me out of the job, which was frustrating. And again, that was my first really severe bedbound level of pain at the end of that because of the stress. And the rest is just been a bit of a mixed bag from, Yeah,

Aym Maidment:

Casual just not getting it to, the little microaggressions and then being surprised why can't engage with X, Y or Z.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah, cuz I think as you've said most of your impairments are classed as invisible.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

So to look at you, I'm guessing you look reasonably well. I hate the phrase 'you look able bodied' all of those sorts of phrases.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, I use a walking stick from time to time as my body needs it. But that's the only giveaway that I have disabilities if you just look at me on the street. But I guess does it's got it's I hate to say benefits. But that's more of an indicator of how poorly our society treats people who are obviously disabled.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah.

Aym Maidment:

Which is its own problem and needs to be dealt with. But it also comes with people not believing you or people thinking oh, you are cheerful. You are X, Y, Z, therefore it can't be that bad and I'm like, okay, this is how I cope. I cope with my humour. But then another manager story which is much less insidious than the others, is I told my managers about my depression. And he just looked completely shocked. He's like, but you're so happy, I would never have guessed.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

I mean that and that in and of itself as a invisible disability is quite a minefield quite a challenge. Do you feel attitudes have changed are changing towards those with invisible disabilities?

Aym Maidment:

I like to think so. I don't know if that's just because I'm surrounding myself with more and more like minded people who get it. So it feels like things are changing. I think there's definitely more understanding from the HR side of things. And with the Equality Act, for a really long time I wouldn't classify myself as disabled,

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Okay.

Aym Maidment:

Because I'm very able bodied. And then I was sitting with my gynaecologist and just saying, I can't do this, I can't do that. I can't do that. And she's written me a letter basically saying, yes, under the equalities, act, you are disabled. You need these allowances in order to function.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah. Yeah. Which is another thing in and of itself, isn't it? Why should we have to label ourselves we label ourselves? So we're covered by legislation?

Aym Maidment:

And to find community for support

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah. So the other aspect of this podcast is obviously, people's experiences of being LGBT? Yes, you've already in your introduction, indicated that you are non binary. I'm making an assumption that's been a bit of a journey for you.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, as it is for everybody.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Indeed. What what was, what was your journey, like?

Aym Maidment:

My journey is these things never have a start date, because they've pretty much always, it's not an A to B type thing. I was about 19 and I found an article about non binary identities online somehow. And I read the definition of agender and that that genderless experience, and it felt like somebody was describing me in words that I would never have thought to give myself. And it was like a lot of things that hadn't quite made sense to me from growing up just was suddenly bought into a focus. And I was like, that's why I had X, Y, Z reaction, or that's why this felt wrong to me. I tend to rather than going by agender and just go by non binary as an umbrella, because it's, it's easier. And if labels are functional. For me, it's more functional just to be something that has a slightly more understood meaning rather than than precisely gets to the heart of how my gender feels are at any given point in time, because it's so nebulous and changing. So I came out to my close friends, when I was about 19. And have done various versions of coming out to various people. Resulting in coming out at work a few years ago, and changing my name legally, which is the most empowering thing I have ever done. For myself. I'm very glad I have

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Good.

Aym Maidment:

And yeah, very supported in my current workplace, not very supportive with family things. But that's how these things often pan out. And I found people to put around me to be a family in place of that. As we often do,

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Absolutely. I mean, you mentioned that you came across this, this this term, this identity when you were 19. Would you class yourself as being part of the LGBT community before that point?

Aym Maidment:

I don't think I would have.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Okay.

Aym Maidment:

Partly because I grew up in quite a homophobic household. And I remember being about 13, and having a thought that I was a lesbian, and then having this visceral gut reaction of but that's bad. And then sort of spending about a decade or so running from that before coming back and being like, wait, maybe I was right. But I think I was until then sort of that stage of I can't do that, because that's bad until I have to confront it with gender before sexuality, which I don't know if that's a typical journey.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

I don't know.

Aym Maidment:

But is there a typical journey?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Is there a typical journey? Isn't that interesting, though, how most LGBT people just instinctively know that what they feel or how they think they might be will be seen as wrong or negative or shameful?

Aym Maidment:

Yeah.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

What does that say about the world we live in ay?

Aym Maidment:

It's upsetting that is still happening to kids these days, and it's upsetting that it's gonna continue to happen until we have some major changes.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah, yeah.

