When East Meets West
East coast psychologist Peter Economou, Ph.D. and West coast psychologist Nikki Rubin, Psy.D. discuss the relationship between ancient Eastern spiritual practices and modern Western behavioral science with practical takeaways for everyone. Learn more at www.wheneastmeetswest.com
When East Meets West
S4E29 Youth vs. Youthfulness
We explore the difference between youth as a chronological stage and youthfulness as a mindset that can be cultivated throughout life, examining how these concepts influence our approach to aging and personal growth.
• Youth is a developmental stage where we test boundaries and build character through experiences
• The natural risk-taking of youth serves an important purpose in development
• Social media has complicated modern youth by making information about risks more accessible
• As we age, increased caution comes naturally from accumulated life experiences
• Youthfulness is similar to "beginner's mind" but adds playfulness and spirited engagement
• Maintaining youthfulness paradoxically requires accepting the aging process
• Physical movement is essential for preserving a youthful spirit at any age
• Finding balance between acceptance of limitations and continued engagement with life
pete. So we're going to talk about something today that neither you and I are anymore, which is which is, which is youth. We're not. We're not well, but we are, but I will say that we are youthful. I would you are no, you are too so what do they say? Youth is wasted on the young oh yeah, I think that is the phrase yeah yeah or yeah, youth is exactly like. Yeah, so we want to talk about youth because, you know, I think um the concept of youth gets twisted a lot, you know and especially like that.
Speaker 1:So I I'm also bringing in the word youthful, because they're different things. So you know, we, we all experience youth, right, it's, it's chronological, right, it's part of development, it's when, when we're younger, you know, you know, to the to that quote like youth is uh wasted on the young I don't know, what do you? What do you think about that stage development your own life, like I don't know. Patients you work with, you work with a lot of college students like yeah yeah, well, I mean youth.
Speaker 2:So the college students, you know they do stupid things, which is like part of being youthful, like you and I, part part of what, uh the impetus for us doing this. I was talking about how I would, you know, go to London for the weekend or, you know, drive across, uh, paris and Germany to go take a boat to Sweden, uh with with Cecilia, and it was like, you know, I didn't even think twice about it and it safe.
Speaker 1:You know, right, it's like. It's also like you know, I always say it is, but it's an important part of development, like I, I still like, you know my friends from college, for example, uh, it's like we still like reminisce about, like the.
Speaker 2:Uh, you know I have to put an explicit label, like the dumb shit you do with your friends when you're young, totally yeah, but it's great like it's great with your friends you have to do that dumb shit because that's what builds character, and so, being in the mental health field, working with that population, a lot of times people are like, oh, this is pathological or a diagnosis. I'm like, no, it's not, it's just developmental. They're like, oh, they're using drugs. Good, I don't endorse that. So by no means am I saying I endorse that. However Sure, sure, and don't like endorse that.
Speaker 1:So by no means am I saying I endorse that, However sure, and it's like going out and testing what it's like to be in the world and without without as much you know, like without as developed a brain as you're saying. That's one part of it, but it's also like less experienced, like a lot of people I work with. You know, when they get it, I would say probably starting in their thirties people will say why am I more afraid of fill in the blank thing?
Speaker 1:And I said honestly, it's just like you've been on the planet longer, so you've heard more stories, you know more about danger of things, and so when you're younger there's like a bit of a blindness to it.
Speaker 2:But it helps. So how is social, so social media, is really impacting this then? Because the information is like everywhere and it stays there. So what do you think about that?
Speaker 1:Oh, I think it makes it. I mean that's like another episode. I mean I think it makes it infinitely worse because it's like you're you're more aware of of it. Statistically, things seem bigger than they are what would wait?
Speaker 2:what was your youth like? Like so you know, like you're out in the streets and stuff like that, not in that kind of way, but like even when I was, like in high, like when I was in high school or in college. Like primary secondary school, Like when you're playing kickball on the street yeah.
Speaker 1:We actually. I mean this is like I think it's very dorky, cute.
Speaker 1:In my neighborhood where I grew up, it's a lot of kids we would all ride bikes in this one part across the street and I mean, my mom would say that she, she liked there was. There was kind of it's like a long, long street with a cul-de-sac, but where our house was, she kind of watched through the window and see if we would come back and forth. And this is a true story. The neighborhood kids we called ourselves the bunny ears. Anyway, it was like every day after school and we did it for years. It was super fun.
