Strategies for Making Your Resolutions Stick

Ever find yourself making a New Year's resolution only to abandon it by February? We've all been there, but this episode promises to change that pattern. Join me, Amber D, as I sit down with the insightful Sara, a mental health counselor hailing from the sunny state of Florida, to delve into the art of setting resolutions that stick. We're not just talking about making promises to ourselves; we're crafting a roadmap for genuine, lasting transformation. As we unwrap the complexities of healing, particularly in the wake of trauma, Sarah offers a comforting perspective on personal growth, emphasizing that healing isn't a straight line but a journey with twists and turns.

Now, let's tackle those pesky hurdles that seem to crop up whenever we chase our goals. Listen closely as Sarah enlightens us on turning stumbling blocks into stepping stones, highlighting the need for adaptability and the power of intention in surmounting challenges. We'll explore practical steps to keep you on track, from syncing your workout routine with your daily schedule to consulting nutritionists for health goals. Moreover, Sarah introduces us to Sound Mind Wellness, her sanctuary for empowering women and fostering professional growth. Whether you're seeking motivation or a deeper understanding of the emotional landscape, this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom that will leave you inspired and ready to take on your resolutions with newfound vigor.

Visit: https://solaray.com/BLACKFEMALETHERAPISTS for 15% off your entire order

Transcript

Amber: 0:00

Welcome to On the Couch, the podcast where we keep it honest, keep it fun and keep it all about our growth and mental health and wellness. I'm your fabulous host, amber D, and get ready to spill the tea as we dive into all things mind, mood and motivation. Grab your snacks, your favorite fuzzy socks, and let's be comfy, because we're about to dish some serious wisdom with a side of sass, From navigating the chaos of adulting to decoding the drama of our inner thoughts. We're here to laugh, cry and maybe even roll our eyes a little because, let's be honest, life can be a hot mess sometimes. Join us for some unfiltered conversations, plenty of laughs and maybe even a few aha moments along the way.

Amber: 0:40

On the couch is where girlfriend chats become therapeutic and we're all about keeping it real and keeping it fabulous. Let's dive in. Thank you so much, sarah, for joining us. We are so excited to have you and to continue on with our series of On the Couch. Right, because we thought it was a great name, because kind of that's when you the older way you used to think of therapy, like sitting on someone's couch or laying on someone's couch and talking. So we thought that it was a really good name, um, to name our podcast, but here, no, there. Let people know who you are, what you do, how they can find you thank you so much for having me.

Sara: 1:17

When I saw like the invitation, I was like really excited, um, because that's one thing this year that I said I wanted to be able to do more. So I am Sarah and I am in the Florida area, I practice in Florida and I'm also licensed in the state of Georgia and I have been a licensed mental health counselor for over a decade now in private. Yeah, I'm going to look at it. I'm oh no, how old am I? And then, and then I'm like, oh okay, the math is mapping, it just hasn't connected.

Sara: 1:50

So, um, and in different capacities, different roles, but my most rewarding role, I would say, is being in private practice, because of the autonomy and being able to work without being stuck in a box with the clients that I do work with. And I work with women and I help them, like, navigate the complexities of trauma, anxiety and also the pressures of the workplace. So I would say, at the core of my work is my passion for the well-being and mental health of women, especially Black women, and mothers in professional spaces, as the founder of Sound Mind Wellness. My private practice, my approach, I would say, is rooted in empowerment, and when I say empowerment I mean true empowerment.

Amber: 2:53

That word I feel like it's so cliche right.

Sara: 3:03

You hear these, like I want to be able to, for you to leave feeling empowered to do the things that you never thought you could do or you've always wanted to do, and being empowered to be able to face the challenges in life. And also, I'm a true advocate of creating spaces and being able to understand the need for healing and growth for not just all women but, you know, dear to my heart, my black women.

Amber: 3:37

Yeah, I think that's awesome. I mean, I feel like we hear that a lot at BFT, and not only. I do think that it is really like a buzzword right now, talking about healing and trauma right, you hear those words, you hear narcissistic all the time. Those are words you hear all the time but truly like identifying what trauma looks like and how does healing look for you Because it's on, that is different for everyone and to understand that the road isn't linear, right, it ebbs and flows, you know. So I think that's really really good and it's something that we really really need more of. And it kind of rolls into the question that we have.

Amber: 4:15

We're talking about new year's resolution. You know, people start out the new year like I'm going to do this different, I'm going to do that different, I'm going to, I'm gonna do this different, I'm gonna do that different. I'm gonna, I'm gonna address this trauma, I'm gonna get a therapist, I'm gonna, um, just do all the things right, and then it might not happen or we fall off. But let's start with that, like what is what is true? What is considered a new year's resolution? Like what is a resolution?

