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Leading with Heart: The Key to Business Growth and Fulfillment

• Ed Drozda

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New Episode Alert! Ed Drozda, The Small Business Doctor, sits down with Randy Lyman, author of The Third Element, to discuss the power of vulnerability in business. Learn how genuine leadership and embracing your authentic self can lead to unparalleled success. Tune in! #Podcast #BusinessGrowth 

Welcome to The Water Trough where we can't make you drink, but we will make you think. My name is Ed Drozda, The Small Business Doctor, and I'm really excited you chose to join me here as we discuss topics that are important for small business folks just like you. If you're looking for ideas, inspiration, and possibility, you've come to the right place. Join us as we take steps to help you create the healthy business that you've all. Always wanted.

Ed Drozda:

Welcome back to The Water Trough folks, this is Ed Drozda, The Small Business Doctor. Today I'm joined by Randy Lyman. Randy is an entrepreneur, an emotional mastery expert, and the author of The Third Element. With over 35 years of experience in business and leadership, Randy comes from modest beginnings and has built the American Dream. It's his mission to help others do the same. His personal journey, transforming from the completely left-brained engineer to the fully developed right brain coach he is today that shaped his approach to leadership and business growth. Randy's coaching and speaking style are engaging, grounded and highly actionable, empowering others to move beyond limiting beliefs and step into their true potential. He's committed to guiding people through emotional healing, growth, and self-discovery, ultimately leading them toward a more abundant and fulfilled life. When he is not coaching or writing, Randy enjoys exploring new adventures with his family, working on his business, and helping others embrace the power of emotional mastery in every area of their lives. Randy, welcome.

Randy Lyman:

Hello, Ed, good to be here.

Ed Drozda:

Very nice to have you here today. I gotta ask you, we're in different parts of the country. How is your weather today?

Randy Lyman:

I am in Eastern Washington state and it's beautiful up here today. It's beautiful? Western Washington's rainy, I spent most of my life there, I don't want to go back. Eastern Washington I love. It is more rural, farm country, and after the clouds pass over the Cascade Mountains it's dry on this side of the state.

Ed Drozda:

Oh my gosh, i'd trade anything for that because down here in Eastern North Carolina it is anything but dry.

Randy Lyman:

Yeah, it's a tough time of the year for you guys down there.

Ed Drozda:

Yeah, it can be. Well, listen Randy, let's jump right in here. I'd like to ask you a little bit about your journey from the left-brained engineer to the right-brained coach that you are today. That's a fascinating journey, I'm sure. Tell us a bit about it.

Randy Lyman:

In 1989 at the age of 28 I had multiple million dollar businesses. I was successful, but I wasn't necessarily happy, and I definitely was not fulfilled. I met a woman that I ended up spending three years with, Maria, who I talk about in my book, the Third Element, and she opened my eyes to the unseen part of life, the more emotional, spiritual side of the human experience. And holy cow, did that change my life.

Ed Drozda:

Just how did it change your life? What were some of the things that turned things on their ear?

Randy Lyman:

My approach to success and what I thought would be happiness was to educate myself as much as I could and to work as hard as I could. Two of the three elements of being human are the mental and information education, et cetera, and our body and the physical world. I was under the impression, the false impression that was enough. The third and final element is our emotional selves. What are we feeling today? What emotions are we hanging onto from the past? And how can we become more emotionally fluid? Meaning we don't avoid our emotions. Instead we embrace them and we work through them. Now, I don't use emotions to make decisions. But I certainly wanna be aware of what I'm feeling in any situation and find ways to release emotional energy from the past. And that brought me so much success. My businesses grew to 30 and 40 times what they were before I started down this path of emotional awareness.

Ed Drozda:

Okay you made this transition, and it's certainly a very personal one, but in order for it to be effective in growing a business, you have to somehow be able to share this with your employees to some degree. How did you go about doing that?

Randy Lyman:

Two parts to that Ed. The first is I showed up more clear without worry, without anger, without frustration, without feeling so alone. And when I was more clear as an individual, then I was easier to work with. I was more kind and compassionate and considerate, and I attracted better people to work with. The second part of the answer is I was able to teach others how to interact with each other. In a business setting, completely appropriate but from a more caring, compassionate, approach means more listening, more involving others in decision making, more acknowledgement of what others are doing. So the three components that come out of that are acknowledging people for who they are, helping people feel that they're really contributing to the cause,'cause many people's life doesn't feel meaningful, and if they can find meaning in their contribution at work, that's fantastic. And then lastly, a sense of belonging. Do they feel like they belong to the group? It's kinda like belonging to a family in a way, but do they belong to the group? So I was able to change my behavior. I was able to change the way we approached problem solving. And then there were a lot of small processes, and programs and such I Incorporated into the business to support those three pillars of the acknowledgement, contribution and belonging.