Speaker 2:And just bunny ear, the bunny ear bike gang. I love that.
Speaker 1:I haven't thought about that in a long time. Actually, it's funny.
Speaker 2:You're welcome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it was like doing it. And that's like as an elementary school kid you know of like you know of like.
Speaker 2:and then in high school, what were you? What were you doing Cause I'm going to get the West coast perspective on this what were you doing in high?
Speaker 1:school. Well, it's kind of civil college. I mean, you know, I grew up at the beach and so it was a lot of um.
Speaker 2:I mean, just certainly I was like going to parties and things like that, you know, and we spent a lot of time at the a lot of time at the beach surfing or just hanging out like, just hanging out like beach bonfires are a big thing, and what stupid shit would people do, not you, I know, but I think this is the things that teenagers do.
Speaker 1:I mean it's like you know, in high school. I mean and I was um, you know, I've always been a pretty responsible kid, so you know by a rule follower a rule follower, I mean so, but but you know, there's things where it's like you're going out, you're like saying you're doing one thing and you're doing another.
Speaker 2:No, you didn't. Yeah, that kind of stuff, but like nothing you know you would be like I'm going to go to place a but really go to place B.
Speaker 1:Sure yeah love that it's your testing. It's like what about you I?
Speaker 2:for listeners. That's because I was always doing that. I mean I was, you know, I one time I got caught like stealing like a, like a butterfinger from some store. I mean you want to talk like I think this is what just makes me so real with a lot of like the adolescents I work with. You know where I'm just like, yeah, this is what you do, so, okay, uh, primaries, all sports. So I think we probably had a bunny or bike gang too, ish, but we had. I had a batting cage in my backyard and I know so, like the neighborhood kids would do.
Speaker 2:That was mostly for my two older brothers, because I didn't love baseball, uh, but that was so breaks my heart, but go on. I know I know, I know, and then, like you'd play like manhunt in the neighborhood, you know where did you ever play manhunt on the west coast? Oh my god I saw on your face you didn't know what it was so it's like a.
Speaker 2:It's like a evolved hide and seek, but it's like in like the whole neighborhood and you're running like between the streets that catch people it's what's kind of actually honest.
Speaker 1:It's not unlike my little bike gang.
Speaker 2:It's the same idea in the dark no, we would do well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I guess we'd have to come home by dark, but but it's. But I hear you say if it's the same of like catching each other and like chasing and you know and then in high school, um, all sports, like I was really started to get into swimming.
Speaker 2:But I will say the dumb shit part was I think this was high school, maybe just before when my parents divorced, my house became the place that people came to Because my mom was working and dad wasn't there. So it was like we had water fights inside my house Inside yes, you heard that right. I remember that I was just like who could do this? If I had any kids doing that in my house today, I would murder somebody. But I guess my mom's a saint I don't know, she dealt with it somehow, but uh yeah but anyway.
Speaker 2:So as an adult, these things change. So what would you like? How do you think about that clinically? Or if you have some, like you talked about the patient who was saying like why is this happening? You know, how do you get people to maybe do more adventurous things?
Speaker 1:well, I think that's a that's a really good question. I think this is where maybe we can talk about like connecting to youthfulness oh, you know, versus youth.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's like this youthfulness there's.
Speaker 1:It's like to be honest. I actually have never thought about this way until I'm saying it right now.
Speaker 1:Um, it's very like akin to beginner's mind which is you know for listeners, if you haven't heard us talk about it before, it's a mindfulness concept where you're coming to each moment as if it's the first time and children and animals are very good at beginner's mind, adults not so much for some of these reasons that we're talking about, but I think youthfulness, there's a beginner's mind quality, but there's actually also a spirit of like, playfulness and fun. And you know, youthfulness is not, um, it doesn't there. It's kind of. Again, I would say it's actually a value. I would actually argue because you can connect to youthfulness at at any age, right, it's like. So I think that if you value that and you're practicing a willingness to keep exploring or trying things, even when you feel afraid, right, so that's a big thing with values in general right, like you know it's taking a risk and trying to move your life forward in whatever way.