Aym Maidment:

I don't know if you watched It's A Sin on telly last night.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

I was just thinking of that Aym thank

Aym Maidment:

I've seen the first episode, and I haven't you for that.I have not seen it yet. But for those listeners that aren't aware, it's a five episode TV series by Russell T. Davis. Talking about the the AIDS situation it's the wrong phrase the AIDS crisis in the 80s. Yeah, stopped thinking about it since I've seen it. My housemates said shall we binge the rest. I said, I think I will break if we watched it in one go.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Aym Maidment:

As somebody who, I was born in the 90s, so I didn't live through the AIDS crisis. It's something I've, I've read a lot about more recently, but I didn't live through it. So I will never know what it was like. It was shocking. Just how many of the emotional beats still hit really close to home? And how much of that rhetoric still persists.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yep. Absolutely. And I think for those of us like you and I, who, you know, don't identify or have have, not issues, have, you know, have a different gender to what we were perceived to be at birth, etc, that that whole experience, I think, is still being worked out and navigated and discussed often quitetoxic ways.

Aym Maidment:

It's vilified by certain portions of the media in particular, in ways that are very concerning.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Completely. So obviously, so 19, you said you came out? And how how was that?

Aym Maidment:

Small at first, I remember coming out to the guy I was then dating, and it didn't really seem to have a massive impact. I then came out to a couple of my other friends who are also non binary and we sort of form quite a tight community and supported each other. And for several years, it was just little bits here and there slowly thinking, can I come out in this place? Is it safe? Do I start introducing myself my pronouns? Do I indicate I'm non binary openly? Where is it safe to do that? Where is it not? And a couple of years ago, I was at a sort of one of the university society meetings with some friends. And someone who's now a very close friend of mine was the first night I met him, somebody misgendered me and he immediately just corrected my pronouns and moved on. And that I thought was such an afirming validating moment. And that was like, Oh, that's, that's good. This is how I would like things to always be and since then, I've just been a little bit more assertive.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yep.Yep. But again, that's, that's exhausting, isn't it?

Aym Maidment:

Yeah. Especially when people consistently just just get it wrong.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Mm hmm and when you're having to make those decisions, sometimes sort of in the moment about what do you say? What do you not say? What do you challenge? What do you let go?

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, it's like constant risk analysis.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah. Yeah. And again, I think there's probably people listening to this, who just do not realise that that in itself is exhausting.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

You can never feel like you can quite switch off.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

I don't know about you. I think the worst times for me have been when I have sort of, dropped the guard and felt safe, because generally, I generally I am fortunate that don't get a lot of grief and hassle, but then something will happen or somebody will miss gender. And it is just like that massive punch in the stomach.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah. It's often when I thought, Oh, I thought I was safe here, huh. I never thought I get this from that person.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Mm hm.

Aym Maidment:

Or people who I know are well intentioned but haven't bothered doing the reading or education themselves.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yep.

Aym Maidment:

And then make an absolutely gut wrenching slip up.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Absolutely. Absolutely. So you've mentioned your experiences in work as a disabled person. What about in the world of work as a non binary person?

Aym Maidment:

I think justice mixed. Really, unsurprisingly, not everywhere has been great.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

No.

Aym Maidment:

I've only been out at two jobs. My current job has been one of the most supportive environments I could have thought of, with my boss again, doing a lot of reading about it, doing what needs to be done. I have had a couple of incidences of microaggression and misgendering. And they have been dealt with appropriately.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Good.

Aym Maidment:

Which still feels a little bit surprising, but I'm glad they have I'm glad that sort of set a precedent going forward. I've had a previous job where it was less well taken. But I was constantly misgendered to the stage where it just wore me down, and it gets to a stage where you can correct somebody for six months. And they'll say, Oh, I'm so sorry. It's just so hard for me. Like, it's been six months of you telling me you're gonna do better and not doing better. Imagine how things are from my.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

And it's hard for you. Yeah. What about me? I have to live this 24 seven.

Aym Maidment:

Like, cool. This is great. I'm glad you're feelings are.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah. Gosh.

Aym Maidment:

And that was, that was a job where I put my pronouns in my email signature, unprompted and was told in a our open plan office by my then manager that our boss had asked me to remove them, because they were happy to respect it within the office, but they didn't want it for the outward facing clients.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Really?

Aym Maidment:

Yeah.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

I will not ask you who that was.

Aym Maidment:

Inappropriate, unacceptable. That's the moment I really switched off from that role.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah.

Aym Maidment:

That combined with several other factors, didn't stay there long after that.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah.

Aym Maidment:

I don't know why?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

No. Absolutely. So here you are 2021. You've been in your current role for a little while now you're feeling, You know, like things have gone reasonably well? Is there anything you would say to people who were listening about, you know how to any, any tips or advice or guidance?