Sara: 4:41

when you think about the definition of resolution, it's really a promise or a commitment you make to yourself of saying that you are going to foster positive change or do something new as you enter the new year.

Amber: 4:55

Yeah. So then if you make this promise to yourself, right, which is why these gyms are all like yeah, yeah, come, come, come. Yeah, you want to lose this weight, come on in here and we know you're going to keep your money because you're not going to come we have that with these new year's resolutions, like is that something that we should have? Like what a resolution? Should you have a resolution whether it's a new year or not? Like, let's just not even tie it around the new year. Let's say, is it something that you should have for yourself? Or, um, anytime you're trying to reach a goal, should you have, like a resolution?

Sara: 5:33

I think it is important to have resolutions, whether you call it a resolution or you say it's a goal, because some people are really tied in the nuance of the words and you know they say, you know, I'm not gonna.

Sara: 5:45

I don't have words and you know they say you know I'm not going to, I don't have any resolutions, but you know I have these goals that I want to set. So it's healthy to set goals, but what's important is for us to evaluate the current one. So you're setting these new goals, what about the ones that you already set? Have you completed them? Or you know always say what about the ones that you already said? Have you completed them? Or you know always say forget about this. You know you got to really assess your current situation and see okay, I have these new resolutions, but what about the old ones? Have they already been accomplished? So I think it's really important to do that already been accomplished.

Amber: 6:25

So I think it's really important to do that. So if you're doing that and you're kind of going back to looking at the old goals and new goals, should I not set new goals until I reach the old goals that I have for myself?

Sara: 6:37

Not necessarily Because, as you are assessing whether or not you have completed those goals, you may want to say forget about them altogether and just they're no longer something that align with what's currently going on in your life and you might say, ok, you know what these new goals actually are, what I need to be able to get where I want to get now in this season of my life, because we have different seasons and as we grow, we evolve to different mindsets, different things, different ideas, different perspectives, because we learn things every day.

Sara: 7:16

We learn things about ourselves. So, especially if you're in your healing journey, you're learning new things. So those goals might have been for last season, but this season they no longer apply and that's okay. So, if you have to say, forget about those goals and set new ones, but you have to be intentional when you're doing that, not just said it, just because, okay, you know what I said, I was going to do this, but it didn't happen. Okay, so now I'm going to try something else. Okay, why are you trying something else? Did you try to see why those other goals did not work or you did not accomplish them? Did you try to find out? Were there any barriers? Because if you don't do that, then how are you going to be able to accomplish the new ones? Because you're entering it with the same mindset that you had.

Amber: 8:08

That's really true, and that was going to be one of my next questions is why is it so difficult for us to keep set new goals and keep them? And I love that you just said you're kind of going in with the same mindset and if you want some different results, you have to do something different.

Sara: 8:29

Yes, yes, yes. So I believe, like sticking to a resolution, it really requires a clear and concrete plan. You have to have a clear understanding what those goals are. Don't just set them because you know everyone in your circle are setting those goals or because somebody said you should do it. Do you even want to do it? Is that something that you really want to do? Is that something that you have the bandwidth or the capacity to do at? Is that something that you really want to do? Is that something that you have the bandwidth or the capacity to do at this time? So you really got to have a clear understanding on why you want, you know, to accomplish those goals, why you want to set them and also have an action plan, because if you don't have those things, not saying that it will not happen because, hey, you may be able to accomplish them, but it's going to make it even more difficult for you.

Amber: 9:21

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Amber: 9:52

Now let's get back to our episode. Right, it made me think about this. Like, if it's something that you really want, and talking to about myself, and even with family or friends or some clients that I've had, like I really want to lose 10 pounds. Like I really do, but I seem to not. Or I always find a way to not intentionally, but kind of set myself back because really shouldn't have had that extra donut, or, uh, I don't have a plan, or I thought I had a plan, right, um, I thought I was going to get up early and take those extra 30 minutes to work out, but I'm staying up late working and, man, it's really hard for me to wake up early to get those extra 30 minutes. Like what, if it's something that you want or that you truly think that you want, or you do want, but you can't fall off the bandwagon. What is that about? Is that so? Does that mean it's something that I'm not truly intentional about, or is it something that I think that I want, but maybe I'm not ready for it?

Sara: 11:04

it could be that too, because sometimes, like we have certain goals, even like working sometimes with clients, where they have certain goals and I, we go back and like they're frustrated with themselves and I'm frustrated with myself because I'm like, okay, maybe.