Ed Drozda:

That's fascinating. I believe a lot of folks in leadership find themselves maybe due to insecurity, they find themselves in a position where they have to retain a certain amount of aloofness and distance from their people.

Randy Lyman:

I'm gonna tangent on that somewhat, but I'm gonna address how new leaders are more likely to push their way through rather than motivate. So, when we grow up, especially as men, and for women it's gonna be completely different, but I'm gonna speak to my position as a man, in junior high and high school if I showed any caring or compassion it was brutal. Men and young boys are not in a position where they can show their feminine traits because the other boys and the other men will just beat the crap out of them. So we learned to be protected. We learned that we need our masculine traits to succeed, and we push our way through as young leaders. We believe if we're tough and we're macho and we're masculine, then we're going to accomplish what we need. When we're no longer in grade school or more likely, junior high and high school and now we're young adults that whole macho thing doesn't apply in the same way. And now we learn we're part of society in a different manner, meaning we're fitting in, we're contributing, and we're dealing with adults who aren't so brutal. Now, some adults are pretty brutal, but as we mature, then we're able to deal with that. So when I was first leading people, my approach and again, I grew up in the sixties and the seventies, our approach was push our way through, tell people what to do, make sure they did it. If they didn't do it, there was consequences. And young leaders take that more masculine approach. And then we get a little older and we become a little wiser, and we realize, well, people are here because they wanna do the best they can. They're here because they care about their family and they wanna have a meaningful career. And when we can tap into the desires of the people we work with and their desire for success, their desire for acknowledgement, their desire for advancement, now we can create an environment where it's more collaborative instead of forceful. And that's just a natural part of growing up. Again, a women's perspective is different, but as a man, we learn to force our way through when we're young. And then when we're a little older, we learn, oh. There's a different and better way to do this. And that was my progression as a leader.

Ed Drozda:

From that space where you had a role to fill that which you were born with, so to speak, and realizing that was not gonna be appropriate in your adult space.

Randy Lyman:

Exactly. I realized it wasn't appropriate and I realized it caused more harm and damage than good. Through my three years with Maria and my 35 years on my spiritual path, so to speak, I've worked through so many issues personally that I can show up calm, compassionate, caring, even vulnerable, admitting my mistakes and asking for help. And when I do that, I do that from a place of internal strength and the people I lead, they recognize that strength and they feel safe in that space that I provide, and they know I'm on their side and I'm going to help them succeed. Now it's easy to lead them. They know I'm there for them. We do this together and we accomplish so much more. Now, that's not an easy transition from being a young leader to a more mature and wise leader, but that's the path I had to go down.

Ed Drozda:

That's a very important point you just made about being vulnerable. Being vulnerable comes in multiple forms. I can be vulnerable, but I'll never let you know it. Or I can be vulnerable and make it a part of my person, make it evident. I'm hearing you say just that, it's the latter, that it is part of me. It is me. I think it can be construed as disarming. It gives people the reason to go, oh, oh, it's, well you said safe, I'll say disarming. Okay.

Randy Lyman:

Oh, I like your word better. I'm gonna borrow that and use that going forward. That's really what happens. If I show up protecting myself, people feel that and then they protect themselves and we're all worried about what other people think, and am I going to get approval mm-hmm and then that gets in the way of getting the job done. When I realize my power to accomplish things comes from the people I lead, it doesn't come from my title, it doesn't come from my authority, my true power that I can accomplish as a leader comes from the contribution of my team and the contribution of my team is directly tied to do they feel safe and supported.

Ed Drozda:

We all have a need to feel valued, to belong, and that goes to our workspace as well as our home life, and anywhere else. I believe what happens is we're disengaged. We're not engaged because there is that sense that in order to succeed in the workspace, we have to follow a particular regimen and ignore our own need for value.

Randy Lyman:

And, in many workspaces that is absolutely true, but in a more evolved workspace that you and I are used to, and we're talking about directly here today, where people are caring, considerate, compassionate, intelligent, and hardworking, also, those are valuable, when we are in a functional workplace rather than a dysfunctional workplace, mm-hmm, then everything is different. When I can come in and I can be disarming by being genuine, by being vulnerable, by listening, and engaging other people in a different dynamic, people show up without having to keep their guard up. They're not spending time and energy protecting themselves. They're not spending time and energy gossiping. They are part of the creative process. Now I have to teach people how to problem solve. I have to teach people how to get along and disagree and still get along, and it takes time to teach all those things. And that's what I do with my one-on-one coaching and my corporate coaching. But when we can create and nurture an environment like that with an investment, it really pays off. Not just because work is easier, people get along, but because the business numbers are so much stronger and the financial success is there.