Aym Maidment:

I mean, the first bit is to anybody who is sitting in that queer and disabled spectrum and is wondering whether or not to speak up, is it's often worth telling people what you need or what you feel, and you will have a community behind you to back you up. It's also important to know who our allies are, and let them know how to ally so I just mentioned about my manager in the open plan, as soon as that happened, one of my colleagues messaged me being like, fucking hell. That's unacceptable. Yeah. Can't believe she just did that. And I was like, hey, at least somebody is,

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah,

Aym Maidment:

Is in my corner. So to those who don't fall into those spectrums on here, microaggressions. Let people know you support them. And if you're comfortable, and able, call out the person who made that mistake.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah,

Aym Maidment:

I think 9 times out of 10. Most situations like that come from a lack of education. Yep. Or a lack of having been exposed to various situations. And if somebody doesn't know they're doing something wrong, then how can we expect them to do better without gently pointing them out and steering them towards resources where they can just broaden their universes a little bit?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Absolutely. I mean, how important would you say allies are?

Aym Maidment:

I think they are incredibly important mainly for situations like that knowing that somebody has has my back has made a difference so many different times. It's important that allies don't speak over the experiences of queer people or disabled people or any other minority.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Absolutely

Aym Maidment:

But to know that there are people behind you, who will also help you hold others accountable is very important, especially in situations where it's obvious that queer voices in particular are overshadowed or thought of as less to have somebody who can say actually no, when you're being talked over, can make a lot of difference. And it means that next time, maybe we won't need them to talk for us. We'll have more clout.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Absolutely. So So obviously, the main focus of this podcast is that wonderful buzzword intersectionality. How do you feel, from your experience that your identities of being LGBT being disabled? How do you feel they intersect for you?

Aym Maidment:

I think because I can't imagine not being either. I can't imagine them not intersecting inmy experiences. I also think that as my understanding of my queer identity has grown, my understanding of how to approach disability has widened and vice versa, finding different ways to to view things. There's a really great book called Life Isn't Binary by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker which I will recommend to everybody because it's very much about taking that idea of non binary ness and applying it to, to health for example, or to class or to work and looking at things in ways that aren't this or that. And that has been such a useful framework for coming to terms with worsening disability and changing conditions, as well as coming to terms with different aspects of my own queerness. And how they sit within me if that makes sense.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

It does. It does. And what about your experiences of sort of you intersecting those specific communities? I mean, have you had positive and negative responses in both spheres?

Aym Maidment:

I think I'm quite lucky in that I've had mostly positive experiences from communities. But that might just be because I happen to gravitate towards people who I think are like minded, and are most likely to have positive responses anyway. A lot of my friends also happen to sit across the queer disabled intersection, as is. So we have we have a lot to talk about all the time.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

I'm sure.

Aym Maidment:

But it has made a world of difference having trans friends who are also disabled. And there's a group of us who are all non binary and we, back when it was viable, we used to go on someone's house and eat pancakes, pancakes, eat pancakes, eat pancakes and talk about anything other than gender. But because we weren't having to do it through that translating for somebody, external flex, is so much more relaxed. So

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah, I think that's an incredible strength in that isn't there.

Aym Maidment:

It's necessary.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

It's totally necessary. I mean, from your experience, do you think there are still things that the LGBT and disability communities can learn from each other?

Aym Maidment:

I think there always will be. It's that stronger together sort of sort of metaphor that goes throughout. If any community feels like it's done learning, then it probably has even further to go than it did before. And it's always helpful to look at the experiences of other minorities, and think how we can hold each other up and supporteach other. Basically, unionise, I think, is what I'm saying.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Okay, yeah, well, yeah.

Aym Maidment:

Join a union kids.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

You just just join one, just pick one, join it do it now.

Aym Maidment:

But it also does make sense, especially in certain aspects of the LGBTQ community, which haven't evolved as rapidly as others, to look at how other communities are managing change and dealing with situations.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

I mean, what what would you say, is still one of the biggest issues for both or either communities.

Aym Maidment:

I mean, for the LGBTQ+ community, it's going to be dealing with the anti trans narrative, that is the most harmful thing happening to our community. Because I imagine a lot of the, it's been speculated that a lot of the people pushing this anti trans rhetoric will then turn against the entire community. But it shouldn't take that to stop them.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah.

Aym Maidment:

So a lot more needs to be done, especially from the more privileged.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yep, yep.

Aym Maidment:

Members of the community just to talk up for us. And, yeah, if you have a platform, then use it to lift us up. Rather than saying maybe JK Rowling isn't all that bad, actually.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

No, we Yeah. We won't comment on who might have said that.

Aym Maidment:

No need to go further into that one. No, absolutely. Absolutely. So the disability community. I feel like that is often a more progressive space to inhabit, then queer communities a lot of time, mostly out of a necessary adaption. And the sort of need for interdependency, which isn't there in the same way in the LGBTQ communities?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah.

Aym Maidment:

I think examining a lot of our own ableism and how we turn it on its head, and how we can call it out when we hear it casually is going to be a big thing. That's my prediction.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Well, that's that's a good prediction.