Speaker 1:You know that that may be. Um, yeah, I think that's, that's part of it, like I, you know, I actually, to be honest, like I never, I never relate to people, um, I never relate to the concept when people say like that are our age, for example, and they say, like I feel so old you know, and I'll say I don't.
Speaker 1:It's like and I mean it not in the way that I don't feel my age, that I feel I like. I like being the age that I was like. I like the older, I like my experience in life more and more with age.
Speaker 1:Like you, know it's like you feel more yourself, more you have more experience, more knowledge, whatever more comfort with oneself. But I think it's because, for me, youthfulness is really important. So even if things are different or harder, I don't know, it's just an interesting thing for me. I had a conversation with somebody about that, with someone the other day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I feel that. I mean, when you said that I kind of a little like surprised because I do think I feel old, because I, I think, but I think that's also part of like a little bit of burnout.
Speaker 1:You know, like I think I'm at sure, like you know, drag down, yeah, drag down like which disconnects us from youthfulness. It does, yeah it's not energizing.
Speaker 2:So making sure that you do take a moment to like re-energize, and because I that's always what I joke about, like when I'm at the gym, I'm like I'm not the 18 year old that I sometimes have in my brain. Still, you know.
Speaker 1:Sure, well sure. It's like you've got to meet yourself where you're at, like you know. Obviously, aging is aging is real right, they have to. They like they want to look the way that they did when they're 18. They want their body to function.
Speaker 2:It's like so aesthetic, like some aesthetic intervention, yeah, or like even functional.
Speaker 1:You say it's like you can't like. At some point you're like my body has more wear and tear on it than it did when I was at right, and remembering that, connecting to like that experience, that spirit of youthfulness it's about I don't know. For me it's just like about energy and presence and feeling like yourself and playfulness, and I think that like shines, like, I'm sure, everybody I certainly could think of people like this, Everybody probably knows like a very elderly person.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Maybe somebody like in their eighties, nineties, maybe a hundred plus, who've, who's got a youthful?
Speaker 2:energy. Yeah, yeah, and really trying to tap into that Cause I think what I hear you saying is that we all could have that.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:You just have to tap into it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you have to, and I think it also again, it's very paradoxical, as the stuff always is right. It requires also meeting yourself where you're at. It's like letting go of a way something is supposed to be. It's like you know as our bodies change you know, like the way we feel, the way we look, you know, that's like you just brought the Eastern part into it, so thank you for that yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:It is about letting go of what you were.
Speaker 1:Because I'll just say my dad is aging horribly and not from a physical perspective. He's probably not going to be listening to this.
Speaker 2:I would say it's no, because I've had the conversation with him. It's like he's not accepting the aging process, which is like, you have to create the youthfulness. Like you're not all of a sudden, you know he's like I don't know I'm so tired. I'm like like because you just mowed the lawn, you know, hung some lights and did like four of the things like that's not what people in their 70s do like. If you did one of those things.
Speaker 1:That's cool, well, and it's also like making sure that you're finding things that, if we look again, some of the balance, like you, I mean I'm glad here he's moving his body right like that's.
Speaker 1:That's exactly this like you know um, I mean I, my grandfather, was 101 and he and he's literally, um, he literally said recently he went, I mean he stopped golfing, he golfed until he was 99, like I mean it's like amazing he's got a golfing sometimes a week till he's 99. And then recently he said I need to get back to the gym yeah, and he I was like yeah, good grandpa. Yeah, it was like amazing you know so moving is moving.
Speaker 1:Your body is a part of it, but I think, um, it's also just saying like I don't know, it doesn't have, you're not trying to push yourself. It's like when you were, when you were 20. Yeah, yeah, and knowing the of limits you're gonna wait, are you gonna?
Speaker 2:you're gonna go to the gym until like what? 99 yeah, for sure okay, I think you would actually some yoga. I guess you're doing yoga until I do Pilates now, but you know oh, for real, yeah, oh, that's so la, yeah, yeah, so what we should have?
Speaker 1:her on. I, the one I do is very mindful space anyway oh, I love it.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's about longevity.
Speaker 1:Actually it's about oh, love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah so you know, I think, think for listeners, whatever stage of life you're in, whether you're a youth or you are simply connected to feeling youthful. Youthfulness is something that can bring us energy, can give us a sense of playfulness, openness and maybe feeling connected to who we are.