Ed Drozda:

I look at the numbers and the financial success as result of that change in the attitude, a result of the change in that approach, that lack of defensiveness, that openness, that acceptance, that vulnerability. I see those things as leading to improvement in the numbers and the financial situation. Yes?

Randy Lyman:

Yes, exactly. Leaders mostly are motivated by numbers, but most team members are just not motivated by numbers. But the team members do drive the numbers. So the numbers won't drive the team members, but the team members can drive the numbers. So the leaders responsibility is how do I take the goals that I have for myself and my team and for the company and help the entire team get on board with the mission. That's where the investment really pays off because it is an investment. It doesn't just happen in a day or a week, or sometimes even a year. Usually within a year you can get it done, but that's a big investment in time. And leaders say, I don't have the time to do this. Well, the question then becomes, do you have the time to micromanage? Not necessarily even micromanage, but to constantly guide people. We want people who understand the goal and understand the mission and understand how to get there, and that's where the investment pays off.

Ed Drozda:

There's another thing that comes to mind here. When somebody says that will take too much effort, I think the alternative question is quite valuable. Can you afford not to?

Randy Lyman:

Exactly. I don't know if Abraham Lincoln said this or not, people say, Abraham Lincoln said, if you have four hours to cut down a tree with a saw or an ax spend the first three hours sharpening your tools, and then the rest goes easier.

Ed Drozda:

I'm 71 years old and I have to tell you I've never heard that, but that makes perfect sense. Sharpen your tools.

Randy Lyman:

Sharpen the tools, and then they stay sharp longer and it's easy to resharpen them and everything works. And people want to learn when they feel that they can show up and make mistakes and they're safe to be themselves. Then most people, not everybody, but the right people on the right teams, they wanna learn, they wanna improve, they wanna do the best they can. Now also, when we set them up for success and we're doing a good job as a leader, we can find opportunities to praise those people. Mm-hmm. And that's what really also drives teams is when we can take the time as a leader to find an area where we can genuinely praise somebody for doing a good job. Mm-hmm. It will do better. When this concept was shared with me 40 years ago I thought, if I praise somebody for doing a mediocre job they'll either continue to be mediocre or worse yet they'll get lazy and they'll do less. Turns out that's not true. If I praise somebody for doing mediocre or I even have to stretch and say it was great you were on time to work today they are going to respond positively to that praise. It has to be genuine, but it works.

Ed Drozda:

Praise is interesting. It strikes at the internal chords that we all have, most importantly that it is genuine. Any kind of false praise will result in exactly what you would expect. Thanks a lot. That was great. It's much like trying to give somebody a raise when they really need a pat on the back and appreciation. You know, here, here's some money, shut up now you're done.

Randy Lyman:

And your point goes further, which is when people can feel us and they know we're genuine, mm-hmm, then they can hear us. When they can feel us, they can hear us, and then we can have a true communication. But if we show up, we're in our heads, we're in a hurry, or we're not in a good mood, people sense that they shut off, they don't hear a thing we say.

Ed Drozda:

Right. When you're working with a group of people, when you're working with a business, this process is in my estimation a cultural change or it's a cultural event. Yes?

Randy Lyman:

Yes, and it works if the leader has two characteristics. First they need to be curious. They can't be close-minded. They have to be curious, and they have to be curious about a deeper perspective. They wanna understand at a deeper level how they change themselves, how they change their culture, and how they improve their business. So again, those are the two, two key words, right? Curious and deeper.

Ed Drozda:

I as the leader am curious. I have the desire to do this, but I have a team working for me who may not share my enthusiasm and even if I am effective at being vulnerable, thereby giving them an opportunity to know and feel safe with me, I can't assume that I will be able to get them engaged with this process.

