Breaking Assumptions: A New Look at Communication

Ever caught yourself assuming in a conversation? 🤔 In my latest episode of The Water Trough, I dive into the art of listening and deliberate speaking for better communication! Tune in with Ed Drozda, The Small Business Doctor. 💬 #CommunicationSkills #SmallBizDoctor 

Transcript

Ed Drozda: 0:10

Welcome to The Water Trough where we can't make you drink, but we will make you think. My name is Ed Drozda The Small Business Doctor, and I'm really excited you chose to join me here as we discuss topics that are important for small business folks just like you. If you're looking for ideas, inspiration, and possibility, you've come to the right place. Join us as we take steps to help you create the healthy business that you've always wanted. Welcome back to The Water Trough folks, this is Ed Drozda The Small Business Doctor. A topic that I discuss often with clients as well as with myself, is communication. Communication is fundamental in any kind of human experience. The ability to hear what others have to say, to truly listen to what they have to say, and thus be able to communicate effectively based upon those things is critically important in everything that we do. Oftentimes in our communication processes we make assumptions. We do this in part because we might want to appear to understand, don't want to let on that we're not aware of what somebody's talking about, or to put it another way, we don't get it. We do it because we want to expedite things. We're in a hurry to get through a conversation, so we say, yeah, yeah, I got you. I heard what you said. Okay, cool. Yep. That's great. Mm-hmm. And we may do it out of fear that it is expected that we should know better, and we're embarrassed to admit that we need more information. Communication is a two-way street, that which is said and that which is heard, and they have to be done hand in hand. We've all heard about diligent listening, really, really listening. One of the things that we don't necessarily talk about is deliberate speaking. You might say, getting to the point, not wasting time on a bunch of irrelevant stuff and just getting right to it. After all, we're not so inclined to listen any longer than we have to, so let's make it worthwhile. It's important that we are mindful of what others are saying, as well as the manner in which they're saying them. In order for communication to be effective, both parties have to be playing the game, if you will. Well, frankly it's not a game at all, but let's just say for the sake of argument both parties have to be playing the game. Both parties have to be engaged. Here's a case in point. This morning I ran across an old friend of mine, hadn't seen him in a while, and so I asked him how he's doing. I said what's going on? I said how's the family? He said, oh, we're doing great. Happy wife, happy life. Now I heard the words and the first thing that came to mind was that old saying, happy wife, happy life. I made the assumption initially that what he was saying to me was, whatever it takes to make my wife happy I will do it, because that will keep peace in the family. The saying has been around for so long that we've adopted the meaning of it to be just that. But it dawned on me that maybe I was missing something. And here's the opportunity that is given. When in the course of communication we hear something, we have options. Two things that we can do. One, observe how something is being said, and two, we can ask questions to clarify appropriately. And by the way we should be able to ask questions without fear of retribution, because we can't be expected to know everything. In this case I noticed that my friend was saying happy wife, happy life, not in a joking manner, but with something deeper, more important. It was just evident in the way that he spoke, the way that he said it. So I said to him, happy wife, happy life, is that what it sounds like? And he said, no, no, it's not. What it is, is that I want my wife to be happy. When my wife is happy I'm happy that she's happy, and she feels the same about me. It is not about her happiness rules the roost. It's about her happiness is important to me, and that when she's happy it really fulfills me. Now, I wasn't totally surprised by this, but I was caught off guard by my supposition that the statement happy wife, happy life meant yes, whatever it takes to make her happy. Had I left it at that, had I not observed his expression when he said this, had I not asked him for clarification, I never would've realized what it was he was trying to tell me. What a profound difference it is between assuming that it's the same old, same old, and finding out the truth behind it. So it is with communication, it's not a perfect science. Communication is not always going to work the way that we hope it will. Now, what is our goal for communication? Well, I think any of us would admit, when we say something to someone we want it to be heard. We want it to be heard as it was intended, and we want it to be understood. I think we could go a step further and say that not only do we want those things, but we also want it to inspire dialogue, whether it be for clarification or further information, or just to commiserate about what was said. When we communicate we have goals. We have intent that we're trying to fulfill. Therefore communication should be heavily on our minds at all times. The mere act of speaking to be heard, the mere act of listening to say that you did is not communicating. One could argue that it is communication, just poor communication. Fine, so be it. But ask yourself in your work environment, in your business if communication is legitimately being conducted. Have the goals been defined, and if they have been, are they being achieved? Because when one does communicate effectively we will find that the outcomes will be substantially more aligned with our goals. We will find that there'll be greater harmony and greater opportunity in the workplace. Communication is not something to simply be assumed. It's an active, dynamic situation that each of us plays a part in. There they are my thoughts for the day about communication. I hope that they could be of some interest or some help to you. As always, if you have any comments or questions, I hope you'll reach out to me at Ed@thesmallbizdoctor.com. Likewise, if you're interested in being a guest on my show I encourage you to contact me for that as well. Meantime, this is Ed Drozda, The Small Business Doctor at The Water Trough, and as always I wanna wish you a healthy business.