Sara: 11:17

I'm not doing my job, you know. And then we go back and we look at it. You're looking, what were the barriers that cause you to not be able to see these things through? And not only that okay, did you try, should we try a different approach? So if you maybe this, this, you can't. Maybe you don't have time to work out in the morning right now, maybe in the evening, and also look into whether there's some underlying factors that you may not know that may be affecting your health, that even though you're trying to lose weight, but no matter how hard you try, you can't.

Sara: 11:57

So I also advise people to go see a physician and like do your blood work and see if there's any you know deficiencies or any health issues that may be causing you to not lose weight. Maybe it's a thyroid issue, maybe it's, you know, whatever it may be, because when you try to rule out everything, then you can say, okay, oh, I was trying to lose weight and I see it's not happening. Then I'm getting frustrated, but now I understand why. So then now, not only do you have, if you do have a therapist, you have a therapist in your corner, you know, to help you. Now you have your physician in your corner to help you and that physician you can ask them. Hey, can you refer me to a nutritionist that can help me, you know, join my team.

Sara: 12:48

So now you can start bringing people on your team to help you. Finally, you know, be able to break those barriers. So I would say, don't give up on those resolutions. We got to find out first. Why are we not able to accomplish them? What are the barriers?

Amber: 13:09

This is really good. I'm thinking about, like, if you said, like, let's I? I decided I do want to lose 10 pounds, right, and I'm gonna get up an extra 30 minutes early, whatever. Right, here we are already in january, past january, and I've already hasn't, have not hit that goal, not even one day out of the whole month. So I'm like, forget it, I don't even want to do that anymore. Like, what do I do now? If I didn't I set something for myself, I couldn't reach that goal. Clearly, I couldn't show up for myself, or whatever. I may be telling myself what do I do now?

Sara: 13:51

Because that's the goal that you had. If that's what you really want to do, do not give up on that, because you don't have to be perfect. It's perfectly normal to not be perfect. So if it didn't happen, you know, in January, we still have February. So we're looking at okay, it has to be the specific day, it has to be the specific timeline, because they say it's a new year resolution, If I, you know, let it go into, like after the first quarter, that's it. Oh, forget it. No, you got to look at it differently. So always tell yourself like, every day that I wake up, this is a new day for me to start over, for me to work on the things that I need to work on, for me to keep working on the things that I need to work on, for me to keep working on the things that I need to work on. And if I made a mistake yesterday, you know what I'm gonna work on that mistake.

Amber: 14:45

So is that something that you should bring to your therapist, if you have one?

Sara: 14:52

um the challenge that you had with that absolutely, absolutely, especially if it's a therapist that you had with that Absolutely, absolutely, especially if it's a therapist that you really align with and you really feel comfortable with and they've been helping you with other things.

Sara: 15:08

And that's the thing that some people like, who are not in the field, like we know, not everybody understands, we don't understand everybody's profession and what they can do, um, but yeah, you can definitely, you know, have include your therapist in your corner because they can help you identify those barriers that we were talking about that may be holding you back, and they can help you create um, not only like a treatment, but include a wellness plan in there that includes your goal, because you want to look at your life in a holistic way, because it's not just okay, I have just these goals, but okay, what other systems are you connected to that may be affecting these goals?

Sara: 16:00

That's why I said it. Really, it also may include your doctor, um, your physician, your nutritionist, your you know your fitness person, whoever it is that you know, um, um, that may be part of um your circle to be able to help you. But, yeah, most definitely, bring it to your therapist and say, listen, I have been trying to accomplish these things and it's not happening. I'm frustrated with myself, like I no longer want to continue being this way. I want to finally be able to see progress and be, you know, be satisfied with myself and see that I can do it. Okay, let's, I want to find out why, and then that's when you can come up with a plan.

Amber: 16:37

Let's see, let's try to identify the underlying root to it all you want to find a root If I don't have a therapist, right, cause there's some people out there that can't afford it or just not ready to have a therapist yet. But I do want to work on myself. What are ready to have a therapist yet? But I do want to work on myself. What's one or two things that you can tell someone, if they are. If they did not make the resolution right, like I wasn't in my head, I wasn't successful, because I agree with you. You know I'm always trying to take the other side of the audience, but I agree with you. You know it doesn't have to have a date, because even when we're talking about resolutions right, why did they have to start January 1,? Right? We could have started December 23rd and say, hey, we're going to start today.

Amber: 17:34

You know it doesn't have to happen there, but and I get that, that's a mindset mindset shift. But let's say I didn't reach my goal. But I want to try again. I want to start over. I heard everything that you said. Okay, I want to do this different. What's one, two or three things that I can do to try to help myself stay on track this time around?