Randy Lyman:

So the leadership team, if they don't have the same characteristics of curiosity and a deeper interest, then they're not gonna make it on the team in the long term. As we grow as individuals, as leaders, and young entrepreneurs need to know this, as we grow personally and our business grows, we're going to lose team members. We're going to lose friends that we've hired, we're going to lose people we really enjoyed working with. We as leaders need to address that with caring, compassion, and empathy. We're not gonna get rid of people because they didn't keep up with the growth of the business. We're going to do what we can to train them and help them find their way. But if ultimately they're not able to grow as a young or new business grows, they're not gonna fit in anymore. And that's okay because they're gonna find somewhere they fit in and they're happy and they're happier overall. So as we grow personally, then our business grows and evolves. Not everybody is going to stay along for the ride, and that's just a normal part of the business. I one time had to fire my best friend because he wasn't able to get past his own challenges.

Ed Drozda:

Those things do happen and certainly the bigger goal, the overarching goal in business is the business. Whether friends are formed or brought into the organization or not there will be times when that does mean taking steps that are well, less than comfortable, put it that way. What about the role of civility in this? How does civility fit in for you?

Randy Lyman:

We never have any reason, as a leader to get upset. When I was younger, I'd get upset. Did it get me results? No, I lost respect. People lost respect for me, and it didn't accomplish what I needed to accomplish. So today, when I have to deal with conflict, I'm calm, I'm confident. I know that if I need to take actions to give somebody some time off or some training or even termination, I can do that respectfully, I can do that with consideration. I fired many people over my years, but I've had at least seven that I remember who have hugged me right when I finished letting them go, because I explained to them what I appreciated in them. I explained how I felt they didn't fit. I explained a lot of things about the situation that were very frank and honest, including the appreciation for who they were and they knew they didn't fit. And then it's like, wow, you did this. You fired me. I fired them, but I did it with calm, caring, and compassion. Mm-hmm. And they we're not expecting that. And we don't have to get upset. It doesn't make us more effective as a leader. What makes us effective as a leader is being grounded and centered in the moment, feeling what we need to feel not being irrationally emotional,'cause there's emotions that come up that sometimes we have to put aside at the moment. But at least being present and not just being in our mind and not being in a place where we think we need to protect ourselves. We're dealing with facts. We're dealing with human beings, we're dealing with people that we can find some way to express our gratitude for.

Ed Drozda:

Absolutely. I love that little story about some of the folks that you've fired and who have embraced you and the idea that they're being fired. I've been in that position myself, and it all goes back to the notion that as a leader, it's your responsibility to be looking at the bigger picture and making sure that everyone, everyone is not only fitting in, but is deriving value from it. And this goes back to the thing about feeling valued. And if that is the case, it certainly is appropriate to say to someone, this is not working out, here's why. This is what you've done, what you've accomplished for which I'm grateful, but I know you've got so much more potential and it doesn't reside here in this situation. And that is palatable to hear it that way. In fact, it's engaging and exciting. There's potential. And I imagine that you perhaps like myself have given people a recommendation in view of those things, because it's not personal in the sense of, well, the idea of quote firing sounds so terrible, but really it's an opportunity for someone to move on and to get from one space to another. There's no reason to block that potential for them. Sure, something nefarious happened or something criminal happened, that's a different story, but that's very small numbers. And probably in the case of the nefarious things, it's because you didn't take the time upfront to develop a good awareness and style of self to be an effective leader. It probably goes back to that in most of those cases.

Randy Lyman:

There's a whole myriad of reasons things don't work out, but in the end the goal is to treat that human being with respect. And if they're not a good person we can still do our best to acknowledge something positive about them. Make it brief and be as kind as possible in the situation. To be kind in the situation even if it's a situation where things went really bad, that doesn't mean we have to act badly because they acted badly. We can still stay calm and caring.

Ed Drozda:

Yeah, it doesn't have to be an eye for an eye tooth for tooth. Right?

Randy Lyman:

It gets us nowhere; I agree with you.

Ed Drozda:

But let's be realistic, it is not that unusual either. It's out there.

Randy Lyman:

The reason people can be combative when they're firing is because they're uncomfortable with having to deliver the message. Hmm. Or they're afraid that something within them is going to be exposed. This person I'm firing may know something about me, or may call me out on a mistake I made and suddenly I'm not comfortable being in a vulnerable position when I'm firing somebody who could attack me verbally, right information wise, attack me back. So if I'm confident in who I am, and I know that who I am is bigger than my title, bigger than who I show up as, I am a spiritual being on a human path who makes mistakes. But if I'm caring and confident and considerate, whatever that person says to me won't shake me. Now, if I am playing games as a leader and I am not caring and compassionate, then there's parts of me that can be exposed during this firing interaction. Mm-hmm. If I'm leading from a place of caring then even when I'm vulnerable, there's nothing exposed.

Ed Drozda:

If you're vulnerable, chances are you've laid your cards on the table. You haven't shied away from being precisely who you are.