Aym Maidment:

Because there's so much that I know within me that I keep calling myself out on where I would never say things my disabled friends basically about myself that ableism we turn on ourselves and expectations we have about ourselves.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yep.

Aym Maidment:

It's really difficult to absolutely to shift.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

And you've touched on that a little bit. But obviously this this horrible pandemic. Obviously, there's been quite a bit of discussion about how it's affected different equality groups. Do you have any comments or observations on that?

Aym Maidment:

I have many comments and observations? I can be brief.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Perhaps let's keep it brief.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, I think at the start of the pandemic, there was a lot of, anger how quickly people were able to switch to a digital world and provide accommodations that had been previously impossible for disabled people to reach. And I think it's going to be really important to not try and go back to things exactly, as they were, because that was breaking a lot of people. And the world has become differently accessible. And when I'm doing accessibility stuff at work, one of the things I keep coming back to is accessors choice, give people more options, and they will have more of a chance to be able to find a way to do it that suits them. And I'm very worried that whilst a lot of working remotely really suits me, whilst I'm missing all the social interaction. I'm saving so much energy and I'm so much more calm in my way of dealing with things. And as I've said, previously, my employer is currently really good. And I'm confident they'll be keen to go down for Flexi working back when we can do it. Yeah, I think a lot of companies are not going to be as generous and are going to go back to the bums and seats mentality.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah. Which is just so short sighted and yeah, just Why? Why?

Aym Maidment:

I have no idea.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

No.

Aym Maidment:

Can't understand why you would insist of people being there at certain hours?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yep.

Aym Maidment:

If that's not how they work? Why would you not want to give everybody the best chance for success.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Absolutely. And we both get that there might be some roles where there are certain things that do need to be done in certain ways.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

But I think, as we've all found out over the past, my gosh, nearly a year now. We can be a lot more creative and productive

Aym Maidment:

and a lot more compassionate as well. There are a lot of ways that people as individuals can react with compassion. Where, organisations seem to struggle to replicate it.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah. Yeah.

Aym Maidment:

And yet they have done throughout the pandemic. So if they can keep that out if they can keep on caring for the people who work for them.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, let's hope so. Aym.

Aym Maidment:

Let's hope so. I'm more than happy to make some noise about it until it happens.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Well, that's that's bang our drums together. So obviously, you've mentioned that, you know, you have issues with fatigue and exhaustion. How do you practice self care? What is that for you?

Aym Maidment:

It is being incredibly mindful is such a buzz word, but mindful of where I'm at, and having learned how to listen to the little twinges my body does telling me I need to rest before I hit that wall. So a lot of it actually comes with living with a couple of friends who I really get on with, and I trust and being able to say, these are things that are beyond my capacity, but I can pick up that instead. So a lot of ways I self care are saying no. Which is a very hard one to get in the habit of.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Very hard.

Aym Maidment:

Especially when you feel obligations, but learning how to say no to things. And doing things that make me feel like it's worth getting out of bed, especially when I'm exhausted. And even if that's just getting to the sofa and playing video games. It Yep, very tricky. One of the things I've really struggled with lately is my self care often involves looking forward to seeing my friends.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yeah.

Aym Maidment:

Obviously hasn't been an option lately, and I'm sort of floundering a bit in that void but usually part my self care is knowing I have people around me I can just spend time with. And just sit in a room quietly with.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yep.

Aym Maidment:

And have that connection.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Yep. And your cats.

Aym Maidment:

My cats are, Jodie just popped in I don't know if you heard her bell?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

I thought I had something that I wasn't sure.

Aym Maidment:

Yes. She's probably asking for treats. Well, cats are so good.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Absolutely. Well, yes. So we've got we've got a cat during lockdown. Yes, we got him in September. But he's well,

Aym Maidment:

What's he called?

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

He's he he was he was called Felix but we've renamed him Phoenix.

Aym Maidment:

Yes brilliant brilliant choice there. I like that.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Why is that Aym? Do tell?

Aym Maidment:

I use that as my own middle name I can now say I was inspired by your cat.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

What can people listening want to find out more about you and stuff you do? How can they find you on the socials as they say?

Aym Maidment:

Best place to find me is on Twitter where I'm@aymtellsstories that's aym tells stories. And I'd be more than happy to ramble at length about anything I've mentioned today.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

And go and check out your podcasts.

Aym Maidment:

Yeah, talk us a great we've got the campaign cast Campaign Trail podcast and Reversing Polarity on all good podcast,

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Podcast providers. There are many, many, absolutely. Well Aym it's been an absolute pleasure.

Aym Maidment:

It's been a delight. Thank you so much for giving us space to talk.

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Thank you for using some of your spoons for this, this this interview.

Aym Maidment:

It's worthwhile. Definitely worth spending the one

Sarah Stephenson-Hunter:

Brilliant. Thank you.