Sara: 17:46

the first thing is understand the why behind your resolution. Number two like pull out a whether it's electronically or paper version. Like I like touching paper, you write down those resolutions and it's important that you have a trusted accountability partner that can help hold you accountable, because sometimes when we keep our goals to ourselves, we hear okay, move in silence. Yeah, you can move in silence with certain people, but in your trusted circle you don't have to move in silence. And if you have to move in silence in your trusted circle, we may have to reevaluate that circle like, why am I moving in silence without you when you're my trusted, you know person?

Sara: 18:30

so really, um you know, find somebody who can you know you trust, who can help hold you accountable, and start there because you're right. Um, not everybody um can go to therapy, whether it's five dollars or five, four, not not five hundred dollars. But you know, no matter what the um you don't know, you know people's um current situation so definitely, and also there are some therapists out there who have workshops that are um affordable on different topics. Look for that, um. I think starting there would help that's's a good start.

Amber: 19:11

Are there any like book recommendations or, like you said, workshops that someone may have held, or do you have something like is there something that I can read? Is it something that I can do, or join or attend support group, or something that me and other women are also going through the same thing and I want to talk to my peers and we bounce it off. Do you have any recommendations, um, about anything like that that someone can join?

Sara: 19:42

so you say that and I laugh to myself, not because it's funny, but you know life, when you think about the plan you're like, oh, life could be funny. That's something that I've been thinking that I need to work on this year, that I have part of the different. You know the goals that I have to be able to offer. You know different workshops on different topics, that for those who cannot, um, go to therapy for different reasons, you know for different reasons, but one book, I would say actually three books.

Sara: 20:22

One of them, um, her name is escaping me, but if you look at, why am I like this? Um, it's a black female therapist and I apologize for not having your name from the top of my head, um, but, um, I really respect her work, um. Another one is, um sisterhood hill, because that ties into relationships, by Dr Joy Harden, bradford. And the third one would be the Color of Emotional Intelligence, because you want to understand that and increase your EQ, because that's a part of that learning how to regulate yourself, manage your relationship, manage yourself and understanding yourself, by Fala Harris.

Amber: 21:07

Why Am I Like? This is by Colby Campbell, sorry.

Sara: 21:10

Yes, colby, my apologies for not having your name at the top of my head, but I really respect her and I respect her work. I really do.

Amber: 21:20

Those are three really really good books. I love that. So I mean I think this is a really good start for people to kind of listen, to understand that you shouldn't beat yourself up about whatever you know, whatever goal you have set. And if you thought you were going to do it in 30 days, and it doesn't take 30 days, it takes 90 days or it may just take you to reset all over again, that's OK. It's OK for us to reset because it's life right. We're always starting something and starting something new or trying to get somewhere, so totally understandable. So I think this is a really good start for people to hear this and then kind of start being able to put some things into place. Do you offer these things for women? Do you have any availability where people can come to you if they want to chat with you about, um, setting up a plan, some type of plan or goal about what I want to do for myself or for my and we're not even gonna say resolution.

Amber: 22:19

We're gonna say these are just goals that I have for myself. That's something that you offer for for, uh, people and not just women. But I know women is your specialty.

Sara: 22:26

But no, I really do, I really do. Even I've been known to be the one even like we meet each other and then we just start talking about your goals, like you're just in this setting, like which way see yourself in two years? Okay, and it just ends up and then I love to see once I've had a conversation with someone, even if it's a year from now and they haven't connected with me again, but I see them doing the things that we talked about. Well, that's how I make me feel so good inside. It's just very rewarding.

Sara: 23:02

So, yes, it is something that I do offer. I do offer it, I include it, I integrate it in my therapy sessions. I just do because, just naturally, I just love doing that. I love to see results. I'm very goal-oriented and result-driven kind of person and I just actually added it as a service in my practice earlier this year, where I said you know what? Not everybody are in a season where they need therapy. Yes, therapy is important. I will always advocate for it, but I know that not everybody is always in the season where they do need therapy. So if that's the case, it may be that they want to work on their goals, and that's something that I decided to add as a service.

Amber: 23:58

I love that. I think that I agree and I wanted to piggyback off what you said, like when you see your clients succeed with something or actually implementing something, the gratification that you get to see someone else like you did it. It's so awesome, yeah, I love that yes it is Well remind people who you are, how they can find you, what you do, what's your website. Give them all the good stuff, tell them all about you.

Sara: 24:26

So I am Shana Elise. I am a licensed mental health counselor and I am, in private practice, the owner of Sound Mind Wellness. You can find me at on the website, wwwsoundmindwellnesscom, and on Instagram at Sound Mind Wellness, and also on LinkedIn under my name Sia Elise.

Amber: 24:50

Well, thank you so much for joining us. We really appreciate it and we will chat with you soon. Thank you.

Sara: 24:56

Thank you, it was my pleasure.