Randy Lyman:

And if I show up consistently as a good person who's doing what's best for everybody involved, and I do the right thing even when it's expensive in the short term, I do the right thing even when it's uncomfortable then they don't have to hide. Then it's easier to show up and be vulnerable. But if I am a younger manager or I came from a dysfunctional family or other dysfunctional companies and I'm playing games and I'm manipulating and I'm doing all those things, then I may act in a way that's outwardly aggressive to protect myself from being exposed, because I have something to hide.

Ed Drozda:

It seems as if when it comes to engaging people in the process of leading with vulnerability, of leading with high quality, rock-solid emotional intelligence, you gotta start early. You gotta get'em before they're jaded by the various things that are going on out there, right?

Randy Lyman:

100%. If a person, a leader has bought into a methodology or philosophy of I wanna be tough and I'm gonna take before someone else takes from me, I'm not gonna work with that person. No matter what we do, they're not going to change because they live their life that way. Now, if a person believes I'm going to receive more by giving more I'm going to be willing to show up and expose my weaknesses and trust that the people I'm working with are not going to attack me'cause I'm working with the right people and it all comes together. But if we're working in a dysfunctional company it doesn't work. If we're working with a dysfunctional leadership team, it doesn't work. If we're working with a majority of people who aren't going to respond to positive input it doesn't work. It has to be the right group of people. It has to be the right leader, and it has to be the right leadership team. But here's something I wanna say. If somebody says, I've changed my ways, and yes I was an asshole in the way I used to lead people, and yeah I've had a lot of problems and the way I did things didn't work. But now I'm ready to find another way of being, another way of leading. I'm gonna take the risk that what Randy says is true, and I'm gonna dive in, and the universe will get behind them and lead them or support them to success if they're willing to make the internal changes. Then they can find success by attracting the right management team and the right team members. But they have to be willing to go through personal growth.

Ed Drozda:

They can't surround themselves with, and I'm using the term winners in a positive way, they can't surround themselves with winners if they are losers, correct? Or pardon me, they can, but that's not gonna work.

Randy Lyman:

It's not gonna work for the long term, and in my book, The Third Element, I talk a lot about the Law of Attraction from a scientific point of view, Mm-hmm, and how it works, all the way down to nuclear physics and Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. It's a fun story. But we attract people who are similar to us, not exactly like us, but similar, and we attract to us the lessons that we need, and as we become more emotionally clear, intellectually intelligent, and more hardworking, and we attract to ourselves people who are more emotionally clear, more intelligent, and more hardworking, and who have the same intent that we have. If we have a pure intent, we're much more likely to attract people with pure intent. Pure meaning, let's do what's right for everybody involved.

Ed Drozda:

Gotcha. Gotcha. So Randy, we are close to the end of our time together, so I'd like to ask you if there's anything that you would like to leave us with.

Randy Lyman:

Well, for young leaders or older leaders who are in a position where they're considering changing, don't doubt yourself. Know that we all at points in time doubt ourselves. We all try to be perfect, and those two things hold us back. We can't be perfect. We're going to make mistakes and we're going to have to learn, but we started out with nothing and we've learned what we have so far to get here. And every one of us has the ability to learn and grow and improve. Give yourself some leeway for mistakes, give yourself the opportunity to learn new things, and know that with an open mind just about anything is possible.

Ed Drozda:

Well Randy, I wanna thank you for taking the time to be with us today. I sincerely appreciate it. One of my big takeaways is the importance of being self-aware and allowing vulnerability to exist knowing that we are not perfect, that we are what we are. And in being what we are, we also have the opportunity, the possibility of change, which is a good thing. Regardless of what we are it's a good thing that we can change and we can adapt. So I thank you very much for this. I hope that you'll continue to have the opportunity, I'm sure you will, to reach a lot of people, enlightening them in these matters, because there's certainly nothing but potential out there. It would be nice to see a lot more formative development around these concepts that you brought to bear. So thank you.

Randy Lyman:

You're welcome. Thank you for having me on, Ed. I love your mission and all the great work you're doing.

Ed Drozda:

Thank you so much. Folks this is Ed Drozda, The Small Business Doctor and here at The Water Trough, I want to wish you a healthy business. I also want to encourage you, as Randy has mentioned to us, to be aware of your leadership style, to be open and vulnerable in your work environment. Not to shy away from the fact that you are striving to be the best you can be, not to shy away from the fact that you are there for your people who will in turn stand behind you, develop greater engagement and greater commitment. Thanks folks.